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S3 EP6 Knots Landing : One Of A Kind - The " Mr. Most Likely To...." Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 268

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Welcome Back Soap Fiends!

Christmas brings unexpected reunions and painful revelations to Knots Landing when Karen's first love Teddy suddenly reappears in her life. Just three months after Sid's death, Karen finds herself navigating complicated emotions as the charismatic Teddy charms everyone in the cul-de-sac—particularly her teenage daughter Diana. What begins as a friendly reconnection quickly unravels into something far more complex when Teddy reveals his long-held belief that Diana might actually be his biological daughter. The holiday spirit takes a dramatic turn as Karen must confront a paternity question she never imagined, diving into family albums and memories to determine the truth. When she discovers a Victorian-era photograph of Sid's great-grandmother bearing Diana's exact likeness, Karen faces a moral dilemma: should she share this definitive proof with Teddy, or allow him this comforting possibility during his own family crisis? The revelation that Teddy's children have asked him to sign away his parental rights for their stepfather to adopt them adds poignant complexity to his desperate need for connection. Meanwhile, Valene experiences her own emotional Christmas turbulence when her mother Lily Mae crafts a patchwork quilt as a gift, unaware it triggers Valene's deepest childhood trauma—when her mother abandoned her after her father's death, sending a store-bought quilt instead of coming to retrieve her as promised. Gary's awkward silence knowing both women's perspectives highlights his characteristic conflict avoidance. Across the cul-de-sac, Laura faces a different type of choice when she receives two Christmas cars—one sentimental gift from husband Richard and another practical Mercedes from her boss Scooter, with whom she recently shared a passionate kiss .What makes this episode quintessential vintage primetime drama is how it masterfully intertwines these emotional storylines against the backdrop of holiday festivities, forcing characters to confront uncomfortable truths while maintaining festive appearances. Has Teddy truly returned just for friendship, or is he searching for a family connection he desperately needs? Share your thoughts on which character faced the most difficult Christmas dilemma in the comments below!

Speaker 1:

and she goes. I effing hate quilts and he gulps. And because his clothes are so tight, we can see that lump go all the way down to the. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to soap floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and og diehard fans of the golden age of prime time. I'm your host, jeb you and you're reviewing the soapiest sudziest prime time star lines of 1981. So, whether you're new, the so Be, it's Sudziest Primetime Starline of 1981. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, get back and enjoy it till it's time to play outside our sight. So bathe, no questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot, cool, quiet or kicked out are your only options, because we are watching our story. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lore. Hello, gorgeous Miss me. Welcome back to another fun little edition of so Poor.

Speaker 1:

I am absolutely beside myself because guess what I did? I watched two episodes of my vintage primetime realness and I don't know what I should do in between. I think this is what we're going to do. I watched Dallas and I watched Not Slanding. I think we're going to do Not Slanding first, because I like to break it up. God knows where that's going to take me. They killed the main character last time. I sat and watched for real, for real. So I have my hesitations, but I have a really good feeling about this. I watched that and I watched Dallas, and Dallas was so good that I thought I needed to break it up, because I cried a little bit on the last episode because of my girl, sue Ellen. It is what it is. I'm not going to hide my feelings. This is who I am, this is how I feel, and we are back in the trenches, if you will. So go ahead and grab yourself something bubbly and bright, something cool, calm, collected, because you're going to need it as we venture into this 1981 gem, the part of people I know.

Speaker 1:

I told you that I like to break up the seriousness of some of the other soap operas with a little bit of Dynasty, because Dynasty is Kim. This has been a slow burn. I realized it hadn't been until about season four that this is really a thing we're like. Oh my God, they're giving us the lines. They're giving us the lines. They're giving us everything I really want. I am cackling, I'm laughing. It is a joyful experience when I watch Dynasty.

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However, today Dynasty is not on the menu. We are watching episodes of Dallas and we're watching episodes of Noslany. There was something about the previous episode of Dallas where Sue Ellen discovered that Dusty wasn't Dust, he was a real, breathing person. I'm just not buying. This baby has crawled over these imaginary mountains and state his claim in life. But I'm like, okay, I'll accept it only if I can see what's happening on the west coast because, as luck would have it, I feel like I'm not very far off with Knots Landing and Dallas. They seem to be about in the same realm and I wanted to see what Pinhead Gary and his super, super, extra medium outfits were doing on the west coast. This is season three, episode six of Knots Landing, called One of a Kind.

