Soaplore

S4 EP24 Falcon Crest: Justice for All-The" Primrose Path to Prison" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 294

Share episode

Send us a text

A rigged justice system, rejected advances, and secret schemes drive this tension-filled episode of Falcon Crest as familiar faces navigate treacherous waters in Tuscany Valley. The verdict is in, and justice is anything but served. Lance faces the culmination of a corrupt trial as Judge Holder—secretly in Richard's pocket—pushes a deadlocked jury toward a guilty verdict. When Maggie spots Richard having a clandestine conversation with the judge across the street from the courthouse, her investigative instincts kick into high gear. The resulting seven-year prison sentence shocks everyone in the courtroom, with Lance vowing to prove his innocence no matter how long it takes. Romance proves equally complicated throughout the valley. Emma cautiously considers a relationship with Damon despite still nursing heartbreak over her Nazi ex-boyfriend who met a tragic end. Richard's attempts at seduction fail spectacularly when Cassandra rejects his advances at an after-hours Tuscany Downs, and even his loyal assistant Pam chooses an evening with her cat over his company. Meanwhile, Chase finds himself drawn to champagne expert Connie Giannini, whose professional knowledge creates tension with Cole but whose shoulder massage leads to a passionate night between Chase and Maggie. Behind closed doors, schemes continue to develop. Melissa's search for a surrogate mother takes an interesting turn as her cousin Robin subtly positions herself for the role. Cassandra appears to be orchestrating business deals designed to potentially overload Falcon Crest financially. And Terry embraces her newfound independence through gambling success, standing her ground with Reardon while demanding cream and sugar in her coffee like the boss she is. With family loyalties tested and alliances shifting by the minute, the residents of Falcon Crest demonstrate why taking the "primrose path" of pleasure so often leads to unforeseen consequences. Will Lance find a way to overturn his conviction? Can Richard overcome his growing isolation? And who will ultimately control the destiny of the Falcon Crest empire?

Speaker 1:

Breaker 1-9,. Breaker 1-9,. This is Polar Bear, polar Bear Express. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome, or welcome back to Soap Floor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jet viewing and reviewing the Soapiest, studziest primetime storylines of 1985. So, whether you're new to this or true to this, sit back and enjoy. So I guess it's time to play outside or out of sight. So, babe, no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 35 minutes, everyone else on the airshot. Be cool, be quiet, or you will be kicked out because we are watching our stories. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord. Hello, gorgeous, good evening. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another fun-filled edition of so floor. We are diving right back into falcon crest. I hope you love this show, because I do number one and number two. There's just a little more of it to love this season. You know what I'm saying. We just got to do a couple extra scoops here and there, but I'm not mad because the pacing this episode is really juicy once again, tens across the board. I'm totally impressed that they're able to fit so many storylines within this season.

Speaker 1:

I do have a little bit of a beverage choice. Today my husband brought in this. It's a drink from Mexico and it's like a coconut soda. It is bubbly, it is bright, it is fizzy. Is it the best for podcasting? Probably not, but I think I have adapted over the last few years and I can drink a carbonated beverage and still talk and manage to kind of choke my burps out. If not, I just edit them out. I hope none of them have made the recordings, but you know what it is, what it is. We keep the raw, real and uncut around y'all. Okay, pina Fiel, I guess, is what this is called. Let's see what this is. Coconut water carbonated, now that, ooh, that is good. The taste is delicious. It reminds me of the coconut snow cone. Oh, it tastes like summer, which we need because it's a little bit warm here.

Speaker 1:

I hope you are settled, I hope you are welcome, I hope you have your own refreshing beverage and I hope you're able to listen to this podcast and just kind of forget about whatever trouble you have in the moment. You know what I'm saying. We all go through different things. I know there's varying levels of urgency at all times. I just hope you come here. Kick your feet off. Kick your feet off Don't do that Unless they are removable and then you do whatever you need to do to be comfortable. Kick your shoes off and enjoy some of this goodness, this good old TV. We can talk about these people, we can be judgy wudgy which, let's be honest, is kind of fun sometimes. But most of all, I hope you are gaining a little confidence, gaining some new vocabulary words, which I did this episode again and just having an overall good time. I am fully convinced that by December 2025, because we watch these soap operas or you listen to me, watch these soap operas your vintage vocabulary is going to be off the chain.

Speaker 1:

Learned another phrase today I'd never heard before. I looked up what was it? What does she call Lorraine? She doesn't say that's his stepdaughter. A shirt, tail, relative Love that. It made me cackle. I'm like that is such a good turn of phrase. I love that. I do find that our modern language is a little bit lazy sometimes. So I love the challenge of finding new words and I want to be able to curse somebody out without ever using a curse word. This episode she brings a new phrase that we get to chitter, chatter, chit, chit about. So go ahead and grab yourself something bubbly bright as we jump into season four, episode 24 of Falcon Crest, justice for All, aka the Primrose Path, because I am going to be doing so many of the falcon crest with their 30 episodes, my goal is to condense them down, get all the juice out in under 30 minutes, which I know I like to say what I'd like to say. So, on this episode, we're going to go ahead and burst out the door with the bit players, who happen to be two of my favorites. I'm still calling him riker.

Speaker 1:

If you're new to this show, welcome. I'm so glad you decided to join me today. Kick off your shoes or, if you do what you got to do. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life, but you need to get comfortable because you need to listen, because you need to be caught up on these stories. Although I am not an old lady, I grew up around a lot of old ladies and I am finding now, at my big age, that names are irrelevant. You know who I'm talking to. You know who I'm talking about, and if I spent most of my life knowing you as Riker from the USS Enterprise, that's your name, sir, I don't care what else you do in your life. He can become president of the United States. That's Riker from the USS Enterprise, and I expect Jean-Luc Picard to be at your inauguration period.

Speaker 1:

Point blank On this show. His name is Damon. I'm going to use those names interchangeably. There's another kid on here. His name is Greg Reardon. He is a lawyer. He says it so ridiculously in this episode. He had a show called the Manimal which has an incredible storyline that I will, if I can get my hands on it. We're going to watch it. So to me he's more fascinating as the Manimal. I'm going to use names interchangeably, okay, so Damon, also known as Riker from the Enterprise, and Emma get to share a meal.

