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Soaplore
Ever wondered what you missed out on before the golden age of streaming? Welcome to Soaplore, the podcast where we dive headfirst into the wonderfully over-the-top world of vintage soap operas from the 80s and 90s. I’m Jett, a TV-loving Millennial who’s finally escaping the monotony of modern shows and embracing the drama, the shoulder pads, and the catfights of yesteryear.
Join me as I experience the soapy sagas of "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Falcon Crest," and "Knots Landing" for the first time, episode by episode. With over 200 shows, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, and we’ll probably question our life choices—just like the characters do, but with slightly less fabulous wardrobes.
Whether you’re a Xillenial who grew up with these iconic series, a Millennial like me who missed out the first time around, or a new fan discovering the glorious chaos of primetime soaps, "Soaplore" is your time machine to the melodramatic past. Tune in, relive the magic, and let’s marvel together at how people ever survived without binge-watching.
Pour yourself a glass of something strong, because, trust me, you’ll need it. This isn’t just nostalgia; this is Soaplore—where every episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, and nothing is ever as it seems.
Soaplore
S3 EP5 Knots Landing :The Surprise- The " Gasohol and Gaslighting" Episode
Join us on this gripping episode of Soap Lore as we navigate the intricate world of “Knot's Landing”, delving deep into season three, episode five, where the tug-of-war for custody of Abby’s children spins an emotional web of manipulation and maternal desire. The episode commences with a moving tribute to Michelle Trachtenberg, illuminating her contributions to childhood television and capturing our nostalgia for a past era. As Abby grapples with her estranged husband Jeff over custody, tensions rise, revealing the challenges faced by parents in strained relationships. The episode artfully balances drama with moments of levity through characters like Richard, who brings humor amidst chaos.
Listeners will be compelled to consider themes of morality, familial responsibility, and emotional struggles that affect every character, making it clear how soap operas resonate with audiences across generations. Dive into the rich narrative and uncover what this explosive episode teaches us about love, loss, and the complexities of parenthood. Don’t miss it—tune in, share your thoughts, and join our community of fans engaged in the timeless stories of primetime soap operas. Subscribe for future episodes and share your love for the drama with your friends!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome and welcome back to Soap Lore, the official gathering place for movies novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jeb, viewing and reviewing Miss Opie's sudsiest primetime storylines of 1981. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or, out of sight, tell they have no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in the airshot be cool, be quiet, or you will be kicked out because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is so cool. Hello, gorgeous Party people, hello, gorgeous party people, fans, fiends and anyone in between. Welcome back to another fun filled edition of so forth. I hope your day is shaping up well. We've got a little bit of business to tend to first and we're going to jump into our episode. Go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright. Do whatever you need to do to get comfortable as we dive into one of these iconic episodes.
Speaker 1:Today I'm a little bit off script. I had originally planned to review Dynasty season four, episode 16, called Little Girl. However, I got some news this morning we all did. And then I watched the episode and I decided I just don't want to, I don't want to attach this to that. That's going to be the next feature. We're going to do a double feature like the back in the day movies. I'm going to be real, I never went to the movies in my life and saw a double feature until they put a drive-thru movie in. Then I've done it. But I do kind of remember something on Saturdays, occasionally, really, really early on, they might play two films and they call it a double feature. Or if you had Insomnium in the early 90s and you watched USA, remember that channel? They used to have like wrestling and they played that show, weird Science they would sometimes do a double feature. And I thought let's just do that. Let's go ahead and do that, because we're going to lighten the load. We're still going to have a good time, but I'd be remiss if I didn't pay homage to a millennial icon. So that's the plan, guys.
Speaker 1:We're going to do an episode of Knot's Landing today and then we're going to also do Dynasty season, whatever. You know what I just said. I just said it earlier. You know what it is. I find that Dynasty is the most campy and I have a lot of fun watching it. So I want to kind of do a palate cleanser from time to time with the heavy drama on Knot's Landing and Falcon Crest and even Dallas. I've watched both episodes of Dallas. Dallas is so good, I cannot wait to talk about that, but I like the thought of sprinkling in Dynasty after a heavier episode. So that's what we will do today.
Speaker 1:We're going to talk about Knot's Landing, season three episode. I think it's five or six. Okay, yeah, this is definitely episode five. I thought so. I was like I don't think I'm that far into it. Episode five called the Surprise of Knopflanding, season three. Before we get into this, let's go ahead and get the heavy stuff out of the way.