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I'm quickly discovering I have a lot of favorites when it comes to TV. As a kid who got to sneak and watch TV and then pretty openly watch it and watch with old people, watch with young people, there are a few things just kind of tickle my fancy and I didn't realize it at this time. Number whatever, let's say three is a Christmas in July special. Or if they'd air a Christmas special in the middle of the summer. I think I can akin that to growing up in the desert, where we didn't always have a cold December. I feel like the older I get, the different. That's changed a little bit.

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But as a kid in Texas you just never know Like you get. Cold spells is what we would call them. So let's say you wake up in October it might be 20 degrees that morning and 90 that afternoon, so you never really get the feel of a winter day or a fall day. Fall is a concept in Texas. Fall is when you measure football season pretty much, but around December, I can admit, it starts to get cold For real, for real more consistently.

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So when I started watching this episode of Nance Landing and it is Christmas and it is sunny outside and they're going over the top of the decorations I fully understand that. If you're a Californian, if you live in Arizona, nevada, utah, I understand there's parts of Utah and Nevada and different parts of New Mexico, different parts of the Southwest. If you are at a high enough elevation, you get to experience snow, capped mountains in a real winter, while the rest of us are just like, okay, we kind of we know what it is, we don't know like that. Reference the snowpocalypse of 2021,. Baby, we were struggling. I know my Canadian brothers and sisters were struggling with that summer. We wanted to switch with y'all so badly, but you can only do so much. That's neither here nor there.

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This episode opens with lots of Christmas decorations and one of the things I'm noticing is that Richard is still on his I'm the good guy campaign. He's over at Karen's. He's being that good guy. It has been three months approximately since the demise of Sid. By the way, if you were watching this for the first or listening to this for the first time, I'm so happy to have you.

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But maybe this is not the episode to start on, because I'm going to speak freely. I try not to spoil the entire episode. When I give a title, I like to kind of change it a little bit, but don't do this one. Go back a few more or text me and I'll tell you which one to start on. Okay, so on this episode, richard is over at Karen's and he's just being a good guy. You can tell he just wants to make sure she is. She's solid. There's not a man in the house and she's doing fine. Of course, she would be right. This is soap opera land. You don't mourn any longer than you need to. Falcon Crest really don't give a damn. You die at the first three minutes. They stop talking about you by the last 50 minutes. But on this episode we see him chatter, chatter, chittering with her making one of those sort of popcorn wreaths.

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Now, this is beyond my realm of understanding. Outside of a Charlie Brown Christmas special, I didn't realize that was a real thing. I used to read Little House on the Prairie books and I recall a special book where it was Christmas and this guy had come from like the east coast and he wouldn't shut up about popcorn. I don't remember if they made garland out of it or not, but it reminded me of pre-k, before I really knew what school was about. I was so pumped to get into school because I was a nerd, I could already read and I was really excited to get over there. And you know, as the seasons go by, on Thanksgiving they make us dress up and by Christmas they're making us make these, these. In my mind it was a necklace, it might have been a wreath, y'all they, they put fruit loops on yarn. What was I gonna do? What I'm gonna say? No, obviously me and all of my class ate the dry fruit loops and chased it with chocolate milk at lunch, because that's what kids do.

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But it was refreshing to see Richard was willing to do sort of a daunting, sort of tedious task just to keep up with Karen and she she lets him know baby boy. I appreciate this. But the big thing is she gets a call and when she picks up the phone it's her first boyfriend, not just her first boyfriend, her first love. And she's all smiling like, oh my god, yes, I'll totally meet you, it'll be perfect. And Richard's watching like a little old lady, like a vieja. What are you talking about? Oh, you're going to meet him. That's your boo, that's your boo-boo. She's like listen, I've only been with two men my whole life. This was my first love. He's not just my first boyfriend, he's my first love. He's going to talk with me. Do you think it's too soon? Richard's like no, do what you got to do. He also mentions, very casually, that Laura is kind of doing the same thing he's doing.

