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Soaplore
Ever wondered what you missed out on before the golden age of streaming? Welcome to Soaplore, the podcast where we dive headfirst into the wonderfully over-the-top world of vintage soap operas from the 80s and 90s. I’m Jett, a TV-loving Millennial who’s finally escaping the monotony of modern shows and embracing the drama, the shoulder pads, and the catfights of yesteryear.
Join me as I experience the soapy sagas of "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Falcon Crest," and "Knots Landing" for the first time, episode by episode. With over 200 shows, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably question our life choices—just like the characters do, but with slightly less fabulous wardrobes.
Whether you’re a Xillenial who grew up with these iconic series, a Millennial like me who missed out the first time around, or a new fan discovering the glorious chaos of primetime soaps, "Soaplore" is your time machine to the melodramatic past. Tune in, relive the magic, and let’s marvel together at how people ever survived without binge-watching.
Pour yourself a glass of something strong, because, trust me, you’ll need it. This isn’t just nostalgia; this is Soaplore—where every episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, and nothing is ever as it seems.
Soaplore
S4 EP17 Falcon Crest: Acid Test -The "Somebody Poisoned The Watering Hole" Episode
Welcome Back Soap Fiends!!
Join us as we delve into the highs and lows of the latest Falcon Crest episode, "Acid Test." With thrilling rivalries and emotional breakthroughs, we explore how the characters navigate through personal crises and family ties. The episode takes a closer look at Cole's turmoil as he considers quitting the vineyard business, shedding light on themes of legacy and personal identity.<br><br>Angela’s complexities expand as she grapples with her choices involving Lance, all while Maggie steps up to redefine her relationship with her estranged mother. Chase’s unexpected family connections add layers to the narrative, creating a dense web of intrigue that keeps viewers on edge. <br><br>As the series continues to weave together drama, humor, and heart, the stunning 1980s aesthetics remain captivating. This episode promises to keep you engaged with its dynamic character relationships and setups for future drama. So pour yourself a drink, tune in, and immerse yourself in the fabulous chaos of Falcon Crest! Don’t forget to subscribe and share your thoughts with us!
He's just a millionaire with a large inheritance and eager clientele. He's quitting. He is quitting. It's over Harumph.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to SoFlor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, chet, viewing and reviewing this Sophia Sudsy as primetime storylines of 1985. We are back on the west coast doing the absolute most. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside, or out of sight, tell babe, no questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in airshot, cool, quiet or kicked out are your only options, because we are watching our stories. Ladies, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord. Hello party people, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Soap Lord. I hope your day is shaping up well. Ooh, I can't wait to get into this one.
Speaker 1:Last episode was a little bit slow, a little bit laggy, but we already know on Falcon Crest that just means they are winding up for something extra special and this episode did not disappoint. There may not have been any explosives, there may not have been any shocking reveals, but we have plenty of action and, dare I say it, do I smell a new rivalry? I certainly hope so, but before we jump into all that, I've got a little bit of house cleaning to do. I need to make a correction. We're going to jump into some fan mail and maybe a little deeper into some predictions. All this and more on season four of Falcon Crest Acid Test. I almost forgot to tell you pour yourself up something bubbly and bright. It is unseasonably warm today, so I'm going to have just some regular degular coconut water.
Speaker 1:So I was sifting through some of the notes and some of the comments. I don't think everybody watched, but those of you who did go back and watch Body Rock, you see exactly what I mean. Body Rock was a good time. Fully did not expect to have it, thought I would just make fun of them the whole time. Yes, did not expect to have it. Thought I would just make fun of them the whole time. Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, it was corny. Yes, the acting was less than great, but what more? That's what you want in a dance film. I certainly don't expect Oscar worthy performances if they're talking now. If it was all about the movement, then yeah, but you knew what it was.
Speaker 1:Do you remember that song? It's like I think it's called blinded by the light. It's like blinded by the light. He's like blinded by the light, wrapped up like a deuce. I thought for years that he was saying blinded by the light, chapped up like a dude, and then whatever else he said. So I'm picturing like some Western guy. No, that's not at all what he says. He says blinded by the light, wrapped up like a deuce, as in a car. I had no idea what that meant. A similar thing happened. Funny thing. A similar thing happened. Funny thing happened with that Body Rock song.
