Could Gary Ewing's dumpster dive for drinks spell a blueprint for sustainability or is it a desperate cry from rock bottom? Join us as we unravel the whirlwind of emotions in the "Knott's Landing" season finale that has us questioning our own thresholds for drama. We wade through the murky waters of Gary's addiction, the shocking deceit that rocks the Vidalia Onion Queen, and the espionage, breakups, and betrayals that make this show the soap opera gold standard.
Strap in for an episode where the stakes are high, and the popcorn is... recycled? We're not just talking about Gary's alarming alcohol scavenging, but we're also popping the lid off a theory that movie theaters might be ahead of the curve in re-serving yesterday's snacks. Dive into discussions on Dr. Kramer's iconic hair and the resilience of Ginger amid Kenny's shenanigans, all while navigating the tightrope of relationships and the heavy cost of addiction.
It's time to raise your glass (responsibly!) and tune in as we celebrate the power of spinoffs, pull back the curtain on the crafting of a soap opera masterpiece, and ponder the sustainability of Gary's unintentionally eco-friendly habits. We'll leave you with a gem to carry forward: keep your friends close, your enemies in check, and your drama strictly on screen. No fan mail required—just your ears, your heart, and a hankering for a good old TV drama debrief.
Could Gary Ewing's dumpster dive for drinks spell a blueprint for sustainability or is it a desperate cry from rock bottom? Join us as we unravel the whirlwind of emotions in the "Knott's Landing" season finale that has us questioning our own thresholds for drama. We wade through the murky waters of Gary's addiction, the shocking deceit that rocks the Vidalia Onion Queen, and the espionage, breakups, and betrayals that make this show the soap opera gold standard.
Strap in for an episode where the stakes are high, and the popcorn is... recycled? We're not just talking about Gary's alarming alcohol scavenging, but we're also popping the lid off a theory that movie theaters might be ahead of the curve in re-serving yesterday's snacks. Dive into discussions on Dr. Kramer's iconic hair and the resilience of Ginger amid Kenny's shenanigans, all while navigating the tightrope of relationships and the heavy cost of addiction.
It's time to raise your glass (responsibly!) and tune in as we celebrate the power of spinoffs, pull back the curtain on the crafting of a soap opera masterpiece, and ponder the sustainability of Gary's unintentionally eco-friendly habits. We'll leave you with a gem to carry forward: keep your friends close, your enemies in check, and your drama strictly on screen. No fan mail required—just your ears, your heart, and a hankering for a good old TV drama debrief.
The question here is are we all losers for not following Gary's lead? Should we be dumpster diving? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap Floor, an official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet, who is reviewing and reviewing the sokiest, sudsiest primetime, most iconic storylines of 1979-1980. That's right, it is the Knott's Landing Takeover Season Finale, bottom of the Bottle, part 2. So, whether you're going to do this or treat it as this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside, out of sight. Tell Bae no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25, 35, hell, maybe 45 minutes. Everyone else in the air shall be cool, be quiet or you will be kicked out because we have got to talk about the season finale of our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is SoFlor, is Soap Lore, what's up? People who like to party or party people, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Soap Lore. We are down to the wire. We are at the finale, as they did back in 1980, 1979, part two of the season finale, knott's Landing, season one, is under our belt and we have got to get through this last episode so we can come to a conclusion about the ins and outs of a proper spinoff.
Speaker 1:Quiet as kept, this episode has everything you want. We've got espionage, we've got makeups to breakups. We've got heartbreak, betrayal, bottom of the barrel behavior that reigns supreme on what can only be described as Gary's shit show. All right, guys. So whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back. I hope you're bubble bathing. I hope you are doing something soapy and sudsy, because there are so many layers here. There's so many things you got to think about when you think about a primetime soap opera.
Speaker 1:Before we jump into the finale of season one, I have an announcement to make. We have fan mail now. Buzzsprout is a medium I use to host this podcast and they have opened up a brand new feature. It is called fan mail. That's right. If you look in the show notes of this episode, if you're on an iPhone or you're on an Android phone or your phone, you can basically click a number and send me a text. Please, do I need an OG out there to tell me hey, is it jet back up from the mic? Hey, you're totally wrong about Valene. I'm not, but I'm willing to hear your opinion. More importantly, I need one of you guys to tell me spell it out. Did I read too much into the whole kenny ginger thing? I don't think I did. Are they swingers or no? Are they on the show any any later than this or no? It doesn't matter. Whatever on your mind, I'd like to hear it from you. Look in the show notes for the number to text. Send me a little message and I'll be happy to read it on air so we can have our discussion. All right, guys, settle in with something bubbly. I hope you're in a bath or drinking something effervescent.
Speaker 1:As we jump into season one, finale, episode 13, bottom of the Barrel, part two, of course, I'm going to give you the rundown, the synopsis if you will, of this entire episode as quickly as possible, and then we'll come back and discuss some particulars. Those particulars today are not limited to backwash and dumpster diving. Is Gary one of the pioneers of the dumpster diving trend that wreaks havoc on our system today? Hater, rescue 911. When you have to save someone you don't really care about, is it a good deed or are you betraying yourself Dr Kramer's cranial quaff in retrograde? What decade are you stuck in and why? Kenny's kindergarten chaos, kenny decides to lay it bare in front of Gen X. Should your significant other be able to woo you back on the clock? I think not. Gary's escape artist extravaganza. Gary Ewing, the Houdini of Nod's Landing. One minute he's in hospital now. On the next he's MacGyvered his way into street clothes faster than you can say discharge papers. We'll discuss this and many more items on this episode of soap floor.
