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S3 Ep16 Knots Landing: Silver Shadows-The "I'm Loudly Judging With My Side Eye & Silence" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 295

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If you've ever wondered about the blurred lines between opportunity and opportunism, "Silver Shadows" delivers a masterclass in navigating relationship dynamics when wealth, age, and attraction collide.

When Abby Cunningham catches the eye of aging Hollywood director Andrew Douglas, who believes she's the spitting image of his long-dead love Terry Clarington, what begins as curiosity quickly evolves into a mutually beneficial arrangement. Andrew showers Abby with priceless gifts while she provides companionship and the nostalgic echo of his lost love. But as Gary and others question her motives, we're forced to consider: who's really taking advantage of whom?

The episode brilliantly parallels modern controversies about relationships between wealthy older men and younger women, reminding us of figures like Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall. Through Andrew's character – a once-influential artist now trapped in a body that's failing him – we witness the poignant reality of aging creative minds and their search for meaning in their final chapter.

This isn't just about gold-digging or exploitation; it's about agency and dignity. As Andrew directs his own death scene with cinematic flair, we're reminded that everyone deserves the right to make their own choices until the end, questionable as they might seem to others. Meanwhile, subplots exploring Karen's budding relationship with Larry (who initially pursued Abby) add delicious layers to the neighborhood dynamics.

Ready to dive into this vintage primetime gem that tackles issues still relevant today? Listen now and join our discussion about how we view relationships, aging, and autonomy. Text us your thoughts or email soplorepodcast@gmail.com to share your take on this captivating episode!

Speaker 1:

I'm really tired of eating Diana's dry food. I'm finna. Go have me a good time. She's been dead long enough. It's time for me to start showing out a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to SoFlor, the official gathering place for newbies, novices and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime and OG diehard fans of the golden age of primetime. I'm your host, jett, still viewing and reviewing the Sophia Sezia's primetime storylines of 1982. That's right, we're back on the West Coast, about to get into a little vintage film noir. I don't think I have to put all those words together, but I just did so. Sit back and enjoy. Tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. Tell they have no questions, suggestions or concerns for the next 25 to 45 minutes. Ha, everyone else in the air shot. Be cool, be quiet or you will be put out. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Soap Lord. What's up party people? Welcome or welcome back to another fun television of Soap Lord. Hope your day is shaping up fantastically.

Speaker 1:

I have no complaints. I messed around, made myself a delicious hydrating concoction after almost passed out in this heat, and I hope you are taking care of yourself as well. You know, the older I get, the more I start to appreciate the little things in life, not just, you know, smiles from people you love, not warm embraces from people you love or away from a stranger. I'm talking about treating yourself. Can we normalize buying yourself a piece of jewelry because you want to not like oh, I earned this. It doesn't matter if you did or not. Are you using your money? Even if you're not, even if you are proudly slamming down a gift card from your grandma for your birthday baby, do it with pride. I started to realize, maybe a year or two ago, that a lot of my friends, a lot of my girlfriends, are always in this position to well, you know, I can go on this trip. I'm just going to say don't explain why you need to save and snip and do the things. Go because you want to go. You owe no one an explanation as to why you are going to enjoy a nice thing for yourself and, dare I say it, that might just be the theme of today's episode. So go ahead, grab yourself something bubbly and bright, pour it up and let's jump into season three of Knott's Landing. We're back on the West Coast. This episode is called Silver Shadows. Season three has proven to be a little bit more of a hodgepodge, but again it makes sense. If you're just talking about a random neighborhood in middle America, it's not middle America, it's on the West coast. You're talking about mid tier wealth, late century in SoCal. There we go, that's how we're going to frame this. I'd also like to tell you a little story, a little lore, from my great state of Texas, about a young girl from Mahea. So get comfortable as we jump into a vintage primetime soap opera about film noir presence and having your cake and eating it too.

Speaker 1:

First piece of fan mail is just a quick little line from Amy in Arizona I think Amy might have written in before she sent a text this time and she just says shout out to those desert kid burns. I have at least three on one arm from my elbow accidentally touching a buckle in our 87 Chevy and I still give them to this day. Amy, I hear you and, dare I say it, I feel like back in the day maybe I was just more conscious of it. I was more conscious of where the seatbelt was, what side of the car you got into, but I felt like that still happens now, like I'll just get comfortable and forget because my windows are tinted. Yeah, and don't let this desert sun catch you slipping, or don't even let a warm day catch you slipping. That seatbelt burn is something vicious.

Speaker 1:

Fellowial marcus from dallas writes that he grew up knowing all about dallas but didn't actually watch it until he was around 10 or 11 years old when his grandmother insisted one summer that he sit through her entire box set with her. He's like for the first time in my life I fell in love with some stories. I still technically watch stories and he puts wrestling is in parentheses and he wants to know if I ever got into watching wrestling as a kid and, if so, who were my favorites. Also, what was your after school television? I guess he means what was my favorite show to watch after school TV. I said that so backwards Y'all know what I'm saying After school TV. Okay, thank you so much, marcus. Shout out to your grandma for putting you onto these earlier.

Speaker 1:

It sounds like she was a little bit of a super fan and I can only imagine living in Dallas. How fun that was. Anybody living in Dallas or Denver specifically, I wonder how exciting that would be. Of course I have family in both and I had no idea that Dynasty was from Denver. I just thought about that. My mom was still living in Denver when this show came out, so I don't know how this has never come up in casual conversation or maybe it's one of those things. I just didn't realize what they were talking about because up until three years ago I had no clue what the show was about other than a few memes.

Speaker 1:

Okay, first question, marcus, let's see, I'm going to go ahead and answer the programming or afterschool TV shows. So for a long time my dad was very serious about not watching too much TV, love for us to read books and stuff my books, but I liked watching TV. So when it was monitored, when we were very, very little, I'm sure it was like PBS, reading Rainbow, stuff like that is coming to mind. Like I can kind of remember watching Sesame Street and some sort of cartoon, a sort of blurry. As I got older I would watch maybe the Simpsons, sometimes Designing Women. It just kind of depended on whose house I was at. My grandma picked us up. My grandma lived right next door to my aunt. My aunt's kids were older, so I could watch whatever I wanted and I think I would just watch whatever was on. So it was probably still Designing Women. I think the Simpsons eventually came on later on. I don't remember there being a lot, but I can tell you I used to watch Saved by the Bell before school and sometimes Family Matter. There we go. I'd watch like Family Matters. Gosh, I'm trying to remember what else. Sorry, I didn't answer that a little better, but I watched a lot of Designing Women. I used to like Lifetime Intimate Portraits.

Speaker 1:

The more I'm saying this I think I'm just making an excuse that I chose to watch old people shows, even when I have the opportunity not to. That's what I'm gathering from this, because yes, there was TGIF Friday, but that wasn't right after school. That was like way later in the day, right, that didn't come until like after seven, if it was between 3 30 and like 7 pm. I'm watching an old lady show. I'm watching man. I made old lady choices.

