Can courtroom drama ever be too much to handle? We kick off by dissecting the chaos of Dynasty's Season 4, Episode 5, "The Hearing Part 2." Steven's powerful courtroom stand, Alexis and Sammy Joe's escalating rivalry, and Krystal's humiliation by her niece’s deceitful testimony take center stage. We question Blake's moral compass and critique the show's character development, all while reveling in a slap fest that rivals the best of daytime TV. Grab your bubbly and settle in for a deep dive into vintage TV writing that kept audiences glued to their screens.
Next, we shift our focus to the tumultuous events in Montana, following Kirby, Adam, Jeff, and Fallon. Fallon embarks on a quest to uncover Adam’s dark past after a mysterious call, leading her to Billings alongside Jeff. Amidst dealing with her father's recent suicide and an unwanted pregnancy, Kirby faces more emotional turmoil as Adam sows discord between her and Jeff. Meanwhile, Jeff and Fallon rekindle their complex relationship, adding layers of betrayal and romance. This chapter is packed with lies, past traumas, and rekindled flames, making it a compelling saga you won't want to miss.
Finally, we revisit some of the most intense family drama from Season 1. We explore Fallon's controversial choices, Jeff's reluctant caretaker role, and Sammy Jo's high-stakes custody hearing. The strategic courtroom dynamics, confrontations between Blake and Alexis, and the explosive showdown involving Claudia and Samantha Jo’s slap fest are highlighted. This episode is a rollercoaster of relationships, betrayals, and ambitions, setting the stage for even more drama to come. Join us as we navigate the frothy waters of this iconic primetime soap opera.
Can courtroom drama ever be too much to handle? We kick off by dissecting the chaos of Dynasty's Season 4, Episode 5, "The Hearing Part 2." Steven's powerful courtroom stand, Alexis and Sammy Joe's escalating rivalry, and Krystal's humiliation by her niece’s deceitful testimony take center stage. We question Blake's moral compass and critique the show's character development, all while reveling in a slap fest that rivals the best of daytime TV. Grab your bubbly and settle in for a deep dive into vintage TV writing that kept audiences glued to their screens.
Next, we shift our focus to the tumultuous events in Montana, following Kirby, Adam, Jeff, and Fallon. Fallon embarks on a quest to uncover Adam’s dark past after a mysterious call, leading her to Billings alongside Jeff. Amidst dealing with her father's recent suicide and an unwanted pregnancy, Kirby faces more emotional turmoil as Adam sows discord between her and Jeff. Meanwhile, Jeff and Fallon rekindle their complex relationship, adding layers of betrayal and romance. This chapter is packed with lies, past traumas, and rekindled flames, making it a compelling saga you won't want to miss.
Finally, we revisit some of the most intense family drama from Season 1. We explore Fallon's controversial choices, Jeff's reluctant caretaker role, and Sammy Jo's high-stakes custody hearing. The strategic courtroom dynamics, confrontations between Blake and Alexis, and the explosive showdown involving Claudia and Samantha Jo’s slap fest are highlighted. This episode is a rollercoaster of relationships, betrayals, and ambitions, setting the stage for even more drama to come. Join us as we navigate the frothy waters of this iconic primetime soap opera.
Now she wanna now. Now he's so in love. Now she's a remarkable woman, Now she's a good mother. She ain't seen that baby in six months.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jett, viewing and reviewing one of the soapiest, fuzziest primetime storylines of 1983. We're heading back to Dynasty for Season 4, episode 5, the Hearing Part 2. The simple little custody case is turned into the Jerry Springer show with the quickness. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kid it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell Babe no questions, suggestions or concerns in the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot. You should be cool, quiet or you might get kicked out, and you'll definitely not want to miss this one.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord party people, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of soap lord. This one is for the books, baby. We have our first ever slap fest on this show now. I knew that at some point there was going to have to be hand-to-hand combat after that whole crystal and alexis fist fight, the first season and that's no second season. In the studio it was fantastic. I didn't know how it's going to be worked into the show going forward, but you simply can't stop doing that at this point. Plus, it is in my mind that this is the birth of the whole Jerry Springer era, the whole Jenny Jones, geraldo all that you might want to see people slapped around on television like it's going out of style, and this show still has us in a chokehold 40 years later. Pardon me, where are my manners? Welcome to another episode of Soap Lore where we dive into the frothy waters of vintage primetime soap operas. I'm your host, jet, your millennial host, who tries to make sense of the drama that my toddler and pre-kindergarten self missed out on.
Speaker 1:So today we're dissecting season four, episode five, the Hearing Part Two. And oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Do we have a lineup of scandalous shenanigans to cover, including, but not limited to, stephen's soapbox baby? He stood up, spoke up and shut it down. He said what he said and he don't want to talk about it anymore. Alexis and sammy joe, mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the messiest of them all? Crystals cringe. Oh, the secondhand embarrassment as crystal watches her trifling little niece. Take the stand and weave a web of lies is a stuff of nightmares.
