S5 EP6 Falcon Crest :Sharps and Flats- The " Peters Are Problematic" Episode

A billionaire fiancé announces an engagement she never agreed to, a legendary matriarch keeps her bedroom door locked and her strategy sharper than ever, and a coral-clad rising star turns a quiet house into a spectacle before breakfast. This chapter moves like a charcuterie board: small bites that add up to a feast of power plays, near-misses, and lines you can’t uncross. We walk through Angela Channing’s tightrope: Peter won’t sell Falcon Crest, but he’ll “gift” it to a wife. So Angela reshapes the battle—cohabitation without intimacy, taste as territory, impossible quests to keep him busy, and a home curated for quiet schemes. Across the yard, Lance falls for Apollonia’s neon confidence and pours money into a sound that can’t find a label, while Angela reads the risk and presses eject. The creative hustle gets real: demos, closed doors, and the thin line between belief and blind spots .Richard’s in rebuild mode, reputation strong and bank account empty. A backroom skim at Tuscany Downs looks like the quick fix, until Cassandra shows up with a check and a truce that complicates everything. Meanwhile, Father Christopher steps toward peace with Cassandra, and Melissa seeks counsel where temptation lives. The emotional pivot belongs to Maggie—no memory of timelines, full memory of instincts. She clocks Connie, storms the room, and forces a reset that might finally put her voice at the center. It’s a study in patience as a weapon—soft power, hard boundaries, and the art of waiting with intent. If you’re into legacy, leverage, vineyard intrigue, and the delicious mess when love meets strategy, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share with your favorite nighttime-soap sicko, and tell us: who deserves Falcon Crest now—and who’s playing above their weight?

Transcript

Warm-Up, Wine, And Potatoes

SPEAKER_01 1:12

We are back for another iconic episode of South and Crest. I gotta say, season five has yet to disappoint me. This episode's a little bit slower, but it's so juicy. It is fat full with intrigue and mystery and shockery and foolery. And Peter is tripping. We have to get to the bottom of this. Do all Peters suck on nighttime television? I kind of do. Go ahead and pour yourself up something bubbly and bright. I think I'm gonna try wine again just because it's here in my face. A little sippy coo. As we jump into season five, episode six of Falcon Horos, Sharps, and Flaps. Do you ever just feel like something's out to get you? There's just a small corner of a universe that you will never conquer. No matter how hard you try, no matter how patient and diligent you are, it just never comes to pass. For me, it's potatoes. Potatoes decided, circa 197, that they had some sort of vendetta against me. They decided, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, everything I thought about potato-wise was gonna crumble. If I slice them and try to make breakfast potatoes, they turned out mushy or crisspy and embarrassed me. Can I make French fries? I can't. Do I sweat profusely and give up because ain't nobody got time to cut up 75 potatoes? Absolutely. Nobody has time for that. I'm quite embarrassed, and I hope my mom's not listening to this episode. That I tried to make a baked potato and it laughed at me. It stayed firm, it stayed porous, it stayed ashy, got me all in my feelings. I really thought I was gonna cut it open and be able to scoop out the gooey goodness that I had my mouth fixed for. Instead, my little plastic knife snapped in half, and so did my resolve. I hate you, baked potatoes. Actually, before we get into that, I want to thank you all who who responded to the Dallas episode. Yeah, we totally think New Sister's creepy, right? I can't quite put my finger on it, but she actually I can. And we'll get into it on the Dallas episode because I did go ahead and watch that. She seems cool, but also, this is all new to everyone. Rebecca's children are handling the news of each other and her as best they can. But I have an on very good authority. Shout out to Oregon that I am right in my suspicion about this here abroad. Call it a gut feeling, call it intuition, call it pattern recognition. She is a relative. She is from far, far away. It is specifically the the cousins from the opposite coast. In my opinion, it tends to mean you are running away from something. I don't know if that's the case for this girl, but she's definitely going to be a problem. But seriously, do you have something in your life that just doesn't go to plan no matter how diligent you are working on it? I feel like this is Angela's whole problem today, just like me and the potato, who decided for for whatever reason, it was never going to be the right thing for me. I swear I'm gonna let this go eventually, but I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Also, I don't understand why it's taking so long to cook this daggone potato because I'm trying to make you the star of the show. The potato was going to be the entree this time. Now, if I make a French fry, it turns out fine. Shout out to HED for inventing the fry cutter. Saved a lot of time. I ain't got time. I'm not gonna cut the fries, soak the fries, drain the fries, fry the fries, drain the fries, fry the fries. Hey, baby, Chick-fil-A is right around the corner, Whataburger is right around the corner. I'm not gonna do all that. But if I just want to cut up a potato and put it in my roast, it's fine. That's the part that irritates me the most. I can make a pot roast, I can serve potatoes alongside a chunk of meat, and everything is fine. I've had pretty good luck with potato salad. But when I want you to be the star, when I want to give you the stage, you're like, nah, you're gonna be very embarrassed. I feel like this is Angela Channing's entire life at this point. For the first time in a long time, I had to take a step back and realize why I fell in love with villains the way I did. I am always first and foremost, it is about the story. Who has a better version of it? And quite frankly, Angela Channing does, in my opinion. So picture this: your entire life, you have been indoctrinated with the love of wine. All things wine, all things family, all things heritage. All things that you can hold in high regard because you are handpicked by your father to learn these things. As you grow and as you mature, you become excellent at it. Not just good, you are excellent. This is your zone of genius. Only because you are a girl, you're not first in line. Your drunk brother, who only appreciates the fuzzy warm feeling he gets in his guts after he drinks copious amounts of said wine, gets first in line. He gets put at the helm to run this beautiful business straight into the ground. Instead of asking a teetotal fool, you patiently wait. You get married, you drop a couple kids. Unfortunately for you, the time you're born, they're girls too, so you already know they're not gonna run the place. But you think, you