Soaplore

Bonus- A little more Lore- I Still Hate the 80's but....... Do I Hate An 80's Dance Flick????

• Jett Shae • Episode 260

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Speaker 1:

I have a lover and you know that I'm a dirty mother. It's true. Talk it's. Who do you think you are? I'm gonna stop you like an animal and beat you like a cannibal and make your body pay. I'm a seven son. I'm a seven one gathering place where newbies, novices and OGorg fans are the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet, diving into a special treat today. I'm your host, jet, diving into a special treat.

Speaker 1:

Today, instead of our usual sudsy episodes, we're reviewing a surprise film from the 1980s starring one of our beloved vintage primetime soap opera stars. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell they have no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in earshot. Be cool, be quiet or be prepared to get kicked out because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord, the bonus movie review episode. Hello, gorgeous episode, hello, gorgeous, welcome. Or welcome back to another blindfolded edition of soap lore.

Speaker 1:

I. I don't know about you, but it's been intense. We are about a teaspoon of the way into season three of not slandering, and it's been real. We are about, you know, more than halfway through season three of Knott's Landing, and it's been real. We are about, you know, more than halfway through season four of Dynasty Dallas and Falcon Crest, and it's been even realer.

Speaker 1:

I thought we would take a moment, let our senses catch up to themselves and remind ourselves. While we're doing this and I'm saying all this, are we, are we, what is this? We still? I still hate the 80s. Let there be no qualms about that. I despise the 80s. I still think it's a joke, even though it was born in that decade. But there, I can admit that watching these shows has softened me up to it. Now the nonce landing is still like 1981, so I'm like that's still the 70s. There's something about that that I really enjoy. I think it comes down to me just like hating plastic or something I don't really know.

Speaker 1:

But I decided let's expand our thought process. My biggest fear in life is that I will die a complete teetotal fool, and that's just not going to happen. I'm going to open my mind to new experiences. I'm going to challenge some of my qualms and some of my thoughts about things that I don't really understand. Why I feel the way I do, I just do, and I'm also going to respect my opinion in the process. So I had an idea.

Speaker 1:

Several several months back, we eulogized Philip from Falcon Crest and I was shocked to find out that he had married Audrey Hepburn. Not only married her, but they had a whole baby. There's a whole Philip-Audrey hybrid running around Earth right now, and I was none the wiser. I'm like oh my God, there's so much more outside of these soap operas. Although they are magnetic and I think about them all the time, I'm enjoying every single episode, there's still a world outside of this. Now, as far as I can tell, it's no surprise when you have like a Jane Wyman or Barbara Bel Geddes. They are the old school Hollywood. They have gone from being on the silver screen to the television screen and I think that's a natural progression. There's nothing to snub your nose out at that, but it's not something you see a lot nowadays. So I decided on that particular episode. I'm like well, let me see what else you got going on for yourself. Maybe I will enjoy one of your films, maybe I'll enjoy one of your television films.

Speaker 1:

Enter a surprise I didn't see coming. There's just no way I could have predicted one more time. I can't stand the 80s. Now I will admit. I can admit when I'm wrong. There are bangers. There are some wonderful things that came out of it. I love the movie mannequin. I love the movie break into electric boogaloo. There is some molly ringwald film. I definitely watched it in the 90s but I could tell it was made in the 80s and she's pregnant and she has, like this really hot boyfriend and they move into a studio and some I don't really know what it's called, but I remember thinking, oh my god, if I'm not careful I can be pregnant as a teenager and I'll have to live in this, this riffraffery, even though I really like the apartment that's neither here nor there. I thought to myself let's just dig that, let's see what else these people were doing in their stardom.

Speaker 1:

As an elder millennial, one of the first people I think of a lot of times is the cast of Grey's Anatomy. It's just one of those things. I was watching it during college, I watched it after college and it's like I can remember Katherine Heigl doing the Chucky movie. I don't know if that's about the same time, but it seems like if she, she either started Chucky and then got Grey's Anatomy, or she was in the first two or three seasons of Grey's Anatomy and did the Chucky movie. But it's like it's so much fun for me to see those early films. I think I saw one time that Jennifer Aniston was in Leprechaun.