Speaker 1:On this episode we'll also have to discuss the spectrum of swagger who has it, who doesn't, who inherited it and who's learning it? Gotta talk about my girl, kirby curve's shamble of a love life at this point I don't know what else to do and the piece de resistance, a good old-fashioned slap fest between two people I would not want to be stuck in an elevator with. Settle on in, grab yourself something bubbly, pick up a little snacky poo and let's get into season four, episode five, the Hearing part two, dynasty, sometimes gives me whiplash. I have to always go back to what Erica said. Be sure to check out televisionofyorecom Great recaps of classic television. But she pointed this out. She said, you know, back when these shows were written and recorded, the VCR was very new and the writers did not have the frame of mind to think that at some point people would watch these shows more than once. Up until this point in time, tv had pretty much been a one-off thing. Right, it makes a lot of sense when you look at Dynasty sometimes. This episode is no exception.
Speaker 1:The whole Steven and Blake relationship goes back and forth. You know you have Blake being this staunch businessman with some sort of moral compass, a very you know what. We're not even going to go there. He don't have a moral compass. He just doesn't like things. He doesn't like Ie, someone stealing his thunder or, in this case, his son being gay and living with another man who is his friend, friend, friend, friend, friend. We'll get into that here in a bit. But they go back and forth with. You know, with Blake and I. It doesn't come off as like him being multifaceted. It just seems like he forgot they. One episode he is the loving, doting father who really, really cares about everyone, and the next he is a shark. And there's like there's not enough nuance in his day to day dialogue on the show that makes you believe that the belief that he is both he's either one or the other. He's never kind of meshed very well being both. You know what I mean. Like Alexis is very playful and slithery. You always know she's got a scheme, but you see her being vulnerable. Blake doesn't come off as vulnerable.
Speaker 1:So on this episode, of course this is the hearing part two. Most of the story is taking part in the courtroom. Most of the juicy parts. However, there are a few little tidbits sprinkled here and there, starting with the opening scene.
Speaker 1:Alexis enters her house looking just like Elizabeth Taylor to me. Mind you, this is someone born in the 80s. That is my frame of reference. That haircut, the look, the eye color, she looks. She looks a lot like Elizabeth Taylor to me, with that weird haircut which seems a little matronly for someone as fun and vibrant and stylish as the Alexis Carrington Colby.
Speaker 1:So she comes home and her whole penthouse is ransacked. She's freaking out. She calls a cough and she's probably thinking in the background man, somebody just tried to shoot me, somebody we never actually did figure out who was trying to kill me. So here they come again. Maybe I don't know who did this, but I need to keep my head on a swivel now. She must.
Speaker 1:I don't know if she sleeps in a hotel room, probably a La Mirage, like everyone else on this show, but she wakes up the next day. She puts on all blue, she puts on her little pill cap hat with the veil, because she's going back to court with the full intention of getting back on the stand to drag Blake Harrington through the mud one more again, god willing. I love the pleasure and the careful planning she takes to make sure that she's ruining his day. She's like you know, I don't care if somebody's trying to kill me, I'm going to get on that stand one more again and let the whole world know Blake ain't ish either. But before she can do that, fallon gets on the stand and she gives this really beautiful testimony and it's all true. Mind you, fallon has nothing to gain in this whole scenario. She's like dude.
Speaker 1:Stephen is a beautiful person. I love him very much. He's very caring. He's an amazing father. He's an amazing uncle, amazing brother. Everything he does. He's wonderful. He's good to those he loves. This baby is so lucky to have him.
Speaker 1:And then she gives us all this harrowing retelling of the way he came down the stairs, or crystal, came floating down the stairs. My stepmother, crystal, was holding our baby and she always wears cream, so she and her cream and gold were floating down the staircase as all the paid servants had to watch on and pretend to be happy. And steven in his brand new face and about six inches in height, came waltzing through the door and he held the baby and he's like my son, my son. It was just like simba and mufasa, or rafiki and mufasa I'm lying king except in reverse. The whole crowd presented the baby to my brother. Anyway, it was dope like disney's totally gonna steal this idea in a few years and you know they're gonna put whatever.
Speaker 1:This is all fine, well and good. She doesn't want to stick around any longer than that because, like I said, she has nothing to gain here. Fallon doesn't. But we get a little sneaky poo of things to come. The bailiff comes waltzing out and he's Alexis and Fallon are talking to each other. Alexis wants Fallon to set up some sort of grandparent visiting hours because Blake says she can't come to the house anymore. So Alexis wants Fallon to bring the baby by. But Fallon's like I don't even take care of that kid, like that, like I go to work and I know he has a schedule. Talk to his nanny. She didn't say it like that, but she says it. Anyway, the bailiff comes up and he's like Mrs Colby, there's a call for you. So of course they both turn, because they're both Mrs Colby, and he's like well, you know, it's from Billings, montana.
Speaker 1:Now this gets Alexis's heckles up. She's like oh, fallon goes, oh, that's for me, that's for me, that's for me. I gotta go take that. That's an emergency, alexis. Her nuances are beautiful because you can see where. Okay, adam, I totally regret saying these things to you.
Speaker 1:So she goes to the office to just talk to Adam for two reasons. She wants him to move back into the penthouse because somebody broke in. She just feels better if he's there. Also, she wants to give him a little bit of a heads up about Fallon digging into his past, because she knows whether he's saying anything or not, no matter what he did before. She knows that he, when he got to Denver, you definitely tried to kill somebody, if nothing else.
