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S4 EP15 Dynasty - Seizure: The "Real Men Have Back Hair" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 254

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Welcome Back Soap Fiends!!
Can a soap opera from the 80s still captivate and surprise us today? Prepare to be whisked away to the glamorous yet chaotic world of Dynasty's Season 4, Episode 15, "Seizure," as we unravel the intricate plot twists and character dynamics that defined this iconic series. From Kirby's harrowing health crisis with severe preeclampsia to the tangled web of relationships surrounding her, Adam, and Jeff, we dissect every dramatic moment with a blend of nostalgia and critical analysis. And just when you thought it couldn't get any more intriguing, we touch on the evolving beauty standards of the time through the memorable character of Dex Dexter and his iconic body hair.But the drama doesn't stop there! Experience the whirlwind of events that follow Alexis's triumphant performance, leading to n hot and steamy , 80's shower scenes and a high-stakes horse-napping ransom demand. As tensions rise between Blake and Peter over Allegra's fate and Claudia finds herself haunted by mysterious violets, we also explore Tracy's ambitious career maneuvers and the ripple effects across the Carrington empire. Expect nothing less than a rollercoaster of emotions as we anticipate power shifts and speculate on the future of these unforgettable characters. Tune in for a delightful mix of suspense, humor, and a touch of theatrical flair.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap Lore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of crime time. I'm your host, jeb. You are now viewing the Sophie Asadji's Prime Time Storylines of 1984. We are back from Denver on Dynasty for an electric episode. So, whether you're new to this or true, they sit back and enjoy. Tell your babe no questions, suggestions or concerns in the next 25 to 35 minutes. Tell the kids to play outside or out of sight Everyone else in your shot. School choir or kid family are only options and we are discussing our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Doke Door, hello party people and welcome back to the place to be. We are jumping into another exciting edition of Stoke Door. We're going to jump back into Dynasty because, quite frankly, we need to get through this with a quick fix. We are pummeling our way through the chasm that is season four. It's been good, it's been bad, it's been a little bit boring, but on Dynasty, I have a good feeling about this. I'm only about six minutes into this episode and I thought you know what. Let's go ahead and do this one as a react. As I see it in real time. I think we're going to have a good time on this one.

Speaker 1:

Season four, episode 15, seizure. Clearly this has got to be about Kirbytheus, right? Kirby is fighting off high blood pressure and all the things with her pregnancy that she doesn't really want. She has agreed to marry Adam and she is down to the wire. As far as I'm concerned, there's only so far you can go in a pregnancy. If you are ignoring the dizziness, loss of sight, loss of limbs and all those sort of things. She is a ticking time bomb, as you would say. Let's go ahead and jump into this. I know this is a little bit of a darker episode, but grab yourself something bubbly and bright, kick back and let's jump into season 4, episode 15 dynasty circa 1984 seizure terrible name.

Speaker 1:

Sadly, one of the first things we see is our girl, alexis, dressed like she's going to prom 1984 with absolutely no one. She's in the phone, pressed about where dex dexter is. He's actually off handling some personal business, something dirty and gruff. He shows up to give his apologies moments after she hangs up the phone. She's like dude, we're supposed to go to this thing. I'm all dressed to the nines but she looks like she's going to a prom. It is totally inappropriate for a woman her age. But Dex is like you know what. I'm so sorry, honey. Sometimes things are going to come up and they have a moment where they need to decide what are the rules and regulations of this romantic relationship. It doesn't matter, because by the end of it he is shirtless and we get to see small, thin patches of hair on his back.

Speaker 1:

This is not me being a critical person. I realize that the standards for hair on a man's body in 1980 are very, very different than the standards for hair on a man's body in 2025. I would like to be on record as saying we need to normalize normal body hair. Body sweat, we all sweat, we all go gray. All these things happen and we have primmed and preened our way into an unrealistic existence in the years after, like 1990. I think I blame the 90s. I can't fully put that on. I can't say it with 100% accuracy, but that seems to be the thing. It is perfectly normal to grow hair from your chest if you were a man. Hell, some women do it. Some women have a mustache. Do what you need to do to feel best in your skin, but let's just normalize this Dex Dexter. I couldn't help but notice he's not a full on hairy teddy bear, he's totally like patchy. It's wrong in the perimeters, but you know what? He's there for his woman. He was like I was out handling man things. I smell to high heavens, but I'm here for you in this magenta prom gown. Please take it off so we can do the thing.

