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S4 EP15 FALCON CREST : VICIOUS CIRCLE- The "I Didn't Do It But I Can See How You Would Think That" Episode

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Soap Fiends,what does it take to keep you hooked on the edge of your seat through a web of love, lies, and deception? We unravel the captivating drama of 1980s primetime soaps, focusing on the mesmerizing chaos of "Falcon Crest." Get ready to be enthralled as Lance Cumson finds himself ensnared in a perilous hostage situation, orchestrated by his ex, Melissa Agretti, and her scheming accomplice, Joel McCarthy. Amidst this thrilling chaos, I sprinkle in my personal anecdotes, such as my family's Thanksgiving tradition of indulging in whodunit movies, adding a layer of warmth and nostalgia to the suspenseful tales of the past.<br><br>The narrative takes a deep dive into the tangled dynamics of manipulation and deceit, where characters like Meli Mel, Terry, and Lorraine grapple with betrayal and loyalty. We explore the fallout of Meli Mel hiring Joel to secure her inheritance, only to be met with guilt and a tense kitchen confrontation when Joel oversteps his bounds. Meanwhile, Terry's tumultuous relationship with Joel exposes her past and present struggles, while Lorraine's unwavering belief in Lance adds complexity to her relationships with Maggie and Richard, as power struggles and influence play out in fascinating ways.<br><br>As the drama intensifies, we navigate through the intricate relationships of Lance, Lorraine, Emma, and Terry, where every twist and turn brings more suspense and emotional depth. From the enigmatic allure of Julia's new look to Chase's mysterious mission prompted by a friend's alleged death, each storyline is rich with intrigue. We wrap up with a nod to the captivating journey of an enigmatic character and the anticipation of upcoming soap opera revelations, leaving you eager to unravel the mysteries of love, deception, and survival in this nostalgic world of primetime drama.

Speaker 1:

There. He's using a lot less Vaseline. He still likes the short shorts. Does that make him killer? He's got a killer bod, but is he a killer?

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soap Lore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jed, viewing and reviewing one of the so Sophie is Sudsy-ish primetime storylines of 1984 or 1985. It's debatable Whether you're new to this or true to this. Sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or, out of sight, tell they have no questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot. Please be cool, quiet or you will be kicked out because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Floor. Hello, gorgeous Welcome or welcome back to another fun-filled edition of SoFour, the quiet edition.

Speaker 1:

You might notice a couple of changes here, thanks to some of our listeners and me listening back. We're going to drop that intro music down super, super low, not only because it's just hella loud for no reason, but also because my voice is being a little bit of a traitorous, treacherous heifer. I have lost my voice over the past week. It is in flux, so we're just going to do what we can do. It tends to ebb and flow. That's not going to stop me, because we got to get through this.

Speaker 1:

We are back on the West Coast when the absolute most today on Falcon Crest Dare I say it. I think this is the Florida man episode, it's the bad boy episode. Yeah, I think we'll go with that. We got to see how Lance is navigating this very horrible and very bad, no good day, how Florida man is flipping over a new leaf. Maybe, maybe not. Chase has painted himself into a corner and richard is on one, just like his arch nemesis, our good sister perm rock.

Speaker 1:

Goddess herself, miss angela, so go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright as we jump into season four, episode 15 of Falcon Crest Vicious Circle Ah, vicious Circle, the thing. You just can't keep walking away from People who make up to break up Diets. You start and stop and stutter, step through. There's many different instances of this, but today's I didn't quite get the theme, but it didn't matter because it was such a good episode. So if you're wondering why I sound the way I do, I've explained that I have lost my voice and I need to keep it real cute and real quiet. This whole episode Sort of like one of my favorite podcasts who I'm not going to name on this show because I ain't getting no coin, but I listened to it to fall asleep and they all sort of talk like this. So I thought why not challenge myself to keep it cute, keep it low and see how long we can keep up this charade, because I don't want to sound like Urkel or a 12 year old boy going through puberty. I'm a full grown, millennial woman and I need some respect in my name.