Speaker 1:I found out this morning, like the rest of the world, that Michelle Trachtenberg had passed away. Trachtenberg had passed away. Oh, just terribly, terribly sad. Not a lot of details at this time, and even if there were, I don't think I'd say a word about it. Just very sad to hear that I'm an 80s baby, 90s kid, and if you were a 90s kid like myself, then you know.
Speaker 1:Now, nickelodeon was dude. I don't know anybody our age who didn't grow up watching Nickelodeon and then the Disney Channel kicked in a little bit later. Seems like it took a little while for Disney Channel to really pick up steam Once they started doing those movies and they were just as iconic as Nickelodeon. I know a lot of people don't like that, but let's be real. Nickelodeon was it. Now we're finding out all kinds of crazy stuff, but for 90s kids it was absolutely the place to be. You definitely felt seen and heard and it seemed like the kids were really in charge. And one of the first people I can remember from that besides you know Pete and Pete and Salute your Shorts is Miss Harriet M Welsh. Harriet the Spy was, oh my gosh. That was one of the best movies ever. I'm definitely going to have to rewatch that in the near future. I'll probably watch it this weekend.
Speaker 1:But if you were a bookish kid, you ever went to the Scholasticastic fair if you ever earned your behavior dollars or whatever it was in school and bought the books Harriet the Spy, babysitter's Club, ramona and Beezus. I felt like those books were a little bit older and Harriet the Spy might have been, but it didn't come into my consciousness probably until like third grade-ish. So I was super excited when the movie came out. I probably still have that bright orange tape somewhere. I'll have to go to my parents' house and look it up. But just really sad.
Speaker 1:This is a great actress. I think the last movie I ever saw her in was 17 Again, and I've probably seen her in a few things. But I was thinking this is one of the girls who was known for her talent. I can't think of any other controversies she didn't, you know, crash out like some of the other Disney girls. She was just really good at her craft, especially in Harriet the Spy.
Speaker 1:Now, long before well, no, let me correct that timeline Dynasty, dallas, nod's Landing and Falcon Crest had already ended their reign by the time I saw Harriet the Spy. So I don't know anything. I didn't know anything about their legendary reads, but I did know that if you pushed Harriet the Spy too far there were going to be consequences. No spoilers, but spoiling. She cut off a girl's hair, she defaced a locker, I can't remember what else. Somebody got a bra or some underwear or something up a pole. But the most legendary scene in that movie Harriet is being bullied, by the way is that bathroom scene, for more than one reason.
Speaker 1:If you were alive during the time your school got its first facelift. Because, let's be real, in the 90s, in a dare I say it up to the early 2000s or right about 2000, most schools looked exactly like they used to in the 70s. My school did, at least they didn't. They didn't bother to change the carpet. They didn't really change anything else. But when they did, there was like this sort of trough style sink where you no longer had to twist the knobs on the sink. It wasn't mounted to the wall anymore, just kind of like a. Now that I think about it, I feel like a farm animal, doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Harriet walks in, calm, cool, collected. She is there to read this girl for filth. I'll never forget the iconic hand movement. I still do this to this day. I'll never forget the iconic hand movement. I still do this to this day. If I have a motion-centered sink there is, you kind of wave your hands back and forth like you are directing an opera or an orchestra. It is magnificent. Do yourself a favor, look up the scene, harriet, the Spy bathroom scene Iconic. She was also in Buffy. I didn't realize that she was in Gossip Girl, which I plan on watching at some point.
Speaker 1:Just a wonderful actress and icon. She is the ice princess, she is Harriet the spy. She was in Inspector Gadget oh my god. Just just so many great films. Do yourself a favor, watch Ice Princess, harriet the spy, 17 again Eurotrip oh my god. I think I remember that as like her grownup role oh my gosh, look at Harriet. But either way, just a really poised, wonderful young woman.
Speaker 1:I went back and watched an interview when Harry the spy at first come out. She was like 10 years old and sort of precocious, but just so well-spoken and talented and I think it spoke to me in particular as a kid who liked to read, kind of liked to hang out by myself, had friends, but you know, tv kid, she was definitely very influential. It was refreshing to me to see a girl just being herself, being unapologetic and standing up to the bullies. That was the most impressive part. She was never afraid. She was like okay, I'm going to get it and I'm going to write it all down and I'm going to go home and have a tomato sandwich. It and I'm going to write it all down and I'm going to go home and have a tomato sandwich. My only qualm with a tomato sandwich is that, girl, you've got to toast the bread just a little bit and the tomatoes have to be super fresh.
