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S4 EP12 Dynasty : The Wedding - The "Something Borrowed ,Bride In Blue" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 242

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Imagine sitting at a lavish wedding where turkeys are adorned with fondant and roses, and the drama is as thick as the icing. As I sip on cough medicine, I explore the whirlwind world of Dynasty's Season 4, Episode 12, "The Wedding," a nostalgic trip that blends the old with the new. What can we learn from this classic soap opera's ability to recycle storylines and keep viewers engaged? Inspired by Austin Kleon's "Steal Like an Artist," we delve into how Dynasty maintains its gripping narrative, with characters like Blake, his children, and the ever-entangled exes continually evolving yet staying comfortably familiar.

Join me as we navigate the chaos of the Carrington wedding, from Alexis and Kirby's personal struggles to Claudia's unease at La Mirage, all under the watchful eye of Fallon, the wedding's master planner. The reception is nothing short of a spectacle, with cameo appearances and awkward celebrity impersonations that rival Penny Hardaway and Shaquille O'Neal's in Blue Chips. This episode is a reminder that the best drama belongs on our screens, offering an entertaining escape in the world of Dynasty, where predictability is part of the charm.

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Breaker 1-9,. Breaker 1-9,. This is Papa Bear calling in Testing. Testing 1, 2, 3.

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome and welcome back to Soap Floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet, viewing and reviewing the Sophia Stetson's primetime storyline of 1983. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside, or at a site, tell babe. No questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot, cool, quiet or kicked out are your only options, because we have a wedding to tend to. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is SoFlor. Hello, gorgeous, welcome and welcome back to another fun, fun edition of SoFlor. We're jumping back in the dynasty. I gotta admit, though, I was ready to just kind of bypass this. I'm not feeling the wedding, but I said, jet, you're being irrational. You're going to experience each and every one of these shows in their awfulness, in their realness good, bad, bubbly or indifferent. You're going to watch it from top to bottom. And I have to admit I didn't despise this episode of Dynasty as much as I thought I would. It is, of course, titled the Wedding. It did encourage a thought, though, so I want you to grab something bubbly or bright, kick your feet up and let's just kind of dissect Season 4, episode 12, dynasty the Wedding.

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Spending so many of my formative years around elderly people has taught me a couple of things. Number one a schedule is hard to break once it gets really, really comfortable. It's very difficult to stop doing things when they bring you joy and or comfort. Number two if you stick around long enough, everything comes back around. I'm starting to see it for the first time. The style of pants I adored in the sixth grade are somehow in vogue again. The same music that I listened to in the 90s that was a copy of stuff in the 70s is back around Generally 20 years.

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Give or take Same old, same old. Right. I didn't expect to see the same old, same old on a soap opera again. So it begs the question how soon is too soon on a repeat story? Apparently, on Dynasty, roughly 45 episodes, 45 to 50 episodes, and we can lather, rinse and repeat. But it's like that thing you get comfortable. It's hard to change things when they're comfortable or benefiting you in some way. No need to challenge the status quo. One thing is for certain Dynasty by season four has solidified itself. They know who the stars are, they know what the people want to see and they're giving it to us not giving it to us through any sort of complexities, it's kind of right the whole time. So this episode is basically about the wedding. There are a few caveats. Let's compare the old to the new.

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On the first wedding, crystal was Blake's former employee knew. On the first wedding, crystal was Blake's former employee. She was a secretary who had just quit her job. She was being celebrated by her co-workers. They were oohing and aahing over how wonderful and fabulous and amazing Blake Carrington was and they invited dozens and dozens of people to the wedding. He had one son who he didn't get along with. He had one daughter who was a wild one.

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There was an ex in the picture, crystals. No, it wasn't Crystals, it was Crystals' ex. But it was like an ex-lover, not an ex-husband, and they were poised to take over Denver as the second best oil company in all of the land. On season four, blake now has two sons. He forgot about the long loss when he popped up. Sonny couldn't stand. They now get along just fine. That wild hair of a daughter of his seemed to calm down, settle down. For the moment she's running a business instead of running through men in Europe. The exes are back Crystal's ex-husband and his ex-wife. The exes are back Crystal's ex-husband and his ex-wife and he still is, as far as we can tell, either number one or number two in all of Denver as far as oil companies go.

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There's this book out called Steal Like an Artist. It's written by this kid named Austin Kleon and it's basically a principle that like nothing is totally original. Be a good person, blah, blah, blah. Be boring. That's how things get done. Basically. He lays out a sort of a generic framework how to be a creative even when you're not feeling like. One of his more interesting thoughts is be boring. Can't be creative all the time, so set a routine.

