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Soaplore
Ever wondered what you missed out on before the golden age of streaming? Welcome to Soaplore, the podcast where we dive headfirst into the wonderfully over-the-top world of vintage soap operas from the 80s and 90s. I’m Jett, a TV-loving Millennial who’s finally escaping the monotony of modern shows and embracing the drama, the shoulder pads, and the catfights of yesteryear.
Join me as I experience the soapy sagas of "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Falcon Crest," and "Knots Landing" for the first time, episode by episode. With over 200 shows, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably question our life choices—just like the characters do, but with slightly less fabulous wardrobes.
Whether you’re a Xillenial who grew up with these iconic series, a Millennial like me who missed out the first time around, or a new fan discovering the glorious chaos of primetime soaps, "Soaplore" is your time machine to the melodramatic past. Tune in, relive the magic, and let’s marvel together at how people ever survived without binge-watching.
Pour yourself a glass of something strong, because, trust me, you’ll need it. This isn’t just nostalgia; this is Soaplore—where every episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, and nothing is ever as it seems.
Soaplore
S3 EP4 Knots Landing: Moving In - The "Mamas Got A Brand New (trash) Bag" Episode
What if a mojito-flavored sparkling water could spice up a trip down memory lane? Join us on a whimsical adventure as we revisit the iconic world of vintage primetime soap operas. In this episode, we pay homage to Knott's Landing, particularly season three, episode four, exploring how the series reshaped our view of classic soaps. With nostalgic anecdotes and humorous twists, we honor the unforgettable Sid Fairgate and uncover the surprising backstory of Don Murray, the actor who brought him to life. We also celebrate the vibrant fan community, featuring feedback from Oklahoma City about the unsettling Peter DeFillibuster and Kelly K's joy in rediscovering these shows on SoapNet.
Sid Fairgate's departure is a focal point, and we delve into the dynamics of his role at Knott's Landing Motors. Known for his charm and unpredictability, Sid became the quintessential soap opera hero, leaving a lasting impact on the show and its audience. We explore how Don Murray's expectations and regrets shaped his exit, with John Pleshette's involvement crafting Sid's dramatic farewell. Meanwhile, Abby's gripping search for her missing children and Valene's struggle with her mother's newfound fame add layers of complexity and tension, highlighting generational divides and familial responsibilities.
As we wrap up this episode filled with drama and intrigue, we invite you, our listeners, to share your thoughts and suggestions. We're looking for a new title for Lily Mae, as "Vidalia Onion Queen 2.0" just doesn't cut it anymore! Join us next time for more soapy debauchery, and remember to keep the drama on TV. Stay hydrated, moisturized, and never hold back from speaking your mind. Your voice matters, whether it leads you to your desired destination or not. Until next time, enjoy the chaos from a safe distance!
It's not Alley Cat Cabbage Crunch Mother who's a thief and a vagabond and a scallywagon every sense of the word. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap Floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OGHerd fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jeff, viewing and reviewing one of the best storylines of 1981. We're back in, not landing for season three, episode four. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell they no questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in the air shop cool, quiet or kicked out are your only options, because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Hello, gorgeous. Welcome back to another fun-filled edition of soap lore. It's been a few days, we've had our time. I don't want to move on this quickly, but we have to because in the land of soap opera there is no such thing as a lingering depression. You gotta move on, baby. We gotta move through. We must persevere and that's what we're gonna do on this episode. I hope you guys are feeling amazing. I'm feeling pretty good. I actually watched this episode about halfway through and already I'm in my feelings.
Speaker 1:We are in season three, episode four of Knott's Landing, moving in. I'm gonna let that sit with you for a second. What do you think that means? I wanna go ahead and keep my promises. We are going to eulogize Sid Farragate this episode and, as happenstance would have it, I got a little bit sick and needed to take a few days off, so my recording schedule is a little bit different. It's a little bit backed up. You're going to hear this a little bit closer in real time than I would have loved, but it worked out perfectly because I got better information, because I didn't just jump in. So, guys, go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright. We're going to jump into some fan mail. We're going to jump into Sid's eulogy and then a little bit of a backstory on the actor known as Don Draper. Is that his name? He's not Don Draper, I don't know why. I said that. Don Murray, go ahead and pour yourself up something bright. I'm going to indulge myself and we'll get into this episode. Season three, episode four of Knott's Landing, moving in Full disclosure, I was a little bit nervous about what was going to happen on episode four.
Speaker 1:Knott's Landing has absolutely changed the landscape of vintage primetime soap operas for me. I'm thinking broader, I'm thinking brighter and I've got. I'm still so pumped about the decision to watch this Now. We haven't done a pop the can in a very, very long time, but I was in the grocery store the other day, very, very long time. But I was in the grocery store the other day and I saw I love sparkling water, always have.
Speaker 1:But it makes a lot of sense if you're watching a vintage prime time soap opera, pour it in a glass. Looks like champagne. If you want to drink champagne, you do whatever you want. But I feel like these shows are rubbing off on me a little bit and I grabbed a. Uh, let's see, this is totally non-alcoholic. It's a mojito made by the brand croto c-r-o-d-o. Looks like it's an italian brand, or at least italian influence. Baby, when I tell you that this is delectable, it is delicious, they're not paying me, but I'm, you know what, I'm making it my mission.
