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S3 Ep7 Knots Landing: Secrets-The " A" in Audacity" Episode

• Episode 270

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Welcome back Soap Fiends!!

Audacity takes center stage in this riveting dive into Knott's Landing Season 3, Episode 7, "Secrets." Family ties are tested as Karen finds herself in the uncomfortable position of needing her sister-in-law Abby's help with the books at Knott's Landing Motors before an IRS audit. What follows is a masterclass in leverage as Abby—still bitter about being fired—orders the most luxurious meal imaginable on Karen's dime while making her practically beg for assistance.

The power play between these two women brilliantly showcases the complex dynamics of family relationships, particularly between siblings (or siblings-in-law). As we discuss in the episode, there's something uniquely satisfying about holding power over an older sibling who has previously held authority—a universal experience that transcends the soap opera world and resonates with our own family stories.

Meanwhile, Richard Avery finds himself caught between professional aspirations and his boss's expectations that he'll arrange "entertainment" for visiting Japanese businessmen. This uncomfortable position forces Richard to reckon with his values while trying to advance his career. When circumstances lead to an unexpected overnight stay away from home, his marriage to Laura faces new challenges as both spouses harbor secrets and suspicions about each other's activities.

The episode perfectly captures how people wield influence through manipulation, deception, and pure, unfiltered audacity. From Abby's expensive dinner demands to Scooter's ex-wife showing up just to antagonize him, nearly every character demonstrates remarkable boldness in pursuing their desires—often at others' expense.

Join us for this examination of relationship power dynamics and the secrets we keep from those closest to us. Have thoughts on our Soap Lore Beauty Pageant for Dudes challenge? Text or email your nominations for who should compete from Dallas, Dynasty, Falcon Crest, and Knott's Landing!

Soaplorepodcast@gmail.com

Speaker 1:

Lobster, steak, scrimps, champagne, moët. She had the top. She was like, hey, top shelf everything aged beef, bring it here. Whatever you got, put it in the back. Give me the best, give me the finest, give me all you got.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soap Lore, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet, viewing and reviewing the soapiest, suzziest primetime storylines of 1981. We are back on the West Coast, always doing the absolute most. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids to play outside or outside, tell babe. No questions, suggestions or concerns. For the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in the air shop, cool, liar or kicked out, are your only options, because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lore. Hello, gorgeous, welcome or welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Soap Lore. I hope your day is shaping up well. I think it's about to get even better. We have a fun-filled episode today, definitely not going to complain now that we're here, now that we're together, let's jump into some Knott's Landing.

Speaker 1:

Knott's Landing week is always kind of my favorite. I love burning through a few episodes at a time because I still don't really know what I'm going to get. It's one of the shows that I'm not being. I can't really predict a lot on it, and that's kind of what I wanted. So before we jump in, we have a couple of pieces of fan mails, a little something to get the wheels burning burning, oh my god, wheels rolling and then we're going to jump into an episode called Secrets. Now, when I heard this, I'm like, uh, didn't I already do something like this before? Yeah, it was an episode of Dallas called Secrets. But then I started to think to myself Secrets is one of those words I can't imagine. Any television show, whether it's funny or serious, is not going to have an episode with the word secret not pushed into it. Is it low-hanging fruit? Maybe, maybe not. This episode definitely has secrets, but didn't all of them. That's neither here nor there. Go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright, sit back and let's get into season three, episode seven of Knott's Landing Secrets. Okay, I misspoke. What I meant to say is that if you're on a series, whether it's funny, whether it's mysterious, whatever, there's bound to be an episode called secrets. If the show runs long enough, it's not that unusual of a word. Um, mystery is another one I can think of. Neither here nor there. Let's jump into some fan mail. Let me look at my handy dandy notes here. Let's see. I received this one in. The email says hi j, hi, jet. My name is Sadie.

Speaker 1:

I grew up with an undeniable crush on Lorenzo Llamas. He was truly the epitome of cool. Back then I stumbled across your podcast after discovering that Falcon Cross was available on Amazon and I have to say I'm hooked. Your deep dives into vintage primetime soaps have brought back so many memories. I was such a fan of Lorenzo's early work and I even had the chance to meet him at a promotional event in the early 90s. It was everything I dreamed of and more A true highlight of my life.

Speaker 1:

While I loved his time on Falcon Crest, I'll admit I didn't fully get to enjoy it as a teenager since we didn't have a VCR. Oh, the struggle of the pre-streaming era. I want to give you major props for the Body Rock episode. I hadn't seen the movie since before the year 2000 and re-watching it after listening to your breakdown brought me so much joy. Lorenzo really brought his charm to every project that he worked on and I'll forever be a fan. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, sadie.

Speaker 1:

I gotta admit I really did too. I fully expected to just be cringing the entire time, hating on their outfits and you know what. That's exactly how the movie started, but by the I'd say, about midway through I was fully invested in the story and I just I love that. I got to experience that story. In particular, of course, I've seen Break into Electric Boogaloo and I was a a huge fan. But I was a little bitty kid when I first saw that and I had a crush on the guy. So you know, seeing it as an adult and being just like this was a great film. I won't go that far. I won't say it's a great film, but I enjoyed it. I had a good time, no different than watching something like Step Up or you Got Served. We're not watching it for the acting, but you know what I enjoyed every single person in it, and this movie was no exception.

Speaker 1:

I especially love the singing. I didn't know that was a thing. Oh, at least once a week I'm like I want to stuff you like an animal. I forgot the real words now. Stuff you like an animal is the only thing stuck in my head. But thank you, sadie, and I'm really happy to hear that Lorenzo was cool in person. I can't say that I'm surprised. He seems very mellow, very chill, and I remember him on that show.

Speaker 1:

You think you're hot, hottest in America, whatever it was. Y'all remember early 2000s when all of the contest shows and all of the reality shows were really really popping off. This one was like who's the hottest person in America? And he was a judge on the panel and I distinctly remember thinking I don't think I recognize who he was, I didn't recognize that, I was looking at Renegade, but I remember thinking he's probably the only really hot person on the panel and I don't recall him being ugly to anybody. He was ugly as in his attitude he was very nice as far as I remember. So I'm glad to hear that this next message really got my wheels turning. That's what I meant to say earlier wheels burning. I guess I was thinking of Tina Turner, but I need you guys to put on your thinking caps for this.