Speaker 1:It is called Smooth Talker and unfortunately, I thought Lorenzo Lama said I'm going to stuff you like an animal, eat you like a cannibal, something, something, something. I was clutching my pearls and, based on the previous statements in the song, I'm not far off. What he has said was I'm going to hunt you like an animal, then he's going to eat you like a cannibal. If I'm going to hunt you like an animal, then he's going to eat you like a cannibal. If I'm going to make fun of you, I'm going to make fun of what you said, not what was implied, okay, but same difference. I thought I'd clear that up and you guys came all the way through with the names for Lily Mae A couple episodes back.
Speaker 1:I wanted you guys to help me come up with a name Valene, the Vidalia Onion Queen over on. We need to come up with a name for her vagabond mama and you guys are not disappointed. Someone says she should be called the petty theft princess. I love that. Garth crooks, patsy d klein, loretta, lend me a dollar. Mrs johnny cash app, y'all are messy for that. Sticking with the beauty pageant trope. We have mrs, mrs, sticky fingers, 1981 and miss demeanors. I love them all. Let that marinate for a little bit and see who she comes up with. I really like Mrs Johnny Cash, app. Loretta, lend me a dollar, I love it. Well, I promise you one thing Nobody on this show was going to ask you to lend them a dollar because they are pay paid. We're jumping into an incredibly well-dressed cast on Falcon Crest man. They look so good. The budget was off the chart. It was amazing. But check out this episode.
Speaker 1:Season four, episode 17, acetis. At the end of the last episode, I left this part off because I assumed they'd talk about it at the beginning of episode 17,. And I was right. Cole and Chase are somehow called down to the wine house and there is this faux picnic setup. There's two wine glasses and a bottle of wine excuse me, not wine, sparkling, champagne, sparkling wine, whatever. My wine knowledge is very small. I'm not really sure which one is which. I don't. I don't know if there's a difference. This particular bottle of let's call it, champagne, champagne has a note on it that reads something to the effect this one's a little bit off, guess which other ones are as well. Something like that, which leads us into this episode.
Speaker 1:Somebody has poisoned the watering hole. There's a snake in my boots. The champagne has been ruined. They decided not to gamble, though they're going to destroy the whole lot lest anyone become poison, lest anyone decides to sue them. It's a whole thing. Now.
Speaker 1:Cole is extremely pissed about this, and he will show us at every opportunity for the rest of the show. There's something about Cole's face that I just can't quite take seriously. He looks like a four-year-old to me. Every time he scrunches up it's oh, I'm mad, I'm angry. He didn't get to pout for too long before Richard and Angela show up. Now.
Speaker 1:Angela got word from one of the workers at the vineyard when she comes down there to see what's what, chase, what is, what is all this? What are you doing? Now? Chase has that look on his face, like oh, you don't know, richard, you don't know, you both don't know. She's like what is going on, little boy, somebody ruined our champagne. The acid test came back positive. Everything's ruined. Now she is okay. Okay, it's not that she's happy per se, or maybe it's not that she's not happy, but also it doesn't seem like she did this.
Speaker 1:So Chase is looking back and forth, forth and back between Richard and Angela, while Cole is just brooding like oh, I'm so upset, don't you guys look so surprised. And Angela's like little boy, this is not my style. I mean, it's good for me because I didn't want it sold, but it's not my style. Her point is Chase, you can't just let people threaten you. Why don't you call their bluff? And Chase is like yeah, yeah, yeah, likely story. Right, angie, I didn't do it. I already told you I didn't do it. So he looks over at Richard and says well, richard, what do you think? This seems like this isn't out of your wheelhouse. Richard is not one to entertain any riffraff food. He calmly reminds Chase that if this conversation is now an accusation, he would be glad to get his lawyer goons on the phone and sue Chase's new money ass with the quickness Angela is dang near gleeful at this point and she offers to buy out Chase. I I mean, nephew, I could help you out. He's like get out of my face, thought I tried.
Speaker 1:Cole continues to brew, clenching his jaw the whole time. Here's the thing I'm trying to decide like. It's very obvious to me that he's good, looking, right, he's a young guy, strong, jawline, but he's so wholesome that I just can't. I can't take him serious. He's pissed and he's throwing glasses up against the wall while he and Chase are cleaning things up. He's oh, my god, my, my legacy is ruined. He's not taking it.