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She is keeping Scooter, her boss, who's recently been left by his wife, who left him for a much younger man. They're over at his house, at Richard's house decorating their tree. Now, one of the things I noticed right away. I'm not lazy, I just don't feel like doing it in this moment. I don't think that's the same scooter, because the scooter I remembered was a smoke show. The scooter I remember was a zaddy. The scooter I remember looked like Victor Newman from Young and the Restless, and this man does not know shade. There's only so much room for a mustachioed baddie in daytime television and he is not. But he is more than content to help decorate her tree. But she and and not Victor Newman decide that they're going to wait for Richard to come in and bring the star.

Speaker 1:

But Richard's like. I hate Christmas trees. They always attack me. He is not lying. I can recall one time at work I'm putting a tree together with my homegirl, and when you have to fluff out, of course this is an artificial tree. Let me just say that we're trying to fluff out this nine foot tree and I'm like what the hell is this about? It was terrible. I had scrapes all on my forearms. None of us could use hand sanitizer for a week. Then we had to go home and do our own trees. He's not lying, he's being dramatic. But this is the place and the time to do so on vintage primetime television, I agree.

Speaker 1:

So Richard is on his Good Samaritan, as is Laura. They're just walking their respective good friends through a difficult time. The ex's name is Teddy, and they agree to meet up the following day to go to lunch. And Karen is all smiles. She deserves this right lunch. And Karen is all smiles. She deserves this right listen. There's no time frame on grief. There's no time frame on pain. But I don't see the harm in having a good time, especially around the holidays. So I am all for doing whatever you need to do in your day-to-day life to feel good about it. I was excited to see her moving on. Also, we got to move this story along. We're only on episode six.

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I expect a breakdown or two in the near future, but Teddy shows up and I'll be damned if Teddy ain't charming. I am glued to the screen. I'm hanging on his every word. He is intricate, he is fun, he is funny, he is serious, he is important. He's the kind of person that people flock to in a room. You want to hear Teddy talk. You want to see what he has to say in his approval. Dare I say it is even more important now.

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Karen and he were back in their activist days, so they have a lot of memory. They're trying to walk to lunch in this stucco building, but across the street. Now I was fooled. This is the shows on the millennium. I see these people across the street with picket signs and what I thought they were advertising was a store closing 70% off. You see those and then you go in and everything's still $900. I'm like I'm out. Please don't play in my face like this. I thought I was gonna get a chair and a half and an ottoman for a reasonable price and it's like 14 off. Quit playing in my face. Don't say nothing to me until they're about to put the chains on the door. Okay, that's what I thought it was. No, it was a protest. But these people were mad lazy. I totally understand what he was like. Oh my god, I can't even eat this del taco in peace watching these losers.

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So he goes over, he starts organizing, he, he like chant something, h, no, we won't go. Oh, no, we won't go. Whatever, I can't remember what the whole situation was. He tries to cheer them on, to teach them, to coach them and by the time he gets through all the rebel rousing. Lunch is no longer an option. They have to get a hot dog. Now, mind you, this is just a few days before Christmas.

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So Karen's like okay, well, you know, I can't really meet tomorrow. He's like no, I can't really meet tomorrow. I'm supposed to eat with the governor. She's like dang, he goes. You know what? Don't worry about it. Why don't I go to your house for dinner and then I'll go to the party afterward. It'll be till the wee hours of the morning. People will be pouring themselves in at 4 am. I won't miss much, and your rubber chicken can't be any worse than theirs. I like me some Teddy immediately. So Teddy shows up to Karen's house.

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He's in a penguin suit, except without the jacket. He puts on an apron, he starts filleting the hens and whatnot, and he is so charming that you see that the Farragate slash. What is Abby's last name? Don't F with me, abby's family, they're all enchanted. He is so intoxicating, he is so fun, he is so warm, he is so personable. But the minute Diana walks in, he's like hi, and they kind of freeze frame it and I'm like, oh God, is this what this is going to be? So they have this whole dinner and it is, like I said, you cannot take your eyes off this guy. He is magnetic, he is warm.

