S4 Falcon Crest Premiere- Requium " The Rework, Rewind and Rewrite "Episode

Welcome back to Soaplore and the highly anticipated season 4 premiere!
Step right into the world of vintage vineyard dramas as we kick things off with a bang—or rather a crash—dissecting the gripping Season 4 premiere of Falcon Crest. We'll explore the jaw-dropping fate of our beloved characters following an airplane tragedy and the ensuing high-stakes drama that's as potent as a fine wine. With character exits and entrances galore, expect a rollercoaster of emotions, from the tangled love webs of Cole and Melissa to Richard's dark ascension. Prepare for a trip down memory lane that promises all the twists, turns, and cliffhangers of a classic prime-time soap.

As our glasses clink to the memory of Cliff Robinson III and the legacy he leaves behind, we honor his iconic roles and the indelible mark he made both on and off-screen. The episode wouldn't be complete without a dash of nostalgia and a respectful nod to the actors who graced the vineyard with their presence, leaving behind characters we've loved and lost. From the tongue-in-cheek celebration of soap opera tropes to Scott Amush’s masterful slide into villainy, join us for a heartfelt tribute woven with the very threads that make Falcon Crest a timeless saga.

Finally, strap on your adventure boots as we venture into a plot worthy of an Indiana Jones escapade, right in the vineyards of Falcon Crest. It’s a treasure hunt for the ages, with cartel riches buried among the grapes, sparking a storyline as thrilling as any blockbuster. So, as we eagerly await to unwrap the mysteries of season 4,this episode offers a decadent mix of drama, laughter, and reminiscence. Pour yourself a glass and indulge in a narrative as rich as the Cabernet flowing from Falcon Crest's cellars.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm a fully, happily married woman, don't get twisted, but I'm also not blind. How you gonna leave out the aviator donuts, you know, do you? Okay, do you know what he's wearing? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Stokebore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG die-hard fans of the Golden Age of Prime Time. I am beyond pumped today because we're jumping into Season 4, the premiere of Falcon Crest. From last we left. Our people were nose-diving in a plane into somewhere over the Rockies or the Midwest. We'll find out today who lived, who died, who survived to see another season. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight, tell them they know questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 20 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in the air shot. Be cool, be quiet, or you will be kicked out because we have got to watch the premiere of Season 4, falcon Crest. Hello, gorgeous, welcome back, party people to the season premiere of Falcon Crest. Boy, oh boy.

Speaker 1: 1:08

These shows, these shows have me a little bit of a chokehold. I didn't forget this time what happened On all three shows, that being Dallas, dynasty and Falcon Crest we have a little bit of a cliffhanger. Someone was in imminent danger and we need to find out who lives, who dies or what's going to happen. Alexis and Crystal are caught in a fiery inferno. On Dynasty, jr's been shot on Dallas, but on Falcon Crest Season 4, end of Season 3, we have the entire cast, except for Chaldea, melissa and Cole, on a plane heading somewhere into the ground, over South, over the Rockies or over Nebraska, somewhere, I don't know, somewhere in the Midwest. Full disclosure.

Speaker 1: 1:57

Normally I do some sort of weird recap of all the lessons we learned on Season 3, but I think the truth is that by the time you get to Season 4, you already know you're that show, you already know you're popular, you know what works, you know what doesn't. We're done with the fluff, we're done throwing spaghetti against the wall. Now we need to elaborate, elaborate. We need to elaborate. We need to recycle, rinse, repeat, reduce, remove. Do what you gotta do to keep this show hot and spicy, and it looks like Falcon Crest has done just that.

Speaker 1: 2:26

A couple of spoilers as I sat down to watch it. Of course, the synopsis comes up. It tells me right away that two characters are gone. Am I devastated A little bit y'all. I think we're going to make it. I hope you don't get too upset y'all, but we have a little funeral. We've got a couple funerals we need to attend. Who made it? Who didn't? Is Season 4 going to be a little sexier? I think they tried it last season. This season it looks like they're pulling on all the stops. I also noticed that there are a few new characters in the opening credits. So sit back and enjoy. Grab yourself something bubbly or a pen and a pad. I feel like we're going to need to keep up with a lot, because you know, falcon Crest wastes nothing. Season 4 opener Requiem.

Speaker 1: 3:11

Decisions were clearly made before the cameras began rolling. We knew that the Cole and Melissa storyline was the better one. It's the best one on the show. Now, do I agree with that today? Absolutely not. I think Richard's coming in as the underdog, coming in as the bachelor son that nobody wanted to raise, coming in with the fact that he's powerful. He has the exact same sort of gumption that Angela Channing has. I feel like that's more interesting. But for whatever reason, the writers, the network, decided that Cole and Melissa are them. They're the person we need to. We need to kind of build this thing around. I don't know if it's like 1.2, 0.3 point difference, but that's clearly where they wanted to start. So for the rest of us, let me give you a quick recap.

Speaker 1: 3:57

Season 2 was riddled with the fact that Julia was a murderer. Chase understood who he was working with. Now he walked in season 1 blind as a bat. He knew his aunt was a supervillain. Season 2 he understands that. Season 3 he's been shot by his cousin, who he was very, very close with. So suddenly he needs to make these important decisions in his life.

