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Soaplore
Ever wondered what you missed out on before the golden age of streaming? Welcome to Soaplore, the podcast where we dive headfirst into the wonderfully over-the-top world of vintage soap operas from the 80s and 90s. I’m Jett, a TV-loving Millennial who’s finally escaping the monotony of modern shows and embracing the drama, the shoulder pads, and the catfights of yesteryear.
Join me as I experience the soapy sagas of "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Falcon Crest," and "Knots Landing" for the first time, episode by episode. With over 200 shows, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably question our life choices—just like the characters do, but with slightly less fabulous wardrobes.
Whether you’re a Xillenial who grew up with these iconic series, a Millennial like me who missed out the first time around, or a new fan discovering the glorious chaos of primetime soaps, "Soaplore" is your time machine to the melodramatic past. Tune in, relive the magic, and let’s marvel together at how people ever survived without binge-watching.
Pour yourself a glass of something strong, because, trust me, you’ll need it. This isn’t just nostalgia; this is Soaplore—where every episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, and nothing is ever as it seems.
Soaplore
S2 Ep3 Knots Landing- Remember the Good Times: The" One Sip, Two Sips, Deep-Dish, New Dish" Episode
Welcome back Soap Fiends!
Ever wondered why the interactions between neighbors in Knots Landing are so sparse? Tune in to our latest episode of Soap Lore where we unravel the mysteries behind the elusive social dynamics of the Knots Landing cul-de-sac. We kick things off with a deep dive into the hilarious storylines of season two, episode three, "Remembering the Good Times." From Earl and Judy's amusing boozy and about to bust marriage to the fascinating trust dynamics intertwined between a drunk, his sponsor, and the women who love them both...sort of....for now, we'll just say that, for now.
Next, is Abby going to be a colossal flirt and pain in the butt or will Karen get her together like a last minute PTA fundraiser? We dissect these questions and more while celebrating Valene's journey towards independence and Gary's struggle with alcoholism. You'll laugh at Abby's carefree, post-divorce antics and empathize with Valene's frustration over her shattered china. Let's not forget the hilarious contrast of personalities of a 90 day post drunk and one who just wants to party.
Finally, brace yourself for the tumultuous relationship sagas that add spice to Knots Landing. Ginger and Kenny's emotional rollercoaster, complete with deep dish pizza manipulation, will have you hooked. Meanwhile, Gary's commitment to sobriety is tested by Earl's chaotic presence at a dinner party — a scene that masterfully blends humor and tension. Join us for a nostalgic trip down memory lane, filled with personal growth, resilience, and, of course, all the delicious drama that makes Knots Landing so irresistible. Stay tuned and remember to keep your cherished dishware safe!
Unforgivable, unforgivable and I know you know what the words are it's too easy. It's too easy. What three words do you say to a woman to make sure you get to her heart? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Soap Lore. I'm your host, jet, viewing and reviewing the Sophia Stetsi's primetime storylines of the 80s, 90s and early 2000s. Today we are lathering up one more time with Knots Landing. That's right. I'm knee-deep in. I see no reason to stop. I got to get to the bottom of this. And this one is so good. It is season two, episode three, remembering the Good Times, or something like that. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or, out of sight, tell babe, no questions, objections or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in air shock should be cool, quiet, unless they want to be kicked out on their pizza because we have got to get through these stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord. Hello, gorgeous, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Soap Floor. I hope your day is shaping up well. I know mine is. I couldn't wait to get back to non-slamming. You're thinking to yourself, jack, three in a row, that's right, three in a row. I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but I simply can't wait 24 episodes of something else before I finish this season, because this is picking up steam and this isn't even a good season, apparently, as people are putting down, we got a lot of ground to cover today.
Speaker 1:This episode is called Remember the Good Times. Funny little lessons about that. That space between the good old days, the unknown future and all the hope you have and all the doubt you have. It's all kind of meshed together. We get to see three couples. This one is good.
Speaker 1:Have you guys ever seen that movie, the Purge? I don't love horror movies but from time to time, depending on how gory it's going to be, I will sit through a little something the Purge if you hadn't seen it, which I doubt many of you haven't but the basic premise is that there's one night a year where you can roam the streets of the US I think it's worldwide, I don't know. I think there's more than one movie but you can roam the streets and cut up and do any crime you want, just for this one night. If you don't want to participate. You kind of lock yourself in the house. Nothing happens. But if you commit a crime on this one night of the year, it's all good, can't be tried. No one's going to look at you sideways for it. I kind of feel like that when I'm watching soaps, because there are things that I laugh really, really hard about that I mean, I probably wouldn't do that in real life. I hope I feel like I've been in similar situations and didn't cackle, but this episode had me in a chokehold.
Speaker 1:We get to meet an extraordinarily humorous writer, slash drunk Earl, and his fed up, ready to throw down wife, miss Judy. In addition to Earl and Judy, we have to discuss boot booze, that is, liquor kept within your boot. Yes, that's a real thing. The reluctant cheerleader role, Lack of home training, embracing your inner a-hole, the joys of fine china and a mukbang love bomb that I never saw coming. So go ahead and settle in, pour yourself off something bubbly and bright, or just kick your feet up, baby. We need to relax and let's get into season two.