Speaker 1:

I personally, as a viewer, I want to hear what he has to say. The kids all want to hear what he has to say. He's good with kids. He's good with um hookery hoish women like abby. He's good with widows who happens to be his first love slash ex, so they're talking, they're chatter, chattering. And he's extra good with Diana, which I'm like oh, I hate this so much. Eventually he's like well, diana, why don't you get dressed and you can go with me to the governor's ball? I think it'd be great exposure and I'm kind of thinking to myself that's really cute, because he's probably seeing Karen in.

Speaker 1:

Diana is what I'm thinking. He's seeing a young Karen, even though they look nothing alike. She probably has her mom. Her mom spunk, because, god knows, sid, he's a corpse now, but he was dead long, long before they killed him on screen. I still want to know, I demand to know, if he hooked up with the, the first woman mechanic ever. So.

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Anyway, karen's like yeah, go for it. Well, abby don't know how to go home. You know what I'm saying. She's not used to responsibility. What have you? She's not good at reading a room and, plus, this is her family. You got to think about that. Abby's kids and her and Karen's family. They're a family family for real. They're leaning on each other extra heavy. It's only been 90 days, so they're in the kitchen putting things together and Abby's like dang, I didn't know Diana was going to get with your man. Karen's like shut up girl, what are you talking about? Abby said wouldn't that be a great story that the daughter bags the mom's old boyfriend.

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Now it is at this point that my senses are heightened. You could say my heckles are up. What are you talking about? Why is this a casual conversation? Diana is clearly 15. Karen is about 37-ish. What are you talking about? Why would a 37-year-old man with a 15-year-old be? That's okay.

Speaker 1:

It's probably a little late for this, but I remember I had a little bit of fan mail I wanted to get to. We'll get to the Lily Mae part, but the Nas Landings fans are out in drones and I am so excited. Someone told me that they actually met Joan Van Ark in person and that she was one of the most refined women they ever met. I'm so sorry I don't remember her name. I'm doing this off of memory at the moment. Let me get to the comments. Someone else agrees with me. I guess they're watching an earlier episode about Diana being a total brat. I still feel like she is. I think I'm only giving her a pass because her dad that's honest to God what I'm doing.

Speaker 1:

Flashback to Knots Landing Karen says it's cool for Diana to go to the governor's ball. Diana has the best time of her life. At some point someone comes up and like, oh my God, is it your daughter? He's like this ain't my daughter, and so it's implied that they believe that's his girlfriend and they just sort of chuckle. Nobody blinks an eye at it. What the heck? Starting to feel very uncomfortable. So the next day Karen has time to sleep on it. Actually, she has time to sleep on it when he drops her off at like four in the morning. So the next day he comes by because he wants to take her to lunch with a couple from Tokyo. He just wants her to be really cultured.

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But as she goes out to the car, karen is a little bit different this season. She's still her, she's still very much her character, but she's got that sort of you. Just she's unf her. She's still very much her character, but she's got that sort of you. Just she's unfadable, she's not really gonna just break down a lot. She's gonna pop off and she needs to, but she's not really breaking out. So she goes and she meets him at the car. She's like I don't think it's a good idea for Diana to go with you. She thought she were your girlfriend. It was a whole thing. I think she might be falling in love with you. That's weird, because isn't she my daughter? Karen gasped and I'm like wait what? Totally did not see that part coming. He is fully convinced that Diana could be his baby girl. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I am a good ton for vintage primetime soaps. What daughter? I wasn't thinking daughter.

Speaker 1:

Before we jump back into Teddy and Karen, we need to talk about the other bit, players now. This is where the rest of the fan mail comes in. Georgia gave me permission to use her name. She feels like Lily Mae's new name should be Lily may. I play you my mixtape because she definitely seems. She goes on to say that lily clay, lily may is the 1981 equivalent of a 2020 soundcloud rapper. I agree, she is delusional. She does not know her own worth. She's waiting to go viral. It's just not going to happen. Another name we got was the country con heiress and more than a few times I got just plain old trouble. So I think this is the OG letting me know. Listen, girl, you need to sit back and relax. Lily Mae is going to bring everything she needs to bring. I'm enjoying her as a con artist, but on this episode I realize that someone else is enjoying her even more Gary, extra medium Ewing. So, like I mentioned before, it is Christmas time and he comes home a little bit early one day.