Speaker 1:

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, herbie is lying on her back suffering through these symptoms that she has kept to herself up until now. It is no longer feasible for her to keep her mouth shut because she is sweating, she is struggling, she is in absolute agony. And guess who's by her side? None other than her rapist, aka her fiancé, fiance Adam off the meds Carrington. Adam is doing his due diligence, but there's very little that a person who is not actually experiencing the symptoms can do when someone is going through it. She's like I'm having a problem, oh my god. So Jeff comes in at some point and I'm gonna be real. I was kind of halfway paying attention at this point because I'm like I don't know how good this episode is going to be. But Jeff is trying to comfort her. Adam bursts in. He's like no, she doesn't need comfort, she needs a doctor. Get off your ass, jeff, and call the doctor. He calls the doctor.

Speaker 1:

Next thing we know, corbethias is in the hospital. When we get to the hospital, she's laid up, plugged up, all the tests are ran and good old Gynel comes out and he's like hey, it's Adam and Jeff in the waiting room. So he's speaking to Jeff because he thinks Jeff is a baby daddy and he's like listen, she has a horrible, horrible condition of preeclampsia. If she doesn't get this under control control she's going to stroke out and die. You need to get your girl in order now. Jeff has this sort of he's concerned like wow, this is weird information to hear, but Adam is on 10. Adam is on 10 because he is actually the baby's father and he seems to care a little bit more about Kirby I this is a struggle to say this because of the conditions under in which she has become pregnant, but even in soap opera land I just want you to know it's a little bit of a struggle to say this he seems to care more about Kirby than Jeff, does they? He's Adam is yelling at the doctor, like stop telling me what could happen and tell me what the hell you're going to do.

Speaker 1:

And I have to agree with him, we don't want to hear all the potentials. What can, what are we finna do? Are you gonna pull out some secret of the ooze? What do you? What are you, finna do, doc? And the doctor's like I'm sorry, I'm concerned with the baby daddy, and Adam's like I'm the baby daddy. Jeff just kind of relents like yeah, I guess he is. So the doctor's like oh, oh, oh, okay, well, um, we'll start this treatment and that treatment ill, na, na, na, na.

Speaker 1:

Then Jeff and and Adam have a little conversation about Kirby and Adam's whole thing is like listen, you can pretend like you're the good guy, but I know at the end of the day you only married Kirby as a rebound. You never really cared for her. I actually care for her. I know it doesn't seem like it because I'm rapey and weird, but I'm off my meds and now that I'm back on them I guess I don't want to do those sort of things and I really do love her. I just didn't realize it because I was unmedicated. It's complicated but at the end of the day you, without meds, you never wanted her, you never wanted Kirby, you've always wanted Fallon and it's very, very clear Jep just has to swallow this like, oh God. I mean, yeah, this sucks. I hate to even report this like this. This really sucks for Kirby At the end of the day. I hate to even report this like this. This really sucks for Kirby At the end of the day. She has been convinced to marry her rapist because her dad's dead, her husband doesn't want her and the dude who knocked her up is unstable. This is the worst possible scenario to bring a fresh child in.

Speaker 1:

This is a fantastic time to reintroduce you guys to the soap tax. If you were new to this, soap tax is what we call. It is sort of a catch-all phrase for any unexplainable explanation that is presented on a soap opera. Ie on this episode, jeff and Kirby and Adam all come to some sort of consensus that Jeff never really wanted her. So it's cool, whatever Adam did, adam just wants the apology. It's out in the open, cool.

Speaker 1:

Kirby has been walking around for several months with preeclampsia, which we feel like, and now she can't grip anything. She can't pour herself a glass of water because she is inundated with this sort of rattling within her bones. It is. It is ridiculous at best. It is fantastical. At worst, this is soap tax. This is the price of enjoying these wonderful vintage primetime soap operas. You're going to have to swallow some real, really, really difficult pills sometimes. On this episode it is the relationship between Jeff and Adam and Kirby's sudden seizures. It's weird. Soap tax. Soap tax, sub tax.