Speaker 1:When last we left Gary, he had wrestled a bottle of used booze away from a hobo. I, being the millennial that I am, am overly. Actually, that has nothing to do with anything. That is my personal personality. I thought after he chugged a lug, a lug, a glug, glug, glug down someone else's warm booze that has been up against his body for like nine hours, I thought Gary had reached said bottom of the bottle, like the title of the episode, not so I misread the situation fully, where I thought Gary was sitting back after he chugga, lugged it down, thinking, oh my God, I've had the crawl of shame. I have done the worst of the worst. I cannot get any lower than this. What else could I do Besides like lick a toilet? What else could I do? I thought that was it for him. No, apparently Gary thought hey, that's a great, freaking idea. You don't need any money, only have like two dollars and change. I can't buy any booze, I can't buy the bourbon that my heart desires. But you know what I can do? I can go and veg out at a bar and drink all the leftovers. Duh, leftovery is a wave of the future. Why are we working? Why are we spending money to buy things when you can just chill out and wait till someone throws it out and then finish it? Much as, I hate to admit it, he might have a point Either way. That's not the point of this episode.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this episode opens with Sid going back to the liquor store where Gary almost got shot at. Okay, we talked about this briefly last episode, where you have bartenders and liquor store clerks who are really good at reading people. This man is exceptional. Now he says to Sid, as Sid walks in, because Sid has been, he has been invoked, he has been invited by Valene to come out and find Gary. There are like a makeshift search party and he presents a picture of Gary. The clerk looks over it and it apparently has been about two days, so Gary's on at least a five-day bender, if my math is correct, the store clerk looks. He's like yeah, I remember him, believe it or not.
Speaker 1:Little old me had to pull out my pistola. I thought he was going to start some ish. I was going to end that ish. I offered him the booze. He didn't want to take it. I offered him to leave. He didn't want to take that. I had no choice.
Speaker 1:My man is this, your cousin is this family? Now, sid's like no, no, no, he's not related to me like that. But we are close. You see, he's a friend of mine. Basically, my wife and his wife are best friends. We work together. He's a real good guy. I don't know what happened Like you saw him, like he was that bad. He's in a bad way. The clerk's like man. He's in a bad, bad way. I've never seen anything like it. Matter of fact, I pulled out my pistola, which I don't normally do, and I was going to put two in his ass. But I looked at him and I knew in my heart of hearts that this man would have cracked open that jug of bourbon and taken two sips and thought it was a good deal to take two sips and then receive two bullets. I'm worried about your boy? Is this your man's? You need to get on on him.
Speaker 1:Sid is suddenly hit with the weight of this, this revelation, like damn. I knew that Gary was out of control. If the five days missing from home wasn't an obvious red flag, I don't know what else is. But now, at this point, he's like wow, this perfectly calm clerk who meets alcoholics every day thinks that this is one of the worst alcoholics. Matter of fact, the clerk says your guy is a violent type. I could tell right away he would have fought me for it. That's very unusual. When you come to drunkers, most people are content to take whatever they can get, not your guy. He was willing to fight for it. He is a dangerous. He's like the apex predator of alcoholics. Oh my god, this is rough.
Speaker 1:So Sid swallows this news down and it appears that Valene has been vigilant for the last five days. She's put together search parties everyone has their duty and, unfortunately for Richard, he stumbles in a bar where Gary Ewing is sitting in wait, waiting for the leftover booze that he's discovered is free, since he only has like $2 and change. This is terrible, not because we found Gary, which you would think would be a wonderful thing. But the fact is, richard knows that Gary doesn't really care for him and, quite frankly, he doesn't care for him either. But he's like you know what? I'm already here. I'm already here, I'm already dressed, I look like McGruff the crime dog. Let me go on and do what I need to do.
Speaker 1:Gary spots Richard as he walks into the bar and he says hey, anybody need a bad lawyer. And it's like you, drunk sumbitch, how dare you judge me? Richard swallows his resolve and he's like hey, gary, I'm here to pick you up. Gary quickly and easily convinces him no, no, no, you don't want to pick me up, what you want to do is have a couple of drinks of your own. And Richard's like actually, yeah, I do Not for nothing. Richard does have a few things hidden on his plate that he's not really talking about to the rest of the cast, which is what I like about Lox Laney. But in this scene he slips a little bit, he drops the ball.
Speaker 1:Gary is a patient alcoholic, if nothing else, and he waits for Richard to become too inebriated to do anything about anything. And then he decides you know what? I'm going to steal your keys and I'm going to make my way down the way. I'm going to steal your wallet as well. I'm going to take your cash and I'm going to start my new bender fest. This is so weird because he's technically bar hopping. But bar hopping isn't cool when you're an alcoholic. No shade to anyone who is. But it's like you know what it is. We grown here. We do grown just sugar coat stuff. I don't believe in that. You know what it is.
Speaker 1:Gary decides that enough is enough, while Richard starts to booze and law and blah, blah, blah. Gary's like uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. That's super interesting. You know what's even more interesting? Me stealing your cash and car keys. He does just that. As he exits said bar, the bartender, who had no problem with a filthy, dirty booze, so smelling man sitting in his presence, is like hey, hey, what are you going to do about your boy? That ain't my boy. It is what it is. You'll figure it out. Eventually he does change his mind. It's like God. The least I can do after stealing this man's car is give him a ride home. And this is where the proverbial dookie hits the fan.