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Lily Mae is hiding in the shadows just like oh damn, gary, I thought she was Valene. What you doing, lily Mae? Lily Mae is hiding in the shadows. She's like oh damn, gary, I thought you was Valene. What are you doing, lily Mae?

Speaker 1:

Lily Mae is making a patchwork quilt which I think is just so wholesome. It's so down home. I don't know if other countries do this, but I grew up, you know, I grew up around a lot of geriatrics, a lot of old women. I have several patchwork quilts and I made the mistake of putting one in the dryer and it fell to pieces and my great, great grandma had made it. I loved it so much, so warm in the winter at least a Texas winter. But Lily Mae is going on and on with Gary about how much she got a scrap here, scrap here from all the neighbors on the cul-de-sac and I just refuse to believe there was this much throwaway fashion in 1981.

Speaker 1:

Gary watches this and he is just, as you would say, in the country. He's plum, tickled, tickled pink. And I'm like Gary, what is you? What is what's so funny? I don't understand what's so funny, but he finds it literally made totally amusing, which really pisses me off, because it's like violin had no door. Jock, judgy, ellie, cold, sue, ellen, like nobody, you know what. Another day we'll talk about that, Okay, so later on in the episode Valene is shopping for gifts for Olivia and whatever Abby's son's name is, she's looking for gifts for them, specifically Olivia in this like vintage shop.

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Gary's like just buy her. If you bought her a brooch, just buy her a box and let's move on. She don't want to do that. They come across this quilt and he's like hey, what do you think of this? And she goes I effing hate quilts. And he gulps and because his clothes are so tight, we can see that lump go all the way down to the pit of his stomach and he's like you don't like quilts. That's peculiar. He goes no, no, no, not really.

Speaker 1:

So the Christmas my father died so her daddy ain't coming back. That's so disappointing. Christmas my daddy died my mama swore up and down she would come and get me as long as they could get me to this certain place. So let's say, you know she needed to get to Dallas and she's in like Waco, y'all take her up to Dallas, I'll come and get her. So her neighbors, who understand this baby girl is bereft, they put her on whatever they put her on. Think of I like to picture Valene on the Beverly Hillbillies, their car that they built like actual extra, like a bunk bed on. I picture her on that. Don't judge me, because first I had her on the back of a horse and wagon. I'm like that's probably unrealistic for 1960. So she's on this Beverly Hills Billy car and they take her 100 miles away to her Aunt June's. She's waiting in Aunt June's. Her mama don't show up. Her mama ends up sending a store-bought quilt to her baby girl during Christmas, during the bereavement of her father.

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Now, if you did not grow up south of the Mason-Dixon line in the United States of America. You might not be like, okay, that's no big deal, it's a gift, right? Yeah, sure, it's a gift, but it is a cardinal sin if you say you're gonna home make something and you don't trust me. If this was real, people would still be talking about lily made to this day. It is a cardinal sin. It is like bringing a rotisserie chicken to thanksgiving. It is like bringing a kool-aid mixid mix and spawning it off. Well, no, let's not go there. People are very forgiving in the South of a drink. As long as you can put the right moonshine in, it's fine. I know what it is. It is the equivalent of bringing Jiffy cornbread for Thanksgiving. It is the equivalent of bringing Kraft macaroni and cheese the dinosaur shapes To Thanksgiving.

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They going to talk about you forever and ever and ever. You will not be trusted with anything. You can't bring paper plates. You can't bring cups. It is a whole thing.

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And her saying that. I knew exactly what she meant. And I'm like Gary, if you're from Dallas, I am 40 years younger than you, dude you ought to know what that means. You know exactly what that means, but he is tickled pink the whole episode. So he knows that Lily Mae has put together this patchwork quilt. He knows that Balene hates it. But what does he do? Nothing, that's what Gary does. So I suppose he's being the voice of reason this episode. I can go ahead and admit I didn't want to kill him this episode. I'm gonna let it ride because it's Christmas.