know what? Maybe I can convince my loving husband to help me run this this beautiful vineyard. Only to have him shack up with your brother, your drunk brother's good for nothing, half a lootin', think she's better than everybody's wife, Jacqueline. And this half I has the nerve to have a baby. What's your man? What's your man? You can only take so much, you divorce him and you continue to run things and you patiently wait for a track to explode on. See, you read all the articles, you are subscribed to National Geographic, you are subscribed to Cedar Sinai's newsletter. You know the effects of alcoholism on the kidney and the liver long before the rest of the world catches up. So you know it is only a matter of time before your useless good for nothing brother drinks himself right into oblivion. And once he's out of the picture, now that your daddy's out of the picture, this whole shebang is rightfully yours. And not just because you share the same last name or blood or heritage, because you care, because you love it, because you were patient and diligent. And wine is your life. So what happens? On one fateful night, your brother finally falls to his death. Thank you, Jesus. And you'll be able to put him in a Buick, send him over the side of a cliff, bada bing, bada boom. Only to have his son, the son of that good for nothing, highfalutin' wine who knocked up who's knocked up by your baby daddy, come back into the picture all of a sudden. He wanna start making wine. He can't spell wine. His whole crew can't spell wine. He done know the difference between champagne and and Beetlejuice. But he wanna run this talking about talking about this. Is his heritage too. Now, okay, yeah, he is. And you know that's your he's he, your nephew, because you'll have the same exquisite, tightly coiled perm, although his is natural, we won't need to go there. That's that's irrelevant. Mine looks better. But this man and his family continues to wreak habit. You try to reason with them, you try to buy them out, you try to be a good auntie, but he's tap dancing on your nerves because at this point it has been 60 long years that you've waited for your chance to shine. You were waiting to be the entree, yet you keep getting put to the side like some throwaway French rides to add insult to injury. Someone brings cheap ketchup to the picnic in the form of your baby daddy's bastard baby. Now he thinks he has a right to the vineyard that you have poured your entire life, and this is beginning to be too much. So season after season after season, you wait in the cut, you try to interfere, you try to do your dep your best to rise to the ranks to make this great business that you have been running all along what it needs to be. An icon, a global juggernaut. Yeah, you keep can't you keep running into these little snapoos. Your daughter goes on a killing spree. Then she's running around the countryside, acting a pool dressing like a nun, sleeping with men who live in tin cans. She she's doing a lot. All you can do to stay alive at this point is just to just chill in the cut. You marry a man who is your lawyer, only to have him die in a plank or this it's just my god. It's never ending. Then when you finally think, okay, fine, I will just be cool enough with these two idiots until they meet their demise. Fine, I'll be cool with my nephew and my baby daddy's bastard just long enough until something comes up because they're gonna fumble. I've I've waited this long, I can wait a little bit longer. Only to have the neighbor lady from down the road show up, wanting to burn you and your family to a crisp just because your daughter got knocked up by her husband. Why is that anybody's business? It's all too much. It's just it's been a nightmare. So finally, five seasons deep into an exquisite nighttime primetime television show. You remember one of your booskies you've been keeping on ice all this time because you were a woman of patience of nothing else. Your booski buys back your property. And finally you can breathe. Thank God. This has been a long time coming. I haven't just waited five seasons, I've waited my entire life for this moment to shine, only to find out that anyone named P-E-T-E-A-RA is a scoundrel, scumbag, and should be approached with complete caution. Because nighttime Peters are absolutely the worst. Let us begin. One thing about patience is it doesn't come easy. But once you master it, you can master almost anything. Angela Channing has been quietly and patiently waiting to inherit Falcon Crest for many moons. Six or so decades. What's another 60 or 70 minutes? What's another 60 or 70 minutes on the front porch of her beautiful home in the warm company of a good friend named Peter, who happens to be a billionaire, and her lawyer man child, the mammal, who can turn into a falcon at any point, I guess he wants to. Angela is enjoying a meal with Peter, and unfortunately her defenses are down because up until this point, Peter has been nothing but an admirable person. He is someone who clearly shares an affection for her. And it isn't that she's not into him, like he's cool or whatever, but her mind is on her money, and her money is on her mind. She must do what needs to be done in order to live out the legacy that she has been raised in. So over Cal and Mari, which apparently needs more women, she thanks Peter. Peter, I really appreciate you being so ruthless, so heartless, and okie doking Cassandra and her nutty, nutty nut bar mom, Anna, into giving me back what is rightfully mine. I just I adore you for that. Peter Peter Poplop. Peter says, No sweat, babe. We've been friends forever. More than friends, wouldn't you say? Now Angela's not mine. She's not really listening to him because I mean it's time to eat. A girl's gotta eat. So she's like, Of course. Peter goes on to complain about the lack of lemon juice over his calamari. While the manimal says, Well, Peter, we have drawn up every contract you need. You might want to pass these over to your lawyers. Let them tell you what to do. Peter says nonsense. I'm a cabillionaire. I'm well over the age of 18. I've been doing business my whole life. I don't need a lawyer to tell me anything. I can read these and comprehend them just fine. Manimal's like, okay, cool. So uh uh how soon do you need to check for Falcon? Peter says a Falcon Cross is not for sale. Don't this seem familiar? The last time we met a man named Peter, yes, he had the chest of a 10-year-old boy. Yes, he got the brakes beat off of him by a geriatric man. Well, like ain't actually geriatric, honestly. He's just stiff because he hadn't had to do physical labor in at least 40 years. Peter Defilibuster, the Cokehead Kingpin, actually, he wasn't even a kingpin, he's a coke fiend, was tackled at the Denver airport by a man whose knees were screaming at him. He tripped and fell into a second body, beat the brakes off of Peter Defilibuster, who also was smuggling drugs across county lines, and flying coach for crying out loud. Now, this Peter would never be caught dead. I mean, obviously he has a yacht, he seems to keep his nose clean, he has money to spare. He's one of those interesting guys. He's a Doseki fan. Always running around. Oh, Angela, why don't you taste this salmon? They taught me how to cook this in Alaska. Oh, Angela, can I show you this wine? I learned to ferment myself from some monks and so and so. Very interesting, very unassuming until this moment. Now I knew something was up. He was acting funny to me. So back to the lecture at hand. Falcon crust is not for sale. Angela looks up like, I know Peter. I know you're lying. What do you mean it's not for sale? Maybe part of her is still hoping he'll just pass it over to her. I mean, why not? He says, Well, I'm not interested in selling, but I would be interested in gifting it to someone. My wife specifically. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Angela has already turned down his invitation for marriage. She is so as she should. Let's think about this. This woman is established. She has been casually dating men all up and down the California coast for three to four decades. The last time she got married, her husband blew it up in an airplane over the Rocky Mountains. I mean, by all intents and purposes, she's still a grieving widow. She already told Peter, no, baby, I'm not really trying to get married. You are wonderful, you're beautiful. I'm not really trying to get married. Peter's not taking no for an answer. All these delicious porch meals that he keeps serving up to her had intention behind him. He went through her stomach to get through her heart, but only her heart is ice cold, so he's just wasting his time. She's like, Peter, um no. But now she realizes if she doesn't say yes to Peter, Falcon Crust is gone potentially forever. So what does a baddie do when she's backed into a corner? Some might say she relents, some might say she folds. Those of us who are wise enough and watch enough TV know she bides her time. She smiles charmingly. She obviously tries to buy time, and I'm assuming it's the next day or a couple days later. They are at Tuscany Down. She, Peter, and her cuckoo baby girl, Miss Emma, who is quite lucid this season, and I'm not feeling it. I I need another episode, a manic one, preferably. And Emma Killingsbury would be epic, but I mean I won't, I won't shoot that high. Anyhow, Peter decides to do the clingity clink, cling, clink on the good crystal glass and announced to everybody in their gambling away their life savings and their children's tuition that he has bagged the baddest baddie in the valley. Miss Angela Channing is going to be Mrs. Peter Stravos. The look on her face is like if someone farted and blew out your birthday candle. She can't even believe this mother. Peter, hi. What? What? So apparently she didn't say yes. Emma is elated. Oh my god, Ma! Thank God somebody in this house is getting married. We need a man around this beast. You know what I'm saying? But here is my side quest thought as I watch this and I observe. I think what had happened was Angela and Charlie have been a quiet couple probably since she was a teenager. He doesn't seem to mind being with her. She doesn't seem to mind being with him. He knows where all the bodies are buried. He's already destroyed his secrets. And I feel like they raised and lands together as if that was their child. Charlie's already her husband. She really doesn't need another husband, which is why it's so easy for her to turn people away at all times. Maybe they have some sort of agreement. He got a little boosky, he likes to keep tucked away. She keeps two or three on ice. But this is going to throw a range of her plans because she has her business just the way she likes. Her house is just the way she likes. Now she has to have this man who went from very interesting and worldly and sophisticated to a nuisance if I'm used to a quiet house. I don't want to hear about your fishing trips unless you're buying me islands and stuff and we're eating lunch on the porch. I'm not trying to hear this every time you come into my house. But if I don't know anything else, I know to never, and I do mean never, underestimate big perm rod goddess herself. She will slither her way out of this. Immediately, she throws a plan. She's like, okay, he wants a wife. He wants me specifically. I'm gonna make him earn him. Because after all, I am a lady. Angela is a chaste woman who is not gonna give up the ghost for any reason. So she says, Peter, I think you and I probably should live together first, don't you think? Which is completely out of the norm because she tried to kick Lorraine out of the house because she didn't want no fortification under her room. Although I'm pretty sure she's hooking up with Chelsea. Peter is pumped because he's like, I'm gonna get this woman and I get the pumps and the bump. I get all the things I need. Oh my god, this is the best money I've ever spent in my life. Only when he moves in, she lets him know, baby boy. You're gonna be down the hall in the guest bedrooms. I'm not giving up this ghost for nobody. I'm a bad B, but you're gonna I need a ring. I need quite the elaborate, annoying ring. Which reminds me, I forgot to tell you guys, she did she does get a Super Bowl-size ring. It is gaudy, it is obnoxious, it is emerald, it is 100% costume jewelry. They didn't even put it in the budget. They was buying leather pants, pans, her stuff. And apparently, almost is it Morgan Fairchild or Marla Maiden? Morgan, let's call her Morland Marble. Morla Marble has a crazier hat collection than I could have ever imagined. She is putting leather pants, pans, berets to shame, okay? These are bigger than a foot door. She is on her church lady realness every single day. So I guess they didn't have money for a real ring. Peter accepts the fact that he's gonna be sleeping down the hallway and just, you know, patiently waiting to get in with Miss Angela Channing. But then he starts getting a little bit comfortable. He starts bringing in this hideous art. She looks at sir, why are you bringing in all these bold colors? Do you see how muted and bland my home is? I like my stuff bland. I like a plain canvas so that I can conjure up these wicked plans and peace. What are you doing? Peter's going to be a problem. Peter is a little bit overzealous, but something tells me that Peter is not to be trifled with. Poor Angela. Angela has to figure out how to get this baked potato right, how to get her life back in order, because by God, she's made it this far. She is not going to blow the whole operation on some man. Although I will say Peter is a haughty. Mr. Romero, I think is his name. I just kind of glanced at it during the opening credits. He's a baddie. He's good looking himself, but he's one of those people you need to give a project. I had a friend getting married several years ago, and her future mother-in-law was a little bit intense. It was very clear to me that this mother-in-law in particular did not have the