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S5 EP1 Falcon Crest: The Phoenix- The "Amnesiacs and Skin-A-Max" Episode

• Jett Shae • Episode 320

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A bomb tears through the night, Maggie wakes without a past, and Angela finds herself boxed in by court orders and cool smiles. The Phoenix doesn’t ease back into Falcon Crest—it lights the match. We walk you through each twist and why this premiere feels sharper, faster, and far more dangerous than anything the vineyard has poured in a while. Maggie’s amnesia reframes the heart of the show. She reads rooms even when names vanish, pushing Chase to confront who he’s been instead of who he remembers being. Across town, Richard’s nursing a spinal injury in a sleek, sterile fortress while ominous threats arrive and a razor-smart attorney, Jennifer Jordan, sets boundaries and battle lines. Lance, raw with grief, trades healing for high-risk stunts and bad choices, turning into a beautiful liability. And Melissa? She’s turning county into theater, testing patience and parole in equal measure. The power struggle crackles as Cassandra and Anna flex legal control over Falcon Crest, floating a resort plan that tramples heritage for amenities. Angela’s purple-clad fury isn’t just about money; it’s about meaning—how land, legacy, and labor define a family. Then the quietest bomb drops in a Connecticut convent: Julia’s “lost year” hides a living heir raised among priests. That revelation ricochets through bloodlines, leverage, and loyalty, reminding us that in Falcon Crest, the past never dies—it waits to be weaponized. If you crave vintage soap drama with modern pacing—amnesia, long-lost children, boardroom warfare, and razor-edged banter—this is your glass. Hit play, subscribe for the next premiere breakdown, and tell us: which twist changed the game for you?

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome or welcome back to Soaploin Social Gathering Place for Newbies. Now this is an OG diehard plans of the golden time now. I'm your host, Debbie, and reviewing of season 21 of one of the most out of the place here weight. So what the moment does it back on the door? Tell me if it's time to play outside or out of sight, nobody's no questions. 25 to 55 minutes. How y'all doing today? Feeling good? I hope you're feeling great today. I can just feel it in my bones. I feel like y'all smell good and you look good today. If not, don't worry, I ain't gonna tell nobody. But welcome back, gorgeous. We are jumping into another fun-filled edition of Soap Lore. Another review is on the way. I don't know what I'm watching. I still have my pieces of paper. Full disclosure, I accidentally tossed them away with the candy bag as I should. So I had to redo them. But we're gonna dig into those here in a second, figure out what I'm gonna watch. Honestly, I won't be disappointed. Dallas, oh my god, Dallas gave me everything I thought I wanted. Everything. Go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright, and we're gonna figure out what we're watching after I tell y'all about this here movie I watched yesterday. Shout out to the great state of Oregon for letting your girl know about uh a feature film with two of my favorite people on TV. Mr. Larry Hagman and Miss Joan almost called her Crawford. I almost did it. Oh my gosh. Miss Joan Collins. Speaking of Joan Crawford, I had no idea that Faye Dunaway did not like her portrayal in Mommy Dearest. I am flabbergasted. Of course, I'm not an Academy Award-winning actress, and I'm not actually sure if she is either. I feel like if she's not, she's been robbed. She's another one like Glenn Close, who I feel like I'm always really shocked to hear that they don't have all the accolades I think they deserve. Now, I hadn't seen Miss Faye Dunaway in a minute. But two things about her. Number one, her and Jennifer Lewis are sisters from the same Mr. I am convinced. I am certain. If they're not first or second cousins, I don't know. Some somebody got down with somebody because they look just alike to me, just different races. Number two, I don't want to compare that betrayal to Jared Luddell, but I feel like I have to. I know people ripped him to shred for his portrayal of the Joker in Suicide Squad. Obviously, that movie was supposed to be fun. I just don't understand why people take superheroes, action heroes, mermaids so serious. It's not that deep. I thought he did an excellent job. Riddle me this. If the Joker was a real person, would he not be some sort of cracked out, semi-homeless weirdo? Obviously, he would be. He would be unhinged, he would make you very uncomfortable every time you saw him. This was not meant to be Dark Night. I'm not even