Speaker 1:

This episode A lovely evening is had, but nothing more. Emma is still nursing a broken heart, despite diversity. Being a Nazi nepo baby with a murderous streak, she still loved him, even though he didn't really love her, even though they only technically have like two to three dates. But the man whined and he dined so deliciously, plus he had a little something crazy going on behind the eyes. I think she was attracted to that. So although Riker, aka Damon, is fine, she's not really really ready to jump back into a relationship. She also has no filter, which is why I adore her.

Speaker 1:

So she and Riker Damon are talking and he wants to know, well, what happened, what happened in your last relationship. He's smothered to death in a cave and I'm like, oh my God, emma, could we not? And Riker's like, wait, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was looking for like Nazi treasures or something. Anyway, he went to this cave and it collapsed, so he was buried alive. Actually, I guess I shouldn't say some other either way. He is inside the side of a Canyon covered in dirt and nobody went in there to check he might be alive. But I mean, who knows? Riker's like, damn, okay, well, she goes well anyway. Uh, because my ex lover was a Nazi nephro baby and he was buried alive, you can imagine the trauma that I endured.

Speaker 1:

So I think I'm going to push pause on love and love interest, but I do appreciate your time. He's like you know what I understand that baby. You've been through a lot. So we won't have forever. We do have tonight. Let's just enjoy this wonderful evening. Kudos to him for not being a creep. Kudos to him for being able to hear no and continue to be a gentleman and say you know what? I still find you just as lovely as you were before you rejected me. Let's go and have this meal. You want some dessert? You order whatever you want, miss Emma. She goes home and she basically floats into the house. She walks right past her mother, she floats upstairs and I guess she sleeps on it. She thinks you know what? He was fine and he does not give Nepo baby vibes. I think I should probably at least give him a chance. Plus, he's fine.

Speaker 1:

So she goes to his office the next day and she's like listen, roman, Raymond Riker, whatever the hell his name is. Damon, I'm so sorry, I feel like I judged you a little bit quickly. I don't want you to feel like I don't trust you, but you know, you need to understand I'm a little tender. I need to take my time with this. He's like, absolutely, he's feeling the vibe. It seems like she's feeling the vibe. So he cups her face in his gorgeous hand and he kisses her and she and she enjoys a kiss for about four seconds and she's like oh no, damon, I know this is the next day, but it still feels like the first day. I don't do that on the first date, but I'll see you around. She leaves.

Speaker 1:

Well, his sister sees Emma leaving. She's not rushing out, but she's definitely she's scooting out, she, but she's definitely she's scooting out. She's not in duress, she's just quickly moving out. And Cassandra comes walking in and she's like what the heck did you do to her? You better not be messing up our plans. I messed up a plan. Calm down. Cassandra thinks it's a bad idea to go after Emma. He's like you know what I would go after Emma even if I weren't doing this for my mom. Like I kind of like her. Cassandra's like, listen, keep it in your pants, we have a plan, we're sticking to the plan. Okay, don't mess this up for us. We'll get back to her in a bit.

Speaker 1:

I'm proud to announce, for the second time this season, aunt Terry has found and secured her spine at an incredibly stiff 90 degree angle and she looks so good this episode. She's got a slick back ponytail. No more new money hair. She's not trying to impress anybody, she's not trying to keep her hair right at the shoulder so she can be respectable. Terry is back. She's dressing all black black gloves, black boots, gorgeous gold earrings and a brown mink coat. Can I just say it is one of my favorite things in life to see people wear brown and black. I don't know why we don't do this more often. I only see it when people wear it in patterns. But it's okay. Stacey London, from what Not To Wear, taught me that black and brown are neutrals. You can wear any neutrals you want together. Anyway, I'm loving her choice because she is effortlessly wealthy, but she also looks like a tough girl. She looks like Drita from Mob Wipes. We all know Drita had hands. She was my favorite.

Speaker 1:

So 15 minutes in we have this scene where she and Craig Reardon are at. I suppose they're at the stables, but whatever you call the field that the horses run in, they're at that. Terry is sitting on the white fence and Reardon drives up. Terry is riding high off the no small. I think I call this horse everything. No small win, no small luck, no small virtues. Win at Tuscany Downs. It seems like gambling agrees with her. So Reardon comes up with a thermos and a denim jacket. He is so 80s. His hair is even flopped down a little bit. Looks like Johnny Lawrence from Karate Kid. I thought he was so cute.

Speaker 1:

I did Side note as I take a journey through vintage soap opera and I start remembering bits and pieces of movies. All the 80s movies, with the exception of Coming to America and a few others, are kind of a stew. Yeah, they all kind of run together. But one of the first memories I have of somebody getting a biblical beat down on TV was of Karate Kid, that whole scene in the lunchroom I think this happened on that movie I'm pretty sure we can probably all agree. I think millennials will agree.

Speaker 1:

With all teen movies there's usually at least one fight scene at some point. I don't know, I think it was karate kid, where he beats the brakes off of daniel son, don't he? Don't he knock him out like in a coma or something? I might. That might be a stretch, but dang, that was one of the first times I ever saw somebody get beat up on on tv and you would think it would have thwarted what my expectations would have been for high school. But it didn't at all. Like I just assumed that if I saw somebody wearing acid wash jeans and a weird head bandana that they meant no good. I guess this kind of folded into break into electric boogaloo. The bad guys and the good guys wear head bandanas, but there was always a chain, there was always a telltale sign. So I felt very comfortable in hoping that my high school experience was going to be a lot of fun and that I would easily be able to identify the douchebags. And yeah, I was. Luckily none of them wore denim and they weren't really a problem.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, back to the story. So Reardon is a little bit miffed that Terry took him so literally by allowing no small virtue to enter a horse race. When he said you can watch over the horse, he didn't mean put the horse on the horse racks, he meant like, just take care of it while I'm working. She ain't trying to hear that. She is in her Drita mob wife era and she says you know what? I will spend my dead doctor husband's money any way I see fit, and I see fit to do some little gambling with it, because this horse is money baby. This horse is going to make my money back. Also, if you come over here again bringing me coffee, don't bring me no damn black coffee. You better make sure it is cream and sugar with a splash of coffee in it. What am I? A freaking cowboy? Also, don't bring me anything filled with blueberries. Blueberries, give me a rash. Then she hops off the fence and walks off. Good for you, terry, put him in his place, and can we please stop trying to make fetch happen? I do not see a Reardon and Terry hookup. That was a one-time thing, but I do like her on this sort of this gambling bit. It looks good on her. All right, let's get to the main event.