Speaker 1:This year. We getting sponsorships, so but this is my bubbly and brightest episode and I'm not so sure that the episode was meant to be humorous, but it was humorous to me. I was pissed, I was laughing, I was talking back to the TV because there was just so much at stake. But before we jump into that, let's do a little bit of fan mail. If you listen to the show and you've sent in something, please know I never ignore anything. I see everything. The way this works is I can see it. I can't necessarily respond, but if I'm on a platform, if you leave a message on one of the many platforms I'm slowly discovering, I will always message you back or I'll acknowledge you on the podcast. So, with that being said, I want to shout out OKC, oklahoma City. Here in the US.
Speaker 1:I don't know who you are, but they fully agree with me about Peter DeFillibuster never blinking and being mad creepy. He is mad creepy and I'm not buying him as like this, this playboy that could sweep a woman like Fallon off her feet. I just I don't see it. That's the whole thing that pisses me off about Fallon's storyline. She feels like such an afterthought and it's such a waste. It's such a waste because she was so sharp and bright. I don't want to get into this again, but I'm glad we're on the same page. I don't buy it either. That was the long and short of it. Oklahoma City's like. I don't know who this is, but he's creepy, he's dead behind the eyes, fully.
Speaker 1:Kelly K sent me an email and she basically says that she enjoys my review watching these in real time. She is a late like. She's like the tail end of Gen X and Kelly says that she didn't watch it any of the shows in real time, but she definitely watched Nance Landing or SoapNet I don't want to mess that up. I think SoapNet, which is a channel that I think is on Amazon Prime and after looking in we talked about this in a previous episode there's ways to watch these shows and she just happened to stubble on it and really enjoyed it. So I'm glad you're liking it. Nance Landing is coming out of the woodwork. I'm so grateful for you guys. Let me just say this All of the OGs who are commenting or saying or leaving comments or leaving emails, whatever you've been so good at not spoiling anything on any of these shows and I really, really appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Lisa from Mahea Texas shout out to Mahea Texas wants to know if I have ever been to South Fork. First off, lisa, let me just say thank you so so much for listening. I love when my state brethren are in the building. No, I've never been to South Fork, but I will absolutely make it a point to go. I have some family who is in Dallas and my sister's actually going to be moving to Fort Worth this year, so I'm going to make it a point to go and check out South Fork now that I have a reason. I'm not embarrassed to admit this, but I just didn't realize that that was a thing. Obviously, I knew that the show Dallas was huge, but I didn't really know much about it. But now that there's a reason to go, I will 100% I will show up at South Fork. Also, I want to shout you out because I know Mejia, which is spelled M-E-X-I-A, looks like Mexia. Mejia is a hometown of the late great, always campy, anna Nicole Smith. Everything's bigger in Texas, even this candle.
Speaker 1:I got a few more comments, but I want to read those on the Falcon Crest episodes and on the Dynasty episodes because you guys are awesome. But, as I said previous, I was a little bit sick, so my recording schedule is a little bit off. I'm so glad that happened, because Sid's eulogy would have absolutely sucked Otherwise. Maybe you think it sucks, maybe you don't, I don't really know. Reach out to me via text. If you're listening to this on your mobile device, you can send me a text. You can email me at SoapLorePodcast, at Gmail, and, yeah, I want to hear what you think. I love you guys' opinion. This has been so much fun. I still can't believe I'm three years into this and no one has spoiled anything ever yet.
Speaker 1:I want to give an especially and just really super grateful shout out to Kip and my good friend Jupiter, who these are my internet friends that we are watching the shows. And then what's his name? Wilson style on home improvement, where you go out to your backyard you chat with your neighbor across the way. I've gotten a lot of insight. Also, thank you to Elizabeth Z, jarrett, coco and Donnie J for all of the insight that you guys give me. Without giving away the story, it is amazing, but I got some insight on the whole.
Speaker 1:Sid leaving the show thing is premature demise and we're going to go ahead and get into that. This is so profound to me because this is the first time that it's like a main character gone, not a side note. No shade to Shania, linda from Falcon Crest, to Philip from Falcon Crest or Joseph from Dynasty. Who else have we lost? There was one more, there was three people gone, and that was Jacqueline from Falcon Crest. All these people were important, but we've never lost a main character. Listen, I walked in very naive, didn't know what I was walking into, and so it hit a little harder. So I ask you this let this be the last time. As far as I know, I'm not going to underestimate Knotts Landing ever, ever, ever again. But let's go ahead and let's remove our bereavement garments. Let's go ahead and eulogize this man so we can move on with our lives. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, gather round, for we are here to bid a fond and whimsical farewell to our dear Sid Farragate.
Speaker 1:Sid, portrayed by the ever dapper Dawn Murray, was a heart and soul of Knott's Landing Motors. Always ready to lend a wrench and a smile, sid managed to keep the neighbor's cars and drama running smoothly. His perfectly coiffed hair, impeccable sense of JCPenney catalog style and a general vacancy behind the eyes left us all wondering what was going to happen on this here program. Sid's ever fluctuating jersey accent was as unpredictable as the twists and turns of his life. One moment he was a Fonz, the next minute he was a California Bra. His boy-like fascination with fast cars was infectious, and his love for turtlenecks, sears catalogs and JCPenney's clearance rack drip made him the Steve Jobs of the soap opera world. If Steve Jobs had an affinity for high speed chases and dramatic rescue, that is.