Speaker 1: 4:20

By the end of season 3, Richard is in shambles because the love of his life has been kidnapped. Cole is trying to settle into marital bliss, but the co-pairing thing is not really working out between he, shania, linda and Melissa. Emma and Richard have had this sort of emotional gangster moment where they're deciding to be a little more loving. So Angela has fallen for the man who's been her doormat. She's signed his check for years Don't play with me. All of a sudden she's fully in love with him, listening to all the opinions he has, and her daughter is running amok.

Speaker 1: 4:57

Not Emma, the full-mourn cuckoo who everybody knows about, but the other one, the wine scientist, who suddenly snapped and decided to kill her lover, and she tried to kill her. I guess it would be her aunt and then she tried to kill her cousin. It's a whole thing. It was a whole mess. So last we'd left, the whole entire family was going to pay respects to Julia by traveling all across the continental US, all across the Atlantic Ocean, to bury her in Italy, the land of her forefathers, because she didn't want to be buried in the fountain crust. It's a great idea. She has a stepbrother or a brother. He's not her stepbrother, he's her halfbrother, who is wealthy, wealthy, wealthy, who has a whole-ass plane that he wants to put the entire family on in his spine. Richard, who is Chase's brother. They both walk the plane. They inspect every nook and cranny. Everything is gooty, golden and good. So imagine their surprise when, at the end of season three, the plane goes flying, spiraling down.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Now it's a great writing, exciting cliffhanger. But we, as a savvy audience, understand. And when things like this happen in the storyline, it isn't because it's good for the story. Nobody wants to get rid of a good character. It's too easy to write. They wanted to make sure that everyone would come back with good contracts, and this is the best way to eliminate the big players. We're going to put the whole cast, minus the people who have signed on indefinitely. We're going to put everyone else on the plane and see what happens.

Speaker 1: 6:29

Chase, the aviator of Donis, had decided and realized that it's unusual for one motor to malfunction. It is astronomically improbable that two would malfunction not only malfunction, but catch fire. It is at this moment that Chase, the aviator of Donis, who has been doing this for years, realizes that something is wrong and it's not like a natural, organic mechanical issue. Something has happened, but lucky for their audience and for us and for the cast, he is a seasoned aviator. He's able to land the plane with minimal casualties.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Now, one of the things I noticed about Falcon Crests, besides their impeccable ability to treat every single season like a hoodunit no line is wasted, no scene is wasted. One thing they do and do well, besides drama, besides catty-ness, besides looking like a whole snack every single episode is a funeral. Allow me to elaborate Falcon Crests loves a good funeral, baby. I have yet to watch a season where someone doesn't die at the end or at the beginning of the season. Season one, ultimate Answers, which is a finale. Douglas has a freaking heart attack in the middle of the courthouse after his daughter confesses all the things she knows. Season 2, the episode is called Climax. Julia shoots up the wedding reception for her play cousin, wicked Vicki, and her loser older husband, who's name escapes me, a Kango Hat guy. She kills Jacqueline, she's trying to kill Richard and she paralyzes Chase Falcon.

Speaker 1: 8:14

Christ is not afraid of a body count. So I look at this, I look at the evidence and I think, okay, season one, you killed two people. Season two, you killed three people. I think the body count's gonna be a little bit higher. It's like a trilogy. It's like a horror film. Season three ashes to ashes. Okay, technically this is like a technicality thing.

Speaker 1: 8:35

Okay, the cast was en route to bury Julia's belongings, not her body, let the record show. Not her body. They're only burying her belongings because they never actually found the evidence that she was in the cabin. We all know that we, so we know what we saw. Lance came in. The fire got too big. He was able to save his grandma. He was not able to save his mother. Chase came in to save Lance and we are all left to assume that Julia is dead. I don't believe that because it's a spring house which is built over a river. I feel like she got through the trapdoor.

Speaker 1: 9:08

But the entire cast, with the exception of Chow Lee, melissa and Cole, are flying in this plane on their way to Italy to bury this woman's belongings not her body when all of a sudden beep-o-beep-o-beep, things start to malfunction. The plane's second engine had caught fire, which almost never happens. It was immediately weird to Chase and after the fact it's weird to Richard. Chase is super-plexed but thank God he's a seasoned pilot. He's able to land the plane mostly without incident in salvage most of the cast. Now there's a brief moment in the opening where Richard has to do this preface conference.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Let me back it up just a little bit for y'all, okay. When last we left, melissa had the nagel her way back into Cole's life by pretending there was some sort of incidents with the champagne that Angela doesn't want a falcon crest, with it being produced by the G-Birdies. There was some sort of incidents with the champagne where it is bursting in bottles. So the factory guy calls up Cole. Cole goes down to the factory. Melissa happens to meet him there. She's like oh, okay, I guess everything's under control. Why don't we go to dinner. He resists it first, but then eventually he decides that's a good idea. They go to dinner and they share a passionate kiss on falcon crests porch, angela's house. Okay, now, when we leave, melissa leaves the door wide open.