Speaker 1:Now you, my son, I'm not going to turn you in, but we need to discuss this now. He is absolutely not interested in moving back home because, hey, you thought I was gonna kill you. You left me on the rain to drown. I was kidnapped by some crazy old lady. I come back into your life and the first thing you do, the first chance you get, is you chastise me in front of your. Your real kids, your replacement kids, threatened to kick me out of the will. You got a luck girl Crazier than you. Look If you think I'm going to move back in your house.
Speaker 1:She's like damn, all that, that was a long time ago. Why are you bringing up old stuff? She's like all right, fine. Well, you need to keep an eye out for your baby sister because she is slick, she is smart, she's resourceful. For your baby sister because she is slick, she is smart, she's resourceful, plus she's rich. So she don't really need to be all that. All she needs to be is ready.
Speaker 1:Or she got a call today at the courthouse from billings montana about you, adam, out of the cool, crazy cucumber you can see where he's like hmm, okay, something's going on. You can see it in his eyes, but it's gone as quickly as it appears. He then tells them you know, mom, don't tells them. You know, mom, don't worry about it, I have nothing to hide, don't worry about it, I'm going to go ahead and spill that tea. What actually is going to happen is that she needs to get on a plane because she has discovered that that case that Adam lied about. He swears up and down.
Speaker 1:He was not on the case with the mercuric oxide, but she needs to speak to some gentlemen who worked at the plant at the time. Now the guy's been hard to find. I guess her PI has found him. She wants to speak to him in person because people can hang up on the phone. I believe in that. I believe in showing up if you need real information. So she decides to do just that.
Speaker 1:But she goes to Jeffy Jeff for companionship. In not so many worlds she's a woman. She didn't think he's going to talk to her, with just her. But if there's a man and a woman, this gentleman may just talk to her. And here we go with this, reinventing the past. Suddenly, oh, you're the, you're the sweetest guy I know. Jeff, you're the most wonderful person I know and I just I would really feel so comfortable with you there. And you know, jeff's panties begin to melt off. Yeah, he forgets about kirby curb, who's back at the crib going crazy rightfully so. And he's like, yeah, I'll go ahead and go with you, let me just let Kirby know. So, actually, no, kirby is minding her own business, doing things to soothe her nerves.
Speaker 1:For those of you who are new to this short version, kirby's father was a major domo at the house. He has recently committed suicide. She also found out that she is pregnant from a rapey, rapey Adam who took advantage, who raped her there's no other word for that. He raped her a few months back. She ends up marrying Jeff like three months later they get pregnant, or so she thought, only to find out that the baby is actually the rape baby from Adam. So she's minding her business, playing some concerto or something on the piano, trying to soothe her nerves. Who walks in? But Adam, adam, what are you doing here? Oh, I live here now. So she's like holy crap. She's reeling from the sudden death of her father. She's also reeling from learning that this pregnancy does not belong to the man she's been in love with when she was a kid. It belongs to the guy who got rapey rapey with her. Now he's living up in the house.
Speaker 1:Next thing, you know, the telephone rings. It's Jeff on the phone talking about he's on the plane with Fallon, who was his baby's mama. They're flying to Billings, montana. She's like what the hell is in Billings? Now Adam hears this and he does the right thing. He is Alexis Carrington's son, first and foremost. He sees an opportunity to sow some confusion. He's like oh my God, that's weird. Why do they need to go together? Why are they doing? Is that why you're so upset, man Kirby? I hope you're okay. I don't want you to upset you and the baby. Now, mind you, adam doesn't know that that's his baby, he has no clue. But all he's thinking is let me go ahead and put a wedge in between Jeff and Kirby, because, despite what he says, he can't stand Jeff for real. For real, jeff has taken his rightful place at the company he had to. Adam had to kiss the ring with Jeff. Alexis gave him all of the power while she was out, even though Adam is her flesh and blood. So he feels a way about it. He's so in this little confusion Meanwhile and Jeff are in Billings and, for whatever reason, they get stuck.
Speaker 1:That's actually the reason they call. Well, that Jeff calls so that he can tell Kirby he can't make it back. So long story short. They're having this conversation, fallon and Jeff, about Kirby, and he's like I just don't know why. She just can't get over these things. Mother, sir, her dad has been dead for 14.6 minutes. She's allowed to grieve, but this is a soap opera. You know, they got to get over that real quick. Well, before you know it, he starts confessing oh god, she's just so opera. You know, they got to get over that real quick. Well, before you know it. He starts confessing oh gosh, she's just so different. You know, fallon, and there's always going to be a part of me that's going to be in love with you because you're so amazing. Blah, blah, blah. And these two little skinny bone, little narrow, big-headed people start filling each other up, they start caressing one another. Next thing, you, jeff, jumps back in the stack with Fallon.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking to the OGs and the novices you remember when, right, I watched season one, like you watched season one. I watched season two like you watched season two. We all watched season three. Name me one episode, I dare you, I dare you, where they had real chemistry. Name one episode, I dare you, I dare you, where they had real chemistry. Name one time. Name one time. I'll name one time they didn't.
