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S4 EP10 Falcon Crest - Tarantella: The " Tap Dancing on Her Last Nerve" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 232

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 Welcome back Soap Fiends!! Picture this: a room full of glamorous 80s fashion, dramatic stares, and family secrets simmering just beneath the surface. Join us as we explore the unforgettable Falcon Crest episode "Tarantella" from season four, where the Auntie-drama top tier. Remember those toy commercials from the 80s and 90s that promised the world but never delivered? We draw parallels between those misleading ads and the soap's intricate storylines, making a case for the importance of reading the fine print in life. Expect anecdotes and a healthy dose of humor as we celebrate the over-the-top antics of our favorite aunt character and her fashionable faux pas.

We're diving into a tangled web of love, betrayal, and shifting alliances that would make any soap opera aficionado's heart race. The tension between Chase and Francesca takes center stage, with cultural clashes adding a fascinating layer to their familial conflict. Meanwhile, Pam confronts Richard over his secretive dealings, and Aunt Terry finds herself caught between newfound wealth and a coked out ex with an insatiable appetite for drugs, money and lurking in low places. With Richard's intentions toward Francesca's land shrouded in mystery, we expose the precarious balance of power, wealth, and desire that keeps Falcon Crest fans on the edge of their seats.

The spotlight shifts to Francesca as she navigates a maze of manipulation and hidden agendas. A party she throws becomes a theatrical battleground, showcasing her struggle for control against Angela's cunning schemes. Revel in the spectacle of her audacious performance that leaves everyone stunned, and heed our light-hearted advice on avoiding the pitfalls of real-life drama. As Francesca's evening in San Francisco with Richard raises questions of personal worth, the episode serves as a reminder: sometimes the party you least expect becomes the one you'll never forget. Engage with us, share your thoughts, and let's keep the conversation going beyond the screen.

Speaker 1:

I'm like you're not gonna outcrack a crackhead, he's gonna make sure he finds what he needs. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soap Lore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jeff, viewing and reviewing one of the soapiest, deadliest primetime storylines of 1984. We are doing the absolute most back on the West Coast. It is a Falcon Fiend episode. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or, out of sight, tell they've no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in earshot. Be on your best behavior today. You can be cool, you can be quiet or you can be tambourine. Cat dance right on out, because we are enjoying our story. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is SoFloor. Hello, gorgeous, welcome back to another fun filled edition of Soap Floor. Party people, or people who like to party, this is the place to be to get your weekly fix of Vintage Primetime Soap Offery. Now you would think by the time we slid into season four, this would be an old hat. We'd know all the tricks of the trade, but I love that this is still developing before my eyes. What I'm noticing, though, right about episode 10, episode nine, whatever you got to start ushering out these little empty storylines Now, today, of course, we're doing Falcon Crest.

Speaker 1:

You all know. If you've been listening for a while, you know how I feel about Falcon Crest. No line is wasted, no scene is wasted. It's a beautiful, beautifully written little tapestry that we like to call just I don't even have a word for it. Totally forgot where I was going there, but it is about that time to do a little house cleaning on season four. So what are we going to watch this episode? We're going to see some relationships shuffle around. We're going to see a boatload of sequence. I mean, the 80s showed up, showed out. We're going to see a repeat outfit that I did not anticipate. I believe Julia Roberts might have bit Maggie's style just a bit. I believe Julia Roberts might have bit Maggie Stile just a bit. And then we're going to see one of the most over-the-top auntie antics that the likes of anyone has ever seen. You know, I live for a good auntie moment, and this episode is chock full of them. So grab yourself something refreshing, sit back, enjoy. Let's jump into season four, episode 10 of Falcon Crest Tarantula oh, no, no, no, tarantula. Oh, I'm going to mess it up. She just said it Tarantula, don't say tarantula, make it sound fancy. That's what this episode is called. This is for my 90s kids, 80s babies. Gen X will probably remember this too.

Speaker 1:

Do you guys remember back in the day you wake up on Saturday morning, the cartoons would come on and not only would you be watching your favorite shows, but they would be just chock full of commercials selling you this or that. For girls it was the Barbie Dreamhouse. It was, let me think of something I really wanted I don't know Cricket Doll when I was little. Actually, I don't really remember those commercials, I just kind of remember having a Cricket Doll you know what I'm saying, it's my Little Pony, those Giga Pets, all those weird things remember. And for boys, they'd have like the wrestlers jumping off the ropes, blah, blah, blah. Well, eventually I remember that they had to start including this little disclaimer in the corner to let you know that the action figures do not move on their own, like okay, that would seem obvious, but to a child, if you go and you ask your parents for like this Barbie dream house, or I'm trying to remember which one it was. Remember the one where her hair like her arm went up and her hair would grow like 10 feet. It was like the first weave sort of Well, you would get the doll, but they didn't tell you you didn't get all the accessories. So you'd be all geeked up and you'd open your box like hey, where this is, where's all the stuff, each sold separately. They had your box like hey, where this is, where's all the stuff, each sold separately. They had to start kind of mentioning that in the commercials. Maybe this it's in my mind. This was like a law in the very early 90s, but it could have been something I just wasn't paying attention to until later on.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes in life you walk into situations and you forget to read the fine print. You walk in thinking everything is cool, everything is great, and you have like a genuine excitement about the situation, until you look a little closer and notice that pieces are missing. You have nothing. Maybe you have the base. How many times have you ordered something off of amazon? I think I I ordered a chair one time and I didn't realize it was a kid's chair. I should have known, because the price was just a little bit too good. I felt duped, I was pissed, and then I thought it was hilarious at the same time, because I'm like somebody did this on purpose. You just Mattel'd me, you just each part sold separately in very fine print, with the matchbox guy reading it super fast.