Speaker 1:

One of my favorite traditions is on Thanksgiving. Now, thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays, not for any particular reason. I just feel like there's not a lot going on In the summer 4th of July, at least here in the States, things are open, there's fireworks, there's a lot of fanfare. Thanksgiving seems to be a day to be at home with your loved ones, which I love. The best part of Thanksgiving is, of course, leftovers and hanging out with relatives and friends who are in town, who you haven't seen in a while.

Speaker 1:

But a new tradition that I started with my family is that every Thanksgiving, we go to a movie, or we stay home and we watch a movie, and if we stay home we make sure that we watch a whodunit. I like to kind of string it along so we might have, you know, a light breakfast or key can. We might have a little scavenger hunt that morning. Then we'll move on to the main course. Everyone has a good time watch a football, whatever. Then we finish up with a whodunit. We play board games. It's just a way to kind of make the day an activity.

Speaker 1:

I love whodunits, I love a good mystery, I love a suspenseful movie. But being a mother, I have to kind of be careful with that thing. As my kids are older, we can watch things that are a little more colorful, if you will, but I love a good whodunit. One of the things I like even more than a whodunit is a. I didn't do it, it wasn't me. This is what this episode is.

Speaker 1:

Lance Cumpson woke up on an ordinary day expecting to have a less than extraordinary day filled with the mundane, maybe a sprinkle of Lorraine, maybe taking over another empire, who knows. He didn't expect what he got. To refresh your memory, when last we left, lance Cumpson had been kidnapped. He was the most impeccable, most cooperative hostage ever in a 1980s soap opera. He walked willingly into a gas station, he waited patiently and once he was released he calmly, coolly and collectively put himself inside of his little two-seater. He drove to the nearest payphone and he called the authorities. He did all the things he needed to do correctly, at least on paper. Unbeknownst to him, there was a bigger storyline at play. His ex, melissa Agretti, was getting good and sick and tired of him and his grandmama playing with her inheritance. So she tells Florida man, joel McCarthy, hey, get rid of them, or something to that effect. I'm not going to rewind. She says something to that effect and he's like bet. She says if you make it stick, I'll give you 50,000 American dollars. So he did his best.

Speaker 1:

And at the top of this episode we see Lance Cumson in the clink fighting for his life, but totally unaware of what the situation is at hand. I'm gonna be honest with you there's a whole lot of yelling. At the top of this episode, lance gets on the telephone and he calls his home, expecting sympathy, expecting help, and he's relieved when he hears Craig Reardon, aka the manimal, pick up the phone. Oh, thank God, craig, please come quick. I've been arrested. I need help. Craig, sneering on the other side of the telephones as well, that's rich, lance. Don't you even want to know how your grandmother's doing?

Speaker 1:

Lance is a bit confused by this statement, because why would his grandmother be in duress? Perhaps it's because he's been arrested? Perhaps it's because he hasn't reached out to her all day? So Lance, of course, like a good grandson, says of course, of course, what's wrong? Well, by this time the perm rod goddess herself comes bursting into the house. Now she is pissed because she believes that her grandson, her heir apparent, tried to run her off the road, tried to run her over in a two-seater, nonetheless no dignity at all, wasn't even a Rolls Royce or anything. The damn factory car, can you believe it? So she sees Reardon on the phone. She says Manimal, who's that? The manimal says it's your grandson. She reaches for the phone, snatches it away and says oh well, well, well, well, who do we have here If it isn't my treacherous, traitorous, trifling grandson? I hope you rot in jail, click.

Speaker 1:

Lance is, of course, on the other end of the line, shook, shocked. The heir apparent is like what the fuck? What happened? So he starts yelling at the cops like can someone please fill me in. The sheriff who is completely recovered from his kidney or whatever his mid-abdomen surgery was, is totally all like well, you're a murderer. His kidney or whatever his mid abdomen surgery was, is totally all like well, you're a murderer. You tried to murder your grandma. He's like dude. I fight with that old lady. We make up to break up, we break up to make up. It is quite the vicious circle. I'm never going to try to kill her. I'm ignoring her.

Speaker 1:

Now, by all intents and purposes, this is a likely story, considering who Lance is, or is it? This is that whole back and forth thing. Why are we so, as humans, we're so much more likely to believe the unbelievable than the likely story. Sure, everyone in the valley knows that Angela is a hard pill to crack. She's a hard pill to swallow.