Speaker 1:

So the show opens up with Maggie waiting outside the courtroom with her podcast podcast, with her podcast equipment. She has a tape recorder with a microphone attached and she's got it slung over her shoulders like a purse Brilliant. She is in her true crime podcast era and she's waiting patiently outside the courtroom hoping to get a word with Judge Holder. She's also eating the girls alive in this red cashmere suit and cream turtleneck. The judge, of course, has absolutely nothing to say. He walks by her with his bitter beard face and she's like dang. Okay, well, that didn't go well. It doesn't appear that everybody is at court. It seems like most of the gang is wherever else they need to be.

Speaker 1:

We get to see Angela at Falcon Crest. She is called and she tells Charlie oh, we need to get down to the courthouse because they have a verdict. A nervous woman on the jury stands up and she's clearly uncomfortable and the judge who's been paid off, mind you says well, do you have a verdict? And the lady goes I mean, no, not really. We're at a standstill. We just can't seem to come to an agreement. Six of us say yes, six of us say no. It is deadlocked. Nobody wants to budge.

Speaker 1:

Now, my many years of watching television and zero years of studying the law, I thought this would be called a mistrial and you could get a whole new trial, whole new jury. That's what I thought. I think Kim Kardashian said that one time, but I feel like I've seen enough lawyer TV shows where I thought that's how that worked. I'm not surprised when Reardon says well, okay, I motioned for a mistrial. The judge is like absolutely not, no way, uh-uh, no. Gladiator lady lawyer says the same thing. She's like no, there's plenty of evidence. They need to look over it again. They just take a little more time. Judge Holder is far more aggressive than gladiator lawyer lady in the way that he says it. He's like absolutely not. Y'all basically get back in that room. You better not come out without a verdict. He doesn't say guilty, but he all but says guilty. There's evidence, nobody is against, nobody is above the law, nobody gets to get away with things. You go back in that room and you figure out what the verdict will be. Even the other lawyer, the gladiator lawyer lady, looks like that seems that I mean he didn't say it, but he said it.

Speaker 1:

Reardon's looking funny, angela's looking funny and for whatever reason, on this episode, I allegedly, allegedly, allegedly believe, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly that Lorenzo Lama was high while he shot this. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly there's not a lot going on. He shot this Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly there's not a lot going on behind the eyes and for whatever reason, they made him look like Danny Zuko from Grease. He has a full-on bouffant. I just remembered he was in Grease, but he had the Justin Timberlake blonde. Do you remember that he was really stiff and weird? Maybe, but he had the Justin Timberlake blonde. You remember that he was really stiff and weird, baby, well, he I mean, he wasn't doing a lot this episode, other than just kind of looking glassy eyed Looked kind of hot.

Speaker 1:

Though Judge Holder says no, y'all get back in that room and come up with a verdict. Holder's also a basic bitch who can't sit with us, or at the very least, he who can't sit with us or at the very least he can't park with the rest of the judges. He leaves a courthouse and he has to cross traffic. He had to park across the street. That's how I know you ain't important. I ain't never been nowhere in my life where even the prince, like the principal, has a parking spot. Employee of the month, this will have to walk across the street. He didn't even have the the respect of his peers to park his land yacht in the same parking lot as him because he's a dirty guy and everyone knows it's all over his face. Well, luckily, him being persona non grata means he has to cross the street, which gives Richard an opportunity to hop out of a burgundy vehicle like hey, come here, come here, come here.

Speaker 1:

What's what? All this mistrial carrying on? Where's my verdict? The judge is like dude, I've done everything I can. I've all but said convict him. You got to get off my back. I've done my part. We're just like it's not good enough, you better be convicted. I paid you for a conviction. I was like look, it's out of my hands. Well, luckily, this little conversation goes on just long enough for Maggie and her killer red outfit to come out of the courthouse, she looks across the street and she's like is that Richard? That is Richard. Richard is the judge. Hmm, she doesn't quite know what to do with that right now, but she files it away in the back of her mind for later. Okay, this is what I see. Let me just see if anything comes of this. Since she's now a true crime podcaster this season, she deduces that something ain't quite right. Something will most likely come of that.

Speaker 1:

Richard's next order of a business is to turn the business he has with Cassandra Wilder into something pleasurable. He shuts down Tuscany Downs and he takes her there after dark. It's completely silent and no one else is there. So she's like oh okay, everybody's home. Oh, okay, oh. He's like yeah, well, I just wanted us to come here and talk. Would you like a cognac? Sure, she says he passes her a cognac and then he admits well, I didn't just bring you here to talk, I brought you here to do this. And he leans down to give her a kiss. She also rejects him now. Her rejection is quite different than emma's rejection of damon, aka reicher.

Speaker 1:

Emma wanted to be kissed by Damon. It is very obvious through her body language that Cassandra is weirded out in A, that she's there alone with him after dark and B, that he put the moves on her. She was like, oh my God, I can't, I can't. She runs off. And if you're watching it it feels like maybe she's not ready, like Emma. But I saw her look grossed out first. She just didn't want to do it and maybe this is all part of her plan. She said, oh, I'm so sorry, richard, I just can't, I just can't. She runs off and Richard is gobsmacked. He's like what the heck? That didn't work out.

Speaker 1:

Richard is in a unique position where he is good looking, he is very tall, he is very rich and he's somewhat charming. But there is still something a little bit off about him, something a little bit creepy, and it's like he is two sugar cookies away from some sort of episode that you don't want to be around, when he has Can't quite put my finger on it. He moves weird, he talks weird and the good looking part is what saves him. Plus he's tall, plus he's rich, but that ain't going to get you everywhere you need to get and it hurts. It hurts because, turns out, richard is actually quite lonely. His demivillian era is not a good one, it's not a social one.