Speaker 1:Nod's Landing, episode three Remember the Good Times? Before we jump into this episode, we have some fan mail, slash comments. I like to call it chatter, chatter, chit, chit. A bunch of soap fiends Really good comments I want to touch base on. This one is based season two, episode one, hitchhiker and I'm not going to say your full name unless you tell me to, but let's just call this one Jupiter. Hey, jupiter Comment reads this episode like the lie from season one is really interesting as a time capsule. I mean. So much of this just seems like common sense for a teenage girl not to get in a car with an older man and for an older man not to let himself be alone in a car with an underage teenage girl and for an older man not to let himself be alone in a car with an underage teenage girl. But then you realize how much more trusting people were back then and it's kind of devastating that we've lost that. Anyway, I appreciated the commentary and the sage advice to let her walk. As for them sneaking in another house, they actually skipped over a house, the house between the Avery's and the Ward's in season one, and it's always super weird. Was that family just antisocial? Oh my God. So it was nice that somebody moved in there this season. As for the ties between Knott's Landing and Dallas, it always seemed in the early years like they couldn't decide how connected they wanted the shows to be and they kept changing their minds. And then things happen later on. That you will understand when you get there, but I don't want to spoil it for you. Thank you for the comment. You know what that is some really good advice.
Speaker 1:I read this first, obviously, and I made sure to actually watch the opening credits and two things quickly came to mind. First off, you made a really really good point. I didn't notice that there were other houses and that they totally skipped over them, and that is weird that you would have this cul-de-sac that says you know, tight knit and it's so close together. I imagine kids are always playing outside. But yeah, was that family just anti-social or is it like some tycoon's house that he rents out? This is long before Airbnb, and it's really weird that we don't actually see any other neighbors, considering how social these four couples are with each other. Very interesting.
Speaker 1:When I watched it this time I'm like, oh my God, there's eight houses. I've never seen an eight house cul-de-sac in my life, or maybe I just don't pay attention. I think you would call that something else, like it'd be a court or a smaller version of a street. I know in different cities and municipalities they call it different things but did not realize there were eight whole houses. So I guess this leaves room for this to be a whole lot more interesting. And then y'all, I'm actually quite embarrassed because, although I am newish to this, I am new to this genre. Although I am newish to this, I am new to this genre, new to this. You know this particular soap opera.
Speaker 1:Names have been popping up here and there. Donna Mills is a name I've definitely heard before, especially since endeavoring into this Didn't put two and two together. I watched the Divas Christmas. I watched her for two, three whole episodes, episodes, and then I made myself go back to make sure I watched the credits for this particular episode. Didn't clock that that was her at all. Oh my god, she's not ginger's twin. That's like the lady. I'm assuming she's going to be on the show for a long time because people were making a huge deal about her. But I've seen her like, if you go to look up, knots landing. I don't know how you guys are watching this, if you're streaming it or if you're buying the dvds, if you have it on tape somewhere, when you go back to like buy them. She's definitely on the box covers, but she's so young this season I didn't even realize that that was her. I literally watched this what the same episodes twice and the credits twice before I realized who the hell that was. And even then I don't think I've ever seen her in anything else. But I definitely feel like that name rang out first and then I put two and two together and figured out who she was. I'm kind of embarrassed. She looks great in the Divas Christmas or the Ladies of the 80s Christmas, but I just did not realize that was her. She looks like a teenager here to me. But yeah, jupiter, I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1:You would think you wouldn't want to jump in a car with people, especially at night. And that innocence is something that I had kind of assumed this era or this time in the world would have been kind of. The world would have been saturated with that sort of innocence. Okay, yeah, I'll give her a lift. But he was hesitant. There was something about Pam. She was giving off that creepy. I'm too. I'm out here. I'm way too comfortable in the streets to be afraid of you, which scares me. She was giving off the purge vibes.
Speaker 1:I definitely thought she was going to rob them, or I thought she was going to. They were going to end up letting her live with them and then she'd steal. Something like that I thought wayward. Teen makes right with it being early eighties, did not see a rape case coming, all right. It is quite sad that we've lost a lot of that innocence. I even thought, like what would I do in that situation? I know people are just more comfortable with women, but I'm like would I feel comfortable? I probably feel comfortable picking up a kid, but I definitely have the camera on. I'd definitely be on the phone with someone Like I just couldn't do that and I would definitely advise my husband against it. That's just sadly. It's the world we live in. You don't want any issues and you don't. You never know. She could have been a psycho. I could have been a psycho, who knows. I have another comment from Jupiter which kind of taps into what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 1:I love your analysis about Valene and Gary. I think you're spot on. The reason I love this show so much is how rich the subtext is. They don't come out and say it, but you can definitely feel that 17 years have passed since Valene and Gary's first marriage and that they're not jumping back into things seamlessly as they tell everyone, as as seamlessly as they tell everyone they are Like.
Speaker 1:In season one finale she effortlessly goes back to cleaning up his messes. But as she's becoming more and more independent before our eyes, we start to wonder if she's going to be willing to keep doing that. Or is it going to start to get old for her? I could not agree more, and it's like the stronger she gets, the more I'm looking at Gary and it's like he's he's kind of brooding, he's doing his thing but he seems to to snap at her and we'll get into that. On this episode there were so many moments where I just wanted to slap Gary, just like she's kind of his pseudo mom now, and anytime she brings something up he seems extremely annoyed with her because she's kind of pushing him to step into some sort of responsibility and he gets all flustered, mustered. But you know, sid can say anything to him. We're going to get into that y'all, because I go back and forth with Gary. This episode, this comment, is from Arizona.
Speaker 1:Alexis's wigs seem to have a life of their own. I do agree that the rat wig look is not a good one. She does look like a low budget. Elizabeth Taylor, arizona. I don't know if I said low budget, but I'm not going to disagree with you, baby, I just.
