S5 EP9 Dallas: 5 Dollars A Barrel- The" How To Scam A Schemer " Episode

J.R. Ewing has never met a scheme he didn’t think he could outmuscle, but “Five Dollars a Barrel” is where Dallas reminds us that pride is expensive and timing is everything. We’re breaking down Dallas Season 5 Episode 9 with all the vintage primetime soap opera mess intact: oil hoarding, bad bets, and the slow realization that nobody is rushing to buy what J.R. is selling. When the phones stop ringing and the bill collectors start calling, the king of Ewing Oil suddenly looks a lot less untouchable. On the personal side, Sue Ellen is stuck managing the emotional fallout of Dusty Farlow’s bruised ego. A simple trip to get her hair done turns into accusations, jealousy, and a deeper fight about identity, intimacy, and control. We also hit a quick but memorable Mitch storyline at the hospital that raises eyebrows and leaves questions, because Dallas loves to drop a strange scene and keep it moving. Then the stakes widen. A Knots Landing crossover brings Gary Ewing back to Texas just long enough to deliver a razor-sharp reminder of who J.R. is when things don’t go his way. While family power plays simmer, Bobby Ewing follows a paper trail tied to Kristin’s trust and makes a decision that gets morally complicated fast. And looming over it all is Cliff Barnes, assembling the “we hate J.R.” committee into something far more dangerous: a business plan. If you love Dallas recaps, 1980s TV drama, and the corporate warfare side of soap operas, this one is a must. Subscribe for more vintage TV recaps, share this with a fellow primetime soap fan, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s the moment where you think J.R. finally realizes he might lose?

Transcript

Welcome Back To Vintage Dallas

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome and welcome back to another final edition episode 4. I'm your host, Jess Toby, and reviewing this does the prime time storyline of 1982. I think we're back in Dallas for the Primetime Lines. So whether you're new to this or back to the story, tell the kids it's time to play outside or out of sight. So they have no questions, suggestions, or concerns for the next 25 or 35 minutes. Everyone else in the airstop is only full quiet or all the way out. They need to win up watching our story. Ladies and gentlemen, going to go there in so far. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome or welcome back to another fun film edition of So4. I hope your date is well. We are deep. We're not deep. We are on the cusp of summer. I feel like summer officially starts mid-May. But that could just be based on where I grew up and where I live. But I think the technical official start date is like June 22nd ish. So we have a little bit until summer officially kicks off. But we're already in a summer state of mind, aren't we? And we're gonna have a summer full of fun watching vintage primetime soappery. So without further ado, let's jump into season five, episode nine of Dallas, five dollars a barrel.

Discount Shopping And Ego Spending

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I only recently discovered the store five and below. One of the things that bothers me about modern stores is that it's just a suggestion at this point. Dollar Tree, everything's a dollar twenty-five, a dollar fifty. Some things are seven dollars and Dollar Tree. Five and below, they were right at or slightly above five dollars the things that I was looking at. One of the stores I remember hitting up as soon as I got my first big girl job was a little store called the One Price Clothing Store, aka the $7 store. Baby, I cleaned house. I needed corporate clothing, and I didn't want to spend dozens and dozens of dollars because I didn't have I didn't even have hundreds and hundreds. I didn't want to blow a mint trying to look cute for work, so I did what any 20-year-old girl would do. I went to the $7 shop, aka the one price clothing store, and baby I had a time. Went to the clearance rack and just balled out. I spent three dozen dollars and walked out with as many outfits. You can tell your girl nothing. A discount is a wonderful thing. It is probably one of my favorite things in the world. A good clearance, a good discount, because there's no sense in overpaying for what you need. But sometimes when you let your ego get the best of you, you end up spending too much money. Flash forward to a few years later where I have decided to take a job at Dillard's part-time. I think I'm extra grown and sexy because I'm wearing Givenchy perfume now. I can afford a Kathy Van Zelen purse with all the bells and bangles and whistles. It was loud, it was gaudy, it was gold, it was everything. I'm also buying seven jeans. I'm buying the more expensive things because people, you know, this is peak 2000s, so fashion is starting to pick up. I had a fake Louis, and I I noticed real quickly that my dozens and dozens of dollars no longer stretch the way they used to, but I felt like I I'm young, I need to be stylish, I want everyone to see that I I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself. I got a little too big for my britches. And so has JR on this particular episode of Dallas. Yes, you have the funds to buy all the oil in Dallas and Texas and all that, but did you really have the money? Now you're out here looking funny. Now you can't buy a sandwich at the local deli because you spend all your money on seven jeans or something like that. So, on $5 a barrel, let's go ahead and get the bit players out of