Speaker 1:

Richard, this season has once again bad-guided himself into a lonely bed and an even lonelier home. He doesn't have the pitter-patter of co-ed feet from Lorraine because you know what she got pregnant with Lance's baby. He can't have that in his house. So now that's gone. He can't have that in his house, so now that's gone. He didn't hear the gentle swish, swish, swish swish of Leather Pants Pam coming in and out of his bedroom at his demand. That's no longer there, and after today didn't go well, there's no gentle click clack of kitten heels from Miss, a very, very lonely boy, cry me a caviar river.

Speaker 1:

So what does a successful, good-looking sort of loser at love man with means like his do? He calls a professional, as in a professional woman on his payroll his work wife, head of security and probably could be the love of his life if he could pencil that in between his toy soldier playtime. But he won't. He calls the only friend he has, miss Leather Pants Pam, to see if she can come over. Hey Pam, what you up to? I got a couple figures I'd like to go over. Would you like to come over? She goes. Oh, i'm'm sorry, richard, I'm a little busy, can I? We do it tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

Richard hears this and it's just unbelievable twice in one night, even from old faithful. Richard's already minuscule heart shrinks a little bit more and he has a realization. He he says you're not alone. She tells him she's not and she apologizes. But he rebukes her empathy. Don't pity me. Pam Hangs up before he can cry on the phone and, damn it, there's no one there to fetch him a glass of milk. Well, pity him, she does.

Speaker 1:

The company Pam is keeping is not a hot guy in her bed. It's one of those expensive cats, pam. Despite being thrown away by Richard time and time again at the first swish of some new heifer's hips, she still cares for him. So she humbles herself and she heads down to Falcon Crest to talk to Lorraine Next day. Of course she didn't get out of bed. She got that new, she got that expensive high dollar cat she got to take care of Plus, it's better company. She also dresses like the corporate, business casual version of Michael Jackson from the bad video. She left the chains at home, she decided to put on a fedora instead of letting her curls pop, and she tries to convince Lorraine to go back to Richard. Lorraine is pregnant. She is stressed. Her man may or may not be about to go to jail. She already don't want to live at falcon crest. She is not in the mood for this bull.

Speaker 1:

Now Angela is ear hustling from the other room and she hears Lorraine tell Pam, listen, richard is getting exactly what he needs to get. He got exactly what he wanted. You don't want no help. What he wanted, you don't want no help. Cool, he's not going to get it. You don't respect me, cool, I don't respect him. He wants to be all alone. Guess what? That's exactly what he gets. Cry me a caviar Ripper. I ain't going over there. Richard can kiss my entire behind. So Pam leaves and Angela comes grinning into the living room like a Cheshire cat.

Speaker 1:

Now Angela, since the top of this show, has been annoyed at Lorraine. Because Angela woke up that morning, or two mornings ago, the morning of the first verdict or non-verdict. She went to Lance's room and he wasn't in his room and she deduced that he was in Lorraine's room. And she's really pissed off. They continue to fornicate under her roof. She don't care about her already being pregnant. It's the principle of it. Keep it in your pants, keep it in your room, don't want to play in my face like I'm the bad guy Right now. Why are y'all paying rent around here? Anyway, she sees Lorraine and she's like well, well, well, talk your itch, lorraine. I didn't know, you had nothing in between your ears but your libido. Now, okay, that's an old lady thought I would think your libido would be on your trunk or lower, but if she feels like it's all in your head, I guess that's true. I guess that's partly true, at least for women. That's where it starts and that's where it starts. But at the top of the show Angela saw that Lance wasn't in his room and she was just kind of venting to Charlie how frustrated she was that her grandson and Lorraine continued to take the Primrose path.

Speaker 1:

I'm embarrassed to say that when I hear Primrose I think of the Hunger Games. Was her sister's name Primrose or was it just Prim? Whatever, I think of the Hunger Games and then I think of the word briar patch for some reason Not really sure why. I associate those two things together, but I had to look that up.

Speaker 1:

Primrose path is a path of exploring pleasure and whatnot. The pursuit of pleasure, especially when it seemed to bring disastrous consequences. This particular primrose path of a fornication has already done what it needed to do. I mean, I'm not saying like that's her house, she don't want them fornicating in her house, she don't want them fornicating in her house. You would think they'd have more than another. You know more homes on the property, but I guess julia burnt down the spring house. They can't go there, and chase and maggie are living in the castle.

Speaker 1:

Oh well, back to angela and lorraine. Before lorraine has an opportunity to rebuttal, the phone rings. It's the courthouse. Hey, you guys gotta get down here. Okay, angela hangs up. Hey, lorraine, get dressed. They're about to get you the verdict. So they run all the way down there. And anyway, um, he's guilty, found guilty in a court of law, and it sucks. Reardon looks so frustrated. He walks over to the gladiator lawyer lady and he goes. Well, there you have it.

Speaker 1:

I didn't appreciate this sentiment because she was just doing her job, just like he was just doing his job. He didn't want to represent Lance. You think she actually wanted to go against that? No, but you both are lawyers, you got lawyering to do and she looks a little she can't even enjoy her victory a little. She can't even enjoy her victory, like even she knows. Okay, this is I mean. I can't help it that I'm just that good, but I know I'm not that good like this. There's obviously something, there's a lot she's saying without saying the words and, yeah, now they got to figure out what they're going to do.

Speaker 1:

Angela, they all can reconvene the gang, that is, reconvene at angela's house or in the living room. She has chow lee put on a pot of tea and she goes. Don't even worry about it. I'm not giving up on this. But everybody in the room is kind of shocked. They're like don't you have all of the judges in the valley in your pocket? She's like I guess I missed one. I don't know how it happened, but I'll go down there tomorrow and talk to him See if we can work out tomorrow and talk to him see if we can work out. She does go to talk to the judge and he tries to sass her, but you could tell he's still scared.

Speaker 1:

He sits like he's holding in a fart. He's very uncomfortable or like he ate some bad cottage cheese. He's kind of squirming in his seat and this man gives me. I know he's an actor, but he's acting this role very well in real life. Let's say he wasn't an actor, he was an actual judge. He would be on Dateline so fast. We will be watching him. Circa 1997 and some horrible corruption, and he'd probably be like caught on a tropical island, just just dumb with, like his best friend's wife. He gives that vibe. Angela sort of thinks so too and she's like OK, I don't know what happened, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. He looks a little bit shook, but I mean, that's it, that's all.

