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S4 Ep15 Dallas: The Quest- The "Can I Please Fornicate In Peace?" Filthy Indulgence Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 266

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What's up Soap Fiends?  Ever crave something so deliciously bad for you that you're willing to create an elaborate ruse at the grocery store to hide your shame? That fluorescent stadium nacho cheese speaking to your soul is exactly what kicks off this exploration of Dallas Season 4, Episode 15, where characters' attempts at indulgence mirror our own guilty pleasures. This episode masterfully presents three variations on a theme: the eternal struggle between desire and conscience. Pam finds herself drawn to her handsome editor while on a photoshoot in Port Aransas, standing at the hotel door between fidelity and temptation. Despite her frustrations with Bobby's neglect, something stops her from crossing that line. Meanwhile, JR Ewing – fully recovered and back to manipulative glory – successfully orchestrates international coups and political machinations, yet can't seduce his PR consultant who's secretly recording his every move. Perhaps most compelling is Sue Ellen's journey, as she decides she's earned the right to an affair after years of JR's humiliations. When she discovers she's being followed, not even her therapist believes her – until she proves it with the determination of a woman who's been gaslit one too many times. Her discovery of who's been stalking her creates the perfect cliffhanger that leaves viewers desperate for more. What makes this episode special is how it balances high-stakes Dallas drama with relatable human moments. Every character wants their moment of private chaos or indulgence, only to have life interrupt their plans. It's the universal experience of craving those stadium nachos only to have dinner plans appear, forcing you back into responsible adulthood. The episode reminds us that there's something deeply human about our moments of desired indulgence, whether they're romantic temptations or nostalgic junk food. Sometimes the dirt we try to do in peace gets interrupted – and that's where the real drama begins. Ready to see who's in that limousine watching Sue Ellen? Tune in next time for the fallout from everyone's thwarted desires.

Speaker 1:

In Dallas, texas, in what appears to be spring in a fur coat. I can tell you she is mustier than a 7th grade boys locker room. I know that for a fact. She smells like yum, yum and warm garbage. I can tell you after about 20 minutes.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soap Floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and LG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jeb, viewing and reviewing the soapy and sudsy primetime storyline of 1981. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy Till the kids. It's time to play outside or out of sight, tell babe no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes. Everyone else in earshot, cool, quiet or kicked out. Those are the only options, baby, because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soapy. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome or welcome back to another fun-filled edition of SoFloor. I hope your day is shaping up fantastically. I know mine is. I couldn't wait to talk about this episode. We're going to go ahead and do another doubleheader and get a very, very interesting storyline in our consciousness immediately. Very, very interesting storyline in our consciousness immediately.

Speaker 1:

So go ahead, go get washed up, pour yourself up something bubbly and bright. Or, on second thought, maybe not the getting washed up part, not the keeping it in our conscious thing, because sometimes you just need to get down and dirty. Do you ever feel like just being filthy sometimes? Sometimes you just want to be alone and be a little bit dirty. Get your mind out of the gutter. It's not what you think, that's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about unapologetic, nostalgic kind of dirty. It's the Haagen-Dazs in your pajamas on a Sunday morning. Kind of dirty the entire cheese pizza by yourself while watching reruns of Full House. Kind of dirty the entire cheese pizza by yourself while watching reruns of Full House. Kind of dirty.

Speaker 1:

Every now and then I allow myself to indulge in something that takes me right back to my childhood. It is the glory and filthy ritual of stadium style nachos. Let me be very specific. I'm not talking about NFL, nhl, nba style nachos at a professional game. I'm talking random Tuesday and February basketball game at your local high school nachos. They are my absolute kryptonite. At least twice a year the nacho goblin starts whispering in my ear Chad, chad, don't you want some fluorescent cheese? I'm like shut up. No, I don't. I'm an adult now I don't do that anymore, but it won't. Let me be.

Speaker 1:

For those of you who don't live in the States or those of you who didn't go to a public school, let me enlighten y'all. What I'm talking about are nachos, not the delicious traditional Tex-Mex Mexican nachos with the delicious traditional tex-mex mexican nachos with the ground beef and the seasoning, all the fun stuff, something that you pay at least 14 bucks for at a restaurant. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about neon orange cheese that oozes from a gallon size pan can piled onto salty round tortilla chips they have to be the round ones and a flimsy paper contraption or a styrofoam bowl. That's what I'm talking about. I am supporting the student council of Jefferson County by buying these $3 nachos, and let me tell you what the student council is very generous. All the restaurants should take note.