Mitch Meets Dr. Chickenbone Jones

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the way. Do y'all remember Dr. Chickenbone Jones, CBJ? Yeah, that's Mitch's new boss. Mitch has decided to go ahead and take the internship at the hospital. So Dr. Chickenbone Jones calls Mitch in, and there's his mother and her daughter sitting there. Now, if the girl is 18, she is barely 18. Seems a little young to me. Seems like she's probably between 15 and 17. And Dr. Chickenbone Jones says, Mitch, would you take Mrs. Rogers on a hospital tour while I talk to her seemingly underage daughter? 80s baby here. Born in the 80s, raised in the 90s. Note the distinction. I can't help but my mind has to go somewhere. Like, okay, is this gonna turn into an after school special? Is Dr. Chickenbone Jones weird? What is really going on? I can't really figure out the scene. It's about 30 seconds long, but I wish my mind didn't go to the worst case scenario, but it did. Is Dr. Chickenbone Jones a weirdo pervert? Doesn't seem like it. Is Dr. Chickenbone Jones wanting the mother out of the way so he can talk this girl out of plastic surgery? Maybe that's just the case. Maybe the mom's being teened too much. Is Mitch some sort of cheap man meat for rent? Is he the local hottie that has to seduce older women now? I don't really know what kind of operation Chickenbone Jones is operating on. All of this seems likely, and then none of it seems likely. I'm a little bit lost with this scene. All I'm picking up on is that Mitch is uncomfortable. There's a lot of quiet staring at each other. He's staring at the doctor, the doctor's staring at him like, please take Mrs. Rogers on a tour. I will say Mrs. Rogers is the only person in this scene being like overtly flirty. She's the only one being super weird. The little girl just wants everybody to stay in the room so they can talk. So I am going to allow myself to believe that Mrs. Rogers is teen too much. Dr. Chickenbone Jones is not in the business of giving 17-year-old girls boob jobs. Maybe that's what's going on. Either way, Mitch, you can tell he feels uncomfortable, but what else is new?