Speaker 1:

Everyone knows that Lance is her heir apparent and they have fallen out. But has he ever done anything really violent? No, unless you're baby oil. He loves slavering baby oil and kickboxing in the wind, but he ain't never really hurt anybody other than Joel, which they bring up ad nauseum on this episode. I'm totally here for it. But ultimately, this episode, you get two sides of that coin People who think Lance Thompson, who doesn't have a record, is capable of male dare. And then those who are like. I mean he could, but I don't really think he did. One thing for certain, two things for sure People are always going to want to know about murder and infidelity, and on this case an attempted murder will have to do. Since Julia Compson is locked up, no one's been chopped up or shot up in the valley in a while. So Lance Compson is big news. Here's the thing. Everybody has an opinion about it.

Speaker 1:

We see bad girl Meli Mel in her kitchen. Now it's unclear to me whether or not this is her kitchen at the Agredi Heritage Home or if this is she and Cole's new house. I don't think they bought a house. I forget those of you watching in real time. Let me know those of you watching in real time. Let me know she feels a way because in her mind she said hey, I want you to scare them into giving me back my inheritance. That's not what she said. She called him poor. She called him cracked out. She said I know poor people need money. You look like you need money, joel. Why don't you handle this problem for me, and if you make it stick, I'll give you $50,000. He was content to take 30.

Speaker 1:

Now, all of a sudden, she's all in her feelings, she's all upset about it. This is that soap tax. Soap tax thing. They forget with the quickness you basically said mail there. You didn't say it, but you said it. There's a million ways to say things, okay?

Speaker 1:

Well, sure enough, joel shows up in the kitchen as she's listening to the radio. He clicks it off in his leather gloves, efficient right. And he's like yo, where's my shmoney? Job's done. And she's like you, creeped out, cracked out, freaked out, freak.

Speaker 1:

I didn't say run her off the road, what the heck is wrong with you? He's like. But you kind of did. And either way, I did what I needed to do. Your boy's in jail. He's not going to be the heir apparent anymore. Run me my money. She got the audacity to say you know what, joel, I sound like an old lady, I sound like my grandma. I'll not give it to you, me and Vandalia, the onion queen, on the same bloodline in this time. Now she's like I should not give this to you. He's like that would be really, really dumb. Doesn't matter anyway. She hands him the money, which is already counted out in an envelope. I think she just maybe. This is that whole thing.

Speaker 1:

I know when some people go to the store, they go to a bazaar or swap meet or garage sale. Have the fun is haggling. I'm not a great haggler, I'm really not. I'll talk to you about coupons, I'll talk to you about a discount, but I'm not going to go back and forth with you like that. It doesn't have it in me. I feel like Melissa's doing that. She's got to howl just a little bit, just as she feels good about the fact that Angela was almost run off. Well, joel tells her it doesn't matter. Thank you so much. Appreciate the money. Melissa just has to give him more off. Don't snort it all up your nose, something like that, because I'm done with that. I'm about to settle down with Terry.

Speaker 1:

Now, first Mellie, mel cackles and then she gets serious. Now I don't know why we have all come to the conclusion am I right, or am I right that Terry, she is somewhat of an enigma? She is a bad girl in her deeds, but she don't have the sand, she didn't have the grit to carry out bad lifestyles. You know what I'm saying. Maybe she was a call girl. I wouldn't, I wouldn't even say that makes you a bad person at all. It's not a bad girl. It doesn't mean you enjoy it. You need some money at some point in your life. But she's not great at seducing. She's not great at blackmailing. She's not great at getting rid of co-doubt Florida men who have been wreaking havoc on her personal life. None of those are her forte, but for whatever reason it makes Melissa just a little bit nervous.

Speaker 1:

Okay, last but not least, maggie, richard and his stepdaughter Lorraine get into it over land. So I had forgotten sort of that. Maggie is a news reporter, quote unquote on Richard's radio station. I couldn't understand why they were arguing over dropping this story. Then I remembered he's not with the paper. The radio still is going to put it out there quicker.

