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Soaplore
Ever wondered what you missed out on before the golden age of streaming? Welcome to Soaplore, the podcast where we dive headfirst into the wonderfully over-the-top world of vintage soap operas from the 80s and 90s. I’m Jett, a TV-loving Millennial who’s finally escaping the monotony of modern shows and embracing the drama, the shoulder pads, and the catfights of yesteryear.
Join me as I experience the soapy sagas of "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Falcon Crest," and "Knots Landing" for the first time, episode by episode. With over 200 shows, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably question our life choices—just like the characters do, but with slightly less fabulous wardrobes.
Whether you’re a Xillenial who grew up with these iconic series, a Millennial like me who missed out the first time around, or a new fan discovering the glorious chaos of primetime soaps, "Soaplore" is your time machine to the melodramatic past. Tune in, relive the magic, and let’s marvel together at how people ever survived without binge-watching.
Pour yourself a glass of something strong, because, trust me, you’ll need it. This isn’t just nostalgia; this is Soaplore—where every episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, and nothing is ever as it seems.
Soaplore
S2 EP18 Knots Landing - Squeeze Play: The "Microwave Dreams and Cliffhanger Schemes" Episode
Welcome back Soap Fiends!!
What if the pursuit of quick financial success was akin to the hollow satisfaction of a microwave meal? This tantalizing question sets the stage for our latest episode of Soap Lore, as we journey through the captivating season finale of Knots Landing's second season. As your host Jett, I invite you to explore the intricate soap opera storytelling that defines iconic series like Knots Landing, Dynasty, and Falcon Crest. With a nostalgic nod to the 1950s, we celebrate the charm of retro living and how it mirrors the evolution of convenience post-World War II, drawing clever parallels between cultural shifts and the tangled lives of our beloved characters.
The dramatic tension reaches new heights with Abby's missing children, Karen's investigation into suspicious dealership dealings, and a breathtaking car crash that leaves everyone on a literal cliffhanger. Amidst the chaos, we witness how Gary's shady business ventures and the looming threat of FBI scrutiny serve as a metaphor for the pitfalls of seeking instant rewards. Through laughter and suspense, we navigate these thrilling plotlines, uncovering how characters like Karen and Valene find empowerment and clarity in a world brimming with moral ambiguity.
As we bid farewell to Knots Landing's second season, we take a moment to reflect on its memorable moments and offer practical advice for staying safe in both life and soap opera scandals. From avoiding dubious dealings to ensuring your karma remains a TV-only affair, this episode wraps up with humor and intrigue, leaving you eager for the stories yet to unfold. Join us for an engaging recap that celebrates the multifaceted narratives of this beloved series, keeping you entertained and on the edge of your seat until next season.
I am observant when I tell you I saw at least two pieces of his yeeks on this them. Shorts are short, short short. They won't show a toilet on TV, but I definitely saw the top half or the bottom half of his. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap Lord, the official gathering place where newbies, novices and og diehard fans of the golden age of prime time. I'm your host, chet, viewing and reviewing the season finale of season two, not landing. So, whether you're good at this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell them no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot. Cool, quiet or kicked out are your only options, because we have to keep the bottom of the finale. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Sophia. What's up party people? Welcome or welcome back to another fun film edition episode. I cannot believe it, guys. We are. We are 31 episodes into knots landing and I have to say it is quite the little dance to want to be kept in the dark but also want to participate in the fandom of these shows, and I must say that I have yet to hear anything fully negative about Nostlanding. Apparently it only gets better and better as time goes on, seems like across the board the middle of each dynasty quote-unquote is the best part of it. You know, seasons five, six or whatever. I've heard from the Falcon Fiends that they feel like episodes. Seasons three and four or two and three are the best. I'm not upset with season four, with Dynasty. I've heard across the board that it starts to fall off around season five, six, depending on who you ask a board that it starts to fall off around season five, six, depending on who you ask. And as far as Dallas and Notts Landing go, I've never heard anything fully, fully negative about that. So, with all that being said, if seasons one or two are the boring seasons, I cannot wait to see what else is in store, because I have yet to not be entertained throughout this entire season. We are here at the finale. This is looks like it aired in 1981. Season to episode 18 squeeze play. The squeeze play sounds like somebody's trying to get a little bit of money from you and this episode did not disappoint.