Speaker 1:

By the way, why was I, like last week, years old when I realized that that guy? They were just like speeding up his voice. He didn't really talk that fast. You know the one, the micro car, the match cars, what were they called? You know the one, my little brother one time that's a story for another day. But the little matchbox cards, that guy who was reading it, we thought he talked so fast. No, they were just speeding it up. I was I'm really embarrassed at my big age. Last week I figured out that they had just been speeding up his voice all that time. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. We're talking about not knowing fully what you're getting until it bites you in the face. That's how the it Girl feels. All episode.

Speaker 1:

Francesca has come across the Atlantic Ocean reaching out to her sister. Like girl, we need help, angie's. Like girl, I got you. She's thinking. Francesca is believing that she has this beautiful family built up. So she's enjoying her time at FC before she heads on back to Italy. But of course, all good things must come to an end. Our girl is really going through with this episode.

Speaker 1:

Let's go ahead and start with some of the side stories, first and foremost because this is about episode 10. It is time to solidify some relationships and dissolve a few others. 10. It is time to solidify some relationships and dissolve a few others. Mellie Mel and Cole have decided they are in love. It is the right thing to do. Mellie Mel is so remorseful for, I mean god, the laundry list, uh, embarrassing Cole marrying Lance while she was pregnant with Cole's baby, lying about Cole's baby being his baby, giving away the baby. You know all that. It was a mistake and it was a mistake. She learned the hard way. She learned the long way. She could very much say that she was just a little bit hormonal. You know she was going through it. It was a lot to think about. Her father just died with a lot, but she's a different woman now and he's a different man and they're together. They are together and they want to raise their baby together.

Speaker 1:

Now Chase and Maggie are not super pumped about this information Chase's face is giving. I can't stand you old auntie vibes this whole episode, but I understand where he's coming from. When Cole does decide to finally tell Maggie and Chase, chase just sort of rolls his eyes and he's like Maggie, maggie, I'm gonna tell him son, okay, this is what you want to do. This girl has run amok. She's got a reputation all over town. Now, in my heart of hearts, I wish, I wish that the writers had just slipped in a little line. Something like this woman has run all over town, she's embarrassed you, she's got quite the. I wish, I wish that the writers had just slipped in a little line. Something like this woman has run all over town, she's embarrassed you, she's got quite the laundry list, just like your whole Aunt Terry. I really wanted him to say something about that, but he didn't because he respects his wife. But you know, they're just going to accept it. What can they do about what's been done?

Speaker 1:

Also, a little later in the episode, maggie gets a rando call. I'm trying, I'm having a really hard time placing this gentleman because she has a PI that she's hired. I don't believe this is the same guy, because when she makes up the phone. She's like hey, I haven't heard from you in a minute. He goes yeah, I'm in New York. Listen, I don't even know if I should be saying this, mags, but I think I may have found something about your mom. Oh, please tell me. Please tell me. Okay, your mom's name is Charlotte. That's all she needs. Thank you, so so so much. I'm thinking you dropped a lot of money for this little bit of information.

Speaker 1:

But, unbeknownst to her, this guy isn't in New York at all. I mean, he's not even out of the state of California, he's not even off of Falcon Crest soil. He's over at Angela's house being fed money from Angela to okay, yes, angela outed Maggie's father, her adopted father, who was her father, and told everybody at that picnic that Maggie was adopted, which was sort of a surprise move because she didn't really have any beef with Maggie. She's never had a problem with Maggie. I would go as far as to say she might be one of the few people that Maggie, that Angela, actually likes, but for whatever reason, she knew that Maggie was adopted and decided to sit on it until now. Now she is paying this gentleman to spoon feed Maggie little, tiny, tiny bits of information about her mom, and then at some point there's going to be a big reveal. I'm gonna bet money is at a party, okay, so let's go back to the beginning and get to the oh, oh, last little side piece.