Speaker 1:

This one is a challenge. Hey, jet, I'm Marissa, a millennial who got curious about the original Dallas after watching the reboot a few years ago and wow, what a rabbit hole I've fallen into. Reboot a few years ago and wow, what a rabbit hole I've fallen into. Like you, I have vague memories of these shows from my childhood, but as the scandalous shows came on, I was swiftly scent packing most of my viewing of any adult television adults and quotations, but I'm assuming she means just, you know, grown folks tv consisted of me lying on my stomach in the bedroom floor. Lying on my stomach on the bedroom floor. Lying on my stomach on the bedroom floor, ear pressed to the door, trying to catch some tea. Anyway, I discovered your act, your podcast, purely by accident while looking for something to entertain me on a road trip. What a lucky find. I enjoy your takes on the drama. The wild twist and your reluctance to admit that Gary Ewing is absolutely gorgeous always keeps me laughing. Instead of props, I'm sending you a challenge.

Speaker 1:

I recently attended a wedding weekend where they hosted a combined bachelor and bachelorette party. The women had a flag football tournament, while the guys shredded their stuff in a full-fledged beauty pageant tournament. While the guys shredded their stuff in a full-fledged beauty pageant. Yes, you read that right. It got me thinking, since Sue Ellen is a former Miss Texas and Val is a Vidalia Onion Queen. She certainly is. I appreciate that, marissa.

Speaker 1:

Who would you nominate for Soap Lore? Beauty Pageant for Dudes Categories would include Most Conggenial, most beautiful, most devious and Mr Soapy Sudsy, aka the soap opera king. Here's a catch you can only pick three contestants from each soap. Okay, who's making the cut from Falcon Crest, dallas Dynasty and Knott's Landing? More importantly, who takes the crown in each category? Can't wait to hear your thoughts. With love, marissa.

Speaker 1:

Oh, from Grapevine. I've been to Grapevine. That is a great city. Grapevine is a suburb of Dallas. I'm surprised you hadn't watched it earlier then. I really do think it is just kind of a generational thing. We were just on the cusp of other stuff and then, you know, the 90s had all the 90210s and the OCs and all kinds of stuff. So yeah, dallas wasn't on my radar like that for a very long time. I do remember when the reboot came out, though I got curious. I just never did anything about it then. But, miss Marissa, I love where your head is. I had a couple of days to think about this and, okay, this is what I've gotten so far.

Speaker 1:

So Marissa says you can only pick three from each soap opera. Three dudes, first off. Why don't we have dude pageants? I haven't seen one before. If there is one, someone let me know. I think that is fascinating. That'd be so much fun. So let's start with the obvious. We're going to go to Knott's Landing. Let the record reflect.

Speaker 1:

I never said Gary wasn't hot. However, record reflect. I never said Gary wasn't hot. However, he gets on my nerves. There's something he does with his face, the way he twists it up. I can't stand his little pouty attitude sometimes and just I don't know. He does a lot of dancing with his eyebrows like Lance Bass. No shade to Lance, but they do a lot of. It's a lot going on and I think sometimes when you couple that with with, like, the pruning of the lips, it just it gets on my nerves. Didn't say it wasn't hot.

Speaker 1:

And with that being said, I have Gary and Kenny on the board. First and foremost because you know Gary, he has the opportunity to wear some itty bitty blue baby shorts. Y'all know he loves to paint it on anything. He's going to be fine, fine, he's going to make sure he's serving body. So I think there's a really good chance for him to win a category because of that. But Kenny is also gorgeous. We can't deny that Kenny looks like one of those Jenners. Ain't? No way you can have a beauty pageant for men and not put Kenny and his luscious head of hair in there. It's impossible. This is where it got a little bit sticky. I want to be respectful. Hair in there it's impossible. This is where it got a little bit sticky. I want to be respectful.

Speaker 1:

I'm not saying Richard's not cute. Richard has all the personality as a pizzazz. He's the person you want to hang out with or watch him get drunk like I'm interested to see what he says. I think I might be catching a little more feels because it's season three. No, I don't have a crush or anything. I'm just saying I like his personality in season three a little more, so I have a softer spot for him.

Speaker 1:

But then I remembered Sid is also in season three and I loved his JCPenney turtleneck catalog era. Ah, what do you do? I was going back and forth between them and I was like you know what? Let's be real, richard. Richard's going to be the emcee. He's gonna crack jokes, he's gonna throw shade at people and that's what we want to hear. But then I remembered Abby's ex Jeff. Uh, he's in there, so it's gonna be Gary Kenny, abby's ex-husband Jeff. I would have put one of her little jump offs, but I couldn't remember their names and they're not really in the show like that. So that's a three for Nas Landy, okay. So I'm looking at Falcon Crest.

Speaker 1:

Obviously, lance right Ain't no way he's not going to be in it. He's fine. Fine, he can compete with Gary with the short shorts categories. Plus, he's always shiny for some reason. We don't know if it's glycerin, if it's baby oil, if it's good old-fashioned sweat or if it's vaseline. I don't know what it is. It could be a combination of something, but he likes to be glistening, he doesn't mind a pair of short shorts and he can kick box. So I'd love to see him in the talent category.

Speaker 1:

The aviator Adonis, chase Giaberti period. I will not hear a word against him. He is the most natural. As far as the hair goes, he might blow it out, he might keep it curly. You know, he's got a pair of shades for every outfit. He's going to unbutton the top few buttons. Let this chesticle show Now. I don't know if that was still in vogue in 1984, but he's doing it. He's doing it well.