Speaker 1: 10:38

But at the beginning of this episode we discover that Cole did not take the bait. He's gonna stay faithful to Linda, aka Shanaya Linda because she looks exactly like Shanaya Twain. He goes home and he minds his business. He is awakened in the middle of the night by some random phone call where he discovers oh my god, the plane that has his son has crashed. So he dresses with a quickness and his brand new haircut, because he had a new rider or a new hairstylist who had everybody together. Baby, everybody look good. He runs down to falcon crest. He talks to Melissa. He's like yo, we gotta get going. The plane is crashed.

Speaker 1: 11:12

Now, it didn't occur to me until I started talking to this just this moment that, okay, if they are in falcon crest, which is in Tuscany Valley, aka Silicon Valley this is the latter part of San Francisco, mid to southern California. Somehow that phone call prompted Chase excuse me, cole to drive or fly or ride a train or bus. I don't know how did him and Melissa got there, but they got to this undisclosed pond in the middle of God knows where so that they can recover all of the, the victims of the plane crash. Alright, so let me get back to Richie.

Speaker 1: 11:50

So a little bit later on, like six minutes into the episode, this is Richard's plane, mind you, this is his private jet, this is his PJ. So when the reporters are there and the first responders are there, they want to talk to the guy who is quote unquote responsible. And this is the first clean-up on aisle four, first clean-up on aisle anything I've ever seen on falcon crest. They need to announce to us, the audience, why things are the way they are, even though there's huge holes in the story. So the plane malfunction, right, this is Richard talking to the, to the press. There's a reporter in his face, probably like three reporters, right, and Richard is in shambles and he's like yeah, what happened was, quote, the plane broke off into pieces and there was only a small fire because of that, because it separated itself without us doing anything. There was a minimal fire, which is why there's minimal casualties, y'all. This is where you need to pull out your tissue. Cole and Melissa arrive at this sort of undescript, just pass overable middle America looking spot. It's not just them, though. It's them, it is the press, it is several police officers from the area, it is several ambulances from the area, and they are forced to wait like us, the audience, to see who survived and who didn't.

Speaker 1: 13:22

Now the plane has crashed, much to my surprise, over the Rockies, which means they weren't in the air very long From San Francisco to the Rocky Mountains. It's probably like 30 minutes to 45, between 30 minutes and an hour and a half. They were not in the air that long. I thought they landed in the Midwest for some reason. I felt like you have better survival rates in the Midwest. That's irrelevant. This is a soap bar, but we'll just do cleanup on aisle four. For those of you new to this, clean up on aisle four is sort of the soap tax we pay when things are outrageous, when your logical brain wants to be like hey, falling out of the sky in a jet probably means nobody survives. We have to ignore that, because this is a soap bar. Okay, soap bar for tax. Clean up on aisle four. As Cole and Melissa wait patiently and and fearfully with their brand new, extra layered 1984 haircuts.

Speaker 1: 14:16

Helicopters begin to land at this undescribed pond. Okay, first helicopter lands and it goes a little something like this First person we see out of the helicopter is Linda, aka Shania Linda. She's on a gurney, she's, her eyes are open, she's moaning, she's groaning, she's looking to and fro. Cole is like oh my god, baby, baby, are you okay? Where's Joseph? She don't know. She don't know. She's clearly in dress.

Speaker 1: 14:45

Next person who comes by is our whimsical queen, miss Emma. Emma is also on a gurney, so she's been seriously injured. Right Third person comes out. It is Angela Stone, cole Pirmrod God, channing Erickson, because she's newly married, newly hyphenated. So she walks out and the thing that sticks out immediately to me is often she has a little bit of a smudge on her right cheek and she's got on a full jacket. Her carving and everything else is intact and she's pissed. She ain't got time for this. She also had a haircut, pirmrod God, as they have brushed out her curls a little bit. They give her that old lady look, but it looks good on her because she's still the queen. She walks out and she's pissed. She looks right at Cole and Melissa and she's like Phillips dead. She keeps on walking like I can't even believe I survived this crap.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Enter helicopter two. Now this lands. So I'm assuming that the helicopters are viewing the wreckage. Somehow, over the mountains they're able to pull, pluck people from the Colorado Rockies and bring them into safety. They note on the show that this, this plane crash, happened around Colorado, which would have been awesome if they had a crossover where, like Blake came to help them. But that's not so. Helicopter number two houses lands, aunt Terry and baby Joseph. Thank God the most responsible actor on the show, baby Joseph, is back. So one notable thing like I said, we had Linda on a gurney, we had Emma on a gurney, we had Angela walking out with nothing but a car and a little smudge on her cheek. Second helicopter lands on Terry and Lance together, arm in arm. They're walking out of the plane and Melissa's like where's the baby, where's Joseph? And and Lance's like he's fine, he's fine, he's fine, he's right behind us. I guess Maggie's on that plane too, on that helicopter.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Terry, aunt Terry, aka Terry, uncle Michael's wife or cousin Michael's wife she's fully clothed, all she has is a little bit of smudge on her cheek too, but lands for whatever reason. His shirt is in shreds, it's ribboned, it's been ripped open. He's greasy. So I'm going to assume because the right side of my brain is really working against me I'm going to assume he was nearest to the engine and the jet greased, greased his gorgeous, perfectly sculpted abs and ripped the shirt open. So all of us could. We could be comforted, guys, this is, this is. We're not objectifying him. We're comforted by the fact that his beautiful muscles kept him safe, praise God. In any case, it's remarkable that Terry all of Terry's clothes are on, but his aren't. He tells Melissa Joseph's fine, she runs the helicopter, joseph is fine, he's perfectly lovely. He was laying in the back. He didn't even know there was a plane crash. He was like oh, this is dope, I'm rich, I'm a rich baby.