Speaker 1:

Lance is busy seducing Richard's stepdaughter, maureen or Laureen, whatever her name is, maureen Lord, whatever he's. He's seducing her. It's going well. She's all impressed because he's like well, why don't we just, you know, go watch an old Woody Allen movie? I'm doing the math and my oldest relative right, oldest relative this would have been 1984. As far as I know, woody Allen's body of work did not extend beyond or before the 60s. So I guess, I guess that would be old Millennials. Do you think movies in the 90s are old? I mean, I mean, I guess we should. Really it's like 30 years old. I guess it is kind of old. That's neither here nor there. She's impressed, but she's also super, super young. Let's get back to the beginning of the episode.

Speaker 1:

This episode opens with a beautiful cinematic view of the vineyard. Cole and Chase are outside, fully dressed, with layers on, and Maggie comes up and she's wearing an outfit. I'm like where have I seen that before? And it is adorable. I am a huge fan of polka dots. She looks great, but she fan of polka dots. She looks great, but she's wearing polka dots, sort of a sleeveless, almost halter dress, which is white. Polka dots are black, and then she's wearing a black hat and I'm like that looks so, so familiar. It looks exactly, or it looks very, very similar to the dress that Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman, where they went to the Kentucky Derby or the LA Derby and you know she makes a whoop, whoop, whoop. It's a dress very, very similar to that, but it's in black. So I'm like okay, maggie, come through.

Speaker 1:

She wasn't going nowhere, she was just coming to deliver a little piece of mail to Chase. Hey, chase, angela brought this, but she goes. Oh my god, it's so hot, never mind the fact that they're wearing all these layers, so maybe it's not too hot. Chase opens the mail and of course it is a note or some sort of alert from Angela saying that she's going to petition the courts to have Jasper's will reopen so that Francesca can claim her rightful one third of the property, since she is Jasper's child. Now Jasper would be Chase's grandfather, angela's father, remember, chase's father is Jason, who is Angela and Francesca's brother. So this shuffles aboard once again. Falcon Crest is no longer split into two, with Chase owning half and Angela owning half. It is now split into thirds, thirds. So Chase rightfully owns his third because his father is deceased. Angela quote-unquote rightfully owns her third and so does Francesca. If all of this is is able to be, you know, to go through court.

Speaker 1:

Now Chase immediately gets an attitude like oh, that's cute. Now why in the world would she be doing something like that? Suddenly she cares. I know something is up, I'm going to go talk to her right now. And he does just that. He marches on down to Angela's house and she's sitting on the front porch having a good old time talking with the manimal.

Speaker 1:

Well, francesca comes out and she's got that glow about her. You know the glow. She's spent a beautiful night in San Francisco. She has been wined and dined by this fine young man, richard, and she's like oh girl, that was such a good time. But Chase comes up and he's like auntie, what's really going on?

Speaker 1:

So when Chase comes up, francesca comes out right about that time and she's like hey, handsome, look at my handsome nephew, how you doing baby. And Angela is just kind of sitting there with that you know that, that stoic smirk, but they're both getting on her nerves. And he goes. You know, hey, I just came to talk to Angela about a little something, something. And so Francesca goes. Oh yes, honey, did you hear what your aunt's still doing for me? She's gonna get me out of a bind. It's gonna be so wonderful. I am paraphrasing here. You'll have to go back and watch the episode. I am paraphrasing.

Speaker 1:

And chase is like no auntie, why don't you tell me what is she doing for you? She is gonna. She basically tells him yeah, she's gonna. She offered to buy my third of falcon crest so that I can get my people in italy out of our rut. We're gonna. Basically, it's a rebuilding year. We're, we're good though, thank god, right, it's so sweet of her. I can't believe she's being so sweet. And chase is like oh really, that's cute, angela. Wow, that's how we're doing this.

Speaker 1:

And so francesca's reading the room because she thought that chase was aware of this and that he would be really excited. She's confused. She's like wait what? I guess in her mind she's thinking that her third would have been evenly split between Angela and Chase. She didn't understand, because you know, we're in Italy. The Gio birthdays get along. They're a family, they're very tight knit so it's not even in her mindset that the family wouldn't just share the land. So now she's saying that she's like wait what? You didn't tell me that? And she's like, girl, don't listen to him. Don't listen to him, he's just upset now Don't even worry about it, he goes about his business.

Speaker 1:

Someone else who is standing on business this episode is our girl, pam. Pam is Miss Lynch, the very faithful secretary, who has really been through it lately. But she's going through it even more now because she just caught Richard in the hotel motel holiday in with Francesca. So she is extra petty this episode. She sets an appointment with herself, I'm assuming, so that she can have a morning appointment with Richard. So when she walks in, he's like why would you have a formal appointment with me? And she goes I just need you to remember that this is business. He's like, ok, what's going on? So she starts pulling out all these receipts. She's like, okay, I have, this is your house, I have this information here, basically all of the security measures that she has put in place to ensure his safety. After all, there's a whole cartel looking for him in case he forgot. And he's like, yeah, you've done a great job about that. She's's like well then, how come you snuck off to this hotel? You were in room 2460 with Francesca last night.