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I would argue that in a creative position, such as a writer for a hit television show, the amount of pressure on your shoulder has to be immense, especially when the show is a smash hit. You can't very well steal just blatantly from other shows that are a competition per se, but you can borrow factors here and there, but the best place to steal, why not steal from your own past. It's not really stealing at that point. Right, you're just kind of elaborating on a previous thought. I changed my mind about halfway through this episode. I was ready to just be completely done with it. But Dynasty does what Dynasty does best. They're going to show up, they're going to talk you half to death through any plot holes in their story and they're going to be pretty.

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This episode did not disappoint where that is concerned. A little bit of the old, a little bit of the new, a little bit of what's comfortable, and we'll see what it do. Okay, the cough medicine is kicking in. I've got about 20 minutes, let's get this done. So what I left off on the last episode not that there was much to leave off, because it was really just basically that party there was a scene after Blake and Crystal announced their remarriage to each other at the carousel ball where you can see that Alexis was a little bit annoyed by the news.

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She's like, oh my God. She actually caught Crystal and Fallon in the bathroom and they were all sitting in front of the mirror so we, the audience, could drink in all their fabulous, fabulous, sequined gowns and big Zsa, zsa rings. Well, alexis is looking in the mirror. She sees crystals rings, she's like damn girl, what is that? Oh, you know what it is, alexis. And by the way, baby, you're not invited.

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Now, here we go with these old people habits the geriatrics taught me a good routine will keep you, keeps your day predictable, keeps your day going. You don't have to worry about anything running awry because you've done this for the last 50 years. Austin Cleon says be boring, it's how you get things done. But sometimes this routine will be your demise. Enter Alexis. Now she don't want Blake, she don't want anything to do with him. Her company is expanding, it's growing, she's gaining respect as a business woman. But what can she not let go of Blake and his happiness? She just can't let it be.

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So this episode, she's cooking up a scheme to make sure that she is going to interrupt this wedding one way or another. All of a sudden, she needs to talk to Blake. He and Crystal are doing something very confusing. I don't know if they're going on like a pre-honeymoon moon, pre-wedding honeymoon. They get on a plane which is not as nice as Dex Dexters, by the way, blake's has all this wood paneling, while Dex Dexters is sleek and chic. But now that I'm saying it out loud this is 1983. So maybe the wood paneling made him look a little richer, I don't know. Either way, dex's plane is nicer. He and Crystal are kind of running about. They're trying to get things in order before they spend their honeymoon in South America.

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Okay, now, through various just really boring impromptu schemes, alexis shows up to the office to talk to Blake hey, we need to talk about that art studio that I left, little Blake, I think we need to turn it into a playhouse. And Blake's like dang it. Alexis, don't you show up for my wedding day with no bull? I'm not playing with you. You better not show up with no truck. I see anybody there. I'm throwing them out on their ass or my security is going to drag them out by their hair. I'm not playing with you, don't play with me. Okay, okay, fine, so that doesn't work.

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She ends up giving Steven like over a thousand shares of her company for his birthday. She this, this is the day of the wedding. And she wants him to tell his father at the wedding. He's like mom, is that why you gave him to me early? My birthday's not for two weeks. She's like yeah, well, he goes, she goes. Well, what are we doing for your birthday? I want to throw you a party because you'll have to talk to claudia. Can it be the day before to the day after she's got a little something planned? Alexis is immediately offended, like well, she didn't call me it. Yeah, it's nothing personal, it's just it's gonna be a birthday slash, welcome back to the family, crystal slash. And she's like oh, okay, I see.

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So alexis ends up taking claudia out to lunch. They're barely eating their salad, but alexis shows up in all white and fur to remind the world that she is rich, rich. Okay, claudia, your party is basic and unimportant. Can't you just change the date? Claudia's like I absolutely will not. I need Steven and his daddy to be on one accord. I'm glad that they love each other, I'm glad that he loves you, but please stop bringing me into your-.

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None of Alexis' schemes are working. She has been calling Dexter this entire episode. He's not answering the phone. He's always very busy. So I'm thinking oh no, dex, please tell me you're not playing her. He's not playing her, he's just like working. He's not available. It's not the 2000s where you have a phone on you.

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So eventually he does show up and they end up making love in her office and once they're done, she's like, hey, let's get in to the precious metals or no, emerald, the emeralds and jewel business. Minerals, minerals that's what she said minerals, hey, yeah, let's get into the mineral business. Cool, I'll book us a flight to rio. Now that tickles dexter's ear because he knows, just like she knows, because it was in the paper, that Crystal and Blake are going to go to Rio for their honeymoon. So he's like, oh God, are you really this hung up on this guy that you can't even let him enjoy his day? You have to go down there and stalk him. Listen, I'm not sharing my woman with anybody. That's pretty much all that happens with Alexis this episode. She looks amazing. She does not get invited to the wedding, but she does formulate a plan to at least interrupt the honeymoon of Blake and Crystal Carrington.