Speaker 1:

When I finally go in, I make it a masterpiece. First, I like to charm the concession stand kids. I have a student council president too. Oh, my God, you guys are doing such good work and I tip, tip your local student council. I charm the concession stand kid into layering it just right.

Speaker 1:

In order to do this properly, what you need to do is pull out the little paper. I prefer the paper versus the styrofoam bowl. For some reason I feel like they never stack them correctly. But what you do is you layer the salty round chips first. Then you go in with about three quarters of a ladle of cheese. You need it evenly distributed on top of all of those. Add another layer of cheese Excuse me, another layer of chips, another layer of cheese and, depending on how froggy I was feeling this is back in the day. This was my like go to thing If the babysitting money was hitting right, circa fifth grade through my senior year, totally gross. But if the babysitting money was hitting right and you know this is before I knew what heartburn was sometimes I get extra jalapenos, the pickled ones, the pickled ones that came in the can, very important.

Speaker 1:

There's some in a jar, there's some in the can. I prefer the can pickled jalapenos. Or sometimes I'd have it topped off with a equally disgusting vat of chili from the same questionable paint can. I just didn't think about where it comes from. Chili cheese, jalapenos, sometimes shredded cheese. It was just glorious.

Speaker 1:

And back in the day, because I was a true child of chaos, I'd wash it all down with a large plastic cup of Big Red. I love the way Big Red hit. It just hit so differently If I got chili. If I didn't get chili, I'd probably get something like Dr Pepper. It was very specific. And for dessert I'd chase it all with either a blow pop ring or a blow pop sucker, because I mean you need dessert right. As a kid this was my idea of fun Stadium nachos or the sweet, messy indulgence of a Frito pie made basically the exact same way. Sometimes I chase it with a pickle because I mean it was just I was young.

Speaker 1:

Now, these days I can't handle a pickle. It has way too much horror on my stomach and my my acid reflux is set up in a way that I could just never. Big red can't do that either. Gotta replace that with something more respectable. Bottle of water, sparkling water if I'm feeling fancy and baby. Let's not even talk about the chili and beans and jalapenos at the same time. That's just tempting fate. I don't have the guts for that anymore, but when the craving hits, I still love to embrace this chaos at least twice a year, even if it means I no longer get to chase this delectable filth with a blow pop or a ring pop. Now I got to chase it with Alka-Seltzer because we good and big grown.

Speaker 1:

So one day last week I was like you know what, forget it. It just kept gnawing at me, probably because I wanted to do like a juice fast. But it's like nah, nah, nah, you need nachos, you need stadium nachos. You need stadium nachos, not respectable nachos in a restaurant. So one day last week I decided to create this dirty delight in the privacy of my own home. No judgment, no shame, just me, my family, my sweats, a pile of soggy chips fused to the paper tray exactly the way I like it, because it's congealed with the cheese.

Speaker 1:

And of course, in order to make this beautiful, smutty dream happen, I had to make a trip to the grocery store. Now I wanted to look respectable, so I grabbed all the ingredients, but I peppered it with fresh produce sparkling water, a birthday card, some cleaning supplies. You know what I'm saying? You can't have cheese, chili chips. They're like oh my god, are you really gonna feed this to your family? What mind your business, gerald, don't ask me about me. I won't ask you about you. I don't need you judging my scumbag plan. So I buy all the ingredients.

Speaker 1:

I get home, I'm ready to dive into cheesy nirvana when the doorbell rings. Apparently, the doorbell rings because my phone had been left in the car. I had no idea. Turns out I had a dinner date with a couple of my girlfriends and I'm like, uh no, actually, here's the truth. The dinner date was on the calendar. It had been canceled by one of the girls because she thought she had something coming up. Turns out she didn't. She was the only one who forgot that. She goes around picking up everybody. Nobody wants to say no because you're offering to buy a meal. So I'm like crap. I literally had to do a double take. I'm not even going to lie. There was a little bit of sweat on my brow.