Speaker 1: 17:47

Maggie pops out of nowhere. She's still fully clothed and she's, despite the fact that her plane, her private PJ, has one, spiraled into the Rocky Mountains. She's cool, she's like oh my gosh, that was crazy. Lucky for us, the co-pilot died. And oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, michael's dead too. Don't look for cousin Michael, he's gone. Now it's a whole mess. So everyone is accounted for, sort of. We at least know who's alive, right? Cousin Michael's didn't make it, phillip didn't make it, it is. It's sad. We'll get to their obituaries here in a second.

Speaker 1: 18:26

But then a third helicopter lands at this underscrap pond and suddenly we get to see the last and most important people of all, the brothers Chase DiOberte and Richard Channing. They land and, for whatever reason, richard's shirt is in shambles, just like Lance's. So I'm gonna have to assume, I'm gonna put two and two together Lance and Richard are the sex symbols of Falcon Crest. Now, I'm a fully, happily married woman don't get twisted but I'm also not blind. How are you gonna leave out the aviator, dons you know, do you? Okay? Do you know what he's wearing? Richard's silk shirt, mind you, richard. Always, every time you see Richard, he's wearing like a sports coat. Richard has lost his sports coat. His shirt is ripped and ribboned so we can see the exact same greasy abs and chesticles that we saw with Lance. But do you know, chase has on a full buttoned up shirt, his I could barely see his chest hairs and he's wearing like a puffer vest. And I'm supposed to believe that he's not the sex symbol. You got me messed up, but I'm not gonna get into it because you know what this is 40 years and I was barely born.

Speaker 1: 19:43

At this point, I think, depending on what month this is, this is a whole mess. Either way, all the bit players are accounted for. Everyone on the plane is accounted for. They're either breathing or they're not. They're on the hospital and they're not. Shania, linda and Emma.

Speaker 1: 20:01

But ultimately, chase is shook. He can't get over the fact that he personally, he and Richie Rich walked through the hangar. They inspected every nook, cranny and crack within this PJ and still it just blew up over the the broccoli. What is a man to do? Party people, this is where it gets a little tragic. I hate to do this to you. If you're standing, sit down. If you're driving, pull over. We gotta pay our proper respect. If you are a full-on falcon fiend and you're new to this, this is gonna be shocking. If you're true to this, you probably don't even remember this happening because it's like season four.

Speaker 1: 20:47

Everyone goes to the hospital. Everyone who needs to go to the hospital goes to the hospital. Chase is in the hospital, maggie's by his side. She is completely unbothered by the fact that she almost burned herself alive. She watched three. Two people die. She's like Tana. It's wild. Chase, drink your water, eat your Jell-O, we're gonna be okay. I also have to point out at this point that everyone looks wonderful. They are clearly tan, they're clearly healthy. I know there was a little bit there's probably a little bit something going on within this show at this point, but everybody's Gucci, golden and fine Chase is having these sort of PTSD flashbacks, which in 1984, we know the word PTSD wasn't thrown around very easily.

Speaker 1: 21:32

He is suffering from a traumatic experience that he cannot process emotionally. He has a high emotional IQ, but he also doesn't because remember, he's the whole guy who let his daughter date her a high school teacher, it is what it is. So the doctor examining him is like yo, you need to chill out, you did a great job, you need to just calm down. But he's super in piloty, pilot mode. He's like how did my, how did this? I will go down with this ship, this whole thing. And Maggie's like yo, please don't forget the fact that most of us are alive because you knew what you were doing. Had you not known what you were doing, we would have all been dead. Like, chill out. Nobody even knows the pilot's name. It is what it is. Nobody liked Philip. We definitely weren't mourning him because of Michael's loss, but it is what it is, deal with it. We'll get into that later.

Speaker 1: 22:30

Meanwhile, while this is happening, shanaya Linda is fighting for her life in a non-Nikkyu, non-emergency center. She's lying in her hospital bed, lips dry, eyes wide open, and Cole is like I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry. Once you get well, let's go to San Francisco for spaghetti. And she's like that's nice, but like my lungs are collapsed. It is what it is now. I know you guys listen to the ship because you want the recaps, but I have to be honest with you this, the way my mind works. It triggered a core memory back in 1992, it was probably like seven, I don't know, it was a young kid.

Speaker 1: 23:16

One of my favorite movies in life, with us watch every year without fail, is Death Becomes Her, starring Goldie Haan and Meryl Streep. The whole long and short of it is that they're frenemies back in the day, like early 80s. They're in the theater together, one of themselves, her soul, a little bit to be in fame, the other one doesn't. The other one catches on later on. Blah, blah, blah, they turn out to be walking dead. But there's this line in that movie where Meryl Streep's character is confronting Goldie Haan and her husband and she's like you don't do what I say, I'll call the cops and when they come I'm not going to have a pulse because I'm basically a zombie. But she says this thing where she goes, ain't nobody plays dead like me. You stand corrected, meryl. Ain't nobody, and I do me ain't nobody plays dead like Shania.

