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S4 EP8 Falcon Crest - Pain and Pleasure: The" Is That A Denim Printed Vest With A Long Sleeve Polo??'" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 220

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What happens when a simple dinner turns your world upside down? Get ready for a wild ride as we celebrate my birthday weekend by diving into the golden age of primetime television with an in-depth look at Falcon Crest. From Francesca’s jaw-dropping revelation to Angela’s strategic response, this episode is packed with unforgettable moments and tangled family secrets that will leave you questioning everyone’s motives.

We’ll dissect the pivotal dinner scene where Francesca drops the bombshell that she and Angela are sisters, not cousins, and must share the Falcon Crest inheritance. Craig Reardon, our manimal friend, authenticates the letter confirming this shocking news. Watch as Angela's composed façade cracks, revealing her internal struggle over the potential division of her father's estate. This isn’t just about family; it’s about power, control, and navigating the treacherous waters of inheritance.

Finally, we discuss Angela's cunning plan to secure her dominance over Falcon Crest by plotting to buy out Francesca’s land. We’ll also dive into Cole’s lackluster personality, Melissa’s questionable motivations, and the dramatic return of Francesca. From garden party chaos to Julia's identity crisis, we wrap up with some humorous life advice and a reminder to keep the drama on the TV screen. Tune in for all this and more in this jam-packed episode of Scope Lore!

Speaker 1:

Well, if you ran your paper the way you run your little legs, you'd be a whole lot more successful. That is such an auntie thing to say, such an old lady thing to say. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Scope Lore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jeff, and you are going to be viewing one of the soapiest, thuziest primetime storylines of 1984. It is a Falcon Fiend fiasco. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or on a site. They'll pay no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in the air shop. Be cool, be quiet, or you will be kicked out because we have got to get to the bottom of our story. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap More. Hello, gorgeous Welcome, or welcome back to another fun conversation. I hope you're enjoying me today. Full disclosure I am not in my home studio, aka my bedroom, because it is my birthday weekend. Yes, enjoying life, just having a good time, kind of kicking back, catching up. So I'm doing this in several different places If the sound quality isn't perfect, hey, it never is where we're managing, right, we're going to do what we need to do.

Speaker 1:

I am beyond excited to jump into this episode of Falcon Crest because we have a few surprises. Slow burn, per usual, but the surprises are always giving because you know, this is going to be a good, good thing. Among the many topics we have to discuss today, we are going to talk about Francesca. We're introducing yet another character. This one's related to us. Is Francesca's intro good, bad or unbothered? The jury's still out. We've got to talk about Richard's bleeding heart and his Mrs Robinson fantasy. I can't wait to talk about that. Just, oh, my God, pour up something good. This one is a good one.

Speaker 1:

We got to talk about Emma and her familial espionage. I do not know why we continue to underestimate the whimsy that is Emma. She is a computer whiz, she is a spy, she's anything she needs to be. Got to keep an eye on Emma. Definitely. Discussing Cole's dud status I don't know why it took me 76 episodes to realize how utterly boring he is. Then we got to talk about bad girl, bad taste. Why is bad girl male taste in men so horrendous? We witnessed great manners and on mid-party. And, last but not least, the 80s have fully entered the chat. We got to talk about the dress code in the 80s, especially for, like, a high noon party. Someone explain it. All this and more on this fun-filled edition of Soap Floor.

Speaker 1:

This is season four, episode eight Pain and Pleasure or Pleasure and Pain. I'm not going to read the synopsis. I have managed to skip past that. I just I got the title and I skipped past that because I do feel like Falcon Crest is giving it away and I'm watching this beforehand. I still kind of want to be surprised. When you love a story, you know there's obviously more to it, there's going to be lots of nuances, but I just I feel like they're giving a lot away at the beginning and I don't always want to know.

Speaker 1:

Since I am not home today, I'm not accessing any of the fan mail, but I would love it if you guys would leave some. Leave a line wherever you're listening. Leave a review, even if it's a bad one. I have a really bad one I should read. I don't take it personal, it is what it is. Everything isn't for everybody, but I am glad you are here today. Check the show notes on whatever device you're listening on and leave me a line. And if it's your birthday weekend, happy birthday to you. August Leos rock, don't we? Let's jump into this.

Speaker 1:

Falcon Crest has their own way of doing things. I'm starting to see a bigger gap in between the way they introduce people and the way they live out a story. As we know, they shared a lot of the writers from Dallas, so the story learned are still very similar. If we wanted to, we could still compare apples to apples. They are recycling the story, but if you steal something and then tweak it a little bit, it changes the whole feel of the story, and that's what I'm seeing here.