Speaker 1:

Now, as wonderful as this movie is, I am fully distracted because she still got that Shirley do-wop-pop-pop hairdo looking like an Elvis impersonator. She also kind of looks like Chanticleer. Do you remember the movie all dogs go to heaven? She is giving Chanticleer the whole time for some reason. No, no, no, no, chanticleer. Wait a minute. Not all dogs go to heaven, rockadoodle pardon me, that was my movie. I love that movie. She is giving Rockadoodle all episode long and I'm like why did they make this? It's so distracting. She could have been an extra in Grease.

Speaker 1:

So she's sitting there with an attitude and her hair cocked to the side and she's all shook up and Richard's like Pam, I thought we decided this wasn't that serious. She goes well, it's not. But I mean wow, okay, fine, it's not. But I mean wow, okay, fine, it's not that serious. Since it's not that serious, I'm going to move out. And he's like okay, cool, just do it sooner rather than later. She's like fine, but I'm also would love to keep my job. He sees no reason why she shouldn't, despite this being a business meeting. She just like why are you so into this, francesca? Lady? Like, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say I'm madly in love, but this is just kind of a temporary affair, or that maybe I'm trying to get her land? We don't really know. Actually, we'll find out a little more at the end of the episode, but I'm just not really convinced. And something else has come to my attention. I think Richard forgets his lines. I think someone is feeding him lines from the side, or maybe they have the giant cue cards up because his delivery is a little bit off, never mind that he's got to go woo a very, very confused Francesca at this point.

Speaker 1:

Someone else who was walking around a little bit confused is dear old aunt Terry. Now she has become. She's turned her life around right. She married up. Her husband promptly dies. Her husband promptly leaves not only the millions that his auntie left him, but he has the money that he made during his lifetime and the money that his wife made his lifetime. Terry is a very, very wealthy woman. She had the most come up, the biggest come up of all come ups. But she's so unhappy. She's got the clothes, she's got the cute car and then she's got this great big, lonely, empty house. She can't get a hold of Lance. All episode. She's lonely. She wants to continue their little rendezvous, but he has moved on. He is seducing someone young, someone fun, and it's not an age thing, but it's just like Terry has suddenly become very serious.

Speaker 1:

At one point she shows up at his office. She's dressed in all white, she's got the shoulder length hair. She's giving the crystal and cream vibes which is also the soap opera, wife vibes. That's not what he wants and he's like you were. She goes you used to be so much more fun when you weren't such a big hot shot. He's like you were a lot more fun when you weren't so wife like. Is that the cardinal sin for the side chick? You got to continue to be fun. Once you get a little serious, suddenly you're out the door. That appears to be the case. And what's more, she's got this cracked out ex-husband who was just popping up at all hours. He's just popping up so randomly she can't even keep her mind right.

Speaker 1:

She is paranoid in her own home. She's minding her business one day and she decides you know what? I got to do a little something for myself. So she calls a locksmith. The locksmith comes and bless his heart. He's trying to hit on her just a little bit. He changed the locks. She's relieved.

Speaker 1:

She starts to head upstairs and, wouldn't you know it, florida man jumped from behind a plant in her house and she's like what are you doing here? How did you get in here house? And she's like what are you doing here? How did you get in here? I just had the locks changed. He's like well, I know, but like I just snuck in the back door while he was changing the front door. I'm like you're not gonna out crack a crackhead, he's gonna make sure he finds what he needs. And he's like oh, by the way, thank you so much for all the drugs you keep in your medicine cabinet. Man, it was like a candy store in there. He's's just high and being weird. She's like God dang it, please go away. She pushes him like just get out of my house, pushes him, but unfortunately she pushes him into a potted plant in their house and also holds a spare key.

Speaker 1:

Now, I didn't think this was a big deal because, as I just said, she just had had the locks changed, but she seems to be worried. I didn't see her slip the key into the pot, but we're gonna let that happen for this storyline. Well, he's like all right, see you later. And he just runs out of the door. All weird. I'm also a little ashamed to admit.

Speaker 1:

The Florida man is really cute. This episode I get it. I get it before he became an addict. I bet he was a whole lot of fun. Well, this has become all too much for terry. So later on in the episode she goes to a pawn shop and she gets herself a pistol. Only she doesn't understand that pistols are kind of useless if you don't have bullets. But that's not the point. The point is she just wants to startle florida man the next time he decides to come jumping out of the shadows in her own home. So, like I said, she's been trying in vain all episode to get Lance's attention. That's not happening.