Speaker 1:Well, melissa shows up a little later. He snaps at Melissa when she reminds him that he now has a formula for some delightful sparkling wine. She's like babe, you've done it once, just do it again. It's a bad batch. This is part of a business. You're going to mess up every now and again. Just do it again. Is she crazy? How ridiculous is that? He snaps at her because this is the dumbest idea ever. Melissa, it's over. I mean, it's not like he's a manager at a highly successful vineyard or anything right. It's not as if grapes grow on vines in a valley in California with the perfect temperature that he just happens to live on, gosh, he's so just just dense. He's just a millionaire with a large inheritance and eager clientele. He's quitting. He is quitting. It's over Rumpf Now.
Speaker 1:This drags on and on a little bit for the rest of the episode, but by the end of it he is glistening. He is shirtless, he is working hard getting back to his his grimy roots. You know he had to come up through the mud and all is well because he's hella hopeful. You know what, melissa? I think I will try again. It's lovely, isn't it? I'm glad he's willing to try, and it must be in the water because Angela has also decided to try something she normally wouldn't do again. She has agreed to fully support Lance in this whole attempted murder case. That is so. They are about to go to pre-trial and they're in Angela's's study.
Speaker 1:Reardon the manimal is coaching Angela and Lance on what not to say. It is no secret that neither one of them are very, um, prone to listen to other people. They are combative, they are argumentative, they are related. So he's like okay, please, for the love of God, just listen to what I'm saying and don't do anything else, especially you, lance. Angela's like yeah, lance, I just like she just wants Lance to sit there, shut up and look pretty. Now, telling him that and telling her that is a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1:We all know that Lance is like no, no, no, grandmother, we need to tell them my story, my truth. She's like Lance, are you crazy, are you nuts? You're gonna stand in front of God and everybody and tell that judge that you were kidnapped, had your car stolen. They freed you just in the nick of time. Your car was returned, washed up, gassed up and you didn't kill me. Do I look like Boo Boo the Fool? Do you think the judge is Boo Boo the Fool? Sit down and shut up, don't say nothing. As likely a story as that is, it is the truth. So Lance barks back now, how many times are you going to punish me for something I didn't do? Now, if he knows his grandmother, whether you did it or not, you're going to be punished. You're lucky she's speaking to you and usually she's not out there looking for the truth.
Speaker 1:But the truth in this case, for Angela is that she doesn't want him to mess up their money. You know, you see what I'm saying. Like, okay, listen you, damaging the family name could mess up my money, which is inherently going to mess up. Gonna mess up what little money Emma is going to inherit because she's not a dude. Plus, the real truth is that there's a new judge who's in town and they feel like he's going to be really harsh because he's not in Angela's pocket. She has not had time to sink her claws into him. So they're going to have to ride this out on the straight and narrow. They're hoping that if Angela doesn't want to testify or if she wants to drop the charges, that the charges will be dropped. But they're so worried about the cops who quote unquote witnessed Lance trying to run her off the road, which is odd Now that I'm thinking about it. I don't think they were there at the time. I think they were there right after. Either way, they saw his car. They didn't actually see his purse.
Speaker 1:I really enjoy this scene because Jane Wyman was Lorenzo Llamas' real life godmother and they were very close and that you could feel the sort of the familiarness in it. It seemed like a real argument you would have with a parent or a sibling or somebody that you were close enough to, who's not listening to you. It felt very, very genuine At one point, reared in them animals like this. This backbiting, this backfighting is not going to get you anywhere. She was like you know, angela's got to have the last word, baby. You ain't even seen nothing yet Something to that.
Speaker 1:So despite all that, no matter how good the relationship is, in real life on camera on Falcon Crest it's not looking good because, despite all of the evidence against him his story, the trains Lance is the only suspect and it's not his grandmother's job to decide whether or not he tried to kill her. I learned this recently when you commit a crime in the United States, like murder or something like that, it is the state of California versus you. A person doesn't get to jump in and say, oh no, no, I can't, he didn't do it. Yeah, we saw him try to kill you. So it is the state of California versus Lance Compton. Lance being the only suspect in this case is not only a problem for he and Angela is not only a problem for he and Angela. It's causing a rift between other friends.