Speaker 1:

However, they want to do caroling on the neighborhood and it's like Ginger, kenny and baby Aaron, molly and then the neighborhood children, kids I didn't really recognize. But Lily Mae's like a SoundCloud rapper. I'm not going to miss my shine. Let me jump out there lest someone is recording from Hollywood. So she jumps out there with her little fiddle diddle, diddle thing and she is singing, singing, singing, and Valene is trying her best, and this is my thing.

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Valene has been more than accommodating. Her entire life, I'm sure of it. Through the span of Dallas and Knott's Landing, she's been more than accommodating. So she does it. She's like I don't want to hear this shit. I don't want to go out there and listen to my mama sing with the kids, because it's supposed to be the kids, and Kenny and them are out there because they have a kid.

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But Gary's like well, just think about this If your dad was an old man, when he married a 14-year-old girl, knocked her up and then a real little girl came and I said pause, gary, pause, 14 is still a little girl, but we're not going to go there. I'm not, I can't judge you for what you did back in the past, but I'm totally judging him. He's like you know she just she was looking for attention. That's what she's been doing this whole time, unfortunately. Never mind the fact that valine was left with a corpse, never mind the fact that valine was waiting for her mama while her mama without chasing dreams, never mind the fact that this woman has come in and out of her life willy-nilly and she's had to maintain a sense of steadfastness. But of course gary wouldn't understand that, would he? Because she does the same thing for him.

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Valine decides to be the bigger person, much to my chagrin, and lily may does present her with this rag, this, this, I'm not gonna say raggedy with this hand sewn allegedly quilts and something in valine sweet vidalia heart just says okay, mama, I have it. Vidalia's heart is a blooming onion from outback, which is fantastic idea. I wish more people did that. She, she, she lets her have it. Vidalia's heart is a blooming onion from Outback, which is a fantastic idea. I wish more people did that. She lets her have it. I love this mama. This is the best gift. And I guess in Valene's mind she's like okay, you finally made good on something you promised me. So I'm just going to sop it up. Sop it up like a buttery biscuit and syrup, because I need love and God knows I ain't really going to get it nowhere else. I might as well just focus on you Now. Normally I'd leave a little something out, but I'm not going to this episode because it was just too damn good.

Speaker 1:

So you remember Laura? Let's run the facts on Laura. Laura was a housewife. Her husband starts banging Abby. He bangs Sid's ex-wife. He's skeezy, sleazy and slimy all around, but she's okay with that. She decides you know what? I'm going to get a job at a lingerie shop and help pay off our mortgage. But only she stumbles into like a real estate company and turns out she's really good at it. She could be if it was 2025, she'd be on Selling Sunset. She's that good. So she's really good at it. She could be if it was 2025. She'd be on selling sunset. She's that good. So she's been helping her boss, who is more of a mentor.

Speaker 1:

It's very clear that he saw something in her. I choose to believe there was no deviance here. It wasn't that he was hitting on her, he just saw the potential. And she's so good. She's a natural. The kids are whiz, so they develop a friendship as, as happens, dance would have it because he's a natural. The kid's a whiz, so they develop a friendship as happens.

Speaker 1:

Dance would have it because he's such a workaholic and a chronic cheater. His wife says you know what F it? I'm going to take my 47, but I look 97 year old self and I'm going to hook up with this 28 year old. 20 year old has to look 60. If she looks 90, he definitely looks 60. They move off into the sunset together.

Speaker 1:

In my mind they buy a house with the money that she has quietly squirreled away during her marriage. But Scooter is just devastated because, damn it, I can cheat on you 90 times. How dare you cheat on me one time? Not just cheat, you cheat and leave, which isn't really cheating, because you're not continuing together. That's a rather intelligent form of that argument. We won't go there today. So he's been spending more time with Laura. And that's okay with Laura, because they both admitted that they would love to have an affair. But the friendship is far too valuable. So this episode, it just slips.

Speaker 1:

Scooter is so pleased that Laura doesn't have an automobile of her own. He offers to pick her up and take her anywhere she wants to go. And Scooter is so pleased that Laura doesn't have an automobile of her own. He offers to pick her up and take her anywhere she wants to go, which is probably grocery store, work, school, home. That's probably it. And he does just that. And one morning they share a passionate kiss in the car. Now, my girl did not look upset by that kiss. She definitely didn't tell her husband. But what could he say? You have been boning Abby. Abby's still coming over here asking you for legal advice. So if she dibble dabbles in a little scooter router, who are you to say anything? So Christmas Day comes and perhaps I'm easily awed.