Speaker 1:Side note, rosie O'Donnell was immaculate in that film. I kind of miss seeing her movie. She really should get back on that. But we digress and I just I hate to hear it, hate to hear it. Her IMBD is stacked. She did a little bit of everything, but just a really articulate, great actress. I didn't realize that she was on Clarissa Explains it All and I don't remember her at all being on Pete and Pete. That was a long time ago. Rest in power, michelle. Rest in power.
Speaker 1:All right, we going to jump into today's episode of Noughts Landing, called the Surprise. This episode is mostly about Abby. Recently someone asked basically like why didn't have the same amount of disdain for Abby as I do, gary? I need to go back and look it up. I just want to acknowledge I'm so sorry I'm doing this off the top of my head. It was not rude at all, but I feel like this.
Speaker 1:I feel like Gary is one thing. Gary is a character from Dallas who is I've got to see him and anytime I saw him in, my first four or five impressions of the kid was that yeah, he's a little hurt. Yeah, he's a little bit wounded, but he was also kind of douchey. It's him and Valene. You know what I'm saying. I'm watching their relationship and the way he moves in. That sometimes pisses me off. I do feel like he's a bit of a baby at times. I will say this I mean, it's only five episodes in. He don't really say a lot. He didn't really do a lot. I wouldn't say he's actually gotten on my nerves this season. He hadn't really done anything except get beat up by Karen.
Speaker 1:I think Abby's a totally different person, just like I don't. I mean, everybody's gonna have a different level of likability. I don't like what Richard does, but I love what Richard does, if that makes sense. He is entertaining, he is bringing a weird angle and I am so drawn in I have to absolutely get to the bottom of this. Richard, laura, love life, romance sort of thing. It's that he's intriguing and I think that's the difference for me between Abby and Gary is that she is intriguing. Now, I didn't know her when she came in. I thought this was gonna be a fun, sweet little girl. Abby's fun. That's just at the end of the day. She's coming in fun. She is extremely trifling. She's extremely bold in her triflingness and I'm intrigued. I actually should look this up. I don't know what episode they're referencing. I'm assuming you're referencing the episode where she took the plans In that episode I felt like that was two totally different things.
Speaker 1:I think I actually liked Gary in that episode because he needed to find his own footing when it comes to the Ewing's. Now they don't really have their claws in him. There's not really a need to bring them up a lot. But I think his was different. Like he is Sid's friend on one hand, she is, that's her brother. I can see where they both were trying to do the right thing. So it was very difficult to stay pissed off at people in that instance. But my disdain for Gary comes from him being a deadly dad to Lucy, to making Valene, in my opinion, carry the emotional burden a lot. That's that whole thing Like. But I don't know, I just I think it's comparing apples to like tadpoles, it says. I just I don't get that. That's one of the bigger differences too.
Speaker 1:I think I am not necessarily rooting for Abby and I am rooting for Valene in Gary, or at least I was, and so he just he seemed to disappoint me the most and he's broody and kind of pouty and a baby and I see the strain that he puts on Valene's life. Abby to me is more like Melissa Gretty and Alexis. Abby is who Aunt Terry on Falcon Crest could be if she practiced the art of seduction, if she kind of knew a little bit better. Love Abby's confidence, love to see what she's going to do. But I can, as I think about it. I'm not necessarily rooting for her, I'm just curious to see what else she's going to do. Just like Richard, I'm not necessarily rooting for him. I just curious to see what else she's going to do. Just like Richard, I'm not necessarily rooting for him. I just want to see what else he does and I kind of like that he pisses me off because he entertains me as well. You got to have a give and take, that's all it is. But you can hate love characters. It works wonderful. If you read anything on reddit, it's a lot of people hating on people they probably secretly really love.
Speaker 1:Anyway, let's talk about abby, this episode y'all. Let me just. Let's just start from the beginning. So valine is checking the mail one day and she gets a postcard from olivia, abby's little girl, so she goes running next door wherever the hell they live in this cul-de-sac I still can't believe the cul-de-sacs are real place she runs over and she's like Abby, look, look, look, olivia sent me a postcard. Abby's like oh, hallelujah, great, this is awesome. She immediately calls her PI. They start working.