Speaker 1:

So he's there and then I'm like okay, I know some people may disagree with me because Cole is probably the most obvious next person, but I can't stand Cole's little attitude. Cole has been topless a lot this season, but his his, oh, I'm so angry. Oh Rumpf, melissa, you have a boyfriend. Oh, rumpf, I don't want Boy if you don't. He reminds me of a child. I just want the point. If you don't, first I'll fix your face, cole. You march yourself right back upstairs. I want you to wash your hands, come down here and eat this breakfast, and I don't want to hear another word. Okay, get some more and sit down. That's how I would treat Cole. You can't be in a beauty pageant, if that's how I look at you. So he's not making it feel how you feel I. What? Oh, oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I said Riedman, but then I just remembered Richards on the show. What was I thinking? Okay, I was picking Rich Riedman, the Nazi guy, because he is vaguely European. He's sort of mysterious, he seems he's very sophisticated and no one knows he's nuts. That's kind of cool. I would love to see what sort of stunts he pulls in a beauty pageant. But Richard, how could I not say Richard.

Speaker 1:

And then, richard's tall, he's wealthy, he gives old man to me, though that's the only reason I kind of stutter stuff when it comes to him, because he carries himself like he's 89 years old and seems like he's done that for a very long time. He, he enjoys, you know, the finer things in life, but he's not necessarily suave. Yes, he owns a racetracks, but and and I forgot the manimal oh, oh, oh. Okay, I'm gonna need to think about Falcon Crush just a little bit more. Dang, totally forgot him. Let's go to Dallas. Let's go to Dallas. Okay, obviously, jr, no questions asked. He's smooth, he's suave.

Speaker 1:

Everything I said about Richard except the old man part, and actually like he's charming, he's, he's um tall, he's fun, he's a good time and I would I would love to hear his answers in a pageant. I just love it. Of course you can't have JR without Bobby. Bobby is a boy scout, he is adorable and I kind of like the idea of all of the Ewan boys up against each other in a pageant. I think Bobby would care the least. But also he, he's in the running for Miss Congeniality, mr Congeniality, because nobody hates Bobby.

Speaker 1:

I thought about throwing Ray in there. Ray hasn't shown any skin this season, but you know he was on that whole terror for a little bit where he was ripping open his shirt and he was baby oil down too. But I get a little bit of the ick because of him and Lucy, just a little bit. And I think we need to pay a little bit more attention to Mitch. After all, lucy came in the house she had a check for $1,000 because she has a gorgeous face card. I would like to give Mitch the opportunity to win some money for his face card, because he's tall, he's good looking, he has 45 different jobs, he's working his fingers to the bone so that his wife didn't have to pick up her own clothes in their 400 square foot apartment. It's a beautiful thing and I would like to see him with a crown. If nothing else, I might throw best hair in here, because he he would be in the runnings for that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, on dynasty, obviously, obviously Jeffery Colby, the denim Don Juan, the Denver doormat. We got to have him in there. Jeff is beautiful and I'd like to see him go face to face with one of the other pretty boys, pretty men. Excuse me, I did have to think about this one a little bit more. Part of me wanted to put Blake in there because he is handsome, he's got the salt and pepper hair, but I feel like he'd be a little bit confused most of the pageant and I also don't want to discriminate I'd like to have a man a little bit older in here mix them in. But then I thought there's no way, especially this season.

Speaker 1:

We're not gonna ignore Dex Dexter. He's got the poise of a ballerina. He's talking trash to everybody, he's seducing people left and right. He owns turquoise mines or something and plus his name is Fawnsworth Dexter, but he goes by Dex Dexter. Come on, now we gotta do it. I like his hairy back, I love it.

Speaker 1:

I want to see him in pageant. Oh my gosh. Okay, I said I. Okay Adam or Stephen. Stephen gives me the same vibe as Cole on Falcon Crash. Now I love Stephen in his new face. But you need to get. Who are you talking to, little boy, get somewhere and sit. Go upstairs, wash your hands, fix your face, get somewhere and sit down. He broods too much and I'm sorry. You can't be broody in a pageant. You have to. You have to mask all that hate and turn it into something else. So he's out. Unfortunately, I say Adam, but then I just remembered that we got Mark. Mark Jennings is fine, fine, plus, he loves a short pair of shorts. He is suave, he don't really say a lot, kind of like Gary, but he's hot.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to need to think about this a little bit more before I have my final three. We will pick this up at another time, but I'd like to hear from you. Leave me a text, send me an email. Who do you think the top three from each soap opera should be? Remember, this is all season. As far as I can tell Marissa, I'm adding something to this. We can go from season four of Falcon Crest, dynasty and Dallas four all the way back. You throw in anybody you want Mott's Landing from season three all the way back. You throw in anybody you want Mott's Landing from season three all the way back. You tell me who should be in the pageant categories are Mr Congeniality, most Talented, most Handsome, most Devious and King of Soaps. I put my own twist on that. Check the show notes. If you want to send a text, it should be the first thing you see. Let me know what you think. I can't wait to hear from you guys. I'm excited this is going to be fun. But let's get to secrets.

Speaker 1:

Part of the challenge in recording this podcast is finding a time of day where people aren't being extra loud. My own children were in the room having having a good time, but they're playing marvel something, marvel enemies, marvel marvel something so they're being super, really animated. And so I moved to a different room and I can hear my neighbors, kids outside, kind of going back and forth with each other over who's supposed to be riding the razor, who's supposed to be holding the dog. It's just. It cracked me up. Either way, I love siblings to this day. We're all adults now, but the sound of my little brother's laugh is one of my favorite sounds ever on earth. I love to get him going, I love to crack him up. On the other hand, I love hearing my sister tell what to her, is a mundane story, but she's hilarious and I'm like cackling the whole time.

Speaker 1:

There's just something so warm and fun between, like, the everyday activities when you have a sibling. Maybe you don't have a sibling, maybe you have a best friend, a close friend, but it's a great feeling, right? That don't get me wrong. There's always going to be sibling rivalry. Sometimes one of your siblings gets a little too big for the britches. You got to put them in their place. Sometimes they try to check you. Sometimes it's a whole thing, but at the end of the day, family is family. However, what happens when the sibling isn't really your sibling, it's your sibling-in-law?