Speaker 1:

She's in bed one night she hears a crickety creak, the telltale sign of someone trying to break in her house. Only, it's not really breaking in if you have a key. Florida man is coming off some sort of high and he doesn't have a flashlight, but he has matches. So he uses matches to like stick in his mouth or a lighter or something so that he can open the door to her house. And this is like it's night. I don't know what time it is. Let's say it's 1030, just to be conservative. It's 1030 at night. It's dark. He starts fumbling with the key, but then this car comes up the driveway.

Speaker 1:

Terry doesn't know that she's upstairs. She's like oh God, oh God, oh God, I just can't be. I can't keep. She can't keep looking over her shoulders, she can't enjoy this good new money if this old ball and chain doesn't disappear. So she grabs a gun, she goes downstairs and as soon as the door opens, she points it and it's Richard. I'm like Richard, what in the world are you doing here now? Richard did mention that he was gonna call her. Richard stopped by Lance's office, which was Richard's old office, to let him know he needs to stay away from his stepdaughter. Blah, blah, blah. That didn't go well. But he's like oh, hey, hey, terry is coming in as he's as Richard's leaving. He's like I to talk to you about something. I'll call you Instead of calling.

Speaker 1:

He comes by at 1030 at night, which I find to be incredibly inappropriate, even more so when he reveals that he's on his way to another date with Francesca. So basically he's like Terry, what is going on? You're a tough lady, but I can tell you're freaking out. What is what's going on? She's just trying to play it off Like, no, no, no, everything's fine, it's fine. I'm really embarrassed. She just startled me and he goes well, you wouldn't be startled if you didn't leave your door, your front door, wide open with the key in it. So luckily, the spare key is now back in her possession.

Speaker 1:

Hopefully she finds a better hiding spot and hopefully she buys some bullets. As Richard points out, you weren't going to do much damage with no bullets. What are you doing? Like you have a whole gun. What's going on? She doesn't want to tell him. So he's like well, I just I came by to see if you wanted to sell me your harvest. She tells him it's not for sale. I totally forgot. Terry owned grapes at this point, but that's neither here nor there. She said she's not going to sell him. He. He's like all right, I'll try again later. And as he's leaving, she's trying to convince him to stay late. Do you have to go? Can you just hang out a little longer? And he's like I'm sorry I'm meeting, like this hot Italian woman, take care of yourself. So let's rewind a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Earlier that day, francesca had yet another appointment, and this is with Mr Lieberman. Mr whatever his fake name is the Nazi kid. He is trying to seduce her by way of sculpture, through art, because he's such a refined man. So she's posing on a chaise as he sculpts her face and she's like you can tell she's getting tired. He tells her well, let's take a little break, let's take five. So she's like great, so you're a sculptor, that's cool, what are you going to do with this sculpture? And he's like I'm going to give it to you. Of course she goes politely this is those old manners. Well, I don't need it, I have the original. Like right, what is she gonna do with a statue of her own face? She don't need that, doesn't matter anyway.

Speaker 1:

He's just trying to butter her up to see if she's gonna sell that property. But it's nagging on her. It's starting to like kind of irritate her. She goes man, I just don't really know about this. I just feel like I'm starting to see a really ugly side of my family, even though we're beautiful people. Because he mentions that they're beautiful and you know they are, they're on tv, but she's like they just treat each other so ugly, I don't even want to do this is kind of becoming a bummer. I'm not going to sell anything. She says something about the selling so he's like oh okay, you can tell he's a little bit discouraged, but luckily for us there's a, there's an invisible character this whole season. That is actually really, really brilliant. I'm so glad that they've made this happen.

Speaker 1:

One of his sculptures, of course, is the falcon that he gave to Angie, which also doubles as a recording device. So he's hearing all the comings and goings, all of the conversations, and he also has a do dirt guy, spheeris, doing all his dirty work. So after Francesco leaves, spheeris comes in and they're just kind of going over their notes for the day and he's like oh, by the way, julia, julia Compson turned up at a police station a few miles, you know, a few hundred miles from here, trying to turn herself in, but they thought she was crazy. So he's like oh my God, julia's alive, kidnap her, snatch her up.

Speaker 1:

Meanwhile, on the other side of California, julia and her boo are running a few errands. She's out and about because now she's like well, I mean, if everybody thinks I'm dead, am I really here? You what's? You know what she's saying. She's saying if the identity I had before is presumed to be gone, who can I be now? Like I'm not even me now. This is so weird. What do I do? It's not like she can go back home, because those people are going to realize it's her, but I mean, she's just in a really weird spot. Her man is like don't worry about it, baby, you're real, because I love you and I'm going to take you out for a burger right after this. She's like bet, he goes in the store and she's chilling in the suburban when an ambulance pulls up behind her, she's not thinking anything of it. No stranger danger. She has no reason to look over her shoulder. Suddenly one of the paramedics quote unquote opens the door, puts one of that little cloth over her face and knocks her out, knocks her out and they drag her into the ambulance and we don't see her anymore for the rest of the episode.