Speaker 1:

As far as wrestling goes, you better believe it, as a kid loved me, some like triple a. I remember the rock came out. Um bret hart edge. What's his name? Um randy orden oh, my gosh. Yes, let's see, I still peek from time to time. I like roman reigns. I like the uso twins. I think they have different names. Now I watch ww, the, the divas of wrestling, so so of course I like those girls. Yeah, I'm a fan of wrestling and I see what you're doing there.

Speaker 1:

Wrestling is your stories. I totally agree with that, 100%. The drama, the injury, oh my gosh, chyna yes, I remember Chyna and there wasn't as many women then. I can remember being very, very young and my cousin loved Hulk Hogan, macho man, randy Savage I can remember his like toys, so it all kind of runs together, man. Thank you so much for listening, marcus. I hope you enjoy. All right, guys, that's enough jaw jacking. You ever just wake up and be like dang. I look good today. Hair sitting right, outfit fits properly. You just are kind of feeling yourself. This may or may not have been the case morning of this particular episode of non-slanding called silver shadows.

Speaker 1:

At the top of the show we see Abby Cunningham minding her business in some little boutique store or some store I don't know if it's a boutique or not, so abby is just shopping when she's approached by this man asking her size four body to try on some pajamas for his mama, specifically robes. He has this big furry, salmon colored robe first and abby's like I don't work here. He goes, I know, but you look like you're the right size, you better fork. It's just like, yeah, I am actually. So she tries on the robe, which turns into another, which turns into another. I feel like this is God's way of telling me I need to go ahead and make the purchase. There are so many robes sitting in my basket right now. I need to go ahead and make it happen.

Speaker 1:

Dynasty made me want one. Falcon Crest, let me know I needed one. Oh can. Cress, let me know I needed one. Oh my gosh, they're so glamorous, so gorgeous on here.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, abby tries on all the clothes he asked, including this little nightie. Now she calls it lingerie. I think by today's standard it is quite demure. But it would be a spaghetti strap silk sleeper. Now she don't know this is for his mama at this point. So after he buys all this, she does ask you know it's just for your girlfriend. He doesn't know it's for. She's like you buy your mama lingerie? He's like no, no, no, it ain't like that. I suppose the rest of their morning goes well. It just occurred to me now that Abby is shopping while she's on the clock. Am I judging her? Absolutely not. I've done that so many times. But I know she's on the clock because meanwhile at Knott's Landing Motors, karen is finishing up with this wealthy older gentleman in his Gotham City villain car and his chauffeur.

Speaker 1:

It's more of an aristocratic car, he's very rich, you can tell. The chauffeur is wearing a hat. They're older gentlemen. He has on gloves and a full penguin suit in the California heat. His car keeps confusing me though. Just picture 1925 car right, let's go 1930.

Speaker 1:

It appears like the middle part is missing in some scenes and other scenes. It doesn't Like straight on. It doesn't look like anything's wrong or it's not wrong, it's just designed that way. But when you see him talking, like when the chauffeur gets out and he opens the door to allow him in or out, the carriage itself seems to be very, very small, almost like a confessional booth almost. But then you can see the drivers. You can see the steering wheel in some scenes. I don't know if it's a reflection off the glass, but it looks like you can almost remove the middle and allow the sun to rest on what exactly? I don't know. Y'all watch it for yourself. I'm sure I'm not explaining this right. It's weird.

Speaker 1:

This gentleman is telling Karen about his not so fun diet, his death proof diet, which basically means no meat, no sugar, no fun. And as he's talking about it, abby arrives with the mama's boy in a green two seater beater. Because, poor paint job or not, abby don't drive. If she don't have to touch a wheel, she ain't going to do it. Moneybags McClure, whose government name is Andrew Douglas, director extraordinaire of Ago, is like wow, who's that? Karen's like oh, that's Abby Cunningham. Abby Cunningham. He's like wow Now, some people say a lot, some people don't say much. Some people's face says a lot. His chauffeur, henry's face, says a lot. Henry seems to be kind of giving side eye, rolling his eyes a little bit, like he already. He's seen this scenario play out more times than a little bit.

Speaker 1:

So the next thing we see is Abby goes into the into North Landing Motors after her fresh shopping spree and she can hear Gary talking about the gas haul situation. Well, karen wants to come in and tell her like girl, guess who's got a crush on you? Old man Rivers, back there, is looking at you. But Abby can't hear because Gary who's, by the way, still wearing JR's safari jacket, is talking about. He needs some gas to haul money. Twenty thousand dollars for gas to haul money this is starting to sound like a pipe dream, gary. It sounds like a money pick, gary, every time we turn around there's an issue. Now this isn't Abby saying that. This is good old Jep, so Abby's dealing with that. She didn't actually hear Karen tell her that this old director of a Go has a crush on her.

Speaker 1:

So later on that day, I suppose, or it could be the next day there's not really any specifics to let me know. Abby and Olivia are unloading groceries from the back of their automobile in their driveway at their home. Moneybags McClure, aka Andrew Douglas, director extraordinaire, and his chauffeur come pulling up Chauffeur, hops out of the driver's seat, walks around to the car. Mind you, I just said Abby and Olivia are unloading groceries right, which means they have their arms full. He looks at Abby and he goes ma'am, could you come here? Bruh, I'm okay, abby is unbothered.

Speaker 1:

Abby is remarkable when the guy in the store that morning I guess it's morning, I just realized she says well, this is twice in a day. When the guy, larry, that morning asked her to try on clothes, she didn't blink twice about it. She was like okay, sure I don't work here. He goes, I know, cool, I'm a size four. When the chauffeur and the old man told her to come to the car, she was like sure, chauffeur opens the door. Hi, madam Abby Cunningham, I'm Andrew Douglas.

Speaker 1:

Would you do me a favor? Now, in 2025, if an old man in an old car with a chauffeur opens a door and he's in a very small cabin. Chauffeur opens a door and he's in a very small cabin, I mean, I'm not saying anything could happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if that door opened and I could see his elderly knees and, um, unpainted leg. I can only imagine what he wanted to show her. Luckily, perverts weren't here yet back of a day, an old man could just be an old man.

Speaker 1:

He says says, could you do me a favor? And he cracks open a Julia Roberts beauty box and he's like could you try on this very expensive, rare couture, vintage jewelry, my dear? You know, it's real right, I don't do costumes. She's like sure, I'll try it on in my purple sweats, no problem. Now, if that happened to me, I'd be like God, my booty was really bouncing today. I just must be killing. I don't know what I did. I don't know if it's oil of the lay, I don't know if it's the dusting powder, but Abby's scent is out there. She's like absolutely, she tries it on.