Speaker 1:Season one, episodes two through four, where she was actively hooking up with his uncle. Remember that. Then they tried to rewrite history because he was almost her daddy. Remember that she couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed after she crashed the car and had that baby. She didn't want nothing to do with them because she was more concerned with being her daddy's daughter than being a mother to her son. Remember Jeff had to come and take care of the baby. Now she wanted now. Now he's so in love now. She's a remarkable woman. Now she's a good mother. She ain't seen that baby in six months. What is her name?
Speaker 1:Fallon the phony lives at that whack hotel where the same six people walk in and out. She's trying to get Mark, as fallon has become a complete and total bore and they tried to zhuzh it up this episode by putting her back in the sack with good luck, chuck steven I mean, oh my god, not steven, that would be terrible. What's his name? Jeff? I can't even remember his name. I'm so pissed off at him. I do believe he deserves his own episode, though we're gonna have to talk about him. Maybe we'll have a little more lore. Why jump into his character a bit more? Because it's like you should have the formula here everything's there, it's just not working out. That's neither here nor there, because you know what is working out.
Speaker 1:The star witness in this whole custody hearing Sammy Jo is back in town, baby, she's fresh off the plane. Sammy Jo, sammy Jo, sammy Jo is back in town, baby, she's fresh off the plane. Sammy Jo, sammy Jo, sammy Jo. Much like Alexis, she has been patiently waiting for a track to explode on, particularly one involving Stephen. Now, memory serves me correctly, I know this because I went back and watched a couple. There was never any real fallout with Stephen, like he never actually did anything to her. She was just not feeling him once she realized that she was going to be a regular degular working woman. Now quiet is kept.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have to side with Sammy just a little bit. What is the point of marrying a bajillionaire son if you're going to be Joe Fousen here? If you love him, it's not that big a deal. He's clearly savvy. He's clearly been in the business. He's a hard worker. Regardless. He's got a little bit of wanderlust, you know what I'm saying. Not really great at processing emotions, but look where he comes from. You know what I'm saying. All in all, though, he's a pretty stand-up, sturdy man. He's a good guy. She wasn't feeling it. She wanted the minks, remember. She picked out that flawless mink coat and she even had her initials engraved or sewn into it. But his mother, alexis, can smell it a mile away. Game recognizes game and we'll get into that here in a bit. We got to get into Sammy Jo showing up as a surprise guest on WWE this episode. So let me set the scene for you.
Speaker 1:This trial. I keep calling it a trial because it's in the courtroom. It's not necessarily a trial, it is just a hearing right. There is no jury. This is a much, much smaller audience, but it's still impactful.
Speaker 1:You have blake and lawyer andrew on one side. You've got stephen and his homeboy chris on the other side. You've got fallon who refuses to stay, rightfully, so I respect that. She does her little testimony and she don't want nothing else to do with it, so she leaves. But you got crystal carrington being supportive of seems to be more of steven. You've got alexis who's also patiently waiting for another track to explode on. She is there to decimate blake carrington period, point blank. And then you've got claudia blaisdell who is, as far as I can tell, ste Stephen's new boo thing for the time period. You know how they do. You know how they do. I'm sorry. Stephen loves a hooker. He loved one dude and he seems to bed hop with a lot of women. I'm just saying Somebody needs to figure this out sooner rather than later.
Speaker 1:So anyway, it's a small amount of people in the courtroom After Fallon goes on. You know they have this whole recess, then they're supposed to come back, but it's taking a little bit longer. Everyone's there, except lawyer Andrew, where Andrew floats in and he's all confident. He's confident because he knows what's coming. Now here's that whole non-duality duality thing with Blake. Now he's like okay, hey, I don't want Stephen embarrassed, okay, I just want Sammy Jo to come in here and say what she needs to say. I do not want my son embarrassed. Andrew, I know you're a werewolf in the courtroom, but you cannot attack. You can't attack Stephen. I don't want it. He's like don't even trip, don't even worry about it. Nobody else knows Sammy Jo's coming, but she makes an entrance and it is so reminiscent of the first time we saw alexis on season two, episode one baby. The door bursts open.
Speaker 1:Samantha joe is no longer wearing a bikini. She's a respectable broad on this day. She's got on a bright red jacket and a matching hat and she steps into the courtroom and looks sad. She wants everybody to see. She's like I'm not taking another step until like she's j-lo or somebody. I'm not moving from this inch, from this moment, until everyone looks at me. So you know, alexis is pissed. She's sick to her stomach. Claudia looks. You know she's got that tranquil. I don't know if she's on tranquilizers. If her and emma share the same doctor, the same pharmacy, I don't know. She don't know if she's on tranquilizers, if her and Emma share the same doctor, the same pharmacy, I don't know. She don't seem stressed. She never seemed stressed. She's definitely just like oh wow, that's weird, crystal.
Speaker 1:Crystal, looks like how you feel if your mom shows up on the third day of school in her pajamas with rollers in her hair. You're like, oh, my god, I love you, but what the hell are you doing here? She's, she's pissed at, blake, like how dare you bring her? Told you, leave my little trashy niece alone. It's too much, right, it's too much.