Speaker 1:After that, abby heads over to Richard's office to see okay, what can we do Now that I have this postcard? I have a piece of proof. What should I do next? Richard tells her okay, like your husband is very smart guy or your ex is a smart man. He's probably done his homework. He is probably in a state where they're not going to respect your custody agreements. He's clearly moved somewhere where he can't take him away. So why don't you get your PI on it? Make sure that he traces everything. Maybe he heads up there. She's like oh, he's already on it. I just wanted to see what else I can do. Richard's like at this point we're just going to kind of wait and see. But at least you have this. The kids are calling, something will come up.
Speaker 1:So Abby leaves and a few minutes later Richard's creepy, creepy boss stops by. He starts talking to Richard and he insinuates that Abby is a hooker, not quite. The reason the boss stops by is because they have this client, mr Harvey Franklin, and Mr Harvey Franklin likes to party. Now, the boss is not actually saying anything. So Richard's like, okay, you want me to take him out? He's like, yeah, yeah, you just make sure that he has a really, really good time. And he's like kind of looking around and Richard's like, okay, so no, so no budget is what you're saying. Make sure he has whatever he needs. Yeah, yeah, make sure he has whatever he needs.
Speaker 1:At this point the secretary walks in and she Mr Parkhurst, who's the boss? Your wife's downstairs, she's waiting for you. You guys are supposed to have lunch today. He's like okay, yeah, yeah, richard, don't forget, pick up Mr Franklin, make sure he has a good time. The secretary is kind of making a face, but not really. She's just kind of smiling a little hard. You know, woman to woman, you just see you, she's doing the thing.
Speaker 1:So once the boss leaves, richard starts to ask the secretary like what the heck is he talking about? He just he's being so vague and weird. Should I take Franklin to see the lakers, or something like which? What should I do? Should I fly him out? I don't know. And the secretary's like no, richard, he wants you to find him um, women of of a certain business he's like what kind of business? He's like? She's like the oldest business in the world, that one. Oh, what hookers? Yeah, get him some hookers.
Speaker 1:Didn't ever think about this before, but I guess richard doesn't seem like the type to have, I don't know, season one. He's definitely hit on some of the ladies before he. He does strike me as sleazy, but I guess he's not the type of person who would pay, or maybe he would, I don't know. I kind of remember him trying to pick up a lady in a bar. Can't remember what episode that was, but I was as surprised that he didn't know where to pick up hookers as I would have been if he knew where. I don't know why it's. It's one of those things like okay, I can kind of see why, as I would have been if he knew where. I don't know why. It's just one of those things like okay, I can kind of see why his boss would think that. But also, how dare you think that Turns out, richter don't know how to pick up hookers.
Speaker 1:He's like oh my God, where am I going to find that kind of entertainment. Luckily he has a date with Laura tonight. Now they're going to do the group thing. They're going to go over to one of the other couple's houses. They go over to the biggest F boy's house on the block to play cars with the former bad boy and the baby and Ginger. Of course Kenny is going to know what to do as he parties all the time. He sleeps around. Surely he knows a hooker or two, or at the very least where to find one. So they get a second away.
Speaker 1:And Richard asked Kenny for entertainment help and Kenny was like what kind you want, what kind of girls you into, what you need, you need this, that and the third. I'm like dang Kenny, you could at least pretend to be insulted. But he's like no, no, no, I know a guy, I know a bass player. He definitely has a hookup. He's sort of in that business. So you just let me know what you're looking for. I got you annoying position to be in.
Speaker 1:So Richard goes to the hotel this is a little bit later on the show and I believe there are two or three women who have been postmated over to the hotel. Mr Franklin shows up and Richard is. He has to introduce them. But he's not he's very much not into the pimp game, so he didn't really know what to say. He's a little nervous with the ladies Like, oh my God, like he didn't know how to talk to them. He didn't know how to talk to this Franklin guy because ultimately this guy is a client. He's there for a reason other than partying. I'm not really clear on what that reason is. So I guess all goes well. Richard's like you can have her, her or her. He's like I'll take her number two. And apparently they have a good time, they have themselves a time.
Speaker 1:When Richard goes back to work he's asking his boss about a case because he is a lawyer. And his boss is like oh yeah, I haven't had a chance to look at that. Say, is girl number two available? And immediately I was so offended Like dude, you can't turn this man into a pimp. It's starting to feel like his old law firm where he is a kind of run and fetch it guy. That's not who he is, that's not why. And I can't there I go. I can't quite figure out why they would think that. But then the other part of me is like well, yeah, he's emoting something that he's not conscious of, and whatever that is. You probably know some ways to do nefarious things if you need to. He just gives off that vibe.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, abby's PI has tracked down the children. So she puts on her flyest outfit and she gets on the first thing, smoking, so that she can go and pick up the kids. She tells Karen, she tells a couple people in the neighborhood and then she gets on a plane. I'm assuming yeah, obviously, because she doesn't drive. Right, she has a car, but she doesn't really like to drive. She flies out to see the kids.