Speaker 1:

Lance is going to have to do a little jail time. You would think this would be a major victory for Richard. However, he's not content to leave well enough alone and decides to go on the radio and take a heaping dump on an already badgered Lance. He goes on the air to talk about how justice was finally served and this bratty kid who lived with his grandmother and then tried to kill her is getting exactly what he deserves. He's entitled, he does. He's not above the law. Now he's going to do the hard time. And what a disgrace he is. It's just really horrible.

Speaker 1:

This pisses Maggie smooth off. She burst into his office to cuss him out in Maggie language you know she don't cuss and she's like okay, he's. He's going back and forth with her out in Maggie language you know she don't cuss and she's like, okay, he's going back and forth with her like Maggie, you're not a brother. She's like dude, you have been at this kid's neck for nothing, for something so trivial. You really are comfortable putting this kid in prison. And Richard's like no, you know, it's the law. He was, he had a fair trial. She goes.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no, you were the one who badgered me forever and ever and ever about being objective, about reporting the truth, about doing my job, but when it comes to you, you're above the law. Basically, everything you said about Lance is true about you. He's just kind of rolling his eyes. Did you come in here to scold me? She's like you know what? I didn't come here to scold you, but I did come here to ask you. What were you and Judge Holder talking about the other day? Y'all looked awfully comfortable with your little chatter, chatter, chitty. What happened? What was y'all talking about? He looks a little uncomfortable. He always looks uncomfortable. He doesn't really want to tell her. I just tried to get an interview, just like you, I couldn't do it either. Okay, now you're talking about what I can and can't do. Okay, bet she's got her podcast equipment on. She lets him know I am a true crime reporter and I'm a report what I find Richard, have the day you deserve she's going to get to this lowbrow, disgraceful, thinly veiled tantrum he's throwing.

Speaker 1:

Mags isn't the only person miffed by this unnecessary expose. Bad girl Melly Mel enters the chat. I call her bad girl Melly Mel on every episode and sometimes I forget that she is indeed a little bit villainous. So Melly Mel hears a radio expose from Richard and she drives to San Francisco to cuss him out. She too bursts into his office and demands that he just lay off Lance. She's like you're doing the absolute most. You know he's not guilty. Why do you need to keep doing all this? Now, I don't think she's still in love with Lance or anything like that, but just enough is enough.

Speaker 1:

Richard gently reminds her. He's like oh, hey, boo. Well, I mean, this is all technically your fault. Didn't you hire the coat king from Florida to burst into his house and mess him up? You're the one who paid him to frame Lance. I totally forgot that aspect In my mind.

Speaker 1:

I was only remembering that Richard had put the kid on a plane. I totally forgot how he fell into all of that information. So, yeah, he's right. Remember Lance had pissed off Melissa, I can't remember. He just said something slick one time too many and she hired Joel to basically go over there and beat him down like that kid from Karate Kid. Only, joel couldn't really do that, so he framed him instead. That was never the plan. This is how it went down and she's like damn. So.

Speaker 1:

As she's remembering this, she's obviously too stunned to speak. Richard says hey, well, I will walk your pretty little butt right into the police station. I'll be your friend, I'll walk in there with you and we can both tell them how you paid Joel McCarty to frame Lance. This is unfortunate. This is an unfortunate blow for bad girl Melly Mel. Now she has to humble herself sort of. She's not going to be that humble and mumble-ish under her breath as she walks out, because what can she say? What can she say? Besides, she also has another hush-hush situation that needs her attention. She has decided that after Dr Bitters told she and Cole that they were unfit parents, she decides she's going to find her own surrogate.

Speaker 1:

Now, mind you, her cousin Robin has shown up, and last time I talked about this show I said that Robin looked totally different than what I thought she was going to look like. I need to be a little bit more clear about that. Robin is not unattractive and it's not even that I expected her to be attractive. But it all sort of makes sense this episode. I think I was expecting Melissa's cousin to be another Agretti, meaning she's also sort of this wealthy girl coming in. I expected a glamour girl, kind of like Terry, when Melissa is soap opera glamour. This girl is just like regular pretty. She looks like she could literally be in any mall in America, any high school, any college in America in the 80s Not average, but regular looking, if that makes sense. Her demeanor, everything about her is kind of regular.

Speaker 1:

So she and Melissa are in Robin's room and Melissa's basically catching her up like okay, I can't have kids anymore, I want Cole to have one more kid. I think actually. No, that's not true. Let me rewind a little bit. Melissa and Cole were talking about it, talking about the baby and like how to get a baby in a surrogate situation at breakfast out on the terrace. Robin was coming down the steps and they were kind of loud so she heard everything and she wasn't like weird about it, she goes. I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, I couldn't help it over here. And so, melissa, once breakfast is over, they go to Robin's room to talk about it. That's where she's filling her in like okay, well, I can have kids and I still want Joseph to have a sibling. I want Cole to have another child. So we were going to go the surrogate route.

Speaker 1:

Now, this must be kind of a new thing at the time, or at least to Robin. Because Robin's like wait a minute, you would let him be with another woman. Melissa's like girl, absolutely not. This is all very medical, it's very scientific. The doctor's going to take care of everything. Ain't nobody helping nobody. Well, robin looks all kind of intrigued, as Melissa's like okay, this is what we're going to do.

Speaker 1:

We went through this agency. The agency said no, so I'm just going to put an ad in the paper, but I don't want to tell Cole Can you keep a secret? And Robin's like twin. Obviously I'm not going to say nothing, but like do you think about this? Y'all already have Joseph. He's both of your kids. Do you think Cole cares that much? Like she's being a cousin, she's being a good friend. Do you really think you need to do all this, especially now that you need to be secretive about it. Melissa's like yeah, I just, I just want to do this, so I'm going to put an ad in the paper. We're going to be very, very discreet, okay. So I watched this back again just to make sure I didn't miss anything.