Speaker 1:

And this is when the old man reveals his intentions. No, he didn't want to show her his favorite body part. He thinks she looks just like this woman he used to know, terry Clarington. Now, don't that sound familiar? Mind you, this is 1982, same year the Dynasty comes out. Terry Clarington was a silent star back in the 20s. And man, abby, you look just like her. She's like oh, ok, that's sweet, thank you, this necklace is gorgeous. He goes. Why don't you go on and keep it? I sure couldn't take it back after I've seen it on your gorgeous neck. She's like well, don't mind if I diddly do, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Old man, money bags. He drives off and Olivia and her, just like girl, you see this, look how beautiful. I wonder if Olivia thinks, if olivia thinks herself dang, am I gonna be a baddie like her? If I'm gonna be like aunt karen, I hope I'm a baddie like my mama, because this free jewelry and stuff. I want to just be unloading groceries and old men drop off money to me too. I'll take it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I can describe the car better for you now. So imagine, like a general sedan, you have the back seat, you have the front seat and nothing separates that it's all under one roof. Well, he seems to have some sort of tri-car. I don't know if that's what it is called properly, but he has his seat, which is in the very back. The middle is open or removed so that there's space. So I guess if he had other guests they could ride in the middle and have their own personal conversation. And then the drivers in the front. This feels like old money, this driving. You don't want to talk to the help at all at all. You put a whole balcony in the middle of your car and let those people talk, and then you sit in the way way back, make sure your chauffeur come around and let you out. Now this doesn't for the work, the working class, the blue collar family, because children will be jumping out of the middle. You can't pass things back properly. It's a whole thing.

Speaker 1:

I'm also excited to report that in this scene, right after he leaves, abby is looking at olivia like girl. Look at your mama. This, this how you be a bad baby girl. This is how you do it. She's touching the necklace, but in the background I can see the beautiful camper Shout out to my new friends, bob and his Jupiter. Oh my gosh. So I got an email about the crystal air place and we tried to do this over text, but when you see me in text through the show note, it doesn't allow you to send pictures, which is a bummer. But, um, I got sent a video by jupiter driving through the cul-de-sac. Oh my gosh, I love it so, so much. It makes me so happy. It's like, oh my god, this is a real, this is a real place.

Speaker 1:

Once I finish this show, I want to go back. I really, really, really need to understand their shooting schedule. Or, if I get to ask Violene and myself that's going to be my only question that I got to run out of the room. Oh gosh, decisions, decisions, decisions. Remember, you can send me a text. You just check the show notes if you're listening on your phone, your iPad or whatever. You can check the show notes and send them there. Send me a text link. Or you can send me an email to soplorepodcast at gmailcom. That is, s-o-a-p-l-o-r-e-p-o-d-c-a-s-t at gmailcom. Well, the good times keep on rolling. What a day, what a day.

Speaker 1:

Abby is a brand new owner of a very old necklace and she met a little cutie this morning. Her cutie's name is Terry Larry I just made that up. There's too many rhyming names. His name is Larry. Larry is 42. He's an engineer. He travels a lot. Hopefully he flies. Just because he has a green beater with a poor paint job Doesn't mean it's not a good car. Just leads me to believe he didn't have a lot of time for that. But I mean, he's an engineer, he can definitely afford it. Anyway, we're learning about Larry because he comes over that night for a little nightcap. Him and abby are booed up on the couch. He wants to know everything. Are you irritable? Do you hate junk mail? Blah, blah, blah. She's like yep, yep and yep. Do you like me? He asked yeah, I like you, I like you, I like you a lot.

Speaker 1:

Well, the very next morning Abby arrives at work, I'm assuming after a shopping spree and somebody gave her a ride, only to find part of the office just filled with all those gorgeous flora. Somebody cleared out a flower shop and had it sent to Abby. Now abby's thinking it's larry like oh my god, my engineer, he must really want to be with me, reads a card, turns out it is from andrew, director andrew. He wants her to have lunch with him. So, uh, yeah, quickly, larry's put on the back burner. So you got to think about this.

Speaker 1:

She has the options here. She's got an old man with old money who thinks she looks just like his old flame, and then she's got this new guy. Well, our girl's got to have options, right, she goes ahead and she takes him up on lunch. She goes to Andrew's house and it is all every bit as fabulous as you would think a director of his caliber's house would be. It's huge. He's giving her a tour in every room and she seems like she's kind of into it. He's a man who's lived a long and very interesting life doing sort of iconic things, so he has a lot of stories. He's like oh, this was sent here, this is from this. Then there's this big oil painting on the wall of his paramour. She didn't look like Abby to me at first glance, but it really is all in the eyes once they zoom in a little bit. Later he tells her yes, this is Terry, she was painted by Gia Berti.

Speaker 1:

Now I'm starting to think wait a minute, these are a lot of coincidences. All these names are matching up. Did somebody from Falcon Crest look at this, write down a couple names and then create a story after this? Maybe, maybe not. You got to remember before like 19, let's say 1957, there were only like eight names in rotation. I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean. For instance, would Chase G Birdie's dad's name be Jason? I doubt that this man would have been born in like 1920. How many 100-year-old Jasons do you know? None. Would his name be Chase? Not a chance.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, abby is enjoying her time, but you can't help but notice Henry, the mother butler slash chauffeur, is in the background, still not saying anything, but his judgment is so loud. Abby's being really kind and engaging and they decide it's time to sit down and have a little tea. So Henry is watching silently and very loudly, judging her. Meanwhile her 42 year old boo shows up to non-slanding motors looking for her. He tells karen that abby told him she would kick his teeth in if he didn't come buy a new car. So that's what he showed up to do. Karen's like well, listen, I ain't gonna turn down nothing but my collar. Why don't you come? Look at this blue coupe. It's very cute, very suitable for taking out little fast women. We're probably going to leave you in the next episode or so.

Speaker 1:

Back at the mansion, andrew and Abby are having a good old time. Henry brings out this really gorgeous, really kind of over the top sterling silver tea set. Andrew tells Abby it was a gift from Jack Barrymore, as in Drew Barrymore's great-great-grandpappy or something like that. Anyway, andrew's having a good time. He's enjoying getting to tell these stories to a new person. He looks at Henry and tells him to scram skedaddle. Abby's going to pour my tea.

Speaker 1:

Now I suppose this is some sort of honor, but it feels like a lot of work to me Again, different times. I don't know how this works it seems like it's probably an honor. Now Henry doesn't sass him, he doesn't say anything, but the look on Henry's face says oh, wow, it's like that. Apparently he's not moving out of the room quick enough for Andrew. So Andrew insults him. Now notice throughout the rest of the show. Every insult he throws at this man is like a feather pun. That's his thing. He wants to insult you with foul references. So he says well, look at him hanging around. If he had wings he'd be circling like a buzzard. Seems a little excessive and kind of rude in front of company, but Andrew don't give a damn.

Speaker 1:

Once Henry finally leaves the room, andrew tells Abby about Terry's unfortunate demise. Looks like they were kind of having a little bit too much fun, he and Terry. Back in the day they had a car accident. She died at Laurel Canyon in LA. He misses her terribly, misses everything about her, from her eyes to the way she laughed, to the way she lit up the silver screen. But most of all he misses how they used to outdo each other with affection She'd buy him a gift, he'd buy her a gift back and forth. And he even said he knew that eventually she wouldn't be able to continue to do that because her acting career would be much, much more short-lived than his directorial career. But he enjoyed their time nonetheless. And let him tell it, they were playing. God made a couple of mistakes and she's no longer here.