Speaker 1:I think part of the fun of me watching her is that she's not afraid to change it up, and I think when you are bold enough to walk into a room with short hair one day and then come back with this beautiful fall and it's all fluffy, that says something about you. I love that boldness. But I don't know what's going on and what season. That's this season, wasn't it? Or was it the end of last season? I think it's the beginning of this season, season four. She, I'm not feeling it. It's like it hadn't quite grown in and it makes me think. I don't know if she had another role or something at the time, but it ain't quite sitting right, and you can tell she's not a hundred percent comfortable with it either, because her fingers are constantly in it, like she's willing her hair to grow back. Not low budget, liz, she's hey, that Colby money hadn hadn't kicked in, I don't know why she hadn't flown halfway across the world and got like a custom one. Okay, this one is a really good one. This one is from Albany.
Speaker 1:You know what I loved about that kiss between Adam and Fallon. Oh, adam seemed genuinely unbothered by the fact that they were siblings. I honestly think that if Fallon had been game he would have still gone for it. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, you're right. I do remember watching the revealing. I can't remember what the name of the episode was when it was revealed, but he didn't seem totally bothered by it. He almost felt like I agree with you, he was still kind of giving her that look like I mean, we weren't raised in the same. I'm like Adam, y'all are blood. This isn't your stepbrother. That's weird. And why are they always trying to make Fallon sleep with the relative or an almost relative? Do y'all see that? I will never. I know you're tired of me saying it. I have never shaken it off.
Speaker 1:She hooked up with Cecil. I don't care how we try to rewrite history. She totally hooked up with Cecil the first time we met her Season one, episode one and two and three, if memory serves me correctly before he paid her to just marry Jeff, which Jeff tends to forget. Don't even get me started on them. I'm so pissed off at Jeff and his denim tuxedo, thinking he's sexier than everybody with his Prince Eric hair. Now he's treating Kirby like Kirby's whole father died and he has. I can't even get into that right now. I guess I I'm, I'm upset with Jeff. Jeff better, damn well, for Dem himself. But yeah, I agree, adam was fully into it. And doesn't he even make a joke about it later on he mentions it on another scene, on another episode and I remember thinking you freak.
Speaker 1:While we're on the topic, last thing, is it just me, or wouldn't you think if you, let's say I don't know your name, let's say you're okay, new albany, let's say that's your government name and this is for all you soap queens and you wake up one day and realize that you were a baby who was left in the rain and you've been living with this old grandma lady who turned out to be your kidnapper, find out that you have this billionaire oil tycoon family in Denver, colorado. Would you change your name? Would you continue to go by Albany or would you be like, oh, your name was Stuart? I can't imagine why Adam is answering to Adam. I feel like I would forget that was my name If I've been Michael for 25 years. He adjusted beautifully to his new name, his new money and all the new lives he gets to ruin. Now let's go ahead and get into this one.
Speaker 1:This episode is hilarious to me for all the wrong reasons. I shouldn't laugh, but I did, and since I took the time this episode to actually watch the opening credits, I happened to notice that it said guest starring Paul Rudd. Of course it's not the Paul Rudd we know from Clueless. He would have been 11. I looked it up. He looks amazing. I've heard jokes about how young he looks, but I didn't really know how old he was. He looks amazing. Yeah, he would have been about 10 or 11 when this aired, but if it's, uh, mr Earl, this dude is, this dude is amazing. I'm gonna look up more of his. Um, his credits, all right, remembering the good times, this episode opens up with new girl abby, aka donna mills, aka. I'm so sorry, I didn't recognize your face. She looks so young. Maybe she is young, they haven't.
Speaker 1:They did go into details on one episode, saying that at least 10 years older than most of the cast. Granted, this is from the late 70s, early 80s, when grown men who were 30 looked 50. I don't know what that's about again, maybe it's just me with the button-up shirt. He's got the salt and pepper hair. He's kind of got that really chill thing. He just gives off. I've been here a long time so I don't really need to worry about a lot. You know what I mean. He seems very steadfast and sturdy, so he appears older than he probably is, but he is at least 15 years older than Abby.
Speaker 1:Abby is moving into one of the vacant homes on the street. Potentially there are three other vacant ones, or other people have other things to do. I don't know what it is, but she is moving in, and I use that word very loosely. She has a home that other people are moving items into. I can't wait to see how Karen really feels about her. She seems so like her, but I think she's on like. She knows Abby beyond that bull. She's going to be a huge pain in the butt. I can tell A ginormous one. She's fresh off this divorce. She's in a brand new city. Now. She's young. I keep saying that because despite her being married and getting a divorce and despite her having two kids, she doesn't seem like that's been her life, doesn't seem like she's been hands-on with said kids. She's worried about going on date.
Speaker 1:She's laying in the pool at the beginning of the episode getting a tan, while Karen comes over with a fresh basket of laundry and she's like hey, hey, abby, you want to jump out and help me sort these out. Now I have two thoughts. You sort laundry, first and foremost, before you wash it, and then number two, after Abby made this statement, she's like well, I mean, the pink stuff is my daughter's, the blue stuff is my son's and everything else is mine. My next thought was well, duh, obviously, why would I get up and help you fold clothes? If you've already washed them? There's no need to sort them. Abby don't care if those clothes are folded or not. She's got other tings on her mind.
Speaker 1:Valene saunters over. This is all abby's pool and she is elated. She's holding a box y'all. She just got her first set of fine china. And you know what way to go, valene, I said it last time I've enjoyed watching her grow.