Speaker 1:

After her appointment, I assume, francesca goes to the winery and she's having just a nice little afternoon with her favorite new nephew, chase Giaberti. Now Chase is handling this well. He has no beef with Francesca. He can tell right away that she has no malice in her heart. So he's just talking to her and she's mad. So they're talking trash about Angela for a little bit. She's like, yeah, baby, I'm going to make some wine and I'm going to name it after her. They're just being catty. She's just like name it old and stuff, name it bitter harvest. She's like, no, baby, I'm going to name it sour grapes. So they just laughing it up and he's like auntie.

Speaker 1:

Let me just tell you, you and I haven't gotten to know each other. I hope that changes. I feel like that was kind of my design from Angie. But just know that from the moment I came here she has been a complete nightmare. She's all in my business, she's always doing something foul, she's always messing up my life in some way and she's going to do the same thing to you. I promise you that. But good luck. Good luck with the vineyard. It is what it is. So she sees it. She's like baby. You must know I had no idea that this would be a thing Because, like I said, she's from Italy, her family in Italy.

Speaker 1:

They love each other, they get along. The reason she is there is so that she can save the family. So she's just absolutely disgusted by this point. But you know she's a fair woman. So what she does is she goes back to the mansion and she puts on a killer sequin. It looks like it's a pantsuit, but I bet it's a skirt. I can't imagine she wears pants. It's a full on sequin outfit and, dare I say, she's dripping with jewels, semi-precious jewels, if what Alexis on Dynasty says is true. Because it looks like she's wearing turquoise and I'm like oh, semi-precious stones, oh my. But it doesn't matter, because she's killing the lighting with this gorgeous statement outfit. She's got her hair, did?

Speaker 1:

She's on her way to meet Richard again, but she's like let Angela just one more time. She asked her for a way. She says now, would you give me a gun if you knew I was going to go shoot up some place? Something like that. Like, would you, would you give me a weapon if you know I was going to go destroy a bunch of people with it? And Angela's like of course not, I would never do that. We're sisters, I love you.

Speaker 1:

And so Francesca goes. Well, then why did you weaponize this, this land acquisition against Chase? Like you know how dirty that is, I don't want to do that to him. And she goes oh, he's just being dramatic, you know, angela's just doing that thing. So so Francesca's like okay, fine, if that's the case, then I don't want to sell it anymore. Can you just give it back to me and we can figure out something? And she just like well, girl, now you know, baby, we can't, I can't really do that. It's already signed, it's already locked in my safe and it's going to stay there until this whole will thing is settled. So Francesca's like, okay, wow, and not so many words. She's like I see you, bitch, I see you. But she says something to the effect of okay, my eyes are wide open now I bet Okay, all right, girl. Well then, let me have a party. Can I have a party here? And she's like that'll be a wonderful, that's wonderful. I just want to have a party to thank all these people. Kind of like a going home party is what it sounds like.

Speaker 1:

She does indeed end up going to San Francisco for a romantic night with Richard, but it's sullied. She can't focus on anything. They're in the little matching pajamas, they're building a pillow fort on the floor, eating grapes really loudly and chicken and whatnot. And by this point. She's like dang, I've been solicited four or five times today. Richard, are you going to ask me to buy my land too? And he's like, well, I mean you know what I'm saying. Like, now that you mention it, I mean, yeah, I didn't want to do it. Now you know what I'm saying. Like I do want the land, don't get it wrong. But I want you and I want you to teach me all your ways and your how to make wine and we can have the biggest wine vineyard in all of California and Italy. She's just like disgusted, like my.

Speaker 1:

What happened to the good old days where people just wanted me for my body and now they want my leg? This is ridiculous. She's not having a good night. She wants to go home. I assume, richard though I'm like he really was on some Mrs Robinson type stuff he just, you know, I want an older woman, I want you. You're so hot because you also teach me all of your business acumen, and then that way I can kind of take over.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what his intentions are. I mean, obviously the land would be right up his alley. But two things can be true at once. Can he have the land and still really want her? Yeah, and I kind of think he does, because that dude was. He was gobsmacked when she walked into that I don't know, dinner, afternoon, tea, party, whatever it was. He was completely floored.

Speaker 1:

But that is irrelevant at this point because we have got to chitter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chit, chit about this party. Okay, let me, let's just start from the beginning. Now. You would think, after someone has just kind of revealed to you that they know that you're scheming, they don't really like the way you're doing business, it's kind of an odd request for them to say let's have a party. But you know what? She is from a different country. Maybe this is a normal custom. Maybe she this is just I'm trying to get an Angela space right now what would she be thinking? Okay, okay, this is just customary. This woman has amazing manners. Maybe she just wants to say goodbye to everyone. She'll just deal with the the dirtiness of this deal, go back home and things are going to be fine. That's what I'm assuming.