wedding she wanted. She probably had the wedding someone told her to have. So when it came to her friends, we had all these opinions. She was showing up with these different props and things. It was a whole thing. The way we were able to navigate this was by giving her an impossible task. I need you to find XYZ to these measures, to this, that, and the third, giving her this impossible task. Now, yes, did it require a lot of unnecessary phone calls? Yes. Send those to me. I can handle it. I don't take pride in deceiving people. I don't. But also, she was gonna ruin the freaking life. It was gonna be hidden. We gave her the impossible task, and she was worn out enough to not throw her overly zealous opinions into the mix at all times. Angela's gonna do the same thing with Peter. Pedro is not gonna give it up that easily. He is not gonna be satisfied if he didn't have something to do. This is a man who travels the world all the time. This is a man who tends to get what he wants. I think as long as she can give him a super impossible quest every two or three months, she can keep him on the leash as long as she needs to. Or at least long enough to put him in a B week and send him over the side of the mountain. That seems to be the only fail safe on this series. This episode feels a lot like a charcuterie episode. There are small little bites and bits. Everybody has a little nibble, a little bit, a little bite of something to get, but not quite enough to make a full meal up. We have to start per usual with our bit players. Mind you, this is the second thing I've talked about. I don't talk about I don't know what I'm saying as far as starting with, but let's just go with this, okay? Pasta Panny Droppas while the flyness, aka Father Christopher is still trying to make sense of all this. However, he hasn't seemed to have lost any of himself. I will say this about this kid. His government name escapes me, the actor. I will 1000% pursue other shows that he's on. I liked his acting style. He's very intense without being pretentious. Um, God, I'm trying to think of who he reminds me of. Ooh. Christian Bale without the intensity. He's kind of on that level. I'm liking what I'm seeing when I see him. Anyhow, this episode, it is not lost on him that his big sister, Cosandra, feels a way about him being born. Now, with him being a priest, or maybe he was just a sensitive person, maybe he has a very high emotional IQ. He understands that she is dealing with something very similar to what he is, but probably on a level that he can even imagine. Yes, he was lied to about his birth parents. Yes, he has lived in a convent. Yes, he's had an entire family his whole life. But when you compare that to believing that someone else murdered your dad only to find out it was really your mom, and that she was willing to take the truth and skew it in a way that would shape your entire life. You're on this hideous mission to destroy a person who really didn't have anything to do with anything. Both of these children have to come to terms with who their father was and the choices that were made because of who he was. Father Christopher manages to corner Cassandra at some point and say, Hey girl, look at look at look it. I understand you're going through what you're going through, but I meant what I said when I ran up on you the other time. She's got a little bit of an attitude. She's like, Don't think I won't have you arrested with the quickness. I have no qualms about putting you in cuffs. He's like, Be that as it may, it's gonna take the cough a few minutes to get here. So I would like to talk to you in the meantime. In between time, big sister, I'm here for you. If nothing else, I want to get to know you. I know you're going through things. I happen to have studied in missionary school or whatever. I understand human emotions. This is kind of my thing. That's what I do. So if ever you want to talk to your little brother, you just want to talk to him, priest, I'm here for you either way, baby girl. Just could you not send the cops to me? Something he says sinks in, and she's like, Well, hell, I mean, this kid's pretty innocent. He's even more innocent than I am. He has nothing to do with this. She says, You know what? I'll I'll I'll think about it, baby boy. I will think about it. He's like that. That's all I need. She's also probably struggling with the fact that and witnessing him at first hand when she walks into Angela's uh demon layer, aka her library. She probably looked over and thought, damn, he's fine. I'm not gonna think anything. I'm not gonna think anything past that, but he is attractive. Freeze or people who are supposed to counsel you should be ugly by law. It should be a fact. You cannot be attractive and help people in personal situations. Just kidding. Okay, let's move on to something a little more fun. Let's go back to my girl Angela because this baked potato comparison. I don't know why it hit home. Maybe because my feelings are hurt, because I think it's so freaking ridiculous. It's one thing to lose Falcon Crest, it's one thing to have it dangled in your face. It is quite another to have a man force you into a marriage you have no intentions of being in, but then announcing it at your ex-husband's bastard's business in front of your kookoo baby girl. Now she's got it in her head. She wants to turn your whole marriage into a Mickey Mouse affair. She wants to turn it into Disneyland. She's coming up with all sorts of ideas you had no intention of. What do I look like getting married in cotton handy pink Emma? She didn't say that. Emma didn't say that, but Emma is basically like, girl, I am gonna be the wedding planner. I have everything perfectly planned out. Mind you, this is the second wedding Emma has been in without ever being married herself. So she's got to live vicariously through somebody at some point. I I understand where she's coming from. Angela does not want this to happen. She just needs she just needs to think. She just needs to get somewhere nice and quiet. She needs to get back into her own routine, into her own body, and she can come up with a solution. So she goes to bed. I'm assuming, as I say this out loud, this this whole timeline doesn't make sense, but you know what? We're gonna go with it because what? It's so tap. Angela is peacefully in bed, or perhaps she's waking up, taking her fresh perm rise out, getting ready to get ready for the day, and she hears a from outside, and she's like, What night? What is that noise? Goes downstairs to the house she pays for. Amen. Walks to the backyard and sees a bunch of layabout slouches, weirdos in sunglasses and the brightest colors known to man in her pool. This is a fantastic time to remind you that this episode is brought to you by the color pink and all of her children. We have pink in the in the shade of magenta. We have pink ranging to uh a coral situation, which is the affair in the love child between Tangerine and Blush. Angela comes downstairs and she already knows