Speaker 1:Sid was the kind of guy who could fix a flat tire, mediate a neighborly dispute and still have time to offer sage advice, although poorly thought out, let's be real. Karen's the brain behind this situation, but hey, it's all in a day's work. His unwavering optimism and love for coveralls was only rivaled by his uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time, or, more often, the wrong place at the right time, oh Sid. But let's not forget his impressive knack for dodging the mundane or anything pertaining to his sister. Sid faced everything from kidnapping plots to a business betrayal, and let's not even get started on that whole first woman mechanic affair he may or may not have had on the side of a bendy, rugged, dark and stormy road. Through it all he remained steady as a torque wrench, with a heart of gold and a smile that could melt the coldest engine block. Young women either wanted him or wanted a hundred smackaroos from him, and Sid handled it all with the aloofness and steadfastness of a man who's never had to think for himself. He was a hero Knott's Landing deserved, even if he didn't always wear a cape, but please believe he kept a fresh pair of coveralls at all times. You better believe it.
Speaker 1:Sid leaves behind a colorful cast of mourners His mouthy yet brilliant wife, karen, the brightest teen boomer this side of Mississippi. Diana, second daughter. His mustachioed middle child, eric, the kinetic and energetic little prince. Michael. His promiscuous sister, abby, a stolen niece, a toy trumpet playing nephew. Let's not forget his older daughter, who appeared in the first couple of episodes before moving on. Her name escapes me at this time, but she did go on to become Shia LaBeouf's mom in the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.
Speaker 1:As we bid adieu to Sid, we know he's driving off into the sunset of soap opera, heaven when cliffs don't clangney clank you and where coveralls are okay, where cars never break down and everyone always finds their way back home. We lift a glass and we toast. Here's to Sid. May his spark plugs forever be shiny, his engines ever revving, and his legacy live on in the memories of all who loved and loathed him. Rest in peace, sid. You may be gone from Knott's Landing, but you'll never be forgotten in the hearts of us soapbeans.
Speaker 1:Now I tried to gather as much information as I could about Don Murray and from what I gathered he was him. But as happened stands would have it, I got a little bit ill in between there and that gave one of my very good internet friends, jupiter, the opportunity to fill me in, and I'm so grateful. So I mentioned this before. I feel like any time an actor leaves a soap opera or is killed off in a way, there's usually something going on behind the scenes. For me, grey's Anatomy was one of the first times in my life that I really remembered that there were things like. I was aware that there was trouble behind the scenes and characters began to kind of die off. So I think that's kind of par for the course in series like these.
Speaker 1:It's unusual to me that by season three someone would leave so immediately. I thought did he pull Mr Brigere from Dynasty and ask for more money, like what happened? There wasn't a lot of speculation on Wiki. My ability to do research is good. However, I don't want to spoil anything, so it's like I can't really dive that deep. Jupiter, thank you again for saving me for this one, and I'm going to read a little bit of the behind the scenes.
Speaker 1:So Don Murray slash Sid, wanted to leave the show after season two. So the tea was that he thought he was going to be the lead. Instead it turned out to be more of an ensemble show. If you remember, this is based on like a Swedish show called Scenes of a Marriage or something very close to that. Now my first thought I thought, oh, that's kind of interesting that he would think that. But I did dig into his Wikipedia, dig into his past, and I can totally see why a man of his caliber would believe he'd be the lead. So Knott's Landing turns out to be more of an ensemble show. So the show ended up running for 12 or more seasons after he left and he said that he ultimately regretted leaving.
Speaker 1:Nobody behind the scenes of Knott's Landing has a bad word to say about him. I fully, fully believe that. So it seems like it was an amicable separation. So they had to come up with a way to write him completely off the show. Not so proper style, but he's gone for good good. And it was actually John Plachette or Plachette forgive me if I'm pronouncing that wrong, aka Richard, who was also a writer for several episodes of Non-Landing, who came up with the idea that Sid should die, or so he claimed.
Speaker 1:That's so interesting to me. I love when actors are involved in the story because I feel like you are living this person. This is an alternative reality for you for several months out of the year. You're going to have some insight. There's going to be these little whispers that come to you and tell you how to lead these things. I fully believe that One of my favorite movies and one of my grandma's favorite movies is the Color Purple, and Alice Walker claims that she was kind of fed this story through ghosts. I don't know if I believe all that, but I do believe you get inspiration and you just sort of follow that. So that's interesting. But the tea to me is like okay, so did Richard feel a way about Sid? This is a hell of a way to go flying off of an actual cliff, creating an actual cliffhanger. Is this where the term came from? I'm not really sure I knew there was always going to be something.
Speaker 1:People don't just leave a hit show. They don't just leave a hit show. They don't just kill off a character unless you're a pain in the butt. That just that's the way Hollywood works and sadly Sid had to go. So this show aired in early 1981 and I decided let's do a little digging on who the actor is, don Murray, born July 31st, which happens to be my mom's birthday in 1929.
Speaker 1:She's clearly way younger than that, but he's a Los Angeles native who had been acting for a minute. Matter of fact, his first film, his breakout performance, his debut, was in a movie with Marilyn Monroe in 1956 called Bust Off. He was actually nominated for an Academy Award. I find that so fascinating because when you think about television or Netflix series we stream now, so things are a little bit different. You don't get an Academy Award winner who will go to television after the fact. That just does not happen. You have soap opera stars who may or may not become stars in Hollywood on the big screen, but you very rarely see that sort of back and forth.