Speaker 1:

These are the things I live for. I like to see actors earning their keep earning their money. You have to have a crappy job, in my personal opinion, to appreciate a good one. You have to work in customer service at the bottom, like as a busboy to really really appreciate people when they serve you at your table. It's just there's something about that going through the ringer. Maybe it's the millennial in me that believes you have to kind of struggle a little bit in order to appreciate the good thing. Why not take it to the extreme with our actors on these soap operas? So I'm minding my business. I'm keeping this sort of running tab in my mind of okay, these are all major actors. Let me just look up some of their films. It's no surprise that the older actors, the ones from the golden age of Hollywood. Of course they have just some major hitters under their belt. But I stumbled upon something when looking at one of the newbies, aka one of the newbies in the 80s. It's no surprise it is none other than Lance Compson.

Speaker 1:

I have talked at length about Lorenzo Lamas in his renegade era because I understand that I've seen it. But did mogul that he was a hip-hop um breakout star? Did you know that he had a movie equivalent to break into electric boogaloo? That is what we are enjoying today. Listen, okay, I'm not here to rain on anybody's parade.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I give a tongue-in-cheek review of these people acting. It's no secret I don't think this is his finest work. I feel like what are we on season four of Falcon Crest? Lorenzo Llamas was a new B when he started acting, but you know what he's earning his keep? He's getting better and better. He's emoting a little bit more. But what I gather from watching him in the beginning of Falcon Cross and I've watched some interviews of him within the last year or two he's just not an overly expressive person. But you know what? It don't really matter, because, a he's hot. B he's tall, tall, dark and handsome. And c there is this sort of simmering bone deep. No, it's not even bone deep, it is dna deep, bone marrow deep, confidence that he emotes. He might. He don't have to say a lot to convince you that he's confident. And, ladies and gentlemen, we all know that speaks volumes.

Speaker 1:

But to my shock and a little bit of horror, I could not believe. I'm looking at films from all of the characters, every single one, on every single episode of every single show we've ever watched. I was floored to see that in 1984, lorenzo the Llamas was like I'm going to be in a dance movie. Now, I had heard about this before. I remember when Caitlyn Jenner and her prime right after the decathlon was in like a dance film. So I'm like, was this just kind of a money grab? Was this just a thing where people are in films because their star was rising? But then I remembered, are in films because their star was rising? But then I remembered no, no, no, no, no. Lorenzo Lomas was in Greece in 1978, which is not that far back from 1984. So is he this budding actor? Is he this budding singer? What is his deal? Be prepared to find out Now.

Speaker 1:

I have not watched the film at the time of this intro, but you better believe I'm going to sit my butt down, I'm going to watch it through and through and then I will come back and get my review. I need to say this one more time. I can't stand the 80s, and it's for reasons I don't fully understand. I've expressed that in several episodes, but I can always admit when I'm wrong. There are some bangers, there are some films.

Speaker 1:

Coming to America is one of my favorite films. There's just there's a Madonna movie where she opens a cigarette case and just left this impression in front of me. I want it like a silver case. I hate smoking. I don't smoke, but I wanted it. There's ways to be influenced by a generation. I think I just don't understand it. And the deeper I get into my soaps, the more I start to like it. If I'm being honest, I was a little bit concerned about that. So I have pulled up the trailer for this movie and I'm going to be real with you. I said this is exactly what I'm talking about right here. This is all the things I hate. This is exactly what I'm talking about the neon, the over-the-top spray-painted clothes, everybody shucking and jiving. It seemed too much for me personally, but I have to swallow my pride Now. I have to swallow my pride because I already told you I enjoy the movie Breaking 2 Electric Boogaloo. I'm not sure.

Speaker 1:

When I saw this I was conscious of it in the 90s. I'll never forget. I'm sitting in my aunt's house. My Gen X cousins are running around doing their chores. We're going to go to the next town over to go to the mall. I get you know, I'm too young to do chores. So I'm just kind of vibing in front of the TV and I had the biggest crush. What was it? His name's like Ozone and something else. I thought he was the coolest. Now I look past the 80s garb because I'm like this um, that's not my favorite outfit, but he was fine, fine to me, both of them actually. I have the biggest crush on them. So I'm gonna rock into this with the same sort of open-mindedness that I allowed myself, at like five years old, to do back in the early 90s.

Speaker 1:

I also got to say that I think every generation deserves their dance flicks. Right, you need teen movies, you need corny things to kind of catapult you into adulthood. And I'm not going to sit here and joke about that. I think it's fun, I think it's amazing and I'm really, really excited actually to watch this film. I don't think I'll like it because the 80s aesthetic, but I am pumped to watch it in my own time.