Speaker 1: 24:15

Linda, aka Linda insert bakery, surname Geberti. She gives her last goodbye. How's Joseph? Oh, he's good, he's good baby, he's good. And then she with her eyes open. I've literally never seen anyone die. I'm not sober, but with her eyes open, it was fantastic. Ain't nobody plays dead like Linda. Shania Geberti, it was wonderful. Sadly, I'm realizing I just celebrated her death, not really, I guess. I'm sort, I'm not. I'm not even surprised, honestly.

Speaker 1: 24:55

Michael, we'll get into him in a second. I kind of thought he'd stick around, because you need someone to kind of explain the BS that's happening when, when the rioting gets a little bit laxed. Philip, you know what sweet dream. Who cares if he doesn't come back? I'm very glad he's not here. Shania Linda, I kind of saw that coming, because she didn't really make an impact 99% of the time. I forgot she was there, unless Melissa was poking at her. But you know what I'm a fan. Like I said, we are 69 episodes in. We're gonna pay our respects. Okay, bob and Crust, there's a fine funeral. I'm gonna do a fine eulogy. Go put on something black, pay respects. You know better than that.

Speaker 1: 25:40

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is with great sadness that we must mourn the loss of the incomparable Michael Ranson, aka Dr Cousins. Dr Michael Ranson of Tuscany Valley, formerly of quote unquote back east, died tragically on the season opener in a plain crash over the Rockies. Michael was a calm and brilliant spirit with a deep love for his extended family and reformed hookers. Michael Ranson worked most of his adult life as a brilliant surgeon before suffering from PTSD. After a tragic accident in which he was forced to perform surgery on his dying wife under duress and quite possibly with a concussion, he began a long and safe career as a medical researcher, no doubt saving countless lives, before he was sent for by his family in Tuscany Valley.

Speaker 1: 26:30

Michael Ranson, while minding his own business, my dear, was named the executor of his deceased aunt's estate after she was murdered at a cocktail party. He quietly and patiently oversaw the managing of the estate before he was bullied into taking a job in a medical lodge in Tuscany Valley, michael once again proved to be the calm and the storm as he nursed his cousin, his cousin's wife and a very stubborn baker man back to health. He is the first surgeon in history to cryogenically freeze a brain tumor and remove it with a laser, while never actually touching the woman's skull. Shortly before his death, michael's heart was stolen by a former call girl with a taste for gold, a man and insatiable appetite for Pepsi and Ruffles. He leaves behind to grieve his wife of one month, terry Ranson, his cousin Chase DiOberte and wife Maggie, first cousin once removed, vicky, new last name, cole G Alberti, and wife Linda and second cousin once removed, joseph DiOberte. He also leaves behind a broken hearted, kooky computer whiz named Emma Devastating. I hate to see Michael leave because I mean I struggle with his whole falling for Terry. It seemed very unlikely because he was such a brilliant guy, but it happened. Because this is a soap problem, that's okay, we're going to put some respect on his name, his government name.

Speaker 1: 27:53

The actor is Cliff Robinson III. He is an Academy Award-winning actor, winning best actor for a film called Charlie in 1968. He also played many American icons, not limited to JFK, who he was actually handpicked to play by JFK and Buzz Aldrin in 1976. He played Henry Ford in 1987 and, perhaps most importantly to our generation, he was Uncle Ben in the original Spider-Man trilogy from 2002 to 2007. Shame on me for not clocking him out earlier. He had me bamboozled. He had dark hair, I didn't see it. I knew he was dying of hair and I didn't think anything of it. Uncle Ben, uncle Ben y'all. He's gone, oh my god. He was also a real aviator and chairman of the Experimental Aircraft Association. He piloted the Young Eagles program. His dad was ranch air. He served in the Marine. Kind of sounds like Cheshire Birdie's character may have been, or could have been, loosely based on him. I also want to pick out one more time that he was handpicked by John Kennedy, aka JFK, to play him in a biopic while he was still alive. Fun fact he was in a film with his quote unquote aunt Lana Turner in 1965. It all worked out for the best. Rest in peace in real life. Rest in peace on the show, dr Michael Ranson.

Speaker 1: 29:24

Here's another fun piece, though this is where the drama. I always say keep your drama on TV. I mean that If you can avoid it. Sometimes you just walk into drama. People try to pretend like the word victim is like oh my god, you're playing the victim. No, sometimes victim means something happened when you were minding your own business and now you got to deal with it. Such is the case for Mr Cliff Robinson III, aka Dr Cousins, aka Michael Ranson.

