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S4 EP19 Dynasty: Steps : The " Fallon's Stanky Leg" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 274

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 Welcome Back Soap Fiends!!The Carringtons prove once again that family drama is their specialty in this rollercoaster episode that delivers equal parts hilarity and triumph. Fallon's mysterious paralysis has everyone walking on eggshells, though the doctors can find no physical cause for her inability to walk. Jeff Colby swoops in like a knight in pastel cashmere, carrying her over thresholds and organizing elaborate picnics in a transparent attempt to rekindle their relationship during her vulnerable state. While Fallon appreciates the attention, her true healing comes from an unexpected source — when baby Blake toddles dangerously close to the swimming pool, maternal instinct overrides whatever psychological blocks were keeping Fallon wheelchair-bound. Meanwhile, Claudia fights her own psychological battles as mysterious deliveries of violets coincide with her anniversary with Matthew. When a manila envelope containing a childhood photo arrives during Fallon's celebration party, Claudia makes the bold decision to fly to South America and confront whatever ghosts are haunting her. The episode's most jaw-dropping moment comes courtesy of Alexis, who invites Kirby to a manipulative lunch where she reveals that Kirby's mother isn't dead as she was told, but institutionalized after committing murder. This bombshell sends Kirby spiraling as she questions her entire family history while still navigating Adam's intense romantic pursuit. Speaking of Adam, his "rapey vibes" (as our host so eloquently puts it) continue to make everyone uncomfortable, though Kirby seems strangely drawn to his intensity. Even villainous Alexis shows her vulnerable side when she feels excluded from Fallon's celebration, breaking down in Dexter's arms and revealing the wounded mother beneath her scheming exterior. This episode proves once again that in the Carrington world, family ties are both the deepest wounds and the strongest bonds.

Speaker 1:

Baby, we need to talk. It is your personal decision to take or to not take your medication. However, we got to work on this rapey vibe. There is a mode. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soap Floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. Gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet, viewing and reviewing the soapiest, fuzziest primetime storylines of 1984. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell babe, no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else in earshot. You can be cool, you can be quiet or you will certainly be kicked out Because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap War. Hello, gorgeous, and welcome back to another fun little edition of SoFour. I hope your day is shaping up well.

Speaker 1:

I can't lie to y'all if the interview is a little bit different today, I have a confession. We're all feeling the squeeze. If you are a member of the United States of America, we're all feeling the squeeze. So I generally have little Starbies every week and I've fallen in love with this whole oat milk shaken espresso. It's too many words in that I refuse to say all of them at all the same time, but as time has gone on, I started to feel like I'm not really feeling the effects that I need to my energy and really any different. It just tastes good. I find that I don't really finish it. So I decided to roll the clock back just a little bit and go back. Don't really finish it, so I decided to roll it the clock back just a little bit and go back to this convenience store I've been going to. It's a local chain. They have incredible coffees and I jumped into their espresso. Baby, tell me why. I cleaned out my car, my closet, my drawers, all before 9 am and I'm like, oh, my god, okay, yeah, I'm hopped up on espresso today. So I'm gonna use this energy to do something productive. We are jumping back into dynasty, season 4, episode 19 steps. Tell me why. The first thing I thought was step by step, day by day, fresh start over some bishamishamay.

Speaker 1:

I wonder who the gravelly voice dude was. Who did all of the 90s sitcoms, especially TJRF on ABC? Who did that cause I feel like it's the same song. If you do Full House, if you do any other song, it's the same song. If you do Full House, if you do any other song, it's the same dude kind of going on with that. Who is he and how is he Baby? When I think about the residuals of that check my God, he fed three generations off of those songs I'm also a little bit no, I'm not embarrassed, actually, I'm not. I just can't believe. I watched him. I can't even remember who Patrick Duffy was. I know he was Uncle, somebody on Step by Step, but now he's Bobby. How the hell? I didn't know that was Bobby, probably because I watched those shows by myself. That is an entirely different subject.

Speaker 1:

But we're going to jump into a little bit of fan mail. It seems like there's a little bit of controversy when it comes to the all-mail review pageant. And then we're going to jump into season four, episode 19 of Dynasty Steps. Go ahead and pour yourself off something bubbly and bright, get you a little snacky poo, whatever's going on to the day, guess what? That's not your business right now. Ball it up, chunk it in the back seat and let's focus. Speaking of focusing, I want to jump into a wonderful piece of fan mail that, I'm not gonna lie, left me in tears this week.

Speaker 1:

Dear soapblur, I simply must extend my gratitude for the wonderful nostalgia trip you've gifted me. I stumbled upon your show while searching for a Falcon Crest recap. What a treasure to find a place that celebrates the sheer magic of vintage primetime drama. Back in the 80s my husband, carl, and I were newlyweds and we spent our evenings engrossed in the world of Falcon Crest. It was storytelling at its finest. Those nights feel like a world ago, but your show has reignited the spark of those glory days, and for that I thank you. Now I must get to the heart of the matter.

Speaker 1:

Cole, oh boy, there are certain characters who simply cannot be overlooked, whose presence demands recognition. Cole, with his unwavering integrity and refusal to back down in the face of adversity, is exactly the kind of contestant. An all-male beauty pageant needs. His charm, grit and ability to stand tall against opposing forces makes him a compelling figure that must not be ignored. It would be nothing short of a crime to omit him. I hope you continue to spotlight the greats of vintage television. Soap Lore is a gift and I'm thrilled to be a part of its audience With admiration and enthusiasm.