Speaker 1:I'm enjoying seeing the person she becomes, and it may be insignificant to someone who's been an adult for a long time, but this is her first time buying her own dishes. She doesn't have to use the hand-me-downs with Jock's dried-up drool and JR's BS all over it. She gets to eat off a fresh plate with no Ewing BS, and they are gorgeous. She took her time. Gary's hard work is paying off. Oh baby, she can't wait to crack these plates open. She can't wait to throw a shindig and have people eat off her fine cutlery. I was so excited for her because I too am a fan of beautiful dishes. I get it. It's. Oh my God, let me bust these out Now. Granted, if I had people coming over, we're probably off paper plates, depending on what the meal is and what sort of gathering. It is no need to eat chips off of fine china at the Super Bowl. There's just no point in that. But either way, valene is so stoked that she's not eating off of Ellie's old dishes, so she offers them to Abby and Abby's like well, that's cool, yeah, yeah, yeah, I might need them. And then, much, much like Karen, valene makes a mistake and she's like well, is there anything I can help you with? Abby's like, girl, as a matter of fact, you can. I need you to babysit. I got a date. Nah, nah, nah, I can't babysit. She's already trying to figure out how to get out of the house.
Speaker 1:As the show goes on. She does indeed get to her date. Her nephew comes over to babysit. But before all that, the movers show up and they're moving couches, they're moving all the furniture. Whoever's home and available is moving crap inside of her house.
Speaker 1:Abby is remarkably, remarkably ill-equipped to move or manage her own household. There's a scene where Valene is scrubbing this glass table and she says Abby, you got any more rags? This one is filthy. And this girl, abby, says to Valene now where would they be? Valene, don't live with you. Where did you pack them? She has no clue. She don't know where her stuff is. She don't really care where those kids are. Got myself a date. That's all she's worried about is getting to this date.
Speaker 1:So her house is in shambles. It's the first night the kids are going to be staying there. Eric, her nephew, comes over to uh to babysit. Karen sent him over like, oh, it'll be fine. Now Karen is thinking, okay, it's 630. She's going to go on this little date. She'll be back by 10, 11th latest. We're right next door, no big deal. He has school tomorrow, but you know, 7, 30, 8, 30, 9, 30, 10, 30 come and go.
Speaker 1:Midnight comes and goes and two o'clock in the morning happens, and by this point karen is like where the hell is eric. She walks over, she says hey, what are you still doing? Where's your, where's your auntie? Oh, she's not here. She's not back yet. So karen takes over because she needs to send him home to go to school. When Abby finally pours herself into the front door at 4 am, karen is stern, but not like she's not going off on her. You know you can tell she's giving her a pass.
Speaker 1:Your family. Abby's clearly sort of free-spirited and she's like dude, you should have been here. This is your kids first night in this house. What if they'd woken up and they were terrified? And Abby's like what did they? And Karen had this. Well, no, no, they didn't. How are you letting this woman dupe you two times in one episode? You've already done the hard work for her.
Speaker 1:She sees no need to change anything she's doing. Being a good neighbor is great. Being a wonderful sister-in-law is even better, but I wonder how long that's going to be. Karen doesn't seem like the type to stay in something long-term. If it's not working, I think she'll have to get Abby together at some point. But Abby is unbothered. There are four women scurrying around her doing all the things she didn't really care to do. Why change? They make it really easy.
Speaker 1:When eric goes over, abby comes downstairs, she's dressed, she looks great, she's about to go on her date. Eric kind of gives her the once over and he's like aunt abby and they start playing that, that sexy music in the back and I'm like no, that is her nephew. That is mad weird. You can tell. He's kind of like oh my god, you look super hot. But he tells her she looks pretty. But he, he's battling a thought. And it makes me realize, albany, you were 100% right with that Adam comment and I kind of felt the same vibe here. A little bit weird. They shouldn't have thrown on the sexy saxophone music after it.
Speaker 1:We already had the obligatory I'm sexy and I know it scene. There was no need to amplify that. None of us forgot that Abby was supposed to be the the her, this episode, the nephew. I was just in here thinking too on Dallas. Now we know that Lucy and Ray are related. Fallon was almost Cecil's daughter. Looks like they were pointing that way. Then she kissed y'all, come on now. Did you have to sprinkle in incest in the early 80s? Is this something. I'm just not a fan. I'm just saying I think we can all agree that we can leave the incestual crushes and kisses outed. You know who else isn't kissing Ginger and Kenny.
Speaker 1:Ginger too has a date. However, her date sucked, this guy's mad creepy. She just wants to go into her house, mind her business. She and Kenny are separated but he is actively living with as far as I know, he is actively living with Sylvie, the lounge sinker. So why not go on a little datey-poo? Can't tell if there's going to be any reconciliation at this point in the show yet, but she seems to think well, let me weigh my options, because Kenny certainly is going to weigh his. So after her terrible date with this man she has no interest in ever seeing again.
Speaker 1:She gets in the house and the phone's ringing and it's kenny, and kenny is at a sexy saxophone soundtrack bar that's all red and it's hubble music in the back while he's making big I don't know what the hell. He clearly asked the bartender to borrow the phone and this this is like it's not a rotary phone, but it's one of those I have to hold it and have to beep, beep, beep, beep, beep the buttons. He's holding that and then he's like making a motion to the bartender that he's on the phone. I'm like obviously, who passed? You clearly didn't walk in with that, sir, no one's confused. Anyway, he, anyway, he's.
Speaker 1:He, he wants to go over to ginger's house and collect a microphone for a session that is going to happen in the morning. Ginger's like okay, that's fine, you can just, uh, just come over before I go and leave for school. And he goes. Well, I was thinking I could come over right now. She's. I'm kidding god, I know you not. Are you really trying to come over here? No, you can't come over here. I don't want you in my house at night. He's like are you sure I'll tuck you in? Blah, blah, blah. Clearly he just wants to see her. You know he's showing up at the other couple's houses. He is making these unnecessary phone calls. You can tell. He's like well, you can't blame a guy for trying. He does indeed show up the next morning, and this is when we see Abby's things being moved in. Now Abby does drop a box so that he'll come over.