Speaker 1: 29:50

He was simply minding his own business when, in 1977, he discovered I don't know how this happened, but he discovered that his signature had been forged on this $10,000 check payable to him for some work he'd done. He's like I've never done this work, I don't even know what this is coming from. So I don't know how this happened, but it happened upon. He figured it out. Turns out the head of the studio, david Begelman, had forged his signature, and apparently a lot of other peoples, and completely made up this project that he was never in Never happened, he was never paid for. He, of course, that being David Begelman, was charged with embezzlement and he was fired from Columbia Pictures and he wanted Robinson. He had the audacity to be like yo, cliff, keep me cute, don't say nothing about this. But Cliff was like no, forget that, like you're messing up my name, I'm not going to be labeled hard to deal with. Like Monique, you did it, I'm going to talk about it. He and his wife stuck together and they absolutely ran their mouth, which shout out to you the more I hear, the more I like.

Speaker 1: 30:53

It is with great sadness that I have to announce and basically orchestrate the obituary for Mr Philip Erickson. Now, it's no secret, I don't even damn about him on there. I was very upset that Angela decided to marry the guy who tried to blackmail her like she's too smart for that. Clearly the writers caught on and they didn't want to deal with it. They didn't want to answer to me. They didn't want to answer to me for decades later. So they're like you know what we're going to kill him.

Speaker 1: 31:20

He died in the Rockies. Get over it. Jeff Philip Erickson, lawyer, budding, millionaire and the full-time Demi-Billing, died tragically over the majestic Rocky Mountains near Denver, colorado, on the season opener of Falcon Crest. He leaves behind approximately one person to grieve and several others to at minimum pay their respects His wife of 73 hours, Angela Diaberti, channing Erickson, his daughter Emma Channing excuse me his stepdaughter Emma Channing, step-grandson Lance Cumson and wife Melissa Agretti Cumson, nephew-in-law Chase Diaberti, wife Maggie and step-great nephew Joseph Diaberti. He also leaves to mourn a host of side chicks and other people he screwed over within his lifetime. He is preceded in death by his stepdaughter, a knowledgeist murderer, criminally insane escaped artist, julia Channing Cumson and Louie Flowers.

Speaker 1: 32:26

Soap lore asks that you enjoy a film from this brilliant actor, mel Ferrer, whose career began in 1937. His catalog reads as I read through everything on Wikipedia and other places, it reads like an illustrious and eclectic cinephiles catalog. If you had a collection of DVDs he's probably in at least like 10 of them. I would like to recommend Lost Boundaries, his first leading role, where he plays Scott Carter, a light-skinned black man who passed his four white in the 1930s and 40s. It's a fascinating true story that was turned into a movie and he's super excellent in it. I decided to check it out before recorded. You can also check him out in.

Speaker 1: 33:07

I'm Gonna Pronounce Scott Amush from the Queen's Song, where he replaced Fernando Lamas as the villain. Now, if Lamas rings the bell, it should, because that is Lance Cumson, aka Lorenzo Lamas' government name. That is his dad. He, philip, replaced Lance's real-life dad as a villain in the movie. That's perfect. So he started off in Hollywood in 1937. He works like this dialogue director and then he became an actor on film and on stage After Falcon Cress. He starred in an episode of Colombo called Requiem of a Fallen Star in that Ironic. He also starred in a couple episodes of Murder she Wrote and in a mini-series or two called Peter the Great and Dream West in the 80s, eye of the Widow and Catherine the Great.

Speaker 1: 34:00

Interestingly enough, he was married five times to four women, which means he bent the block and married one twice. He had six kids, one of which, most fascinatedly, was with Audrey, ms Breakfast at Tiffany's herself. Yes, she and he shared a son, which just only kind of heightens my respect for Falconcrest. Like you had an Academy Award winner and Uncle Ben, and then you had Audrey Hefgren's baby, daddy, ex-husband and on the show swinging for the fence as you had Ronald Reagan's first wife, dude. This show deserves so much respect. Let's play it, let's get the streams up. We need, we need to renew. I need to renew all I do.

Speaker 1: 34:46

Last but not least, Ms Linda, aka Shania Geoburty to rest. Linda spent the majority of her life bearing the brunt of her father's insecurity in baking delicious breads. She met Cole Geoburty in marriage. Shortly thereafter, she enjoyed two weeks of peace before being rejected by her father the baker, and bullied by Cole's hot to trot baby mama, melissa O'Gretty Comson. She briefly served as a co-parent and stepmother to Joseph Geoburty. She took home to her injuries sustained in a plane crash over the enchanted and rugged Rocky Mountain Range.

Speaker 1: 35:24

She is preceded in death by her mother and leaves behind to grieve her father, mr Stubborn Bakerman, her husband Cole Geoburty, stepson Joseph Geoburty, in-laws Chase and Maggie Geoburty, sister-in-law Vicky Newlastname, who I can't remember, and a host of friends and family. She also leaves behind forever, in perpetuity, a face card that never declines and I mean that never declines. This woman is just as beautiful today as she was then. I just saw a photo of her. Her name is Mary Catherine McGinn. Face card never declines.

Speaker 1: 36:05

Okay, she's still a dead ringer for the incomparable Canadian songstress Shania Twain. You know there will be no Shania Twain slander on this channel. Never, never, never. She did go on after Falcon Crisis Seems like she made like a whole. She made the most of it. She maximized her potential at the time Didn't seem like she was that into acting, but she was on several shows. She was on Night Rider, fantasy Island and Remington. Still was we Roll a View. Eventually she also made an appearance on 902.1 out, which I mean, of course I don't remember every single person, but yeah, she was on there. Most notably, she served as a dialogue coach for Dylan and Cole's On the Sweet Life in Zack and Cody. I love that show, I absolutely love that show.