Dusty’s Jealousy And Sue Ellen’s Patience

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Sadly, our girl Sue Ellen is not front and center this episode. I always love when she is. I've never seen an episode of Dallas when Sue Ellen was a focus where it wasn't just phenomenal. Not the case this episode. She is a bit player, but she will have her time in the sun just like everyone else. And baby, when I tell you she needs it, she really needs it because Dusty came back from last week's episode with JR with a whole new attitude. That little stunt JR pulled at the cotton bowl has really wreaked habit on Dusty's ego. JR planted those seeds of doubt and they're starting to produce a little something. So he's angrily watching his old rodeo videos at night. So much so it's making Sue Ellen uncomfortable. She just sort of moonwalks back out the door. You know, that gif of Homer Simpson disappearing into the hedges, she just kind of floats out of the room like that. And I suppose it's the next day, she decides she's gonna go to San Angelo and get her hair did. That's what a woman of leisure does. It ain't like she has to cook or clean. It ain't like she's really gotta take care of that kid. There's a whole staff there. She could ride horses, but she don't seem like the type. She's just kind of filling her day with whatever she needs to. So she goes into San Angelo, she gets her hair did. When she comes back, Dussie seems cool at first. Hey honey, where you been? I went into San Angelo to get my hair did. Oh, did you? Was your hairdresser there? Yeah, that's kind of how hairdressing works. And when you get your hair did, you need a hair ditter, and he was my ditter today, so yeah. Oh. Oh, so it means he had his hands all over you. He's looking all up and down you. I don't like the way he looks at you. She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. First off, do you like my hair? Like you ain't even if you're gonna go off, by all means do so, but please, do I look cute or enough? Now, devil's advocate here. Dusty continues to go off. I see the way he looks at you, and he's always got his hands on you. Well, Dusty, baby, that's how getting your hair done works. I thought about this for just a split second. Is it possible to wash someone's hair without actually touching them? If you use the spray nozzle and you squirt the shampoo from up top, you could probably do an okay job, but it's I mean, nobody's gonna pay for that. I'm trying to figure out how she could get her hair did without someone touching her. Dusty is being irrational. She tries to talk him off the leg. She's like, I don't know who's looking at me. I know I'm only looking at you. I know, but you can only look at me for so long. They all those men look at you like they want to take you to bed. She's like, oh my god, Dusty, do you like my hair or not? Okay, devil's advocate. Quiet is kept. I'm a little bit on Dusty's side here. Sue Ellen is a baddie. She's been a baddie since we've all known her. This hairdro is not one that I think a baddie of her caliber would go into town and get. Unless she's just too polite to tell the lady it sucked. This don't look like a hairdro somebody would pay for. So I could see why Dusty might think she might have been in a horizontal rodeo with the hairdresser, but I'm like, you really think the hairdresser's taking her down like over the shampoo bowl? Get it together. But also, it don't look like you paid for that hair. So maybe she did have a meeting with somebody and then just threw the first updo she could come up with in the car. I don't know. I'm just saying. Either way, Dusty is focused this episode on being super pissed off. Annie wants to feel like a man. And he's accusing her of all sorts of things. I know men are looking at you, and I can't even be a man to you. She's like, baby, you were all the man I ever want and all I ever need. I'm not even worried about these other dudes. I'm just glad that you're here and that we're alive. But I'm not even alive. Not really. Not if I can't have bedroom rodeos. I'm a Bronco bucker. Not getting buck in my bedroom. I guess they let that go the next day. I'm assuming it's the next day based on the way people are dressed. She has on a brand new outfit. She's up on the balcony, just enjoying that central Texas breeze. She looks down and Dusty's got on his rodeo outfit. I'm talking chaps, spurs, hats, the whole shebang. He's even got his trademark ascot on. She starts running down the stair. Dusty, Dusty, no, no, don't jump on that horse. You can't do that. You're not strong enough. This is all a little confusing to me since he seems to be getting around just fine. I fail to see where the horse part would hurt him since he's walking. Anyway, he of course rides off into the sunset while she's going off. On yet another day, and uh again, based on the outfits and the weird hairdo, Sue Ellen is watching Dusty ride up and down the fields when Dusty's big fine daddy comes strolling up behind her. Now let J.R. tell it it's only a matter of time before these two get in the sack together. Anyone watching the show, it no. That man likes her in a normal, healthy way. He's not trying to creep on her, he's not trying to be all up in her business. And it seems like now that he knows that she really loves his son, he's just there to advocate for this young couple. He wants his son to be healthy, he wants her to be healthy and happy. He likes having the baby around. He's just being a good dad. So she expresses to him, she's like, I don't know what's going on lately. Like, I don't, I don't understand why he has to be so reckless. Daddy Dusty, or Dusty's daddy, Daddy Farlow, tries to explain to her, listen, he went through something incredibly traumatic. He has made leaps and bounds. He is getting stronger and stronger every day. I may not be comfortable with a lot of stuff he does, but him jumping on a horse is as natural as you and me breathing. That is something he's always done. He's just trying to reclaim some of his his old life, some of his power back. And if he can't be who he wants to be with you in the bedroom, this isn't replacing it, but it's like it's almost like he has to prove that he can he's still who he is. He's still the man. And I mean, I I feel Dusty's daddy on this. But it must be incredibly frustrating to get to the point in your life where you find the love of your life and you are intimate in every way you can be except that one. It's it's going to play on his head. It's it's it's just a very delicate situation. And JR has already planted this weird seed. So he's just he's trying to prove himself. And I guess he feels, I'm just not putting this together. I guess he feels like if you can ride a horse, you know. There's kids listening, so let's move on. That's all she wrote with Sue Ellen and Mitch as the bit players this episode.

Gary Ewing Arrives And Needles J.R.