Speaker 1:

I discovered this episode that Melissa is kind of a mean girl. She seems very self-absorbed in a way that I feel like an only child could be. No disrespect to any only children out there, but have you ever met someone who was an only child? Maybe they're raised by their grandparents, and I'm talking about a very specific brat. This is kind of a unpleasant personality. This kid is used to being the center of the tension in an unnecessary way, like if they have to cough, everybody has to come over. It's just kind of over the top. I don't know many people like this, but this is the vibe I'm getting Melissa.

Speaker 1:

So picture this. Cousin Robin is sitting on the bed, being normal and just kind of fully invested in this story. Her mouth's a little bit open like girl. Wait what she's listening to, melissa? Melissa is sitting in front of the vanity in Robin's room looking at herself in the mirror, sort of brushing her hair. Robin's room looking at herself in the mirror, sort of brushing her hair. Robin's like well, I mean, cousin, of course I'm not going to say anything, it's the least I can do for all that you have done for me.

Speaker 1:

Melissa looks back at her like what have I done for you? You mean all those hand-me-downs and clothes and stuff, ew, which is number one. Like ew, hand-me-downs are gross. Secondhand clothes gross, girl, I can't even believe you wore those. Her cousin's like well, when you're poor, like your, hand-me-downs are amazing, girl, you kept me fresh to death. I looked great. And Melissa's like you liked all those hand-me-down toys. Oh my God, I would be so pissed if someone gave me secondhand toys.

Speaker 1:

But she's looking at herself in the mirror as she's saying this stroke in her hair. She's like laughing, like it's a joke. It does not come off as wholesome and it doesn't seem like that'd be something you say to somebody you love. Robin is not offended. She's like well, I mean, like I said, I was poor, I didn't have anything. I used to love coming to your house and playing over here with you. I always thought you were so glamorous, you're like so beautiful and just glamorous, you had all these cool things. And Melissa's like, yeah, I'm going to put this ad in the paper Her even giving me a baby I hope it's a good baby Just totally blowing her off.

Speaker 1:

And it made me realize Melissa doesn't have friends. She has an audience. She doesn't really care for the connection. She needs somebody to bounce things off of. And yeah, you're a little poorer than me, robin. How silly of you to enjoy my hand-me-downs. Ew. But I mean ew. Melissa says girl, I would be, not only would I be disgusted if I had hand-me-downs, I would be so embarrassed. And Robin says well, I wasn't embarrassed, I just felt so lucky to be your cousin. This girl is so sweet, even if she is a little bit sweet on hold, she is a very sweet girl. Melissa's just kind of blind, she's ignoring her and I just thought what a hateful little wench Reminds me of this girl I went to school with. Let's call her Samantha. Samantha.

Speaker 1:

She wasn't an only child, so I guess that theory is a little bit shaky. But she was the youngest child, significantly Like she's 12, 13 years younger than her older siblings, who were all boys. She was in pageants as a little kid, just very gorgeous, really pretty. She kind of reminded me of do you remember the original Well, not original the nineties version of the version little rascals movie picture, like a Darla like that. She looked like that kind of well.

Speaker 1:

She was very bratty, like if you went to her house she would always be outside, kind of crying because nobody wanted to play with her and my best friend lived down the road for her. So sometimes my best friend's mom would be like hey, y'all go play with her and we'd be like okay, so we'd go and I mean she would be okay some days and then other days she would just be kind of demonic so we would leave. Well, I started thinking about this. It was very Mel-y, mel Like oh my gosh, I get everything new. I'm the best in this room. You guys had to come all the way down here. Her mom made us come and I'm a nice kid, like I was willing to play, but she was a little bit too much.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, when we got to middle school she got beat out a pair of Asics. We're telling the wrong girl. She had a mustache and let's be clear, asics were not popular at that time, but it's like our school had. They found a surplus of a bunch of shoes they had ordered in the 80s. You can look in the yearbook and you can tell like okay, that's when they found all those shoes because everybody had to wear them for like two, three years. She got beat up at her ASICs for calling that girl a mustachioed freak or whatever she said. Matter of fact, most of my memories from her in middle school is some sort of Jerry Springer lunge action upside her head. She was always talking slick, getting beat up. I think she chilled out by the time we got in high school.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, the kind of that bratty thing, self absorbed, and you need an audience to feel good about yourself. So Mel is self-obsessed but Robin is still just admiring her. She's lucky to be her cousin, but you can tell Robin is sort of cooking up something. So as the show progresses, melissa starts getting weird responses from the paper. People want to give her a whole basketball team and she's like nah, I didn't say all that.

Speaker 1:

So Melissa's sitting in front of the mirror, their camera keeps panning back and forth between the two of them and Melissa starts to say I just I wonder if we're ever going to find someone. Robin tells her well, what? If? Why don't you ask one of your friends why don't you ask someone closer, someone like in the valley? Melissa's like that's the last thing I would ever do. But as the camera pans back and forth, melissa's like I would like someone. Maybe I should get someone with my coloring. That way the baby will look like me and you start to go back and forth, back and forth. It clicks. I think that was a pull point.

Speaker 1:

The audience is supposed to see that she and Melissa do look quite a bit alike. They kind of have the same nose. You have the same color hair, same color eyes. Their features are very similar and this makes sense since they're cousins. It would appear that either seems like their moms are sisters, since robin is not wealthy. So this is kind of okay. They don't get, they don't come to that conclusion. By the end of the show, melissa isn't like hey, cousin, would you be my surrogate? That doesn't happen. But the seed is planted and robin is sort of slowly steering the conversation that way. That's what it feels like to me.

Speaker 1:

Last but not least, and perhaps the most salacious part of this episode, miss Connie Giannini. Miss Connie Giannini is a con and a little bit of a meanie when she starts talking about sparkling wine. So it is very obvious to anyone watching that she has a huge donor for Chase Gioberti. I mean, how could she not? Connie G takes her champagne very seriously and we learned through this episode that she's kind of that girl when it comes to champagne. She's learned, she's been in France, she's been in Rome, she's been all over Europe perfecting her craft, and she took the job not only because she has a hots for taste, but she likes what she does. So when she gets in that zone, she's in that zone. She's taking sort of this inventory of falcon crest and she discovers that although the wine, or, excuse me, the sparkling wine, is good, it is not great. It is not on the level of the falcon crest wine Formula's a little off. You know what I'm saying? A little bit too much yeast or whatnot. So when she's explaining this to Chase, who is sort of I feel like he's feeling her too he seems a little bit enamored, but he's also sort of in awe of her genius when it comes to doing this particular task. But when she's talking to Chase, she's all duvet eyes and slow hands and throaty voice. Oh, chase, this is such a privilege, privilege. It's so wonderful to work for you. I just love champagne. I think there might be a little bit of yeast in it. I think we can work it out.