Speaker 1:

This is how we start out this episode of Knott's Landing. Karen is at Knott's Landing Motors going through the books, the books that Abby used to keep. Now Gary's in the office, he's on the phone trying to sell a car to some lady and I suppose this other girl is like a secretary or something. She's popped up a couple times before. I think she's a receptionist secretary, something like that. Gary and Karen are both new to the car dealership business. I have to remember that, so they don't really understand the jargon. Karen's looking over the books and she says Gary, what does T-U mean? And he's like T-U, t-u, uh, tight undershirt. She's like no, I don't think it's tight undershirt, undershirt, a tough under.

Speaker 1:

The little secretary jumps I'm being facetious, guys, I'm not gonna go back and tell you exactly what to say. He didn't really know what it means. Karen can't figure it out. The little secretary girl goes oh, I think that means tune up and they go okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Karen looks down and next line she's she's like okay, gary, what does OC mean? Gary's like oh, that's my girl, vicky Govelson. Oc Like Orange County. That's Vicky Govelson, the OG from OC. She's like wait, shut up. It clearly means like original color or orange car or something like that Secretary jumps in again she says no, no, no, it probably means oil change.

Speaker 1:

Now, okay, you may or may not understand the jargon, you may be new to this, but you would think process of elimination or at least looking at the prices would tell you what something is if abby hadn't doctored the books too much. So this holds on, like why don't they just go ask somebody in the shop or someone else? But it becomes abundantly clear that this is going to take all day and this is a problem because the IRS is on their way. They're going to be there on Monday, so let's say it's like Wednesday or Thursday. Gary's trying to help Karen but he can't really help her. The secretary has to go do secretary tings. So he and Karen are staring at each other and he's like I don't know what it means. But I know a guy, actually I know a girl who probably does. Karen says Gary, don't even start, absolutely not. She is not coming back into this building. And he's like Karen. I mean, I'm saying, you want to struggle all weekend or do you want to know what all this stuff means? She's the one who put it on there. She goes. I'm not asking her, he goes. Well, I will ask her. She go, okay, cool, ask her. But don't tell her that I want you to ask her. He's like that. So he leaves right away.

Speaker 1:

He goes over to Abby's house and she is baking.

Speaker 1:

She looks a lot like me baking girl. We don't know what we're doing. There's flour all over the place. She's halfway reading the directions, cracking unexpensive eggs, making me very jealous. But she offers Gary hey, gary, come on in. You want some coffee? Sure? He takes a cup of coffee and he starts trying to smooth her over. But I mean, can't BS a BSer, right? So he's talking all this.

Speaker 1:

Oh man, it sure would be nice to see you back around Knott's Landing Motors. And she goes mm-hmm, really you want to see me around there, why? Well, the IRS guy's coming. She goes okay, okay, that's why you want to see me. I see, what about Karen? What is Karen saying? Karen's like she misses you too. She wants to see you too. Both of us do so. Abby says oh, if both of y'all want to see me, both of y'all are not here, tell me, if both of y'all miss me so much, to come and tell me to my face that she wants me back. And Karen's way too proud to go over to Abby's house and say that. So she takes her out to a delightful dinner.

Speaker 1:

Now, I wasn't fully paying attention to the meal on the table, because by the time the audience sees them it's towards the end of the meal. So Karen is smiling. That Karen smile and Abby's like okay, girl, what do you really, really, really want? We've talked about everything from positions in the bedroom to space to hair cut. What do you want, girl? What did you really invite me here for? I know you didn't just want to watch me eat this delicious meal. What do you want?

Speaker 1:

Karen's like fine, abby, you did a number on them books, and only you can unnumber those books. So I would like it if you could. You know why don't you stop a number on them, books, and only you can unnumber those books. So I would like it if you could. You know why don't you stop by, go through the books again? Are you giving me my job back? And Karen's kind of hesitating, like I guess Abby said wait, let me ask you something. Let me ask you something, sister. Are you asking me only because the I, r and the S are involved, or are you asking me because you need somebody to do the books and I'm the best for that job?

Speaker 1:

Now, abby here, okay, here we go. This is that thing, this is that sibling thing. Okay, you may not be the, you know you're not the best. You know exactly why you're not working there and it's quiet as kept. I'm not necessarily on anybody's side, but if I was, I'd probably be on Karen's a little bit more. But I see where Abby's coming from. Abby says you know what? Sid's buddy wasn't even in the refrigerator yet before you fired me. Karen's like I did, I did, kids were kidnapped and then I didn't even have a job to go through. And Karen's like okay, now, okay, I see where you're coming from, I get it, but Abby, I didn't even have a job to go through.

Speaker 1:

Now Karen's like okay, now, okay, I see where you're coming from, I get it, but, abby, I can't trust you. What did you want me to do? Why would I trust a bookkeeper? I can't trust Valid points. Everybody's right. The exception to the rule is where we're family, so I should be able to lie and steal from you with no problem. Technically. She didn't steal. Well, she did steal. They just don't know about it yet. So Abby's, you know, she's licking her fingers and that's time, bring some more butter. She's doing all that, not really, but sort of, basically you get the vibe. So she, you know, finishes her last little bit of whatever the meal is and then she's like um, no, I will not, but thanks for the meal.

Speaker 1:

So the next day Karen's at work and her and Gary are at the foot of the stairs gossiping like little old ladies and they're talking trash, talking ish about abby. Karen is telling gary she said, gary, you wouldn't believe this girl ordered lobster steak, scrimps, champagne, moe. She had the top. She was like, hey, top shelf, everything aged beef, bring it here. Whatever you got put in the back, give me the best, give me the finest, give me all you got. She ran up the bill to 165, which I hadn't done the math but I feel like that's probably about 550 to 600 at a restaurant for two people circa 1981. So carrie's like I can't believe this heifer, ate up all my food, took the gold boxes home and still told me no to my face, like I owed her something.