Speaker 1:One of the most interesting things about this scene the following scene actually is that we get to look inside of what a Ewing really is. Now it's different when you're watching Dallas. I hate to cross reference, but I have to. This is, after all, a spin-off Cunning, conniving, ruthless. These are things you don't really see outside of JR. However, I see them in this episode with Gary. Mind you, he's inebriated the entire time, but it's still in him. I might owe this kid an apology, but we'll get to that by the end of the episode. After stealing Richard's car and his money, he decides you know what, let me do him a solid, even though I really like this dude. Let me drop him off at his crib.
Speaker 1:He pulls up to Laura's house, laura and Richard's home that they share together. At around 5.59, 6 am he bursts in. He's like yay, I guess Knott's Landing. Despite it being in a major metropolis, they don't lock their doors. Gary easily gets in. He drops Richard off. Richard is drunk, I mean, he is dead weight. He is weakened at Bernie's. There's no hope for this guy. Laura sees this. She gets pissed. How dare you? What did you do to him? We'll save that for the next segment. Gary's like I didn't do anything to this dude. I basically just bided my time. But I need to go now, so you think I can have a drink for the road. It is, after all, hospitality for you to do such. And she plays along right away.
Speaker 1:Now, this is the beauty of having a doormat as a wife, because she understands what it means to hide her true emotions. She knows what it means to pretend to enjoy something when she really doesn't. So she's like yeah, garrett, no problem, you want a drink? Uh, I don't know. I think the key is I don't know. I don't know if it's in here, if it's in the kitchen, why don't you look around? I'm going to get Richard settled. You do what you do, babe. Okay, Now Gary is numb. The wives are like yeah, sure, fatal flaw number 101.
Speaker 1:Laura gets on the phone and she very loudly says Valene, I'm here with Gary. Gary's on a bender. Babe, come, go, come over and get him. And Gary flips the F out. He's like what are you talking about? How dare you? No matter what he says, because he's drunk and he wasn't into that liquor cabinet. Now the liquor cabinet actually is locked. She wasn't playing possum when she told him. I mean, the key may be here or there. Maybe she knows where it is. If she does, she's not giving the audience any indication of where it is. So he starts flipping the F out. How dare you call my wife? How dare you do? Et cetera. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:It don't take long because he live in a coldest set. Malene is up and at him. She runs down the hall, she runs out the door, she runs over to Laura and Richard and she's like Gary, please, baby, please, just calm down, just listen. He ain't trying to hear it, because he's an alcoholic, he's drunk, he feels trade. At this point and it's only validating Valene's point that when he gets drunk he's not coming home we are on day number five, okay.
Speaker 1:So what happens next changes the course of this entire finale. Gary is furious that he has been betrayed by Laura. Richard is inebriated to the point of blackoutness, so he's relevant in this story. Laura is watching on like you know what I deal with. Enough crap on my day, I don't want to deal with his. Valene is watching on with wide eyes and Gary's pissed. He says you know what eff it? I'm not gonna wait for your key, I'm just gonna punch my way through glass, because you know what, at the very end, I'm definitely can handle a cutter too. He grew up on a ranch, after all, it's probably nothing he does, just that he punches through their glass beautiful framing this ikea cabinet they had installed two or three weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Laura's freaking out at this point stop it. Everyone's screaming. It's a total mess. It is a dookie fan show. It is horrible. But valine goes to reach for him and he pushes her back accidentally, punching her in the eye. Listen, it is hard to be someone who was born when I was born, who's endured what I've endured, to watch this and be like I'll accident me ass. But it is what it is. He is inebriated. He didn't know what he's doing. He's doing he's punching his way through the glass so he can get through the bourbon, which totally validates the clerk from the liquor store's testimony that this guy is violent. He's a violent, weird drunk. He'll do anything for a drink. Y'all need to keep your eye on your boy.
Speaker 1:Well, by this time they have reached out to 9-1-1. The ambulance is in route. Now, mind you, what all this is going down? Jenner is at the house waiting on her husband to show up. Mind you, she left the club a little bit early because she had a throbbing headache. Club music and migraines don't mix. It is nobody's business. She goes home, but she gets a good night's sleep and she wakes up at 6 a am. Okay, there's a ruckus going on next door, but she didn't notice it because she's wondering where the hell is Kenny. Kenny is, of course, being dropped off in a cute little excuse me, two seater convertible by Sylvie and they, they, kissy, kissy, boo, boo all the way back home. Drops him off, he walks in the house.
Speaker 1:I want to go ahead and put this out before I get any deeper into this, because I have nothing but disdain from Kenny from this moment on. But it took me 13 episodes to notice that he is a complete and total Jenner. He looks like one of those freaking Jenner's. He looks like he could have been Caitlyn's baby brother circa 1979, 1980. I don't know if that was intentional or not. I can't imagine how it couldn't be, but when you look at him he looks like Brody or Brandon Jenner. He is a hottie, but I think he might have like a jaw implant. I'll have to look into that further before I say anything else. I'm gonna leave it at that anyway.