Speaker 1:

It's also got me questioning my whole theory about a relative showing up being a bad thing. I still find that to be very true. We look at Terry. Terry's not good news Julia's showing back up. I don't know if that's good news or not. Oh, we also have to talk about Julia's bad deed going unpunished, don't let me forget.

Speaker 1:

But by and large, a new character. I don't know, it's a bit of a gamble. Even though the new person on the show is presented as a little bit of an obstacle, they're not really diving deep into it. Francesca, for an instance, even cousin Michael. We didn't really go into his background. We learned about that later on. So it leads me to believe that Falcon Crest believes that every new season you should bring out a new character. It's a new conflict or it's not. Dare I say it. I feel like I need to rethink my whole. A relative is a bad thing, specifically for Falcon Crest. Now, in this instance, I don't think I'm wrong. I think this is going to be a slow burn because they are introducing this person. Uh, season four, episode eight, and there are like 26 episodes. So there's always that thing where they come back a little bit later.

Speaker 1:

On On Dynasty, you're kind of a one and done, one hit a quitter, as we used to call it. You show up, you do your dirt, you might cause a little bit of a ruckus and then you disappear. Ie Toscani, ie Matthew with the hips I can't remember Matthew's name. Claudia, the Stallion's first husband, who I always thought was trash. I never really bought that he and Crystal had this whole romantic relationship. Crystal really pisses me off. I'm not really going to go into that.

Speaker 1:

On the Falcon Crest episode, we can talk about Falcon Crest, but there seems to be an exception to the rule. On this show you can have a relative show up and it is more of a helper when you bring in a secondary character. On a soap opera it is often to explain the plot holes, although on this season I don't really feel like there are any. We are coming off of a cliffhanger where a plane crashed. Angela wants to make Chase look bad so that she can regain her power. At Falcon Crest makes total sense. Chase is a gawk because he doesn't understand why he's being penalized for saving lives, even though there are a few lives lost. He's penalized for saving the lives saved. It's a weird whole situation and I'm wondering if falcon crest decided that they need to be a little heavy on the drama, because if you watch a dramatic series you notice that people get a lot more grace.

Speaker 1:

You can be a flawed character a lot more on a like a drama I'm thinking of Grey's Anatomy seems to be the most common denominator when I think about a soap opera, a primetime soap opera. But you can be a flawed human being because there's time for redemption, because we understand you're going to stay on the show. On Falcon Crest they introduce people and they will keep them for a season and then we don't know what's going to happen to them Y'all. Am I the only person who noticed that? Falcon Crest don't give a damn about putting you in a box. Falcon Crest will kill you. If you're on Dallas and let's say, you do some sort of shady shysty business, they might send you to another state. If you're on Dynasty, you might disappear on your own behalf. You're going to have one last hurrah ie Tuscany and then you're going to bounce. You're going to evaporate into the background, never to be heard from again. But on Falcon Crest, oh baby, everyone on Falcon Crest has a 25% chance of being blew up and blown to smithereens. So if I were Francesca, I would take a little bit more caution into entering to this family because I mean, with the last name or not, it makes Angela know never mind If you are a problem, she knows how to get rid of the problem.

Speaker 1:

The overarching theme of this episode is not everything is as it seems. All that glitters is in gold. Bad day doesn't necessarily have to end in horror. You know what I'm saying. This is an opportunity to look at things from more than one angle. The basic thing that are the basic things that are going on. Right now Chase is still a little bit upset about losing his pilot's license. He's working on remedying that and the more he thinks about it, the more he's like it feels like Angela had a little more to do with this. That's one thing.

Speaker 1:

Angela is surprised by a new visit from a relative in Italy. Now, she knew about this relative, so she was like OK, what is she doing here? Of course the relative drops his bombshell. We get to watch her navigate. That Melissa and Cole's relationship is heating up. He is. I said what I said. It is that's all I can muster for that. Right now, richard's racetrack dreams are still coming true. Everything's going well there. But you get to see the relationship with his stepdaughter, how he views her, how she views him, and how that view changes once she starts to discover some not so shining characteristics for him. And last but not least, our good friend, our good German friend, gustav, has moved in next door. He has this brand new identity and he is throwing a garden party, which seems to be the talk of the town.