Speaker 1:

But if I'm being honest, I know where Abby is coming from. Listen, if you are a sibling, especially a younger sibling, that you understand that this power, the power of having something over the older sibling, is just there's nothing like it. I don't know. It's just just imagine, if you will, a hypothetical situation. Maybe your older sister wanted to have her boyfriend over when mom and dad weren't at the house. Maybe this was a boyfriend that somebody's mom absolutely couldn't stand, but she wanted to sneak him over, or whatever, during the middle of the day when she was supposed to be babysitting, even after being an absolute drill sergeant about the way the bathroom was clean. Okay, so perhaps said boyfriend shows up.

Speaker 1:

Hypothetically, you could say, hey, yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut, but it's going to cost you. Your older sibling is like what is it going to cost me? You say to them you know what my wardrobe sucks? I'm going to need three blouses and your skort, my skort, yes, your skort. You want me to keep my mouth shut or do you want to enjoy this afternoon and do God knows what? Do you want me to talk about it Hypothetically, oh, but anyway, holding that over them is so powerful. Let's say hypothetically, you do get the three blouses in the sport and you accidentally spill a little big red on and the older sister starts to throw a fit, starts, start to pop off. Then you have to gently remind them that, hey, I will sing like a canary if you don't stop. And then they have to back off. You enjoy the moment. I know where Abby is coming from and you have to enjoy that moment because you know it's fleeting. The IRS is either going to come and say everything is cool or they're not, and then, once that moment has passed, you have nothing else to hold on to. So Abby is really, really basking in this begging behavior.

Speaker 1:

Abby shows up out of the blue and she I'm assuming this is on Monday. So she shows up and she has all these boxes of important business from the business. Why would you fire her and let her keep all of the paperwork? That don't make no sense. Abby goes up to her desk and Karen just you know hippity hopping around hey, is everything fine? Can I make you some coffee? You need anything. You too hot, you want the AC on girl. And Abby's like no, no, no, karen, but if you don't mind could you go downstairs back. Then you didn't want me. Now I'm hot, you all on me begging Benny as in B. Could you go to my car and get that out of the back seat? Karen's like sure thing.

Speaker 1:

She goes downstairs with a smile on her face because she don't want no smoke, because she needs her, brings a box back upstairs. Then Albia was like oh, no, no, no, I didn't say B, I need G. Like guess how many wingdings I put on this book? G as in good luck, g as in gotcha, gotcha, just really being obnoxious. But Carrie can't say anything because she needs her help. So she goes, click clacking, back downstairs, finds Gary so they can talk some more ish. And she's like Gary, do you know? This girl has sent me up and down these stairs 10 times. And he's like don't worry about it, I'll go upstairs and talk to her.

Speaker 1:

I thought he said Lucrezia Borgia and I was like who is that? Who is that? Small little side note, I did a little digging, very little. Borgia kind of rung a bell. I've never been really big on sort of the renaissance and kind of that, so this would have been like 1400s ish, not really up on that history like I could be. She seemed interesting. Seemed like there's more lore around. I'm showing it as Lucrezia Lucrezia, lucrezia, miss Borgia, we'll figure it out. I don't know her name, I'll learn it. But I have a quick for you. Okay, I believe it's Lucrezia Borgia. You may or may not be familiar, I'm not. I'm going to get up, I'm going to learn about her and the lore surrounding her.

Speaker 1:

I want you to check out this book, not sponsored in any way, but it's called it Ended Badly, 13 of the Worst Breakups in History, booked by worst breakups in history but by a woman named Jennifer Wright. I read this probably about 10 years ago. Laugh out loud, funny. So I was just taking sort of context clues about the, her behavior, abby's behavior on the show. He's comparing it to Lucrezia Borgia. But there was a.

Speaker 1:

There was a couple stories within this book that were just so outrageous. One is of this girl. I can't remember who she is. She was full-on pregnant. Like she was just kind of being a terror. Everybody was afraid of her. She was full-on eight, nine months pregnant, she had whoever the authorities were at the time deem her a virgin, basically so she could get a divorce. I never remember she was a complete nightmare. But she stood up there just as bold as everybody, full audacity, like what baby? No, I'm a virgin. Anyway, I digress. Check out that book while I learn a little bit more about Miss Virgin.

Speaker 1:

But back to Miss Cunningham. So the IRS guy comes and he is light work for a woman like Abby. She's like oh, he clearly is a nerd. He doesn't get very much attention, so she pretends to be enamored with him. And when he's like, well, what does OB stand? She's like oil boil or whatever. I didn't think that far ahead. She's able to tell him what all of her little jargon means and his only critique at the end of the day is like you know you pass, but get this girl a bookkeeping course or two, otherwise I think you're going to be fine.

Speaker 1:

So by the episode's end Abby is back upstairs repacking all the boxes she had Karen unpack and she goes oh my gosh, this is such a boring place. I'm so glad I don't work here anymore. It's so lame. I forgot how boring it is. I need to work for a PR firm, something exciting. Maybe I'll get into commercials, maybe I'll do something else, but this is just boring. What she's saying really is like I'm sad and I'm lonely and I wish I had somewhere to go every day. Karen being the older sibling in this case, she hears the subtext and so she says well, abby, why don't you just come hang out here? I know this isn't exciting, but just hang out here until you find something better. And that's how they make up very cutesy, much like a nine-month pregnant woman claiming to be a full-on virgin.

Speaker 1:

Abby has audacity. She has the unmitigated gall to ignore the fact that, yes, she helped doctor the books and like yeah, sis, you owe me something, I'm going to make you pay. You want to take my paycheck? You're going to pay me in takeout. Abby's one of the first people we see on the show, this episode oozing audacity, but she's definitely not the last. Enter the Averys. Now. I wasn't really expecting this, but when I tell you I fully enjoyed this storyline. Oh, and there was a random surprise right in the middle that I wasn't expecting.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so you know how Richard's at the new law firm and things are going pretty well, but his boss is a little bit skeezy and Laura is killing it selling Sunset and her boss isn't really skeezy. They're much closer but there's still something just a little bit off about their workplaces, kind of hard to put your finger on, not so much Laura but his, there's just a little something askew. So Richard enters his boss's office after his boss calls him in and this is the sleazy one. He just has this disgusting like he looks like the Pringles can, kind of he's got this look on his face all the time Richard comes in. He's crunched some numbers, done some digging, whatever lawyers do. He has a plan because they know that these gentlemen from Japan are flying in and they're not just visiting this particular law firm, they're gonna visit about five. So of course you wanna make the best impression.