Speaker 1:So we get to see the kids in their brand new apartment and Jeff comes home and he's like, hey, where's a babysitter? Olivia says she had something to do, so we, we just kind of had to wing it tonight. So what do you mean? Wing it tonight? How'd you get home? They go, some guy gave us a ride home. Jeff starts freaking out, rightfully so. But also, how do you? You, you got a lot of balls, my brother, you, you have a lot of balls. Sir olivia explains that, that all the kids except them had been picked up and she had no choice but to accept a ride from a weird guy in a car. Luckily he wasn't a pervert. All's well that ends well. He got us home, no problem.
Speaker 1:Well, jeff is none too pleased about it. He's scolding ol Olivia when there's a rat-a-tat-tat at the door. Olivia answers the door and it is Abby. Surprise, surprise, mother lover Abby popped up on that ass. Jeff has the nerve to be upset, tells the kids go to the kitchen, start making dinner. Now I have a lot of nerve being surprised by that, because I definitely had to help make salad, like that was part of my job as a kid growing up Help set the table or set the table with no help. I knew how to do it Set the table, make the salad, go out there and do that.
Speaker 1:Abby very calmly says Jeff, what you did was low down, I can't believe. You took my children away from me. I had no idea where they were. He has the audacity to say you knew, you knew I had him. I left you a tape. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where I start to get really upset.
Speaker 1:Turns out, raising kids isn't as easy as it looks. Turns out that being Mr Mom's not the best thing. She calmly explains to him hey, dude, whether you left a tape or not has nothing to do with the fact that you the point is that you took the children. I haven't seen them in almost two months because you refused to tell me. Like, please, please, don't play in her face. You know what she's saying.
Speaker 1:Jeff tells her that they're better off with him instead of being with an immoral, self-indulgent mother. Okay, yes, she's indulgent, yes, she is quote-unquote immoral, but you're not going to tell me this is the first time Jeff has ever pulled a stunt like this. This is extremely you know what. He might be a little bit annoyed that Abby is not the best, most well, I don't even want to say that. She's their mom. She mothers how she mothers. She just doesn't like responsibility. I can understand, I'm gonna fully. I'm gonna agree with him a little bit. She does need to be more responsible and more hands-on with her children, considering Valene is raising them. Also, I would have been so embarrassed If my kid had been missing for months and months and the postcard that the kid chooses to send Is to my neighbor Because she misses my neighbor so much. I would feel a way Abby's not focused on that part.
Speaker 1:After being called a moral and self indulgent, she's like okay, bet, guess what I'm going to do. I'm calling the police. Jeff's like ha ha ha, this state won't do squat. For whatever reason, they're not saying what state they're in. Abby says okay, that's cute, jeff, but guess what? I did my homework too. The police may not do anything, but the FBI will you better stop playing with me? So he begins to wrestle her for the phone, and the two adults in the room ie the children come in to break up the scuffle. Jeff tries to kick her out and she's like well, I ain't going nowhere, I'm not going anywhere. Olivia gets upset, the baby boy gets upset, abby goes no, honey, don't worry about it, I'm going to stay and help out with dinner. I'm going to stay here tonight. That I'm going to stay here tonight, that's such a controlling move. It's so manipulative to be like. I left you a tape. You are not moral enough to have the children. Then why do I have custody with them?
Speaker 1:What was the whole court case about? What evidence was produced? Because I'm the same. She's the same old she was before she left him. Apparently, she was sleeping with her old neighbors too. So what's new Now that your kids know who cares who cares?
Speaker 1:Stealing them in a Ninja Turtle van, then got the nerve to have an attitude. I just can't stand the way she's having to chase around this douchebag. Plus he clearly forgot who he was talking to when he told her to leave. Boy bye. She ain't going nowhere. I'm 100% team Abby on this episode. Maybe I like her, maybe I don't, but this is wrong. This is extremely cruel. I'm not going to be satisfied until he actually does jail time for this. This was so messed up. A phone call saying we are here, I think they're better off with me, is totally different than not allowing the children to have any contact with her, with stuffing them in a van, with running off with them like a thief in the night and not communicating. That has got to be. He's got to pay for that, as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 1:So Abby has to dig deep into her deeply immoral bag, all so she can re-seduce this man. She starts reminiscing with him, she starts begging with him. She's trying everything she can to kind of reason with this man as to why she should get her own children back. She even tells him that she'll move to this no-name state. She doesn't care about her life back there. Plus she ain't got no job. Plus he pays all the bills. So it's like he's going to continue to pay the bills and I'll move wherever you can just buy me an apartment here.