Speaker 1:

So of course we open with Francesca. The backstory appears to be that Francesca is a relative, she is a Gioberti, she is from Italy. The Gioberti had a whole vineyard over there, which makes sense. I'm not an immigrant but I understand that when a lot of families immigrated to America, in particular in order to get business going, you kind of kept that connection with the old world if you could. So that makes sense that you know you'd have relatives in another place that could probably hook you up, teach you hey, this is how you grow wine out here. You know, her family clearly comes from that. That's been in their blood for a long time. Just Angela's father decided to move to the valley and he too is successful Seems like the French excuse me, the Italian Gilbertes were very wealthy or doing well up until this horrible fungus took over their, their, crops. So cousin francesca or at least that's what we're assuming she is shows back up because she needs help. She's like cuz, can you hook a sister up? Now angela is displaying the most wonderful manners. Absolutely, this is family. Come on in. I'll allow you a little time to rest. Chow Lee will put your things away.

Speaker 1:

There's a scene where they're on the stairwell and Francesca, she packs. Like me, like I'm just not great at packs. I'm really, really not. I tend to overdo it because I'm like I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if it's going to rain. I need all these things. She's thinking the same thing. She has no less than 20 pieces of luggage.

Speaker 1:

Poor little Charlie, and the maids are struggling to get the her luggage up to her room when she goes ciao, ciao, basically in Italian. I'm assuming she's telling him to get it together, don't be dropping her stuff. And he's just kind of stuttered up and like oh yes, miss, oh yes, miss. I don't know why this needed to be included. I'm going to charge it to the game, I'm going to charge it to the time.

Speaker 1:

But it's like why would these two people, who both clearly speak English, suddenly get flustered? And when they see each other, he hears her accent, she hears his accent, and it both triggers them to start speaking their native tongue. I don't really get it. I didn't. It was okay. I guess we're filling in the gaps. I guess that was funny. I guess kind of a wasted scene. But now, as I'm listening to her talk, I thought this on the last episode too. I thought that is a terrible Italian accent. This woman is doing the utter most. Imagine my shock and awe when I discovered not only is she not faking an accent. She's actually a prominent Italian actress.

Speaker 1:

I am so sorry if I mess up her name, but Francesca is played by Gina Loya, brigida or, okay, I don't know if an Italian, if two l's is a y sound, let's go. Gina lolo vergida, and god rest her soul. She just passed away last year. Beautiful woman, simply stunning. I'm not going to get into her work history because I don't know if she's going to be blown up. She's going to die on this season. We'll wait and we'll eulogize her if we have to, but in this episode she appears to be a cousin.

Speaker 1:

Last name gilberti shows up to angela's home. They have dinner and she's dressed to kill. Lots of fine sequence. There's a lot of shimmery shininess on falcon crest and anytime they eat dinner I've mentioned this before it is like they're dressed to the nines. It's candle lit, it's dim, it's kind of got the Vaseline over the seat. It's kind of sexy, but not really, because people are just eating soup and stuff.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, francesca is like Angie girl. I remember when you came to Italy when I was a little kid, you were so glamorous, I thought you were so wonderful. And Angie's like yeah, I remember you. He's like yeah, I remember you were just so little and sweet and it just sucked that we didn't speak the same language. We never got to talk.

Speaker 1:

Now, for whatever reason, the manimal is at dinner and so was Lance, and the manimal says hey, I'm Craig Reardon, how are you two related? And Angela, she does that thing where you don't really know and I totally understand that. Once, if you're aunt's third, I don't know, you're my mom's second cousin, whatever. So we're cousins. Basically that's what Angela's thinking. We're cousins for sure.

Speaker 1:

And Francesca's like well, that's part of the reason I'm here, I got a little something for you. So she pulls out this letter and she presents it to Angela and she goes girl, didn't know Italian back then, don't know Italian now. I can speak a little bit here and there, but you're going to have to read this to me. She reads a letter Francesca does, and, mind you, she's not really looking at it most of the time. So I'm going to give her a little bit of soap tax, a little grace. I assume she memorized it. The letter is from Jastor Giaberti, who is Angie's father, angie's deceased father circa 1969, 1968, something like that, and he is basically saying that once upon a few times he went to Italy back in the day because he was in love with this Italian woman and they got together and they had a little girl. So before he dies he wants to make sure that all three of his children know about one another and he wants them to split Falcone Cce evenly. So you can see Angela shifting in her seat. She's still a composed hostess with the mostest.

Speaker 1:

Francesca does not seem to be running game here. She's not trying to like weasel her way in, she's not super hesitant, she's just stating that as a fact, like hey, girl, we're cousins, we're not even. We're not even just family, we're sisters. I hope you can you live with that? Are you okay with having a sister and just swallowing her pride? Like it's going to take a little bit of an adjustment, but throughout the show what I noticed is that she and Angela do get along quite well.