Speaker 1:

I was a little bit stressed, like, do I leave this plan and go out with my friends? I really didn't want to do it. Not because I didn't want to do it, I ended up doing it and by all intents and purposes, it was a wonderful evening. I ate with a fork, I ate on a real plate, I had a cloth napkin. Great conversation, wonderful time, but there was just something that didn't sit right in my spirit, in the back of my mind. I was upset. I felt like I had been cheated of me, cheating on myself. I wanted to be a scumbag for a day. I was tired of being responsible. I wanted to go back to fifth grade, seventh grade, ninth grade glory and just eat this filth responsibly. I was going to take my medicine, chase it with a heartburn pill or whatever, make sure I have juice the next morning. But I couldn't do it and I just felt cheated a little bit. But you know what? That's just life. That is adulting 101.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes your peace, whether it's filthy or clean, gets disturbed by politeness, class or regular obligations, and sometimes unexpected plans hijack your premeditated chaos. It's like today's episode of Dallas, season four, episode 15, the Quest. None of the characters can seem to do their dirt in peace. Between guilty consciences, rusty pickup lines and a stalker situation ruining everybody's pre-planned fornication, nobody gets a break. Can a girl just have her stadium nachos and eat them too? Apparently not. So settle in for season four, episode 15 of Dallas, the Quest. This episode is my absolute favorite type of episode because you get to see characters being stretched, you get to see the complexities of a simple decision, you get to see the intricacies of a family.

Speaker 1:

This episode is basically one theme shown three different ways. It's the will I or won't I? Basically one person who's like I've never done this, but I think I really, really want to. I need, I need a dirty moment just to myself. I think I'm gonna do it. Another person who's always doing dirty deeds. It's like is something wrong with me. I'm trying to be dirty but I just can't. What? What's really going on? And the third is like I've been on the straight and narrow. I've been on the dirty, dirty side. Guess what it's up. It's whatever. I'm doing, any and everything I want to do.

Speaker 1:

So let's start with the bit players first. Now Miss Ellie and Jock. You guys know how I feel about the geriatrics. Bring them out, bring them out, bring them out. They have something to say. Miss Ellie is still on her sort of secret day drinking thing. Nobody is really clocking that.

Speaker 1:

Ellie is upset. She feels a way because now the bastard son that Jock had while they were married has lived on their land. He's been a great person. She has absolutely loved him up until the moment she realized that her middle son, who you already know how I feel about Gary I refuse to go there right now because I still feel the way.

Speaker 1:

I get the feeling some BS is on the horizon. Although he didn't really piss me off in the last episode of North Landing, I thought he was quite innocent. Him getting beat up by Karen kind of made me feel good. But I understand he's growing. I'm gonna trust the consensus here. He will grow, he will grow.

Speaker 1:

But that's neither here nor there. All Ellie knows is that North Landing is doing a little too well. He ain't coming back to Dallas and she feels a way about it, so much so that she's not making dinner plans. Matter of fact, there's one scene where Bobby comes in. He's all geeked up on solar energy and it's going to be the wave of the future, and dad, give it six months. Here we are, 40 plus years later. It's still taking a long time to catch on. That's neither here nor there. Jock is grumpy. He's sitting alone at the pre-drinking rally pep rally they have before they eat dinner, and he can't for the life of him figure out why nobody wants to eat with his grumpy ass. Uh, because you're unpleasant? Uh, because things are falling around you. He's just, he's none the wiser.

Speaker 1:

Ellie comes downstairs in dallas, texas, in what appears to be spring, in a fur coat. I can tell you she is mustier than a seventh grade boy's locker room. I know that for a fact. She smell like yum, yum and warm garbage. I can tell you after about 20 minutes. Nevertheless, she'd rather be hot and musty than sit in that house and eat with him. So you have that salt salt, that whole sort of underground or, excuse me, underlying tension, that jock he's picking. He knows something is up, but he doesn't really know what the exact thing is. And she's just sort of stewing in her anger, which is a dangerous situation to be in, especially at her age. Age has nothing, doesn't have a lot to do with it, but it does. It's like.

Speaker 1:

This is a woman who is mature. She's been through so many things. She was able to forgive him for having this baby out of wedlock. She was able to welcome the baby into their home because you know what, at the end of the day, that's her kid's brother, plus, he likes horses and she needed a replacement. Ray was serving a purpose for her and now that he is legitimized, he hadn't changed. He's still the same sweet person. He don't want the name, he don't want to interject into family business. He is very polite, he very much acts like a guest visiting, but all she sees is the obstacle between having her entire family under her thumb in that house, even though they're on 40 plus acres. I don't see why everybody can't just live in different houses. That's neither here nor there, because there's no drama there, right, just know that Ellie feels a way, but she's struggling in feeling this way.

Speaker 1:

There's a scene where I guess Jock was staying up to wait for her. He falls asleep, looking dapper. By the way, he looks amazing in his big amber colored my husband has a temper glasses and she comes in and she does the not slanding thing. She's able to emote all of her love but tension toward him as he's asleep. She doesn't say anything while he's awake, but she's able to kind of let the audience know that this, this is a problem. I feel away, god, I feel away. I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I am so eager, so pumped to see how that turns out.