Speaker 1:Richard and Maggie are at odds. Now Richard owns the radio station. Now he wants Maggie on this story like white on white. Maggie is on edge because her mother has disappeared like a thief in the night. He wants her to just really press in. And she's pissed because she's like Richard, you're sensationalizing this. I'm not going to. If I'm going to do the story, I'm not going to. If I'm going to do the story, I'm going to do it my way and you're not going to like it. Which adds insult to injury when you think about it, because Richard is he, and Melissa and maybe Terry are the only people who know for a fact. No, no, no, no. Terry doesn't know. He and Melissa are the only people who know that Florida man is the one who tried to run Angela off the side of the road. Maggie knows that it wasn't Lance, but she's none the wiser about who it actually was.
Speaker 1:So they're going back and forth and Richard is getting increasingly more and more pissed off. He's yelling, he's at the top of his lung, this is journalism. And Maggie's like no dude, you're obsessed with this, I can't do this. And he's like Maggie, why are you fighting me on this? She's like I can't do this, I'm worried about my own mother. I need to check in on her and I'm just, quite frankly, richard, I'm sorry. I think it's best that we part ways Now this point. So she really don't need this job. But it is remarkable how easily she has fallen into these quote-unquote investigative reporter jobs without actually having any background in it. I thought she was a freelance writer writing like romance novels and crap, and then she went from that to being an investigative reporter about the immigrants or whatnot, that one season. Then she went to be a screenwriter. That movie fell through but she got all the money then. Yeah, yeah, maggie does a lot without actually doing anything. You know what I'm saying now.
Speaker 1:This is fun to watch. Richard is like the Grinch. You remember when the wrench's heart started to get bigger? You can see Richard's heart actually break because Maggie, dare I say it, is his only real friend. Sure, he has Pam who he pays. His daughter loves him, but you know she fell away because he feels away about Lance. Chase is his brother, but they're not close. Maggie's his only pal and you can see how he's like. Oh no, my friend Plus. He was today years old when he found out that her mother slipped out of her life like a thief in the night.
Speaker 1:Now, in an attempt to help his one and only friend, maggie, locate her mother and probably make amends, he tracks down the PI who found Charlotte in the first place. Now I've forgotten that that guy was a double agent. He was working for Angela and he was working for Maggie. Richard has Pam do some digging between her sexy tryst with the manimal and shopping for lightweight leather, quickly discovers that the PI was a double dipping, double backstabbing agent working for Big Ang. He pulls a guy in his office and he starts demanding answers for all the questions. Why didn't you tell Maggie her mama was a gambler? Why did you bring her here knowing that, etc. Why did you set this woman up two streets down from a racing track that he built? We don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 1:At first the PI denies everything, but then eventually he relents and he admits that Angela knew all about Charlotte's gambling long before Maggie went looking for her real mother. There's never been an explanation for that. If you recall, at the little garden party she just let it blurt out. I guess she didn't like the way Maggie's dad was looking at her, so she told his only daughter, his oldest daughter that she was adopted. I don't know how she would know that and nobody's ever really said anything about that. I can't imagine that Charlotte would have any ties to Falcon Press and she didn't seem to know who Angela was, so I don't know. I'm sure that'll come up eventually.
Speaker 1:Anyway, richard destroys a man's life, but not after sending him overseas to do something. I was halfway listening and I didn't want to rewind. He calls Maggie and he tells her all about her mom and where she is Now. As happenstance would have it, maggie is on her way to L LA. She's going to surprise Chase because he's in LA. So is Mommy Dearest? Why is Chase in Los Angeles? To meet up with one of his former stepfathers. That's right. One of his former stepfathers, a rich guy who owns a yacht, tells Chase to be ready 1 pm the following day. They're going to have lunch. This guy is adorable and he's genuinely sad to hear about Jacqueline catching a stray bullet to death. Now the aviator Adonis peppers his ex-stepdad with pleasantries at first before going for the jugular. Hey, who's the cartel? Daddy dears, don't play that Matter of fact. Chase is immediately escorted off of the boat. Excuse me, the yacht.
Speaker 1:Now I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Chase is sharp enough to cut butter. In this episode he's wearing a light gray three-piece suit, silk tie, fresh blowout camel colored chelsea boots, a pair of amber colored aviator glasses oh, I was impressed, but I suppose you would want to look extra fresh on the yacht. Well, after his stepdad's goons unhand him, he climbs into an old school. Well, I guess it wouldn't be an old school at that time. It'd be like a 1984 silver crown Victoria. That matches his outfit exactly. Oh, this is exactly what I'm talking about when I talk about Falcon Crest. They do not come to play with you. He came to eat you up high fashion at high noon and I'm here for every second of it Looked amazing. Actually, everybody looks amazing this whole episode. I'm like, oh my God, it's 1985. And I'm like where did you get this? Because he looks so good at high noon? For no reason.