Speaker 1:

They seem to both like each other, and I was expecting Angela to go into a full rant and in the privacy of her office or so I use the word privacy very loosely, as we'll find out very soon she is talking to Craig Reardon, aka the manimal, about hey, what does this mean? Like she's my sister, he's like don't worry, I'll have the handwriting authenticated. We'll do X, y and Z and if it's true, we need to put everything back in probate and then get this place split up three equal ways. She's like dang well, maybe I can come up with something before then, but go ahead and do what you need to do. Mind you, there is not a DNA test in sight. This is 1984, allegedly. You still don't need a DNA test. Perhaps in the world of soap operas or in dramas in general. It's just too easy. It's too easy. Let's, let's drag this out. That's complicated. Reardon does his job. The handwriting is authenticated. It is indeed Jasper's handwriting. She is indeed Jasper's daughter.

Speaker 1:

I expected Angela to go into full Mortal Kombat mode. She's wearing red all episode, which we already know. When she puts on red, it means business. She's got on red almost every scene this episode, but she is surprisingly warming up to Francesca. I think it has a lot to do with the way Francesca came in and they seem to be two birds of a feather. This could have been a horrible revelation for Angela like oh my god, I have to split this. This woman is coming to stake her claim. No, she don't want falcon crest, and that is revealed through this really brief conversation. Angela says to her well, I guess you'll be moving to the valley.

Speaker 1:

Now Francesca's like no, I don't, I mean, what good would I do? That that's I don't. This is lovely. I love Central California or North California. It's beautiful, but, um, I, I belong with my people. I just really came because I need help. You know, you think you can hook us up.

Speaker 1:

Angela is very happy with this news. Oh, cool, so you want your land, like I want my land, absolutely, baby. Let tell you what I'm going to do your solid, since we're sisters, we're going to get all this legalized. And then I need you to sell me your property and I'll give you the money. You can take it back to Italy. Do your thing, we'll do my thing. We'll meet up every now and again.

Speaker 1:

And Francesca's like bad, this is perfect, this is exactly what I want. She doesn't seem to want to hang around. She just came to see if she can get a little assistant from her. What she thought was her cousin, now it's her sister. All is looking well. This is even better for Angela because now, now, she doesn't just own half of Falcon Crest, or a little less than half, she owns one-third. Chase owns one third. Francesca owns one third. If she buys Francesca out, if she buys Francesca's land, she owns 66% of Falcon Crest, making her the majority owner, putting her right back on top, where she belongs.

Speaker 1:

Now, as she reveals this in her supervillain speech, craig Reardon's like yeah, you'll be back on top, you'll be back in control. And she says one of the coldest things I've ever heard Baby, I was never not in control. You see, that's what you need when you're an evil mastermind you need to continually think ahead. She was 15. She was not. She got really lucky. She got really lucky. But she is in her old auntie age. On this one, she is saying rude things to people. She's never going to admit that she's wrong and you know what it works out well.

Speaker 1:

So one morning she's out by the pool having lunch or having breakfast reading the paper. Lance comes up in some super short, super shiny short shorts, but she looks at him and she says one of the most auntie things I've ever heard. I've definitely heard this in some, some reiteration of this exact phrase. She looks at Landon. She's like where have you been? He goes I was out running. Well, if you ran your paper the way you run your legs, you'd be a whole lot more successful. That is such an auntie thing to say, such an old lady thing to say.

Speaker 1:

I remember old ladies would be like God forbid, you're singing along to the radio. You know all those words to the song, don't you? And I'd be like, yes, ma'am, I do. Well, if you read your Bible as much as you listen to these songs, you'd be in good shape. Like, okay, okay, if you read your school books as much as you listen to this music, you'd be in good shape. But I feel like I do. My grades are great, thank you.

Speaker 1:

But she's upset and right about this time she's not upset, she's just being facetious. For no reason. Charlie brings her a letter on a silver platter and it is an invitation to I think it's Jean-Claude, jean-claude I don't speak French Jean-Claude, leblanc or Blanc, whatever, aka Gustave. He's having a welcome me to the valley housewarming party. Well, angela looks at this and immediately she's like I'm definitely busy that day. And Lance says are you sure? Like everybody's going to be there? It's going to be the talk of the town. You might want to show up. She's thinking about it. She's thinking about it and she knows that Francesca's still in town. This will be a perfect opportunity to drop this bomb on Chase. So she said you know what baby? I think I will, I think I'll show up. And Lance says something to the effect of you never know, you might be able to reveal another adoption there. And I totally forgotten that she blowed the last party she went to. She told Maggie she was adopted. Angela only gets dressed to go to parties to be messy. Who was that model years and years ago who said she wouldn't get out of bed for less than $10,000? That's Angie. She's not getting out of bed unless she gets to ruin somebody's life that day. Lucky for her, chase is ripe for the picking this scene with Chase and Maggie in their home.