Speaker 1:She even falls into this creek on one scene. They go to the park. She dresses like the female brawny man on the paper towels and she ends up falling into this creek and I'm like man, she's really, really trying and it works because he falls in with her. They're like having this whole teasing romantic thing. The kids are laughing and she knew this was going to set the moment for like a kiss. So he starts to lean in, she starts to lean in, they start leaning in and then he's. But he's so predictable. I've seen this man a handful of times and I'm always surprised that he's just. It's not even a good mask, I guess that's what I would call it. I'm always surprised at how rough he is with her verbally and how he's always laying, putting his foot down, but the minute she backed her eyes and swings her hair, he's like okay, okay, okay, you want me still Egomaniac.
Speaker 1:So once they get back to the house, she has no choice but to change out of her wet clothes. She has to wait for them to dry, so that leaves her in a robe and I immediately thought about Terry on Falcon Crest, the acid test episode or the episode right before that. This was her plan get wet, then you got to change clothes, then they're going to be in a different state of mind. The man you're seducing then work out for old terry. It is working out like clockwork for abby. She and jeff are sitting in front of the fire. He's asking if the kids are in bed. You know he's trying to. He's trying to make something. They start reminiscing about how much fun they had that day, how the old days were so wonderful. She says, hey, well, why don't you just come back with us? Let's take the kids back. You can come back with me and live with me. So they end up going back to Knott's Landing, to quote unquote drop the kids off. They're going to try to work out something.
Speaker 1:Abby is fully in my opinion opinion I'm not done watching it in my opinion she's fully playing the role. She's fully re-seducing this man so that she can get what she wants. I refuse to believe that she's. I just I can't believe that she would cooperate. So Karen sees the kids and she's like oh my gosh, I'm so, so happy to see you, I'm so happy to see y'all. She's all hugging them. Oh my gosh, babies, I'm so glad you're back.
Speaker 1:And then jeff comes out of the house. He tells her he's sorry about sid and she's like yeah, that's great. Uh, what's going on? Jeff says abby and I are trying to work things out. Work things out, abby, are you for real? I don't see how you work. How do you work out things with a kidnapper? My point, exactly, karen. My point. He really is feeling himself like he's smirking. He's really like yeah, yeah, we're going to work this all out.
Speaker 1:Karen clearly has other things to do. Of course. She's running almost a dewing oil Oops At the dealership. Things are going fine. But she pulls Gary aside because she really wants to sell cars and she's like what can I do? He's like there's only really one way to do it. It's not something you can explain to people. You just kind of have to do it, you have to try it out. And that's exactly what she does now.
Speaker 1:Gary's talking to Valene about this at some point. I had completely forgotten the sticky fingers were still there. I kind of wasn't expecting her to be on this episode, but Lily Mae is appalled A woman selling cars. I said Lily Mae, for someone, god, for someone who's like a creative, who has a non-traditional job, somebody with a big dream. She sure does scoff at women who really are taking the time to do what they want to do with their life. Thinks it's dumb for Valene to want to be a writer or take a writing class. She thinks it's crazy that Karen would sell a car. Who's going to buy a car from a woman? Now it is difficult at the dealership.
Speaker 1:She spends a lot of time with this little guy. He is so cute to me, he's adorable. He's got the cutest little face. Let me stop saying little. He's shorter than her but he's super cute. He looks at these cars and he tells her you know what? I'm going to go do some thinking I'll be back. Gary's watching this from afar because he is a hands-off coach. And hey, gary's a coach. Huh, he's an alcoholic coach. He's a car salesman coach. And he asked her you know what happened? She says, oh, he's going to go check out something. He's going to come back and let me know what he wants to buy. Gary's like okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that's going to happen Next time.
Speaker 1:Karen is in the dealership, over over the showroom floor. Someone says over the intercom Mrs Farragate to the showroom, mrs Farragate to the showroom, you have a guest. She turns the corner. Tell me the corner. Tell me, why is Jeff in a three-piece suit? She's annoyed. She's also wearing the same shirt that Travis Kelsey wore to the Super Bowl not making fun, but it is, I promise you. Look at it, look at the picture. I promise you the same shirt, but she's not in the mood for Jeff today.