Speaker 1:Cole's whole oh, I'm working so hard shtick seems extra ridiculous to me this whole episode. By all intents and purposes, chase grew up in wealth, or at the very least in the upper echelon of middle-class America, mid-century peak American prosperity, jacqueline. When she came to visit she well, even before that, it seems like she was extremely wealthy. She ends up running a cartel. When she came to visit them, she's peppering them with all these wonderful gifts. She owns vineyards in france and in in italy like it isn't, like they came from absolutely nothing. Cole even has an inheritance. So this whole oh my gosh, I've lost everything I worked so hard to build thing is just ridiculous. Where is this coming from? He's actually been pouting a lot now that I think about it.
Speaker 1:The last episode he threw something at the mirror. Every time time you see Cole in an episode he's pissed off about something. I don't know why he suddenly needs to be all brooding as if it's some sort of competition. But we got one bad boy on the show, one bad boy only. We don't need another one. Sorry, it's not working, I'm sorry. Plus, his fiance is loaded. So like, why are you throwing a fit? What exactly are you doing? Anyway, back to Chase.
Speaker 1:So Chase hops into his one-ton matching accessory and he's quickly surrounded by and apprehended by these goons. They take him to another car. Right, he's looking a little nervous. They throw a little something over his head. Next time we see him he's entering the sort of unmarked building. You can hear that it's really, really echoey. Someone says remove his mask. They remove his eye mask and it's quickly replaced by, like this beam of light right in his face, bam. So he can't see anything anyway. Turns out it's his stepfather, cole's like what was this? All that was rude, what was that about? I was about to eat lobster Been, looking forward to that shrimp cocktail all day, and his stepdad's like I'm so, so sorry, I had to put on a show, just in case the cartel was watching.
Speaker 1:It is worth noting that they are in an auditorium. Looks like a high school auditorium. Stepdad says Chase, I assure you no one will ever hear any part of this conversation in an auditorium. So Chase immediately looks to his right and he says well, can you tell your goon to unhand me and leave? And he stepped out. I was like oh yeah, of course, sorry. Scram Brian, brian's like sure thing, or whatever his name is. So they commenced having a conversation in an auditorium. I don't want to make a big deal about this, but I thought I'm not a builder, not an architect, not an engineer. I thought auditoriums were designed so that you didn't necessarily need a microphone. Your voice just kind of echoes from the back, so like if you're doing a play. You don't have to, never mind, I digress.
Speaker 1:They're having this conversation on stage and the stepdaddy is like listen, I haven't heard from anybody in the cartel in a minute, but you just never know your mother. Oh God, love the cartel in a minute, but you just never know your mother. Oh god, love her. She was hot, she was a handful, but she was also unprincipled. She's been washing money for the cartel through the swiss bank for years and years and years. She had a partner named johan reedman. We all met him before he blew up. Stepdad explains that johan johan was ruthless and that his mom was a little bit afraid of him. So Chase is like okay, dang, this is the first time he's got a name. Okay, well, do you know where Reidman is now? His stepdad's like yeah, he's dead. Chase is like dead.
Speaker 1:Stepfather goes yeah, quiet, escaped word on the street is that his son killed him. His super secret son nobody knew about, heard he killed him, blew him up or something. Chase is like dang, that's crazy. Do you know his son's name? Yeah, his name is goose. So, if nothing else, chase now has a name to go on, he's been doing a really, really, really good job of being relentless without being reckless. All this time. Somehow he's managed to stay under the radar, I guess because he didn't really go to Angela's house a lot. So that bird is not recording any of his conversations, even though Johan, no, gustav, gustav has way too many names, I can't keep up with him.