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But we do have a very special guest on our, I think this is our third crossover of season five across the board. Gary Tight Shirt Ewing shows up to North Texas with this painted on, navy blue with cross polo, and he gives us the daytime refresher. What's a daytime refresher? That is on a daytime soap opera where they basically give you a blow-by-blow of the last six months in a day. So Gary reminds us that gosh, there's so much going on with Daddy being in South America and having to give up his different shares and splitting them up between the five or six or seven of us. Also, Lucy and Mitch have split up also Mama's in the Looney Ben. Just in case you didn't have cable for the first eight episodes, he's here to let you know what has happened up until then. And he did it in less than 10 seconds. I was impressed. All Miss Ellie can say is, yeah, it's just one thing after another. Do you want to come in and have some lunch? He's like, no, I'm gonna hang outside and breathe in some of this good old fresh cow dung since we're downwind from steers and whatnot. She's like, okay, cool, I'll be in the house. She goes in the house and runs into her least favorite son, JR, and she's like, hey, hey, you fool. Your brother's here. Your brother Gary's here. You better not pull any stunts and make him never want to come back here again. Don't piss me off, JR. He's like, all right, cool, I'm just gonna go outside and say hi. When JR goes outside, he finds Gary by the pool, stretching, showing off his physique. I'm just gonna say this. Ted Shackelford is a little bit of an exhibitionist. I know it. I know it. That's why the outfits are painted on. He's always in some weird stretch. He's always sort of spread out in a way that you have to absorb all of him. Anyway, Gary is watching the pool, breathing in cow dung, minding his own business. JR comes out. Hey bro, how's it going? He's basically filling them out. Gary not only packed ten extra tight shirts to wear for this quick little trip, he also packed his favorite pair of shady, shady boots. Oh, JR, what's this I hear about your son being kidnapped and taken away to San Angelo? That's weird. How does dad feel about you not being able to wrest in your own family? JR's like, okay, well damn, it's like that. Daddy feels away, but I'm not worried about it. John Ross will be back on the branch in no time. Gary's like, for real? That's crazy. I remember when my wife ran off with my baby girl Lucy, and you hunted her down like a dog, had her back here in no time. You mean to tell me when it was your own baby, you can't manage to bring your own child back to this house? You know what? You better talk about it, Gary. I love it. I love it. He is so right. That is a very, very astute observation. But what Gary don't know is that the Farlows are just as powerful as a Ewing, so he's gonna have to bring a little more. It's it's real easy to chase down a little Vidalia onion queen and snatch up the North Texas little leader. That's easy work. But when someone has a backing, it ain't so easy. JR immediately cuts to business. He's like, is Valen here? Nah, Valen ain't here. She's in California taking care of business. So before I even get any deeper into this, this episode, it doesn't really smudge any of Knott's Landing's storylines for me, but I could it's still very confusing. It makes me immediately be like, okay, well, wait a minute. Where does this storyline fall into the storyline on Knott's Landing? Okay, let me finish this next statement, you'll see what I mean. So JR's immediate thoughts are Gary has 10%. I need to talk Gary and probably Ray into forfeiting over their 10% so that I can have a leg to stand on if this whole oil hoarding get my kid back scheme falls to bits and pieces, which it's starting to look like it could. So he immediately starts talking up, Gary. Gary, are you really wanting to run Ewing Oil? Gary says, You know I don't care about Ewing Oil. Gary's like, I didn't really think so. I just had to say it out loud. What if I hooked you up with some sh money so that you could set up your own business in California and keep your narrow behind out of North Texas? Gary's like, what are you trying to say? I'm trying to say, brother, I'm willing to give you money to set up whatever business you want to take care of. You want your own car dealership, whatever. You don't have to work at that car dealership anymore. You can set yourself up and have your own business. Okay, so he's offering this, which means this is before Gary has taken the money on Knott's Landing to give to the mafioso types by the used car parts. Wasn't it like $90,000 or something? This is all before Sid was put in the ground. It's interesting because he does eventually end up taking the money. So the point I guess I'm trying to make is that those storylines kind of click together a little better than I thought they would, even though we're out of sync currently, based on the way that I'm watching this. That's gotta be really tricky on a spin-off because it's like you need the show to be its own thing, which Knott's Landing is 110% its own thing. I kind of forget that there is a connection to Texas a lot of times, but these little moments are really good because I guess you don't actually need a big event. You just need the tension. If Gary and JR have tension over business, get JR is always going to be able to offer Gary money so that he stays awake. Gary basically sits by the pool, continues to breathe in the doo-doo fumes as JR leaves him to ponder his new life in California and the possibility of being his own business owner.