Speaker 1:

Richard doesn't give a damn about the details of this case. Lance Compson has been arrested for almost mail littering. Angela, put it in, put it out there, period Now. Maggie's like now, hold on now, rich. Now come on now.

Speaker 1:

You know this don't sound right. This doesn't even seem like something he would do Now. Lorraine is puppy love, so she's out of the mix. Richard's like it does sound like something he did do. Maggie's like no, it sounds like something he could do. I just don't. I'm not going to go out there willy nilly saying that he did it. I fame that he did it. I just refuse to do it. Why her loyalties are to him I don't know, but maybe it's just her integrity. She can't understand why this needs to go out so hot and heavy. She understands, actually she knows, that Richard has a huge vendetta against Lance and anything he can do to separate Lance and his little Lorraine-y poo, that's what he's gonna do. They finally come to an agreement because they are friends. They seem to be one of the few friendships on the shows that matter. And he's like fine mags, you approach this any way you see fit. I still think what I say. And the little rain is like forget you, daddy, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with the land. She ends up moving into the hotel motel holiday inn with lance at this portion of the show. It is a very important lesson in the power of suggestion and the power of seduction. Now Lance and Lorraine are gonna stick by each other. She is his one source of just kind of steadfast belief. He needs to hear it because, honestly, he's coming, he's walking into this blind. He doesn't know what happened.

Speaker 1:

The scene was a little bit sad, a little bit, not really. Lance is released from jail after one of his lower rung guys shows up from the globe and they release him from jail. He goes straight to Falcon Crest where he's arguing and carrying on downstairs with Chow Lee and the manimal. When Angela comes down, she's like you and your little tramp need to get up out of my house. You tried to kill me, get out. And Lance is like grandmother. You know I didn't do this. This is weird. Like why would I do this all of a sudden? Now good old whimsical Emma's like mama, this doesn't sound right. You know, this don't sound like land. Angela doesn't care. Perm, my God. She's had to dismiss her fro. She's had to ruffle her own feathers. He's out. You are no longer my heir apparent. You out. This is interesting. I don't know why she chooses to die on this hill, because he's already the runner of the globe.

Speaker 1:

He's the CEO of the globe. He's the CEO of the globe. He's doing well. He doesn't really care about being at the house. He hasn't asked for any money. It's kind of a fool's errand. It's a moot point at this time to keep enforcing this inheritance that you have kicked him in and out of time and time again. No one else on this show stays on better kicked out terms than Lance Compson.

Speaker 1:

And let's be honest, he's a lot of things. He is a little bit of a sleazeball. He is a bedhopper. He is a playboy. He is tall, dark and handsome. He is some sort of martial arts expert, or at least novice. He's a lot things. But is he a murderer? No, he talks cash crazy to anybody poorer than him.

Speaker 1:

But I feel like he has really matured this last season and a half. He's really kind of coming to his own. His acting jobs are better there. He's using a lot less vaseline. He still likes the short shorts. Does that make him killer? He's got a killer bod, but is he killer? He ain't no killer just because his mama went cuckoo who told me he's gonna do the same thing. But Angela's pride won't allow her to see it, so much so that in her office he almost breaks out another can of whoop ass and see he's trying to change Every time you try to turn a new leaf, you try to walk away from that old life. He don't want to be a thug anymore. He doesn't want to be a God. I can't remember the polo. What's the little alligator logo? Alligator logo, mid-80s villain type dude. He's trying to be a respectable man but y'all keep calling him back.

Speaker 1:

The manimal wants to get black in his face and that's the end of the manimal. You know horses, you know stallions, you know bad girls, sort of. What you don't know is kung fu. What you don't know is martial arts. What you don't know is how to duck the renegade's tomahawk kick. That's what you don't know. But the the manimals feeling froggy.

Speaker 1:

So in my mind I have reimagined this entire scene. They're all in angela's office. It's about to go down. She's like get out lance. And the manimal pushes lance just a little too hard. So you know he jumps into renegade stance. He squats, he's got his fist up, he's ready to kick ass. The manimal is like oh, oh, word is like that. He's getting ready to turn into some sort of white-bellied amphibian or some sort of hawk.