Speaker 1:

Now Richard has put that whole pimpin' ain't easy episode behind him. He's ready to talk turkey, turkey. He's thinking okay, I did what you needed me to do. Now I need you to listen to me, don't just come to me for hookers and whatnot. So he goes into his boss's office and he has this paper because he's done this research, like hey, I think we can win them over with blah, blah, blah. And his boss is like oh, that's nice. Do you think you could get some more party favors? Richard's like what do you mean? Boss explains well, you know these gentlemen coming in, they're going to see five or four other excuse me law firms. I really want to make a great impression. You think you can do again what you did the other day? He's like well, okay, I guess so, but would you look over my proposal? And the boss is like absolutely sure, here you go, thanks.

Speaker 1:

Rich sends Richard on his way. The boss promptly throws Richard's hard work into the garbage can, in an unlined garbage can. Can you even imagine? People probably didn't eat in their offices in 1981.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, because Richard has agreed to be a pimp one more time, he has to disappoint his wife, laura, who has spent all morning, one morning, on the phone setting up reservations at this restaurant, that restaurant, this restaurant, this hotel, all in San Francisco. They were going to have a weekend away, saturday, sunday, the entire day. I imagine California is a lot like Texas where you can kind of fly in. It's probably you can drive everywhere, but it might just take you a little longer than you'd like. So in my head they were probably going to drive to, uh, san Francisco, or maybe they could catch a flight and be out there, be there in like 30 minutes.

Speaker 1:

But either way, richard, hey, I can't really do that because on Friday I have to be at this party, so why don't we just cancel the trip? She's like no, I don't want to cancel the trip, let's just go down on Saturday. He's like I don't want to be there like a day and a half, so let's just not. I wanted, like the full weekend. So even do it. She's not feeling that, but you know what she's like. She's telling him you know, I was on the phone all weekend or all morning, and I feel her because it ain't 2025, or you can go online and click here, click there.

Speaker 1:

You have to physically pick up the phone and talk to 16 people in order to book these things. So when she goes into the bathroom to finish her night routine, he gets on the phone and he's calling Kenny. Kenny is doing the baby night routine, so he's feeding the baby, but luckily he has his hooker book right next to him. He cracks it up when he's like what you need rich, I got this girl, that girl, this girl. I was like I thought Kenny was a what is he an A&R guy, something with the music industry, but whatever, I guess he has hookers on on ice at all time. So he's telling Richard what he has or who he can get, and Richard's like oh, a blonde. And Laura hears this as she comes out of the bathroom. Richard quickly ends the phone call and her heckles are up like I see what he's doing.

Speaker 1:

So four gentlemen arrive from Japan and immediately I noticed something when you compare them to the other men, they look very expensive I'm talking ascots and just really their suits are real, they're not off the rack. Very fine cut suits, very custom, very polite men. And you know, they come in and Richard Sleazy's little Richard Sleazy boss is just smiling at him, like hey guys, you have a good flight or something. The main guy is like yeah, my personal plane is amazing. I had it customized, I had it decked out so that I can be good and comfortable. And I immediately I'm like okay, they are used to the finer things in life. You gotta come correct, you. You really have to. Maybe the opera? This is what I'm thinking right about this time. Maybe the opera, maybe, um, I don't know, on a yacht or something is a little more of their speed.

Speaker 1:

But the boss does not read the room. He's like hey, would you like a drink? And the the main guy from Japan is like, oh god, yeah, I could really use some warm tea. Like, I want rich stuff. I don't want to. I'm not drinking bourbon at 11 am. Treat, act like you got a little class. So I'm starting to get a little bit nervous.

Speaker 1:

But Richard's boss is Richard seems to sort of pick up on that too. He's not necessarily saying it. He remembers everyone's name. He's introducing everyone. He remembers all but one guy. But it's no big deal. Richard is very charming. It's very clear that they like him. But the boss is still sort of pushing this other narrative. So the boss is going to take I'm assuming he's taking the guys to lunch and he tells Richard to go ahead and go to the hotel and make some accommodations and he pulls out a little cash, hands it to Richard, which is a sinking feeling. If you are a lawyer, you are a brilliant guy. Everyone on the show was asking you for your advice, but you were kind of stunned. If you will, he's the errand boy, but he sucks it up and he does his job. He goes actually. Let me pause. Let's pause there. Richard's boss wants him to go to the hotel and get everything fixed up. Okay, keep that in mind.

Speaker 1:

So Laura is back at her office, and I'm assuming this is Friday because the guys from Japan are there. Whatever, we're not going to sweat the timeline too much. Just know that Scooter wanted Laura to go to Santa Barbara, I think, but she told him no, no, no, richard and I are going to be going to San Francisco on Friday, so I can't. So it's either Thursday or it's Friday morning. Everyone at Laura's office is minding their own business, but not really, because Scooter not the Victor Newman Scooter, new Scooter has his office door wide open at first and his ex-wife has come, so he's reading a quite literal laundry list of things she needs dry cleaned or repaired for her new whiskey, and it's like silk socks, silk robes, this and that it's scooters that they're having a whole argument. I can't remember his wife's name, I think it's something with a G.

Speaker 1:

It's Mrs Scooter. Let's call her Geneva, just so we can have a conversation. Geneva, you really think I'm going to buy this man silk socks? What does he need all this? Cufflinks and all this for? Doesn't he have a job? He thinks he's Ernest Hemingway, doesn't he? She goes Ernest Hemingway is dead. He's very much alive. He needs these new clothes and you're going to buy them. Scooter's like I'm not going to buy your boyfriend, your much younger boyfriend, anything. You're making a fool of yourself. She says okay, well, you don't have to buy it now. What I can do is take half of everything that you're going to buy regardless. You can save yourself a little money now and buy it now, or you can let me take it from you and I'll take more than half.