Bobby Follows The Trust Money Trail

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Meanwhile, in California, a lawyer gets a call from his Texas oil-bearing client, Mr. Ewing. Only the funny thing about the English language is that the last name is not much of a personal indicator within a family. I.e., Mr. Ewing could be Jock Ewing, it could be J.R. Ewing, it could be Bobby, it could be John Ross Ewing III, it could be Gary, or technically it could be Ray. Clearly, the lawyer on a first name basis with his client, so he immediately thinks it's JR. Hey, hey, Mr. Ewing, AJR, how's it going? Only it ain't JR, it's Bobby. Hi, I'm Bobby Ewing. I noticed that our company has written you several checks and there's a trust setup. I need to know the deep, dark, intimate details about that. It would be for a Kristen, blah, blah, blah, blah. The man on the phone is like, oh shit. Uh, uh, I'm sorry. I I'm not at liberty to discuss that. What do you mean you're not at liberty to discuss it? My company's giving you money. I think I have the right to know. Um, I don't deal with you, so you're gonna have to talk to who I deal with, and they're gonna have to tell you about it, okay? I'm so sorry, I gotta go bye. I gotta say that this does seem like a stretch for this storyline. We understand where we're trying to go. Kristen came out of the woodworks. Kristen has a baby. Kristen is getting checks from men all over Texas, but she has a trust specifically for JR, which probably means she knows a little bit more about him. I can't remember whether or not Bobby knows that Kristen and JR were banging. It seems like that was kind of an obvious thing based on Sue Ellen being drunk all the time and upset. And I also don't remember if Bobby knows that Kristen shot JR. I feel like he does. So it would seem to me, if your brother is this sort of playboy, it wouldn't be very hard to put two and two together. Especially since it's coming from Ewing Oil. Bobby knows he didn't write the damn checks. Who else was gonna write them? Duh. I respect the buildup though. So because Bobby got nowhere on the phone, he later asked his secretary to do some digging. And he's like, I need you to be super quiet, I need you to be super stealthy, don't let nobody know what you're doing. She's like, Okay, but please keep in mind that I still have a regular job to do during the day. And Ewing Oil has years and years and years of paperwork, and I ain't got no computer, so it may take a minute for me to dig up what you need. He's like, Don't even worry about it, that's cool. Just keep it between you and I. Okay. His secretary is a crack shot. She finds the papers for the originating check that went to this firm that set up the trust in California. So it's literally the smoking gun. JR was a person who put all this into motion. Big, big surprise, right, guys? Huge. So this leads Bobby to call up Brad Pitt H. Macy so they can have yet another meeting in an undisclosed location out in front of God and everybody in front of a building with a whole lot of pee. Brad Pitt H. Macy announces to Bobby that he's got to get the heck out of here. He's gonna go back to Cali. He's gonna take the baby and see if maybe the baby dies. Is floating around Cali. Bobby says, uh uh, not so fast. How much is it gonna take for you to stay? Brad Pitt H. Macy says it'll cost you $2,000. And I my heart sank a little bit. This is that poverty mentality. This is the same energy that kept me buying dozens and dozens of fall apart in the washer type outfits from the $7 shop. $2K is nothing. $2K is like $2 to billionaires. And I guess what Brad Pitt H. Macy, the guy who's holding Kristen's baby, thinks he'll just 2K this man to death instead of thinking like, oh, on big money. So Bobby's like, okay, listen, dude, let's just let's stop at that. Please, please, please. How much does it cost for me to take over this baby? Give me how much can I buy this baby from you? Black market. Brad Pit H. Macy's like, oh yeah. I never thought of just selling the kid. Absolutely. Bobby's like, how much? I for real thought the man was gonna say $2,000. But he got smart and he's like, uh-uh, I need at least a year's worth of money and a little something to get me home. $25,000 cash. Bobby's like, sold. Then he talks to himself, dang, all right, JR, you're in for one heck of a surprise. Now we all know that Pam is in and out of the loony bin. This episode, she does get to come home. Dr. Conrad thinks it'll be a good idea for her to step outside of the insane asylum, even though Bobby's like, I thought you said she needs to take it slow. The doctor's like, yeah, but I mean, if she doesn't believe she's ever gonna get out, she's just gonna continue to spiral in her craziness. So let's let's dangle a little freedom in her face and see how that goes. Plus, she wants to have a baby, so you might need to figure that out. I don't know, maybe you could do something illegal like call a guy who looks like William H. Macy and Brad Pitt mash together and maybe come up with a solution. Uh-huh. It is very clear that Bobby does not want to dangle this baby in J.R.'s face. He needs this baby for Pam. Because it's JR's baby, it is Bobby's blood. The baby might look like him a little bit. Pretty good chance of it. Plus, Kristen was a baddie, so this is gonna be a beautiful child, regardless. It'd be really funny if he looked exactly like John Ross Ewing III. Oh sh, I just thought about that. That's that kid's cousin brother. Oh my god, this is messy. I love it. Okay, getting back to