Speaker 1:

Annette, oh my God, annette. Now why are you going to do something like that? Why are you going to do a thing like that Now? I cried. I'm not going to lie. This is probably my third time reading it. I read it to my husband. I was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

Let me tell you something. This is part of the aspect of the show I never really anticipated. I just thought I would come on here, I would talk, I would view shows, I would like attract other millennials who never really seen it but kind of knew what it was, and I thought we would all just sort of catch up together. But you OGs have been just oh my gosh, you guys are just amazing. I love everything about you. I love everything about you. I love everything about you.

Speaker 1:

It is no secret that I wish I was Gen X. I gosh. I just think about, like, if I think about, if I watch 90210 right, that was my bread and butter from like first, second grade on if a kid came to me today and was like, oh my my gosh, this show was amazing and I got to listen to them like live it and love it. It would make me so happy and it just makes me happy that I make you guys happy. Thank you so much. We're not going to go there because we have a pretty just kind of dry bread type episode today. But, annette, thank you so so much. I hope you and Carl are reliving the glory days watching this on Amazon Prime. Um, falcon Crest is definitely one of my favorites. They're all my favorites, but Knotts Landing just threw me for a loop. Falcon Crest, I love the storytelling on all of these shows, so I fully get it. I hope you guys are reliving glory days and enjoying your time. With that being said, I hope you keep listening after this.

Speaker 1:

I don't fully disagree with you. Cole has a certain amount of tenacity. That is attractive. He has a certain grit. I fully fully agree with that. However, I feel like Cole might show up, and you know his Brooks brothers. Brothers, brooks are not going to have evening gowns. There's no razzle dazzle. They're going to have to wear really gorgeous suits tailored to perfection. And listen, he got the body he does. He's got the jawline. But I think if you asked him a question that was even a little bit controversial, I think he'd flip out. That's my whole thing. That was even a little bit controversial. I think he'd flip out. That's my whole thing.

Speaker 1:

It's not that I don't think Cole is fine, but I do think that I wouldn't respect him. But I'm starting to realize this isn't just about me, this is about all of you. Like, what do you guys think In a pageant of soap opera male baddies? She's right, annette, you're right, I can't even sit here in front. There's no way you could not include Cole. I just don't think Cole's going to make it to the semifinals.

Speaker 1:

I think Cole is so easy to get under his skin. Mind you, I'm only on season four. I don't know if there's a maturation situation where he grows into himself a little bit more, I will say, even though I think his daddy is hotter than him, but that's just because of my age, I think. I think I don't know. I think he'd be so easy to get under your skin. That's my whole thing. Him and probably Bobby and definitely Steven. If I felt like putting him in here, all you'd have to say is two little words about their dad and they'd lose their mind. That's what I think. But what do you guys think?

Speaker 1:

Go ahead and hit me up in the show notes. If you're listening to this on your phone or something, check the show notes and you can always send me a text. The weird thing is, though, I can't text back to you, but I will always, always, always acknowledge you. You can also email me at SoapLore S-O-A-P-L-O-R-E-P-O-D-C-A-S-T at gmailcom. Soaplorepodcast at gmailcom. God, I hope I didn't misspell that, and I will respond to you. You can send me pictures, all the things there, and we will just have a good old time. All right, guys, that's enough of my jaw jacking today. Thank you, annette. I hope you and Carl are just forever in love, enjoying your nights. Let's go ahead and relive all these glory days, because I'm enjoying it. I hope you are too.

Speaker 1:

Let's jump into season four, episode 19 of Dynasty Steps. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I need you to know that my microphone acted a teetotal fool, and the recording you're hearing now is several, several days later. It's like every time I go to speak it would faint. It's like, oh, you thought I'd say two or three words, pass out. I go through the holes a little quick. It faint on me, but you know what? I'm glad this happened, because I actually needed to go back through this episode Because I believe I called it dry toast at the beginning. Yes, there's not a ton happening, but there's always a lot happening. If that makes any sense, let's go ahead and start from the beginning. When last we left, falon discovered I guess I left this part out a very sexy chocolate doctor who I now recognize was working on Falon.

Speaker 1:

He goes into her room after she wakes up from her coma. She kicks her mother out of the room. It's very embarrassing, for Jeff stays on while the doctor does like his basic physical examination. Fallon can move her eyes to and fro, she can lift her head up and down. Doesn't seem to be have a spinal injury, nothing like that. But when we get down to her tippy toes she can't move them. She can't move her knees, she cannot move anything below her waist. It is quite dramatic. And then we roll into the next episode.

Speaker 1:

The next episode, which is this episode, picks up about a week or so later where Fallon has woken up, volunteers and purposes. She seems to be perfectly fine. Only she's not whether this heartbreak, paralysis or what. She's not able to move her legs. Blake is talking to sexy black doctor who I figured out used to be on Star Trek, one of the movies. My dad's a huge Trekkie. It's a little bit blurry. It would have been a movie I saw very, very early on, but he's definitely in one of those. And I'm like, okay, I remember that mustache now.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, blake wants to take Fallon home and Dr Sexy is like, yeah, you could probably take her home. There's really nothing more we can do here. I have no reason to believe that she's not going to make a full recovery. I just don't know when has anything traumatic or weird happened to her lately? And Blake's like well, you know, funny thing is I had to run up on her ex-boyfriend, right, he took all this money from me. He played this whole okie doke with the horse Woot, wootie, woot. I jumped him, or my son double jumped him, beat him down in the Denver airport. Next thing, you know, she running out in traffic and whatnot. Now she can't walk. And the doctor's like, yeah, yeah, I think I read something about that in medical school heart. But you know what I'm saying. It's just one of those things. Go ahead and take her home. There's nothing we can do here now. Blake's a little granted I am taking creative liberties in that discussion, but that is basically what they said Doctors, I take her home. She might as well be around familiar people, in a familiar area where she feels good and safe, and perhaps she'll snap out of it there. Blake's like okay, fine, cool, we'll do that.