before she gets to the pool, she knows it ain't Emma, it ain't her, it ain't her new boo Peter, it certainly ain't Charlie. Everybody in the house likes it good and quiet. There is only one culprit here, and it is the bereft Lance Thompson. Only now he's not bereft, now he's out of his feelings all of a sudden. He wants to throw pool parties and can't see in the morning. So Angela does what any respectable old bra does. She puts on her bathrobe in blush pink, amen, with the shoulder pads, because she means business. She needs she is structured and she needs you to see this. She marches right down to the pool and she sees God knows how many people splashing about early in the morning, making all kinds of noise. Lance, get your narrow behind up here. What the heck is this? Lance, right before his grandmother came downstairs, was about to disrobe. It is odd to me this episode. This is the first time in four episodes that I haven't seen him in SETO's. He's actually about to jump into the pool, but for whatever reason, he is in his business casual, his brother Brooks, Brooks Brother's outfits, trying to impress the incomparable Apollonia. We'll get to her in a second. Lance says, Grandmother, I got someone I want you to meet. These are people from a record deal. We're just having a good time. He says, Have a good time on your own time, out of my time, out of my pool. Why are y'all making all this damn noise? I didn't even have breakfast yet, Lance. What is this? Well, Lance is ignoring everything his grandmother is saying because he is he's in love. He's smitten for the 16th time in five seasons. He points to the water. He says, Grandmother, there's someone I want you to meet. Now let's talk about our good sister Apollonia. Apollonia's costume choice and costume design for this season is everything I want in the worst way possible. It is camp. It is over the top. She is part Wilma Flintstone, she is part Judy Jetson, she is part church lady, she is mother of the church, she's all sorts of things wrapped into one, and we're supposed to accept it. I'm gonna accept it until I don't, but on this particular scene, she has on a silver sort of scaled bathing suit because she is swimming. And a Wilma Flintstone, I just killed 16 dinosaurs type necklace. Well, she comes bursting out of the water. Now, let's be fair. We're friends here, right? We're all so fans together. I think Angela is from the school with like, baby, you look a little darker than Natalia. What is your ethnicity, baby? Maybe she ain't a fan of that, maybe it's too loud in the morning for her. I don't really know. But when Lance says, Grandmother, I need you to meet the musical genius of night of the 1980s. Nobody will be bigger. Mark my words. Miss Apollonia. It is at this point. Got a way, way, way over it. Angela says, Lance, let me holler you for a second. Pulls him to the side. Get your little lounge friends out of my pool. Get these bums and and cutthroats out of my house, off my property. And another thing, I don't want to see you hooking up with Babylonia anytime soon. That's what I won't stand for. So you know immediately that makes Apollonia ten times more attractive. Angela can see the look in his eyes. She said, I'm not playing with you. If I see corner cookie around here again, that's gonna be a problem. It's like, all right, grandma, bet. As soon as she leaves, his chest swells up. He starts talking cash crazy. And mind you, this whole time Apollonia's got her hand out waiting for Angela to shake it. Eventually she's like, F that, somebody bring me a towel, jumps out of the pool and layers like, I don't care what my grandmother says. You're gonna be the biggest thing ever. He's still in a spool Brooks, brother's brother's books. They lied, they died into the pool. We get to see Apollonia a few more times this episode, and she is sponsored by the color coral. It is bright. For whatever reason, she's in her home. This is where being a millennial is a little bit of a struggle. Nobody gets fully dressed in their house to work out. We don't even get fully dressed to leave our house nine times out of ten. Not anymore. Maybe once upon a time, but not in your house. In my house is casual. Nobody needs to know what I look like. Nobody needs to judge me. I need to be as comfortable as humanly possible. Not Apollonia. She is doing sit-up, she's trying to maintain her summertime fine trim figure so that when she blows up on billboard, everybody will see that she's been that girl. She's gonna look amazing. And she decides to do it in a tangerine or coral-colored leotard. It is super bright. It looks amazing on her skin. Hair completely teased and sprayed. So she's doing all these sit-ups and crunches and stuff. And Lance is going on and on about how he's gonna make sure that she reaches the top. Now, he's not only saying this, he's putting it where his money, where his mouth is. He is more than happy to foot the bill because he believes in her, just like JR, just like Gary, just like New Chin Kenny. They're gonna make this girl a star, okay? So Lance pounds the pavement. He gets in his little two-seater, he goes to every record company on the West Coast. They put in her tape, they close it, they listen. After 10 seconds, they're like, ah, this is whack. Pass him back the tape. It is so interesting to me that all we see is these people's hands, and it reminds me of like QVC models. You can say a lot with just the hands. Anyway, most people are saying, This sucks. We don't want anything to do with you. When Lance is discouraged, Apollonia is not. The piece the resistance of this entire episode is the montage we get of Lance going in and out of different record companies who are turning him down left and right, but it's irrelevant because this is all set to the backdrop of Apollonia in the studio. She doesn't disappoint either. This is full 80s glam, so she's got on the asymmetrical dress. Once the left side is a party girl, the right side is business casual. So she's got the poof, puff, prairie sleeve in like baby blue. No, it's not baby blue, cobalt lemain. She's got the puff sleeve on one side, on the other side is bare is bare shoulders. She's got the clip-on dangly diamond earring on the bare shoulder side. The other one is all business. So you hit her from the left to the right, you don't know what you're getting. But what I did notice that within this studio, we've got some of the hottest 80s drummers and synthesizers and piano keyboard players. Money can buy. They are all 80s. The dude drumming is in a muscle man tank top. And Avalonia, for whatever reason, despite her being in the studio, she is wearing a Britney Spears microphone. If you know, you know. I can admit I haven't always had a great relationship with Britney Spears. I was incredibly jealous because she was with Justin Timberlake as I was a kid. But as I've gotten older, I've gone to appreciate all of the millennial artists because they gave us the one-two-step and they were singing. They could sing live at