Speaker 1:Ginger has been waiting up all night. He comes in the house like nothing's, like nothing's happened. You know what I'm saying. No, everything's perfectly fine. She basically gives him the business. I know who dropped you off. Don't even step in here, homeboy, because I know that homeboy at the studio didn't see you. I know the club closed at two. It's 6 am. You clearly spent four hours somewhere else. I know you effing that girl, I know you are and I don't want to hear nothing else about it. Okay, he's like oh, baby, I love you, I love you. She's like cool, prove it. Put a pin in that we're going to get into it.
Speaker 1:Okay, now, by this time, gary's teetotal foolery has reached a fever pitch. It is beyond repair, by the grace of God. The ambulance arrives just in time and they start putting him into the vehicle. I guess he blacked out, it doesn't? I don't really know how he went from punching in glass and punching Eileen in her eye to being laid out like a corpse, but that's where we are at the scene and the entire neighborhood at least a friend group, the crew, if you will is watching and just in disbelief like oh my god, gary, gary, gary, mind you, he's been on a bend for five, six, seven days. The ambulance attendant is like okay, we're gonna get him to the hospital. We're gonna get him all stitched up. Then we gotta let him go.
Speaker 1:Now the crew is appalled how well this man is sick. How could you let him go? Okay, yeah, we all know that he's an alcoholic. I'm not even gonna waste my time because I get off in an hour and a half. But if he doesn't confess that with his own mouth, much like any other confession in a religious sect, there's nothing we can do about it. American responsibility says we stabilize you and we send your ass home. That's what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:Laura, who is used to battery and abuse fully unwarranted, is versed in these sort of things. So she clicks in her mind. She's like no, no, he's bleeding from his wrist. Right, he tried to commit suicide last night. Right, valine, that's what happened. Right, that's what happened. Now val's like oh my gosh, if I betray him he's gonna be upset, but if he doesn't get help, I'm gonna be ruined for the rest of my life. Let me go and pick myself and say yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what. Yeah, that's what happened. He tried to harm himself. So now he can be placed inside this facility.
Speaker 1:The rest of the episode is Gary's denial within that facility and Valene's steadfast, strong. Yeah, I'm a good old Southern girl. The Vidalia onion queen Valene decides it is worth the wait for him. Okay, an onion queen Valaine decides it is worth the wait for him. Okay, let's finish Kenny, so that we can get back to Gary and his foolishness.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, it is worth noting that I can't stand Kenny from this moment on, period Point blank. Now I know I was kicked out of the house as a kid as these shows were on, but I wasn't even alive for this episode. But had I been alive I would have been extremely disgusted. Kenny is a farce of a husband. So Ginger knows he's banging Sylvie, right? This is no secret. Oh geez, please hit me up in fan mail and just kind of break this down to me. If you remember, if you're watching this in real time. I hope it triggered some sort of memory, because otherwise why bring it up?
Speaker 1:Ginger has just witnessed her husband being dropped off at 6 am with no other excuse than his side piece wanted him from the hours between 2 and 4 am Excuse me, 2 and 6 am, period Point blank. There's no other explanation. She's like if you love me, prove it. So she goes about her day, she's enjoying her life. He's always at the studio. He needs to be helping sylvie. She's gonna. She's gonna have this album. She's the next taylor swift, allegedly, let him tell it right. She's at dinners over at laura and richard's house and I personally would never take any marital advice from Laura because I know how she lives. I have to remember on this show that although the audience is privy to information, perhaps the neighbors are not.
Speaker 1:So Ginger gets this call at Laura's house. I guess back in the day, of course, you didn't have caller ID, you just had to hit up all the numbers you remembered to find the person you were looking for. Kenny is asking her to come down to the studio. She's like oh my God, I'm a kindergarten teacher. I have very early mornings. I need to be emotionally and mentally and physically prepared so that I can shape these young Gen X minds. Mind you, this is 1979, 1980. So this is the last little breath of Gen X, right? She didn't want to go to the studio. Now she hangs up the phone and Laura's looking on.
Speaker 1:All judgy-wudgy was a battered wife and she's like. You know, I don't think you're meeting him halfway. Mind you, if this was anyone else, maybe is sound advice. Yes, in a partnership, in a marriage, you have to make certain sacrifices, but again, I don't think that the rest of the crew is privy to the information that the audience is privy to. So Ginger's like well, what would you do?
Speaker 1:Laura says, you know, he moved from Palisades, or wherever the hell, down here because he wanted you. He bought you a house, didn't he? This is typical. This is where I have to check my millennial privilege and say you know what? This was par for the course. Women's rights are still very new. They're relatively new, if you think about it, and in 1967, 1968, 1970, you couldn't have a credit card as a woman without a man signing off on it. Listen, these are, these are just new concepts and I have to keep that state of mind when I'm thinking about this show. So, laura's like you know, you knew he was a, you knew he was a music producer. You knew his job was going to be tedious at best and distant at worst. Regardless of my personal feelings, laura feels like you know what. You're not really meeting him halfway. Why don't you show a little interest in his job? Why don't you show a little interest in what he does? Ginger thinks this is a good idea and she heads on down to the studio.