gonna get into that, but you feel what I'm saying, right? A lot of people didn't like it because that's not their version of what they wanted to see. And I could see the audiences who didn't like mommy dearest feeling the same way. I get it. If you're a Joan Crawford fan, maybe you felt like it was a bit of an insult, but you need to remember this is her daughter's recounting of her life with her. Is it a bit of a caricature? Of course it is, but if we're being honest, a lot of people's parents, a lot of people's loved ones, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever, are different people behind closed doors than they are in person or in around other people. Take it how you want. I know a lot of people didn't like it for that reason. I was just surprised that she didn't like it. I thought she was amazing, but of course I have the privilege of seeing her in many, many other films. So enough about that. I went all the way off on Mommy Dears, is because her name is Joan Crawford versus Joan Collins. Okay, Collins, Collins, Collins. She and Larry Hagman showed up and showed out. I ended up watching Up in the Cellar yesterday and it was great. I know what you're thinking. You're like, you just said Suicide Squad was good. I did. You just said Mommy Dearish was good. I did. So was Glitter, so was Spice World, so was I'm gonna get you sucker, so was Dallas Buyers Club. I got eclectic taste, and that's okay. It was great. It's not I don't know what I was expecting. So, real briefly, the whole point of the film is this kid loses his scholarship and he wants to get back to the dean of this university, and he has this controversial plan in order to do it. Filmed in 1970, immediately, I guess I didn't really expect to get the humor, I got it right away. I realized as I started watching this, I had never heard Joan Collins' American accent. I always thought her British accent was a little more American, like you can tell she's been over here for quite a while, but I'd never heard of a full-on American accent. And the more I think about it, I'm not sure I've actually ever heard her talk outside of Dynasty. With as much TV as I watch, I'm sure it came up at some point. I just don't recall. She was hilarious. She was she was a little bit kooky, she was a little bit earthy, a little bit out of there. Oh my gosh. There's a couple of scenes where um, I don't want to give away anything away because you may have the opportunity to watch it on Amazon, you may find it somewhere else. I think if you can get it from your public library, or if you can get it off of Amazon or somewhere else, or on YouTube, enjoy yourself. You're gonna have a good time. But there's a couple of scenes where she needs to go different places and she decides that she needs to wear a disguise. I never saw this until this movie. She gave Brittany, she looked like Miss Britney Jean Spears with the blonde wig on. I was like, oh my god, she was it, there was a profile of her in this wig. She's talking to this lady, and I'm like, dang, this looks like Britney in those days where she was wearing those pink and purple wigs. Not judging, I'm just saying, never thought that. And then when I saw Larry Hagman, aka J R, tell me why it took me probably 45 seconds to realize it was him. I have never seen his hair slick back. He didn't have the mama's boy part that he had on Bewitch or on Dallas. His hair was slicked back. He gave DiCaprio. I'm like, oh my god, look at DiCaprio and Brittany in this. He was as funny as you as you. Oh my gosh. If you like him as JR and you liked him as Durwert or Darren, you'll love him in this movie. I can hear a lot of JR coming out, but man, it was a good time. Highly recommend 10 out of 10, up in the cellar. All right, I got my shows in a box here. That didn't work out the way I wanted. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. I am going to watch and review fountain crest. Okay. I'm not mad at that. We need to see if Maggie and Richard Savide being blued up. Let me figure out what it's called. Alright, this is season five, episode one, called The Phoenix. That seems fitting. I'm going to do my best to do this in 15-minute increments. I think with this show, I might be able to do it because I'm banking on this being a little bit of a slow burn. Although I think most of you would agree season four definitely was a little bit different, the seasons previous. So if they stay within that vein, I wonder if if the pacing will be a little bit different. We're about to find out. Also, I think I misspoke yesterday, or I misspoke on the last episode. I kept saying this was 1986. Looks like this is in 1985. Probably shot in 84, aired in 85. Okay, so I just had a mild heart attack. Apparently, the