the drop of a hat. Not not Britney, but you know what? She could do what she does. She was, she is who she is. She did what she did, and her microphone is iconic. Now, why you would need a Britney Spears microphone in a studio and not a studio mic, I'm sure I don't know. But Apollonia is singing, and unfortunately for me, it was not. That's right, I'm pleased to meet you. It was not the song I grew up on. See, I need you to understand something. It's going to take me a few episodes to drop the Apollonia I have in my mind, because that girl that I know is a certified nasty girl. She's pleased to meet you. She's not always gonna tell you her name right at first. She enjoys the ambiance of mystery. She enjoys uh playing a little bit of a game. She needs a man who's gonna love her like she's never been loved before. She is willing to express that love even on a limousine floor. It could be that she's used to sailors, you know what I'm saying? I think a lot of them have water on the brain. Apollonia thinks they've got more water upstairs than they've got sugar on the candy cane. It's been a long time since she had a man that did it real good. If you ain't scared, take it out. She'll do it like a real live nasty girl. She'll cause tonight, I'm living in a nasty. Do you think I'm a nasty girl? It's not a song. That's not what she's giving this episode. It's it's okay. Dare I say it? CG might be in the running for best song, although I think Afton has the best voice. And if Lily May drops a song this season, it's over for all of you hordeboars. But in the meantime, in between time, Apollonia is um, she's encouraged by Lance's tenacity. She is emboldened by his ability to not be dis dismayed by her not getting a record deal. She's used to rejection, she's a true artist. He's not really used to rejection, but whatever. His effort in her mind determined that you know what? She's a nasty girl. He might be someone who ain't scared to whip it out. Let me go ahead and show you what's up. As she does crunches on the floor to keep her summertime fine body, she decides it is time to take a lover in the form of Lance Thompson. Congratulations to the new couple. I give him eight more episodes where we have an even newer boosky. Quick recap: Angela does not like cornucopia. She warns Lance that if you bring Appalachian over here one more time, I'm gonna make your life a live in hell. Lance says he doesn't care. This is his house, too. He can bring around anyone he sees fit to. Apollonia says coral is my color. Also, there was a scene where she came out the door, y'all. And I swear to you, the hairstylist is very, very niche. As in, I don't do the whole head. I am an expert at bangs. So I'm gonna give her these killer bangs, but then I'm gonna throw the rest of it up in a braided basket. A la church lady 1992. She looked like Mother of the Church, like she wanted to get up and do it Easter speech. Apollonia's hair looks crazy most of this episode. But that is what it is, it don't matter. She's still a legend. She's still a legend, in my opinion. We're gonna let her live. Let's slide on over to Richard. So Richard is in his broke boy era, right? But because his reputation precedes him, he has the the the privilege of not everyone knowing that he is the total broke boy. So Morgan Fairchild, aka lawyer Jordan, is trying to quietly find funds and people to and funders, I suppose is how you say, to get Richard's life back on track. Only it's not going so great, it's not going real well. They go to Tuscany Downs, and Aunt Terry, aka everybody's favorite side chick, is popping off in Coral herself. She's in a very bright top. She feels the need to go up because Michael's money was apparently well. I'm trying to figure out where Michael's money came from. I know he got five million from his Aunt Jacqueline, but where did the rest of it come from? There's no way he was a cabillionaire as a as a doctor. True was doing well. He's not struggling by any means, but he definitely wouldn't make an 80, 90,000 million, 80, 90,000 million. You know what I'm saying. He wasn't making that kind of money. Terry goes to stunt in front of Richard, just reminding him that he is broke and she is richy, richy rich. And if he wasn't such a douchebag, she might help him out. He does convince her by the end of the episode that he's gonna, you know, I give you a little money, Terry. Why don't I make you a partner? At the end of the day, I'm all about my business. And that makes sense to her. He is a businessman, he's gonna do the best thing for himself. What she doesn't know is unbeknownst well, what she doesn't know, is that Richard has decided that a whole nother way of collecting money would be to him off the top. So he hires the body you remember the bodyguard I mentioned last time we talked about Falcon Crest, the one who just sort of watched him as he got shot. Granted, that was a plan that he would get shot, but also the dude was a terrible actor after he got shot. Richard decides he needs to be the head of security, he needs to be in the money pit, he needs to be in that room as all the money is counting. So he says, uh, terrible bodyguard, how much money do you think flows through the place like this? Well, terrible bodyguard has worked in businesses just like this before, and he says, Oh, easily million, million and a half every day. Rachel says to what's the E we skim just a little bit off the top of that. You think anybody would notice? Like, I'm I'm like literally one percent. Terrible Bodyguard knows the math, I don't, but he quickly deduces that that number is irrelevant. Nobody would notice that. We're just like, cool, okay, that's your new job. I need you to help me skim money off the top. Help me understand this, y'all. If this is his business, despite him being broke, there's no other partners in this. Like, I don't understand. I really don't understand. Terrible bodyguard agrees, and yeah, that's a new plan. But remember how I told you Cassandra was visited by her baby brother who happens to be a haughty and a priest? Something he said touched her deeper in her soul. So she shows up to Richard's house. Mind you, they used to have a whole thing going on, and she they have a they get to have a conversation. She apologizes for all that she put him through, and she presents him with a check, which is roughly one-third of the profit she gained from buying Falcon Cress. Richard is not offended because not for nothing. He's used to sleeping with the enemy all the time. He definitely has his, he likes to have his cake and eat it too. So he understands where she's coming from. Although he wishes she had included him and he tells her as much. I wish you'd let me know what you were up against. I would have happily, happily helped you destroy Angela Channing. She says, Richard, listen, as the closer closer we got, the more I wanted to tell you. However, you don't know my mama like that. My mama is is wild. And she would have never accepted that. So I'm sorry, but this is