Speaker 1:

I'm thinking to myself. I wonder what he's going to morph into so that he can whoop this six-foot-three kung fu. Renegade god, what are you going to do? Nothing, because you know what happens. Chow Lee intercedes. Chow Lee, his surrogate father, steps into the middle of the fight and nothing happens. He has to get kicked out. Chow Lee is beside himself after the fight. He's not really. He's stoic like that. He might have felt a way. Maybe he didn't, but Angela implies that it was a difficult task for him because he didn't raise this boy and taught him all these movements.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to see it play out. I wanted to see the manimals' Lego hair skidded all across Angela's office room floor, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. But another Lego-haired baddie had other plans this episode. But another Lego-haired baddie had other plans this episode. Okay, party people. It is worth mentioning that on this episode there are not one.

Speaker 1:

Her main squeeze, her heart's desire, mr Cole, lego hair. I didn't have Lego hair, it's actually fine. I just needed to say that Everyone's hair on this show is fabulous. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. So they're in the throes y'all. They're really just. Oh, my god, I love you. They're making sweet, passionate, nighttime, primetime love.

Speaker 1:

When the phone rings, do you know? Do you understand what I'm about to tell you? Melissa, bad girl Melly, mel actually answers the freaking phone. A woman of her sexual prowess. It really surprises me that she would take calls in the minute of action. Listen, we don't need to be graphic on this show, but I'm a woman so it's like that's also a little bit different. If I were a man and someone took a phone call in the middle of my performance, I would feel a way.

Speaker 1:

I don't think Cole was petty enough. Quite frankly, he does pull up his baby blue drawers and get out of bed. It is the manimal telling her that damn horse he's obsessed with is feeling better Now, damn it. We always say this should have been. This could have been an email. That could have been an email. That could have been a telegraph. That could have been a phone call the next morning. Why are you playing on my phone in the middle of the night during sexy time? It's irrelevant. They're doing all the things they get into this scuffle.

Speaker 1:

Cole gets up and he's like I can't freaking believe you took that call. She's like well, what do you want from me? Somehow the argument goes to her shouting I saved your life. He's like what were you talking about? She's like I made up that whole thing about the champagne bottles exploding. I paid someone at Falcon Crest to say that and you didn't get on the plane. I saved your life. Oh, so cleans. Is that the correct thing to say? I don't see where that has any weight in this whole program. I don't know why you're talking about that right now, but that's what she wants to bring up. He gets pissed and he leaves the house.

Speaker 1:

Now, luckily for them, they make up a little bit later and we have a one word, one scene cameo from baby Joseph, where they have made up with each other. He's like I love you, I love you, you're right, I would have lost everything had it not been for you. And she's like I'm so sorry. I just love you so much. I just wanted, I wanted an opportunity, nevermind the fact that the gorgeous, that gorgeous Shania and Linda went kerplunk in that plane. That's irrelevant. It's all about them at this moment. They're in love and they're together.

Speaker 1:

Now I want to talk very briefly about a new budding romance that is as quickly doused as it is lit aflame. Our girl, julia, still thinks that DeFillibus would have no wrong soap. The Nazi child is a. She thinks he's a psychiatrist. He's going to help her. He has given her freedom. He has given her the run of the house. She's able to move freely throughout his residence and, unbeknownst to her spirits, has caught feelings. How could he not?

Speaker 1:

Julia is a gorgeous woman. She's got the new little chin leaflength bob with the bangs. She messed around and put up an updo. He got her the flyest dress he could find. It is black and gold from May 1st shoulder, because how is a woman supposed to eat a meal otherwise? Duh, I can't really read the room here and I haven't seen episode 16, but it feels like there might be a little bit of friendly competition between the nazi child and spirit spheres. His head over heels in love with her. He's watching her as she combs her hair. He's watching her do all the things. He bought her the flyest dress. He just likes to stand back and look at her. He's got that look in his eye like, oh, my, oh, my, like, like, like he's watching the sun for the first time.