Speaker 1:

The next day they're at Knott's Landing Motors. Karen is sitting down doing something and Abby's just basically telling Karen about this Andrew guy, like man, he used to do this. He was the director of that. He's so kind, he just seems kind of lonely. She's just kind of filling her in on the whole thing. Karen says well, your little friend came by yesterday, larry, somebody or another, and this is for you. She hands her a check. She gives Abby a commission off the car she sold and Abby's like well, girl, that's great, I'll just add this to my collection this week, you know, I got a new necklace right. Karen's like okay, that's all fine, well and good. But if you got this, larry guy, what are you doing with this old guy? What's really going on? Abby's like why can't I just have friends, karen? I can't just have friends. I have to always have something up my sleeve. She walks off. While she walks off, karen's like yep, you always got to have something up your sleeve, mind you, she just said she had nothing up her sleeve.

Speaker 1:

Abby goes to talk to Gary and they got to get to the bottom of this gas a whole situation. This is new technology. People aren't really biting. Plus, there's so many kinks to work out that they didn't anticipate it's starting to cost a lot of money. So Abby presents Gary with the necklace. He's like dang, how much do you think is worse? He's like well, north of $20,000. So if push comes to shove, worse comes to worse. She implies that the necklace can be sold and or hawked. I don't know how they're going to do it. Gary's like well, I mean, yeah, this is a business, this is kind of a funny business. So things it could either work or it couldn't work.

Speaker 1:

Abby is cool and relaxed, as where Gary seems a little more curious. Abby tells him she thinks their money problems are about to be all the way over. She thinks she found a potential investor in Mr Andrew the director. It's all sort of making sense. Doesn't feel like she's using him. To me, however, if he wants to shower her with gifts, who would she look a gift towards in the mouth?

Speaker 1:

Gary immediately is like no, no, no, I don't like that. He's an old man, he doesn't know what he's doing. I beg to differ, sir. He's an old man, so he probably does know what he's doing, barring the potential dementia. He's lived a long life homeboy. This ain't his first rodeo. He probably knows investments better than most, I would think. But Gary's like nah, nah, nah, old rich dudes like that. They don't take a lot of risks, they only deal with AAA bonds and blue chip stocks. I am far too removed from that to know what he means, but it sounds wealthy Gary goes on to say he didn't mess with anything outside of that.

Speaker 1:

Abby's like well, he messes with me. Maybe that's why Are you jealous? No, I'm just going to say this. I keep going back and forth. She says that again later in the show, but again Gary's not giving a lot of emotion, he's not showing this or that. So it's actually starting to piss me off, are they or are they not? Because I'm 90% sure at this point that nothing's going on. I hope they don't drag out like flirtation. She even kisses Richard in the mouth this episode. So maybe I'm just I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I don't know how people got down in 1982. Seems a little too friendly for my liking. Remember, remember when um scooter kiss Laura right in the mouth, like when she first started working at the company, started making good money. Kissed her right in the mouth front of everybody. She's in the middle, middle of eating, like an egg salad sandwich or something. Um, is that just normal then? I don't know. Seems like she's teasing him. Plus, she's got other interests which we'll get to here in a second. But Gary just kind of looks like not jealous, but just like I don't like this idea. This is an old man. He's probably going to say no At this point. If you are bleeding money every other week again, we're not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Let me paint a picture for you.

Speaker 1:

It's a fall in 1991 in east texas, more specifically southeast texas, around the houston area. A young mom is in the script club being a midnight ballerina, doing what she's got to do to make a little change. She is fresh off of a divorce. She is quite striking, beautiful in the face. Matter of fact, she's been told, she looks just like Jane Mansfield, mariska Hargitay's mama. Anyway, she is at her normal shift, putting the baby oil and glitter on, putting on her shoes. She's about to bust it down to God knows what song. That night, when an old man comes wheeling into the strip club, he sees her, she sees him. He says darling, come home with me. Now listen, she don't want to shake everything. You know she don't want to keep doing.

Speaker 1:

Being a midnight ballerina can be difficult. I assume you know what I mean. You got to be creative. You have to keep your head on a swivel. You can't have a bunch of unsavory type. You never know what kind of clientele you're going to get in on any given night. All she wants to do is make enough money to feed her son and get the hell out of Mahea. Well, she didn't move in that night, but they do move in together. Years later they have a wedding. He is wheeled down the aisle, she puts on a big old 1990s wedding dress and they are married until his untimely, or rather very timely, death in 1995.

Speaker 1:

Now the young woman, the ballerina that is, is none other than the late great Anna Nicole Smith, and the wheelchair-bound husband of hers is none other than the infamous J Howard Marshall, an oil tycoon out of Texas. Anna Nicole was once Vicki Lynn Hogan. She lived a rough-ish, not very wealthy life. And wouldn't you know it? One day a wealthy man comes in and says hey. And wouldn't you know it, one day a wealthy man comes in and says, hey, come home with me, come live with me, we'll be wonderful together.

Speaker 1:

Now a lot of people might say, no, you're just taking advantage of him. That's an old man, you can't go with him. He doesn't know what he's saying. He knows exactly what he's saying. He was just old, that's it. He's just been around a long time, which means he's had several opportunities. Now I bet you're thinking, jet, we know you like to hang around geriatric people. Are you saying that 20 something you know 23, 22 year old woman should be running after 87 year old men? No, that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is that sometimes old men make decisions that other people don't like. That old man decided to go to a script club. He was sound enough minded to go to the script club.

Speaker 1:

Here's my thing, though when I think of Anna Nicole and that whole fiasco that turned out the way that it did, I think of this. Even as a kid I remember thinking this probably isn't the most romantic relationship, but there's probably a sense of safety with this man that she's not going to get anywhere else. She was objectified. She understood that people wanted to see only one version of her. He saw that when he walked in, but you know what else? She had some security. Now we're all grown adults here. We can go back and forth.

Speaker 1:

Well, what does she have to do for that money? That man is 87 years old. She probably had to do nothing. You know what I'm saying. She probably was doing a whole lot of nothing, a whole lot of sitting around letting him tell her about his glory days, how he started his petroleum club, how he started his business, how he used to farm, how he used to do X Y, z. This man would have been born in the yeah right at the turn of the century. He had nine decades worth of stories to tell this girl and he was kind to her and her son, which seemed to be a hell of a lot more than she got from any relative who claimed to love her.

Speaker 1:

Now the other side of this is Mr Marshall had full grown kids, kids who were grandparents by the time Anna Nicole and he got married. So they didn't like this one bit because you know what they were in line to inherit this. Now, in the same breath, I'm going to keep the same energy. I'm keeping the same energy. They felt a way about the relationship because they were expecting something. I don't the same energy. They felt away about the relationship because they were expecting something. I don't think that's wrong either. This man, j Albert Marshall, got to decide where his money was, wasn't going to go Back to Abby.