me trying to make amends. I really just want you to have this here money. He looks at the check and he's like, bye, George, I can eat this week. Let me do this. Let me go back to Lance real, real quick. For whatever reason, Lance decides he really wants to get back in at the globe. That's gonna be his end to make sure that Apollonia's career is properly funded. So he goes back to his grandmother's house and he's like, Grandmama, I want to just make sure that there are no sort of strings attached to me being the leader at the globe. And she's like, Of course not, Lance. Only the only well, no and yes. The only thing is I need you to leave Abercrombie of Fitch alone. He's like, her name is Apollonia, and I'm not leaving her alone. He says, I know her name is Albacore. That's what I said, but I need you to leave her alone and focus on the glove. That's the problem, Lance. Every time I turn around, you got a new girlfriend. What do you expect me to do? I can't remember all these names. I'm old, okay? Lance gets pissed, almost throws a finger at her. He's he promises, okay, I'll leave everybody alone. I promise. Promptly goes outside to where Apollonia is in one of Morgan Fairchild's happy Easter outfits, including a straw hat and coral and a matching dress, where they kissy kissy boo-boo face, and he basically lets her know, baby, I ain't letting nothing get in the way of your career. It's me and you against the world, baby. Apollonia is into it. So we can't talk about Father Christopher, aka Pastor Panty Droppers, without talking about bad girl Mellie Mel. Her usual, she and Cole are having issues. They're about to go have a scrum diliumpus dinner when cousin Robin, who accidentally on purpose fell down the steps last week, comes strolling in. She's supposed to be chilling in her bed. She's on bed rest. Only she has somewhere to go, so she's dressed like a like a reformed schoolgirl who's changed her ways. And she says, I'm so sorry to interrupt you guys. I just I just want to let you know I'm heading. Cole immediately flips the script. We ain't going to dinner, Melissa. You need to leave. You need to calm down. Melissa's like, now what the what the what does her breathing have to do with us eating steak? Well, the truth finally comes out. You see, when Cole knocked up Melissa, he didn't get to enjoy the benefits of being a quote unquote pregnant dad. He didn't get to see his child be born. He didn't get to hold him for many, many months after he was born. So if the opportunity presents itself, presents itself again, he's not gonna miss out on this baby. It all makes sense. It isn't that he's overly compassionate to Robin, it's the fact that he is making up for lost times with a child he never with a child. This isn't it this is an experience he didn't get to experience with his firstborn. It is hard for Melissa, aka bad girl Melly Mel, to come up with a compelling argument because you know what? He's right. What is a man to do? This is his opportunity to be a part of every ounce of this child's life, and he's not gonna miss it. It's admirable and heartbringing at the same time. So, what does Melissa do? She heads over to the convent or the church or whatever, so she can talk to Father Bobby. Now, she still thinks that Father Christopher is upstate with his cuckoo murdering mama. So she was more than willing to just talk to Father Bobby. And if Father Bobby gets there and he lets it slip, and Father Christopher is back, and she's like, Well, I mean, I really didn't want to talk to you. I was settling for you, but if Christopher's here, I'd rather talk to him. Christopher's chilling in a library that I'm so envious of. Father Bobby goes in to get Father Christopher. Father Christopher lets Melissa walk in. And then he fastens the door to lest anyone walk in and wrap their session. Now I didn't know what was gonna happen based on how slow they were walking. He knows she's into him. She can assume that he's into her. After all, she is the baddest of the baddest in the valley. Seduction is like breathing to her, so she probably knows, but I think they're both holding that. Well, he's a good talker and he's a good listener. So they talk all through the night about what is going to happen, what she should do about Cole, just hearts and feelings and all these things. And we find him the next morning walking out, giggling and sniggling. Now he don't have on his father panty drop a collar. It's gone. Excuse me, that's a holy collar. He ain't wearing that, so I'm like, well, what I don't I don't know. It's probably easy to come out. It's probably pretty serious, probably uncomfortable. I don't know why he took it off. But Father Bobby clocks that he's not wearing it. As Father Christopher walks Melissa out to her little two theater, it is very, very clear that feelings are on at least one side of the aisle. It's clear to Father Bobby that Melissa has a crush on Pastor Panty Droppers. So once she leaves, Father Bobby says to Pastor Panty Droppers, listen, my dude, I know you're new to this, I know you're not true to this, but I need you to understand you're gonna have to fortify yourself in a different way. Because these these bras are gonna be coming out of the woodworks, period, point blank, for a long time. Now, I'm not as hot as you. My advice was alcohol. I couldn't turn down a cocktail, but I figured out how to do it. I need you to figure out how to turn down tail tail. Because these girls are gonna keep flowing through here one way or another, especially bad girl Melly Mel Melissa Grady. She's the baddest in the village. I've been told you nobody holds a candle to her confessions, okay? While the Christopher's just like, dude, relax. I got this. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's get back to the Giobertis because things have gone down. Our regular little docile Maggie has turned heel. She is pissed and she ain't afraid of it. See, the thing about losing your memory is that you may not have the memories, but you still have the emotions, you still have thoughts, you still have the instincts, right? But part of losing your memory means you lose the way you coped with those things before. Maggie is off her mommy juice. I'm gonna tell you that right now. She is not drinking copious amounts of wine, she ain't on whatever quailes or whatever she's been on. Whatever that kept her tranquil for umteen years, she ain't on that, so she has no choice but to feel these feelings now. And when she saw Connie Giannini after she put two and two and three together, she said, okay, this one helpers run a game on me. Now I see it. Chase is playing a weird little game, though. So last we left, Maggie had decided to move back into the house because she felt away, she felt like Chase really loved her, and she could feel the affection she had for him. On this episode, at the top of the show, we find them in the middle of a heated argument because when last we left, she pulled up in a Chevy Bel Air to see Connie Giannini and her man and