licensing is no longer available on Amazon. They didn't tell me nothing. I know y'all stalked me. I know this. They said nothing. So I'm watching it on Plex just FYI. If any of you guys are watching. Okay, Falcon Grass. I see you. Looks like they hired a graphic designer or something. The intro's a little bit different. I want Terry's back. Okay. Oh, we have some new people. Oh, the Mammals back. Okay, Susan, I see you. She turned like she was real cute. Okay, it looks like Maggie lived because she's in the opening credits. Going forward, this is gonna be a little trickier if I have to watch it on this platform because I've trained my brain to just sort of skip over stuff. I can strictly look at just the title and just move through it, or I might have a family member look it up for me. But this time I'm gonna have to be a little bit more cautious. And straight out the gate, we got the soap tack, soap tack, soap tack. First of all, this is the first time I've ever seen a TV on Falcon Crest. Angela has redone her living room, looks just like my great-grandma's circa 1989-ish. She's got the built, you know, the the entertainment center with a little bitty TV, but that's neither here or there. Her and the manimal are watching TV, and it is a sheriff explaining that the bomb in Richard's house seemed to have been centered right under the sleeping quarters upstairs. So when it went kaboom, he and Maggie were blown clear before the fire in the house started. Soap tack, soap tack, soap tacks. Oddly enough, the media is at the hospital. They're all in the hallways chasing down Chase, asking him if his wife's gonna live. How rude, right? In the middle of a hospital, you would think they'd kick him out. Soap tack, soap tack, soap tack. So Maggie is in the hospital and Richard already bought a brand new house. He is holed up. They said he's become a hermit. I'm assuming this is two days later. I don't think that's be a hermit per se. Maybe he just hadn't gone out yet. But he's got a new house. He don't want to come outside. His guards are pushing everyone away. Apparently, his guards were also the people who saved he and Maggie. Angela is sitting in her living room and her purple people eater grape Kool-Aid suit and tie. No, I love purple. I'm a purple girl, but good lord, it is Barney. Barney and purple Kool-Aid. Now I'm sorry, I disrespected Angela because no sooner than she gets good and comfortable, stand up from the couch, in comes Cassandra and her not burned up mother. I guess Balconcross loves a good explosion, but they're not gonna burn anybody if they can help it. Anyway, Cassandra and her mama are there because they have full access apparently to Angela's books. They want to go over the numbers, crunch a few just to see how wealthy they are now. They're doing it with a smug look on their face, and Angela's like, oh, that's cute. What makes you think you're gonna come in my office? Well, they have a doodt lawyer behind them. He hands them a court order that says you just said they can do it. Manimal reads over it and he's like, Jolly, show them the way. Things are not looking good two minutes in. Disrespect is at an all-time high. These heifers have to be stopped. I was kind of on Cassandra's side last season, just a little. Well, I'm gonna be honest. I was just eager to see who she was and what she wanted, but her and her mama gotta be stopped. Not only did they burst up into Angela's home, they are now in her newly renovated office. She has gold embossed furniture, she painted the walls lavender, she's carrying this purple theme wherever she wanted to go. So she walks into the office, and Cassandra's mama is sitting in the chair, like, damn, girl, you ain't got nothing with cushions. And Angela looks at her, like, my name is Big Perm, not Pillowtop. I am not here to make you comfortable. You want the books? Read the books. So Angela walks around to the table and like, listen, these books go all the way back to the turn of the century, but I guess you're gonna need that if you're trying to run a winery. They're like, winery? Who said anything about wine? These heifers want to turn her hard work, her her centuries old blood, sweat, and tears, Italian immigrants making good with this rocky land. They want to turn it into a resort. Talking about tennis courts and whatnot. I can't wait till she turns up on them. I I know this. Oh my god. They're gonna ruin the day. They're gonna ruin the day they cross big purple perm. Also, who wants to stay on a resort with no other attractions? The winery would be the attraction, right? Nobody wants to stay in the middle of nowhere and do absolutely nothing, not at a resort. Be a bed and breakfast. I get that. Alright, new character alert. I