Speaker 1:Down at the studio, sylvie is caterwauling she's not even singing at this point, just and the engineer's like, oh my god, what the heck? What happened to sylvie? She was, you know, she was singing like celine leon back at the house party, but now she can't seem to find a note. If she's in a boat and the lake is filled with notes, she can't manage to hit one. So everybody's looking at Kenny, like Kenny was with your girl. He talks to her, turns out she is distracted by the fact that he is married and she's confused because even though he's married, he's always with her. So he starts hawking at him. Well, I've done so much for you. Blah, blah, blah. I have a beautiful face and a fake chin, possibly. Blah blah, blah. She's like I'm so sorry, but do you think you could just kick everyone out? You and I could have a one-on-one, maybe I'll get my mojo back. He thinks this is a good idea. Now, mind you, he's already been on the phone with Ginger. Ginger's not coming, only she is coming. So he decides to get down, get nasty, freaky on the couch.
Speaker 1:Well, sylvie to the soundtrack, which is the weirdest part of this whole scene of her caterwauling poorly this song that she is supposed to be singing. She ain't no singer. She ain't no singer. She's not an artist. She is caterwaululing, sounding like crap, in order to get his attention. Well, while they're getting on on this leather tufted couch in walks ginger, she sees it. She's like that's it, that's all I can stand. You go to hell, kenny. Well, he jumps up immediately. He is chest naked, he chases her out of the studio while sylvie brushes her hair back and she starts singing. You know, maybe I'm a hater, call me what you will. I'm also a millennial, so I'm used to the Toni Braxons, the Mariah Careys, the Christina Aguileras, the Whitney Hewson. These are the standards. She ain't nowhere near none of them. Okay. So I'm listening to this like okay, this is what it is.
Speaker 1:Kenny is chasing his wife. She gets home and she's like I'm so sick of this crap. He's like 10 feet behind her but she bursts into the house. She has enough wherewithal to put the chain link lock on and then she starts to destroy his stereo equipment. Like any self-respecting red-blooded American woman, I've never been so proud watching a vintage primetime soap opera.
Speaker 1:You do what you got to do, geng. You do what you gotta do, genji, do you do what you gotta do? She starts dropping 900 pound equipment because, you know, back in the day, nothing was plastic, everything was happy and cumbersome. But she has no problem dropping equipment on the ground and making sure it crashes into bits and pieces. Well, he comes bursting through the door. Ginger, calm down. She's like get out, get out, get out. She flips F out. But it is a tour de force performance. Because I believed her, I was like, oh my God, she is not feeling him Ever.
Speaker 1:The professional though she separates her emotions with her marriage from her emotions as a responsible teacher to Gen X Okay, the last little thrall of Gen X. Now she, as a kindergarten teacher, has already planned this wonderful field trip to the zoo, so she's teaching her children about gorillas and orangutans and whatnot. When some weirdo comes up with a weirdo mask on, she's like what the f looks over? And the guy pulls off the mask and, of course, her possibly implanted prostate surgery jaw husband kenny, and he's like hey, kid, how's it going? We'll get into what I think the kids are thinking at this point, because I understand this generation, because I wanted to be so bad. I don't know everything about them. But just hear me out.
Speaker 1:Kenny begins to wax poetic to the children about how he and Miss, he and Ginger. He didn't even have the audacity, he didn't even have the respect to keep the facade abreast and say, mrs ward, who she is? He's like ginger, don't give kids, especially elementary kids, their teacher's government name. They don't know her name, they had no way of looking it up. Well, he's like well, me and ginger got into a fight last night. Now, you know, I thought I bought her this pretty dress and I think we should make up. And the kids are like yeah, you should totally make up. Like it's an episode of Ricky Lake or something. Only they don't know all the details.
Speaker 1:One of the kids is smart enough and he's like well, did you spank her? Ginger's like okay, let me, let me, let me. Three, two, one, one, two, three. What? 321-123. What the heck is bothering me? 321-123. What the heck is bothering me? K-e-n-n-y, kenny, that's what's bothering me.
Speaker 1:So she sends her kids on and she's like listen, fool, you got a lot of audacity coming up to my job, interrupting my day. I'm trying to shape these young minds. Okay, these are the people who are going to be gonna be doing surgery. They're gonna build the internet. I need them. Focus. You, freak. What the hell are you doing here with this weirdo mask on? And he saw I'm so sorry, ginger, just did you. I understood. I didn't understand how sad you would be until you started smashing my uh musical equipment and then I got it. She's like I swear to god, swear to god. He's like I want to work this out. She's like I'm not working anything out with you because you clearly don't understand me. But I love you, ginger. She's like I know you love me. That's the worst part of this. All you love me and you'll still do what you'll do. That's it. That's all. He ends up moving up with Sylvie. That's it. That's all we hear about in the rest of the episode.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get into Gary's last-ditch effort to remain a full-fledged alcoholic in denial. As a parent who is tasked with the responsibility of not only raising wholesome, wonderful people, it's hard to describe what it feels like to be self-aware. Some people just are, some people aren't. I do believe it is genetically embedded in you for this to be an easier occurrence or not. Most people have blinders on. It is a human condition to put blinders on when you are doing something destructive that is also giving you pleasure. Pleasure is one of the ultimate catalysts for putting on blinders.
Speaker 1:So in this next scene, gary of course wakes up at the hospital and he's very confused, like what the heck is going on? I'm not drinking right now, as of 9.59. Am I'm not drinking at this moment? I should be let out Someone. Let me talk to my wife. Am I'm not drinking at this moment? I should be let out someone. Let me talk to my wife.