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While Alexis's plans may have fallen through, it appears that Kirby has a very unusual plan. She and Jeff have fallen sick over some period of time right before the wedding, but he seems to have made a full recovery. She has not, although nobody else can really tell. She's not letting on on how sick she is. She and Jeff are both kind of grouchy for no real reason. He's annoyed at her, she's annoyed at him. They're still sleeping in the same bed. Doesn't this mansion have over 50 bedrooms? I can't understand why you don't just slip into one of the other ones. He can tell that there's something wrong, she just won't show it. So when he leaves the room she's doubled over in pain. She's sweating profusely throughout the entire episode. So I think she's trying to lose the baby, like she knows something's not going on, but she refuses to go to her point.

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Peter the Defibrillator does keep his appointments. He shows up at La Mirage to pick up Fallon for lunch or something, right? Well, claudia the Stallion is working and she sees him oh, hey, pete, how's it going Wonderful. And he's talking to her in that stupid accent and he's talking about how he has some people coming into town, some horse people, and he would really like to have a north-facing window or something. It's better for sketching. And Claudia being like the grateful little puppy she is, she goes oh, yeah, yeah, I'll take you into Fallon's office and we'll just leave her a note so that she knows to give them northern exposure when they show up. So she's bent over the desk and she's tooting that thing up because she is Claudia the stallion.

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Well, defibrillator can't hardly keep his hands to himself. He's watching her sway back and forth seductively. Now why she's riding with her butt I don't know, but she is. She's writing this note and it's like every stroke of the cursive, I guess she's swaying her hips. He gets in some sort of trance or something and he saunters over to her. Next thing she knows he's bumped up. He's like oh my Peter. And he's like, oh my gosh, you're very pretty, you're very beautiful, you're very attractive. And I'm thinking, god, I hope he continues. I wonder how many adjectives he can come up with. You're exquisite, you're divine, you're lovely, you're pleasant to look at, you're pleasing to the eye, you're appealing. Oh, the defibrillator.

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Anyway, she is freaked the F out, but he is none the wiser. He's just kind of pushing through, he's not blinking. And then this freak reaches up and he puts his da fingers through her hair. She's like what the da fu? Sir, please back up or I will expose you to fallon. He's like, well, you can do that, but I'll just deny it. I'm like, well, I mean, he's got you there. Fallon, of course, walks in not one minute later. And she's none the wiser because he just spins around. I guess it kind of pays to be creepy and standoffish and non-blinking, because that's just his resting heart rate, so he always looks like that. You never really look suspicious because you always look suspicious. Think about it. Plus, fallon is quite busy because she takes over the role that we originally met Joseph in.

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Do you remember on the very first episode, where they're making the wedding cakes and Fallon goes through and I think she eats the bride or something? Yeah, not this episode. Everyone's fussing over the details. Turkey and ham are being made, which I think is a horrible receptionist food, but whatever, there's deviled eggs. There's 8 million maids in the kitchen. Fallon comes through and she is a new majordomo. She is making sure that everything is running as efficiently as it should. She even looks at the little wedding topper and says something, I don't know, something ironic, I guess, showing the audience that, hey, she's not going to bite the head off. We're going to do this right this time. Well, they're going to do it again.

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Let's just say that this place is crawling with people. I mean, there's dozens of cars parked outside. It's standing room only in the entryway, in the foyer. Everyone's in the hall. The grand staircase is decked to the night. I mean it's covered in foliage and this coral flowers and just you name it, it is. There's clearly going to be a wedding that day.

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I'm not crazy about the ensembles. Crystal looks amazing. Crystal goes, instead of getting a white gown or a white business suit, she puts on this really beautiful baby blue skirt suit with a silk hat. It's all silk and it has these really elaborate leaves in the same color on her shoulders. I don't know if I'm describing it quite right. I guess it would be leaves, even though they made me think of flowers. So petals. Why don't we, why don't we settle on that word? With these beautiful silk petals on her shoulder and she's wearing a silk hat that matches, but it looks like the flower is a flying star. There's a slice of her hat so you can see like half of the flower on the outside of the hat and the other half of the flower is like cradling her face. It's so dope, it is so beautiful.