know this baddie. I know I know this woman. I think I think I know this woman, or she looks like a lot of people. Jennifer Jordan Roberts. So Richard is holed up in his house, but it's because he's he's nursing a spinal injury. He's stubbornly walking on a treadmill while this nurse is fussing over him and some dude is just staring at him in the back. Guess that guy's only job is answering the telephone when it rings. Telephone rings, they're like JJ Roberts or Robinson's here. He thinks it's a dude, so he's like, Y'all put on my back brace or my faha after his BBL, and then he puts on a silver bullet silk robe, some Nuggy high tops, and walks outside with his cane looking for JJ. He thinks JJ is a dude. She's like, I'm JJ. He's like, You mean JJ? She's like, I'm Jennifer Jordan, fool. My daddy is JJ. So yeah, I'm her. Apparently, she wants to be his lawyer. She knows if somebody tried to blow him to smithereens, she thinks that they're gonna do it again. She's kind of a cocky bra. She's what Terry should be. Where do I know this woman? I know I know this woman. I know I know her. Dang, I now wish I'd paid a little bit more attention to the names up front. I paid attention because they had pictures of people. So I noticed one new dude. I know I know her. This is driving me nuts. Okay, I'll just pay attention at the end. Anyway, this is a baddie. I can already tell she's talking about she made a million dollars before she was 30, then she got bored. I feel a new bad girl on the horizon. Oh, she also knows that Rich was broke. Familiar face. So the next scene we see Maggie leaving the hospital. Here's a gotcha gotcha. It's 1985, but Chase's shirt is definitely from 1975. He has on a butterfly collar. You already know. First two buttons undone, so we can see that chest. I think Maggie has amnesia. Thank God. Do you know how long I've been waiting for somebody to lose their memory? I feel like that's soap opera's 101. I was wondering we can have an amnesiac. I kind of thought it'd be Julia. Oh, Chase is fine. He's strutting around that car like he is Saturday Night Fever. Brand new yellow Mercedes wagon, too. I don't remember them having this. But Maggie is back. Naria Stitch, Naria Burn on her body. She's an all-white God. I know this doctor too. He's every bad guy, like in a kid's movie. I'm gonna figure out his name as well, too. But yeah, girl has amnesia. It is about damn time. I've been waiting a long time for this. She doesn't remember anything, including Chase. She feels like y'all are putting me in this car with this stranger. I don't know him. The doctor's like, listen, I can vouch for him. He hasn't left her side, he's a good dude. That's your husband. She's like, I know everybody keeps telling me you have this wonderful marriage, but I don't feel it, I don't know him. Chase wants to know how soon she's gonna remember if she remembers anything at all. Interesting though. So I wonder, you know, this is television, but they weren't on good terms. He kind of gets a pass. She don't remember that he was feeling all up and down Connie Giannini's back or backless back. It's her back in a backless dress. You understand what I'm saying. I wonder how long this will last. I give it four episodes. Didn't I tell you that bad girl Mellie Mel was gonna turn that jail out? Tell me why her cell looks like a teenager's room on a sitcom. She has a full-on comforter with a bed skirt. She clearly isn't sleeping on some thin little pillowtop. She has posters on the wall. I'm telling you, County is where it's at. She's having a conjugal visit, which hey, uh Cole. Mind you, it's still a jail cell so that her neighbor can see her. I'm gonna go ahead and say this too. This feels a little bit skin a maxi. You know what I'm saying. This feels like the beginning of a very specific film, if you know what I'm saying. There's one dude, cop on duty, is a baddie, she's a blonde. The other lady's like this bombshell, you have a big pair, everybody's fly, their prison garb is little dresses. Come on now. Really? That's what we're gonna do. And and Melissa is all but banging Cole. The only reason she's not is because he needs to get back to the hospital to meet his mom. Lord have mercy. This feels very skin-maxy, but apparently, if Melissa is on her best behavior, she can get out for good behavior. Mind you, she's only gonna be in prison or jail, she's not even in prison for two months. She wants Cole to bring a plant, but he mentioned Rob and she got pissed off. Never mind, in her room with posters and all the comforts from home. Right at 17 minutes in, we've almost seen everybody, Lance, might I say, looking exceptionally smoking hot at his wife's gravesite. He's sitting in Lorraine's grave up waddles Richard