Speaker 1:

Now, most of this episode, if I'm being quite honest, is it's a lesson in expectations. It's a lesson in sort of seizing the day. Carpe diem, if you will. You jump on those moments before those moments have an opportunity to jump on you and there is no one who is in better need of a moment to jump into if they. If they hope to have any sort of romantic connection with Fallon, then Jeffrey Colby. So of course, blake sends the finest limo to bring Fallon home. He sets her up real, proper At first. Let me rewind just a little bit.

Speaker 1:

At the beginning of the episode, fallon has on this jogging suit and the nurse. In my mind I'm like'm like oh, this nurse is gonna steal her clothes. Because she kept saying oh my gosh, mrs cole, you look so wonderful, you look amazing, you look so good in that suit. And I'm like why is she complimenting the suit so hard? But I think this woman is just tired. It's probably the end of her 12-hour shift. She's like yeah, girl, you look good. Listen, if anybody's gonna walk, it's gonna be somebody. Somebody's wearing a suit as fine as yours. So Fallon is being hyped up by the staff, by her family, everybody's sort of tiptoeing around her. But it's a weird situation. It's very delicate, if you will. They don't know when she'll walk because there's nothing actually stopping her from walking. So picture this Blake sends a limo to bring her home. You know how they do A Carrington welcome is the biggest of all.

Speaker 1:

Now, jeff knows he don't know nothing else. He knows Fallon don't really want him like that. However, the only time she sleeps with him is after a breakup. So he has to work fast and in this particular situation he can look like the hero if he plays his cards, just so. So I suppose Jeff goes into his bedroom and has a conversation with himself in the mirror and he's like listen, you're tall, you're dark, you're handsome, you have amazing hair. You have about two weeks before she finds a new Booski. You need to jump in there immediately. You need to be in her like cheap swimwear on a Florida spring break. In there, if not only for a week or a week or two, that's all you got time for. So what he does is he shows up when the limo comes pulling up to the mansion.

Speaker 1:

Jeff goes out to the car and he says Blake, I want to carry her into the house, as if he's carrying her over the proverbial threshold, hoping she remembered that one time she married him. Maybe she'll feel that lucky again or unlucky, depending on who he asks. So Jeff comes out to the car, he opens the door. She's of course like oh my gosh, hi, jeff, you're here again to help me. Thank you. So so so much. Mind you, the last time she met Peter it was because she had just dissed Jeff after a fresh hookup.

Speaker 1:

But that's neither here nor there. Jeff is not bothered, he's not deterred. He is in hard bottoms, in a three-piece suit, and he picks this girl up from the inside of a limousine and he walks her all the way into the house. So we all know that's at least three quarters of a mile from the driveway to her bedroom or whatever room she decides to sleep in. It's impressive crystal and her fur are impressed. She's like wow, that's pretty cool. She's gonna be fine, blake. Everything is gonna be fine.

Speaker 1:

So Fallon is to be either left alone or she is to visit with a physical therapist. But, like I said before, everybody knows she's mentally fine. They just can't figure where this paralysis is coming from. So there's different people come visit her at different hours of the day. Everybody has their own agenda. Most of all they just want to make sure she's fine, see where her head's at.

Speaker 1:

So Jeff comes to visit her first and you know he's doing these. In my mind there's no proof of this, but in my mind he's standing in the mirror doing affirmations I am handsome. In 10 years time they're going to make a whole ass Disney prince after my face. I can get this girl. I just have to be myself, which is exactly what he shouldn't do. But he does some version of that. So he goes into his closet. He finds his finest uh, pastel button down. He wants to appear rugged, not stiff, so he rolls the sleeves up. He finds the finest sweater vest money can buy and he enters Fallon's abode. Fallon, hi, uh, our son. Remember that kid. Remember that time we slept together and you got pregnant one of the three times we together. And well, our kid thinks you're fantastic, thinks you're wonderful. Now Fallon is chilling.

Speaker 1:

I would say she's actually taking all of this really, really well. She's not really making a fuss. She seems to be I wouldn't use the word disturbed. She seems to be in some sort of thought, but she seems very appreciative of all the love that everyone is showing her. So she's chilling in this chaise lounge in this electric blue, cobalt golden girls realness outfit it's like a super large tunic or whatever fully stretched out on the chaise and Jeff is working his magic. Our son thinks he's wonderful and she's like she knows it's a joke. Obviously, blake can't form full sentences, but they're having a very cute back and forth. You can tell she appreciates jeff coming in there and you know what she's looking at. I'm like you know what? Jeff is? Kind of fine, he is kind of fine and while I'm on the mend I might as well find something to do. So she is entertaining this, even if it's just for the little while. I misspoke.

Speaker 1:

Jeff is not wearing the sweater vest in this scene, but he is wearing this sort of light pink. It's like a pinkish tan sweater. It is cashmere, it is expensive, it is corny, but he looks amazing in it. She is still strolled out in cobalt blue in this chaise lounge and they're having this whole corny conversation about how spunky she is and how difficult and stubborn she could be. Raw, raw, raw, because she's a. She's a carrington, she is a trip and fall carrington. And oh, if you tell me to jump, I'll swim backwards 12 miles. Well, that's the thing I admire about you. It's all very cute.