Speaker 1:If you've been listening for a while, you know that my Roman empire is cost of living up a go. I love when people say you know, this is how much a house cost in 1940 or 1840. I don't really care when, as long as it was in the past. I just love to see and imagine like what you could buy with very little money.
Speaker 1:Recently I've been kind of inundated with these videos of women who live like it's 1950, but they're in the year 2024. They make their own clothes. They have turned their homes into these sort of retro museums. They try to cook the same recipes. I am all here for that because it's just such a fun little taste of the past. Sadly, as millennial, I think one of the things you need to remember is or Gen X, whoever is that the people who were your grandparents or, if they're still alive, you know, they're probably up there in age. We don't really know a lot about how they lived. Yes, I've seen Life Magazine. I've seen a couple of things, but it's so fun for me to watch that and kind of understand how we got to where we are today. These women got tired of these from scratch recipes. It was. You know, lots of things were sold to you as quick and easy and let's just do this and then I'll think about where we are today. Well, I see a lot of women kind of falling back, women and men falling back on that. Let's grow our own food, let's produce our own thing.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite videos is this kitchen from 1949 through circa like 1955. And the kitchen is designed in a way that everything you need is built into the counters. I'm talking there's like this little spindle that you put your blender on. That also works as like a meat cutting center. It's just. Everything is sort of all inclusive. It's all packed away. Someone engineered this to perfection. They thought of every single thing. And my most favorite thing is seeing people who still own these kitchens today.
Speaker 1:A lot of people remodel their kitchens in the, you know, 70s and 80s to change the way things look. But I always love to walk into an older house and they have, like, the radio still on the wall and the heater still on the wall. I think it's so cool. Or those bathrooms that are tiled out in the exact same color toilet, shower, sink. Everything is pink, green, brown or blue or yellow. I love it so much. This episode reminds me of that perfectly engineered kitchen. Some of the storylines from earlier on have floated to the surface and we are dealing with the consequences of those actions. Go ahead and pour yourself something bubbly and bright. We're going to just kind of hit the high notes on this one and we are left with a literal, literal cliffhanger. Season two, episode 18, knott's Landing squeeze play.
Speaker 1:I can remember being a kid in the 90s and watching all the commercials that led me to believe that a healthy breakfast consisted of a bowl of cereal, some toast, some orange juice, some milk and maybe a little bit of protein. Usually not, and if you couldn't get your fruit in for the day, our parents gave us fruit roll-ups. Because I grew up around so many geriatrics, that wasn't always the case for me. Up around so many geriatrics, that wasn't always the case for me. My parents limited us to like one soda a day, which is so funny, where, depending where you live, some people call it pops, some people call it soda, we call it soda. You can have one soda a day to chase with a lot of water, but we would drink the little high sea pouches, the little Kool-Aid pouches, the Capri Sun pouches, all those things. And the truth of the matter, they were just quick and convenient and they had a better shelf life Now, not to nerd out, I promise we're going to get to Knott's Landing, but because I'm so obsessed with time of ago, I just like to understand how people got to where we are.
Speaker 1:I've watched the Food that Built America highly recommend that on the Amazon and it talks about, right after World War II, how you just needed things to be a little bit more convenient. They needed to feed the GIs really quickly. That's how we got to slice cheese, kind of processed cheese, sliced bread. All those sort of things were around, but they became more common during this time because you're feeding the masses. And then, of course, once the boomers hit just kidding, they wanted to keep that momentum going with this new generation who were marrying, having kids like jackrabbits. Let's feed them quickly. Let's not spend all of our time in the kitchen. Let's entertain, let's turn our life, let's romanticize our life, basically. So you went from slaving on a farm all day to gather enough food to having food readily made in different departments, frozen fresh etc. At your local grocers, and that just eliminated a lot of time. It's easy to see that food went through that. But if you think about it with clothing too, you stop making all of your own clothes circa, I'd say, through the 60s. People made their clothes by and large, but after a while everything went to the department stores. You can buy your own clothing and now very few people make their own clothes today.
Speaker 1:As I'm watching this episode of Knott's Landing, it made me realize a couple of things. First and foremost, gary's rise to success, although peppered with temptation, it was one part, his own kind of tenacity, his own kind of zig-a-zig-a. And number two, it was his ability to understand that there is a way to make cash quickly. You don't have to wait to sell a car in a recession when people aren't buying cars, so of course they're not going to be doing that. But he found a way to make quick cash microwave cash, if you will, frozen meals. He found the frozen meals of money and made it work. He found the frozen meals of money and made it work. The problem with anything that is instant and microwavable, if you will, is that there's always kind of a downside You're not actually getting the thing you really want. You're getting sort of this nutrient lacking version of success.