Speaker 1:

I'm thinking of well, we have the dance parodies, we had dance movie, we had Step it Up. I'm going to count, bring it On. I know a lot of people don't, but it's a cheerleading movie, I'm going to count, bring it On. I'm going to to count, save the Last Dance. High school musical happens Like we all have to kind of contend with these things. Every generation deserves their sort of teen movie flick, and this seems to be that. So, without further ado, I'm going to stop my jaw jacking. We are going to enjoy or endure 1984's Body Rock starring Lorenzo Llamas, aka Lance Compson from Falcon Crest. Baby, I don't know how you I got it.

Speaker 1:

Let's say you're talking to an alien and you're like, hey, we have these things called dance flicks, we have these dance movies that sort of capture the mood at a time, or at least try to induce the mood of a time. How would you explain that to an alien? I don't think I can. So I'm gonna allow chester, aka chili d, to introduce himself to you. Chester, what kind of work would you like? I would do basically anything. There must be some kind of work you want to take. Well, I wouldn't want to do anything too nasty, such as, such as. I wouldn't want to be a trash man or something like that. If you could do anything you wanted, what would that be? Anything? Sure, I would like to be like muhammad ali in his prime. Okay, you're like. Okay, what is that? Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chester.

Speaker 1:

Now, at the beginning of the film there is a lot of music and I believe there's a song called body rock. Body rock, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. And you see these teenagers, or young men at least, walking through town. They are shaking up paint cans. They're obviously going to be graffiti artists at some point during the day. They're just kind of cock-a-cock-a-cocking with each other and they go to, you know, they cross this crosswalk and they see this woman minding her own business, trying to get to work, and they all stop and do like pop locking dance moves to her Fully what I'd, I expect. I can't judge this. I can't say this is from the 80s, this is 80s, 90s, 2000, 2024. This is the same thing. I don't think any intro to any dance movie would be very different.

Speaker 1:

We get to see the pop lockers, if you will. They are headed to um a bare piece of property, I assuming, so that they can graffiti it with their body rock company because they're a crew, they're a dance crew. They got to be that. Unfortunately for them, on today they are caught by the police and some of them are apprehended. Now, as luck would have it, as happenstance would have it, chester, who seems to be the leader of the crew, although he's the least talented, he is apprehended.

Speaker 1:

He is taken down to the station and the interview you just heard is between he and some sort of social worker who's like hey, chester, chester, not a child, you know what? What do you want to do with your life? Surely you don't want to just paint on the side of buildings. What do you want to do with your life? Surely you don't want to just paint on the side of buildings? What do you want to do? And that's when he gives you I want to be, oh, muhammad Ali, my prime now.

Speaker 1:

This is prime time to, to, to notice that this kid has um. I don't know if his aspirations aren't great, but he's not great at vocalizing them, which is not a surprise for Lorenzo Lama circa 1984. He's not an emoter. You got to work with him, you got to let him be him and let this be what it is. So Chester is in this crew. Excuse me, let me be, let me stop being disrespectful. His name is not Chester, that's his government name, that's a slave name. His name is Chili D, chili D, chili D the Chili D is part of the Body Rock crew and they like to dance and dance and boogie, woogie, all those sort of things. Now his dream is making it big. He has this sort of dream because he knows this other artist who has recently made it big and he used to be not necessarily from their crew, but he was affiliated.

Speaker 1:

It is worth noting that chili d is dressed. I I guess it's a b-boyish, I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's hollywood, I don't know if it's real life, but he is open, chestacled. I can see all of his torso. He's got on a denim vest. He's got on something underneath it. It's definitely spray painted, and the social worker's like hey, chili, um, I'm. Do you always look like this when you go out for a job interview? Do you usually dress the way you look today? Absolutely, I like to look fresh, fresh, yeah, fresh. She's like boy. Bye, lord, have mercy. He clearly ain't finna get no nine to five job, but it doesn't matter, because chili has bigger things in hand. He has bigger thoughts in his mind, he has bigger dreams. He is a dancer and his crew needs to be famous because he understands this is a possibility because of this kid that he knows from the neighborhood.