Speaker 1:

But she wakes up and there is a ribbon. If you go to Hobby Lobby or to Michael's and you know you buy ribbon, ribbons, mad expensive. This is probably at least two and a half inches wide and it's across her lap. There's, I think there's a note, I can't remember, it doesn't matter. She wakes up and she follows the ribbon all the way down the stairs, all the way past the tree, all the way down the stairs, all the way past the tree, all the way under the front door down the breezeway to the driveway where the ribbon finally attaches to a bow. Y'all know my Roman Empire is cost of living of a go. Oh my God, I don't even want to go there. It's easily 300 bucks, easily, if not more, probably more, probably like five, 600 bucks, of this good silk ribbon it is. It's draped perfectly, I can't stress that enough. There's no bumps, there's no nothing. It is beautiful.

Speaker 1:

So when she gets outside it's, it's like, um, I think it's a Monte Carlo. I had never seen like an 81 Monte Carlo, but I think that's what it is. It's like a powder blue Chevy or Buick. I don't know what the Buick version of that is, but it's a coupe. It's light blue. She's like oh my god, richard and Jason are outside and he's like let's take your first man. So they get. And mind you, mind you, there's still a ribbon on a car that goes horizontally and um, across the doors. So there's tons and tons of ribbon. They all get in and they take a little, take it around the corner for a little spin. Of course the the unnecessary ribbon drapes off when they get back. Right as they get back, why does they get back?

Speaker 1:

Sadly, scooter pulls up and a Mercedes looks like Ewing number three and he's like, hey, merry Christmas. Now here's the thing. Laura wakes up in a pink negligee. By the time she hits the door she's in a blue robe. We'll let that be what it is. That's the editor's fault. It is what it is. Be what it is. That's the editor's fault. It is what it is.

Speaker 1:

But when Scooter shows up with a Mercedes, richard is like, yeah, keep it. Laura feels weird. No, I don't want to do this. This is weird and I'm sorry. I don't want to do this and I want to do this. Scooter apologizes to Richard by saying listen, I'm so sorry I did this, but I do this for all of my top sellers. Your wife has sold over five million dollars worth of houses.

Speaker 1:

She was going to get this car one way or another. I just thought Christmas would work. I didn't realize you had something planned. I just want her to get around now. I thought when she talked about not having a car while Scooter was giving her ride to work. I thought that's really useless, considering Sid is your next door neighbor, or was, but Gary's still there. Why wouldn't you just hit them up and be like, can I get get a loaner? You know she could have got it, but it doesn't matter. This is a much more dramatic storyline. So by episodes in Richard's like listen, if you don't keep it, I'm always going to walk out and see the blue car and think about the other car you could have had. My thoughts are why can't she have both? Maybe that was taboo in 1981. But in the year of our lord 2025, girl, yeah, especially if you've had a hoopty that broke down, you need options. Now she has a weekend card. Okay, let's bring it all home.

Speaker 1:

Teddy shows up a couple more times. On one time he shows up to laura and richard's christmas party. He brings a fantastic gift, so everybody likes him. He then tells Diana hey, could you give me a drink? The whole little joke is we don't know if the eggnog is spiked, but he's like just make mine, just like yours. He says, karen, have you had a moment to think about what we talked about the other day? She's like I need a little more time, but the tea is.

Speaker 1:

He actually came over on Christmas Day and the story he told was very devastating. So at the beginning of the episode he explained he didn't realize that Sid was dead, karen did not realize that he was divorced, so they kind of revealed this to each other as they're walking arm in arm. Before they had to coach the protesters, he explained he and his wife have been separated for about six years. He sees his kids summers. You know the usual summers holidays, birthdays, that sort of thing. He gets them some weekends, it's like that.

Speaker 1:

On Christmas, though, he's a little more open and he explains that that had been going on for a little while. His kids are like 11 and they're very little, they're under 13. They're over eight under 13. And he picks them up at LaGuardia airport and his kids are like let's just make a clean break, dad. Uh, our stepdad wants to adopt us. We think we should just make a clean break and I'm thinking what's a clean? What are you talking about? So he's like he asked them to elaborate and they say that if the stepdad wants to adopt them, they don't really like traveling like this. Just sign over your rights so that he will adopt us.