Speaker 1:

What they're insinuating is that there is a chance, a snowball's chance in hell, that fallon is going to fall in love with jeff. We all, I, we are. I'm sorry. How many wives has Jeff had in four seasons? Come on now. Anyway, they're doing this whole very unromantic, very boring, back and forth when I notice, oh my God, she's not holding a muff, she's holding a feline. The cat looks fantastically bored by this entire situation, by the way, and I agree with the sentiment.

Speaker 1:

So I'm watching this and I realize, oh my gosh, this must be by the way. And I agree with the sentiment. So I'm watching this and I realized, oh my gosh, this must be a very expensive cat. And then I had this thought probably, I don't know, maybe a year ago. A friend of mine reaches out and she's like hey, I'm about to get this cat, would you mind being like a reference for me? I said yes, of course, thinking she's adopting it from the Humane Society or something.

Speaker 1:

So about a week later I get this phone call and it's super professional. Actually, I get an email first. No, I get a phone call first and the person on the other line is you know, hey, how are you? Do you know so-and-so? Yes, I know so-and-so. What kind of person is so so, it's a wonderful person. What's their family like? They're a great family. They're very close knit.

Speaker 1:

Um, how is this person, as a mother's person, a mother? Yeah, she's a mother. She's really dope, very involved with her kids. Good, you know by this'm like wait, what is going on now? Who the hell is this? The questioning is about 30 minutes. I'm not even joking. I'm like, wow, how do they handle conflict? How do their finance? I'm like you know, I'm not in their wallet like that, and even if I was, I wouldn't say anything. But I mean, clearly she didn't seem to be struggling. They're fine.

Speaker 1:

After this, they sent me a full survey I'm talking like six pages and this is all for a cat, this is all for a cat. So she gives the cat and I'm like, hey, is everything okay? I kind of feel like, did someone call CPS on you? I don't know what this is about, like everybody's asking all these questions. No, it was to adopt this particular cat and I'm like, damn, I didn't realize that was a whole thing. It was very dramatic. But my point is if this is the same sort of cat which I think it is you got to jump through hoopity hoops in the year of our Lord, 2025, to own one.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, jeff manages to continue to bore the cat, but he entices Fallon with a picnic, probably because she can't use her legs. She can't really say no. He's like yeah, let's have a picnic in a couple of days. It'll be fantastic. They indeed have a picnic in the backyard that looks exactly like that house that Laura and Scooter went to the other day. I got to get a little bit more information on that. If any of you OGs know where that is, let me know. It's just so funny to me that these would be major stories. I suppose this is about three years difference between this story and the one on Knott's Landing, but I also think they used the same house in season two when Alexis and Blake had gone overseas, when she was dating that hot dude who also turned out to be Julia's first husband on Falcon Crest, ahmed Hadid, I think I can't remember his last name.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, this house is quite popular. They have a whole picnic and I'm telling you, the butlers bring out fake lobster. They have fruit and whatnot. They're doing the absolute most. In the backyard, phile is wearing boots, which I just don't fully understand. But the whole purpose of this? Everybody is tiptoeing around her.

Speaker 1:

Blake comes into the room at one point to just chat with her. Hey, girl, we haven't had one of our gab fest. How are you feeling about Peter? She's embarrassed. That's how she's feeling. She's embarrassed. And once again she got okie doke by a man who was no longer interested in her, a man who wanted to get with her stepmother or her sister-in-law. She keeps scooping up the exact wrong kind of man and I think she's a little bit embarrassed about it. But she's also trying to hold on to her dignity. So, after all the picnic and lobster and whatnot and Jeff trying to woo, woo, woo her back, she's like let me spend a little bit of time with this child I had.

Speaker 1:

She's holding baby Blake by the pool, which is a brilliant idea if your legs aren't working and she decides to wind up his toy truck, which is a big old Mack truck, huge truck Little boys love trucks and she winds it up thinking it's going to go straight. But for some reason it takes a sharp turn to the left towards the pool and baby Blake, who can now walk. He's got a full head of hair. He looks just like a my buddy doll with the hair, because you know they have the one with the tight little perm rod god perm. And then they have the one with the loose leaf hair. This is a loose leaf, loose leaf hair child.

Speaker 1:

Baby Blake is walking and he is walking towards the pool and she's like hey, hey, hey Blake, I know, blake, blake, don't do that. Blake, back up, back up. Blake is ignoring her because he's a little boy, he wants his truck. Tell me why. The truck goes bloop into the swimming pool and you know what, if Fallon doesn't get her life together, her baby's going to go bloop. And then this woman pulled too, so she eventually kicks off the blanket, she's able to run in her boots and she scoops up her baby. Jeff sees it from the door. That's not funny. It is funny. One of the first millennials ever almost drowned in a bath or in a swimming pool because this woman had wound up this trucking away. She's able to snap out of a save baby blake and everybody's like, oh my god, it's so wonderful, so wonderful in fact, that they're gonna throw her a stanky leg party a little bit later in this episode.

Speaker 1:

But before we get to that, we got to talk about a few other key players. My girl, claudia the Stallion, is once again fighting for her life in the land of the quote unquote sane. She can't even enjoy breakfast anymore. She's been getting these boxes full of violets. Matthew's on the brain heavy. It's plaguing her. She can't even have like a normal episode because people know she's been in the insane asylum Not once, but twice. She threw a whole doll off the side of the building. It was a whole thing. What could possibly be the issue now? So it's morning.