Speaker 1:

I've watched it a couple of times. I couldn't tell you what happened because when it first pops up, I'm looking. I think he's on the phone, but all I can see is he's wearing a denim vest, not as any denim vest, a denim vest with a print on it like a denim on denim print. So I'm like is he wearing a denim on denim printed vest and a long sleep polo? He looks like a supervillain. He looks like a villain in Karate Kid. I couldn't. I couldn't tell you what they say. I watched it twice, could not tell you what they talk about.

Speaker 1:

During the scene it's like they turned up the 80s this girl around Okay, I am so curious to see how it shows up on the other soap operas. I think Dynasty is in 83. And they've definitely put the 80s a bit more. But you see it a lot in Claudia's hair. It's not quite 80s rock and roll, where on Falcon Crest it's like they're in a totally. It's like they're four years ahead, like it's 1988 or something. Denim vest and a long sleeve polo. I don't think I've seen a long sleeve polo in in years. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm like that is a quintessential teenage 80s villain, garb.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what pick fight he's gonna pick, but later on in the episode he, maggie and emma are having a chatter, chatter, chit-chat and chase is in his feelings like I think your mom had way more to do with this they're talking about like the condensation that was allegedly on the ground and him appearing to be drunk and emma says no, I would have remembered that. I remember everything. There was definitely not any water on the ground and if there was, why would they not say something at the time? Valid point, very great point. And as a conversation progresses, there is a mention of a senator or a congressman. Emma recognizes his name but she goes oh, that's Bunny. Chase and Maggie are like Bunny, who's Bunny? Oh, that's Bunny. Chase and Maggie are like Bunny, who's Bunny? Oh, that's, that's mama's friend Bunny. She calls him Bunny. He's always been a little bit sweet on her. I'm sure he does favors for her. And they start putting two and two and three together and decide it's time to get to the bottom of this. Could she have bribed Bunny, aka the congressman to? You know, rule against Chase. So Emma says you know what?

Speaker 1:

Mother is an impeccable record keeper. She keeps a record of all of her phone calls. I'll just break into her office and look at the log and see what I find she does this very thing breaks into the office or walks into the office. She doesn't have to break in, she does have to break into the desk. She gets that bada bing, bada, boom, pulls out Angela's appointment keeping book and I'm immediately impressed. In the year of our Lord, 2024, I don't keep records like that. Of course our phones keep them for us, but she's booked and busy. Angela's on the phone from 8am to like 4pm. Every 15 minutes she's on a phone call. There's phone calls from Bunny. There's also a check for like $100,000 written to Bunny. So it's looking like Angela paid him to sway the FAA against Chase. That's what it's looking like, of course, because you have to build a suspense.

Speaker 1:

Chow Lee comes in to water a plant. Emma is just ducked behind the desk. She's like oh my God, I lost my Arian. Would you keep an eye out for her? She's just cuckoo enough to where it. Nothing she does seems unusual, not a single thing. If she does something, if she's walking but naked on the roof, they're gonna be like oh, she didn't take her meds today. Oh, julia's back from the dead. Oh, she didn't take her meds today. She's crawling on the floor in your office. Angela, she didn't take her meds today. Continue to underestimate this woman and she is bringing it once again.

Speaker 1:

Oddly enough, emma is not the only spy in Angela's office. I would have forgotten that Gustav had commissioned this. He made it himself. He made this beautiful falcon statue that is resting in her office right behind her head, recording every single conversation she has, whether it's on the phone or whether it's in person in her office, totally unbeknownst to her. So, gustave, who's going by? Le Bonk and the do dirt, do spirits have heard everything. They know that. Angela's sister's in town, they know that her dad basically had this baristarda bastardda. That's exactly what I expected. I expected Angela to flip out. You know how she refers to Richard as Douglas's bastard. I thought she'd call Francesca father's bastard. Well, she doesn't. Not one time. I'm low-key, disappointed. But anyway, spirits and Gustave know everything about everything. So I'm assuming they're going to make their move at some point. They throw the shindig. They want everybody to come by the end of the episode. Everybody does head down to Gustave, aka Jean LeBlanc, as he's presenting himself to his party Speaking of Douglas's bastard.