Speaker 1:Well, samantha came to show up and show out she has zero intention of doing anything other than embarrassing the hell out of steven on the stand. All because basically, I guess because he didn't give her the money. I really had to go back and watch a few episodes and it's like there was never any, at least not on his part. He didn't actually ever do anything to her, but let Sammy Jo tell it. Their relationship went a little something like this so she and Stephen were married for a little bit. They had their differences. They went their separate ways. He goes out to California to get her.
Speaker 1:This is her telling the story. Right, she was modeling, being a respectable model, and she later learned that the photographer was hit on by Stephen. Now the truth is Stephen put hands on it, but she's telling it like no, no, no, he made a pass at him, he made a pass at Ace. So you know, it made me very uncomfortable. Then I thought he was dead. So what I did is I needed to keep on modeling. So I decided I was going to go by Denver drop the baby off, because when it comes to being a mother or a model, I'm better at modeling. So I'm going to be the baby's model, not his mother. So I'm minding my business and all of a sudden I see that Stephen Carrington is alive. He flies on out to New York to see me and he takes me to a gay restaurant and he starts looking at this guy and then he leaves me. He sends me in a taxi so he can do his own thing. This is the story she's telling.
Speaker 1:This is when Andrew is questioning her. It's pathetic. And they're like what the Stephen can't take it Halfway through her testimony. He's a lying tramp, oh my gosh. She says that she's not there to to dis Stephen in any way. But he broke their agreement at the gay restaurant. At the gay restaurant he said he was gonna raise the baby. He didn't mention nothing about having a lover. Now let's say for a second this was true, wouldn't the gay restaurant? I've never. Wouldn't a gay restaurant? I've never heard of a gay restaurant in my life. I don't even know what that is. That tells you she didn't even do her research, you didn't even do your due diligence to have a plausible lie she talking about. She's like yeah, yeah, yeah, we was at this gay restaurant. So if that's true, why would you be surprised if he had a gay lover? If that's true, you know what I'm saying. None of this is adding up.
Speaker 1:Now steven's lawyer, who happens to be gay and very, very patient a saint, if you will cross examines her. And this is the first time, this episode in the last, where this man finally gets his due, because you know he's he's of the story, he's of the elk of. Let's just follow the rules, let's treat people with respect and they will respect us. Stephen is way past that at this point. He's like I ain't got time for all that. I really really don't.
Speaker 1:So Chris goes up to cross-examine Samantha and he does not call her Mrs Carrington, he calls her Miss Garrett, because that's who she is. He's like okay, cool, why did you and Mr Carrington divorce? And she goes well, I just, you know, I couldn't be with the man who didn't love me. And she starts to fake cry. Only, chris ain't got time for that. He's been waiting patiently to drag her for filth since the moment she walked in there and he's like dang, you mean you, you squeezing your eyes, but I definitely don't see any tears. Are you trying to be the victim here? Are you trying to tell me you're the wounded party?
Speaker 1:Tell me, when Stephen was sneaking out and, you know, hitting on all these men, did you ever listen to a conversation? Did you ever pick up the phone? Were you ever suspicious? Because, to his point, it looks awfully strange that the minute you discovered Stephen was not going to inherit all this money or that he didn't want anything to do with that, that he wanted to work by the sweat of his own brow, all of a sudden you hop on a plane, moved to California. Suddenly you turn up with this baby. Then you turn up in new york and when he won't cut you a check, suddenly you know what I mean. He is painting the real picture and she can't take it. Mind you, she was big, bad and bold when andrew was questioning her, but now that chris is pointing out the obvious, like you, ain't got no tears. You know like the story is just ludicrous gang restaurant. That's the weirdest thing ever.
Speaker 1:So finally, it is time for steven to take the stand. It was beautiful to watch because alexis can't stand this woman. She's rolling her eyes as samantha is talking about her. You know her new role as a model. She's not a model, my ass girl. Go-go dancer at best. At best go-go dancer. No shade to go-go dancers, but it's totally different from modeling. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Steven finally gets to take the stand and he gets to tell his version. He's like so I was married to samantha one day. She ups and she leaves. Now his mama definitely cut her a check, but she ups and leaves, so he starts. He's like I went all over the country, I went all up and down the west coast to find her. I finally found her in LA. She's half naked, laying on the ground taking pictures with this man. I lost my mind because my wife is lying half naked on the ground but the judge is just being like. It's like he don't want to hear that. He wanted to hear all about this imaginary gay restaurant, but he didn't want to hear it. He didn't even take into consideration that Sammy says she left. She didn't want to be a mother. He didn't want to hear all that. But when Stephen's like, no, no, I went because I wanted my wife as soon as I found out. The only reason I came back to Denver is because I found out I had a son. So I want to be here for my son. That's my baby. I love him so much. That's my son, that's my pride and joy.
Speaker 1:Blake's heart starts to fall out, I suppose, as he listens to this and then lawyer Andrew jumps in. Stephen's testimony was as good, if not better, than Fallon's. He talks about the baby being the focal point of his life. He talks about how he's encouraged to be a better man, how his whole existence will be loving and rearing that beautiful child, as the present parent, which looks really good, mind you. Beautiful child as the present parent, which looks really good, mind you. Samantha didn't want to be there. He wants this baby. He's actually done nothing wrong.