Speaker 1:

She's very seductive not so much with cole, who has, to my surprise, not been filled in on connie's new role. So I think he knew she was going to work there. He didn't know she was going to be doing this. So Cole is taken aback or blindsided, depending on who you talk to, by Connie's new position at Falcon Crest. The whole sparkling wine slash champagne thing was supposed to be his thing. He's been working on it. They've got sales. It's doing fine. But he's a little sensitive when Connie comes at him with her new suggestions because it would mean if they stop making it the way they're making it now and they rearrange the yeast or whatever, it's going to take an additional six months of fermenting time. So they are kind of getting into it.

Speaker 1:

I will say this Connie is very loud and I don't want to use the word aggressive because I think that's always kind of thrown out there too soon. These are two people passionate about a topic, having a conversation. Now she is loud, she is talking with her hands. These are two grown people. They're expressive. And she's like I'm telling you this is that she's very loud, though that's the point I'm trying to make. She's like I want to make the changes to the bottles you already have. It's good, but it ain't great. You want weak stuff. You want great stuff. And cole's like I'm not about to pour out every bottle I've already created and wait an additional six months absolutely not.

Speaker 1:

Well, chase hears this and he comes running around the corner. He's like what the heck's going on? Cole's like yo, she's talking about too much yeast. This crack open bottles that she's trying to do all that. You know she wanted to change the whole formula immediately. I'm not going to do that right now. So him and Chase are talking.

Speaker 1:

Connie, as soon as Chase comes into the room, she just kind of shrinks down and slinks off. Now, this is my opinion. It seems to me like she's playing victim just a little bit, or maybe she's embarrassed because she didn't realize that Chase heard her. But she slinks on out of the room and Chase continues to talk to Cole. He's like listen, I trust you, you're doing a great job, but if we want the best, we're going to listen to the best. That's why we hired her. She's just not some boho off the street. She knows what she's talking about.

Speaker 1:

Well, a little later on in the episode we find out that Connie has resigned from her position because she didn't want to come between Cole and Chase. She doesn't want to come between this family and she's so sorry. And I'm like lady what, you had a come on, you had a conversation, you were not breaking up families. But I guess she can also kind of sense that Cole feels a way about her being there. Well, when Cole hears this, he's like well dang, I mean, I wasn't trying to, I didn't want that to happen, I just didn't imagine how would you feel and I'm kind of with him this episode. I don't think he was immature, I don't think he overreacted. How would you feel if you didn't know someone was coming in to basically assist you with your job? Only they told you okay, this could be good, we just have to redo everything and it's going to take twice as long as it normally takes. You'd feel a way. Well, he's able to make it right. Cole decides you know, he's still on his. I'm a big boy, I'm gonna listen to my dad. Let me go make this right. He's able to talk to Connie'm a big boy. I'm gonna listen to my dad. Let me go make this right. He's able to talk to Connie, she's a reasonable woman and they decide to come back. So I hope they've got that out of the way.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes, when you work on something passionate, you can have a difference of opinion. It's all in the way you say stuff. It's okay. As long as I think, as long as you know someone's heart is like I'm not taking a dump on your work. I am basically saying I know it's close, baby, we can get it there. And Cole, once Cole hears that, like okay, you're not saying I suck, you're just saying okay, you have tricks of the trade that I was not privy to. So what you hear, we're going to kill it, we're going to do what we're going to do.

Speaker 1:

Well, angela hears this, hears about you know this new champagne and that Connie now works there. So she goes down to the wine house with Lance and she's probably just turning over a little bit of a new leaf because she realizes Lance is about to go to jail. She needs to make sure that their lives are running smoothly. So she calls Chase over. She's like nephew, how you doing baby? Is there anything I can do for you.

Speaker 1:

And Chase is taking him back because he was immediately thinking she was there to talk-ish and he's like what do you mean? She said listen, I heard that Connie is going to be working on the champagne line and I'm here to tell you. You have my approval. He's like oh, you, okay, where's a candid camera? What are you saying? She's like no, no, no. Basically, she tells him, now that there is an actual expert with that, I don't mind the Falcon Crest name being placed on bottles of something from someone of her caliber I expect. Like that's what I expect. I also expect you to keep an eye on her, to watch her like a hawk. So I don't know if she's implying you need to learn this too, but you better not mess this up for us, because this is going to bring in a whole lot of new money. We can increase production. Yeah, let's do this.

Speaker 1:

So he's taking them back like oh my God, angela, for real. She's like yeah, like, yeah, baby, just whatever you need, let me know you got it. He's like oh my god, well, yeah, totally, I'll tell you that I will. Well, she smiles at him and I remember thinking, oh my gosh, angela, it really is so pretty. Then I saw um, maybe a day or so ago I saw some other pictures of her from back in the day. Jane Wyman was gorgeous, stunning, stunning, stunning and I'm definitely going to jump into a couple of films. She is so stunning and such a good actress on the show One of my favorite characters that I'm adding her to my Barbara Bel Geddes list. These are Oscar winners. I'm going to watch their films here pretty soon.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so this is where one of the bit players falls into this storyline too. So Cassandra is in San Francisco having dinner with some guy who owns some sort of like food company, slash wine company, something like that, and she's like have you ever heard of Falcon Crest? I think that they could handle. Your heard of Falcon Crest? I think that they could handle your. Um, they can handle the manufacturing of your product. He goes yeah, I've heard of that, I've had Falcon Crest. That's a huge winery in California. But like, do they have the manpower? Can they do all that? Are they financially stable enough to take on my business? Cassandra's like, well, I mean, even if they're not, lenders are going to be tripping over themselves because it's falcon crest, like they're. I mean, they're worldwide, they're good.