Speaker 1:

Now, by the end of the show, you know what it is that cost him his job and possibly his life. Nazi child's like you're too close. I don't know if you really want to be in this like this. I think it's time to let you go. No, I'm not gonna kill you, I'm just gonna put you on another assignment. We will see on episode 16, although I do think it's a little early in the season to get rid of the two dirt dudes. Nazi child does not seem like a guy who gets his hands dirty to me.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of assignments, do you remember our good buddy, ben Chase's bestie from way back when in his nom days? Well, he comes up this episode. Let's rewind a little bit. With all the rigmarole going on around Lance and this potential hit that he took out on Angela via himself, there's a lot of confusion. There's a bunch of kerfuffles popping up left and right. So this affords Chase a unique opportunity. Yes, he just came back from Europe, but now he needs to go to New York because a couple of things have come to light.

Speaker 1:

Now Ben is allegedly dead. I say allegedly because this is a soap opera. We saw no body, we saw no roughage, we saw nothing. A woman came into a cafe and told Chase that Ben was dead. Needless to say, chase is holding his feelings and he's a little bit paranoid. He's looking over his shoulder but he's on the phone with the FAA guy and they're going over Ben's credentials. Long story short, it doesn't look like Ben was affiliated with anybody, which I think we discussed a couple episodes back. He just sort of showed up. He has money. I say he has money because he has his equipment, but he didn't really seem to be reporting back to anybody. It seemed like a very vague mission. Dare, I say it. I think Ben might have been a plant that doesn't really matter, because Chase now needs to figure out how to conduct his day-to-day life and all the responsibility that withholds and lie to his wife, so that he can get over to the East Coast to take care of more business.

Speaker 1:

Now Maggie's nobody's fool. She knows something is up. She sees a way. Her aviator Thomas is slinking around the house. Something is up, but Maggie's not one to pry. If he wants to do whatever he wants to do, fine, do it. Well, that doesn't turn out so hot for him. He ends up going and he talks to the aviator guy and a phone call comes through through the office. Chase picks up the phone and it is a warning. It is a dire warning Back up, back up, because it's on, if you don't want to end up dead like your homeboy Ben. You're back up. He's like oh my god, who does this? It's irrelevant. He's already lying to everyone. I don't know what happens. We'll find out on episode 16 or later, most likely.

Speaker 1:

Another person on this episode who unfortunately has the just responsibility, if you will, to lie to Maggie is her long lost, recently found birth mother. I like sweet little Scarlett. Scarlett is a nice lady, she don't bother nobody. I feel horrible that Angela is stringing her along, because here's the thing Addiction is is stringing her along Because here's the thing addiction is. Although there is a fallout, obviously people are hurt by your actions, you're not actually committing a crime against anyone else. It seems extremely devious for Angela to meddle in this woman's affairs. This woman was on the straight and narrow. She'd been that way for two years, but no. So on this episode, angela is Angela. She needs to make sure things are falling into place and, for whatever reason, she is locked in on her good play niece, maggie. Who would want smoke with Maggie?

Speaker 1:

I'm sure I don't know, but on this episode Scarlett has visited Tuscany Downs more times than a little bit. That itch is being scratched and, god dang it, she can't stop it. So one day she saunters into Maggie's bedroom right before Maggie leaves for work and she says hey, daughter, I need some nail polish. My hands are looking mad raggedy. You got any Maggie's like? Oh, absolutely, I got plenty. I got anything you need. Matter of fact, why don't you do your nail in my room? But as she lifts the tray out of her bedside drawer, there is a pretty woman box filled with pearls or something. And Maggie's like oh, mother, every time I take these out of storage I have to figure out a way to hide them. And her mom plays along like yes, sweetie, I used to do the same thing with my jewelry, only I would forget where I put them. Unfortunately, this isn't the case.

Speaker 1:

So Scarlet goes back to Tuscany Downs and, lo and behold, when you know it, one of her running buddies from back in the day shows up and she's like hey, girl, where you been. And I'm like oh, girl, you know, I gave this up two years ago and I'm back now, baby. And her friend's like girl, I've been looking for you all over, you been with some money. And I wanted her mom to say you bet your sweet arse, I am, but she didn't say that. I'm sorry, gambling's not funny, it's a little funny, a little funny.