Speaker 1:The Nazi child is keeping really good tabs on everybody. But the stepfather is looking at Chase saying listen, dude, I understand this is intriguing. I can understand you want to know what's going on because of your mom. But please, you have a beautiful family, you have a career, you have a vineyard. Just just let this go. Please let this go. This is not worth it. You do not want to cross these people. Chase thanks him quietly but assures him that he must forge ahead. He must keep on this path. So Stabbed's like okay, cool. But just so you know, if you ever call me again, I'm definitely not picking up the phone. So I know your son. Meanwhile, back at falcon crop, you remember last episode speaking of the nazi child. He asked emma to go to the play or the opera or something with him.
Speaker 1:Well, the day has come and to my surprise, em Emma is sitting on the steps inside the house on the stairs, dressed like she's going to prom, circa 1978. I'm like what the heck is going on? She's got like this white flowy dress. She looks like she's going to prom. Angela comes around the corner and kind of rolls her eyes. She's like girl, what are you doing? Why are you sitting on them? Steps all eager. And Emma's like I don't want to run the risk of you running off my date tonight, so I'm gonna sit right here until he gets here and then I'm gonna leave with Angela's like oh my god girl, go upstairs. I'll tell you when he gets here. Emma's like you definitely won't. I ain't going nowhere. I'm gonna sit right here.
Speaker 1:So Angela sits by and she's like my god girl, why are you so dead? Why are you just? He was looking at you like you were a steak. Angela's disgusted by that. But Emma was like yeah, I saw that he was totally looking at me like I was a steak. She's all for it. She ain't been outside in a long time. And Angela's like my god girl, why do you need to sit here looking all horny and whatnot? Can't you pull yourself together? And was like I look like how I look. It is what it is and there is zero chance of me changing my facial expression or not going out with the handsome little Frenchman.
Speaker 1:Right about that time there's a rat-a-tat-tat at the door. He shows up looking rather dapper, if I might add, and they begin to have a wonderfully enchanting evening. Looks like they went walking by the water. It was nice and cool. She was able to wear her fur, he was able to wear his peacoat and scarf.
Speaker 1:She tells him about her life that, yes, she doesn't have a whole lot going on. She's she has a quiet life, doesn't have a lot of responsibility, but she is not lonely, occupies her time with books and long walks and poetry. And he's like oh, yeah, I could tell you, totally look like a poet. I have to agree with him. If there are people standing in line and I talked to Emma for two seconds I could tell you she writes poetry. Maggie would want you to think she writes poetry, terry would want you to think she reads poetry, but Emma does both 100%. Anyway, he's like, yeah, you just look like the type baby, ma, ma, ma I don't know what that was. Ooh, la, la, la. And she's looking at him behind his eyes. She goes. Well, I see you too looking at him behind his eyes, she goes well, I see you too, and there's something very dangerous, very, very dangerous about you. And then she proceeds to kiss him all in the mouth. Because, of course, what do you mean? What's hotter than someone being dangerous? Obviously they kissy, kissy, boo-boo face, all on the war. It's cute, I'm not gonna lie, it's really cute. He's dangerous crazy. She's a different kind of crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if she okie-doked him in the end.
Speaker 1:Maggie is really the star of this episode. She's still reeling from the sudden departure of her birth mother, so she's way, way, way more passionate and more vocal than she usually is on any other episode. Because of Richard, she can reach her mom or catch her, rather, in LA she does just that. Her mom is at a halfway house on her way to a job interview. She tries to ignore Maggie when Maggie calls her in this like killer tan outfit. Again, the wardrobe is so on, point this episode. And they end up having a quick heart-to-heart. They go to a park and Maggie just says mom, it's not that you took the pearls. So in between, cole sort of throwing a fit over the graves, he does other stuff. He delivers mail. No, no, maggie finds a pawn ticket, cole takes it to the pawn shop like a good son and, sure enough, he's able to retrieve the pearls. So they're like, oh crap, this all happened before they left.
Speaker 1:So when she's talking to her mom, she's like I don't really care about the jewelry, I don't care about any of that. It's just that we had so many heart to hearts, we were really getting to know each other, we were really becoming mother and daughter. And you couldn't tell me this. I don't know why you don't think you could tell me that. And her mom explains I was just so ashamed, maggie, I'm so sorry. I for sure. I really, really thought I had this licked. I thought I was completely cured, but I'm not. And she's like mama, don't even worry about it. Her mom just, I, just I really wanted you to be proud of me. Maggie says I am proud of you, I do believe in you, we're gonna get you the help. But she doesn't say I am rich, I'm getting richer every single day, richer every single day. I have rich friends, don't even worry about it, I'm gonna give you the best treatment money can buy. Which leads us to my two most favorite scenes of this whole episode. Really quick side note it is Maggie's birthday week and we do see the return of her dad, who was in San Diego giving some speech at the dirt uh archaeologist place, and for the first time I saw Maggie like in a muumuu the quintessential 80s colors. What are the two most prominent lady colors in the 80s? Pink and purple? Of course I would say any hell, any. Yeah. 80s, 90s, 2000s whatever she is wearing, like this asymmetrical muumuu with one shoulder, is pink, the other is purple and I'm like I know at least two of my aunties have that same gown to this day.