Speaker 1:Okay, what do you want, jeff? I hope you don't think we're going to be friends again. That's not going to happen. If you're here for my approval, you're not getting it. So what do you want? I want you to not hold this against me, karen.
Speaker 1:She said boy taking those kids, she may not be the best mother. Now Abby asked I'll give you that Abby may not be mother of the year, but you were way, way out of line. He's like I know, but I just need you to drop it because we're getting back together and he's kind of smiling all goofily and she goes. There's clearly something you want to tell me, so just say it. I got things to do. Okay, I'll tell you. Abby and I are getting married on Friday at 1 pm at the court. I'm thinking you can, sir, I would bet my no. I don't see that happening. I just finished this episode too, by the way. So Jeff's like you know, we're getting married, so you basically have, basically you need to accept me. This is gonna be really weird. If you know you, you still pissed off at me for stealing the kids and all. She's like all right, fine, whatever. I don't know if Laura has tracks in her hair, but she has a a huge amount of hair this season. I feel like she might be wearing a little piece here and there. It looks good.
Speaker 1:She comes out of the house one morning and Richard is talking to Abby at the car. Laura, go ahead. She walks over to Val's house to give her a book before she heads off to sell houses. Valene is on the floor doing her stretches and Sticky Fingers, is at the window just staring outside Doorbells ringing Ding dong. Lily Mae, don't move. Valene still stretching Ding dong. I literally shout at the TV get the door.
Speaker 1:Lily Mae, make yourself useful, make yourself useful. Valene ends up interrupting her calisthenics, opens the door, laura gives her the book and Lily Mae immediately starts to drop the tea like girl. You know, he stayed over there till 2 30 last night. They was all happy. I seen when they got out of the car they had all these nice bags and stuff. Looks like they had a real good time. I thought, okay, okay, she's definitely making herself useful. Lily Mae might have a use. Just yet. I was going to leave this part out of the episode, but I'm not going to. By the end of this episode I'm cheering and calculating. This is such a fun show.
Speaker 1:So, back at the dealership, karen is minding her business. When Mr Dorado, the handsome man who wants to buy a car, comes back, gary is shocked by this because he just knew he's like Karen. If he didn't buy it right, then he's probably not going to buy the car. You win some, you lose some. He's basically just telling her don't get discouraged if you don't ever see that guy again. Well, he comes back to the dealership. He didn't buy one, he buys four cars. You want to be sick to your stomach real quick. Do you want to pass out? Do you want to just fly into a blind rage right now? Ask me how much he bought those cars for. Go ahead and ask me. Oh, you want to know how much he bought the cars for. Of course, because Karen is such a savvy businesswoman, he offers her $4,700 for four automobiles, for four cars. That won't even take care of the TT&L tax, title and licensing on one car today, but for four he offers her that much money. She, being savvy, says no, give me $5,200. We got a deal. He gives her $5,200.
Speaker 1:Turns out this man is fighting the oil crisis, ie fighting against the Ewing family inadvertently, but doing his part nonetheless to reduce his carbon footprint. Before it was invoked, gary asked him you know well, what are you going to do with all four of those? He goes oh, I'm a wheat grower, I grow wheat south of the border and I was thinking is that code for marijuana? I'm a wheat grower, I grow wheat south of the border and I was thinking is that code for marijuana? Is that what you're saying? Are you finished? Just curious, why else do you need four cars? I was thinking, why would you need? You're going to put wheat in the car.
Speaker 1:Grew up in Texas. I'm thinking why didn't he buy a pickup? That's what I'm thinking. But he explains that no, I'm a wheat farmer. I grow wheat and I turn it into fuel. I turn it into weed, weed-a-hall, weed-a-hall. No, my bad, my bad, it's not weed-a-hall, it's called gas-a-hall. Apparently. He grows dwarf wheat which when you burn it it turns into alcohol. He makes it with gasoline. It makes gas-a-hall. He's going to run four cars on gas-a-hall. You learn something every day.
Speaker 1:I had no idea that was a thing. I'm flabbergasted. But me and Karen were like oh, you're going to put wheat in the car. That don't make no sense. Also, gary's pants are super, super tight. They're way tighter than Karen's. It's a little bit distracting. Anyway, that night he goes home and he's proud of Karen. We're all proud of her. Congratulations on your first car sale.