Speaker 1:I was surprised to know that Don Murray was in the company of Barbara Bel Geddes and Jane Wyman, who comes from the old Hollywood system. I get it, though Not Signing is a juggernaut of actors. I know we have some thespians with Ted Shackelford and Joe Menarche. Turns out Don Murray was an Academy Award nominee, oh my gosh. So I was super curious to see what he did after he left the show. If any of you are pressed, all of us newbies and novices, don't worry, he was booked and busy. You ever get curious.
Speaker 1:He was in a film called a hateful rain in 1957. Shake hands with the devil in 1959. He played with. He was in that with james cagney, one foot in hell, 1960. The hoodlum priest, which I will make time to watch. I have to to watch that. Advising Consent, 1962 with Henry Fonda and Charles Lawton. Baby, the Rain Must Fall, 1965, with the incomparable Steve McQueen, lee Remick.
Speaker 1:Conquest of the Planet of the Apes in 1972, deadly Hero, 1975. And one of my favorite films of all time that I did not realize was filmed in the 80s. I swear to you you could put gun to my head. I would have told you this film came out in 1993. I would be totally wrong. But Peggy Sue got married with Nicolas Cage. That is one of the best movies. I love it. It's on my top 10.
Speaker 1:Came out in 1986 with Kathleen Turner after he left Knott's Landing. He played, uh, hugh Butterfield in the movie Endless Love with Brooke Shields. Brooke Shields needs to be her own episode because it is. I am so incredibly uncomfortable with her life. Up until she was about 40, 45 years old, he was in I am the cheese 1985, radioactive, radioactive Dreams. Peggy Sue Got Married. 1987's Made In Heaven. 1990's Ghost Can't Do that. 2000, internet Love, 2001, island Prey Elvis Is Alive. And 2021, promise, don't get it twisted. He was a multifaceted actor Circa 1981, he also he was in a television film called Return of the Rebels, thursday's Child in 1983, branigan and the Mapes Quarterback Princess, etc.
Speaker 1:Etc. This man was booked and busy until the end of his life. Unfortunately, we lost Mr Murray at the top of 2024. All right, I think that's it. That's all. Sid is gone and we have to move on.
Speaker 1:Because this episode it really got under my skin. I think I'm going to call the title of this episode Moving In. Mama's got a brand new trash bag, but I really think it could also be called Generational Gaslighting. Gaslighting is at an all-time high on this episode. I want to go ahead and get started with the bit players Now.
Speaker 1:A big chunk of last episode that I left out was that Ginger and Kenny gave birth. Well, ginger gave birth to their daughter Erin Molly Ward. Okay, but in my lifetime I can count maybe two girl errands that I know. I think a 1981 child born in that year is the first millennial. Now that is a whole debatable thing. Some places say 1980, some places say 1981, some people say that it ends in 95, others say it ends in 97. So, whatever, if you know how to work a VCR, you know how to work a DVD player. To me, you're a millennial. People say that it ends in 95. Others say it ends in 97. So, whatever, if you know how to work a VCR, you know how to work a DVD player. To me you're a millennial. Period, point blank. I'm not sure. But think about this If you are a millennial, how many Erin Mollies do you know?
Speaker 1:I can't decide why. I don't love this name. I don't hate it. I, between the ages of, with the exception of that girl, one little people, big world. All the Molly's I know are born before like 1970. Molly, erin Molly Ward, erin Molly Ward. I guess it kind of flows off your tongue, but I just feel a way about it. I'm like their quintessential names would have been Nicole Jessica. How many Jessica's have you gone to school with how many Lisa's do you know? How many Nicole's do you? How many Jessicas have you gone to school with? How many Lisas do you know? How many Nicoles do you know? How many Ambers do you know? How many Jennifers do you know? Sprinkle in a Kelly, a Brittany, maybe an Allison, but like Jessica, jennifer Casey, for some reason, I don't know. No, molly, I don't know nobody named Molly.
Speaker 1:One of the things that caught my attention about that particular episode is that Ginger's giving birth and whoever this actress is, she is not afraid to be, not cute. I thought she was going to pass out, just like I thought Karen was going to pass out, so she's pushing out this baby, but they have her in a birthing chair and I'm like that makes a lot of sense. A lot of times, at least in the US, they try to make you give birth on your back. But she had a reclining chair that kind of dropped out of the bottom and her doctor was the kindest man. Just know that. Little Erin. Molly Ward, god, I just, I don't, I just don't believe anybody in the 80s is named Molly. Am I tripping? We know there's a Molly Ringwald, but, dude, she was born when Late 60s, early 70s had to be. I don't hate it, it's just I've never heard that name before in my life. I can only think of a couple girls named Erin, but Jennifer, jessica, stacey, nicole, amber, angela those are the names of the 80s Vanessa, kimberly, courtney those are 80s names. I'm gonna let it ride. It is what it is.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, abby is still a childless mother. She has no idea where her children are. It's been almost a month and a half. She's starting to feel the weight. So she starts thinking to herself okay, something has to give, and one day she's minding her own business. She's in her house, she's trying to keep busy she's like polishing silver and the phone rings and, by just the grace of God, it's her baby girl, olivia. Olivia's like hey, mom, we're fine. When are you going to come and get us? Come and get us.