Speaker 1:

They're having this big argument. It's very clear that the only reason Mrs Scooter has shown up is so that she can pick a fight. She woke up, chose violence that day and said you know what I can do. Let me go mess with Scooter a little bit. Let me remind him that I got a young little snacky poop for myself. So they're arguing and carrying on and luckily Scooter has a glass pane window in his office so we can all see everything that's going on.

Speaker 1:

Everybody in the office is pretending to type, but you know it's a 1981. Typewriters make a lot of noise and they're not actually putting any pressure on the buttons. Everybody is ear hustling and Scooter's like you're making a fool of yourself, geneva, with this young boy. How dare you run around with a man half your age You're old enough to be his mother around a man half your age, you're old enough to be his mother. And Geneva's like oh word, what about her? She turns and points to Laura and it's a glass window, like I just said, so everybody sees it. So then he goes to shut the door. They continue to curse each other out.

Speaker 1:

Geneva leaves after she has thoroughly pissed him off and reminded him that she's got a young thing. But here's the thing she told Richard when they had that dinner party at their house, at Laura and Richard's house that Scooter has had many, many a relationship with other people. So what's the big deal? Well, laura sees I wish they had panned the camera through the office, because I know everybody in the office is thinking the exact same thing Like oh, is sleeping with her. Did y'all hear? Geneva? Oh god, I would have loved to have been at the water cooler that day. But Laura goes in his office. Hey, I hope everything's okay. You know. He's like yeah, it's fine, they have a good relationship. But she's basically coddling him and he's like well, I'm gonna head up to Santa Barbara in a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Laura goes home. So let's just pretend this is friday. Let's pretend this all happened the same day, even if it didn't. Laura goes home. Someone calls the house and it's a girl and she's looking for richard. Now why? Laura decides to put on a fake spanglish accent. She can't even say more than two words. Richard's not here. Como se llama son? Just horribly pronouncing and the lady goes. Well, they said he was his job, gave me this number, they said he was home, and so Laura's like okay, he's lying. So she goes, he's not here, hangs up, decides she's gonna go find Scooter and say you know what? Scooter, santa Barbara's back on, richard's not gonna be home tonight. So I can, I can definitely go with you to Santa Barbara.

Speaker 1:

Well, they end up going to Santa Barbara and he's talking to a divorcee. She wants to sell her beautiful, beautiful mansion with this gorgeous garden, and the sentiment that she shares is that she hates the garden because this is what her ex-husband wanted so badly that then he ran off with a 29 year old girl and she feels like she's left holding the bag. She just wants to sell the whole kid and caboodle. But Scooter is being all fatherly and friendly. He's like you don't really want to do that. I know he's gonna come back to his senses. Let me talk to him. Don't make any rash decisions.

Speaker 1:

She's like Scooter, I hear you, but also number one. I don't want him. Number two, I can't afford this place by myself. So a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. He's like listen, just don't even worry about it. Let me talk to him. Keep.

Speaker 1:

This is a beautiful property. If you want to sell it, sell it for the right reason. So she's like you right, you right, you right. And she decides not to sell. But Laura is very impressed with him. She's like I can't believe. You're going through all you're going through and you're still willing to. You know, talk to people about working it out. So they end up going to another house. He's like well, I really want to show you this house. And they go in and it's large, really pretty, nothing out of the ordinary. Tell me why. When they go out the back door, I'm like wait a minute. I have seen this house and I've seen this house. Recently, dynasty uses this same house. I'm saying this boldly. I'm saying this without referencing the exact episode, but I can give you like a ballpark.

Speaker 1:

When Kirby first arrives, she goes to the backyard and she's dressed like Madeline, I guess because she's from France, I don't know Madeline, the cartoon for all you millennials, the one that used to come on HBO. And you see the back of the house and I and I remember thinking, oh, that looks weird because there's a whole pond scene where they have a fight. Alexis and crystal have a a fight at that pond. I feel like that was a little bit further out, but adam has chased kirby in the backyard and it's. It's the exact same porch. I guarantee you, it's exact same house.

Speaker 1:

I'm like dang, no, I'm not sharing. Well, I quickly forgot about that because Scooter and Laura share yet another passionate kiss. And then this goes on for a little bit and he finally confesses. He's like listen, this house isn't even for sale. It's a friend of mine. They just wanted me to come up and watch it while they're on vacation for a little bit. But I wanted you to come. She goes. Why didn't you just tell me? He said I thought you would say no, well, I'm here now.

Speaker 1:

So they go to the couch and they start making out, but then she feels bad. She's like listen, scooter, I can't really do this. I'm only doing this because Richard is at a party tonight and I know he's probably hooking up with other women and Scooter is not offended. He's like well, I don't want you to do it unless you really want to. They really do have a very interesting relationship. They seem to really care for each other. They both want to have an affair, but they want to have it for the right reasons. How noble anyway. She's like well, since we're not gonna hook up, we might as well get fat fool, get that itis and then drive on home. You can take me home. He's like, I will do just that. Let's go back to Richard.

Speaker 1:

So Richard leaves the office to go to the hotel to make sure all of the settings are going to be perfect for this night of fun. He speaks to who I can only assume is like the artist formerly known as Joseph. I guess it's a major domo for a hotel. I don't really know what you'd call that, but he's speaking to this guy. He's like bringing a piano, have this amount of champagne, have this, that and the third. Make sure that this is very discreet. My clients are very private. And Major Domo not Joseph is like sir, that is what I do, that's why I'm here. Everything's going to be smooth, don't even worry about it. You can do all the dirt you want. I'll make you look good and classy when you guys walk in. So Richard unfolds some of the hundred dollar bills that his boss slipped into his palm and he puts them into the palm of the major domo. So flash forward to that night.

Speaker 1:

I guess the day went well. Everyone is in the hotel room and Richard was right. He had the right settings classy music playing different levels of food scattered about. The women that he brings in actually they're just girls, quite frankly. They seem to be college girls. In fact, one of them graduated from the same college as his boss or one of his boss's friends. So there's other, there's a Japanese man that are there on business, and then I guess there's other lawyers from the firm who are there and they're all having a good time. There are Buku girls, and all these girls are really smart, I guess, or at least they were curated well, because one of them pretends to educate a Japanese man on what sushi is, specifically a California roll, and the other one is like oh, I love karate. They basically pulled out whatever Asian influences they thought they knew and pretended like the men were into it. But most of the men seem to be into having a good time with the girls singing carrying on.