Speaker 1:Enter miss kramer, not miss dr charlie kramer. She is a no-nonsense woman with a bouffant from 1960, in circa 1979, 1980. She's like yo, garrett, I to be your new psychologist. I don't pull any punches. Quite frankly, you're a drunkity drunk drunk. Not my favorite person in the world. If I find out you're causing trouble in this hospital, a number space, an opportunity baby, it's going to be a problem. She basically puts down the law. Lets him know Do you smell la, la, la, la, la, la la what Dr Kramer is cooking? Garrett's like yeah, yeah, yeah, chill, chill, chill. He's thinking you're tripping. I'm fine, let me see my wife and I'm going to get the hell on out of here.
Speaker 1:Now he sees Val Val has her face covered a little bit so he doesn't clock the black eye right away. He hugs her and he's back to being Gary. And it's so heart wrenching, baby. I'm so, so, so sorry. Oh my God, I can't believe I did this. I'm so sorry, but you know what? I'm better now. We're going to make it. We're making it, we're doing great. I'm a veep, we have a house, I can do this baby.
Speaker 1:And it's just like my heart ripped out for him because like, oh my god, he's not the same person. When he's drunk it's a totally different person. And valine feels the same way and she starts to maneuver her face where he sees the black eye and then it hits him like, oh my god, baby, what did I do? He is unaware, he's completely oblivious to the fact that he's wanted about like a seven day bender and he's like you know, they think I tried to commit suicide, but once they know that I didn't, I should get out Fair point. But it is what it is.
Speaker 1:I understand both parties here, because it's one thing to be accused of something you didn't do. It's also one thing to be a destructive person who maybe you didn't slice your wrist but you, drinking at this pace puts you on route to end your life much, much sooner than you would otherwise. And that's Valene's point. She's like Gary, it didn't really matter whether or not you have a blade or a bottle. You are killing yourself, sir, and I need you to stop. He ain't trying to hit her, so he's trying to keep cool. He's doing that thing where you're like okay, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, let me not act crazy. But of course you act crazy. Don't think about the word bouffant right now. Don't think about the word elephant. You're going to do both. That's what happens.
Speaker 1:So Dr Kramer is watching in the shadows Like I wish he would. I wish he would pop off. I can't wait to take my goons on you. And that's exactly what she does. He is drugged back to his room because he wants Valene to say that he's not suicidal. He wants to go home, but she can't because he will never have help otherwise. And you start to see the burden, the actual weight of the relationship that they hold together.
Speaker 1:We meet an inspirational character on this episode. I got to do this a little bit out of sequence because it's relevant, but it's not super, super relevant. So Dr Kramer is a psychologist. She wants to shrink Gary a little bit. She wants to put him in therapy so that he can kind of understand his condition. It's not her job to point out all his flaws, it's her job to kind of open his eyes. So they're in this room and it is dangerously reminiscent of baby John Ewing III's fever dream nursery.
Speaker 1:That has haunted me. I don't know about you if you're watching this in real time, but it's haunted me for the last two, three months. I don't know why they put him in this room, but Gary's not having it. His whole point is I'm not drunk now. That should be good enough to let me out. I don't want to kill myself. That's just not in my nature. I feel like I'm held against my will. I need to leave. Dr Kramer says I'd love to let you leave, but I'm just going to level with you.
Speaker 1:You are a different kind of alcoholic, my guy. You're not just the alcoholic who's content to drink out a wine bottle and pass out on the sand. That's not you. You're not the kind who blacks out and just just sleeps for three days. You are the kind who drinks liquor. Your personality flips and you are a dangerous, violent, terrible person. He of course, denies it.
Speaker 1:Untrue, untrue, untrue, erroneous, erroneous. She's like fine, I'll prove it. You can have this bottle of whiskey, she, she removes it from her pocket, or you'd have a dime to call your wife valine the vidalia onion queen. Oh, studio audience. What do you think he does? You already know what he does. I wouldn't be so upset if he didn't. He reaches for the bourbon, which is actually Lipton sun tea, and he's pissed. Oh my God, this is caffeine. What are you doing? And the doctor's like baby boy, I told you you have a problem. Now, unbeknownst to him, balene is watching from a closed circuit camera in a different room, so she sees all this.
Speaker 1:So the next thing, we find gary in this rec room and he has a new friend, a beautiful black gentleman by the name of muhammad akka, and he introduces this guy to sid. Sid comes to visit instead of elaine. Shout out to gary with the pronunciation now, um, brother mu, brother Muhammad is on his last leg. He's like listen, he can say it. That's, that's. That's the biggest contrast of the scene. Gary seems to be receptive of him because brother Muhammad is not actually trying to teach him anything. He's just like I'm an alcoholic. I didn't realize it until X, y, z, but that's what I am and it's okay. Blase, blase In walks, sid.
Speaker 1:Sid is continuing to be obtuse. Gary wants to know where Valene is. Valene ain't coming. She wanted me to come just to look at you. If you don't get your itch together, I'm not going to give you the title of Veep. Mind you, gary already quit last episode. So finally Gary said well, yeah, I'm going to AA tonight. Everybody's super excited, everybody wants to see him succeed. But he is running game. He is doing, he is in his JR bag.
Speaker 1:This entire episode and this next scene is probably the best scene. The wonderful thing about AA not only does it hold people accountable, it brings alcoholics together so that they can work through these things, they can earn tips. It is a beautiful, wonderful, excellent community, but not for Gary. Aa also serves cake, and so Gary cuts himself a sizable portion of cake and then he acts like he's walking back to his room. He's only told two people he's going to the meeting, so it's not unusual that he's heading back to his room.