Speaker 1:So just, really quick, that is an inevitable affair. Clearly they are going to hook up because Abby seems to be giving up. She doesn't seem to be like manipulative or anything, but she seems to be an open flirt and it could just be that she just got divorced. She needs to make sure she still got it. You know what I'm saying? We don't know how her marriage was. We don't know who her ex-husband is at this point you OGs do, I don't know who it is, but she seemed to just kind of want her groove back. He's cute, why not? And she's probably picking up on the fact that he is the neighborhood whore I'm calling it now. That'll be an easy takedown in the near future. I'm positive.
Speaker 1:So throughout the rest of this episode he makes a couple different efforts to woo Ginger. Now she seems to be very upset. This is a very strong contrast in the way that they're both looking at the situation, or separation, as they're saying. He is still happy-go-lucky. He is the same guy who showed up on her field trip with the gorilla mask, acting a fool, telling Gen X kindergartens all of their business, all of him and Ginger's business. He revealed her government name to the kids, which is so disrespectful. You know, kids in the 70s didn't know their teacher's first name, that's Miss Whoever. Well, he's kept that same energy when he showed up over at Sid and Karen's house, he was just happy, go Lucky. She's upset.
Speaker 1:When he showed up over at Sid and Karen's house, he was just happy-go-lucky. She's upset. When he shows up, she's got her arms crossed, she's not welcoming to him, but he, he's oblivious to it, completely oblivious, and she is I don't know if she, she seems to be hurt still. However, she also seems a little bit humored by his effort. So he feels like you know, I'm trying to get that old name back and as far as I know, he is still living with Sylvie. If I'm understanding the situation properly, he lives with Sylvie.
Speaker 1:So finally he calls up Ginger and he says hey, why don't we go to this? I'm just gonna make up the mama mia is a horribly cliche made-up Italian restaurant name and gender. That's like, oh no, we can't go there. Kenny, quit playing on my phone. That's where we got engaged, that's where we had our first kiss, that's where we went, all the things. And he's like, yeah, come on, I'll buy you some marinara, I'll buy you some mozzarella. Just fake accent, you know all these. And then he drops a bomb.
Speaker 1:He does something so unforgivable I almost turned off this damn show. This man turns her deepest heartfelt desires. This is a woman who married him despite him being the town whore, a woman who loves him and his potentially prosthetic chin. I don't know if it's real, it's not. Wow. He uses a weakness of hers to manipulate a situation to drag her out of this steadfast respect that she's built for herself. It only took three words Unforgivable. Unforgivable. And I know you know the words are it's too easy. It's too easy. What three words do you say to a woman to make sure you get to her heart?
Speaker 1:Deep dish pizza, deep dish pizza, ginger. And she gasped Damn you, kenny, you know I love that deep dish pizza, ginger. And she gasped damn you, kenny, you know I love that deep dish pizza. Yeah, I know you like that deep dish pizza. So now she ain't got no choice.
Speaker 1:Now, before she know it, she was going to come home and grade some finger paints or whatever. Since she has kindergarten, actually, that's a perfect gig. She's probably not grading many papers in kindergarten. But she was about to take off her bra and just call it a night, probably read a book. You know you're not leaving the house now. She's got to get up, she's got to get dressed and get on down to Mamma Mia's and have this damn date with this cereal cheater, just so she can enjoy this damn deep dish pizza. How dare you, kenny? I'll never forgive him for this.
Speaker 1:Well, over dinner, of course she ain't got a gut full of just deliciousness. She's, you know, she's what you know. You know she's full and he's just laying it on thick. He's still hot, let's not. For those of you who have forgotten, he looks like one of those Jenners. He looks like Brody and Brandon combined. He is a Jenner.
Speaker 1:And they're reminiscing and they're talking about you know this that this time and that time and the time they ran away from that farmer and they hooked up on the hay and it reminded me of the episode I called floral fixation. Gender seems to have a habit of getting it in outside. It's like. We'll talk about it another time. I don't know if your kids I hope your kids are playing outside. We'll talk about that another time.
Speaker 1:They're reminiscing on all that and it's like, girl, the deep dish is one thing. Don't don't go any deeper than that. Eat your food, get it to go box and leave. But no, before she knows it, she got a gut full of mozzarella and cheese. Deep dish, pizza, clams. He did the whole thing, baby. There was so much food on the table the breadsticks, the wine, the calamari, whatever you name it he put it on the table. He's like I'm going to feed you. Good, then you're going to invite me to your home. And sure enough she did. She invited him home, they did what they do and part of me was not surprised. I didn't think they'd get back together. And spoiler alert, spoiler alert. They didn't get together then.
Speaker 1:So they're lying in bed post-coitus and he says something like well, I guess I'll make sure all my things get moved back in tomorrow. She's like why? And he's like well, we just made love. And I was thinking to myself Kenny, you make love all the time. Oh, my gosh, gosh, I sound like an old lady laughing. You do this all the time. This is probably his 15th time post-coitus that week. This is just once for her.
Speaker 1:So he is shocked that throughout this love, this ruckus, lovemaking, that she wasn't wooed back by him. She's like kitty, ain't nothing changed? You still, you. You did this when we were together. I'm gonna need you to put on your pants and get out, but the audacity of this pretty boy to put this love, bomb mukbang in her face to try to win her back, and I'm really glad that she just kind of stood her ground, because I think the only she's right, the only thing that has changed nothing has changed. He's used to sleeping with other women and sleeping with gender, so I mean it's just more of the same. She just chooses not to be upset by it anymore. We're not devastated by it anymore. Plus, she got to keep the house, so it is with it all right.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, it is the main event Gary Ewing and Miss Valene Ewing. It would appear that this is three months, aka 90 days, after Gary's super west coast bender. He was drinking the warm booze, he was doing all the things. He finally had a moment of clarity and decided I will go to AA, I will do the proper steps, I will hold myself accountable, I will do whatever I have to do to manage this alcoholism that runs through me. Right, part of that means going to AA meetings. Now that means you go to the meetings when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're feeling like it, when you don't feel like it, when things are good, when things are bad, you show up either way, I'm assuming to create this habit and just keep yourself accountable. So this particular meeting, they're doing their thing and Gary is.