Speaker 1:

Chili's best friend in the whole world, easy, was also apprehended and easy's more concerned with his future because he's like my dad's going to kick me out if I don't find a real job. Chili wants to remind him that look a brazier or bizarre brizar. Brizar can come up, so can we. So Brizar is this very handsome young black man with an afro, cornrow mullet. I have never in my life seen anything like it. So imagine a jerry curl afro up. It's a mullet. Think of a mullet, right? So you know business. In the front, party in the back, the business is a slightly, very lightly jerry-curled afro up top. Now the party in the back is the Stevie Wonder Hotter Than July cover album type of hairdo. This baby got an afro, he got braids and he got beads.

Speaker 1:

As a little black girl, I understand that takes a lot of time to correct. It's magical. I've never in my life seen anything like it. It takes a lot of time to correct. It's magical. I've never in my life seen anything like it. So Easy's like yo. But Brazier or Bizarre has all these connections uptown. We don't have that. Chili's like, don't even worry about it. Leave that up to me. He formulates a plan to go up to an executive uptown so that he can invite him downtown to their little club and he can witness the body rock crew.

Speaker 1:

Now you got to talk like this, this whole thing. Everybody is very edgy and very Lorenzo Lomas. Do I buy it? I'm no, I don't, not really. But also he's so confident I'm like. I mean he must. He must clearly know what he's talking about and we get to understand that, because if he walks around the neighborhood it is very clear that he is respected. He walks right into their little club and he goes up to uh, a gang member, quote unquote with his arm, he's got on sunglasses, he doesn't speak, so I'm assuming he's a gang member and he's like yo. I'm just here to watch my little brother, but Chiladie is his homeboy. Now, this is exactly as I'm watching this like. This is exactly what I'm talking about. I can't blame the 80s for this. I can also blame the 90s.

Speaker 1:

There was always this sort of influx of urban presentation to where it's as if these people who live in the United States can't understand you speaking, your normal day-to-day inflection and all that. They need you to pretend to shuck and drive so that you can understand them. It always pissed me off back in the day and in this film God, I'm almost embarrassed to admit this it's almost genuine, it's almost endearing. Easy and the rest of the crew. There's a guy named Snake, ricky Ricardo or Ozzy Rock. There is a little boy named Magic who needs to be in school, but he's outside dancing in the street. It's a whole thing. Is it any different than any one of the step ups? It's not. I was humbled 10 minutes into this film, even though I'm like this is gonna be some craziness. Oh baby, oh baby. You have no idea.

Speaker 1:

One of the identifying factors of a dance flick is that there's going to be dance breaks, not just one or two, there's going to be several, because dance is a language. In a film like this, dance is the other character. So if you need someone to understand who you are, even though you come from different worlds, you express that through movement, kinetic energy. You have to pop, lock and show them who you are. This is no different.

Speaker 1:

So at 10 minutes into the film we see chili d enter, uh, the club. He tells who is the resident gang leader hey, what's up? What's up? Teddy? Teddy's like I'm just here to see my brother. His brother is Magic. Magic spells magic with a J because he's ironic and I think they needed to differentiate between Magic Johnson, who was probably at his prime during circa 1984.

Speaker 1:

So they enter the club and Chili D is an mc of sorts. You notice immediately he's not a dancer. His homeboy, easy, is the dancer, slash dj. But they get right to the dance break and, dare I say it, I was like, wow, this is one of the things that I enjoy the most dance and someone being able to sing really well, something. Any sort of artist who was able to convey their, their talent quickly and obviously is always going to be a star. I don't care if it's 1901, I don't care if it's the year 2301. People are always drawn to the talented. There is no doubt that these people in this film are extremely, extremely talented. Whether it's 1984 or it's 2024, they are killing it.

Speaker 1:

So there's this probably like eight minute dance break where we get to see these kids in the club and you finally understand. Okay, I see why Chile, chile, chile D is so cocky. His crew is the truth and it is his job as a leader of said crew to get them to that next level. He wants them to be like Afro mullet braid boy and he thinks they could be, you know, represented properly so long as they reach out to someone on that side. So if Berserk can make it, they can make it. It's also worth noting that as Chili D walks into the club, there's just random girls who already have boyfriends throwing themselves at them. He's kissing them in the mouth like he's Elvis or somebody. He is that dude. It's an emotion I can't let down. It's an expression you've got to shake. Some call it real, some call it fun. So as the music plays, the crowd goes wild. It is clear to him that yo, we've got it, we've got it made. We just got to get downtown and figure out how to get this legalized. So what they end up doing, chili and EZ, they end up going downtown and they start talking to this kid named Terrence. Now, terrence, as far as I can tell, it seems like he has some sort of affiliation with the streets. Maybe he was a B-boy back in the day, but he doesn't seem to be that now.