and New Lawyer Lady. I feel like I've seen her on like comedy shows. I know I've seen her older, she's definitely a baddie and everything, but I I swear she's like on a sitcom at some point. Anyway, Richard seems to think that Lance blew him up. And I'm like, can we please let this go? We are 17 minutes into season five. Lance already has an accusation on him. But apparently he's been quite reckless. He's been drag racing, he's been hang gliding, he's been riding motorcycles. I think he's about to enter his renegade era. But of course, Richard has to poke the bear and be like, Man, you definitely did it. I know you did it this once because I guess Lance isn't giving anybody an alibi. Plus, we learn at this point that it has actually been six weeks since the explosion. Maggie's still uncomfortable. Chase insists that he's gonna sleep in his office until she's ready to invite him in. So we're about halfway through the show. Maggie still doesn't remember anything. Cole came over, he brought her flowers. She's playing nice with him, she's doing the best she can. He mentions Melissa. Oh Melissa, well, can't wait to see you. So Maggie naturally asks, Well, where is she? And they she can tell that Cole and Chase are acting funny. So she goes, Oh my god, I'm a bad mother-in-law, I'm one of those. They're like, No, no, no, no, no. But she can see it, like, yeah, she has amnesia, but she can still read the room. So she's like, There's something you're not saying. They finally tell her that Melissa's in jail, and she's like, Oh, y'all thought I was weak minded. I see how it is. Oh, I'm I'm the crazy lady who don't know anything. And they're trying to be like, No, Maggie, no, no, no. So they don't know me. I'm going to bed. She goes upstairs. I think I'm going to enjoy amnesiac Maggie. I hope this gives Jeff with the mercuric oxide. Oh god, that was a time. What a time. But she's upstairs trying to get her bearings. That has to suck. Like, she didn't even remember the name of the dessert. It's very clear that they have redone all of the sets on Falcon Crest because the castle, it there's much more headroom. Like they they raised the ceilings or something. It looks the same, but you can tell the scale is quite different. It's much larger vertically than it was before. They have a little old lady who's a maiden, which I think they had last time too, but they're very comfortable now having someone answer the door doing all the cooking and stuff, which is such a far cry from them when they first started. Remember? They were just willing to get their hands dirty and and live off the land, blah blah blah. They shoo. Ever since Jacqueline's money. Well, which reminds me. Apparently, Connie Giannini has fled the scene. Nobody's seen her. She's gone, God knows where. Let Chase tell it. But he has something up his sleeve. He knows a Falcon Crest is crumbling all around him. He knows that Cassandra and her not burnt mama are wreaking havoc on Angela's life. They don't seem to have anything personally against him, but it's gonna affect him nonetheless. He tells Cole, well, Connie Giannini made me a partner at her operation, so I'm just gonna go ahead and run it under the name of Falcon Crest. Get this money because this is my birthright, you see. This is this is my land. This is the best hundred acres in the country, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna take over. Okay. Not really villainy, but I'm here for it. Flash forward to good old Emma. Emma's mining. Oh no, no, no, let me run it back just a little bit. So Cassandra's in her office. Her mom's real annoyed that they're not talking more about Falcon Crest, but I mean Cassandra still has a business to run. Before you know it, there's a little bit of a commotion at the door. You can hear Angel saying, Moo! She goes in, she's like, I want to know why you peppers feel like I need to run my bank account by you. She goes to the bank, she can't withdraw any money on the Falcon Crest accounts unless Cassandra and her mama say it's good. Obviously, they're not gonna say it's good. She is super pissed, but not burnt. Mama is gloating. Anna is her name. I'll start calling her Anna. Anna is killing it too, by the way. Whatever outfit she's wearing, like the first time we saw her, she's wearing this really bright electric sort of cobalt blue. She's got matching leather gloves. She's wearing this chocolate brown outfit. She's got matching gloves. I see you. I see you, Anna. I like it. Anyway, Angel's like, y'all got me messed all the way up. Anna tries to make a little slick comment, like, oh girl, you need some, you need some spending money. You need some allowance. Would hate for you to go broke. Angel's like, bitch. My money is quite