Speaker 1:So this sparks Abby's anxiety for the rest of the episode. She doesn't even want to leave her house, which is fine, because she don't have no job, I guess. Even though Jeff is a kidnapper, he's still paying all the bills. So she has the luxury of waiting around at home for a phone call. That may or may not ever happen. So what she starts to do is, she starts to solicit her neighbors and her friends, because you know that little cul-de-sac is tight like glue. They start getting together. She's like, okay, she goes over to Karen as Karen is clearing out Sid's belongings, which is a very touching and sad thing, but luckily they don't linger on it and she asked if Diana can come over and just wait by the phone. That happens the entire episode.
Speaker 1:So at some point one of her regulars or one of the hookups who just still likes her shows up and he was like Abby, I'm here to take you out His name's, brad, can you think of a more California name than Brad? Brad convinces her that she needs at least one night, one time by herself, where she can just vibe. But before that goes down, abby is talking to Karen in their garage, in her and sis garage, and she's like I think I'm going to confront my mother-in-law or my ex-mother-in-law, because there's no way she doesn't know where he is. And you know what I'm with Abby on this. It is a little bit frustrating to me as a viewer that these kids are missing. Even if you think she's a crappy mom, this is cruel. This goes beyond the scope of exercising your parental rights. She deserves to know where they are, and no one not the cops, not the DA, no one will help her. So I'm with Abby. She's like I'm calling BS. There's no way his mama don't know, because I know this woman, so I'm with her. So what she decides to do is she's going to go over to the studio. I guess Jeff's mom is some sort of artist or teacher or she just spends all of her free time. She's a woman of leisure, spends all of her free time painting watercolors.
Speaker 1:Now Abby tells Karen that she's going to go over there because if nothing else, she can get her subpoenaed in court. Now she's doing this with the help of Richard, which is still very uncomfortable because they've been banging each other quietly. Laura seems to be OK with it at this point because the affair is done, but Abby presses Richard like dude, dude, we got to do something. I want her subpoenaed. I want her her telephone records, her being her mother-in-law. I want those records subpoenaed. I gotta get some proof that my babies are somewhere and I need to know where they're at. Laura takes this in stride because Scooter, her boss, is still reeling from the fact that his allegedly 48 year old wife has run off with a 28-year-old ski instructor, so she's tending to him. We haven't actually seen that.
Speaker 1:Abby finally has this confrontation with her mother-in-law and just pisses me off. This is that whole generational gaslighting. She confronts her, she's like I know, you know where your son is, You're not going to sit here and pretend like you don't know. And the mother-in-law is like oh my God, relax, those kids are fine. Why are you acting this way, abby? Oh my God, you should go home and have a drink. There's nothing more infuriating than being a person with an actual point. Remove emotion, if you will. I don't know why people think emotion is so bad. Remove that, if you will. The kids are gone. They were taken from her home without her permission. There should be some conversation, but Jeff's mom will want to act like she's tripping. She's like oh, girl, you need to drink. Oh my God, you're overreacting. Her baby's been gone for six weeks. She's not overreacting.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, this is par for the course. It seems to be that generation you know your girl, jess, a nerd, I had to dig this up Abby and Karen and all these people seem to be sort of the silent generation. I think Abby might be one of the first boomers, but there's always going to be a difference in the way that things are approached and being okay with the fact these kids have been snatched in broad daylight and want to come home and you as a mother, are looking another mother in her face like girl, you need to get drunk, you're tripping. It really irritated me. I was proud of Abby for saying you know what? Do you want to park my language? Do you want to go to jail? You ever been to jail? I'm gonna make sure you go to jail, bet, lover or hater.
Speaker 1:Abby is mom. She deserves to know where her children are, but there seems to be a disconnect between the generations. This seems to be the norm on this episode because, out of nowhere, the main event is actually Valene's alley cat of a mama, miss Lily Mae. You may remember her as a country and western singer from season one, and the backstory goes a little something like this Valene's mama believed she was a country and western superstar to the likes of Loretta Lynn. So she would be gone for weeks and weeks at a time, leaving Valene and her daddy at home by themselves. Now I don't recall if Valene said her dad is dead or not, but we do know that Valene somehow hooked up with Gary about the age of 15. Her mom was mad, neglectful, seems like her dad wasn't doing great, but we really don't know what that story is.
Speaker 1:If you've been listening to this show for any extended period of time, you already know how I feel about a new not necessarily a new character, but a character who is related to one of the main characters. Anytime one of your kin shows up, it's going to be a big problem, and Lily Mae is no exception. So at the top of the program, what we see is an old woman an older woman, we'll be clear in a hotel room and she's packing up things. Only she's packing them in garbage bags. She's doing what she needs to do and then she ties them off with a twisty tie. Tell me why.
Speaker 1:This unlocked a childhood memory. I had totally forgotten that some trash bags came with twist ties because my dad would always just sort of tie them in a knot. But I'm almost embarrassed to admit I am old enough to remember when drawstrings became a thing on trash bags. Can you believe it? Now it's such a norm that I'm like, wow, I kind of forgot. We never use a twist ties like we would save them for bread because, for whatever reason, the bread twist tie always disappeared. So we would just use a trash bag one which were longer. It worked out perfectly, but I'm like, wow, I forgot that was a thing.