Speaker 1:

Abby has decided that, if nothing else, andrew is interesting, andrew is charming and she enjoys listening to him. Now, from time to time, he will forget that she's not Terry. It's little fluffs here. It's like when he gets excited he starts talking about, you know, maybe, a film that they did back then and he's like I remember Terry, and I mean she looks just like the girl. So one say is he senile, is he losing his mind? Does he have a little touch of dementia, or does she just look so much like his love that he's getting a little confused? From time to time? Two things can be true at once. Abby decides she's going to stick around and see what's what, while she is spending more and more time with Andrew listening to his stories and just kind of enjoying his company.

Speaker 1:

Larry, the 42 year old engineer who travels, seems to have enough disposable cash to buy a fresh new car day after meeting a woman who's trying on roads with his mama Seems to be I don't want to, I don't want to use the word fiending for, but he seems to have a yearning for women of the Fairgate clan. He stops by Abby's house one morning before she goes to work, which means he probably wasn't going to work that day and he asked her if she can attend dinner or something with him. I might be mixing up the timeline, but just understand, it's either before work or right after. Abby's going to go hang out with Andrew, so she has to tell Larry she can't make it. This man literally gets in his car, drives about I don't know 30, 40 feet away to Karen's door. Karen is getting out of her car. You know they were friends. She sold him a car, so he runs up to her and he's like hey, you want to go to dinner friends. She sold him a car, so he runs up to her and he's like hey, you want to go to dinner. She's like, yeah, sure, she's about to take her groceries in the house, but Abby has seen this and she's like I know this wench, wait a minute.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely not Abby. With the boldness of a woman who just kind of like Alexis on Dynasty, when dexter burst in and caught her with rashid, she was like excuse me, what are you doing in my room? Not like, oh my gosh, I'm cheating on you. I'm so sorry. She didn't care. What are you doing here? That's how abby is.

Speaker 1:

Abby's like wait a minute, karen, what do you call yourself doing? That's my man. Karen's like I'm. I know he said that you had something to do, so he asked if I would substitute for you for dinner tonight. Karen, don't get no funny ideas, okay, I'm don't play with me, that's gonna be my man. So stop playing with me. Karen's just like listen. A girl's gotta eat. I've been at work all day. I'm really tired of eating Diana's dry food. I'm gonna go have me a good time. She'd been dead long enough. It's time for me, thirst showing out a bit. That's kind of was my thought. I was really surprised that she said yes, but again, I think that the invitation was presented so casually. Plus, karen's had a lot of people coming and going. She eats. She'll go eat with you. She'll go have a good time. Okay.

Speaker 1:

Abby heads to Andrew's house and they end up watching a silent film with her doppelganger enter, hayden Henry. Henry comes in talking about bedtime. Andrew gives like kind of big. I don't know if he's a Leo, I don't know what he is, but he is not one to be interrupted. He's like Henry, go away, I'm a big boy and stay up as late as I want to. He was getting excited because he's like we need to have a party. You know, he just saw his love on screen. He's sitting there with Abby. He wants to show all his friends this woman who looks so much like Terry. He knows they're going to get a kick out of it. So he starts naming off people. Oh man, you got to call this actress, this actor, call chaplain. Oh my gosh, is he here? Is he in France? If France is dead, yes, he's in France. It's becoming a little bit more uncomfortable. This is when Henry reiterates it's time to go to bed.

Speaker 1:

The doctor had very specific orders. You're supposed to be in bed by six o'clock. It's almost 10 pm. Oh my gosh, that was absolutely the wrong thing to say. In five, four, three, two, one, andrew fully crashes out. He has just this really intense moment of going off, and I felt him. I would be so pissed off if I mess around and live almost nine decades and somebody comes and tell somebody that I write a check for, comes in telling me I got to go to bed at 6 pm. The sun's still out. What are you talking about? Plus, he put on his whole penguin suit to hang out with Abby Shut up. And that's what. That was his whole point. You're embarrassing me in front of Abby. You're being disrespectful to her. Just shut up. He's really pissed. And then you know what else pisses him off even more All his friends are dead. He can't really even show her off like that.

Speaker 1:

Henry is still standing there like, okay, throw your fit, put your toys away. Abby's got to go home. You're going to bed, mister. March up those stairs and you brush your teeth and you get right in that bed. But, like I said, andrew was having a full on fit.

Speaker 1:

Andrew looks at Henry and he said do you watch yourself? Mess around and get beside yourself. He basically tells him to watch out. I'll fire you or I'll clobber you, or both. Number one, we got to bring back the word clobber. It is. It's a really good descriptor when you're thinking about a fight. I like that a lot. Henry doesn't appreciate the sentiment. He's looking, he's silent, but his eyes say I'm not an owl, mind you. They're both wearing suits. I don't know if it would come to fisticuffs. I can't imagine two 88 year old men in suits are gonna do much damage to anybody.

Speaker 1:

Once henry finally does leave the room lest he be clobbered or and or fired and released from the will, andrew confesses and he's like oh gosh, this sucks so much. If I follow the doctor's orders, I'm gonna live for a month. If I don't, I'll be dead in 30 days. That's an old country saying. I used to hear people say well, it's six one way and half a dozen the other. I love stuff like that. He feels like I can't do anything fun, so I'm not gonna go to bed at 6 pm and I really want to have a party, but dang it, I don't know nobody, no more. So while he goes to put on his pajamas, abby is hanging out in his bedroom looking at this mean vase. Like dang, it's nice. Andrew comes out of the bathroom in his lemon, pepper, mustard gold robe and I'm just immediately like, okay, I'm getting a robe if I don't do anything else.

Speaker 1:

But the scene is so good because you start to see a couple of things. This is a man who was just I mean, think of like of a Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese, somebody like that, just living at the top of the top. This is what what you do. You create art. You are constantly around people. You're constantly meeting new actors and new actresses, different studios. You're working with people, from the sound guy to the catering company. You are surrounded by life all the time, only to come to the end of your life, no longer have the love of your life and not even be able to live the life you want. You are reduced to. I need to go to bed at 6 pm. I can't get too excited. I can't even have a freaking hot dog if I want.

Speaker 1:

So having this woman come back in, if nothing else, it is breathing new life back into him. Love her or hate her new life back into him, love her or hate her, call her gold digger or not. He approached her. He approached her. So I'm watching this and you see Henry in the background, always silently, very loudly, judging Henry's pissed. He didn't got cussed out. He's probably a little bit embarrassed that this happened in front of Abby. Plus, he's been this man's butler for many, many moons. We know this because andrew continues to talk his ish. Henry is pissed. He is quietly telling andrew to kiss his watertight arse by aggressively folding blankets. He's like rage choring in the background and andrew's um talking about how boring henry is like. This is the most boring old man ever. He's been so boring since he got his gallbladder out. What was that like? 1968, 67, that was the most exciting thing that ever happened to this guy. Henry don't say nothing.