long, my dear. I am a lot of things. Broke or near broke is not one of them. But she calls Anna a baby. She's like, girl, we used to be friends. You just I can't believe you're acting like such a big baby. Anna insists, well, I can't move on from my husband's death. Anna's like, I mean, but damn. But I mean, okay, well, so what? So what I've turned off the water and burned your house down. And get over it. It was a 60s. So Emma's minding her business. And I suppose because because Sandra and her mother wanted to go over the ledgers, somehow in the ledger, I suppose there was a diary entry, or maybe there was a bill now that I'm saying it out loud. The Manimal's asking Emma, So what happened to Julia? It looks like she disappeared for about a year. And Emma says, Oh, yeah, I remember that. Nobody wanted to tell me anything, but she was sick. I think she had a she stutters. I thought she was gonna say a baby, but she says breakdown. So it's very possible. I don't know if she really believes that. The manimal then says, Well, why does your mother visit this town and she gives all this money to a convent? Da-da-da-da-da. Isn't that where Julia's hidden anyway? Let me pay a little more attention. I'm sorry, this is the first run through this, but Emma's not saying something, and the Manimal is pressing her. I just don't understand why this would be in the ledgers. Anything that secretive, but it has his heckles up for some reason. Also, he ran into Terry. They were at the uh Tuscany Downs. She's selling Small Virtue. He's still poking at her, like, I can't believe you're so unsavory and just dishonest. And she's like, Let it go. Did you ever think that I had to be this way? He claims he can't. She does tell him to drop dead when he leaves, so we'll see. Alright, Julia's back with a swoop-de-doo. I think Julia's flavor in this show is so important. Anytime she shows up, something exciting happens. So Emma told him, told the manimal she didn't know what was going on, but she knew where to find him. So he went to somewhere in Oregon, River Creek, Oregon. Julia shows up at the door. She got a swoop-de-doo bob. It's not quite asymmetrical, but it's it's not quite 50s buffon. The manimal frames a question. He he hits up Julia. He's like, listen, your mom's in danger of losing Falcon Crest. I need to know why you were in Marysville, Connecticut. Julia looks like she's seen a ghost. She's also not wearing nun attire. She's kind of wearing mother of the bride attire, like this frock in this sheeny blue girl. Okay, okay, hold up. So let Julia tell it. Let me get my mind together. The manimal is pressing her. Your mom's going to lose Falcon Crest. Why were you sent to Connecticut? More specifically, why were you sent to Connecticut immediately after the Rossini house burned to a crisp? She once again looks like she's seen it goes, and she's like, Oh my god, I tried to forget all that. I knew this was gonna happen. She ain't even said it yet. I know what she's fixing to say. She said she fell in love with an older man. So are you telling me that Julia, the wine scientist, the mousy little girl who is also a male zero, fell in love with has Julia ever had a man of her own other than that one time? She was with her Ahmad Rashid before you went to Dynasty, not her knocked up by the man? Okay, let me let her finish. But that's what I feel like she's about to say. What else would she be saying? Why else would you disappear for a year? Oh, unless she burned him up. Okay, I didn't even think about that. Maybe she set him a flame. Maybe it was her. Maybe Julia been crazy. So if that's the case, why is Emma the one who's been institutionalized? Oh girl. I don't know why I'm saying girl. Yeah. She had the man's baby. I'd like to say this too, before this gets too deep. Something that stood out to me on the last episode of Falcon Crest when Anna was giving her recount of what had happened. She said that she was outside where the kids were in the house and the dad was in the house chasing them down. That set really funny to me. It seems like a weird place for her to be. I I had it in the back of my mind, maybe she has something to do with it. But she's carrying on like she's so just devastated and she really wants to stick it to Angela and make her suffer. Yeah. That didn't sit well with me. I'm willing to bet, and I'm hoping she has something to do with the house burning down. Because why else would she have been outside, leaving the babies inside? My gosh. Y'all, okay, okay, let me gather myself. I just finished this entire episode. So Julia tells Manimal her baby was stillborn, right? For whatever reason, he feels like seeing the grave is important enough to Falcon Crest that it'll save it. I'm not really