Speaker 1:

Richard is having a wonderful time in the radio business. The station is doing well. It was a brilliant idea to bring on reporters. He is going toe to toe with the bigger publications but he seems to be doing well because people are hearing his stuff in real time. He's getting the scoop on, you know, different murders, different things happening in the Valley. He's there and it is. It's good business.

Speaker 1:

He and Lance meet each other at the racetrack and they have a little sparring match. Nothing comes of it because Lorraine shows up and she can't stand Lance for real, for real. She's reading all these horrible things about Richard in the paper and her whole thing is like Richard, you shouldn't even associate with these people. They're not your friend. They're saying horrible things about her. She doesn't realize that he's they're saying horrible things that happen to be horrible true things. It all comes back to not everything appearing as it be horrible true things. It all comes back to not everything appearing as it be. He is her hero. That's the only father figure she has. So she can't stand Lance for real, for real. But Lance is giving her the look like. Seems like Terry's on the out, on the way out.

Speaker 1:

Apparently Richard and Pam and Lorraine got an invitation to this same housewarming party. Richard has forbidden Lorraine to go and she is throwing a huge hissy fit like a teenager. He's, his thing is like I don't want you over there. If what I've heard about this man is true, he also knows he's in the cartel. I don't want you anywhere around them. I don't want you close to them. I don't want nothing that could bring you harm. No, absolutely not. She flips out You're treating me like a child. He goes you are a child, you're my child and you won't be at that party. She goes I'm your stepchild and it, oh, it got some. It got some. You can just see him slink Pam kind of winces too.

Speaker 1:

And little Miss Lorraine decides she can't take it anymore. She's going to get on the first thing, smoke it, and that happens to be this little crop plane. So they smoking, and that happens to be this little crop plane. So they make it to the airport. She leaves, one of Richard's security guards, I'm assuming, calls him to tell him that she's gone. He tells her to follow, he tells his guard to follow her and then Richard goes to the airport, where that's where she was. But it's not like an airport with a commercial flight, it's these little crop dusting plane. And I'll tell you what there was no less than eight or nine people standing in line to board a four passenger plane. I'm like where the hell are they putting these people Doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

Richard comes, he pours his heart out and she's like dude, it doesn't take a whiz to figure out that if Lance is posting these things, you're not necessarily denying them. Some of them have to be true. And he confesses it breaks his heart because this is probably the one person who doesn't know his do dirt, dirt stuff. She looks at him like a hero and he has to break her heart again and he says everything in that paper they write about me is true and I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I really am. I just didn't want you to look at me any differently. I love you. I was so happy to have you here, but if you want to go I won't stop you. I'm sorry he walks off. That's all she needs to hear. She goes to chase him down and they hug each other and I'm like I love this. I love Richard as a big old softy. What a sweet little daughter. His daughter. And Pam is being one heck of a step girlfriend. I guess I don't really know what that, that, what she would be, but they look really cute as a family. They're always having dinners together. Everybody gets along wonderful. Speaking of cutie pies, baby Joseph's parents are in this episode too.

Speaker 1:

I do not know why it took me 76 episodes, four seasons, countless hours of watch time to realize that Cole is utterly and totally and completely boring in every single way. Now, I know this should have come up earlier, but it didn't and I realized that Cole is always peppered with fun stuff. He's actually that greenery. They put around really beautiful dishes, like you know. He's there but you're not really thinking because you're looking at stuff in the middle. Or the stuff in the middle has been him being accused of murder, him fighting his sister's way, way, way too old boyfriend, his wife, her little turmoil with her father. There's always been other things going on, him not really being acknowledged as baby Joseph's father. There have been interesting things surrounding him, but him as a person is a total and complete dud.

Speaker 1:

And it occurred to me on this episode, when they're handing off baby Joseph to Melissa, she's out at the vineyards kind of taking care of business and he insults her. He's just, he's kind of huffy. He's huffy because he saw her with the manimal and he doesn't like the fact that she's getting close with the manimal and he says something snooty to her. So the next time they see one another she's like you owe me an apology, you were out of pocket for talking out of the side of your neck to me. He disagrees and he throws it in her face. Well, who has custody of baby joseph?

Speaker 1:

She burst out crying, as I'm like cole. There was no reason to say that. There was absolutely no reason to say that. She's talking about you being upset about who she's dating when you had a whole life she loves you now just deal with it. That's that's how I feel I want to see bad girl meli succeed.