Speaker 1:

So, long story short, mommy Dearest, aka Scarlet, ends up swiping Maggie's pearls to put down a sure thing. She thinks it's a sure thing because Angela Channing called her. But the truth is it's not a sure thing. It's a sure thing in the wrong direction. You see the manimal in one of his animal kingdom. Homeboys knew that this horse could burst out the gate real good, but he always ended up in last. They knew that Angela heard this and she's like oh perfect, let me go ahead and manipulate this woman with this information. So Maggie's mother, scarlett, of course, puts the bet down for the wrong horse, or so she thinks, and after she does it she's like God, I'm such a scumbag. She has a full-on come to Jesus moment. Meanwhile, her homegirl is like girl shut up, you're messing up my juju. I need to make sure I win this here money Before it's all said and done. The horse actually wins and Mommy Dearest is able to put the money back. Now, if she does or she doesn't, I really don't know. It seems like she was disgusted with herself for gambling off something that was such a beautiful thing. She's like I'm risking a relationship with my daughter for this Sucks. So we'll see how that pans out.

Speaker 1:

Two last things we gotta get to the bad boys of this episode, because Lance is on the prowl and Joel is not. So Lance and Lorraine. In our second sensual, sudsy, sexual scene they're in the hotel motel making out frantically. Lance gets a call from the globe like yo, you need to come down here. We got some recent developments. And he's like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's so into Lorraine as she peppers his hairy man chest with kisses that he's like you know, know what, screw it, they got the wrong number. I'll be in when I be in. This is only noteworthy because I feel like any time Lance has a scene it's usually there's a lot of pomp and circumstance around it.

Speaker 1:

This was the most subdued. They were in bed as if they were an old married couple. Of course she's this puppy love girl, sick with love, ready and willing to do whatever he wants, but he actually reciprocates it. I don't know if Lorraine is long-term. I feel like this sets her up to get blown up at some point. But for here and now, lorraine seems to be the real deal. Now. Now she helps him.

Speaker 1:

Throughout this episode, emma came up with the theory after she told her mama that she was blind as a bat. She needed her eyes checked. She's like. Well, who would benefit from this the most? It's probably one of Lance's enemies, or even Melissa, she would benefit. Angela don't want to admit that's right, but she kind of does so.

Speaker 1:

By the end of the episode, Lance is back at the globe. He's in the office with Lorraine and a couple other people and they're going over his very long, long, long list of enemies and they're deciding if any of them would make a move of this caliber on him. He has been kidnapped, his car was stolen, used to almost kill his grandmother and then returned to him. He's clearly being framed. By episode's end they determine that you know what. It could be Terry or it could be Melissa, and maybe they used that scumbag Joel to handle it.

Speaker 1:

Before we write off Lord of man as the scumbag of this episode, I want to recant. I want to go back a little bit. So, after the money with Melissa, he does indeed go over to Terry's. According to him, he kicked that monkey off his back a couple weeks back. He's not worried about them drugs, he's focused on her and he shows up and he's kind of got on an outfit that looks like Usher in his roller skating era. It's like this gray top and I think the arms are leather but like the elbows have this weird pad. It looks good. He looks wonderful. He's like hey, look at me, Terry.

Speaker 1:

Meanwhile Terry, the not sobad girl, is freaking out because Richard has not delivered those divorce papers to her yet. She is still waiting because the clock is ticking With every passing day. She's almost going to be Mrs Coked Out, florida 1985 again. She doesn't want that. But in the same breath he's familiar, he's talking right, he seems to be coherent and, dare I say it, he's kind of turning her on a little bit. So Terry thinks to herself hmm, there's no reason why I can't enjoy this while I got it right. Joel thinks I want him. I want him to think I want him.

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So one day she saunters in front of him in her purple bathing suit, with nylon pantyhose. I'm very curious, I wonder if anyone ever actually swam in nylons. Seems like a lot of work. Just let it hang. She walks over to him and before you know it he wakes up. He's like taking a nap or something. And he sees her and he's like gosh, you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful, terry, I just love you so much. And she sees, if not for but a brief moment, the old Joel. They share a memory, they were each other's first loves and she's like there's just nothing like it. It's the most amazing thing ever. So she gone to Dibbles and Dabbles and they get it on right there on the couch.