making the connection here. But he decides he's gonna fly to Connecticut to put eyes on the headstone, I suppose. Angela catches wind of this and she's about to head out, but she has to take care of a few things before she heads out. Remember earlier I told y'all that the county jail felt a little bit like a Skinmax movie? Tell me why Lance got himself thrown in county on like a drunk charge. They had him in the drunk tank. He comes out, he's all holding on to the nurse Boom Booms, talking crap to Melissa, calling her a jailbird, and how he wished he could keep her behind bars. She was like, ha ha. I'll be out before you know it. Anyway, he ends up sleeping with said cop Lady Boom Booms, whatever her name is, Officer Juggs. Angela catches wind of this. This wasn't really important. She catches him fornicating in her house. We all know how she feels about fornication. Tells him, I was gonna leave you in charge, Lance, but I'm not anymore. He's trying to find a different way to mourn Lorraine. He got this letter from Chicago talking about Lorraine's estate, and he was a sole heir, and she had like two million dollars worth of money and property. Where is she getting all this from? At 20 years old. So I suppose Rich, I don't know how that works. But apparently Lorraine was papered up and now he is too, only he doesn't want it. He just kind of wanted to shove it in Angela's face. Like, well, you see, now is she good enough for me now? Now that it's totally irrelevant. Not a lot's going on with Lance. I don't know when he becomes a renegade, but know that he is boning buxome police officers and doing dangerous activities. So Julia ends up calling Falcon Crest at some point while Emma and Angela are chilling on the couch, and she she calls. Angela picks up the phone, and Julia's like, Are y'all okay? Is everything good? Reardon was here. Immediately, that's when Angela puts two and two together. She knows he's digging too deep. She has a feeling that he knows what's up, and she immediately knows that Emma probably knows what's up. Angela flies to Connecticut only to find the manimal at the church slash graveyard looking for a stillborn baby circa 1964. 1965 ish. He doesn't see anything, and for whatever reason, she just feels like, Reader, I don't know why you keep poking around. Why what are you doing this for? He goes, You've always been so good to me. And if there's anything I can do to save Falcon Crest, I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna leave any stone unturned, even if you fire me. Again, I'm not really making the connection as to why this would save Falcon Crest. Angela's like, Fine, I'm I'm exhausted. This is season five. I pay you good money. Come on in here. So there's a priest walking around on the grounds, and he's a little, I mean he's middle-aged-ish, I guess. A salt and pepper hair, and he escorts Angela and the Manimal into this gym. It's very clear that Angela is the anonymous donor, anonymous in quotation, who has been supplying this church with bu money year after year after year, which is why the manimal's heckles are up. She says, Fine, okay, Raiden. If you tell anybody on earth what you're about to find out here, I'm gonna make your life a living help. She confesses, Julia's baby did not die, but I let her think he did so that she would just relax a little. And the minimal's like, Oh, okay, so I mean he's clearly put up for adoption, that's why he's not in the graveyard. And she goes, Not exactly. He was raised right here in this convent with the priest. Oh, well, where is he? She says, You're looking at him. There are three priests in this gym. The boys are like working out. It almost looks like a boot camp. Nobody, you know, it's TV, so they're not really working out that hard. But somebody is on the punching bags. The goofiest looking man I've ever seen in my life turns and gives this big Kool-Aid smile, like a yuck-yuck. Hi, my name is Wally Bieber, waving at them. That is Julia's son with Mr. Rossini. So Cassandra has a brother outside of Riker who is now in outer space via Julia. So, what's this whole Falcon Crest air thing with Lance? Soap tack, soap text, soap text. Anyway, I am super pumped that not only do we have an amnesiac this episode, we have a long-lost child. I guess that's only come up on well, all of them now, right? Except Nas Laney. We've got Ray Krebs being a long lost Adam on Dynasty, and now Priest Goofy Face. Only other things worth noting, cousin Robin is around, she is starting to show, she's getting on everybody's nerve. Cole's like, Don't wear Melissa's maternity clothes. But also when she pushes up against him, it's getting harder and harder for him to resist. Speaking up of pushing up against people, Chase has