Speaker 1:He heads back to his room and he gets in and he starts acting weird. He starts putting on all these clothes and I'm thinking what the hell are you doing, gary? You're being weird. No, gary is MacGyver. When it comes to packing clothes, I am a terrible packer. I grew up in the desert, where we have just kind of unpredictable weather, so I don't know how to pack. It's a three-day trip. I'm packing 20 days worth of clothes. I just don't get it. But he gets it. Gary's like okay, I need to sneak out of here. So he disrobes a little bit and then he ties regular street clothes around his body, around his waist, and then he puts his robe back on so it looks like nothing happened. Maybe he gained two or three pounds from the sizable pork smith cake he ate.
Speaker 1:Then he sneaks to the nurse's station, he fishes out keys, he walks out the front door Lottie, dottie, he wants to party by himself and he ends up back at his house where Valene is absolutely disappointed to see him. But he doesn't get it. Babe, I'm fine, what are you doing? I'm not going to AA, I don't need AA. I'm fine, you don't go to AA, I'll go to AA. She ends up going. Now here's a beautiful thing. This woman has given her whole testimony about how she was this, she was that, why she did the things she did. She'd been sober for X amount of days. It is a beautiful moment and this woman is clearly waited to the end of the show to give her testimony.
Speaker 1:Gary's friend, muhammad Akahil, waits to the very end. He's like oh, now listen, I waited to the end, I don't want anybody interrupting me. I got a big announcement to make. I'm going home tonight and everybody's elated way to go, kyle, way to go. Everybody's super pumped. He's worked really, really hard but, unbeknownst to him, gary Ewing is standing in the door after he's already said don't say nothing. After I say what I'm gonna say, gary's like wait a minute, I got an announcement, I got an announcement. So this better be better than an alcoholic who is recovered and ready to go home and mints with society seamlessly. No, gary comes strutting in all chest tear Texas Ewing, and he's like my name is Gary Ewing and I'm an alcoholic. No, it's Sherlock End scene. That's the end of season one, not saying anything Among the many things I didn't know.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize that Gary was such a complex and interesting character. On Dallas he was kind of an afterthought. You know what I mean. You've got the tension between Bobby and JR. You have the tension between Pam and the family. You have the tension between Cliff and everyone else. He just kind of got lost in it because they didn't have a lot of dialogue and I just couldn't for the life of me figure out why they would have a spinoff for this dud. I might owe Gary the dud an apology. The season itself there's not a through line, which we'll get into next episode, but the acting chops this episode between Ginger and Gary were amazing.
Speaker 1:Gary is far more complicated, far more complex and far more interesting than I ever thought. Dare, I say he might've been a little bit more attractive to me on this episode. That is what it is, nothing deep behind that. Again, far more complex than I've ever could have imagined. I had no idea he was like an escape artist. The brilliancy behind needing to sneak out of a building. He had the plan, he had the wherewithal to think ahead and think okay, I need to get out, I can't bear, we'll walk out of here with a suitcase. I'm thinking he was going to steal like a nurse's outfit or a doctor's outfit. He's like nah, that has been done time and time again what I'm going to do. I'm going to strap my street clothes as flush with my body as possible and I'm going to skedaddle on out of here while everyone else is eating cake and talking about their problems.
Speaker 1:It's mad, disrespectful, but it's also very impressive. I problems it's mad, disrespectful, but it's also very impressive. I mean, at the very least I hope he creates some sort of consulting business for security. He would know Takes one to know one right. It also points out the whole like alcoholic theme thing. Gary is completely unaware of himself. He does not understand that he is an alcoholic. He does understand that he's destructive when he's an alcoholic.
Speaker 1:But you know who did the clerk? Have you ever stumbled upon being like an accidental expert in something I think we all are? It's one of those things. It's very subtle and you don't notice it until, like, someone points it out. But I know a lady who worked at a department store for many, many years and she works in the lingerie department, so she's able to clock as soon as you walk up. She can give you your bra size within like half an inch almost immediately. I think about that. I'm like, well, what do I have with that? I I can't tell you that, but I could probably tell you. I can tell what movie you want to watch, and I think people like bartenders, who see people at their most vulnerable, it's probably those are the people who are probably the best at their job, because you don't intend to reveal as much information as you do, but you can't help yourself, especially under the influence and this episode was. It was perfect that he was able to kind of break that down that no, this isn't just your regular alcoholic, this is a super, duper alcoholic and it was absolutely verified by Dr Kramer, who we got to get into because she hit me in the feels for all the wrong reasons.
Speaker 1:Now Dr Kramer comes on. She's an unassuming, probably 65-year-old woman with a bouffant. She's got her hair slicked back. It is sprayed down. I've seen this hairdo time and time again, especially growing up in Texas. Some of us get stuck in a particular time period. I'm starting to see this a little bit with myself, but Dr Kramer seems to be stuck in one of those situations where she found her hairdo in the 60s and she stuck with it. It also paints my theory perfectly that women with short hair on a soap opera mean business. If you're older with short hair, you are unfadable, a la Angela the Perm Rock God. If you're older, with short hair. You are unfadable A la Angela the Perm Rock. God, I hope we see more of Dr Kramer because, if my theory is correct, usually the second or third season you introduce some sort of utility character, being a doctor or a lawyer or someone that can explain the storylines or any sort of plot holes that you need. Gary moving through the rest of this series as a sober man, you might need a little bit of backup. So I'm hoping Dr Kramer pops off more and more because she was with it, she was ready to take him down and she did.