Speaker 1:

It would appear, by all intents and purposes, that they continue to get it on quite regularly, until one dark and stormy night when they're waiting for a pizza with anchovies and pepperonis to be delivered. Terry is in a faux Versace robe, joel is in street clothes, rat-a-tat-tat at the door. She goes to answer it. Now he looks in her purse. I don't know if he's looking for money, I don't know what he's looking for, but he finds a pistola.

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Terry answers the door and it's Richard looking all creepy, talking about one pepperoni pizza and a divorce decree, and there's some weirdo behind him. So Richard lets himself in, terry follows him and they approach Joel. Joel, the jig is up. Terry is divorced from you. You better leave her alone. Now.

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I don't know we don't know as the audience if Joel was going to take this offer or not, because Richard very quickly says and I have some of your old running buddies in my car, the blah, blah, blahs, basically some people he stole some money from. He hears this and alarms go off. Oh no, oh no, they're going to shoot me dead. So of course he whips out that pistol and he's like Richard, you and Terry can get it. You better, let me out of here, I'm not doing this. Richard's like hey, hey, hey, hey, no need to get hasty, I can send you to rehab and you don't have to go to these mafioso types. You just do your time, get clean. But you gotta leave terry alone.

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Now joel is waiting. As often he's like yeah, okay, okay, I guess I'll do that. That sounds pretty good. It sounds better than dying. Richard's like yeah, I agree. Terry's like yeah, I agree too, but not before. Joel is like hey, you were just stringing me along. Let's be honest. Since Lance stopped tapping that, she really got no other options. Again, she's not a bad girl. I can't reiterate that enough. She fooled us. So Richard says hey, you can leave, you can go to rehab. And Joel walks willingly out of the house. Unbeknownst to him, lance has got a target on his back, like hmm, he's that dude.

Speaker 1:

So once Richard and Joel are in the limousine, in the back of the car, they're having a conversation, chatter, chatter, chit-chat. Joel's like dude, don't drop me off with those weirdos. I get the feeling you're going to be weird about it. Don't do it. Richard's like why should I not? He goes. Joel tells him because I have information about something I just need to know. I'm going to go to rehab and not with those fools. Richard says I'm listening. Joel proceeds to tell him that Marissa Agredi hired him to try to kill Lance or his grandmother so that she could be shoved back into the will. She gave him $50,000. That's it, that's all. Now Richard is like hmm, this is a likely story. But instead of giving anyone else the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to believe you on this. Joel. Richard gets on the horn. He calls the rehab center hey, I got a pal coming, take real good care of him. But as he exits the car, it's dramatic. It's dark, he's at the airport, rain is drizzling down on his face and we know that for the first time in this episode, in this series, joel McCarthy, I believe, is a suspect. It's the first time anyone's looked at him twice. So now we get to see how all of this plays out. End scene.

Speaker 1:

What do you think, soap fans? I think I Didn't Do. It is one of the best things ever, because you have to go through all these mazes, you have to convince people who hate you to be on your side. This is very exciting for me.

Speaker 1:

Per usual for Falcon Crest, I think we have less than 10 episodes left, god willing. I think we have like nine. I can't wait to see how this all pans out. Although I've grown a little bit more attached to Florida man, I'm not ready to see his departure. All right, guys, that's it. That's all for this episode.

Speaker 1:

I've got to figure out how we're going to play this. I think we're going to have to go hard and fast with several episodes in a row, but ultimately I'm fiending for some Nostlanding. We're going to jump back into our Nostlanding realness season opener. Let's do a few episodes and get season. What are we? Season three on the road. In the meantime, in between time, for God's sakes, make a fuss. If someone snatches you out of your car, make a fuss. Pull hair, get some DNA, because nobody's gonna believe you're. Oh, I willingly walked into a gas station and patiently waited until the robber came back and dropped off my car. But it's a likely story, even if it's the truth. Stay moisturized, stay hydrated, mind your business and keep all of your drama on tv.