Speaker 1:

Next up we got our girl Lucy, the recently domesticated Mrs. Was it Cooper, something like that Doesn't matter. She and Mitch are in marital bliss and she's really trying to step up as a wife. She's like okay, I'm rich, he has a problem with money. Let me do my thing at home so that he's willing to come home. So she decides to have a little dinner party in their very cute apartment. She wants mama, who looks like a bewitches mama, to come, and she wants Afton to come.

Speaker 1:

Well, mitch comes home, which is really weird. He comes home only to tell her that he can't stay because he needs to be back at the uh, the, the, the cert. Whatever he's helping, he's doing something. He needs to go back to school. And she's like are you serious? Your mom and him are coming over. And he's like well, you should have let me know. This is where cell phones would be very convenient, although they're not. So I'm like Mitch, how are you going to fix your face to be like you should have called me and told me about the dinner party? You should have called her and told her that you were just stopping by to leave a book. Would you have left me a car? I digress, it's irrelevant. The dinner party is going to happen because she has set the table beautifully. It looks like those settings. If you went into Dillard or JCPenney's back in the day and they have the table settings already up, it looks like that.

Speaker 1:

So Mama, afton and Lucy are chatter, chatter, chittering and Mama's going on and on about how wonderful JR has been to Afton's budding music career, lucy being the spawn of scumbag Ewing number two. Here's all the things that aren't said, all the things that mama doesn't know. Jr has helped you because you have helped him horizontally. So, lucy, oh my God, this is a lesson in Southern charm. I implore you to watch this episode. She says oh, that's a wonderful afternoon, but we just need to be careful about our reputation. You are from Biloxi, right? I thought it was kind of weird. She didn't know where her husband was from, but I think this is Southern Woman Shade. And Mama says yes, afton was the most popular girl in Biloxi.

Speaker 1:

Now I feel like Biloxi circa 1980 and Dallas circa 1980 are not vastly different in size, in my opinion. I wasn't either here nor there. So Lucy starts to very politely say this ain't Biloxi. This is a big town, but it's also a small town. There's lots of people talking. You got to be very careful, especially in your line of work. You are singing in lounges and such at night. You're keeping weird company. You got to be very careful. Your brother loves you so much. And Abner's mom is none the wiser. She's like, yeah, your brother loves you so much. So Abner starts to get in her feelings a little bit like Lucy. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. So Lucy says a little more politely Well, it could be misconstrued basically that maybe there's more going on than needs to.

Speaker 1:

We don't need any gossip, especially when your hard working brother, who works his finger to the bone he has 50, 11 jobs is building a solid, good, honest name for himself and for me and for you. It would be a shame if something like a rumor about you and someone else ruined that. Afrin ain't trying to hear that she want to leave. Oh, lucy, this has been a cute dinner. I hear everything you're saying, but it's like you're not going to.

Speaker 1:

At Lolita, the North Texas Lolita, she has been through this 50, 11 times. Her father's a scumbag. Her mom is a Vidalia Onion Queen. Her uncle is the scumbag. Her mom is a Vidalia Onion Queen. Her uncle is the scumbag of Dallas and she knows if you have any affiliation with him, you're in that scumbag bag too. This is the sort of dirt that needs to be private. This isn't one of those things we need to drag out into the open. So you do your hog and dogs and dirty deeds behind closed doors. Make sure your brother don't hear about it or you will have a problem with a North Texas low leader.

Speaker 1:

I'm loving the Lucy storyline. I'm loving seeing Lucy a little bit more because she is so strong, even though she's vulnerable. But she's still like she, like a female jr, and I love it. Mrs lucy ewing is a hard name to say. Mrs lucy ewing cooper is also very bright. She ain't got time to be cleaning and cooking all she's. This is very new. This is a recent development. So she hires a housekeeper to take care of things while Mitch is away.

Speaker 1:

Fair enough, we got to talk about our good sister, pam. Okay, so remember, pam is in Port Aransas. She is doing this super, very important photo shoot for Dallas Life magazine. I don't know why they need to be down there so many days. It is what it is and Alex, the editor of Dallas magazine, wants her bad, bad In a bad way. He's showing up. They're having the time of their lives.

Speaker 1:

This is Pam's dirty little secret because, you see, bobby is busy. He has other endeavors. He has forgotten the promise they made at the end of season two where they were just going to run away. They were going to announce landing, hang out with gary and then start their own little spin-off, but I guess that didn't work with the producers. They were like you know, we need more than just sue, ellen and jr at the house and lucy, we need some other people to bounce things off of. So you guys got to stay. That's all fine, well and good.