Speaker 1:

But Richard is kind of in the cut over by the wet bar and there is one lady of the night who seems to have a little bit too much. Don't remember her name, maude or something really short like that she is. She's drunk and so she's talking about all these stocks that she shouldn't have bought. And she seems to be super, super bright. She knows what she's talking about. And Richard is telling the one of the gentlemen from Japan what he should do about his business, how he should diversify, how he should do X, y and Z, and the guy seems really into it. So this is the second or third time that the businessmen from Japan have shown interest in what Richard has to say, like he's not just this pimp. But Richard can read the room and he senses that his boss is a little bit uncomfortable. His boss is there as well.

Speaker 1:

So Richard takes the drunk lady of the night over to start dancing. So flash forward to the end of the night. Everyone is leaving. The guy from Japan seems really happy because he's got two girls that are going to walk him to his room. We'll let you imagine. I don't know what happens, I don't know, but we'll assume something went down.

Speaker 1:

I haven't watched the next episode yet so I don't know if the deal was sealed or not for that particular firm. But I do know that Richard goes to sit down after a long day, long, hard day of pimping and predatory lawyering. He tries to pour himself a glass of champagne when he notices Little Miss I've had Too Much to Drink conked out behind the couch, the couch. So he slings her over his shoulder and by some soap opera, miracle, he's able to walk or drive or hail a cab to her apartment, unlock the door with her keys, puts her on the bed, hoping she'd wake up. She is dead to the world y'all. She is not moving, she's not blinking, she's not doing anything. So he's stumbling about in the dark. He cracks his the shin on a coffee table. Ow, ow, ow. You would think that wakes her up, but it doesn't.

Speaker 1:

It's right about this point not at any point before that he notices oh, she's out out. I hope everything's okay. So he tries to wake her up. He just feels awful about leaving her there knocked out. Decides the only way to get her to wake up after he's tried like slapping her, tried shaking her she's not doing anything to wake up. After he's tried like slapping her, tried shaking her she's not doing anything drags her over to the shower, turns the shower on. She wakes up, but he gets all of his clothes wet. So the next time we see him he's on his stomach, he's clearly not wearing a suit and she's behind him.

Speaker 1:

She's awake, she's sober, she's very grateful that he saved her life and they share a quick little kiss as if they've known each other for a while now. I don't remember. She's a girl, say, one of the girls from the last episode. Don't really know, don't really care. He, he asks hey, what time is it? And she goes it's 11 and he goes no, it can't be 11, we left the party after midnight. She goes no, silly, clearly it's 11 the next day and he's like oh my gosh. So she tells him well, you told me not to wake you up until your clothes were dry. Oh my gosh. I am just now putting this together in real time as I'm saying this to you guys. Maybe they hooked up.

Speaker 1:

He doesn't seem to remember. She seems to remember more. He doesn't seem to remember after the shower. She seems to remember stuff from the shower on, and it would explain why they were sharing such an intimate kiss. Because she's like well, I mean I can make it up to you. No, no, no, I gotta get home. My wife's gonna be so upset.

Speaker 1:

So he's rustling, he's putting on clothes that are still damp, he leaves, but not before agreeing to meet up with sweet little hooker, whatever her name is. So he gets home and, mind you, laura had gotten home really, really late. This is where this audacity starts to kick in. She got home really late, but she still beat him home. So she's making breakfast, he comes in and he's like oh, oh, I'm so sorry, honey, it was just kind of a wild night Got caught up and she said go, it's okay, richard. At some point later on, though, richard shows up to her office, and I thought he was showing up to make a scene. I don't know why I thought that, I just thought he was.

Speaker 1:

But she's in the glass office, or the office with the glass windows, with Scooter, and Scooter leaves, so that they can have a little discussion. Richard tells her listen, laura, what happened was I was at this party. One of the girls there got really, really drunk or I thought she was drunk. Turns out she took her Quaalude or something, mixed it with alcohol. She was passed out behind the couch. I had to take her to her apartment. I ended up falling asleep there. Oh, I know why Because she had asked him why his suit was wet and he could tell that she didn't believe him. So he tells the truth. Like you know, I fell asleep after that waiting on my clothes to dry. Now, mind you, he is omitting the kiss, but Laura is also omitting that she has spent the night, or most of the day and a little bit of the night, with Scooter. I'm going to leave it there and let you pick it up, because this has gone on a little longer than I wanted, but it was very, very good.

Speaker 1:

There was audacity all over the place. You got the audacity of Scooter's ex-wife and Scooter. Scooter has the audacity to have an attitude. The ex-wife has the audacity to bring a new bill in, just to kind of stick it to Scooter. A new bill in, just to kind of stick it to Scooter.

Speaker 1:

Laura has the audacity to be upset about this, not necessarily Abby, not nothing. I mean she's been a little bit upset about all that, but she's taking it quite well. But she's not telling him that any suspicions he has between she and Scooter are warranted, whether they want to admit it or not. She and Scooter may not have crossed the ultimate line, but I almost think it's worth. Like they are intimately, they're mentally connected. She likes him, he likes her, like they are best friends. It is absolutely a threat and it's a dangerous little game. Now I've left out a couple of scenes so that way you can kind of watch it yourself and decide for yourself how scandalous you think this is or isn't. But I'm just like okay, this is an interesting twist, we're both guilty, but you just you don't know I'm guilty, so I'm not going to tell you.

Speaker 1:

All right, guys, join me next time as we jump into season three, episode eight of not signing. Don't know the name, hadn't checked yet, but I get the feeling it's going to be a really good one. In the meantime, in between time, enjoy your day. If anybody who's related to me is listening to this, all stories are hypothetical. I can neither confirm nor deny the squirt gate. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, bye.