Speaker 1: 36:53

So now, with the death of Shania Linda, with the death of Philip Erickson and with the death of Cousin Michaels, we know whose contracts didn't get renewed. So that leaves the rest of the players to fill out the rest of this episode. We all know that the season opener is just kind of a cleanup of whatever happened on season, the previous season's finale. This is no exception. However, it seems like they cleaned house across the board.

Speaker 1: 37:23

Let us dive deep into the supervillains. Season one you kill one guy for sure. For sure one dies at the end. Season two you shoot two, keep two alive. Season three we have officially murdered three people. Julia's out to lunch. I still don't believe she's dead. We never saw a body. I'm not going to believe she's dead until I see that.

Speaker 1: 37:48

We're moving on to the supervillains, although I still deem some of the supervillains demi villains. Okay, let's start with Angela. Angela is the villain, she is a supervillain and she's backed on her gangster. She's having breakfast at one point on the show and Chali comes in and he calls her Mrs Erickson and then he's like oh my god, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to call you that? She's like no, no, no, no, no, I've gone as Mrs Channing through my business life. I'm going to bring that back. Don't call me Erickson ever, ever again.

Speaker 1: 38:16

But she's still super big, mad and pissed at Chase. Now, hardly enough. I've never seen a triple funeral before, thank you Jesus. But in this show there is a triple funeral for Shania Linda, for Philip Erickson and for Dr Michael. None of these people are blood related. I can't imagine what they would all be buried to the same place, but we're going to let that be what it's going to be. That's what happens. Chase tries to go up and comfort his auntie because they had made up at the end of season three. But she's like forget you, chase, you fuck. You're the worst pilot on earth and this is all your fault. Never mind the fact that he saved her and countless other people, she's only focused on the fact that her side chick doormat, cheating, stealing, lying, no good, scandalous husband of 72 hours is dead. She's big mad about it. So, as much as I hate it, I'm super glad that she and Chase are enemies again, because it makes for graffiti Great TV One part of this that I hadn't really clocked.

Speaker 1: 39:18

I clocked it but I didn't really think about it until now, until Richard had that whole press conference. After that he gets off the plane, he has a little press conference. His dude-dirt guy is his plus one. He shows up and he's like oh my god, I thought you were going to die. Richard's like yeah, me too, but I think the cartel might have blown this up. I need you to clean this up. I don't need anybody to know about the cartel.

Speaker 1: 39:41

It shocked me as the audience member because I had forgotten or not actually thought about the fact that no one else on the show knows that Richard is associated with the cartel. All they know is that Jacqueline built it and that it's done. That's all they really know. Remember, chase gave away like 50 million dollars in behind it. Well, richard is like yo. If anybody starts investigating this, they're going to put two and two together and I'm going to be in jail. I need you to make sure they never look at me and his dude-dirt dude, the PI that he hired to find Miss Lynch is like, yeah, don't even worry about him. What they do need to worry about is that the cartel has also decided to shimmy up a few things. So do you?

Speaker 1: 40:21

There was an episode probably I think it's like episode 24 where Miss Lynch meets with the dude-dirt dudes from the cartel. They want her to do one it's before the trophy, I can't remember what they want her to do but she meets with them and then she decides you know what, screw you, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm in love. And then Richard flies to Miami to meet the head of the cartel and he wasn't afraid of him, like he tried to punk him. Okay, that is the theme for this episode, because Mr I Called Him Mr Murdery, his name is Mr Spears. He actually don't give a damn about the head of the cartel either. He has been bought out by a whole nother Nazi family.

Speaker 1: 41:02

Nazis is kind of a weird concept for me to like digest, because by the time I was conscious of it, this is 60, 70 years in the past. It didn't even matter. It matters, but it doesn't matter. It's like nobody knew any Nazis at this point. But I have to recall that in 1982, 83, 84,. These people are very much alive and well. They're probably like in their 60s or healthy enough to go to trial.

Speaker 1: 41:24

So, Mr Spears, mr Murdery, he is the same gentleman who tried to run over Richard in the parking garage, but Richard had those Caitlyn Jenner jeans and he was able to decathlon. He's gone his way out of it with the Dale Earnhardt Jr driving of Miss Lynch and and and escaped with his life. He's back, he decides that he's going to take an offer from some rando German family and he's going to off the head of the cartel and he does it with this beautiful, leggy blonde. I haven't looked her up, but she looks like one of the blondes I've seen on Oprah. Cheryl Teiggs isn't worth the name I want to say. I haven't actually looked her up, but she seduces head of the cartel. And then Mr Spears shows up. It looks like he's like handcuffed and there's two goons behind him with tommy guns. Only they're there to kill him.

Speaker 1: 42:18

So there's been this whole sort of shake up within the cartel since last season and part of that opens the door for Miss Lynch, miss Payne Lynch, to come running back into Richard's life. So Richard is mad, paranoid after the plane crash. He's like yo, they tried to blow me and my whole family out of the sky. I want a whole state-of-the-art system in place. He gets put in place, but then it's set off because guess who sneaks in?