Speaker 1:

But then, the more I thought about it, I'm like why do you keep picking these duds? Since when do bad girls want super boring good duh? Wasn't she like sleeping with half the valley when we first met her? And now you only have eyes for boring, boring coal. She wants a family. That's what that is. That's all that is.

Speaker 1:

So she burst out crying, they end up embracing at some point and they have this really weird not at all sexy scene where they're swimming in a creek and we get to spy on them through, like through the reeds which is odd because I think the actor who plays Cole is either his first or his last name is Moses. So it's literally Moses in the reed with bad girl Melly Mel, who seems to have a hand fetish. She kisses a lot of hands on this show. I don't know what that's about, but it's so awkward. I'm like why would two incredibly wealthy people be swimming in a creek in the middle of nowhere when you can go to a pool? Does Melissa not have a pool? I have a vineyard and no pool. That's what she needs to do. She's not. She's not thinking holistically here. Get yourself a pool, get yourself some amenities so that your house is just as poppin as falcon crest, and eventually she'll forget about it. Well, that's gonna go up in flames anyway, because francesca is back in town, which shifts everything. Before we get to francesca, the party and the drama that ensues.

Speaker 1:

We gotta talk about julia, who I feel like we can now honor in the bad girl club. Don't you agree? Bad girl julia, is't you agree? Bad girl? Julia is back from the dead or back from the tunnel under the blue. You see, there we go. The pyrotechnics tried to blow her up too, but she was too clever. She's living in a camper with I forgot his name Kyle Lyle the weird guy she was. Whatever, she's with him, but she's riddled with guilt. I have to say. Her new haircut is so gorgeous. It's timeless. She looks so good with like a banyan and this bob, this chin length bob, she looks amazing. Very beautiful person too.

Speaker 1:

She decides she doesn't want to live looking over her shoulder. That's exhausting. He's been run out of town, it's just, it hasn't been good. She just wants to go to jail, do her time, just wants to do her time. So she finally convinces her boyfriend to take her to the nearest police station and she shows up on the wrong day. And she found the right one. He was not having any of it.

Speaker 1:

This is a grisly old sheriff and he's had it up to here, because this is the third or fourth person who was shown up claiming to be julia cumson. He is sick of it. He's like listen, I ain't got time for this. I don't know what murderers look like, but I know what kookaloos look like. And, lady, you are a kooka loo. Don't come back in here playing with me. She's like dude, I'm telling you I'm a murderer. I crawled under the thing. I was saved. I've been looking over my shoulder. Why don't you just pull out a piece of paper? Why don't you call blah, blah, blah and falcon crash. He'll tell you. Last time I talked to him he said you were dead. Get out of my office, stop playing in my face.

Speaker 1:

So she leaves, she goes outside and her boyfriend's waiting and she's like they didn't believe me. I don't know what you do in this situation, do you? I have no idea what you would do. I mean, it seems like it'd be so difficult to prove that you. I mean it's already hard enough to prove who you are or who you are not, but if you've been pronounced dead in 1984, I bet it's a hell of a process A lot of red tape, a lot of paperwork and, like he said, he ain't got time for that, he don't really care. I mean, what more can we do? I don't see how she could just parade around though she's still on the show, but I don't see how she could ever go back to falcon crest. I just don't see how that's possible.

Speaker 1:

We've reached the final act. It is a garden party, aka the housewarming party for gustav, who is parading around as or leblanc, I forget. It seems pretty fancy smancy. I'm immediately taken aback by the difference in wardrobe. You've got some people dressed like it's Easter Sunday. So Maggie shows up, she's got on this off the shoulder white lace outfit and pants, chase is wearing a sports coat and then Emma shows up like in an Easter Sunday dress. Then you got Lorraine, who's also kind of dressed like she's giving a speech on Easter Sunday. Pam has on a full length, midi shoulder pad, sequined cow print dress. Angela Giaverde shows up looking like she's getting married and the guest of honor, unbeknownst to everybody until then, miss Francesca, shows up in a blue wrap dress, but it's sequined. She gorgeous, everybody looks beautiful.

Speaker 1:

But I'm just like what is what is the attire for an outside garden party at about 3 pm? Sequins seems like it'd be a bit much. I'm feeling like the Easter Sunday get up was probably more practical. But then I liked Maggie's kind of down-home approach, was like I got my shoulders out. Today it's one of those days and I think Melissa's wearing like a red spaghetti strap. So they're, they're all over the place dressed up. But I'll tell you what. It is definitely 1980s in some spots in the garden, other parts it's almost 1940.