Speaker 1:Anyway, lily Mae is staying in this hotel motel holiday and she really can't afford the rent. So what she does is she put all her good stuff in a in a in trash bags, and she peeks out her door and she sees that the bellhop is sort of coming around to collect trash. So she puts all her bags outside of her room or on this cart for whatever reason, we don't really know why. First, she then goes downstairs. She's holding her weird instrument whatever it is, it's not a ukulele, it's like some sort of piano string instrument. She holds that. She goes is. It's not a ukulele, it's like some sort of piano string instrument. She holds out, she goes downstairs and she's holding a suitcase Well, the super has had about enough of her riffraffery and he's like yo, yo, country woman, where's my rent?
Speaker 1:Now she does this thing that I've seen 180 times with very old women. Remember, I grew up, my formative years are with geriatric people and that country dumb is like as easy as breathing. Lily Mae clutches her cheap pearls, she's like oh my God, what are you talking about? He's like where's my money? You ain't getting a suitcase back till I get my money. So he takes her suitcase. Unbeknownst to him, it's empty, empty. Lily Mae is unbothered because she has pulled all her belongings in the trash bag. So when she goes down to the alley she collects her things, she puts them in a grocery cart, which a lot of homeless people seem to have access to, and she pushes it around the streets of Los Angeles. Now this is important because Valene and Gary think she's gone off to Nashville or something. But no, she's. She's been in LA this entire time.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, back at the cul-de-sac, everyone is waiting for Gary's debut on television. Sid is dead. Business needs to be warmed up. So they put Gary in all of his finest, because you know he keeps a tight outfit, he wears a shmedium proudly and all that he does. They're going to put Gary on television to see if he can generate some business. So tonight is supposed to be the premiere and Valene has planned a party Everybody's going to come through. The commercial is supposed to air a little after 7 pm. They're all going to be there. Now Gary's nervous because he's like I'm not an actor, what am I gonna do? Val's like don't even worry about it.
Speaker 1:It's worth noting that they are extremely lovey-dovey, touchy-feely. This episode, which I literally have never seen of them, it's very weird. That actually stood out to me before anything else, was like why are they? Did I miss something? Why are they so into each other? Anyway, back to Lily Mae.
Speaker 1:So Lily Mae goes to a park and it is abundantly clear that she is a full-blown narcissist. I know that is a key word in the year of our lord, 2025. The homegirl really is. So she's at this public park in LA, so you can already imagine. There's probably well over two, three, 300 people there. She sits on a bench. Well, actually, she tries to buy a newspaper. She tries to steal the newspaper, but the newspaper hut guy is up on game and he already knows her type. He's like yo, yo, yo, this ain't a library. You want to read? Keep it moving, go to the library. Lily Mae, of course, feigns ignorance. Oh my God, god, I would never, but she would.
Speaker 1:She actually ends up going to this park or there's, like I said, in la. There's probably hundreds of people there. She parks her grocery cart and she fishes through the garbage to find the newspaper. Now, as she's sitting reading, she seems to think she's in blake's uh library and dynasty. As these kids come by playing, she starts actually putting her hands on the children. I'm like god bless the 80s. You could beat the crap out of whoever you wanted with very little consequence. Get out of here, get out of shoot.
Speaker 1:While this happens, a no good dirt bag is scoping out the scene and he witnesses a homeless lady with a purse. I don't think he's a very good thief because if I'm gonna be stealing money, the last person I would steal money from is a woman who has a shopping cart full of all of her belongings. I'm not being judgy, I'm just saying nine times out of ten she probably ain't got a lot of money on her. I can't imagine she put in a purse. He don't think that through. He snatches her purse and he takes off running like Flojo. Luckily there's a cop pretty close. He does a sort of stutter step dance and then he runs.
Speaker 1:Our girl, lily Mae, is witnessing. She's trying her best to mind her business but ultimately she succumbs as a guy makes a loop-de-loop around the park. She's like damn. She ends up pushing her shopping cart full of all her belongings. In front of said purse-snatching scumbag, he trips all over himself. The Pelees are able to apprehend him. She becomes a hero.
Speaker 1:So flashback to Valene's house. They're all waiting for the commercial. To my shock and surprise, gary kills it. He's really good on TV. I was like, oh my god, go, gary, forgive me y'all. My neighbor saw this one eighth in the background. It was going on.
Speaker 1:First have to persevere, well, as the cul-de-sac gang is celebrating. Right after that there's this whole commercial that comes on. Well, the news comes on. Not a commercial, it's news. And the news is like there's this old buddy who's a grandmother and a singer who just saved another woman's life, blah, blah, blah. Tell me why is li Lily Mae on tv now she's going on and on about how she is a country and western singer when she just did what was right she needed to save somebody. And they say her name. Valene hears it and she's like oh my god. Seems like Laura remembered her, which I think is kind of interesting. But yeah, they figure out that Lily Mae is in town.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing Valene is pissed because she and her auntie, june seem to be close. Maybe her name is not June. I'm sorry. This is working, but Valene, her auntie seem to be very close and her auntie has told her girl, I can't stay with your mama, she cannot come stay with me. I don't know where she lives, she can't stay with me. She and Gary, eileen that is, are kind of pissed that they didn't know she was in LA all this time. They thought she was in Nashville. So they end up tracking her down. She comes to stay with him and they're still in the mood. They're all kissy, kissy, boo-boo face. And in comes Lily Mae.