Speaker 1:

So it wasn't just a little light dinner party when angela, angela Channing, throws a party. It is a party, I'm talking. There is valet, mind you. Everybody is parked no less than seven feet from the door. But when you come to an Angela Channing party, baby, especially for her baby sister, we're gonna. We're gonna have the whole nine. We have people serving champagne.

Speaker 1:

I want you dressed to the nines, because in Falcon Crest it is a cardinal sin to show up to dinner in jeans. They are always dressed to the nines. They look like they're going out every single night, even if they're just going downstairs, which is a lot of pressure. But anyways, aunt Terry shows up and it's like the place is hopping. There's cars all along the driveway. Like I said, it is a seven foot max walk. But she drops her bright yellow lamborghini off and she tries to walk up the steps and when you know it, florida man is jumping out like a jack-in-the-box.

Speaker 1:

Every time this woman gets good and comfortable, once she lets herself relax a little bit, here you go. He jumped from behind the porch. Hey, she's like God, joel, what are you? You got to be kidding me. What are you doing here? Well, I'm your date for the night. She's like well, how do you know I don't already have a date? It's because I just saw your boyfriend Lance, come sit in there with a much younger date. At this point, if you can't beat him join him. So she's like all right, cool, just don't embarrass me. And also, as soon as this night is over, it's over, okay, remember, joel works there, so it's not completely out of the ordinary that he would be there, but it is a little bit weird that he would have been invited, unless they put, like, an invitation on the bulletin board.

Speaker 1:

I don't know how Angela does things. It doesn't matter, the house is full. That's what I'm trying to tell you. So they walk in and Terry decides she's going to be messy. She immediately spots Richard's stepdaughter and Lance and she bumps Lance's shoulder so that he spills champagne all over his Brooks brothers, brothers, brooks. And you can tell he's thinking oh, that's cute. She goes Lance, you're here with your little friend, are you? Are you on summer break from high school? And Lorene is like, uh, no, no, no. You know I'm actually in college, I'm actually working. I have this really high position at this company. You know, I'm earning money, I'm earning my degree, I'm earning college degree. What is it that you do? Again? What business are you in? Again, I was like okay, I found it's also worth noting that, uh, lance and joel, the crackhead from florida, are sniggling in the background like god, terry, you should have just just should have.

Speaker 1:

Just ate your food, just drink your juice and walk away. Also recently brokenhearted pam, aka Miss Lynch, is there and Richard comes sleuthing up behind her because the night before night previous Francesca has pretty much called it off with him. So he's like hey, what are you doing here? She goes, don't even start. You know, you introduced me to Francesca. I didn't make a scene, I kept it cute. This is why I'm here, which is really that's how you got to do it.

Speaker 1:

Terry should take a page from Pam's book. And also, I just thought about this Terry needs a staff. That's what's missing. You can't be that wealthy and not have someone answering your doors for you. She needs a cook. She needs, like a maid, some sort of personal assistant once she gets herself some business, but definitely, at the very least, she needs somebody opening doors and stuff for her, and a driver too. She don't understand these things, neither here nor there. So you got the whole bunch.

Speaker 1:

The manimal starts sniffing out the the nearest um expat. He walks over and he's like hey, pam, oh, looks like we both don't have a date. I'm like he so freaking sleazy. It's kind of a conundrum to have a really good looking person on a show who's kind of towing the line between being a villain and not. He's not really an anti-hero, I don't even know what you'd call him, he's just a lawyer with a little bit of a conscience and this weird fixation with horses. But he, you know he smells her accent or something. He's like hey, you look a little lonely, you want to hang out with me? She's like cool, sure, why not? Buddy Place is really starting to stack up. Lieberman shows up and he's all you know talking to Angie about Francesca, how lovely she is, and Angie's like oh yeah, she's been a real ride here, but it's.

Speaker 1:

I want to heavily, heavily emphasize the amount of sequins in this room. Pam is wearing sequins. I believe Maggie's wearing sequins I'll have to rewind it but she has on like a weird choker and her hair's all fluffed out. She looks like she could be in a rock video. If she had a little bit more eyeliner and a little bit more mask, um, eyeshadow on, she could be in a rock video. She had a little bit more eyeliner and a little bit more eyeshadow on, she could be in a rock video. Them shoulder pads are padding.

Speaker 1:

Everybody looks great, the young girl, if you're young and sexy. You got on something like red and slinky. Ie, terry and Melissa. I don't think Melissa's wearing red, it's not important, she's not fully in sequence, but there's enough sequence that it's kind of like you're catching the little glimmers off the light. It is super shiny.