Speaker 1:The writers of this show did their thug fizzle. They planted the seeds early on in the season, early enough to almost where you thought everything was Gucci and golden and kind of moved on from that. Seems like they dodged a bullet. They gave a suspense, but in this last episode everything comes to a head. At the beginning of this episode, gary is sitting at a restaurant and he's sitting with those two mafioso types. You remember the ones he beat down in church shoes, or the ones that the stunt double beat down in church shoes? They're back at it. If you recall, JR had given him $50,000 to pay them off to sell the stolen parts. Seems like he did a good job. We know this because on the last episode, where he was sitting in the car with Abby, he pretty much gave this dialogue, letting us know that he'd already paid JRR back. Everything was settled, that's it, that's all.
Speaker 1:So I'm thinking okay, that's not going to be the thing. You know what I thought the twist was going to be On thing. You know what I thought the twist was going to be On the last episode? Abby comes in with this trademark paperwork and she puts it on the desk of Gary, assuming that he's going to be kind of down to help sit out. Wink, wink, but he's not. And he tries to give her back the papers, but she just walks off like she's disgusted by him, like gross you won't help me, lie to my brother, forget you. So she leaves. So I'm fully expecting this episode for that to come back and bite him in the butt. I thought Sid would come in his office for one thing or another and see the paperwork, but he doesn't.
Speaker 1:What happens instead is that at the beginning of the episode he's sitting with those mafioso types those two because the FBI is questioning all of the local dealerships about these random parts. There's a sting, apparently, for stolen parts, and of course Gary is part of it. But Sid is none the wiser. Gary is so upset by this information that he can't even eat lunch. Now, unbeknownst to him, karen Valene and Laura are at another table celebrating Laura's success. She keeps the lavender outfit. She keeps the million-dollar property.
Speaker 1:Charlene and Laura are at another table celebrating Laura's success. She keeps the lavender outfit, she keeps the million dollar property. She is making her money and she decided to treat her girls to a day of day drinking. So they've gotten hopped up on champagne. They're about to get in a car or a cab. I'm assuming they're getting in a cab.
Speaker 1:We're going to pretend they're being responsible and they stumble over to the table and they see Gary. So Karen covers his eyes and she's all teasing him. Who's buying your lunch? Gary is. He's already kind of an awkward person, if we're just going to be honest. He's not the smoothest, he's not the most charming, he's not the most charismatic, he's not the most conversational person. You just have to like Gary. For Gary it helps that Valene softens a blow.
Speaker 1:But the two mafioso types introduce themselves to all three of the ladies. Gary slowly introduces the ladies, including Valene, and they, the women, are intuitive, so they pick up on the fact that this is a very serious conversation. They back up, back up, because they know it's on. They get in their car and they leave. Gary is sitting there sweating bullets, like what if the FBI start asking me questions? What the heck am I going to do? You don't want to worry about it. They're not looking for you, they're looking for us. Don't worry about it. Everything is going to be fine Famous last words. So, fiends, I'd be remiss if I didn't say this. It is not my common practice to blame one person for another person's action. I don't generally believe in that. However, I'd be a fool to not recognize that sometimes you can be influenced by other people and I would like the record to reflect that.
Speaker 1:When Gary Ewing decided to take this hirsch money from his corrupt brother, when Gary Ewing decided to take this hirsch money from his corrupt brother, he did so with the help of one, abby Cunningham. You see, abby runs the book. She keeps all the books at the dealership. So in order to wash this money, he would have needed some assistance. Hold that thought, okay.
Speaker 1:So after the luncheon later on that evening, over at the Farragate's, sid is making what. I'm not even an ice cream person, but these are the most delicious looking banana splits I've ever seen. He's making banana splits. He's got like the hot chocolate on the stove. He's doing it up real big. But Karen, in duress, she's like Abby, are you sure you haven't heard from Jeff, are you? Here's the tea.