Speaker 1:Back at falcon grass or later on, chase and Angela unite in a petty union to throw some shade at Richard and his wine. So Richard thinks he's being real cute. He calls a meeting and of course they're going to meet Angela's study, the three owners of falcon grass being he, chase and Angela. So chase and Angela already have their eyes rolled in the back of their head. They already look like. Here he go again. Richard doesn't care. He didn't invite them there to talk turkey. He wanted to rub something in their face. Guess who's reaping what Francesca sowed, doodah. Actually, francesca didn't even sow that. Angela and Chase did.
Speaker 1:Richard wants to gloat about his new wine which at the time of this meeting has begun mass production. It'll be in the homes of millions and millions across the country before you can say. Sleeping with super secret, sexy sisters equals success. Super secret, sexy sisters equals success. Sleeping with super sexy sisters equals he goes like this. I can't say that five times fast. He is beyond proud of the wine he's producing from the I Bang Francesca grape. Angela scoffs and tells him there is nothing noble, little boy, I would not brag about that cheap, run down, thrown together table wine you slinging together. Only reason you have any success with that box wine is because you're slapping my family's hard earned, labelarned label on it. You in there, don't, don't brag, it's not cute. Chase also rolls his eyes and scoffs.
Speaker 1:This is my favorite part. He tells richard along the line something like I'll make sure that cheap lighter fluid never sees the light of day. And you look at Angela, she's actually smiling at him like ah, get him, nephew, get him. She actually does say I could not agree more. And they tell they're kind of sniggling at his cheap lighter fluid. Ooh, that's bad wine, really better, just break this man's spirit. But of course, richard, he don't care. He told you what he was gonna do. Machines are gonna make wine. I'm gonna be a rich, rich man, and I see plenty of box wine at all the the big stores everywhere I go, so he may have been on to something.
Speaker 1:Speaking of having an unbreakable spirit, have you ever seen the movie Unbreakable? I want to say it's probably 2000,. Between 2000 and 2003-ish, maybe even 1999. I don't know, but it stars Bruce Willis almost said Bruce Wayne and Samuel L Jackson, and Samuel L Jackson's character befriends Bruce Willis's character and it's really really subtle. At first you don't really see anything brewing beneath the surface. They don't really have anything in common, but they get along.
Speaker 1:Samuel L Jackson has this condition where his bones are super, duper brittle. So he's constantly breaking bones, like from the time he was a baby on. His mother giving birth to him through the birth canal broke some of his bones. It's a horrible thing. There's a scene where he's on the Tilt-A-World and he has all these stuffed animals. You could tell he's a little kid. He's been wanting to do it all this time. Oh, great, great film.
Speaker 1:Bruce Willis's character is unbeknownst to him, very, very strong. Like he never gets sick. He's never had the flu, never broken a bone, nothing, nothing's ever really happened to him and it's not like it's it's. It's one of those things where it's everything is circumstantial, so he's just not noticing that nothing ever happens to him. By the end of the film you understand why everything was set up the way. It was why Samuel L Jackson's character was sort of obsessed with Bruce Willis's character they're polar opposites was sort of obsessed with Bruce Willis' character they're polar opposites. Sometimes that could be your best friend or it could be your absolute, perfect arch nemesis.