Speaker 1:

Andrew also tells Abby that she's kind of the how does he put it. She's like a joy, but she's also the symbol of everything wrong, because, as much as he likes her and as much as he wants to show her off, all his friends are dead. Yeah, he could throw a party if he wanted to right now, but would nobody come. Abby's hearing this. She's like well, don't worry about it, you can't. Okay, maybe I can't meet your friends. You know what I'm saying. I'm going to be alive, at least till 2025. I, you know, maybe my friends can come over, or at least my frenemies, people I can bully and they're coming over or come over you. You don't worry about nothing, I'll have everything set up. We're going to have us a good old time. Well, he's delighted. Finally, a little something, something to look forward to, absolutely so, once he's tucked into his y'all, his bed matches his robe. Did I tell you that His bed matches his robe? I got to get my life together.

Speaker 1:

Well, after he's tucked into bed, abby and Henry go walking down the stairs. I guess he's walking her out to the door and she's basically poking him. Like man, you really don't like me, huh? All the gifts he's given me over the next, over the last couple of days, and if he continues to give me gifts, you might be out of your inheritance. Huh, you don't like having me around. Henry's unbothered. He like lady, whatever, I mean, I've seen this a hundred dozen times. I'm not worried about it. One way or another, we'll see. Basically, he tells her, we'll see. And she's starting to wonder like dude, what's your mind? You, I keep in mind.

Speaker 1:

Picture this whole interaction between abby and a mother butler, a very unbothered one, who's been keeping his mouth shut. All he wants to do is go to bed, because if Andrew's bedtime is 6, his can't be any later than 6.37. So that's probably why he's so cranky. Picture this whole interaction. She's digging, trying to basically basically say I'm the new thing in town. He's like I've seen a thousand of you picture all this with a mean vase under her arm. She's walking out with yet another gift. So he's a. Let me tell you something. Let me explain something to you. This man don't have a lot of time left. Baby girl, I want you to take whatever gift he gives you. You take it and you enjoy it. Okay, you have the night you deserve. Abby Cunningham. I was wondering, hmm, why did he say that? I don't know how to take that. But I think if somebody said that to me I'd be like oh, you know something I really really really don't know.

Speaker 1:

So the next couple of scenes is just the gang basically deciding whether or not they're going to go to this party. Val's making breakfast. Lily Mae is eating a like hungry man. Oh boy, have you ever seen those guys from Scotland and other parts of the world? But Scotland is sticking out to me. I feel like there was more strongmen from that country. I could be mixing that up. The strong men. They lift trees out of the ground and stuff. These men are built. They're really big. They're usually well over six feet kind of stout I guess you can be tall and stout right. They're thick and they always have a keg. And it's like strongmen like that always need a keg. And they showed some of their breakfasts. It might be like 15 eggs, two and a half pounds of bacon just outrageous, outrageous amounts of food.

Speaker 1:

Tell me why lily may look like she's eating for strongman competition. She has a comically large pile of jimmy dean sausage on her the sausage patties, not the links on her plate. She's eating toast. Uh, just going on and on about how she can't believe andrew douglas is here. She used to. When she was a girl in tennessee, lily may used to go to the movies all the day long, watching andrew douglas movies. They were so romantic. She would just be crying, hooting, hauling snot, droggling and wiping her face.

Speaker 1:

She's telling all this to Gary and Val, who are very much not listening, because Gary's trying to convince Val to want to go to this party Because, you know, abby says it's going to be good. I know, you think it's one of Abby's schemes. Val ain't saying nothing, she's just trying to make breakfast. That's all she's doing. And when he finally stops talking, she's like well, yeah, I want to go. You don't know, I don't like the party. I want to party. I want to go to a party.

Speaker 1:

Which makes me think why are you talking so much? Why are you selling this so hard? I'm not going to worry about him right now because I have other things to worry about, but I'm looking out the side of my eye. I don't think nothing's going on, but I'm like why are you acting so weird? Acting weird, gary, maybe because he knows that she's not really crazy about Abby and Abby is scheming, and it could be that it's an old man. I just thought about that too. It could be that this is an old man's house and it would appear that this is her boyfriend. He's not crazy about it because he thinks it's kind of weird to take advantage of it and he, I'm sure, okay, he's probably thinking val thinks the same thing.

Speaker 1:

Well, they end up going, val and lily may end up going over to karen's house. They're all talking about the party, phone rings and it's lar. He wants to go to dinner, but Karen can't go because she has to go to a party. And she almost slips to say to him that it's Abby's party, but she doesn't say anything. So here's the deal.

Speaker 1:

She and Larry went out to dinner. They had a really good time, but I guess somehow in the conversation they didn't get to the particulars about each other, until he comes to drop her off for the night. That's when it's like he's she's explaining how she ended up running Knott's Landing Motors. She asked him once they're in her house what he does for a living. I don't know what they talked about all night. He tells her she's an, he's an engineer. She thinks it's kind of weird that he's not married because, like, engineers are married, I guess. But he's asking about Abby, abby, abby. He says Abby's name three times. You know what Karen's like. You know what? Um, I don't want to talk about Abby. Won't you go ahead and leave? He leaves, but he kind of is popping up a little bit more. I guess I don't know they've had a couple other interactions. He was calling to see if she wanted to hang out not calling Abby, but calling. So Karen hangs up after she tells him oh I'm so sorry, I can't make it, maybe another time.

Speaker 1:

Lily, mae and Valene are at the kitchen table and they're like okay, girl, you, I mean you, smiling, you'd have been out with this man a couple of times. What's really going on? Karen's like that's. You know Abby really likes him. So I can't really date him like that. And to my surprise, val and well, I'm not surprised about Lily Mae, I am surprised about Vidalia. Vidalia and Lily Mae are like bros before hoes, dude Hoes before bros. That's not even your real sister for real. Like that you can date whoever you want. Plus, isn't she dating this old man? Ladies and gentlemen, I am paraphrhrasing, but they're like, I don't see any. If she has two scoops, I don't see why you can't dibble, dabble in just one of them.

Speaker 1:

Lily may tells karen call him back, girl, call him back and take him to the party. That's actually a genius move. That's actually really brilliant, because he would get to see firsthand that she's already dating somebody and he's old. So he'd like, you know, whatever it clears the air for karen now. I don't know if this is an angela channing, where there will be a consequence for that later, but right now this is what's gonna happen. Okay, so val, lily may and gary Karen are all set to go.

Speaker 1:

Richard is at the house. Ok, I don't know if Richard kept the house and Laura is visiting or Laura kept the house and Richard is visiting. I tend to believe that Richard kept the house because we saw Laura leave. Plus, she said Richard, I called you, said you weren't going to be here, so I assume she thought she'd come over and pick up Jason and leave. She's also very big, pregnant now. She's like six months at least. He invites her to Andrew's party. She's like well now, why would I do something like that? I don't want to go with you. We're not together, we're not married, we don't live together, we'll do nothing. Feeling in the audience he, I know, but it's a mansion and he's old. He's probably going to die. Don't you want to have first dibs to sell the house? I think that's I. She doesn't say like yeah, but I'm sure she's like, well, I mean, he's not wrong. Plus, it's many director's houses.