Speaker 1:

Crystal is showing the maids her fine china. Hey, y'all look, I just got a box full of napkin rings, aren't they gorgeous? She sets them aside. She continues with the breakfast buffet. Claudia comes downstairs and, just like it's like a radar or something she looks over to her left. She sees the box. She immediately starts to freak out.

Speaker 1:

Crystal has to choke down her breakfast with a quickness. She's like girl, listen, no, no, no, no, no, claudia, calm down, breathe, baby. No, no, no, no, claudia, calm down, breathe, baby, breathe. These are just my napkin rings. See, she opens a box. It is an unassuming medium-sized white gift box with an open lid, like a type. You just you lift the lid off. It's. There's nothing spectacular about it. But claudia's like girl. No, no, I know this. There's something else. And and crystal feels bad because, let's be real, crystal is the one who hooked up with Matthew and sent Claudia to the insane asylum originally, but now it's just like girl. I didn't realize it would come in this box. I'm sorry, but you don't have to worry, this is nothing. Claudia's like no, no, no, crystal, you don't understand.

Speaker 1:

Today is a very special day. Today is me and Matthew's anniversary. So she's expecting some bull, and that's the thing it's one of, it's a vibe, it is intuition, is what we would call it. Today, sometimes you already know something's going to be some bull. Such is the case with our good friend Kirby, anders Colby, soon to be Carrington or Cack.

Speaker 1:

We'll get back to Claudia by the end of the episode, but we got to get through Kirby first. So, man, she's really been through it. She had the whole toxic shock syndrome. She unfortunately lost the baby. She was really sweating through those last few days. So she's out of the hospital. She's for real, for real, on the mend.

Speaker 1:

I'm not trying to downsize or downplay Fallon's ailment, but hers is cerebral. Kirby has a physical, you know. She is physically healing, her womb is healing and, uh, she has decided. You know what I'm getting, exactly what I would deserve, but at the same time I need to make sure that I deserve the best. So if I have to hook up with this demon dude, I'm going to make the best of it. I'm going to at least make sure I get me a kid out of this deal, and it's going to be Gucci and golden for all involved.

Speaker 1:

Now, for whatever reason, on this show we know the wardrobe budget must be astronomical, but Kirby keeps getting the short end of the stick. I don't know what network Little House on the Prairie aired on, but it seems like Kirby is sent to their closet to get all of her wardrobe. Granted, she's been pregnant. She couldn't have been in the hoochie-goochie-la-la-la of the day, but she's waking up this morning and she's wearing a full-on prairie gown I'm talking bow at the neck. I don't even see her ankles. I'm pretty sure she's wearing like house shoes or something.

Speaker 1:

But she steps out of her room and she sees jeanette, one of the maids, and you know, kirby was raised by them and her father was the major domo of all of them, so they have a good relationship. She's like hey, miss Jeanette, how you doing? She's like hi, baby, how you doing, how you feeling? I feel better. I just want to go check on Kirby, have you? I mean, excuse me, I want to go check on Fallon. Have you seen Fallon? Yeah, girl, she's having this conversation. Kirby is with miss jeanette.

Speaker 1:

Down the hall here comes adam, just chest naked in gray sweatpants, and I'm thinking is he coming from the shower or is he coming from the gym? I certainly hope he's coming from the gym, because what you're not going to do is tell me that blake carrington and $200 million. Shout out to my friend Byron. Yes, I've done a little digging because I've had a few days since I started recording this. You're right, $200 million is not a billion dollars, which is very, very close. It would have been about $798 million in 1981, 1984. I mean very, very close. He's got a lot of money, but if he has this mansion with 52 plus bedrooms or rooms. At least I hope the bedrooms are en suites. Surely people aren't using or sharing a hall bathroom, surely? Anyway, adam comes trolling down the hall and he interrupts this conversation between Miss Jeanette and Kirby and he's like oh hey, kirby, you're looking extra sexy.

Speaker 1:

Adam has a weird kink. I can't quite put my finger on it, but perhaps it's because he's from Millings, I don't know. He's used to seeing girls prairie like. I suppose Kirby's like listen, dude, all I want to do is go visit my girl fallon. I need to see if she's okay. We both been in the hospital. I just want to see what's up. He's like kirby, kirby, kirby. Now he's getting. I don't want to say he's agitated, but he is excited. Let's just say that damn near. Puts kirby in the headlock, pushes her back in the room. He's like hey, hey, he's touching her and I don't know what it is about her quaker realness gown, but it's got him all hot and bothered. He's all turned on and, by the way, this is 1984. It's very clear that he looks like jc chazelle from n-sync, so obviously I'm assuming the audience thinks he's a heartthrob, even even though he's a little bit crazy. Some women are into that and we will get.

Speaker 1:

We'll discuss Kirby here in a second, but he's breathing all heart. He's like hey, oh my gosh, this is so hot. We're going to have caring to name. We're going to have everything. Kirby, now that we're linked up together, it's going to be perfect. Now I hear him saying I'm glad we're together, we're going to conquer this family. She hears, is that all you want from me is an heir? I didn't hear him say that, but if that's what you hear, fine, well then she's like get your hands off me, get your hands on me. Do you really want that, kirby? Adam, baby, we need to talk. It is your personal decision to take or to not take your medication. However, we got to work on this rapey vibe.