Speaker 1:Lawyer Andrew comes up now. Blake told him to don't go for the jug of it, but he's like I'm a wolf, I gotta do what I gotta do and he makes the case for Stephen's gayness. He's like you know, is this appropriate, stephen? Is your lawyer, your lover now? It would be very easy for Stephen to just be. He's like you know, is this appropriate, stephen? Is your lawyer, your lover Now. It would be very easy for Stephen to just be like no, that's not the case. We've already talked about this, andrew, but he won't do it To his point.
Speaker 1:He's like my personal life is not on trial here. I'm not going to tell you one way or another. You can make all the assumptions you want. I really don't give a damn. That is my business. Matter of fact, it is any grown, healthy, uh, hard-working person's business to do what they want. They should never be on trial. That is not up for discussion. I'm not going to talk about it. Period, point blank, goes up, goes off. He jumps up and he starts yelling towards the end because he's pissed, he's sick and tired of this conversation. He's like y'all haven't been in court two, three, five times over this, not true. He's been in court once, twice, because his dad killed his ex lover.
Speaker 1:At this point, so it's like, why is this even bringing up two questions? So is this illegal? Are you trying to say I'm illegal? What do you what? What point are you trying to prove I'm illegal? What do you what? What point are you trying to prove? I'm the baby's father. I'm a good father. It doesn't really matter about anything else. I refuse to feed into your prejudice. Ain't nobody trying to hear that? Though he's enraged, it's not looking all good for Stevie. Steve and lawyer Chris is like dang dude. Why can't you just play the part? Doesn't work out that way. Never mind, though, because Claudia the stallion has a plan, part of her plan. I don't know if it's just revenge or whatever, but it is absolutely the best part of this episode. So after the day you know they have to call court.
Speaker 1:Alexis looks super proud that Stephen stood up to everybody in court. The judge sucked. The judge was not trying to hear him from the giddy up. There was like almost no point in him and his lawyer showing up, but at the end of the day, there's one person, in one person in particular, that Claudia DeSalle has a bone to pick with, and that is Miss Samantha Jo. I didn't see this coming, I didn't see it going down the way it did, but I'm so happy because when you put them side by side, they're they're really well matched. They're about the same height, about the same weight.
Speaker 1:Heather Locklear has aged wonderfully. I don't know, she looks 10 years old on this. She looks very, very young. It's not that she looks old now, she just looks super young here. She's still got a baby face. I'm going to assume she's probably about 19 20 on this show. I would assume she's definitely like an adult, but barely as where Claudia might be, I don't know. She looks like she's about 30 to me.
Speaker 1:Anyway, claudia, fresh out the kookaloo, knocks on Samantha Jo's either her I guess it would be her hotel room at La Mirage. How she got that, I'm sure I don't know, but she did. She's like hey, I just want to talk to you. No, no, claudia talks in that very calm, cool voice at all times. I just want to speak to you, don't you think it's in your best interest to allow the man who loves your child to raise your child? There's no reason to be ugly. There's no reason to be rude. There's no reason to be rude now.
Speaker 1:Samantha joe from ohio the hoe from ohio had time today. She said look, look, crazy, I'm trying to go to bed. You're messing up my night routine. Is there something else you want to talk about? Because that trial is happening, whether you like it or not. Well, I don't know who said what the wrong way, but something okay.
Speaker 1:After careful review of the tape, it it appears that Sammy Jo's prodding at Stephen provoked a first slap. Let's rewind just a bit. Claudia wanted Sammy Jo to go back to court the next day and retract the statement she made about Stephen, especially the parts implying that he wasn't man enough for nobody. Basically that Now Samantha has a valid point. She's like oh, okay, yeah, cause you think, as you were his first woman, that you, you know you have some sort of claim to him. But, baby, you weren't even good enough to claim him then. I was and I don't want him. So you're welcome to him, but he sure got a lot of nerve sending you to do his dirt work. He is such a coward, he's a gutless wonder, something to that effect. Well, that activated the crazy woman.
Speaker 1:Whirlpool of a slap. She locks in, you know. Her eyes click into place. Claudia reaches her left hand across her body to where she's damn near touching her right elbow. She tilts her body at probably like a 45 degree angle and then she swings with all of her 97 pound momentum, with her hand out, in a sweeping motion across Sammy Jo's face, joe's face, oh baby. Now Samantha Joe has a slick mouth, much like Alexa. She's not going to stop talking just because she got hit in the mouth. That's par for the course. Plus, she's from the slums and trailer parks of Ohio. She done been in a fight or two. This ain't nothing. She has a different approach. So what she does after fight or two, this ain't nothing. She has a different approach. So what she does after? You know, of course she has to recover the slap, the momentum from the slap from. Claudia had Sammy Jo, uh, basically spun damn near in, probably like 120 degrees.