Speaker 1:When I think about Falcon Crest, there's no doubt that the biggest villain, the biggest player on this board, is Angela Channing. She is ruthless, she is unshakable, she is unbreakable, she's focused. She's always finding a better way to do something underhanded, whatever she's got to do. Now I, up until this episode, always thought that her most formidable opponent would be Melissa, because Melissa is a lot like her. She's younger, she doesn't have as much experience, but she's just as ruthless, she's just as focused, she's just as underhanded. I thought for sure it would be her. If not her, maybe Richard Cutthroat, underhanding, got that big bite. You know what I mean Not afraid to get his hands dirty, not really concerned with anyone's feelings when you think about those three, to get his hands dirty. Not really concerned with anyone's feelings. When you think about those three, they're actually the most alike. So, no, that's probably not going to be your most formidable opponent, because you know every move they're going to make, because you would do the same thing. So now enter Chase. Okay, there we go. He's a little bit different than Angela. He's just as focused. He's just as ruthless. Only he doesn't use his powers for quote unquote evil. He is always doing the right thing. He's just as relentless, he's just as focused. He's just as unyielding. So I thought, okay, maybe, maybe Chase is her best opponent.
Speaker 1:All of that changed in one scene. So everyone's at the women folk are having lunch, are all at a round table at the the racetrack. It is maggie. Emma, melissa, terry and angie didn't know until that very moment that the biggest, baddest one of them all could be Maggie. Maybe not the biggest and baddest, but she's also not to be trifled with. Who better to be Angela's new arch nemesis? Hear me out. They're all sitting around the table.
Speaker 1:Maggie never loses her cool. She keeps that same smile on her face that Angela does. There's her. Her words aren't dripping with the same. But she says I'm paraphrasing here this lunch would be perfect, but it's quite obvious that one of us is missing my mother. My mother couldn't make it today because she has been checked into a rehab center. She is a gambler and she's on the mend. We're going to make sure she's going to be okay. And then she looks over and says Angela, I really have to thank you. I found out that you had a hand in bringing my mother back to me.
Speaker 1:Angela squirms in her seat for the first time. I've never seen her squirm nervously, not really. Emma hears this and she's like oh, girl, yeah, mother had a whole private eye and everything. And then she said oh, I wasn't supposed to know that. So now Angela's looking like oh, okay, it really be your own. It really be your own. She recovers quickly enough and she says oh, maggie, I just felt so terrible after letting it slip that you were adopted at the garden party. I thought that was the least I could save.
Speaker 1:Maggie goes. I'm proud of my mother and I'm so happy that she's now in my life. Angela, I'd like to raise a toast to you. I know that you were only acting out of the goodness of your heart. As a matter of fact, everyone at this table can attest to a time when you have helped them in their darkest hour. Okay, maggie, maggie wants all the smoke. So Melissa looks at Angela. She's like like yeah, I'll never forget everything you did for me. And Joseph Terry looks at Angela and goes or how well you treated me when I first got into town. Oh, even Emma, sweet, whimsical Emma, says yes, mother. Or how devoted you've always been your whole life to protecting me.
Speaker 1:Now, by this point, the perm rod goddess, is watching the table. It's like they brought in the big guns they're all trying to attack she doesn't let them see her sweat. She leans back in her seat. As they raise a glass, they all hold it up and she goes oh, you guys are exaggerating. No, no, we insist. So she says all right, then I will accept your tributes in the spirit in which they are given. Oh, baby, I have never seen a master class of nasty nice better than this one on any of the soap operas.
Speaker 1:Who would have thought that Maggie Gia Berti would be willing to stir the pot? She was super classy and I love it because you look at she and Angela. They are polar opposites. They are the exact Maggie's generous, warm and open. If she helps someone is because she wants to help them. She's very forgiving. She has never used a single person against another person. But the thing that she and Angela have in common is their ability to keep cool. They're going to keep that same smile on their face. They're going to be lovely, they're going to be presentable, and now we know good sister Maggie is not afraid to go for the jugular. Oh baby, this one really made my day.
Speaker 1:I thought, oh God, is this the Bruce Willis slash, samuel L Jackson? I know there's another movie. They call it's Mr Glass and Split. So it turned into a trilogy eventually, or whatever you call a foursome. I don't know whatever the fourth movie is called, but it would be Unbreakable Split and then Mr Glass. Yeah, mr Glass is the third one. I'm sorry, I thought there was four Beautiful. This is us getting to witness Maggie being outright hostile without actually being hostile. Oh, magnifique. Now this is a great place to leave off. I definitely left off a really juicy, really interesting turn of events that we will discuss on the next episode. In the meantime, in between time, let's all step up our accessory game Dress like your car tomorrow. God, that was incredible. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. We'll see you next time. Bye.