had all he can take. He gets home one night and Maggie is in bed, and she's telling him that she had the urge to write. So she's joting down stuff in a journal, and he's like, All right, all right, okay. That's the Maggie I know and love. So uh, you want to do something? And she's like, nah. He's like touching her robe, talking about he bought it for her, and she looks so beautiful. He tries to caress her face. She's like, Please don't. I don't know you. This is weird. Please don't touch me. He flips out, turns into Adam, grabs her up, damn it, gives her a big old passionate kiss, and then he throws her on the bed. And I'm like, Oh my god, are they just did he turn heel? He didn't. He got beside himself. She was turning them on in her full pajamas, no gown. She's wearing pajama pants, a pajama top, and a robe. But he's like, You're doing it for me. But he apologizes. Oh my god, I'm sorry, I just got beside myself. I think what happened was Terry planted the seed in his mind. So Terry comes over. As she's coming in, Chase is coming out. This is maybe the day before. She's like, Chase, how is she? He says, uh, you know, more of the same. And on Terry says, Well, you know, I mean, maybe she'll remember you physically, huh? He's like, Shut up, Terry. He leaves. Terry does not understand what amnesia means, and she doesn't understand a head injury because she is yelling at Maggie. Remember what you used to call me when we were kids? We were so close. Girl, sit down and be quiet. She already says she don't know you. She finally had to snap. She's like, Look, look, lady. I said I don't remember. Please relax. Terry's gonna be a huge pain in the butt this season. I can already tell she's talking about I have this beautiful body and this gorgeous face, and nobody takes me seriously. Girl, bye. But speaking of being a baddie, which is basically what she said, the lawyer lady. Oh, Richard's being harassed, too. That's another thing. Richard's being harassed. Somebody actually went to his new house, which looks like Miami Vice. It's like all white, white desk, white room, gun metal, gray bed cover. Somebody left a note saying they'll see him soon. So, new lady, new lawyer lady, JJ, is trying to put two and two together. They can't really come up with who it could be. This is going to be a recurring theme, I guess, for as long as Richard's on the show, somebody is trying to kill. I don't know who this woman is, and it's driving me crazy. And I didn't notice any names at the end, but it'll come to me. I know it will. I feel like I've seen her on many things, and she's always really glamorous. Maybe she was a naked gun. I'm gonna go look at the cast of Naked Gun. Alright, guys, that's it for the the season opener. Very pleased. As a matter of fact, this already feels different. Falcon Crest is jam-packing quite a bit of things into the first episode. That's not like them at all. I like this pacing. I did notice the way it's laid out here on uh Plex. There's 29 episodes this season, which is still quite a bit. So I'll be curious to see if they'll do like they did last season and basically have two seasons jammed into one. But so far, so good. You got the Rossinis making life difficult. You've got Chase having this whole difficulty with Maggie while also secretly running another vineyard. Melissa's in a weird sort of Skinemax jail. Lance is reckless, Julia's got a baby, a grown man baby, a goofy one. Oh, that's what I was gonna say too. I think Emma had a nose job. I not I mean, and do you? I am not one of those people who feel like plastic surgery is a faux pas. Get whatever you need to get done to make you feel good about yourself. It is a wonderful nose job, but she definitely looks different in the face. And she seems a lot more together this season. She's not nearly as whimsical as she used to be. We're off to a great start. The only question I have left at this point is if this episode is called The Phoenix and the show is called Falcon Crest, whatever happened to that Falcon? Remember the Falcon used to fly and Lorenzo Lamas would hold it out, probably season one and two, pretty heavy. I ain't say that Falcon in three seasons. I think you need to bring the Falcon back to Falcon Crest, or at the very least, have the manimal morph into one. Alright, guys, that's it. That's all for this episode. Join me next time as we jump back into some more season premieres. It's either gonna be season four premiere of Knott's Landing or it's gonna be season five premiere of Dynasty. We will find out together. In the meantime, in between time, stay hydrated, stay moisturized, mind your own business. Keep a journal just in case we get amnesia and keep all of your drama on TV, but I'm gonna go to the book.