Speaker 1:

Everyone is there. I mean, it is wall to wall. Everybody's just kind of. I'm thinking to myself there's no way she knew all these people. She literally couldn't have met all these people. But it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

She is there and I'm starting to wonder where is Francesca? Did she get them all there so that she could sneak in and steal the will? Actually, she didn't have time to sneak in and steal. It's not the will, excuse me, but this contract, because Spheeris and Lieberman have already done it. Remember that eagle or that? What is it? That bird, that falcon that is also recording conversations? That is like their afternoon activity, lieberman and Spheeris. They basically sit around and listen to what everybody's talking about for the evening and they figure out pretty quickly that she put that in the safe and they figure out that Francesca would very much need that. It would be very valuable to her if that contract were to disappear. So they made sure to steal it. But Angela doesn't seem to be any wiser about it at this moment. So everybody's like where is Francesca? Where is she? Where is the Italian it girl? No sooner than that you hear like a little jangling, a little ding, ding, ding, ding coming.

Speaker 1:

Francesca comes down the stairs in the aunties of auntie, moves, in a floor-length red, sequined dress, a mermaid dress. Actually it's not floor-length, because she we need to be able to see her shoes. She's got on red from head to toe, okay, and it is sequined and it is. It is a body con. She looks amazing, it's giving curves, it's giving body.

Speaker 1:

She shows up with a tambourine with all these little streamers on it and she's like hey, everybody gather around. She has scared up two bohos to play some music for her. And she's like I got a little dance for y'all. It's called the oh god don't say tarantula, tarantella, I'm assuming that's what she said. And she's like this is a dance from italy. This is how we used to scare off the tarantulas and scare away the poison. So she proceeds to ride a tat, tat and shimmy, shimmy, shangle this tambourine.

Speaker 1:

If she's, she's killing it like she's like you know whatever, and she's putting on such a show in all red that Lance gets hyper. He jumps in, he takes off his jacket, he starts dancing with her and he's just kind of letting the blood in his veins tell him what to do. His ancestors are guiding him and they are killing it. They are swindling and they're swinging and she's not bothered by him. She's got the string and she's yeah, shimmy, shimmy, shangle, shangle. Look at me, look at me, bingity, bang, bitty, bang, and everybody's just clapping and hooping and oh, and I really want her to say wrong country, a-holes, get it together. But there you know everybody's oh, my god, she's killing it. She's killing it. She put on a show, baby.

Speaker 1:

Now, meanwhile, angela is kind of sitting back about halfway through the dance. She's got her arms crossed, like Angela's tarantula sense, or her spidey sense, is tingling, like this is about to be some bull and she's not wrong. So, francesca, her and lance, and hoo ha, shimmy, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, until the last little bit of the dance and then everybody is clapping. It's a wonderful, it's a wonderful. She catches her breath very elegantly and she's like thank you, thank you. You, mofos, are the poison. All of y'all are the daggone tarantulas. You are the creepy crawlies that are getting underneath my skin. You are poison, you are disgusting and I can't stand none of you. And they're like damn. She pulled a Cecil Covey and made everybody show up to their own demise. Bravo, francesca. Bravo.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know what she was gonna do. I don't know where. I thought tarantula. I don't know. My mind in my mind, like tarantulas are scary and they're big and gross. I don't want them on me, but I thought they were pretty harmless. You know what I'm thinking. I didn't think they were poisonous, I didn't think. So I'm not gonna look it up because I don't really care to look at a screen full of spiders, but she wanted them to know. Every last one of y'all are getting under my skin. You're disgusting, poisonous. And I have this tap dance. The hell out of all of y'all. Who else wants them?

Speaker 1:

So then she goes to storm off and Lieberman can't read the freaking room. Everybody else has the the decency to be mortified and embarrassed, but not him. He's like hell, I didn't do nothing, I didn't actually ask her for the land. So he interrupts her epic storm off and as she's sauntering back up the stairs, he's like hey, hey, hey, hey, you need that land, come talk to me, come talk to me, come talk to me. And she's like, okay, okay, cool. And she goes upstairs and everybody else is like, oh my God, end scene.

Speaker 1:

It was amazing. That might be one of the best ways I've ever seen on television that somebody embarrasses a room full of people. It's one thing to embarrass two or three, but she made them clap for her. She made them, yeah, yeah, yeah, yay, yay. It's so amazing. Without even questioning why she she explained what the dance was before she started, but maybe they thought she just looked so beautiful in all this sequined red. She bought props and she bought a band and it was amazing. And she even had her little play nephew, jump in there and get embarrassed.

Speaker 1:

I hate all y'all. You're all disgusting. Bravo francesca. I don't know if that's the last we're gonna see her, but I certainly hope not. All right, guys, that's it. That's all for this exciting episode of so floor. Don't forget to leave us. Um, oh, I totally forgot, totally forgot to retain mail today. You can also check your show notes if you want to leave a message. That would be great. Rate and review what else we got going on In the meantime. In between time, take care of yourself. If you piss someone off and they offer to throw a party, please don't show up. You will be patty-tap-tap, danced all over and mortified in front of the entire town. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. Stay moisturized, stay hydrated, mind the business and keep all your drama on tv. Thank you, bye.