Speaker 1:Abby's kids were supposed to go over, uh, to Jeff's for the weekend. Right, karen and Valene saw the Ninja Turtle man, filled to the brim with just a year's worth of clothing. There was a little secret spot that I left out. There was a moment where Jeff told Brian who he doesn't know his name. Brian is his son, brian, he calls him Ben, and he's like, uh, yeah, I think we could live out there. He insinuates that they could live out in the floors and it would be this magical, wonderful thing. He only tells the baby and he tells him don't tell nobody. So he does fast forward to that evening with banana split evening.
Speaker 1:Karen's got her head in her hand. She's like Abby, are you please call somebody? What? Where is it? Have you called? You've called everywhere. Abby has called Big Ben, big, this Big that she's called everywhere within the California mountain regions where people generally go camping. And or Big Bear excuse me, big Ben's not in California, right, I think it's Big Bear. No, nowhere, they can't be found, at least not there, at least not there.
Speaker 1:So Karen is just right about on the edge of vomiting. She's so sick to her stomach because Jeff is one day late dropping the children off. Now, to me that seems like a big deal If you're a full day late. A couple hours is one thing, even you know, an afternoon is one thing, but it's a full day and no one's been able to get a hold of you. So Karen's like Abby, you're really starting to piss me off. You're not taking this serious enough. Why don't you take off tomorrow and go ask his mom, go to his job, go find out. Just make sure everything is cool, because you know, truth be told, they could be on the side of a mountain, somewhere hurt or anything could have happened. You just kind of need to trace this guy down, see if anyone knows where he went. Abby agrees. It's like yeah, don't worry about not coming in, karen can fill in for you. This is the privilege wink wink of being a jobless woman on this show.
Speaker 1:So, sure enough, karen goes in the next day and she's overrun by the phone call. She don't know what's going on. Really she hadn't filled in for anybody in a long time. But there's this one particular customer who's very insistent. So she goes out to the floor where Gary is talking to this gentleman and she's like Gary, I need to look at the books for Mr Blah, blah, blah. And Gary's like oh, I don't do the books. Abby does the books. She goes, I know, I know, but can you just, can you help me out? And he's like well, I mean, just wait till she's back and she goes. Well, can't you just open the safe Now?
Speaker 1:I was thinking she's being a little bit pushy. I'm not going to change on that. She's being a little bit too pushy, especially in front of a customer. Obviously he's not going to give you the code in front of a customer, but she kind of catches herself and at this point she's suspicious. This is a little plot hole for me, because I do not think that that conversation would have evoked that emotion, especially if you know Gary doesn't do the books. Why would he happen to know who Mr blah blah blah is? There's a million people.
Speaker 1:So she starts to get this little, her spidey sense starts tingling again and before you know it she starts thinking that's a very dangerous thing for a smart woman to do. She starts sitting and she starts thinking and she's like a little later on she says Sid, do you ever look at your own books? No, I don't look at my own books. I'm making all this money ever since Val and excuse me, ever since Gary and Abby joined the dealership. I'm just making money hand over fist. And she's like I know, but like where are you making? Are you selling more cars? Are you selling more service? Like where's the money coming from? And he's just, he's back to being super aloof.
Speaker 1:So eventually she reaches out to Richard because she feels like something is off. She already don't trust Abby and now she knows that Gary has cheated. So she's like I'm looking at him out the side of my eye too. So she reaches out to Laura, who sets her up with Richard and she's like Richard, I need you to help me with something illegal. What would people do if they're doing this illegal thing? He and Karen end up breaking into quote-unquote the dealership after dark and they start going over the books. She gets the safe information from Sid, I believe and they start going over the books. Well, while they're doing their dirt, laura calls the house and says like no, you know, karen's not here. She went to this erotic art display with Richard Not weird to him at all and Karen's I mean Laura's like oh, that's so funny because Richard told me that they were going to break into your office. And now the look on Sid's face is like oh shit. So he goes to his office. Sure enough, they've broken in and they have to deduce that the books are funny. The books are looking real weird and they need to get to the bottom of it. So he calls Gary.
Speaker 1:Gary Ewing, not to be outdone, is in bed or about to get in bed in those little bitty baby blue shorts. I'm not a pervert. Let me just say that I am observant when I tell you I saw at least two pieces of his yeeks on this them shorts are short, short, short. They won't show a toilet on tv, but I definitely saw the top half or the bottom half of his butt cheeks. He's, you know, flexing in the bed like oh Val, I don't know what's wrong. Don't ask me any questions. I don't even remember what they were talking about. Yes, I was distracted. He gets a phone call, say it is like yo be in my house in 20 minutes. So he shows up. So does abby. Now gary, be that as it's made, he's on his rise. We don't know if he's on his villain arc or whatever, or if he's just on an arc of power. Power isn't always pretty, power isn't always linear and certainly isn't considerate of all those around them, but he confesses everything.