Speaker 1:

However, pam is none the wiser about any of Bobby's promises, and you know what happens when you start to feel disconnected from your love. You need another connection, and Alex is just that. So he is saying all the right things, he is getting close enough to make things happen, but they're not happening, because we all know that almost doesn't count. But on this episode he's like I really really have to kind of push this to the next level. Now.

Speaker 1:

Pam's assistant is like girl, what you doing? Pam's like mind your business. They go to dinner and he says Pam, what are you doing? Why are we doing this? She goes just probably so busy he's ignoring me. I just feel very lonely, I'm very vulnerable and I enjoy you, but I just my heart won't let me do the thing I want to do.

Speaker 1:

She can't fully indulge in her filth. She can't get down in a greasy bowl of gelatinous nachos. She's like I. Just I still have the self-respect of a married woman. I can't do it. So he tries. One last thing. They have the adjoining rooms, as a lot of hotels do, the kick door ones, not the ones inside. It's an adjoining door. He sends flowers to her rooms one more time and he leaves a note. He's like all you got to do is open the door. Now she goes to reach for the door because she wants it and I'm still getting used to her, rick James perm but she reaches down, she tries to twist the knob and then the better part of her, her conscience, her good wifeness, jumps on her and she locks the door and moves on.

Speaker 1:

So the next day, of course, he's like I'm leaving. She said why are you leaving so early? I'm so sorry. I'm just please. I'm so sorry, alex, I really, really really want to, but there's just something in me that can't do it. And he goes. I understand that. And listen, I'm used to being chased, but for some reason I'm chasing you. I want you so badly. If your man ever makes one mistake too many. I want you to hit me up. And she was like all right, fine. So she wraps up the whole thing. She goes back to Dallas but, unbeknownst to her, miss Donna Culver and her same age stepson have had to rearrange a few things. Okay, so I'm gonna dibble, dabble, we'll get to JR, we'll get to Sue Ellen. We're gonna have to cross-reference their storylines just a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Jr is back at the helm at Ewing Oil. He is no longer walking with a limp, he is back on his bully. He's doing all this way before the internet was made mainstream. One of his appointments that day is he talks to one of the advisors on the Culver campaign and he says you better make sure that Cliff Barnes isn't the natural candidate, which he would be right he would be. That's the reason they sought him out. Nobody has a problem with him. They have the PR people to rearrange that. Plus, donna Colvert is a little bit sweet on him because they have fang on. So the consultant is like okay, I'll do my very best, but what he doesn't tell JR is that okay, if it can't be Cliff, it needs to be another boy scout, it needs to be somebody squeaky clean, someone who appears to really care for the state and for the little people, that's no other than Bobby Ewing, his baby brother. So Donna and her party, including the consultant, reach out to Bobby and they introduce the uh, the position of senator to him and to my shock and surprise, he takes it. So by the time Pam comes back, bobby has a whole new game plan. She thinks this one thing is a whole nother thing.

Speaker 1:

Now, mind you, I got to sprinkle Sue Ellen in here just a little bit. We are cross-referencing storylines. We'll get to each one in a minute. Sue Ellen is gallivanting for the night and she walks out just like Miss Ellie with her fur coat. I guess you need to show your rich in Dallas, even though it's like 90 degrees, it's hot, but at least Sue Ellen is walking out at night. She sees Bobby in the driveway. She goes hey, bob, where is Pam? I ain't seen Pam in a couple days. What's going on?

Speaker 1:

Bobby is a little bit tense about this, because it's like it took him a couple days to realize that she wasn't there, which is embarrassing. He's like oh, she's in Port Aransas, she has a job. So Sue Ellen goes oh, oh, she's, she's working. I knew she was doing something in Port Aransas. At least now I know what it is. Bye, that is Southern woman speaking. Oh, your wife has been gone for many days. You think she's working down there. That's cute. Okay, cool, we'll go with that. She is wink wink working. Bye, bobby, it's a whole entire mess. Bye, episodes end.

Speaker 1:

It's very disappointing because she has resisted the urge to jump in bed with alex, who is a smoke show, if I might say so myself. She's resisted that because of her love for Bobby. She's like he's just going through a phase which is very, very fair. She's being conscious, she's trying to be supportive, even though it sucks, even though she wants to act up, she wants to turn out, she wants to have those nachos, but the knock, the best friends at the door is her conscience, so she can't do it. Bobby does indeed take the position and she has to mull through this as yet another neglected wife in the Texas penal system or whatever system. I'm a little bit embarrassed. Desire is one thing, moral compass is another. You know who doesn't struggle with a moral compass, mr JR Ewing.