Speaker 1:

Now I'm immediately pissed. I'm in my 2025 Karen era. Excuse me, those are children. First off, their mother is a cow word Heavy on the cow. How are you going to put these babies up to this? You let the babies tell them. Why didn't y'all call them before we paid money for these tickets? It ain't about the money, that's irrelevant.

Speaker 1:

There is an anticipation, there is a hope. He has planned out things to do with his children. He has been anticipating this and you let the kids be like yo. Just count our stepdad adoptors. Hell, no, he can't adopt you matter fact. Now I'm going for joint custody because why? He's not abusive. He's not a drunkard, he's busy. Kids are going to be fine with busy parents. We all adapt.

Speaker 1:

Think about it If you were an elder millennial like myself Gen X, we were fine. We lived alone so many times. Yes, I have imaginary conversations all the time, but you know what it makes me an articulate speaker. I was just gobsmacked and Karen had found evidence. She was in her feelings a little bit when he was like, well, couldn't it be mine, because the tea is that Karen had been with him all this time. Right, she only got with Sid, who was about seven, eight years older, to make Teddy jealous. She only got with Sid, who was about seven, eight years older, to make Teddy jealous, and they had a rekindling of sort, an entanglement, if you will, after she had gotten with Sid and next thing you know she has a baby. So he's in the back of his mind, always thought okay, this is my baby. And now she's like well, damn, I mean no, she sleeps on it.

Speaker 1:

She wakes up and she's like no, if that was a possibility, I would have hit you up a long time ago. That's not a possibility. So she starts flipping through all the paperwork because all he says is just look at the dates. That's all I'm saying. So she looks at all the dates and she didn't get anything there. But she looks in a family album. She sees a photo and she's like ha, here's your proof. So she was going to go downstairs and rub it in his face. But then she hears him telling that story and she's like damn, that's literally the worst thing ever that could happen. Worse than my husband dying is my kids saying I don't want you to be my parent anymore. It sucks. So eventually they have a one-on-one and she's like. He's like just tell me it's a possibility and she does.

Speaker 1:

This is an awkward situation, but I don't know. This is your personal morals. I don't think there's any harm because I believe he knows she's not, but it gives him something to hold on to. This is a man that she has trusted. This is a man who, by all intents and purposes, seems like a good person. If he wants to believe that, yeah, okay, a possibility, you can do that in 1981. Can't really do that after probably 2001. You really care?

Speaker 1:

So by the end of the episode, karen is very honest. She and Diana are in her bedroom. They're chatter, chatter, chittering and Diana's like yeah, this Christmas was better than I thought. Yes, no, I understand what you mean. And then she opens this photo album and it's one of those pictures I feel like went crazy late 90s, early 2000s where you dress up like a western sharpshooter or something. It's a Victorian picture of a woman who looks identical and I mean spitting image, because it's her Of Diana in this glorious feathered hat. It is very much a gilded age, very much I'm wealthy, but I don't want to tell anybody. They see it and this is Sid's great grandmother. So Karen's like okay, I don't really need DNA. You look exactly like this woman. Wouldn't happen if Teddy was your dad. Fantastic episode. That's an interesting dilemma though, right Like.

Speaker 1:

I've watched so many daytime talk shows about paternity tests, but you never really hear about the paternity test people don't want to have because they kind of already know the truth. So do you guys think that's wrong? Is it wrong to withhold that information? Or does she do the guy a solid? After all, he was giving them something, she was giving them something. Sometimes relationships are transactional and Teddy is a stand-up guy. All right, that's it. That's all for this episode of Soap. Lord, I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have, because we are going to jump right into Dallas, which I thoroughly enjoyed, probably for all the wrong reasons. In the meantime. In between time, girl, do a DNA test immediately immediately after conception or after the baby's born. Do it quietly, do it quickly lest you be embarrassed 15 to 16 years later. The stutter step is embarrassing enough. The fact that you thought it could have been it was embarrassing enough. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, bye.