Speaker 1:She does the quintessential dramatic slow turn back, as they do on all dramatic episodes or dramatic series and soap operas. So she slowly turns back. You know she's got those big, giant blue eyes. She stares at claudia and I was expecting her to rev back with her right hand without turning her body and just kind of do like a hinge, if you will, a hinging, slapping, sweeping motion across Claudia's face. But she does something different. It was so clever. She stares at her with those giant eyes and she kind of leans into where you think she's going to get closer to Claudia's face and say something. Kind of leans in to where you think she's going to get closer to Claudia's face and say something, but then she comes under in a scooping motion, much like you would if you were like, you know, scooping a shovel of ice or something Like a scoop of ice.
Speaker 1:She comes from a low downward motion and kind of slaps Claudia upside her face, like she slaps her chin and cheek you know what I'm saying Like from below, from below, pop. Oh, it's a little sucker move. That's a sucker move from ohio. I know a sucker punch. When I see one. Now claudia reaches up to to soothe her face with her hands, she's like I can't believe this bitch. She turns her crazy up another notch and this time she does the same sweeping motion. However, she does not take it back as far. She doesn't come back from Mississippi and swing across the Great Plains and slap the taste out of her mouth in Denver she takes it back from. If you're looking at a map of the US and let's say you're standing in Texas, she goes from, like Oklahoma to Colorado. It's still a good old fashioned sweeping motion, but it's not a backhand, it's a front hand. Good old fashioned, open handed slap in the mouth.
Speaker 1:This one knocks Sammy Jo off her feet a little bit, but that's it, that's all. She didn't want no more smoke, or maybe she's ready for bed, or maybe Samantha Jo or, excuse me, samantha Josephine will call the police on this crazy woman and have her arrested. She would be well within her rights. But it was a wonderful standoff because, quiet as cat, neither one of them are afraid of each other. They both want the smoke. You can tell Sammy Jo's like okay, this, okay, I see you, cuckaloo. I see you Cuckaloo. I see you Nutcase. All right, all right, I'm gonna have to come correct from you. Okay, I see you. After this little slap fest, which was a wonderful display of their physical strength, I can't wait till they get into another cat fight.
Speaker 1:Claudia goes back to the apartment. It's the dead of night, it's gotta be like after midnight at this point. Stephen is fully in his pajamas and, uh, claudia says you know what, I have a plan. And then it fades to black. But I caught it when I I jumped out of this and got back in later on in the day. They get married. They get married. That's Claudia's grand way of saving this whole situation. Her plan is to be like let me prove that you were a quote-unquote man, marry me and they get married. That's Claudia's grand way of saving this whole situation. Her plan is to be like let me prove that you are a quote unquote man, marry me and we can put all this behind us. I cannot wait to see what happens.
Speaker 1:These people make up to break up, to finalize, to initiate. Baby, how many marriages and divorces do we have a season? It is insane. Making up to break up, it's inevitable now. You know. It's inevitable now with Jeff and Kirby, which, I gotta admit, I always thought that happened a little bit quick, but that is par for the course on these shows. He married Fallon very quickly, kirby very quickly. He hooked up with Claudia very quickly. Stephen married Sammy Jo very quickly, divorced her very quickly.
Speaker 1:It's just one of those things on these shows it's I don't know if they just need. They need to get someone to a certain status pretty quickly so that you have, like, the power to do all these fun things. It kind of reminds me of a romance novel where the guy's always wealthy and has all these amenities so that the girl like, like you know, she didn't have to work and stuff. It's almost like that, like that's the trope. Maybe that's the blueprint for these romance novels on BookTok or whatever. Let's scrunch all this together so that power plays can happen. But I am beside myself with anger about Jeff and his absolute lack of swagger.
Speaker 1:Steven and Adam brought to my attention something that I hadn't been really thinking about very heavily when Steven, when we first met him on season one old face Steven, before the explosion he had this kind of lo-fi swag. It's just kind of understated. He was cool and calm, he was confident, he was bold without being cocky. It was a different level of it when I look at like an Adam. He's got that swag but he's got a little heat to him. He's not as quite as lo-fi. He's got that bad boy, but I'm calm about it. I'm always in control, that's the thing. It's very hot. I'm always in control, that's the thing. It's very hot, both he and Steven.
Speaker 1:New Steven who's growing on me. I like his face more and more. It has settled well Money well spent. The doctor is a genius and his swagger he doesn't really have swag. Original Steven, upon first meeting him, had a lot of swagger but then he just kind of morphed into this whiny baby.
Speaker 1:New steven has the confidence. It's like he's rebuilding a swag in this episode. It was very easy for him to say you know what mine's a business that makes. No, never mind who I sleep with, am I raising this child right? That confidence, that bark was awesome. But then at the very end, like you felt like he was Alexis's son. And then at the very end he started flipping out and he looked just like Blake did last episode. It was like, oh my gosh. That's kind of exciting for me because he's flipped out.
Speaker 1:We've never really seen Fallon do it. Fallon is a dud. She has fallen to the background. You're not going to convince me Now I got to go back to this. You're not going to convince me that Jeff has been pining for her this entire time. Are you serious? Maybe he has. Maybe that's why he hadn't moved out. That's actually quite pathetic. Pisses me off.