Speaker 1:

John Ross Ewing is back on his bully. John Ross Ewing, the second. Let me be clear he is, he is awake. He has no rehab. He has been a bully from the bedside for a very long time and now he is the leader and enforcer of the do dirt dude decree. These are scumbags who are not affected by normal things like the economy, hurt feelings, suicide attempts OK, that happens. That is part of the course in business. He is back on his bully and he has found another scumbag to partner with.

Speaker 1:

Now this scumbag comes in. He says hey, jr, why don't we overthrow a foreign government, the same foreign government where you bought those foreign wells? And if you overthrow the government, then the cartel is back in it. Bada bing, bada boom. Everything's cool and I'm going to help you with a little bit of money, but keep my name out your mouth or I will Will Smith you via Chris Rock, and he's like okay, gotcha, mind you, miss Leslie Stewart is his PR person.

Speaker 1:

She's trying to do her job, but, as I say this out loud and as I watch this back, she's doing her job, but she's very astute. She understands that he has other things going. It is her job to know what everyone is doing. Being a PR person circa 1980, much like Tracy is being aware of all situations at all times. So she's presenting this like hey, I have this poster, hey, I have this.

Speaker 1:

And she notices right away that he's not paying attention to her. It's not because he's distracted about the foreign oil coup, it is because she does not want to engage in horizontal intercourse with him. And he's like what the F is going on? Is it the bullet? Is it my limp? What's going on with me? Why can't I pull this woman? Here's the difference. He is used to sleeping with a Christian and an Afton. They are the younger sister of someone in his family. They are young women. Young women are easier to seduce than women who have lived their entire lives. They know what's going. Family. They are young women. Young women are easier to seduce than women who have lived their entire lives. They know what's going on. They don't want any part of whatever they are is going at them.

Speaker 1:

So he is struggling with this but, unbeknownst to him, stuart is on her bully as well. She may not walk with a cane, she may not walk with a limp, but you know what she walks with, you know what she sleeps with. You know what she drinks tea with. She drinks tea, sleeps with and walks with a tape recorder at all times. She is putting two and two together. So as I watch this back, I'm like God she's just bringing the most basic information to him. But because she understands that he's not really paying attention, she is. I think she's using this to her advantage, getting them to warm up to her a little bit more.

Speaker 1:

So he destroys a meeting that she's supposed to have with someone. He shows up at her apartment. She's in a robe, so it looks like she's not going anywhere. And she's like JR. I told you 50, 11 times I don't sleep where I eat. I don't do all those things with someone I'm working with, and I know you, you know whatever. My one meeting got canceled so I made another. That's what I do, that's how I feed myself, that's how I take care of myself. Takes off her robe. She is fully ready to rock and roll and walk out.

Speaker 1:

He just can't for the life of him understand why this doesn't come to pass Now. It is worth noting that this entire time he is successfully staging a coup. Worth noting that this entire time he is successfully staging a coup. He is successfully cock blocking Cliff Barnes. He is successfully putting things in order to rearrange his title as the creme de la creme, the king of the hill, if you will, in Dallas, in Dallas, and by the end of the episode he does a very, very good job. Only he can't bag the one baddie that he really, really wants to bag. Par for the course, I suppose I remember reading years and years ago that a husband or wife who have gastric bypass or that sort of surgery, they have like a 90% divorce rate after two years because the spouse can't get over the fact that they are not the old person. This feels like a JR situation to me when I think about this.

Speaker 1:

He is recovered from a deadly incident. He is back on his bully, he's doing all the things, but things are falling into place. When last we left him he could be cocky, he could be disrespectful to the cartel and anyone else, because he was that dude. But now he's having to kind of worm his way into it and it's worth saying. I don't know if the writers intended on cheering for him or not, but I do because the man is good. The man is Kris Jenner good. Without a blackberry, without a cell phone, without the internet, he is jumping all over the place making things happen in real time behind the scenes. He has spent 90 of this season up until season episode 15, by the pool or in a bed. But he's about to stage a coup. He is rerouting cliff Barnes's political career. I can't help but to love him. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm actually I'm not sorry, I'm enjoying it. Shout out to the writers now, while I'm enjoying his fiascos, what, who is not, is Sue Ellen, and Sue Ellen has been through it all.