Speaker 1:

Chili slithers his way into the office. He seduces the lady painting her nails at the front desk as a receptionist. She is not worried about being fired, she is not bothered in any way. He interrupts a meeting and Chili ends up taking him in and he's like hey, I see what you've done for Brazil, brazil, can you do that for me and my crew? And Terrence is very, very quick to kind of just blow him off at first. So he blows him off. Chili tries to lock down a meeting. It's not really happening and Chili gets up to leave, only the phone rings. So he gets to overhear what Terrence is talking about. So Terrence is on the phone and here's the tea.

Speaker 1:

Terrence has all these new nightclubs that need entertainment, they need dancers, they need DJs, they need all sorts of accoutrements at the clubs. And Chili hears this and he's like uh duh, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. So he sits back down and as Terrence turns around in his Dr Evil chair, he sees Chili and he's like what are you still doing here? Chili's like yo, I got a whole thing, I can take care of everything you need. Come by my club in a couple of days and we'll let you see what's up now. Naturally, this is the birth of yet another dance break, but it's also the realization of Chili that Chili is like yo.

Speaker 1:

I am in Body Rock Crew, I am the MC, I introduce all the people, but I really can't dance. So what he does is he reaches out to Magic Spell with a J and he's like Magic baby boy, I need you to help me become a b-boy, because otherwise I'm gonna embarrass myself when Terrence and his crew come down to our club. So there's this whole other sequence where Chili and Magic are dancing. Now Magic has his own spotlight. It's like a minute and a half and I'm embarrassed. To admit this is the first time I realized that they are in New York. I knew they were in some sort of urban setting. You really couldn't tell what it was. I was thinking they were in Chicago, but as I started to look around I'm like, oh my God, this is New York.

Speaker 1:

So there's this huge crowd of people gathering around Magic who is no older than like eight, nine old. He is pop lock and he is not in school. He is not getting his education? It is irrelevant. They're like yo, we need you, and. And magic charges one dollar for these, just immaculate performances. So his magic pop locks and drops it. He's like yo, chile, I need you to come over here and you can learn this from me, okay. So I'm gonna be very, very honest now.

Speaker 1:

I am a person who happens to have rhythm. You can blame it on my heritage, you can blame it on I don't know what, but I happen to have rhythm. It's not hard for me to catch a beat and ride that beat on. Lorenzo Lomas seems like he has rhythm, but for whatever reason, he seems like he's lacking. I don't think. I don't think it's because he's untalented, not at all. I think it's because he is. He's, he's dancing with professionals, even though they maybe they're not getting the money professionals to get. These are street dancers who are just immaculate, like. I can't stress this enough. These people are incredibly talented and he just is not there. So I don't want to say that he sucks, but it's just like you just ain't them. That's all I can say.

Speaker 1:

So there's this whole damn sequence where Magic with a J takes him all through the city. It takes him through the zoo, madagascar style, and he learns to dance, et cetera, et cetera. Only he, just he hit me. He does a moonwalk. I'm like that, amj, it doesn't. It's not that he's bad, it's just that he's not the best. Does that make sense to you that he's not the best? Does that make sense to you? He's not the best? So it just it hits a little bit differently. For me, as someone who's born in in the early 80s, who's watched many, many dance films, it's just not the best.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't really matter, because Chilly has invited Taryn and his crew to their club. Now, the name of the club escapes me. It doesn't matter, it's the Body Rock Crew at this club they always go to. I feel like it has something to do with Janet Jackson. So Rhythm Nation Rhythm, something like that, something like that. Anyway, terrence and his people show up and it is all dudes, it is total sausage fest and it's one girl, girl. So they show up to the club and I hate to admit it.

Speaker 1:

This is the point in the film where I am fully invested, because it's like these kids are showing up, they're dancing, they are killing it, they're doing like neon skeletons, they're putting on a full show with no money, no, nothing. They're making the best of the situation and tarrant and his people come through. But here's the. They are a little bit intimidated by theo and his gang quote unquote who wear sunglasses inside the club and they only showed up because they wanted to watch magic. Who's the baby magic is no older than about seven, eight years old, so they put on this entire fantastic I can't even stress this enough fantastic show, only to realize about 75 through the show they realize that theo and his excuse me, terrence and his people have bounced. They have gone. So Chili, not one to be played because word he's on the street. Chili goes up to Terrence's office and he's like yo, wtf, why did you bounce in the middle of our extravaganza? And Terrence is like I didn't really need to see much more. We want you Now.