Speaker 1:

Next thing we see the party is popping off and I immediately have beef with kenny. Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, how okay you can be a bad dancer to difficult things. How are you screwing up rag time? You don't know, baby you. It's almost impossible. This I'm not even gonna Baby. It's almost impossible. I'm not even going to get into it because it's going to piss me off when Kenny's dancing is trash.

Speaker 1:

But Ginger, listen, I know a club girl. When I see one, I know a go-go dancer. I know somebody who could peep up on a handstand if the occasion called for it. Ginger was a party girl, I don't know. I forget what Ginger's government name is, the actress. I know a club kid when I see one. I'm not saying she was dancing fantastically, but that's the girl on the dance floor from open to close, I guarantee you.

Speaker 1:

So she's cutting the rug and kenny is just I don't know what he's doing. He's doing like the goofy dance you ever watch the mickey mouse club and they start doing the hot dog. He messing that up. How do you mess that up? Let it go, jet. Let it go. I'm not gonna get them, okay.

Speaker 1:

And then also, this is the party. Let me get my thoughts together. This is the other part, a part of the story where abby asks gary if he's jealous jealous, we all know I'm not letting that mexico kiss go. Something is gonna come up. It doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon. But if you keep talking about it now, I have to keep thinking about it, because why would you bring it up in a show, especially a show like this? Nos Lanning does not seem to throw away things, dynasty does. We'll talk about that on the next episode. We're going to talk about Blake's birthday party, but oh episode. We're going to talk about blake's birthday party, but oh, I don't know. It pissed me off too. It was probably kenny's dancing that triggered it and I'm like I'm just not in the mood for any more riffraff. Okay, the party is a smash hit. Everybody has a good time.

Speaker 1:

Lily may bulls out her bob ross, richard simmons wig and she's skeleton baby, she, skeleton baby. She kind of wanted to sing for the director. I guess she thought he was going to put her in a movie, but I would love for somebody to tap her shoulder and be like girl. He makes silent movies, or at least some of them. Next, lily May know, nevermind. If there's an opportunity to sing and put on that jerry curl wig, baby, count me in. So the party is going well and, dare I say it, hateful.

Speaker 1:

Henry seems like he's kind of accidentally having a little bit of a good time. Him and the rest of the help are probably drinking a little champagne in the back. I did see him like turn and look at one of the maids booty one time, so maybe they were having a good time. He and Abby come. Oh, oh, oh. I forgot this part. This is the most important part of this. This is a mansion. There's music, there's ragtime music.

Speaker 1:

People are dressed very well. Ginger did not get the memo. She should have worn a dress. She got on hot pants and platforms and a candy cane striped shirt. Ginger wanted to shake it fast. Maybe two names was really drag, really, really cramping her style. But abby comes downstairs in a 1920 easter sunday dress, I'm supposing, or probably like a 1914.

Speaker 1:

You ever see the titanic? You know how they dress right, not not the kate winslet, titanic, the poors, the people who was down man, side note, sorry y'all, I'm getting excited. When you saw Titanic, tell me that you didn't want to kind of go hang out with the Irish kids in the basement. They were having a time. That was the club they was having a time. So she's wearing an outfit maybe that one of them would wear, not the Kate Winslet's, but you know, maybe a little more. You know a common person, but she looks just like Terry. It seems a little bit rude, but also it could be, you know, granting this man's wish. He wanted to see, he wanted to show her off. So it's only right that she looks like Terry. Well, they're having such a good time.

Speaker 1:

Once the party wraps up. It seems like everybody was respectable. The party wrapped up kind of early so Henry could go to bed. Oh, I forgot about Henry.

Speaker 1:

Henry have another quick little exchange and they seem to just kind of make peace. She's like dang, don't you want all this? When he passes away, henry breaks it down. He's a baby girl. Most of this man's money is going to go to charity. Anything else, I mean, I'd be surprised if there's $1.2 million worth of stuff left after everything. Abby's like no, no, no, the house alone has to be worth more than that. He's like taxes, this is America. No, no, no, the house alone has to be worth more than that. And he's like taxes, this is America. They're going to tax your ass to death, even when you're dead. And she's like oh, okay, you're right, you're right, but don't you want everything that's left? And he goes, don't you? And she's oh, they clink glasses and carry on.

Speaker 1:

Well, once the party's over, everyone's gone except Abby, Henry and Andrew. Andrew had a time. He he wants the party to keep on going. She's dancing with him, but she's probably getting a little bit tired too. Andrew's like no, no, one more record.

Speaker 1:

Abby's like well, I mean, who's gonna pick you up off the floor? Abby, that was a little rude. Yes, he's old. Yes, he's on his last leg. Yes, he could very well pass out on the ground, but you had to say that out loud.

Speaker 1:

He gets super pissed and he calls her like a clucking hen. All of his insults revolve around some sort of verbs and he's like where are you, the clucking hen club? Where is your beak? Where is your feather? He said in the exact same tone that Mimi Leakes told Kim Zolciak on the reunion show where is your scooter? Where is your scooter? He said it just like that. Where is your beat? Where are your feathers? I'm putting that on a shirt. An old clucking hen, jesus, I'd be insulted if I were 400 years old. Well, he's pissed. He's like you know what the party's over. I'm going to bed, henry, I've been putting myself to bed for the last 150 years. And abby's like, well, damn, why not that thing? And henry, now it's all starting to make sense.

Speaker 1:

Henry's looks, henry's side eye. He has been with this for years and years and years. This is a random thursday night for him and he don't say much, but the look was like what I tell you tried to told you. Oh man, I was a little embarrassed for andrew, a little bit disappointed for him, because it's just one of those moments. He was just having a good time. Everybody else is remembering that he's old and decrepit. He don't want to think about that every moment of the day. Let things happen, naturally. Let the party carry on until he wants to pass out.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't going to be much longer than that, but unfortunately, abby's, I mean, I wouldn't call it a premonition. I wouldn't even call it magical foresight. It's just one plus one is two. And sure enough, maybe the party was a little bit too much for him. He was kind of shaking it a little too hard on the dance floor. Next thing you know, boom, boom, boom, he has some sort of attack. It's just like when your parents tell you not to do something.

Speaker 1:

Actually, one time my dad told me I think I was dumping a bag Can't even remember what it was. He was like well, roll the window all the way down. If you try to just do like a little bit, it's going to blow back on you. I wasn't, oh, I know what it was. It was like one of those do you remember those candies that we used to come in, like this long white pouch and one part of it was like a, a stick. Looks like a doctor saying they put on your tongue like a white stick and you're supposed to like lick it and dip it in the sugar part. I didn't really like those, but I needed the pouch to hold my gummies like. So he was like okay, tear the pouch and open the window all the way to pour it out if you try to do just like a little inch or two worth of window at the top. It's just gonna go blow up. It's gonna blow back on you.