Speaker 1:

Another item I used to usually throw out there is called clean up on aisle whatever. Now, the aisle would be, whatever season we're in for, and the cleanup would be if, perhaps, a storyline from a previous aisle or season doesn't really mesh with the storyline that's going on now. Ie Fallon not banging Cecil Coby. She definitely did, but they have rewritten that. That is a cleanup on aisle two for all of season two. It never happened. It was going to happen, but it never happened. On season four, we are to believe that Adam. Okay, yeah, that happened, but uh, he's not rapey anymore because they're going to get married. It is the soap tax you have to pay in order to enjoy this. So, with that being said, let us proceed. I gotta say I am so glad that I decided to watch this blind, because I'm not really sure how I would have cleaned this up otherwise. Okay, so Jeff and Adam are cool and there's something going on with Fallon, so with the whole Allegra, the horse being stolen from the stalls right there on the Carrington Ranch, there's been a lot of media presence, there's been a whole lot of things and I guess during at during one of these media interviews, peter DeFillibuster all but proposed to Fallon. Now she allegedly said yes, I didn't see that. I guess I was in the bathroom starting my moisturizing routine so I didn't notice.

Speaker 1:

Blake feels a way about it. He can't quite put his finger on what it is about Peter, but there's something about the kid he doesn't really like and Crystal's like. I mean, is it him? Is it? Is it his lifestyle? Blake chalks it up to like my daughter doesn't make great choices, so I'm always going to kind of second guess her choices. The only choice I did in the second guess was Jeff, because he's a good guy and you see how that turned out. So he just kind of feels a way. He doesn't really know why he feels a way. It is his intuition.

Speaker 1:

Meanwhile, alexis and Dex Dexter are heading to Wyoming because Dex was all dirty and filthy and whatnot, because he was looking for oil. Now he found it and all he needs to do is convince this rancher that it is. You know, he needs to sign with Dex, lex, lex, dex, whatever it's called. But the guy is waiting on a second opinion from some cowboy type from an unknown place. So Alexis's thought is why would we waste time? Let's go on a fly up there and let's go ahead and get in his ear before this cowboy does. So they go up.

Speaker 1:

Alexis will never be outdone. This is what I'm learning season four. She's not going to be outdone. She's going to have hair, makeup, jewelry, outfit. So they show up at this honky tonk and she's got on these, uh, cognac colored pants, matching boots and a turquoise shirt. Even though she does not wear semi-precious diamond, she will wear semi-precious diamond colors. Okay, stones, not diamonds, let me be correct.

Speaker 1:

And the cowboy is infatuated. He's like oh my gosh, you're so this, you're so that she's dancing with him. She is. I don't know where she learned to square dance in Great Britain, but she learned it. She knows exactly what to do. And he's like okay, cool, I'll do the deal with you if you will sing for me. She's like, oh my God, here we go with this. So she goes over to Dex. She's like I can either sleep with them or I can sing for them. Dex is obviously like well, I hope, hope you can sing. I hope you got your Beyonce on tonight. You need to go up there and sing, and she does, and I don't want to disappoint you by giving you a faux rendition. I want you to hear it for yourself. Give me a second. There's all my picture in a frame. Just see what the boys in the back room will have and tell them I sighed. And tell them I cried. And tell them I died of the same. You heard it there, folks.

Speaker 1:

Alexis Carrington Colby is a country and western singer. Secretly she has wooed, won over and all but seduced this entire crowd in Wyoming. I hope she gets a deal after this. I had no idea this was a musical rendition of Dynasty. Listen, I've said it once, I'll say it again. Kirby and the bit players are carrying this season. I just finished it up. Let me fill you in.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so after Alexis gives her whole wicked Broadway production, she and Dexter go back to the Hotel Motel Holiday Inn where they are looking over the signatures on the paper. She sold it hook, line and sinker. She's proud of that. Let's go ahead and celebrate in the shower. So this is the obligatory 80s primetime soap opera sex shower scene where she leaves a little bit of clothing here, a little bit of clothing there. Dextex are just robed by the door, follows her into the quote-unquote back room because that's what she was saying about, and they have shower sacks for all of us to be like, oh, it's official, like referee whistle. Also, what's official is that Allegra the horse has been horse napped and the Carrington's, as long as Peter the filibuster, are all stressed about it. Only are they.

Speaker 1:

So there's a scene at Denver, carrington where Blake's there, peter's lawyers there, crystal comes bursting in and they have just received a ransom note. All the bodyguard movie where the letters are not written, they're cut out from a magazine. The kidnappers, or horse snappers, if you will, want two million dollars in diamonds and no cops, or else they're gonna put a bullet in the horse's head. So, craigslist, oh my gosh, I can't believe someone would do this to a horse. Clearly, if they kidnap them, you gotta you. You already know they with it, they with it, they're gonna do what they need to do.