Speaker 1:This guy is giving this speech in front of everybody, or his testimony, I don't know what they call it. He's telling everyone you know, do this, do that. If you're old, make sure you encourage someone younger. If you're young, make sure you seek out help. Let's just keep doing this in the crowd. These extras are really into it. Every sentence ends with this roarous applause.
Speaker 1:Now Gary is doing something very odd. Valene is there by his side per usual, and he is doing the 1980 equivalent of doom scrolling. He is is completely distracted. For a split second I thought he was looking down at his phone and I was like not for another 30 years. He's writing something on a tablet. Apparently he is very distracted because this would have been, I guess, during the oil crisis, when people couldn't get gas. I know a little bit about it, not a lot. You don't have oil that is not being refined into gas and that means people are rationing what they have. They're not driving as many cars and they're certainly not going to go buy a brand new car. So he is basically, I guess, trying to formulate a plan on how to correct, like to course correct, and bring in more money into the dealership, which he does have a pretty good idea. But he's doing this during the AA meeting.
Speaker 1:Naval is all attentive and you can tell she's looking at him the way she has to look at him. She needs to praise him with her mouth. But there's that very subtle thing Jupiter, you know what I'm talking about that very subtle thing where she's looking at him kind of tentatively like let me be in this moment, but let me let me read him. Is this going to be the moment? It's like she's always waiting for the bottom to fall out. This thing that she carries makes it very easy for her to recognize it in other people. If you've ever been, you know, broke or dumped recently or really really stressed, if you are sort of a compassionate person or if you are an empathetic person, you kind of pick up on those things with other people. I think it also comes with time. The older you get, the more life you experience, you start to be able to recognize it in other people, such as a case on this episode with Judy.
Speaker 1:Now Judy has a very stubborn, very awful alcoholic husband who is a complete nightmare when he's drunk. Sound familiar? Of course it does. It's going to sound familiar in this particular instance because they're at an aa meeting. So we get to see judy, a brunette lady with a christian or haircut, in the back of the room. She looks annoyed. When I first saw this episode I thought she was the alcoholic because she didn't want to be there. Turns out her man, her husband, was supposed to meet her there, only he didn't show show up. So she's pissed because she's like what am I doing at this meeting? This has nothing to do with me. It's a moot point if he doesn't show up. So Gary and Valene are chatter, chatter, chitty. Gary's drinking the powdered lemonade, which looked fire. I'm not judging. Powdered lemonade is delicious.
Speaker 1:When up walks Dr Lady from the um the episode where he got put inside. Basically the doctor was an alcoholic, which is why she puts in so much work. She goes to the meeting Gary flatters himself by saying hey, doc, are you here to spy on all your old drunks? She was like I'm here doing doctor shit, don't worry about what I'm doing. Also, I'm an alcoholic. I'm here so that I don't fall off the wagon. So let's call her Dr Sober, because I can't remember her name.
Speaker 1:Dr Sober sees Judy and she goes oh, judy, I'm so glad you came over here. I was going to introduce you to Val and Gary. Where's Earl Judy? Let me out. I don't know. I don't know and I really don't care. He's not here. Judy is pissed. She could have been anywhere else If he wasn't going to show up. She could have gone ahead and gone home. She could have gotten some laundry done. You know, she could have been doing 150 other things Unbeknownst to Judy.
Speaker 1:Earl is outside, earl is fully dressed and he's at the meeting. But Earl feels a way. He's a unique guy. He feels a way about these sorts of meetings because he finds them to be, where my notes quote, phony, dumb and sanctimonious. Earl is fully embracing his a-hole era. He is fully embracing the fact that he is an alcoholic. He don't want to change and he's insulted that these people go to these ra ra, sis goomba meetings to cheer other people who want to have a drink instead of pouring a drink. He thinks it's outlandish.
Speaker 1:So Valene and Judy are coming out of the meeting and they're chatting. Gary is sort of moping. He's in a bad mood because he's worried about the car business and he is low-key, taking it out on Valene. But Judy spots Earl. She's like well, well, well, here I am. Look at me, boo-boo the fool. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, if this is your first time joining me, welcome. I'm so glad you decided to join me for this episode. I need you to know something. I never lie about a scene, but from time to time I will not quote it verbatim I will extract the essence of the scene in something I like to call sublual theater. I haven't done sublual theater in a while. I'm not going to do it today, but just know she didn't use my exact words, but it's the vibe. Back to it, judy. Okay, earl, hi, silly me. I thought you were going to meet me in the meeting. He's like no, I don't know why you thought that, judy, you made that up all by yourself. And then I swear the heavens parted in.
Speaker 1:One of the funniest, most underrated line of dialogue ever written happens just here. You got Gary looking crazy, looking like a thumb. You got Valene, the Vid Vidalia onion queen. She's the eager cheerleader. Judy is a reluctant cheerleader. And you got the super drunk who is not ashamed of anything. He sips, swallows or guzzles down Judy, even though she's pissed. She's still got some home training, she has manners. She says, earl, this is Gary, and his wife, val and Valene, is a little nervous, because you can tell she's feeling that he's pissed. And so she's like hi, and he goes. I certainly am.