Speaker 1: 42:46

Pam, whatever her last name is the love of his life, allegedly. She comes in and Mr Dude, dark Guy, the PI is like okay, now, how did you just show up here like whoom-de-whoom-de-whoom, you're not going to tell me you just walked out? She's like not, and walked out. There was gunfire, there was all this kind of crap and then I just left. And he's like you left and stole a credit card. These are all valid questions. How in the world does she escape? Is she playing those sides? I think she might be. She explains no, no, no, no, no. Everybody else was dead. So I just sent the credit card because I needed to fly back home.

Speaker 1: 43:18

Clean up on aisle four. Soap tax, soap tax, soap tax. I find it very hard to believe that a hostage in a hostile environment would steal the credit card off of a corpse and have the gumption and other IDs needed to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. But we're gonna allow it. Soap tax, soap tax, soap tax. Richard believes this, because he had gotten word earlier, clean up on aisle four, that uh yeah, something had gone down. Most of the members of the cartel have been shot down, so we're just gonna let that be what it be.

Speaker 1: 43:53

Let's skip to the end. Enter Gustav Johann and Mr Murdery, aka Mr Spiris. They're all beside themselves. Who learned that the plane didn't look Richard? Now they gotta think ahead, right? So Mr Murdery is working for this new family whose name escapes me at the moment. We'll come up with that next episode. I'm not even worried about it. They're gonna be sticking around because they laid one of the most unlikely storylines down at the beginning.

Speaker 1: 44:26

Before we get into that, we need to talk about Aunt Terry. Aunt Terry is the newly widowed ex-hooker who, listen, she was. She was on a come up of all come ups. She was eating ruffles and drinking Pepsi and she happened upon a man who didn't mind that she was a call girl, married her anyway. She pretends, or truly, loved him I feel like she pretended and after his death she's quote unquote grieving. So Maggie and Chase have her over to the house and they're like yo, michael was a responsible man You're about to be. You're about to come into some money. Baby girl, you're gonna have to figure out what you want to do. Do you want to be like? You want to be a vintner? Do you want to own a vineyard? Blah, blah, blah forgive me if that's the wrong word and she's like I just need a minute to think. She goes and gets in his money, carlo, and she starts driving down the road. Now some generic music comes on as she pulls her hair out of the clip and shakes and she's like holy crap, I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich. In my mind, the I'd like to change the song on the radio to Cardi B's Money Bags, money Bag, money Bags. She is filling herself. She's like oh, my god, I'm rich. Oh, she's having the best time of her life. She is Terry the stallion.

Speaker 1: 45:37

Back to the weirdos. Mr Murdery does his job by killing the head of the cartel. He's like blah, blah, blah. I'm with his family now. So this family is having this argument. It's basically a son and his father.

Speaker 1: 45:50

Now, the son and the father actually have different views of how this should go, but the the objective is very clear. Y'all stay with me, okay, let's play a little game. Does it sound familiar? Whatever, it sounds familiar. I want you to push pause and I want you to shout the answer and I want you to push pause again so we can hear it. Okay, two Germans are talking to Mr Murdery and the son is like oh my gosh, I thought you were your dad. I was greeting you as if you were your dad. He's like yo, you better get used to what the son is. I'm gonna be my dad very, very soon. Tail is oldest time right. The father walks in. He's like no, you won't calm down.

Speaker 1: 46:30

We need to get to this vineyard because Jacqueline, the head of the cartel, buried all of our treasure there. And I'm thinking to myself treasure, what are you talking about? How often do you see storylines with treasure? I'm thinking Goonies. Goonies is always my go-to or pirate to the caribbean. What are you talking about? Well, apparently Jacqueline had smuggled art gold il-na-na-na-na in world war two and she went back to Falconcrest and she buried it underneath the house. So neither Jason, who was her first husband, chase, richard, angela or anybody on Falconcrest is none the wiser about the fact that there's an actual German Nazi treasure buried under the ground and the Germans are coming for their necks Now.

Speaker 1: 47:24

I'm listening to this. I'm like I watch passions. I grew up in the passions era so I believed that a witch could have a puppet that came to life like Pinocchio, and that was fine, and they love to eat quiche and live their life and talk crap about the characters. But when I heard this, I'm like did you even try? Am I wild and out y'all? Or is this not the plot to Indiana Jones temple of doom? Am I crazy? Okay, okay, falconcrest borrowed yet another storyline. This is not new for them, but I will say the season opener left me just I'm, I'm pleased from top to bottom little ups that shout out and recipes to Shania, linda, cousin Michaels and Philip the Horish Lawyer.

Speaker 1: 48:14

Alright, guys, join me next time as we review the season opener for season four dollars, which is one of the most iconic seasons. Season three, one of the most iconic storylines in television. I think I'm gonna delicately dance around this because I don't want to blow up anybody's spot. Also, stay tuned for season one, episode 6 of Nights Landing. In the meantime, in between time, take care of yourself, because you deserve it. Stay moisturized, stay hydrated, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. You.