Speaker 1:Now, if you have been watching this in real time or if you've recently started to watch this, you know Lily Mae has a presence about herself. She sort of sucks all the air out of the room, which isn't a bad thing. She's very charming. She's very um, personable. She has, she has a quality. I just don't know if it is a star quality. She seemed to think it's a star quality. So when she shows back up, valine is trying to be a good christian woman and like, okay, my mom is back, but she really feeling her. This is noteworthy because valine in season three, and at least at the end of season two, she seems to have found somewhat of a voice. She's found a little bit of an identity and so she's trying to exercise that with the people around her.
Speaker 1:Last episode I've never been more proud of her. She did not let g bait her, she did not let him draw her into anything. She put him in check and he submitted. He did what he needed to do. But this episode is a little bit more of a struggle. So Lily Mae, being this sort of uber narcissist, is only thinking about her career.
Speaker 1:Valene and Gary want to know hey, why don't you let us know? You were here. Oh, I didn't want to burden you. I get by, I get by. But the truth is she's an alley cat. She don't get by because she's working. She gets by because she is stealing. I note that distinction because if you are a country and Western singer even someone who's playing at bars you have some sort of income. It does not appear that she has any sort of income. So what happens as the show progresses is that she has gotten a little bit of local fame because she's been on the news and our record. People are reaching out to her. So Valene says mama, I can take you, I just got to go to my class Before we go any further.
Speaker 1:If Valene is the Vidalia Onion Queen and I've already explained before what I think that means what is her mother? The Countess of Crunch the Cabbage Countess? I don't really know who she is. She's not a great role model. She does not give me small town beauty queen with a heart of gold. She gives me hustler. She gives me if she was alive today, modern day scammer, that sort of thing definitely medicaid fraud is what I'm feeling from her. So I'm curious, guys, go ahead and reach out to me via text and let me know what you think valine, vidalia onion queen, mother's name is. In my opinion, valine does not descend from her, so I'm giving her the countage of crunchy cabbage. She is the potato popper. She is the Vidalia vagrant. She ain't no Vidalia onion queen. I'm telling you that right now. And that's another thing.
Speaker 1:Vidalia the onion queen, valene the Vidalia onion queen it's quite embarrassing now that her mother is a vagrant. So the woman is staying in her house. But, truth be told, t is that Valene don't want her there. Gary seems to be very amused with this and it makes me want to slap his chin off of his face. I want to slap his face the way Daffy Duck used to get his beak slapped to the back of his head. What do you find so humorous about this? I don't think it's funny that Valene lives in a house filled with the biggest egomaniacs this side of the Mississippi. It is a problem. Well, anyway, ar people are waiting for Lily Mae. Valene offers to take her down to the AR place, but she don't want to hear that.
Speaker 1:So this is all accumulating in Valene's guest bedroom as her mother is like knitting or something. So Valene comes to the door and her mom's like oh my god, baby, if I didn't know how old you were, I thought I think you was a teenager. How are you like in college? Valine tell her she loves it. And her mom's like yeah, education is important. Now, no fault of my own, I know you didn't get a good education now, but don't play with me. You don't get to run off and chase your dreams and not tend to your baby's future. So in some parts it's your fault, but at the end of the day, thankfully she raised or Valene's daddy raised a very resilient woman. Anyway, mom was like hey, so what are you studying down at that college?
Speaker 1:And Valene says I'm taking a creative writing course. I'm happy to hear this because I'd sort of forgotten about this after the whole Earl thing, earl and Judy thing. I didn't know if he was serious or not. That episode kind of left me thinking. I don't know if she was really a good writer, if he just saw an end. It seemed like he just saw an end, but I don't know. She seems to be pursuing it. So if nothing else, she's interested in that, which is a good thing, because she anything valine does to find a piece of this world for herself. I'm gonna support. I think it's a good thing. She needs that and I love to see her coming out of her shell.
Speaker 1:So she tells her mom about the creating writing course and tell me why this woman, who was well into her 60s, scoffs like girl, you can't, can't. Nobody teach you how to write. You either can or you can't. This is natural, and singing and I'm singing came to me naturally. I was able to do this since the time I was born. It's natural to me is breathing. And then she says god, I thought you were learning something important down there and you start to see why valine is this sort of folding in version of herself and it amplifies how much she was able to sort of speak up for herself in Dallas and otherwise.
Speaker 1:So Lily Mae opts to take a bus to the A&R or to the record company so she can talk to the A&R person and her dreams are finally coming true. Only, she's got a little petty theft in her blood and she decides to be on declepto and steal a scarf or something and this detective finds out she's arrested. It's a whole thing. Jim's going to jail and, um, the store is going to press charges. So of course valet and gary have to jump in now. Mind you, lily may has already made it known that her daughter is a texas ewing, so the Ewing name is big, big, big.
Speaker 1:The frustrating part about all of this is that Lily Mae did indeed steal the scarf. There's no excuse for it. But she keeps saying no, I just wanted to see it in the light of day. Now you cannot be that privileged, and at least in the United States there's no version of anything where you get to take an item outside of the store, especially when they have a picture window. Just holds up to the window, but she refuses to acknowledge that she is a thief. So what had happened is Richard is once again minding his own business. He's drawn into this, he's turned over in the lead and he's like listen, just like. This is dumb. Just be real.