some old man talking like everything was sweet, like they was best friends. She's like, Oh, okay, you want to play in my face. That's what you want to do. So this Maggie is not tranquilized. She decides to raise hell. They go home and they go on off. Chase comes out with that hideous denim vest, which I'm certain is pissing Maggie off even more. And he says, You're overreacting. There's nothing going on. Maggie says, How come I feel what I feel, fool? There's no reason for me to feel the way about a woman who has nothing to do with my husband. If I don't even have the man with the other, something's wrong. My body is telling me something was wrong. He's like, Well, maybe, maybe Connie had some non-platonic feeling towards me, but that is I am I am living guilt-free. Is that stuff? Maggie says, Okay, well, that's cute. You go ahead and you live guilt-free. But I know something went down. I can't believe you let her play on my face like that. That's probably why I went to Richard's. Now she just starts switching up the stairs. You're gonna see this. She's sashaying up the stairs, and he's like, What is that supposed to mean? She says, it means that maybe I saw you and Connie. Maybe I figured out you and Connie had a team going on, and maybe I went to Richard's house to be non-platonic. Chase don't want to hear that. Tripp, trip. Yeah, okay. I love it. I love it. So, for whatever reason, Chase has it in his mind that everything is cool. We're gonna just pretend like nothing happened. And I'm going to invite Connie and Champagne Poppy over to the house. And Champagne Poppy is a dude from Europe who knows how to make the best champagne. He and Connie apparently had a little bit of a team. We learned this through a casual stroll through the vineyards at Connie's Grimm, where she is once again sponsored by the color pink in magenta. Super bright, super gorgeous, like a true magenta colored dress. She tells Chase, yeah, she ain't hooked up with this dude. He wasn't a fan when she left him, but now he's a fan. He believes in the product, he believes in her work, and she believes in him. So this is a win-win-win across the board. Cool. Chase invites Connie's Giannini and Champagne Poppy over for dinner. Connie is wearing bright colors. Maggie, mad as hell, in cool colors. She's in deep blue. She ain't smiling. She's giving everybody the side eye. She's made- I know it is ice cold on her side of the table. As they chatter, chatter, chit, chit about how wonderful the wine and champagne goes. She's she's waiting for the proper moment to flip that table over a Theresa Judice. But she plays it cool long enough. After the dinner, something's just tap dancing on her. I almost feel the same way. Like, I can make potatoes anytime I want, unless you want to be the entree. I feel like you're playing in my face. I feel like this is a setup. Maggie goes to sleep, and don't you know it? Bam! She has an aha moment in the middle of the night, wakes up, keeps that same energy. She's not on Mommy Juice, she's not on Qua Lou. She's not on Xanax. She marches right down to the vineyard, right through that joke of an office slash break room, into the room where she saw her man buttered up, rubbing up, flipping down, Connie Giannini in a cheap yellow dress. She burst in there like she ready to fight, like it's Jerry Springer circa 1996. Chase, you think you're playing in my face? I know you were rubbed up on that house. I know you was kissing all along, Connie Giannini in a cheap yellow dress. Chase comes around the corner like he was doing something. They never actually talk about it, but he was obviously doing something around that corner. Ain't no telling. But he's like, no, baby, see, I really wanted you to remember. That's why I invited Connie over for dinner. She's like, Yeah, I remember. I remember you kissing it. Wanch. He's like, babe, that was months ago. That wasn't a few minutes ago. I just wanted to to jog your memory. Do you love me? Maggie replies, Of course I love you. I'm not gonna give up on this marriage. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first just terrible writing, in my personal opinion, on this show. What the hell do you mean I'm not giving up on this marriage? Now granted, I never thought they would. However, this man started at the top of this episode saying he had nothing to feel guilty of. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened, nothing happened. But also, I invited my this woman over who I knew wanted me so that it would jog your memory so that we could have a fight. What the hell? Either way, Maggie is fired up. And so now, ladies and gentlemen, we are supposed to believe that she and the aviator donors are Gucci and Golden. They lay up in the bed, lay up in a teenager's white bed, by the way. And um, in Chase's full button up, button down, punch all moss. And Maggie explains to the audience that after this little tift, it isn't that she doesn't have any memory, she just doesn't remember anything after the explosion. I.e., she don't remember whether or not she and Richard got down, down, down. Chase still doesn't want to hear it. All Maggie says, I mean, maybe we did, maybe we were having an affair. I don't really know. But all I know is I don't remember a single team before, or excuse me, after said explosion. Which doesn't make sense because she and Richard definitely hooked up before the explosion. So she remembered. Playing in my face, Falcon Crest, you're playing in my face. Alright, guys, I think that's it. That's all for this episode. Like I said, it was a little bit slow, but I trust this show so so well. I know that they're gonna be building up. Now we got Angela with several problems. She's got Peter who wants to move into her private space. She's got Emma who wants to parade her around like it's Disneyland. She's got Lance with yellow enough abroad. Alba Cortuna finish who want to take over his life. It's hard out here for Pim. Maggie's memory is halfway back, although I think she might be playing the same sort of paws in the Chase is playing. Oh, I don't remember, baby. I don't remember. She said pacifically, pacifically, not specifically, pacifically at the top of this episode that she wanted to go see Richard and have a non-platonic episode, I almost said. Relationship. Richard's still a broke boy, but he's got a little check from his sister. Oh, also, Cassandra brought over a check to Chase. He basically told Maggie to rip it up until he realized what it was. And he's like, okay, don't rip it up, but put it in my put it in the business account so that way I don't touch it personally. And I can still be mad and look at her outside of my eye. Never let me down. All right, guys, that's it. That's all. We're in the next episode. We're gonna jump into Dallas and find out what is really going on with our girl Pam. In the meantime, in between time, wear a name tag because old ladies will try you each and every time my name is not Albafor Abba Frombe or Aborigines or Appalachian is Abbach.