Speaker 1:Goes home and he's telling Lily Mae and Valene about it. But they're serving soup out of this giant. I guess it's a soup bowl, I don't know. Looks like a porcelain punch bowl to me. Lily Mae has a change of heart. I guess a woman can sell a car. She's got the prerogative to change her mind if she wants a little bit.
Speaker 1:Later Karen comes over and Karen spills a tea about what Jeff had told her, that he and Abby are going to get married at 1 pm on Friday. Now Lily Mae is good and nosy. She's just kind of like is that so? So they all three Valene, karen and Lily Mae accidentally just happened to be in the area around 1 pm on Friday Like, oh, oh, hey, girl, hey, well, you know, we couldn't resist. So they're sitting on the bench outside, jeff and his mom are inside. He's got a corsage. His mother had the nerve to show up with a straight face. Girl I'm mm, mm, mm. With the straight face, knowing you knew the whole time where, okay, whatever, she's supporting her son, I got to let that be what that's going to be. And they're waiting and waiting and outside Karen, valene and Lily Mae are like dang, she's taking forever. Karen tells them you know she's always late for everything She'll be here when she gets here.
Speaker 1:By this time Jeff and his mother start walking out of the courthouse and they see the ladies and they're like hey, we're sorry, we just wanted to be here to to congratulate you guys. After the fact, tell me why an officer comes out right about then and I literally start cheering like, yes, I knew, I knew there was nothing about Abby that tells me she's going to. She don't want that man that tells me she's gonna. She don't want that man and he is boo-boo the fool to be re-seduced by the woman who played you 47 different ways. You are not that clever, sir. You sent a tape. You got played. Your baby was smarter than you. She sent a postcard. You've been exposed. You really, really thought she was gonna show up and be like yes, I love you, I trust you, I trust you. This is a man I should absolutely spend the rest of my life with. He is so damn stupid.
Speaker 1:Anyway, the cop comes up behind him and I'm wanting him to pull out the clinkety clink cuffs, put them in that sterling silver hardware and haul his ass inside the jail. Instead, he hands him an envelope. I'm like what is this? It's a restraining order. Oh baby, oh my gosh, this totally made my day. Abby says Jeff, try me one more time. Let me see you come around these kids one more time. I'm going to put your ass in jail for kidnapping them.
Speaker 1:I loved it, oh my God them. I loved it. Oh my god, I loved it. Also, jeff's mother's face card is impeccable. She is a beautiful older woman gorgeous, but she's still trifling and I'm so glad it happened in front of her. They deserved that.
Speaker 1:Lily may, sitting off to the side, being nosy. So, oh my god, oh it, I knew it. There's no way nothing about her should have led him to believe that she wanted him back. But that's that ego, that's an egomaniac thing he's got going on. Of course she did. I did this for her own good. When he went to go visit Karen, he tells Karen, abby's a changed woman. She's changed. This just brought her to her senses. I basically did her a favor by kidnapping her children and keeping her out of the loop. He believed that he had cured her of her bad motherdom. Don't he know? By 4 pm today them kids are going to be with that lean again. I can't believe he had the audacity. You should have seen him storm off. He drops a corsage. She wouldn't wear that damn corsage anyway. Lily Mae comes through you know sticky fingers, mcgillicuddy and she sniffs the corsage. So this would be cute with my outfit. I guess it's going to have to be. I'm glad she's going to get it. You see Abby walking out of herself, her house in all red, about to take the kids, skating and whatnot I kid skating and whatnot. I hope he shows up again. And there you have it, folks.
Speaker 1:This episode turned out better than I could have expected. I hate my reasoning for switching it up, but I think this is going to work out for the best Again, rest in peace, rest in power, michelle. Do your thing, abby. Oh God, I did have a thought at one point. It'd be really funny if she got him all the way down there and they put the cuffs on him. It's almost like the Roadrunner in Wile E Coyote. She literally propped a box up with a stick and put a ring underneath it, knowing he'd go for it.
Speaker 1:Oh you want me? Sure, we're going to sweep this under the rug. You idiot. She could never trust you it. Oh, you want me? Sure, we're going to sweep this under the rug. You idiot, she could never trust you again. Oh my gosh, all right, guys, that's it. That's all for this episode. Stay where you are, go refresh your drink. Stay tuned for Dynasty, season 4, episode 16. A little girl or a little girl, until next time, stay hydrated, stay moist. A little girl or little girl, until next time, stay hydrated, stay moist, rise, mind your own business, study abby's, play me, play yourself playbook and keep all of your drama on tv. Thank you.