Speaker 1:I met these mafioso types. I said no. I said yes at first and then I said no. Then they were going to kill me and take my kneecaps. But my brother, jr, loaned me $50,000 so that I could buy this stuff and sell it on the black market. So that's what I did, but I didn't keep the money. I put it back into the business and so it's like oh my God, I can't believe you did that. And Karen's disappointed, but she's also like okay, I totally get that. You didn't steal, you weren't being greedy. But Val was disgusted because he did this secret business behind her back with her arch nemesis, jr. Well too.
Speaker 1:So Abby shows up in her robe and everything is explained. You know the jig is up, abby. She's like well, what are you talking about? I had no idea, sid.
Speaker 1:Gary did this all on his own in his face two seconds ago, two, one episode ago. She was trying to get in his drawers. She's asking JR, hook me up with your brother, hook me up with your brother, I'm trying to do this thing, this and the third. But the minute it got hot, she was like I don't know anything about that. He did it on his own. He's a liar. He did it on his own. I would never do that. Karen is like please, please, stop with the theatrics. You know your sister is trifling. He don't want to hear it. Sid don't want to hear it. It had to be all. Gary, listen, anyone with half a brain cell can tell Gary.
Speaker 1:Ewing is not what you would call a mastermind. He is not an orchestrator, he is not. I'm not saying he's dumb, but I'm saying there's a reason he's in his drawers 90% of the time and why his clothes are painted on. We need you to look at the body and not the mind. Abby, on the other hand, has brains and boobs and big blonde hair, so she continues to paint this picture. No, it totally wasn't me. It wasn't me at all. And before you know it you can tell there's a new piece of tension born on this theory. Karen can't stand Abby. Now she knows Abby is a mother-loving liar, but they'll have to worry about that later, because you know what the feds are building a case, and we all know the feds very rarely.
Speaker 1:Before we move too far forward, we need to go back. Just a taste. Karen, in her kitchen, with her head in her hand, is pleading for Abby to do something. Abby, take a day off. Go visit his mom, go to his job, figure out where the heck he's at. Abby does that very thing. Apparently. She finds out at his job that he's taking an indefinite leave of absence. She goes to his mother's art studio. His mother is a very lovely older woman who was teaching an art class and she explains the whole situation.
Speaker 1:The kids are missing. Haven't seen Jeff? I can't. I wouldn't worry if I could get a hold of him, but I just can't get a hold of him. Have you seen him? Do you know where he's at? She's like darling. No, I thought I was losing a son when he married you. However, I have heard very little from him since he divorced you. Darling, I assure you the children are fine, they're going to be fine. They're probably on their way home now. They're probably at your home right now. Abby's like okay, so let me just let him know. Please, please, if you hear from him, would you let me know? Of course, darling, of course darling. You gotta watch that mid-atlantic accent. I know I didn't do it perfectly, but oh well, whatever. Born in the 80s, what I'm supposed to do? The mother, once Abby leaves, reaches into her frock and retrieves a letter and she reads it, but we don't know what the letter says. I'm assuming it's from Jeff, saying hey, if Abby comes by, don't tell her I'm at the third tree from the left.
Speaker 1:So Abby spends a great deal of this episode, kind of what's the word? She's growing more and more concerned and she's trying to kind of tamper it down. So you learn a little bit about her personality. She's not one to overreact, she's not one to act out. She's not one to act out. She's not one to acknowledge anything. We saw that wide open. I can't believe.
Speaker 1:She told a bold face, lie in front of God and everybody and Gary and Sid, knowing damn well she's the one who orchestrated those numbers. But she's like who? Me, who? Who said that? Not me. But at her own home she's drinking champagne, she's trying to clean, she's trying to do things to keep her mind off the fact that her children are a full day late, never mind the fact that Jeff has been sprinkling glues since that whole episode where he threatened to take them. But she's, she's just not fully aware of it. So let's get on, and gary, then we'll get back to her understand that she's under duress, but she's not showing it to anyone else throughout the rest of the episode.