Speaker 1:

There is a mode in between predator and just cool guy. Adam has no in between. He is either on one or he's not. He's either on the verge of killing and or maiming and or raping and or setting up someone, or he's not. You know there's there's a happy medium. There's like tired on a saturday morning. There's like annoyed. He don't know that he's, he's all oh, breathing, all hot and bothered. So kirby has to make a decision. She's like oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God. To my surprise he leans in for the kiss and there's something about his psychosis that she is digging. She's like you know what. This is a lot better than doormat, let me. Let me partake in this situation just a little bit. So they start smooching, smooooching. Before you know it it's going to be on and popping.

Speaker 1:

In the morning, when the telephone rings, kirby gets up and her full laura ingalls, wilder gown, walks over to the telephone and she, she kind of collects herself, looks back at adam like damn you, fine, he was going to be on now. This is how we know adam is a sex symbol. They're giving us the falcon crest I'm sexy and I know it. Pose. Adam lays fully back on the bed, mind you, he's wearing gray sweatpants, chest naked, 1984, full toupee on both chesticles and down his, his upper abdomen. He leans back. He is lightly greased. He is not lorenzo llama's baby. All down, probably use I would say, uh, probably probably regular lotion, two coats. He's laid back. He's making sure the muscles are popping. I'm sure he did a couple of push-ups before he hit that corner and he poses. I swear to you, I swear to you, soap fans, it's like one locomotive two, locomotive three oh, we'll pick this up later. Kirby, okay, we get it. Adam, you have 16 muscles. It's a fantastic.

Speaker 1:

Kirby shakes off her whatever answers a phone, and it is Alexis. Now, meanwhile, back at Alexis's penthouse, she is in her bathroom I've decided it's a full bench around a jacuzzi tub and she is being massaged by a full-grown masseuse called mike. Mike is rubbing all the knots out the back of her neck because she's mad tense, because her son is about to fall into this folly, marrying this riffraff who is a spawn of the worst mother butler on history, according to alexis joseph. So alexis says hey. Curbs alexis like who is it? I mean? Curby's like what is this? It's alexis, listen, why don't you come on over to my house for lunch? And curby's like no, no, I can't. You know she already knows this is gonna be some bull, just like Claudia knows all. It's me and Matthew's anniversary. I already know it's about to be some bull.

Speaker 1:

Kirby knows Alexis well enough to know this woman don't like me. She definitely didn't want me with Adam. This is gonna be some bulls, just like oh, oh, god, ah, I'm so sorry, alexis, I'm just not feeling. Well, alexis is like nonsense. We're gonna be family. So Kirby's like is that why you called me? Yes, yes, darling, I'm gonna send a car for you. 12, 30 be ready for lunch.

Speaker 1:

The girl says she's on the mend, but does she listen? No, and this is where adam gets it from. Alexis isn't rapey per se. Maybe she is in a different sense, in a, in a proverbial sense. But the aces of the carringtons, they don't listen to nothing. Okay, you don't want to even be great, I'll send a car for you.

Speaker 1:

So kirby has to then decide let me come about this hot gown, let me go use this whole bathroom, let me wash my body, let me fold 2.7 feet of hair up into a hat so I can look presentable, because I know this woman's going to read me for filth regardless. I see how she bullied Claudia into some sort of style, but all Kirby wants to do is live her life. All she really wanted to do is say hey, I want to sleep in this room. Let me go say hi to Fallon. I don't want to go back to bed, but Adam and Alexis Carrington are not allowing that to happen today. So she makes it over to Alexis' penthouse.

Speaker 1:

Now Alexis has everything laid out. I noticed she always has a little charcuterie board. She always has a little something to snack on. I like seeing this. I like seeing this. For one, it is powerful to watch a woman eat on television. It means she's not really focused not necessarily not focused, but she's not buying into the stereotype that that's not something she would do. Also, I have decided that when a woman like Alexis is constantly snacking, it is so that she can show you how inconsequential this meeting between you and her is. You are simply another thing that is happening during my day. I'm going to snack on this here. Food, you're not that important.

Speaker 1:

Kirby shows up and she has rolled all that glorious virgin hair into a hat up, and she has rolled all that glorious virgin hair into a hat, pinned it back so she can look presentable. And alexis removes two silver domes from two silver trays and, to her shock and horror, there are cornish hens. I didn't order cornish hens, I ordered quail. So this crap has to go back to the kitchen now. I am not a chef, but it seems to me roasting any sort of fowl is going to take a little bit of time. It ain't like they're gonna go in there and scrape the mayonnaise off your burger king burger. This is gonna be a minute, which was all alexis plan, because what happened?

Speaker 1:

What the pa had come by and alexis, of course, insulted him took you long enough time as money. You cost me way too much of it. He's like listen, I had to dig through 20 years worth of news to find a butler's wife. She wasn't exactly on the front page. That was a lot of work. Alexis like yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, you got what I got. He's like yeah, I got it. Cool, get your check and get out, go down the back way. She's insulting him the whole time.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if this man is on the verge of finding Jesus or not, because he's kind of got a change of heart. Mind you, he's a PI. There's all sorts of do dirt work that he does. That is his job. He is a do dirt guy, but he counts his cash real quick, like, and he says Alexis, now, now, what do you gain from doing these sorts of things? Do you really want to go about your life ruining other people's life? What has this little girl done to you? Alexis is like count your money and leave. If I need a conscience, I'll buy one. You definitely are not. It Bounce. What he has collected is newspaper articles from 20 plus years ago. Again, I feel like an administrative assistant could have done that, but she hired a PI. It's none of my business.