Speaker 1:

I wasn't trying to hear that because I knew everything, and sure enough he. I just wasn't all that coordinated. All of thaty sweet crap went right into my eyeballs. I had a mild panic attack in the back seat because I didn't listen. I didn't want to hear that. I thought I could do it my way. Andrew didn't want to listen and unfortunately his body's like oh, you're cute. 30 days, guess what, now you got 35 minutes. It's not funny, oh boy. So Abby gets word of his attack and she calls Richard. Like hey, richard, can you come with me back to this mansion? This old man that I've been leading on a little bit, I think he might have written me into his will. Would you mind coming? Just so it's legal, legal, richard's like sure, real quick, larry.

Speaker 1:

Larry did end up going to the party with Karen. So now Abby knows that that's a thing. Well, karen is feeling guilty. She thinks they're just really good friends. He comes over. They're about to go on another date or get together, I don't know what you call it. If she thinks they're friends, she thinks it's just hanging out. He comes over. They're about to go on another date or get to get I don't know what you call it If she thinks they're friends, she thinks it's just hanging out. He comes over. She's like hey, let's sit down real quick before we leave. I know we're friends, you know we're friends. I don't think Abby knows that. I think it makes her uncomfortable and he goes. Well, you know, I don't really care what Abby thinks, thinks I kind of want to hang out with you and she's like oh well, don't mind if I diddly do. Back to Abby.

Speaker 1:

Abby and Richard make it to the mansion just in the nick of time to see Andrew in the bed. He's not looking good. There's a doctor who's like yep, got a few minutes here, doctor slash lawyer. Because he mentions that the will has been adjusted. Oh, he pulls. He pulls a will out of his pocket like it's an invitation to a garden party. And when she had walked into the room, andrew announced oh, there's my girlfriend. So, okay, cool, there's a girlfriend, cool, oh, let. Oh, let me go back. Let me go back Just one little. I want to get this right. I found it when Andrew insulted Abby Knight previous before said attack. He called her quote the nag control, the sitting hen society. Where is your beak, where are your feathers? And then he had said to Henry, drive her home before she starts laying eggs. My God, the nerf. Well, now he in bed, about to die.

Speaker 1:

Once everyone else clears the room, it's just he and Abby. He told her that he did write the codicil to the will, new word added to your vocabulary, she, at this point is it's a little bit too much, because you can tell she did like him, he's a, he's her friend. He wants to call her girlfriend. Fine, there's nothing romantic, there's nothing sexual there, it's just a good friendship. She says listen, I don't want your money. I feel bad about taking your money, I really don't want anything, I just want, come on, dude, like take some medicine or something. And he's like stop, listen, you don't have to protest, girl, I'm gonna give you what I'm gonna give you. She's like okay, I mean, I don't mind if I do. Then you twisted my arm, andy.

Speaker 1:

This man starts to die, but not quick enough. This man starts to direct his own death scene. He's literally lying in bed, dying, dying in bed, and he's like god, dying in this bed would be a downer. It would completely just bring down the energy of the film. But a miracle at the end would be. Now, it's a little too sappy. I don't like that ending. And Abby's like to hell with the downer. Just do the miracle, take the pill, do whatever you gotta do. And he's like nah. Then he decides to render an A and B selection real quick. Only he gets about 10 seconds into the A selection.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't know what that means, that is an old saying where a choir director at a church or the preacher at a church would be like can the choir give us an a and b selection? They need to sing two songs. So he tries to sing the a and b selection. Only he gets about 10 seconds into it and dies. Just look, she's like oh, oh crap, oh no, no, no.

Speaker 1:

Well, a few moments later we see Abby on the couch. This is a sad moment. You know what I mean, but I was a little distracted. There's a lot of patterns on his couch. The pillows are a different pattern. Abby is also wearing every available pattern from the. It's a Small World ride atneyland. She's got on a ruffled shirt, a tiered prairie skirt. Looks like she's from denmark, mexico, galapagos islands, india, australia, uptown, downtown, out of town, outside, inside, kenya and tupelo, mississippi. It's a lot, girl I can't. Who made this? Not a hard time listening, but I put on the closed captions so I can hear over these patterns.

Speaker 1:

And lawyer starts reading lawyer, doctor, I don't know what the heck he is, so let's think about it. Man starts reading the will and he's like you know, blah, blah, blah goes to charity. All the assets in the house go to Henry the butler. The codicil is that miss. What it should say is Abby Cunningham. Only he messed around and forgot that her name wasn't Terry Clarigan. That's who he ends up leaving everything to too.

Speaker 1:

And the kicker is that the will started off of I, andrew douglas of sound mind and body. Leave blop, blop, blop to terry clarigan. This is why henry was so smug and unbothered through the whole show. That's what abby grabs the will. She's like like no, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. He talks about me. He threw a party for me. He was leaving this to me. She was going to split everything with Henry. Now Henry goes. Now doesn't that say sound mind and body? Does a sound mind write something like that? Does a sound mind write a dead girl's name, a girl who's been dead for 60 years. At this point, that's not like a sane person to you, and she's like, well, hell, at least she got a mean vase and a necklace worth upwards of twenty thousand dollars. You win some and you lose some.

Speaker 1:

This episode was kind of fun. It is one of those like okay, what are they doing here? They're just having a good time, they're just writing. We'll figure out the details later, but I'm so glad this episode happened because I would have never noticed something that has kind of been dancing in the back of my mind for a long time Richard's voice. I like it, I enjoy hearing him talk. I couldn't quite place it, though. Had the director in the show not been named Andrew Douglas, I might not have noticed that Richard sounds exactly like Michael Douglas, isn't that cool? Yeah, this is a good episode, though, but it definitely reminded me of Anna Nicole and the baker Fluffle. That poor woman.

Speaker 1:

So much was made of her, and point is, we could blame it on the times, but then you got to think about when Anna Nicole passed away. I remember her being drug through the mud when I was a kid, and then, by the time I was in like early adulthood, she was being drug in the mud for something else, and it all kind of stemmed from this one choice had she decided to just ignore this old man who probably would have just kept coming back to the strip club over and over and over, or the dancing booth, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the strip club over and over and over, or the dancing booth, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, what if she had decided to ignore this man? She might have still had a modeling career, whatever, but she wouldn't have had to been drugged through the mud, through this, this hideous trial, where people basically called her everything but a child of god because this was an old man. You got with an old man like he went after her. She did not seek him out. She would have never in her life bumped into someone like him. It would have never happened.

Speaker 1:

Abby, on the other hand, was like you know what? I am going to shamelessly allow this man to shower me with gifts, because you know what. That's his choice to do, just that. That is his choice to do just that. All right, guys, that was fun, that was wild. I kind of forgot about that, I think really like as a little kid I probably watched stuff Power Rangers Now it's all coming to me after the question was asked long ago. But the older you get, you know you just have other things to add to school. All right, guys, join me next time birthday party, my goodness. In the meantime, in between times that it once thought that again don't look a good horse in the mouth, and also the quote the millennial icon and modern poet and author, nikki annosh all around the world peace to Anna Nicole Smith. Yes, my dear, you're so explosive. Y'all will be stuck. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business and keep all of your drama on TV.