Speaker 1:How come nobody's moved into that studio, baby Blake, and why are those babies sharing a room? And I'll tell you what when baby Steven moved out of the nursery the swag came back. I'm not saying I would never say a child has swag or doesn't have swag, not a baby, at least yes, I would. I would say a baby has swag. I would never say we're swagless, but that damn nursery has had 87 makeovers and I'm like when baby Steven moved in and they went to the cheap Formica slash, whatever wood cribs, it sucked. I wanted to see baby Blake's brass floating bassinet back. It has been redecorated once again. It is looking better, but it still sucks. God, god, where was I going with that? Somebody needs to move into the studio.
Speaker 1:Alexis left baby blake the studio after she married, you know after, uh, cecil died on the hospital 10 minutes after their wedding. So nobody's occupying that space. Wouldn't it make sense for jeff to move into at least that space? I don't see why you need to be on the ground. There's absolutely nothing holding you there. You and you can have Fallon's never home. The baby can live with you wherever he wants, but now you won't do that because he has no confidence.
Speaker 1:Jeff is the good boy, but he has turned into the doormat and it pisses me off. And the fact that he hooked up with the most stale, boring, one-dimensional character on this show right now is infuriating. Meanwhile, kirby is fighting for her life with a 30-inch bundle, like I said, her real hair. It is gorgeous All the way down to her knees almost. She's fighting for her life and her sanity and the sanity of her demon-themed child while he's up gallivanting talking about oh, fallon used to be so immature, he used to climb trees.
Speaker 1:Maybe I should order two bottles of wine. I was like he has no freaking swag. Fallon, I blame you, I blame you. There's no way. This should have gone as far as it did. I have gotten completely off topic. I like Steven's lo-fi swag. I'm glad that it's coming back up.
Speaker 1:I love Adam's bad boy swag because I can't wait to see what he does next. It seems like he's brewing up something with Alexis, something about some paperwork. It wasn't true, I was not really paying attention. I'm sure it'll come up, but he has got the diabolical type of confidence you need to crush whatever's in your path. That's the thing. You don't know if he's good, if he's coming or going, if he's good or bad, because he's smooth with it and I like it, unlike jeff. Oh my gosh, I can't take it. I'm getting worked up and pissed off about it the more I think about it before I go.
Speaker 1:I just gotta say a crystal being uncomfortable with her trashy niece was hilarious. She was like god dang it just. Oh, god, you know you just fingers crossed, please don't be me, please don't be, please on me. And it's her trashy niece just lying with her teeth was hilarious. But the best part was watching the similarities between Sammy Jo and Alexis.
Speaker 1:I had been waiting for Sammy Jo to come back because I knew she was going to be messy and she has not disappointed, even in these two or three scenes. She was in, but her entrance was just like Alexis. She came in. I need you to see me See my hat. Stan corrected she was not wearing a red jacket, she's wearing like a red dress with shoulder pads. Pads are making an appearance. Crystal had a scene where she comes down the steps and she's wearing like this green silk blouse with these big square shoulders. I'm like, oh god, I guess we've entered that era and those, the hair is getting a little crunchier. Claudia's wig is a little bit stiff. It is what it is. But they are so much alike, which is probably why Alexis could clock right away.
Speaker 1:The Sammy Jo was no good. It had nothing to do with her being Crystal's niece. Now she recognizes an opportunist because she is one, and it's like Alexis's disdain for Sammy Jo is palpable. Yet they're so similar. It's like watching two peacocks spar. They're both stunning and terrifying at the same time. You should be scared of women like that because there is nothing they won't say or do.
Speaker 1:But you know, alexis likes to treat Sammy as if she's, or because she technically she is. I know technically she definitely is. I can't wait till we, or till we dive into Alexis's past a little bit more. If I remember correctly, it's like she wasn't from nobility, but she was noble adjacent. Again, I live in the USA. I would love to have a full understanding of British nobility. I still don't really understand it, but I mean it's not that complicated. She was near someone who was wealth or someone who had a title or something, but she wasn't quite there. Seems like she made her money after marrying Blake. That's what, it appears, doesn't really matter anymore, because now she is Mrs Colby she's inherited all that money. That's all she needs. But I love it. I love it. She and Sammy Jo are birds of ruffled feathers and I love how they ruffle other people's feathers. It is giving me something to look forward to. I think that's enough.
Speaker 1:This episode, y'all I have fully enjoyed it. Did not see Claudia the stallion coming in with the windmill back hand. And then the Oklahoma what should we call it? Oh my gosh, we got to start naming slaps. Got the Cuckoo World Pool and the Oklahoma Twister. There we go. And the Ohio Lowbrow Lowpaw. I don't know, lowpaw, I'll work on it, don't worry about it. I think the underlying message of this episode was you got to be true to yourself. Even when the world is a stage and your family's drama is the main act. Do not let anyone or anything shake you from your solid truth. That's it. That's all for this episode. Join me next time as we jump into another iconic vintage primetime soap opera. Lather up in some debauchery In the meantime. In between time, keep an eye on your ex. There's no telling when they're going to show up in court. Say hi greatest, say moisturized. Never forget the power of perception and the often boring lines between the truth and fiction. Keep your friends close, your enemies closest and keep all of your drama on TV. Bye.