Speaker 1:

Flashback to the moment at hand. Kirby showed up with an attitude. After all, she was raised by the major Domo. He was the mother butler. He was always on Alexis's neck period. He didn't like her, she didn't like him. You know, joseph warned his daughter about Alexis. Curse, she didn't like him. You know, joseph warned his daughter about alexis.

Speaker 1:

So alexis says you know, kirby, whether you believe it or not, I truly admire you. I recall how you were an interpreter for my son. I think you could be a valuable asset to my company. Why don't you go to paris and you can live in one of my apartments? I'm going to make sure you have a ridiculously obscene salary and you can be an interpreter for Colby Co. It'll be fantastic.

Speaker 1:

Kirby is not in the mood. Alexis, I'm not doing that. You just don't want me marrying your son. I'm going to do that either way because, guess what, I'm tired of being the downstairs wife. I'm gonna be the upstairs, downstairs, downtown, outside. Whoever wife, whoever c name I have to what marry, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna collect checks for the rest of my life. That's how that. That's how this is going to go.

Speaker 1:

Well, alexis is pissed and there's no doubt that she had planned on this because she's like Kirby if I were you, I wouldn't have any babies. I certainly wouldn't have any babies with Adam. I would adopt a kid if I were you. Now Kirby's like now, wait a minute. What you're not going to do is disrespect my deceased father. He is just as righteous, is just as worthy as any of you. Nincompoops. Alexis pops a little something in her mouth. Girl, I'm not talking about your daddy, I'm talking about your mama. What are you talking about? My mom passed away when I was six months old, when I was a baby. Alexis is like, au contraire, not so. Your mother had a whole lover, pissed her off. She messed around, killed him. She in jail. Your mama is in jail. She ain't dead. She in jail.

Speaker 1:

Kirby starts to flip out alexis and then pulls out her receipt. Now this? Now I'm watching this, mind you, my jaw is just dropping everywhere. She says wait, wait, what, what, what? I don't know what I thought the whole situation. I'm watching this, mind you. My jaw is just dropping Everywhere. She's in the way. Wait, what, what, what? I don't know what. I thought the whole situation was going to be with Kirby's mother. I just it didn't seem that important to me. But whoever wrote this, kudos to you. That makes a lot of sense. She's not dead, she's in an insane asylum. That's the part she left out.

Speaker 1:

Alexis's point is like hey, you might need to look at your family tree because your mama was nuts enough to kill a dude and now she in an insane asylum. I would argue that that would be the outcome, regardless, even if Kirby's mother was the most sane person on earth, because the Carrington side is good and kookaloo. You got the trip and and fall Carrington's ie, blake, stephen and Fallon, and then you got the just we crazy in your face. You're going to beat us up. We're going to select the fool, carrington's in, adam and Alexis. So, regardless, there is a high probability of tripping and falling somebody to death. Or Blake tried to beat a man allegedly His stunt double beat a man to death back in 1965, allegedly or tried to. If we're going to call crazy, it's crazy on both sides. That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

Kirby is so fraught, she's so obsessed she runs back to the mansion and she tells Blake your ex-wife ain't his man. She told me my daddy was dead and then she said that my mama was crazy. Is she alive? Maybe I'm a little bit more open-minded, but hey, having an insane asylum mother is wonderful. Look at baby Danny. He could have been stuck with Heather Locklear before her Melrose Place fame. Or you get a woman who has twice visited the insane asylum. The insane asylum was very chic in the 80s, apparently. Go for it. Everybody needs a little kookaloo in their family. This is all horrible news. This is all terrible, and you know what's worse. Oh, this is all horrible news. This is all terrible, and you know what's worse.

Speaker 1:

Alexis is kind of doing this for no reason. She doesn't want adam to be with kirby. Fair enough, but it's like, why pick it? Why pick at this one now? Normally I wouldn't feel bad for her, but I do because blake had called. She'd gone to visit blake at some point at the beginning of the episode. She told him all about Adam. He didn't really care. He's like listen, we're probably going to throw something when Fallon starts walking. Maybe they decided to have a party beforehand, or whatever. He just wanted Alexis to come by and visit Fallon so that she knew Fallon would know that her mother supported her. And Alexis confides in Blake. Listen at. At the hospital she kicked me out. It was really embarrassing. She told me not to come into her room, so I don't think she's gonna want me at her party.

Speaker 1:

By the end of the episode, word is spread that fallon is walking. They're gonna have an entire situation for her. They're gonna have a really fun time time. Only, alexis doesn't feel comfortable going. She goes home and she gets schnockered. Instead, dexter comes by and he's like baby girl, what's wrong with you? Why are you in here cooped up? Why are you acting this way? You're acting funny. She bursts into tears because Fallon don't want her at the party. Allegedly she didn't really ask, but it's interesting to see this vulnerable moment. You see this moment where she's kind of collapsing into herself because she really does want her children's approval and I can say up until now she's been. Be fair, she has not been awesome to Adam, but she seems to be trying to redeem herself because he has that trump card.

Speaker 1:

At the end of the day, you left him out in the rain. Side note I found out recently this was a very common thing not to leave kids out in the rain. But if women were shopping in the 50s, 40s, 60s, it wasn't uncommon to just leave your kid outside in a baby buggy, for the elements, I guess. So they don't ruin the ambience, I don't know. In case you didn't want to, just walk, can just walk by, I don't know. Either way she is. Alexis is crying and just throwing herself into Dexter's arm and he's there to just comfort and love her. It's so beautiful, it's so cute. But let's get to the stanky leg party.