Speaker 1:I fell out and I knew I was going to like him immediately. I was like, oh hell, here we go. Gary sees this. He is not pumped. So Gary is feeling like. He's feeling himself. He has been sober for 90 long days, okay, and his wife tells him as much. You know Gary's been sober. For how long, gary? He's like three months. Earl is not impressed. I was like god, I should probably call again his book of world records. Well, this pisses off Gary's tender little ego and he says to Earl gee, it looks like you could use a drink. Earl is unbothered. He's like so do you? You look like you use one too. And I'm like all right, here we go. It is, this is what I've been waiting for. I didn't know I needed this.
Speaker 1:Gary reveals himself as hyper annoyed at this point. He's like you know, that's why I don't argue with a drunk, you don't? He's very self-righteous. Now, granted, he's pissed off. I'm sure he's not happy with the way that this man is talking to his wife and to anybody else he can, into anybody else. He can tell that he's just an angry drunk. Gary don't want to be bothered. But at the same time you can tell he's kind of feeling himself a little more. He's feeling a little more superior to said kid.
Speaker 1:Judy had warned valine that her husband was a douchebag. She said, girl, it's been five cars, three jobs, two cities and one drunk husband. I don't believe this man is ever going to change. Don't have us over your house. He is not, we are not. The invite over type valine is listen, she's about to dial your onion. Queen, this is a southern woman you're coming over. Plus, she's got these fly new dishes that she needs to show off. Somebody's gonna see these dishes.
Speaker 1:Gary's feeling it too, like me, I don't know man, I don't know val, I don't want to do this. Well, val said what? No, no, no, you can be. Listen, earl, here's a card. This is gary's work number. There's our house number. You have any problems at all? You just reach out and call us.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm wondering myself why does valine have a business card with no business? How are you gonna put all of gary's information on that, like don't do it. And gary's looking like no, he didn't want anything to do with it. They're having a little pillow talk later on. And he's like listen, that dude's not ready, he's drunk, he's, he's just, he's not here for it. I don't even want to play myself, I'm not going to bother myself with that. And Val convinced that no, gary, it'll be really good.
Speaker 1:Because she was listening in the meeting while he was doom scrolling or doing I don't know what he's writing, doodling, probably just drawing. She was listening to the man speak and the man was like you know, you're always going to need someone to help you be accountable. You need something like that. And she and Dr Sober had talked about it briefly. Dr Sober was like yeah, that's the best way to stay sober is to hold yourself accountable and kind of look out for someone else. And I'm thinking the science behind that is just that when you the same thing, like you said, you can see depression or sadness or just struggle in people. If you've experienced it as an alcoholic, I'm sure it's the same thing. You're going to see his struggle, you're going to see yourself in him and it's just going to strengthen your own resolve, or at least that's what I believe the thought is behind that.
Speaker 1:So, eventually, gary's at work minding his own business when, lo and behold, good drunk Earl comes stumbling into the business. He's like blackout drunk at 1030 in the morning. Gary has no survival instincts. Friend, dear Sophie, what would you do if a drunk man came stumbling into your kind of elaborate business? This is a car dealership. As far as I can tell, it's upstairs. Downstairs they seem to have a lounge. I'm sure they have plenty of offices, offices, uh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Gary, so quick on his feet, thinks I should take him to my house. So he stumbled and fumbles with this man all the way back to the cul-de-sac and he's yelling for Val to come on downstairs. I think she's out of the house at this moment, but he goes home and he doesn't lay the kid on the couch. We've all had a drunk friend. You've been that friend. Probably Lay on the couch and sleep it off. No, no, no. I'm going to put you upstairs in the guest bedroom, maybe to lock him in. I don't know. I didn't think that was a great idea, pulling dead weight upstairs so that he can sober up, but that's what he does.
Speaker 1:Val feels like well, hell, he's already here, passed out. I might as well call his wife over to come pick him up. We can have some meatloaf on my bomb new dishes. Everybody needs to see my fine china. These are mine, these aren't Ellie's. Valene prepares this beautiful spread.
Speaker 1:Now Judy and Gary, they don't have a ton of conversation but they both feel exactly the same way about Earl. They not feeling him. They don't really care if he wakes up sober or not. Neither one of them thinks he's going to do that. Valene probably does care because she's empathetic. But Val is there for the hospitality and the hosting duties. Judy and Gary are there for the meatloaf and Earl is only there to insult people who think drunk people are better off not being drunk. It's absurd. He's on that campaign. So Earl kind of sobers up a little bit.
Speaker 1:Gary goes upstairs, offers some coffee. The dude cackles at the whole coffee thing, blah, blah, blah. He comes downstairs but what we don't know at this time, or right about this time, we find out he has a fresh bottle of booze in his boot. So he lifts his pant leg. We see the bourbon. He's excusing himself from the dinner table, goes down to well, he's upstairs, so he. This is where we see the booze. He goes down, he takes a big swing. He goes downstairs.
Speaker 1:He talks a little crap at dinner, just insulting people left and right, and it's quite humorous. I just can't remember everything he says. Then he excuses himself and he goes to the half bath right off of the stairs. Well, he goes in there. He takes a couple of pulls. He off of the stairs. Well, he goes in there. He takes a couple pulls. He comes out. He starts going off on people again and again. Now he's getting more and more emboldened. His wife is more and more unimpressed with him, so she's popping off at him like Earl, get your drunk ass back upstairs. Just go upstairs and sleep it off. We don't even want you here. Shut up, please, my god.