Speaker 1:So sid tells gary the only way to to remedy all this is you have to call the fbi, them yourself and and just let them know what's up. And he does, and the FBI, like the mafioso said at the beginning of the episode. They're not really interested in Gary, like, okay, I mean, yeah, you did something, but ultimately it was a sale or whatever. We'd rather take down this whole operation than put you in jail. It's not going to do us any good to put you in jail. So they all come up with this very clever scheme where Sid volunteers himself and Gary volunteers himself and they are going to seduce the mafioso types into yet another deal. Hey, you got us all these great stolen parts. You think you can I don't know up the ante and get us a stolen car? And the mafioso types are like, yeah, because we're not suspicious about anything. It's not like we're doing illegal business, so anything you want, yeah, the customer's always right or whatever.
Speaker 1:Before we end the episode, sid becomes sort of chummy with the FBI guy. It's worth noting that this is the guy who Karen walked up on Gary with. Gary was talking to the FBI. You just didn't know who it was. You thought it was like a customer, but he's the FBI guy was talking to the FBI. You just didn't know who it was. You thought it was like a customer, but he's the FBI guy.
Speaker 1:And, um, they come up with this plan and suddenly Knott's Landing goes from being a drama with a little bit of soap to a full-on cop show. I'm gonna use the word Cagney and Lace even though I've never seen the show, but I do know Dear David's Soul is in that, if I recall right, and they come up with this whole thing like, hey, give us two stolen cars, we'll sell them, we'll give you the cash. And the whole plan is that once the dudes take the cash, gary and Sid are going to take the cars for a little spin, wink, wink and the cops are going to come in. Well, this goes off without a hitch. However, there's this dark character that is looming the entire episode. So the same guy that Karen is getting on the phone with customer. Let's just call him Watson.
Speaker 1:Mr Watson wants to know what's wrong with his car. I need my car back. What's wrong? What y'all taking too long. I need my money, I need my car. Blah, blah, blah. She goes to Gary. Gary, I need to get in the safe because Mr Watson is acting a teetotal fool. He's like I can't do it. Well, there's a mechanic that talks to Sid about this car, and I feel like they did it the last episode too. They're going on and on about this one particular car. So you see, this one mechanic keep hearing this little weird sound, but I can't find it. Well, sid's like don't worry about it, I'm an expert, I'll jump in the car and I'll just drive it home.
Speaker 1:So, through a series of events, sid is scheduled to leave a little bit earlier than he normally would, because Karen calls and I can't really remember the situation. Oh, no, no, no, I know what it is. Okay, now we need to flashback. So back to Abby. So the cops are hanging around no, no, no, no, I know it is Okay, now we need to flashback. So back to Abby. So the cops are hanging around. No, no, no, yes, they didn't want to offer that out of hitch right, the whole sting operation works out and after that, as an effect, the feds are hanging around the cul-de-sac and they're opening all of the neighbor's mails because they're like you're messing with the mob. There's a high potential of something going awry, all right.
Speaker 1:So Karen calls because Abby had called her and what had happened was Abby was at her house minding her own business and one of the do-gooder cops comes in and he's like I opened her package. It wasn't a bomb, but it was like a tape. She goes oh cool, put the tape in. She's, she's a great hostess, she does. There is no such thing as not being welcome in her house. She's like okay, I'll make us some coffee. Blah, blah, blah. Go ahead and put the tape on. Lord, have mercy when I say I had to learn her name is Donna Mills. Have some acting chops.
Speaker 1:Because as soon as the tape she hears Jeff's voice and he's like Abby, if you're hearing this, then the children and I are long gone and you just see her whole world stop. I'm a mom. I felt it in my soul Like, oh my God, I knew the kids were kidnapped. Karen and I knew about this. We talked about this over breakfast. Abby didn't want to believe it, but she hears it and she breaks the f down when I tell you that was the most authentic cry, because you know, in movies they often just make women scream and faint like it was a. She was trying to catch her breath. It was beautiful. I implore you so, fiends, to watch this. You're gonna enjoy it. She breaks the f down and she's like not my babies, not my babies, not my baby. So turns out she calls Karen or whatever. The doctor comes by, they give her a sedative, she's gonna be knocked out for six hours.