Cliff Barnes Smells Blood In Oil

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Mr. Ewing, the real Mr. Ewing, i.e. JR, is slowly realizing that it's not wise to take revenge based on the advice taken from a guy you screwed over. The bill collectors are calling. People are laughing at JVR in his face, hanging up the phone, walking out of his office when he's trying to sell them this oil he's stolen or bought. Now you can't sell it off, and things are looking bleak. To make matters worse, Cliff Barnes has assembled the rest of the men that JR screwed over. I'll give it to them though. They seem very mature, they're very emotionally intelligent, and most of them have gotten over the fact that they were set up with that whole Asian oil well thing. They've let bygones be bygones because they got a hefty return eventually. So they're like, okay, we still hate him, but at the end of the day, we got the money we want. Cliff presents them with a scenario. What if I told you we have the opportunity to seek revenge on JR because we all hate him? The men in the room are like, okay, if you wanted people who hate JR in this room, you'd need all of Dallas. Like, that's nothing new. We're gonna hate him regardless. Cliff says, uh-uh, uh, not so fast. You didn't hear the revenge part though. What if I told you? And then he lays out the whole situation. These people may be emotionally intelligent, but who are they to turn down an opportunity for revenue and a little revenge on the side? Leland Vaughn and Cliff Brown, Cliff Brown, Cliff Barnes break down the situation on how broke JR is and how broke he will be soon, thus breaking up ewing oil into bits and pieces that they can now buy and own a little bit. Soon as this man defaults on this hair loan. This seems to be Cliff's one and only wet dream, and that is to walk into J.R.'s office and to tell him he's done. You're finished, you're cooked. Luckily for him, the rest of the people in the room also agree that this might be a great business opportunity for the right price. Leland Vaughn says, listen, y'all only need to come with 100 milli instead of 200 million because I'm keeping my 100 milli to myself. But this man is about to default in a few days, so let's all buy up the notes. So when it does go kerplunk, we're already in a good position. Plus, everyone else in the room seems to know that oil is gonna bottom out. People are just waiting for it to bottom out, and then they know the price is gonna rise, so boom. But it won't it it won't matter to JR. Okay, so meanwhile, back at the ranch, this is either at the pre- or the post-dinner pep rally. Everybody's in the living room except for Gary and Lucy and Pam, because she's out, you know, at the Looney Bin. JR is just talking cash crazy. He's basically picking at Donna and Ray about their new their new marriage. And he says, Well, the only good marriage here is marriage between mama and daddy. Ellie quickly reminds him, JR, Donna and Ray have a good marriage. Me and your daddy got a good marriage. Bobby and Pam have a good marriage, despite her being in a loony man. Seems like to me, like the only person who can't hold it together for real, for real, is you. He's like, Well, damn. Yeah, you're right, you're right. So Gary and and Lucy come back, and this is why I don't know if this is before or after dinner. It seems like it would be before dinner. I don't really see them hanging out after. But Lucy and her dad have gone out to eat separately, and they're now joining the family. And Gary announces that he's had a little bit of time to think and he's enjoyed his baby girl so much that he decided he's gonna go ahead and forfeit his 10% shares and give them to the one and only North Texas little leader, aka Mrs. Lucy Ewing Cooper. Mitch is gonna hate this so bad. She's even richer than she was before, possibly. I guess she's at the same amount of rich or she's gonna be broke. Anyway, everyone in the room starts to sort of sniggle into their alcoholic beverages. JR's looking like, well, damn. So now he knows, okay, Lucy can't stand him. So he he's not even gonna ask her for her 10% because she doesn't like him at all. She, you know, it you know no matter what, she's gonna go with Ellie or she's gonna go with Bobby if anything ever hits a fan. So