Speaker 1:Gary is just like pissed at Valene, like I cannot believe you invited this man here when let the record show he's the one who drug him all the way home. Well, earl is is hitting his fist on the table and Valene's fine china is just jumping all over she's. Oh, my god, you can see the regret in her eyes at that moment. Oh my god, I was so excited about these damn dishes, I forgot about drunk people and fine china, a bull, quite literally, in a china shop. This fool goes into a full rant and he smashes his hand on the table. He smashes it again and then the third smash he smashes that lean's bowl. I was done. This is devastating.
Speaker 1:Deep dish, new dish, one fish, two fish. Get the drunk ass out of my house, gary. You got to get him. Gary, come and get him. So Gary picks him up. I'm upset. I'm hollering at the oh my gosh pardon the accent, I'm hollering at the show. My family thinks I'm nuts. I don't care. But Gary, get in here and do something. Gary takes him to a restaurant, I suppose. But they had like a bar, like I don't know, like a lounge. It didn't seem like a great idea. So the guy seemed mildly embarrassed that he had thrown that fit. And then he noticed that they had happy hour from 4 to 6 pm. So he's like well, I guess this is my stop, gary.
Speaker 1:And Gary's like man, don't you enjoy, don't you want to be sober like me? And the guy and Errol's like okay, drunk to drunk. Answer me this what do you do when you're craving a drink, like a real drink, I'm talking liquor but you're not having it in the moment. How do you remedy that? How do you get the alcohol? And Gary's like I don't, I just drink a lot of coffee. Earl's like man, count me out. Sobriety sounds like a nightmare. I'm going to go over here and enjoy a happy hour. Gary goes dude, don't you want to get better? He's like no, I love drinking. Drinking is a lot of fun. As a matter of fact, all the good things in my life are accompanied by alcohol.
Speaker 1:Gary has this weird sort of aha moment where I think he drank to kind of tamper something down. Earl, who also happens to be a writer you know he makes a joke about it being like this tragic but true stereotype about writers are going to be this wild drunk. He might be drinking to pull something out of himself. That's how he remains. He thinks things are fun, but it started to take over him. Gary does talk to Valene about it and he gets upset because he's like you know what. Maybe he's right, maybe those are the good old times. You know, he's starting to feel a little bit shaky.
Speaker 1:And this is where I kept going back and forth in my mind about Gary. I can totally see in this particular instance, nothing else in this particular instance. His sobriety is so fragile. I was, number one, very shocked that Dr Sober thought it was time for him to be a sponsor. I'm thinking he's only 90 days in, not that you need a long rap sheet, but I would hardly say three months means you have a full handle on it, like he's still very much working through this. And yes, you can encourage someone to not drink, but you can also be encouraged to drink. I wondered if she thought about the temptation Dr Sober, that is the temptation he would be feeling at three months. Yes, he's always going to feel it, but I'm like, right out of the gate, this is, I don't know. He seemed to be a very fragile time. Plus, we've all seen how fragile Gary Ewing is. And then, number two, when he is frustrated, he goes off on Val. Now, he's not wrong. She didn't push. In my opinion, she encouraged him to encourage that guy, because what he's not noticing is that she's there to encourage him as well.
Speaker 1:Valene is encouraging Gary. Gary, maybe you should learn to encourage other people. Maybe you should take on a little, you know, a little more responsibility. And it's that whole. She's the eager cheerleader and you see the exact opposite merit to her in Judy this episode, which I liked, judy was upset.
Speaker 1:Judy was at the end of her rope. Her faith was not steadfast. She thought this is the end of this. I am wasting my time with this man. This man would rather yell and drink than work on saving his own life. He is content to stay this exact same person. Why should I sacrifice myself? Valid point valid question and Valene myself? Valid point valid question. And Valene. You need to ask yourself the same thing. Baby Gary might not be a raging alcoholic at this point, but how much longer do you need to walk on eggshells around him in order to maintain whatever this is? That's a very draining experience, I would think.
Speaker 1:Well, by the end of the episode, earl does indeed go into shock. He stopped drinking for like 10 minutes. He ends up in the seedy hotel. Gary is called. He shows up reluctantly and he's like holding the guy. The guy throws up down. Gary's not wearing a v-neck, but he's unbuttoned, even more so than the aviator Adonis. I saw at least 17 and a half inches of chest and upper abdomen. Earl promptly pukes down Gary's shirt and Gary suddenly feels so alive. Oh my God. He's happy that he's helping someone and it's like, yay, gary, that's wonderful, but also, but also, that's okay, that's great. Love is patient, love is kind, all those things.
Speaker 1:The guy ends up in the hospital and his wife although on her last leg she's standing there, but I fully enjoyed that contrast between Val and her. Val tells one of the other wives it could have been Laura or someone else that Gary is really stressed and that if she doesn't go to the meetings he won't go to the meetings. So the burden she's carrying is for the greater good in her eyes. Judy is open enough to say you know, I don't know if I want to do this, but also keep in mind Valene has just now gotten back with Gary. It would seem a little bit soon to throw in the towel. I'm not saying it's even that deep, but this is unsustainable. This is unsustainable. At the end of the episode it was all's well that ends well. He stepped up, the guy got treatment, or at least the guy agreed to go into treatment, and they live to see another day.
Speaker 1:All right, guys. Thank you so much for joining me today. Special shout out to Jupiter, arizona and Omni. Thank you for your comments. If you want to leave me a comment, make sure to check the show notes. You can text me whatever you want to say, whatever's on your mind, I want to hear it. All right, join me next time as we jump back into soap opera debauchery. Remember to keep your friends close, your enemies closer and, for God's sake, buy paper plates. We learned we didn't learn anything else on this episode no dish is a safe dish, not deep dish, not new dishes and certainly not dishes holding boozy booze. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, bye.