Speaker 1:Sid hears this, he's like well, I'm gonna drive, I'm gonna drive Mr Watson's car home and the FBI guy is gonna come with me. Now there's this dark character who's been lurking in the background. I wasn't really paying attention, but once the guy hears Sid's going to go home early, he goes over the brakes and he does a little snip, a little nip-tuck, if you will, and a little brake flute starts flowing out. It's like, oh crap, he's a mafioso type, which goes to show how easy it was to get a job in the 70s and 80s. You don't need a real ID. I am whoever. That wasn't even a background check.
Speaker 1:Y'all see it drums and what I understand to be. From what's that Burt Reynolds movie Bandit and whatever. To be what they would call a big old white rapper, plain white, unmarked car car jumps in the car and he's going down the coastline chatting, chatter, chit-chat with the FBI agent and it goes to hit the brakes. And when I tell you, absolutely nothing happens, he's like, oh my God, the brakes are cut. The brakes are cut. Now, mind you, there are surfers crossing the road, there's beachgoers trying to mind their own business. Maybe they are hitting the dust quicker than you can count to one, two, three. They're flying left and right, left and right. Luckily he don't hit none of them, but he's swerving, swerving, swerving, trying to hit a sandbank. Only he misses and the last thing we see is Sid and his turtleneck and his coveralls and the FBI agent and the big old white rapper going over the side of a cliff.
Speaker 1:Quite literally a cliffhanger. I'm sorry, I got a little passion there, got a little impassioned there, baby, I love it, I love it. The only other cliffhanger literal cliffhanger is when remember Blake and well, the stunt doubles on Dynasty, because you know how they feel about that were fist fighting themselves at the end of season two when Toscani blew up the whole operation. Yeah, I think this is 10 times better. He's in an actual car flying off the side of a cliff. Oh my god, ladies and gentlemen, to quote the Lizzie McGuire movie, which I might've been a little too old to be watching, honestly, this is what dreams are made of. Hey now, hey now. I might've been babysitting when I saw that, but I love that show regardless. Dude, this is how you end a season.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to call it a sleeper, but I think they perfectly peppered all of the storylines in there in a way that it didn't seem colluded, it didn't seem like they were just kind of drawing from nowhere Baby. Oh my God, I didn't see it coming. I didn't see the mafioso plant coming. I think that is brilliant. Of course they would have spies. Of course they would have people kind of keeping an eye on things just to make sure everything is Gucci and golden. Probably not when Gary bought the parts, but once they knew the FBI was involved, they wanted to make sure these people weren't ratting. This was genius.
Speaker 1:Oh, we have so much to discuss and quite frankly, I'm not gonna wait to jump into season three because now I need to know. I mean, he clearly flew off of a cliff. He clearly flew off of a freaking cliff with the FBI guy we all know. Can we take a little bet here, not you OGs, but us newbies? Fbi guy's dead right, you know he is. There's no chance in hell he survived that that crash, even if it was a sand dune, even it was, whatever. Luckily all this happened in broad daylight, so they should be able to have the ambulance getting to them ASAP. But oh my gosh, I am drawing a little bit of a blank Now it's coming to me.
Speaker 1:The end of the first season was Gary's whole drunkenness. So I mean, that's a different tone. This was exciting. Oh man, dude, I'm pumped. I'm so pumped right now. By my calculations, this episode should air on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. Dude, what a way to end season two. Nance Landing is paying dividends. Oh my God, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:And the other development, abby, is shameless. We already knew she was undraggable, but y'all, bold face. I had nothing to do with that. That was all, gary.
Speaker 1:What and this is the part that kind of irritates me, karen is one thing Karen's always going to say the truth and it's always going to be a little bit of opposition because that's the sister-in-law and there's always going to be that whole family dynamic. So unfortunately, karen's opinion is always going to be diluted by the fact that Sid feels like she just doesn't like his sister. She doesn't like his sister. But Valene knows how skeezy she is at this point. Sort of Laura definitely knows. You know they all talk. But I suppose it's the entrapment of being such a close-knit community you have to keep it cute. It's almost like you have to behave in front of the children, but it's like you can't really badmouth Abby because she is Karen and Sid's family Baby.
Speaker 1:What a way to go out. All right, guys, that's it. That's all for this episode. Join me next time as we break down the highs and lows of Season 2, not Landing In the meantime. In between time, check your breaks. Don't buy stolen parts. Keep your head on a swivel if the mafioso type show up trying to sell you a little something, something on the side. Trust me, it is microwave success and it ain't worth it. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your business and keep all of your karma on TV. Bye, thank you.