Speaker 1:I want to talk very briefly about Richard's reluctance to help find Gary. He already mentioned previous episode that he knew Gary didn't really like him. Have you ever stumbled upon someone who you didn't really care for but you needed? They needed your help? You're like oh, am I going to be a good person or am I going to just follow my heart? This guy hates me. Why should I waste any time? Sometimes being a good person means you just put aside those facts and shout out to Richard for being easily duped. But at least he was duped doing the right thing.
Speaker 1:Worst of all is Kenny Kenny, kenny, kenny, oh, geez Again. Please text me and let me know. Is this a thing or is this not a thing? I cannot decipher it for myself. It really irritated me that Kenny felt the need to not only sleep with Sylvie time and time again, but once he was caught, he didn't even offer an apology. What he wanted to do is explain that this is still a business. What he wanted to do is explain that this is still a business. He wants gender to believe that this you know slang and d is part of his business acumen. This makes him a good producer? It really doesn't. And sylvie has his card. She's like if I can just pry him away from his wife long enough, she's gonna dump him. He's never gonna dump her, but she can dump him and then I can have him. Girl, you don't want them leftovers, do you not see the problem here? She clearly doesn't.
Speaker 1:What irritated me the most is that Ginger was being strong, she was being focused and he thought the best way to get back at you would be to go to your place of business and let me interrupt your day. I'm going to entertain these kids. I'm going gonna bring the kids in, because the kids are your heartstring. I was like you, dirty bastard. How dare you, how dare you? My girl held her own, though she was like you know what? These are Gen X kids, which we got to talk about because these are the feral generation. This is the generation. This is latchkey kids. Gen X is obviously not. Obviously, but I don't know if people know this. They're the smallest generation because birth control came about, so a lot of women were not proceeding with pregnancy. A lot of women didn't get pregnant because they were, you know, they had a little more control over their bodies.
Speaker 1:But these kids were very it was funny to me that they were listening to. Kenny and Ginger had the poise not to tell them all the tea, but they were like yeah, yeah, yeah, you should work it out, you work. They were ready to problem solve, they were ready to handle their business, but they were all super duper mature and I just kind of chuckled to myself because it's like yeah, they're saying this now, but in the next 10 years the explosion of talk shows would happen. So their afternoons, by the time they were 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, they would be watching Jenny Jones, geraldo, they would be watching all these shows where you'd actually get the real tea, and then you'd hear Miss Ginger's version, where she's like well, what happened actually was I walked in the studio and his side piece, who had already called me, they were getting it down on the tufted couch and I'm like they would have had a totally different opinion. But it also kind of made me chuckle because I thought to myself this is Gen X. They probably planned that. They probably planned the school field trip themselves. They probably got themselves on the bus. They probably packed their own lunch that day. They're fine, these kids were perfectly fine. As she needed to check Kenny and she's like y'all go over to the next exhibit, no problem. Today would I let my children wander off? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:I think the last thing we need to talk about is the most important name of this series or, excuse me, of this episode. It's not, you know, reconciliation and forgiveness a la Vidalia Onion Queen and Gary the Dud. It is not, you know, a community banding together to help one of their own. It's not redemption, it's not faith, it's none of those things. The question here is are we all losers for not following Gary's lead? Should we be dumpster diving losers for not following Gary's lead? Should we be dumpster diving? Gary figured out that you can drink backwash a little bit and still get drunk. Matter of fact, he made it his whole MO to sit in the bar and wait till drinks were not completely drank. And you know he was having a beautiful life. He was filthy, he stunk, all to be damned, but you know what? Was he lit or was he lit? He was lit.
Speaker 1:Now I have seen, and I'm sure most of you have seen, especially if you're a lady you've seen these women who dumpster dive behind TJ Maxx, behind all these wonderful places, behind grocery stores, and they swear up and down that it's like listen, the expiration date is simply a suggestion. It's highly improbable that if you're following all these safety and food standards that are put out by the FDA, that their food is actually going to spoil by the due date. It's improbable, actually. So you should definitely go behind your local market and jump into the dumpster and just take out all the food. I've seen this more times than a little bit, more times than I'm comfortable talking about, where people have gone behind, like Olive Garden, and picked up the wasted bread and the salad. Or they've gone behind the Olive Garden and picked up the you know, the wasted bread and the salad or they've gone behind.
Speaker 1:You know the movie theater. It is a common practice for most theaters. If y'all don't know this, I'm sorry to burst your bubble to popcorn, pop the popcorn, put it in a bag and then at the beginning of the next day you just dump it back in and you are eating used popcorn. If you go, if you go first thing in the morning, they're going to start the kettle, but you're actually not eating hot, fresh popcorn. You're just eating warmed over two to three day old popcorn. It is what it is. Are we missing out on a major moment here? Did Gary Ewing predict the sustainability that we need for 2024? I think the jury's still out, but I know what I know for sure. I fully enjoyed season one of this show and I think I have a new theory about the spinoff. Join me next time as we jump back into soap opera debauchery. In the meantime, in the 20 times, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your booze closest, stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. © BF-WATCH TV 2021.