Speaker 1:

It is worth noting at this point in this movie, in this film, that Chili D, aka Chester Chester, the best dancer, is the worst person in Body Rock Crew. He cannot dance, he is not. He doesn't emote very much, but you know what he does do. He's a good emcee, even if I hate the mechanics and the linguistics of the 80s with the yo yo, yo, I'm chilly d coming to the place. You gonna see me, I'm dancing, I'm ready for you. Better by the body, better be poo. It's all that. You know what I'm saying? This is exactly why I'm like. This is exactly why I hate you. I can't stand y'all because of this. It is so stupid. It is like you thought there was only one language that people spoke in the 1980s, and it's so infuriating. But that's what it is.

Speaker 1:

But, for whatever reason, people find him, they're like no, no, no, no, no, you're him. We People find him. They're like no, no, no, no, no, you're him. We're going to make you the star of Body Rock Crew and this is very upsetting. So okay, so Terrence is this whole guy who seems to have some sort of a street affiliation, but he's only picking Chili D. So Chili D moves into this whole, he moves up. I mean, he's got a whole new apartment. He's living with no people, he's living with the artistic types. It's a whole thing. Now, on one hand, I can sort of get it if he is the manager of all of body rock, but ultimately he is not the talent, he is the guy who emcees everything. He does these whack, in my opinion. In my opinion, these whack raps that introduces everyone. But he's not that guy. He even had to pay. He had to pay the baby magic a dollar to teach him how to pop, lock and drop him. So what had happened was chili d starts to move up in the echelon of 80s superstars, circa 1984, and he's like yo, I can do whatever.

Speaker 1:

And this is what I'm talking about Lorenzo Llamas at this juncture in his career. He is not a thespian. He has been on tv for a little bit. His mother-in-law not his mother-in-law, what do they call his godmother is one of the stars of this prime time soap opera. He jumps in. He's gotten better by season three, but he ain't him. This is long before the renegade. This is, uh, quite long after he jumped on balcony cries. So it's like what do we think of him? What do we do? Whether, whether you love him or hate him, there is a star quality. I hate to admit this, but the truth is that there is something about a man who is confident, even if I know he's a liar. There is something about a confident man that represents well, and I feel like Lorenzo Llamas is the epitome of fake it till you make it. And damn me, he did his thing on this.

Speaker 1:

I'm embarrassed to admit this y'all by 45 minutes into the movie. I am fully invested. I forgot that this is supposed to be a gag. It's supposed to be a funny thing. I am fully invested. I want to know what's happening like. Oh my god, chili, are you gonna make this happen? Are you gonna bring your crew? Have you forgotten who you are? I'm embarrassed to admit, I was seduced. It isn't that I just like a Lorenzo Llamas. I mean, god sue me, he's hot, he's 6'3, he's tall, dark and handsome. He is confident. Obviously there's going to be something there, but there's something about this film that I'm ashamed to admit I really enjoyed. There's not a song that came on. There's not a breakdance break that happened that I didn't fully enjoy. I am ashamed to admit that this film had me hook, line and sinker 1984. I'm so embarrassed.

Speaker 1:

Now, this wouldn't be a proper dance flick without some sort of nemesis or some sort of enemy. Right, they need a crew to battle. Only this show doesn't have it, not really. What they do have is a little bit of a love triangle. So Chili D and his best friend, or one of his best friends, easy, are very close. Easy has a sister named Darlene, and Darlene is a good girl. She goes to work, she is beautiful, and Chili D mentions at the top of the film that she is looking fine. So he does the thing he needs to do to slide into her DMs her proverbial DMs and they start a little something. Only as his star starts to rise, once parents and the upper, the upper management guys are like no, you are the star, you have the star quality.

Speaker 1:

He bumps into a lady named claire. Neclair is the only girl in a sausage fest. She's hanging around and and to me she seems high or just kind of out of it most of the film. Well, it don't take long for claire to invite chili d over to her upscale apartment. He really digs it. She's like yeah, I live in this building and it's nothing but artists. I just go crazy if I wasn't surrounded by artists and creative types. And he's like yeah, I know what you mean. She's like why can't I ask donald, see, if there's an apartment for you? And Chili D is like you know what? That sounds like a wonderful idea.