Speaker 1:

So meanwhile, across town, at the mansion, everyone is celebrating oh my God, my god, you can walk now. I felt in my spirit that the bible's like there she go again. Now we celebrate. They celebrate the most mundane things crystals there, kobe's there, kirby's there, uh, adam's there, everybody's. Hey, that's so great, so good. Are you? You're walking. Let me just reverse just a little bit.

Speaker 1:

There was a tiny little scene between Stephen and Adam that I really enjoyed. So Stephen comes bursting into Adam's office at oh I forget. Does Stephen work for Carrington? Does he work for Denver and Carrington, or Colby Co? He probably works for other Carringtons. He comes bursting into Colby Coe's offices with. No, that's not right. No god, this is what irritates. There's so much back and forth between the men on the show and where they work. Adam works at Carrington, at Denver Carrington, because Tracy works there and they had a moment, so Stephen must still work for Colby Co.

Speaker 1:

Stephen comes bursting into Adam's office at Denver Carrington. He's like yo, bro, what'd you do with all my paperwork? I know you took it when you left. And Adam's like hi, stephen, how's your day? Stephen? He tries to check him. He tries to send him. I'm still your big brother. What do you want? Steven goes into man. I know, I know you left. You took my paperwork. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1:

Adam's like let me gently remind you new face. Don't get those fresh sutures slapped smooth off the side of your freshly adhered face. That was my work. I allowed you to be a part of it because you were my baby brother. But please, one thing's for certain, two things for sure I'm not the one I will paint you into a coma like that. And number two that was my work. Please, please, don't get amnesia. It's one thing. You got a new face. Don't get a new memory. Don't act random with me. That's my work. Don't get a new memory. Don't act randy with me. That's my work. Don't act a fool.

Speaker 1:

He says that in so many words and steven's like well, one day you'll be out on the, you'll be exactly where you belong out on the curve. I'm like y'all stop, push, stop. This man is nuts. What you need to do is approach him square on and calmly, and this is another thing. This is that whole steven is maturing in a way that should be interesting and it is a little bit. But it's like it's just kind of popping off on the wrong people. I don't really like the dog pile on Adam, never mind the fact that he painted a cornucopia of confusion and poison. It happens, you know I'm saying it happens.

Speaker 1:

So back to this party. Everybody's having a good time. When one of the hired helps, helps. One of the servants comes in here. Hey, claudia, something came for you. It's a, it's a manila envelope. Why you would deliver this during a party, I don't know. Why couldn't you just drop this outside of her bedroom? Why do you interrupt Stalin's, stalin's, fallon's stanky leg moment to drop off this manila envelope? Well, claudia opens the envelope and I'm a fool when she opens it. It's. It's a kid, I thought it was Lindsay and I'm like, oh my god, lindsay's a lot. No, no, my mistake, it's actually Claudia as a child. Now, what this means, I really I'm sure I don't know. Stephen comes in the room, claudia shows him the photograph and he's like, well, I much prefer you. Now I'm like Stephen, why would she Come on now?

Speaker 1:

I think this woman has been harassed for the last few days, at least a week or two. Don't you think it's weird someone sending her a picture? He didn't really fully take it the way. I would have enjoyed it. But I'm looking at this and it's her as a little kid. First off she looks exactly the same, but it gave me the same vibe as Knott's Landing.

Speaker 1:

I can't remember the name of the episode. I called it the floral fixation, where Ginger went back to her what would have been her mother-in-law had the boyfriend not passed away and she was sending all the marigolds and all the chrysanthemums to Ginger and all these baby crowd. It kind of felt like that. Now Claudia did go and visit her mother-in-law her ex-mother-in-law last episode and I didn't get the vibe. Of course there could be some fancy writing. I didn't get the vibe that the mother-in-law would be the person sending her all this stuff?

Speaker 1:

But also, why would she be on the show? But also, why would you recycle that storyline a mere three years later? I guess that's long enough for people to forget. I guess I don't know. But either way, by the end of the episode Claudia has decided to carpe diem. She's not going to wait around for someone to believe her. She knows it's their anniversary. She knows someone has been harassing her. She knows that this is only going to get creepier and creepier, and weirder and weirder. I swear I hope Matthew's not back on the show. I just don't see how that could benefit anybody. But for better or for worse, she's going to hop on the first thing smoking with this new Carrington money. She's going to fly down to South America and get to the bottom of it. End scene. Ooh, not bad right, a little better than dry toast.

Speaker 1:

It was buttered up quite a bit and it sounds like we got a lot of action that is stacking up on the back end of this season. This is going to be episode 20. There's either 24 or 28 episodes. I think there's only 24. So we're quickly closing in to the end of season four of dynasty.

Speaker 1:

I don't't know about you, but I'm having a very good time. I love the changing of the tide this season, where it's just fun. It's just fun, it's funny. Everybody is shiny, sparkling and amazing and I am really eager to see what happens. All right, guys, I want to thank you so much for your patience. I know it's been a little bit since I posted the last show. Bunch of unforeseeable events happened, but I'm going to make it up to you. We're going to go ahead and double scoop this. I'm going to dog pile on as many episodes as possible. I think that's going to be. That's it. That's all. In the meantime, in between time, there really is no such thing as a free lunch. If you get a call from a mother-in-law who would be from hell, go ahead and tell her you have irreversible bowels, I don't know. Make up something nasty and sweaty. Hopefully she'll mind her business. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV. Thank you, outro Music.