Speaker 1:

So everyone's there and I am once again distracted by the setup, because it's brilliant. They have this, this really long table, and there are several different varieties of glasses. All they're all in the same suite. They're all the same glass lined up, and then there's like this beautiful centerpiece and a drink, and then you'll move to the next section. There are different sets of glasses and then there's bottles of drinks and then there's just like floral arrangement, separating it out, and I'm like, dang, that is fine dining. I love stuff like that because I do tend to host a lot of things. So if I can have a setup that is a little better, where people aren't kind of hovering in one spot, it is brilliant. I can't wait to throw a party and have that setup. I just thought it was so brilliant.

Speaker 1:

But back to the story. So we're at this very elegant party. I'm going to call him Gustav, because it gets too confusing to go back and forth with his alias. Gustav is introduced to Emma. He seems to think she's gorgeous. He holds her hand just a little too long. But he's also surrounded by kind of bikini clad, you know barely legal type. He seems a little unsavory when it comes to that, but he seems taken aback by Emma. So you know she's going to fall in love, because she falls in love with the drop of dine.

Speaker 1:

Enter Francesca in her sequined blue. Well, angie shows up and she's talking to LeBlanc. Now, she's purposely saying his name like she's from Jean LeBlanc. She's saying it as non-French as she can. They have a quick exchange and then he tink, tink, tinks the glass and makes an announcement that she is there. Well, she takes the stage like, hey, cool, since you're all looking at me, I'd like to introduce you to someone very special to me, my half sister, francesca Giaberti. And Chase is like what the F? Angie, why didn't you tell me this? Because she talked to him earlier. She didn't tell him. She only shows up to be messy. Everyone's looking at Francesca, but Richard. Richard is really looking. Richard has forgot that Pam was there. Richard forgot that his daughter's there. It's like he sees her and he is. That's it, love at first sight. He's like, damn, Now, triton is kept.

Speaker 1:

This is a beautiful, well-kept woman, maybe because it's my birthday. I'm like in my feels a little bit, but I think there is a certain level of elegance that comes with older women. I've always thought that I don't feel like everybody has it. It's like, though, the glamour girls who kind of get it together pretty young, they tend to maintain that well until old age. Now, this woman's not elderly per se she's probably early 60s, but but she is so glamorous. She went and looked at her pictures from when she was younger. She doesn't look much different. She understands her face. She understands what makeup works for her, she knows what to highlight and it just it keeps. It's the security. I think that makes you just really beautiful. I think when you're young you're always trying out new trends, you're trying to find yourself. But when a woman finds that thing that works for her and she understands that, that's kind of a spectrum. Ie like hair at a certain length, hair with certain curls, really accent, accentuate this, that this part of your face. People who get that tend to look glamorous forever. She's one of those. She's an it girl even at 60.

Speaker 1:

So it wasn't a surprise, it wasn't like a forced story. It didn't seem odd that he was so taken aback by her because she is so beautiful, but like he took it to the umpteenth level. He's clearly much, much younger than her, but he's all in. Pam even looked at him like she did a double take. Like I know he's not looking at Miss Robinson like this. Oh he is. He wants a whole Miss Robinson situation. Baby, they, he takes her hand. I'm Richard, you're Francesca, would you like to dance with me? And it's like. It's like the parting of the Red Sea. Everyone is staring at them because the chemistry floating off of these people is so hot.

Speaker 1:

This was not on my 2024 Falcon Crest bingo card. I didn't see this coming, do we? We do May December romances here this one works. I implore you to find this episode and watch it if you're not watching it in real time. This one is spectacularly interesting, if for no other reason than that. It's just. It's just. He's into her, that's all there is.

Speaker 1:

Pam is standing right there looking at him all up and down the side of his head, and remember he tore up half the world looking for Pam. But the minute Francesca struts into this party with the sequence that's it, that's all. Babe, I'm going to be honest with you. I think I'm going to start watching this as soon as I'm done recording, because I can't wait to see what happens. All right, guys, that's it, that's all. Thank you for joining me for another fun-filled edition of Soap Lore, the Falcon Fiend episode. Remember, if you faked your death, don't show up turning up library books and paying taxes. Just let sleeping dogs fly. Let it be what it's going to be In the meantime, in between time, keep your friends closer, enemies closer, your birth and death certificate closest. Mind your business, stay hydrated and keep all of your drama on TV. Bye, thank you.