Speaker 1:Lily Mae insists that she is innocent, so of course it goes before the courts. As she stands before the court, she is still waxing poetic about how she would never. She has enough money. She has this. And the judge is an elderly man who's listening to all this. And Lily Mae I can't stress this enough Lily Mae is a star. She knows what she's doing. She knows how to draw you in with that Southern charm. She knows how to play up her weaknesses. I am but a slight older grandmother. There's no way I would steal anything. I simply thought I could take it outside, in view and in the light of day. That's all I wanted to do, your Honor.
Speaker 1:So the judge hears all this, right, and then he says well, do you have any family here? She says yes, my daughter and my son-in-law here. So he asked them to approach the bench. Tell me why, out of all the people in the courtroom, it's not Allie Cabbage Crunch's mother, who's a thief and a vagabond and a scallywag, and every sensible one it's not gary hanging on ewing and his skin tight. He is he's. He invented skims before skims was invented. It ain't him and his whorish ways and his mafioso ties. It is by dahlia, the onion queen, who is chastised.
Speaker 1:Now the judge is like my god, little girl, this is a cry for help. If your mother is out here stealing stuff, it's because she's been neglected by you. You should be the first person jumping in to save her. This is bull. I can't believe you let this happen to your mother, are you? Are you serious? Now? He's not silent generation. I think they call him the greatest. He was born 1901-ish. Are you serious, your Honor? How is this Valene's fault?
Speaker 1:Now, what pissed me off the most is that they asked some character witnesses. The manager at the hotel was like no, this woman's a full-on thief and I'm sure she's been doing this for well over a year. But no, valene has to bear the burden, and the most frustrating part to me is that she does not receive any support from Gary. So mama ends up coming back to live with her house and Valene expresses at some point in this episode like yo. I am pissed off at this woman. I don't want to help her. Do you think she ever helped me in my life? No, she was always in and out of my life. She disappeared for months and months at a time, leaving me and my daddy in that holler, nothing to do. And do you know, when I showed up to this woman's house with my baby girl, she turned me away. And now I'm supposed to kiss her behind and make sure she has a safe group. And I got. I got chastised by a judge. I've never wanted to reach through television more to hug a person than I did in that moment. I'm like this is wild. She has been dealing with this woman her whole life. This woman will never take any responsibility.
Speaker 1:And what's more, is the next morning after all of this happens. You know Valene is always accommodating. The next morning she and Gary come downstairs and Gary's headed to work. You know he ignored her blueberry pancakes, so it's not likely he'll eat breakfast. Valene likes to run in the morning to just clear her head. Probably she needs the exercise to clear her mind.
Speaker 1:Lily Mae has made a complete mess. She's made a huge presidential continental breakfast for 15 people, knowing there's only three. So Valene's like God this is going to take so long. But Gary just is tickled pink. He thinks it's so funny that this woman has been on TV, that she saved, saved somebody. He thinks it's all just so humorous.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she made a big breakfast I'll eat it, lily Mae and it was in that moment that I saw something. I said, wow, okay, valene, who has recently found her voice, tries to speak up. I say that because she says words out of her mouth only. Her audience is Gary and it is a muffler, so it falls on deaf ears and then she just sort of is defeated. Knott's Landing, does the Knott's Landing thing where she doesn't say anything. She just leaves the kitchen and she goes and she sits on the stairs. And I saw in that moment a little girl who is used to this.
Speaker 1:It's so upsetting to me because, as a real life mother, you always tell your children to you know, advocate for yourself, speak up, defend yourself and no one else will defend you. And here's the reality about that. Sometimes your boldest statement, your most secure statement, pierces the heart of people who need to hear it. Other times it's barely a scratch and unfortunately for valine, who has recently found her voice, who has recently found some sort of footing, who is finding herself in all these ways tries to express this and it falls on deaf ears. I was really pissed to watch gary and valine's mom sort of laugh off her distress. It's just unforgivable to me personally. Gary, you have went through all this strife. You have run away from your family, you understand toxicity, you understand what it means to have a boundary, to have a person who has not always done well by you, and you can only do so much. But he just thinks, oh my gosh, just let her do whatever she wants. She's tickled paint now. Lily may doesn't seem to want to hear any of valine's grievances and it just. It makes me really sad for her. But you know what. That's what it is. On knots landing.
Speaker 1:Season three, episode four. Understand this sometimes your best, you're boldest, sometimes your most secure statement will land and pierce the heart of people. It needs to. Other times their ego is too big. They can't hear you. I wish I had an answer. I wish I had some advice. I really don't know what to do in that situation.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, this episode was good. It was a doozy. We are moving on from Sid and we're going to jump back into our regularly scheduled program. I hope you enjoyed yourself. Remember you can always leave me a text within the show notes. If you're listening to this on your mobile advice. I want to hear your thoughts and I really want to hear the names we have for for Lily Mae. She can't be the Vidalia Onion Queen 2.0. We need something new for her. In the meantime, in between time, join me next time as we jump back into our regularly scheduled soapy debauchery. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized. Speak your mind. Maybe it'll get you where you need to. Maybe it won't. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your business and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, bye.