Speaker 1:

So Blake is hesitant because he's like why don't they want the cops involved? Obviously they don't want the cops involved because they don't want to go to jail. That's pretty obvious. But I also understand what he's saying. He's like I don't feel comfortable making moves that aren't like on paper, because when will this end? They could just continue this forever.

Speaker 1:

The filibuster and his lawyer are like man. Forget that, forget that. So he's the filibuster. Peter tells his lawyer do it, go for it. Blake's like what, go for what? The filibuster's lawyer is like it's very clear that you don't have the money. We're not trying to stress you out. Mr peter is more than willing to go for it. He's gonna go balls to the walls. He'll do what he has to do. They are playing to blake's ego and you know how that's going to turn out. Blake's all like no, I didn't say nothing about being broke, I just said all that I said. I said something about the cops, not broke. Let's go for forward, move forward. We'll do what we got to do. This should be all well and good. Now it is worth mentioning.

Speaker 1:

Let's just sprinkle in that Claudia, the stallion's violets are really just like kind of pressing her. She's staring at them, she tries to destroy them, but she can't. Stephen comes in. He's like you know what someone is? A sick weirdo. You're a Carrington now they're just playing a joke on you. Give me the flowers. He gives them. She gives him the flowers, he throws them into the fireplace, sets them aflame. Now I'm thinking to myself. If she's allergic to violets, this is probably not the best thing to put them in the atmosphere. But who am I to judge? Do you I? They're at his apartment. They're going to move back to the mansion and if there's a mansion there's like 50 other rooms. Quite literally they can move into. Blake and Stephen are on the good. They're on the up and up. Blake's even cool, with Stephen working from home, even if he's working for his mother. It's all wonderful.

Speaker 1:

So my shows in Crystal and Kirby are chatter, chatter, chittering in the hospital room and Kirby has had a change of heart. She now wants to give birth to this demon seed and she sort of regrets not taking care of this situation earlier. But as she and Crystal are chatting, she develops this weird headache. Not just a headache like a weird pressure, like sinus pressure, only it's growing, it's growing, it's growing. It makes her feel like her head is gonna explode. She gives her best jessie spano a la I'm on caffeine pills. It's too much pressure I have to study and perform with the hot sundaes. It's team too much, it's just too much. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. My head, kirby, at the end of this episode, is frantically fighting for her and her baby's life in the hospital bed with Adam Crystal, a black nurse, and Blake Harrington by her side. It is all but put out there that, oh my gosh, something is about to happen. I love it. If it weren't for these secondary stories, I don't know where this would be also right.

Speaker 1:

At the end of the episode we see Tracy out to lunch in sort of the saved by the bell outfit, now that we mention it. She's talking to her ex-boss and he's like hey, my firm is killing it. I really need you, won't you come join us? She's like no, no, no, I don't want to do that. I'm a Denver Carrington, I'm on the up and up. And he's like are you sure? She's like yeah, I'm sure, because Crystal keeps going to these doctor's appointments. So she's either pregnant or about to be pregnant. She's gonna be focused on that and it'll be my job either way. And he's like well, honey, you know, you've only gotten to the top because you slept your way to the top.

Speaker 1:

Tracy is clearly a talented PR specialist. However, maybe she has, or hasn't, slept with her boss from time to time. Does that really negate the work that she does? We're going to find out. This. Tracy has been a really, really slow burn. Have they not just sprinkled her into other episodes? I think I would have totally forgotten about her by this point. But we know she's got her eyes on the prize. She's not afraid to fumble a couple of schedules or whatever she needs to do to put herself in the best light. We will have to sit back and watch and see how that turns out. All right, guys, that's it. That's all for this fun edition of soap war. I hope you've enjoyed dynasty as much as I have.

Speaker 1:

I cannot wait to see what happens with kirby. It seems like jeff has all but accepted that Fallon is going to be married. The filibuster is starting to stink. He's starting to make people a little bit suspicious of his whole wealth and prosperity bit. Will Allegra turn up? Will Crystal be pregnant? Will Tracy take over at Denver Carrington? All this and more will be explored on the next several episodes of so floor. In the meantime, in between time, god dang it if you are going half blind. Go to the doctor. Don't wait till it's day. Number two, kirby always keep a rendition of a broadway spectacle in your back pocket, because you never know when that will be the beauty potatoes to your prosperity. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized. Mind your own business. Thank you for all of your trauma. Thank you, bye.