Speaker 1:

Let's can we just briefly recap she married the man. She was trained her entire life to be a beauty queen, to be a rich man's wife. She gets into it eight years deep. They hardly doing big deed. She ain't got no babies. He's sleeping with 90% of Dallas and she's trying to get around with whomever she can. Yet she finally decides you know what? Enough is enough. This is never gonna work. She finds love. He sleeps with her one time manages to knock her up. Or maybe it's ray, remember, remember. She's with ray, ray's uh ewing. So who knows? She has her business splashed all over the front page of us. She can no longer be the head of the daughters of Alamo because of this controversy. She gets pregnant. She gets drunk because she's upset. She gives birth to this baby. She fell in love with this dude. He ends up dying in the non-existent hills between Dallas and San Angelo, texas. It's just. It's just a horrible situation for her. Jr gets shot. He starts being the man she fell in love with, only to find out that not only is he's back on his scumbag bag, he's sleeping with their niece's sister-in-law after he knocked up Sue Ellen's baby sister.

Speaker 1:

Now I would beg to say, you can't expect this woman to follow any other protocol at this point. She has been the good wife, she has been the bad wife, she's been all the things in between. This man has embarrassed her 50 different ways. From Sunday. She has done all she can to be Mrs Sue Ellen Ewing, and she's like you know what. Caution to the wind. He's going to sleep with the little girl. Guess what? My ex showed up to the wedding. I'm going to make sure we have ourselves a good time, and that's what she decides on this episode. She says Clint, guess what darling? We're going to establish this affair. I'm very sorry about your wife, but it's going to have to be what's going to be.

Speaker 1:

Only, much like myself, she can't indulge in her disgusting nachos because somebody is watching her. So after she embarrasses Bobby by reminding him that he didn't even know his wife was missing and allegedly she's in Port Aransas, quote unquote working. She drives into Dallas and she pulls into the restaurant that she's supposed to meet her ex flame with and she noticed a shiny brown car with the windows down, no tent, no, nothing. He was conspicuous, as can be now. She is paranoid is a funny word. To me, paranoid means you are assuming something is happening that is not. But are you paranoid if it's true? Sue Ellen can't be paranoid, because every time she's had a hunch it's been the real deal.

Speaker 1:

So she can't even go in here and plan this fornication with this man, clint, because she watched a man follow her into the, into the restaurant. So she goes and she's like yo, clint, do you think your wife is none the wiser about this? And he's like no, no, no, that's not her thing, she's not really worried about that. She would, she would be clueless. I guarantee you she would never hire that. She's like okay, this feels weird.

Speaker 1:

So she talks to her real husband, dr Elby. Now, dr Elby has always reminded me of a Christmas elf in those Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer claymation films, the one with the Abominable Snowman and all that. I don't know why he doesn't look like Timmy the dentist, but he does to me. Just just watching me you'll be like, yeah, he gives elf vibes, right. So she's like Dr Elby. If I don't know nothing else, I know somebody is following me. You got to think about this.

Speaker 1:

Dr Elby is the steadiest, most constant man in her life next to Bobby. So I don't really know why she decided to sink her fangs into Bobby this episode. I don't know what that was about. Maybe she hates to see people happy, hurt people, hurt people. But Dr Elby says do you think you're imagining this? You've imagined things before.

Speaker 1:

And I am so proud of her because here's the difference between a Sue Ellen Ewing and a Claudia Blaisdell Carrington. Claudia has been in the clink two times. Actually, she's been in the sanatorium two times. She's never been in the jailhouse. Sue Ellen has been pregnant, drinking mouthwash that was filled with alcohol, stole a car, crashed into a pole, then went to jail, then was pulled over one time when she really was sober. But Claudia has been in the sanatorium two times.

Speaker 1:

Claudia's like. I can't even say that I feel something's off because people are going to think I'm crazy. Sue Ellen was like I've done crazy things and I haven't been crazy. So, dr Elby, what you won't do is disrespect me in my face. I cut a fat check for you every month Facts I've been telling the truth. When I told you somebody pulled me over when I was sober, was I telling it? Was that a fantasy or was that the truth? It was the truth. When I told you that I didn't kill my husband and I was set up, was that the truth or was that a fantasy? It was a truth. When I told you that I was being set up for all sorts of X, y and Z, was that the truth or was that a fantasy? It was a truth.

Speaker 1:

She's like. What you not gonna do was play in my rich face. I'm wearing fur in the middle of May in Texas. What you're not gonna do is disrespect me. Shout out to Sue Ellen I wish Claudia the Stallion had the same energy, because she's right. Dr Elby's looking. No, no, no, I didn't say that. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Elby the Elf, that's exactly what you said, but she got them together. She's like. What you're not going to do is play in my face and I'm going to prove.