Speaker 1:

And it would not be a dance flick if every kinetic encounter wasn't surrounded by beautiful music. So of course, every lovemaking scene in this film is to the soundtrack of the 80s, is to the soundtrack of the 80s. This is Chili D and Easy Sister, lovely right. And this is Chili D in Claire. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but it is beautifully choreographed. Also, how inappropriate is it to have a song called Sharpshooter during a lovemaking scene? It is what it is. So, just know, chili starts to fill himself. Claire Thane's more and more interest in him. He even convinces her that she could be a dancer. Yeah, he teaches her how to break dance, how to be in the group. So some interesting things start to happen.

Speaker 1:

About this point in the film, terrence is showing up. He's, he seems to be a very present manager and he says hell, so chilly, has anyone ever copyrighted the name body rock crew? So he's like nah, nah, nah, we don't need to do that. Everybody's legit in our crew. Red flag number one. Claire wants to know all of his moves. Red flag number two. So it all comes to a head when chili d, who was, you know, he separated from the crew. The crew can't even get into the clubs that chili d is playing in. Now I need to say this one more time he is the least physically talented in the crew, but for whatever reason, he gets center stage at all these nightclubs In a performance I couldn't make up in my wildest fever dream. We get Lorenzo Lama's realness. We get redemption for not being cast as Danny Zuko.

Speaker 1:

He is telling John Travolta to eat his freaking heart out. Listen to this majestic and enchanting rendition of Smooth Talk. Baby, I didn't know. Lorinda Lamas was a R&B sensation. Also, everybody's got to have a lover, and you know that I'm a dirty mother. It's no time. It's no time. I'm gonna stab you like an animal and beat you like a cannibal and make your body pay. I'm a seven, son of a seven one. That man said with a straight face I'm gonna stuff you like an animal, eat you like a cannibal. So you know what it is. It's already there. This, if nothing else, this is the magnum opus of the film. You need to watch this. If you don't watch anything else, watch this part. It is about 54 minutes into the film. You will not regret it. Now I don't want to take up too much more of your time. I just need you to know.

Speaker 1:

Body Rock is an experience that we all need to kind of tap into and understand. I grew up watching Break into Electric Boogaloo. I had the biggest crush on Ozone and Turbo. I thought they were so cool and, if I think about it, I probably saw this movie in the early 90s. So it had been out for a little bit and if you're like a five-ish year old kid, it makes a lot of sense. It's actually a lot of fun to watch that sort of movie. Everything I hate about the 80s the clothes, the crunchiness, the sort of dialect I can't stand any of it. I loved every minute of it in this movie. If you don't do anything else, I need you to tap in and watch this just one time on a day where you're having a hard day, put it on and let it ride. I got to be honest.

Speaker 1:

I already said Lorenzo Lumps. It's not that he's a bad dancer, but it's like you're dancing with professionals. You're going to look unprofessional. I think he has rhythm. I think he definitely has the sex appeal. He definitely has that sort of atmosphere about him and it's like the confidence. Even if you're doing something poorly, if you do with a lot of confidence, people are like okay, yeah, you got. It didn't hurt to be hot also. But when it comes to his singing and stuff. You heard it. Decide for yourself. It wasn't the best. Is he gonna chart? Absolutely not, but is he gonna have drones and drones of fans showing up in Vegas to listen? Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what's going on here.

Speaker 1:

I still think the 80s suck, but this movie was a lot of fun. I am so surprised that I liked it. I fully prepared to put it on, to like, make fun of him the entire film. But, like I said about halfway through, I'm fully invested. I think you should be too.

Speaker 1:

There's some things that happen. There's some things that unfold that you just have to see to believe. Last thing, last, just totally unbelievable thing Lorenzo Lamas, aka Lance Compson, aka Chili D, aka the Renegade, leaps from the rafters, does a spinning tuck and lands on his feet. Baby, I don't even know what else to say about it. You can watch Body Rock on YouTube. I watched it a couple of times for free 99. I hope you jump in and do the same thing. Thank you for joining me today. We're going to jump back into our regularly scheduled program so we can power our way through season four of the big three. In the meantime, in between time, stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business, pay a dollar to learn to pop lock and drop it, and you too can be an 80s superstar, or at least a pop locking impresario. Enjoy your day and keep all of your drama on tv.