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But let me tell you about this entrance. So instead of walking down the aisle, having one of the boys walk her down the aisle or Jeff? You know, jeff is family but not quite a son what the Carrington's decide to do is have all their guests come in and they're greeted and whatnot, and then they're going to usher them off into the actual room where the ceremony takes place, which is much, much smaller. By my calculation, they had to cut the guest list in half in order to get these people into this room, because it went from being like 100 people to like 40. So all the guests are waiting inside. Let's just use the word chapel for the sake of this argument. All the guests are waiting in the chapel and it is nothing but close family waiting in the foyer and at the foot of the stairs they're going to wait for Crystal to arrive.

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So it is Fallon who looks like she robbed my girl, loretta Lynn. I love me some, loretta Lynn. She looks like she robbed her and bedazzled an outfit. She's wearing this hideous coral fringe yes, I said coral and fringe in the same breath Silver fringe. At that outfit she looked like she got in a fist fight with a poodle. She looks deranged, demented. She looks crazy. She's in coral with shimmy, shimmy cocoa puff type slashes all over it. Steven and adam are in a black tux. They look exactly like blake. They look wonderful.

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Claudia came in just a neutral number. It is flesh colored, it's lace. She looks great. Who else is waiting? Oh, kirby and jeff are waiting.

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Of course kirby is in a maternity suit. It's like a dark color, but you can tell she don't feel good. She's fighting through it, she's powering through it, but she's not feeling great. So they're all at the foot of the stairs and crystal comes marching out holding her bouquet and her little blue dress outfit. I'm thinking what? Why do you need to walk down the staircase aisle? So she walks down the stairs. It's all very, very dramatic. It's all very reminiscent of when Stephen came home with his brand new face and he got to meet the baby for the first time. It feels very much like that. So I'm assuming this is Dynasty staple. There has to be a moment every season where someone comes down the the stairs in a dramatic fashion. She comes down and you know she's fighting back tears, looking into Blake's eyes, and then he walks her into the chapel. They're married. It's blah, blah, blah.

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Only other little tidbit I felt like worth showing there's two is when all the guests first arrive. Kirby is, of course, trying to talk to everyone, but you can tell she's getting overwhelmed. So she escapes into the library where, shortly thereafter, adam runs in there. So Adam runs in and he's like listen, please don't let Jeff be my baby's daddy. I want to be my baby's daddy and I'm willing to expose you Like I'm a lawyer. I'm not in the mood for this crap. I want to raise that kid. She goes relax. Weirdo. Jeff and I are getting a divorce, so you don't even have to sue me, don't even worry about it. It won't be a Colby, it won't be a Carrington. He's going to have my name. And Adam's like oh my god, that's great cool. So y'all are breaking up. You want to marry me instead. She's like no, that's not at all what I said. He looks. He looks like he's off his meds. That's what he looks like.

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Also, right after the wedding, everybody is just, you know, at the reception they're eating. They're not eating turkey, they're not eating any of the food. One of the turkeys is like wearing a fondant case. Is that a thing? I'll describe it better at another time, but it's like. They're like they decorated the turkey with roses, but it looks like they dipped in fondant and put the roses on it. I don't know if I don't know if it was in a holder. It was very strange, but very rich, I'm assuming. Anyway, everybody's standing around getting food and things and Claudia is staring in a way. She's just kind of standing in a way where she can see the defibrillator in front of her with Fallon and creepy Peter is rubbing Fallon and Creepy Peter is rubbing Fallon in this really seductive way. It's like really gross and he's coming on to Claudia in that way, so she's just rolling her eyes like God bless.

Speaker 1:

I've lived in an insane asylum for months on end and I've never been more creeped out than I am right now. Luckily there's a much nicer Peter at the party. So you got Peter the pervert and Peter the pianist. The pianist Peter seems to be famous. What's his name? Peter Duchin, duchin, duchin. I figured he was famous because like they go over and they talk to him.

Speaker 1:

It felt just like it did at the Carousel Ball, like they're stopping people and you can always tell when someone is a guest star, because they're never good actors. Even people playing themselves Dare. I say it most of the time. When people play themselves they kind of suck at it. Do y'all remember that movie back in the day, blue Chips, when it had like Penny Hardaway and I think Shaquille O'Neal was, in it, terrible. They were basically playing themselves Horrible acting.

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Peter had four and a half words to say and he damn near tripped over all of them. Okay, guys, I think this is a great place to stop. That's it. That's all for this episode of Dynasty. I left a couple of tiny little things out, but I'm sure we'll be talking about that first thing the next time we discuss Dynasty. In the meantime, in between time, don't ever let something like not being invited. Stop your devious plans. Rack up your frequent flyer miles. If they won't invite you to the wedding, you make sure you ruin that honeymoon. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, stay out of fringe and coral and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you.