Speaker 1:

I have been with this hideous man and this weird family for umpteen years. I know when I'm being followed and I on God, you better believe I'm going to tell you who's following me. As disappointed as I was in Dr LV, sue Ellen does not let that shake her. I just want to say this is a man who has watched her evolve through some riff raffery. She was like I wasn't drunk, I didn't kill JR. That was the truth. They pulled me over and called me a drunk. That wasn't true. That was true. I think somebody has set me up that was true For him to be like you have a lot of fantasies, homeboy. Don't do that. I will slap that scar right off your cheek, don't play in my face.

Speaker 1:

So, Sue Ellen, as of resources is like, guess what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna have somebody reverse follow me. So if there's a weirdo following me, I'm gonna have a weirdo following him. It is double weirdness and that's what she does. She minds her business, she makes up some some fake things.

Speaker 1:

She goes to her PI who allegedly believed in her I don't remember this man, but allegedly he believed in her and they decide to map out her day and put an extra man on her. So when they see the man is following her. There's a man following him. They're able to snatch him up, pull him into the office. She's like you better tell me what the heck's going on. He's like I don't know, I am paid anonymously. I just I'm supposed to follow you every day and then I pick up my business and my information from this post office box in Denton or somewhere, one of the surrounding areas. Forgive me, I am a native Texan. There's so many little cities around the DFW area Imagine, 1980 is not that many he needs to pick up something in Fort Worth, basically.

Speaker 1:

So, sue Ellen, after this information is dropped, she manages to show up at the excuse me the post office and she's casually pretending to write out a letter because it's very clear that the guy following her is paid by someone else. So there's a guy who's supposed to follow her, drop information in a PO box. Someone else picks up the information from the PO box and takes it to whomever is actually following her. Now they bring up her whole. She was bailed out anonymously and I had kind of forgotten about that. That's the thing with these soap operas that I love. There's just little details sprinkled all the time. This was a non-factor, because she's been out of jail. She's been living with JR. It's been 16, 15 episodes since that happened, so why would I even think about it? So she shows up to the post office. She is pretending to write a letter. She sees someone pick up the box blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's irrelevant. Then she follows him. She follows him to a mansion and she sees that this guy drops off a manila envelope filled with all the things she's done for the day to a limousine window and the windows roll down. She sees who's in it and she's like oh my God, who is that? It's almost like she knows who it is, but we as the audience, we don't really know.

Speaker 1:

This is the midseason, three quarters through the season. Cliffhanger Yowza. Ladies and gentlemen, would we call this a lose-lose situation? Is this the cost of doing business or is this one of those no good deed goes unpunished thing? But it is what it is.

Speaker 1:

By the end of this episode of Dallas, every character that we've talked about deeply is knee deep in a classic case of some form of buyer's remorse. I should have gone and did what I wanted to do versus the right thing, except in JR's. So Pam tries to rekindle things with her husband, deciding that Alex is not the guy she should chase, only to have Bobby take yet another job proving her point further. Jr stages a full coup in a totally different country, manages to weasel his way at least into an audience for King of the Hill one more time, only to have the woman he's trying to seduce fully be recording him. She's going to use that to her advantage very, very soon. We know this.

Speaker 1:

And then good old Sue Ellen, who's like you know what? I've been played 50, 11 times. I feel like any woman who's had her husband cheat on her with her little sister and produce a child. That's free range. She's trying to live her life only to be stalked by somebody that she probably knows. Is there no mercy? Forget cheating in peace. Now she's stuck in a real live version of unsolved mysteries. That guy used to creep me the hell out. It's a tangled mess of guilt, thwarted plans, consciousness and total lack of discretion, and honestly reminds me of my own nacho escapade.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes all you want to do is do your dirt in peace. Whether it's a plate of gloriously filthy stadium nachos or a questionable romantic entanglement, there's something sacred about carving out a little corner of chaos for yourself, but life has a funny way of stepping in, be it a surprise dinner date, a hidden recorder, a shadowy figure who apparently doesn't know boundaries, or anything else you hadn't thought of. Here's the thing, though Just like the characters in Dallas, you have to roll with it. That is, life Plans fall apart, chaos gets derailed and occasionally, your dirt gets aired out for everyone to see. Maybe the lesson is this If you're going to indulge in some filth whether it be neon nacho cheese or messy life choices, or messy life choices make peace with the unexpected or, better yet, embrace the unexpected. After all, where would the drama of life or vintage primetime soaps be without a few unexpected twists? That's it. That's all for this episode. Enjoy your secret indulgence in peace, mind your business, stay hydrated, stay moisturized and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, bye.