Speaker 1:

I don't really understand what she's pulling here, but we did learn on this episode too, that she is wealthy. She has a 32-story building in Manhattan that she needs to sell. I don't know why she would try to what. What it feels like. It feels like she's trying to overload Falcon Crest in an effort to financially devastate Angela. Is that what's going on? Why does this sound like Dynasty? Because there is nothing new under the sun, but that's what it feels like she's doing. I'm not really 100% clear on that.

Speaker 1:

I listened to the episode and I reviewed it again, and the thing that stood out to me the most is that Cassandra's not drinking wine. She is drinking watered down Diet Coke. I know this for a fact because every teacher I've ever had in elementary loved themselves a Diet Coke, and I had one in particular who would pour it in a glass instead of using those like plastic cups. They used to sell that the old yetis you know what I'm saying. Before everybody figured out metal was better, they had like those plastic cups and they were huge and there were no cup holders you could put those. In matter of fact, I have one in my cabinet. Nowhere to hold. You have to just kind of hold it around like a baby cup, like an adult sippy cup.

Speaker 1:

Anyhow, cassandra's got something up her sleeve, but that has nothing on what miss connie giannini has up hers. So she's working late into the night, I'm assuming, and chase, who's still just sort of enamored with her mind, comes down to the wine house and he sees her. She didn't even have a proper office, it's just kind of a room off to the side. Well, he comes in to shut everything down and she is still working diligently on this new yeast ratio, whatever. So she's like oh my gosh, chase, I'm just working so hard, my shoulders, shoulders, I'm in. So, oh my God, I'm so stiff. Well, him being a gentleman and this is long before the sexual harassment laws, that's the proof he puts down his clipboard and he walks right over. Mind you, she wants him to harass her sexually, actually Not the harass part, but just the sexual part. So he starts rubbing her down and he's like oh, like, oh, I gotta not here, I gotta get this shoulder.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, if you notice, I started to whisper, but yes, I got embarrassed. I'm listening to this at regular volume. My family's home. She is moaning and groaning and the way I was in paris. I was mortified. I'm like got these people in here. Don't tell her what my family thinks I'm watching she was doing the most.

Speaker 1:

Oh Chase, oh Chase, you can keep this up all night. He gets a little uncomfortable by that, but not uncomfortable enough because he stops. It's very clear she's fully turned on. He stops and he walks kind of off to the side and he's like well, hey, hey, hey, listen, he's still smiling. He doesn't make her feel uncomfortable. Why don't you? Um, you know, don't, don't stay up too late, basically. But I watched his face. I watched this probably three times. The second or third time, second or third time it was on mute and lest I'd be embarrassed, I think he was kind of into it. I say that because after he leaves, I mean he's uncomfortable with all the moaning and when she tells him that he can keep that up all night, he just kind of gives her the one-two dad pat and leaves. But he goes home and he puts on his pinstripe pajamas and he takes Maggie down right there in the bed. Maggie also sleeps at a horrible angle, but that's neither here nor there, because he made sure to get in them drawers.

Speaker 1:

I hope he was not thinking about Connie. This is why we tell the children to play outside or out of sight, because sometimes we're going to talk about grown men and women things. I think he did. I think he was totally thinking of Connie. I got a problem with this. I got a problem with this. I have a problem with this, but not nearly as big a problem as I thought, maybe because I don't think it'll really happen. All right, that's the end of Falcon Crest. What did you think? Oh my God, no, no, no, that's not the end of Falcon Crest. Look at me getting all distracted by the aviator Adonis. To me getting all distracted by the aviator Adonis.

Speaker 1:

So after him and Maggie have a ruckus night of lovemaking, they have to go to the courthouse the next day because cousin Lance is going to be convicted. He seems unbothered. He also looks like he kind of wants to tomahawk kick somebody's head off. Well, judge Holder, has he just the audacity to look this young man in the eye, knowing full well he's probably not guilty? The evidence was flimsy at best. He demands to know if Lance has anything to say for himself. Lance, after a pregnant pause, says well, I'm going to say the same thing I've been saying I'm not guilty and I won't rest until I prove that, even if it takes the rest of my life. Mind you, he's going to go to prison, to the clink, to the penitentiary, as my mama says.

Speaker 1:

The judge continues to lay it on really thick. You are a danger to this community. You are a menace to society, and the good people of this county deserve so much better. You're going to prison for seven years. Audible gasp in the courtroom Whoa, what, no, what it was wild.

Speaker 1:

Reardon walks back over to a gladiator lawyer lady and says, carolyn, that sentence was far too harsh, as if she the one who did it. She looks at him and she goes. Well, that's why you should file an appeal, as in, you know what to do. File an appeal, greg. File a freaking appeal. Well, you think we just leave the rest of this episode in peace, but that can't be. Lance has to be dramatically escorted out of the courtroom. He does, mind you picture all this with Danny Zuko hair and a um brown suit. So, as the bailiff is dragging Lance out, lorraine's like Lance, how you have bad acting with one word. And he turns around with that Danny Zuko hair and she's looking at him and she gasps a couple times. It was terrible, it was awful, but we ended on that note End scene Going to prison, to jail, for something you didn't do.

Speaker 1:

It's not funny, oh my God. That's not funny at all. But this is a soap opera, so I have a hunch. With at least five episodes left, somebody will come up with something. Plus, if Lance's mother could shoot at the cops, burn down a spring house and then burrow herself underground like Sonic the Hedgehog and come up unscathed Mind you, she did all this dress like a nun. Just picture that. And his dad can skip town, have a whole nother family in San Francisco and still manage to be Rashida Med on Dynasty. I think Lance is going to be fine. I have no reason to worry about him. Well, all right, guys, that's it, that's all. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Soap Floor. I know I did Remember.

Speaker 1:

You can always reach out to me. Oh, I totally forgot Fannin over there. We'll catch up next time. You can, totally. You can reach out to me in the show notes if you're listening on a mobile device. If you're not, don't worry about it. You can do it the old fashioned way, which is now email. You can email me at SoapLorePodcast, that's S-O-A-P-L-O-R-E-P-O-D-P-A-S-T. Emailcom. Love hearing from you guys and I promise I'll always get back to you. In the meantime, in between time, stay away from the primrose path, lest you end up in jail for seven years because you pissed off your not-so-baby mama by calling her a whore one too many times. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all your drama on TV.