now he's got to concentrate on Ray. But in a slighter, brighter turn of events for JR, the banker guy Ray visited with last week decides to break the bank's version of HIPAA and sings like a canary to J.R. He tells JR that he feels weird about loaning Ray this money, even though he and Donna have Buku money. Ray doesn't want to use Donna's money. He wants to get a loan all on his own, but we don't really feel comfortable like that. We would feel more comfortable, JR, if your brother, your new brother, Ray, had the financial backing from Ewing Oil. Shady Boots banker later calls Ray to say, hey Ray, it's gonna be a couple days before we can come up with a decision. Also known as, if your brother gives me the money, then I'll say yes. But Ray don't know this. Because Ray is on his way to drop his money-making wife off at the airport so she can start her book career slash tour. I'm feeling a lot of overlap here. I've said this before, but I hadn't noticed it in a little bit. We are lather-rinsing and repeating storylines here. So Donna has a book deal. She's written a book about her ex-h no, he's not her ex-husband because they never divorced. Her deceased husband, she got this $50, $50,000 advance last episode, and now they want to go ahead and put her on this book tour. Sophie's, I'm not even joking. If somebody on Falcon Crest gets a book deal, or if somebody on Dynasty suddenly starts writing a book and gets a book deal, I'm about to make a mint repackaging old soap opera storylines, a couple of the Sweet Valley High books I read, and I might toss in a couple excerpts from Leviticus and some stuff I saw on Hanging with Mr. Cooper, just for good measure. If you can lather rinse and repeat a storyline within four years, I need to be making some money. Anyway, once Ray returns to his small personal quain cottage that he is so, so proud of, JR is chilling outside all over Ray's lawn furniture, slimy as hell, offering to back old Ray's loans for, oh, I don't know, 10% of those ewing shares. Unfortunately, JR is JR, and he can't help but to talk cash crazy and insult Ray's intelligence all while he's trying to offer this this lucrative deal allegedly. Not Ray, everybody thinks you are a loser. Everybody knows you need your wife's widow money, and you've been we've all been waiting on you to fail anyway. We know you can't handle being a bitchman on your own, so I'll give you a couple days to think about it. And then, you know, like they say on TV, this deal is going, going, gone. I'll holler at you today or two. Now, Ray must just be gobsmacked or whatever because he's not really firing back anything at JR. He's just sitting there taking it. But two days later, the insults that J.R. spewed at Ray finally seep in, and Ray decides that he's not too proud to ask his woman for money. Maybe, maybe not. He didn't actually say that, but he is not going to come up off that 10%. The way he sees it, Jock thought enough of him to give him 10% of that company, and he damn sure ain't gonna give it over to JR. Now, JR is like, listen, you idiot. I knew you was dumb, but I know you was dumb, dumb. Give me that 10%. What you gonna do? You're gonna go ask your wife, you're gonna go clean her skirt, get some money so you can ruin the rest of this deal and ruin her too? Ray's like, maybe I will, maybe I won't. I don't really care. But what I do know is that I have 10%, Lucy has 10%, and Ellie has 50%, plus she's gonna be voting for your child. So that gives her 60%. Piss off somebody in the next two days and see what happens. You think anybody's gonna be on your side? JR's like, well, damn. Damn, damn, damn. He has no choice but to go back to his office and think. He's been in a pickle before, he's been in things worse than that. Surely he can come up with a good way to get out of it. But before he has time to really sit and ponder that, Cliff Barnes has been doing a little slinking around of his own. Cliff Barnes shows up to JR's office late one night because obviously where else is JR gonna be? JR immediately starts talking ish about Payup. Cliff, are you crazy? You must be crazy. You must need a padded cell next to your nutty cuckoo sister in a loony bin. What the hell are you doing in my office late at night? Cliff

Ewing No. 6 Changes Hands

SPEAKER_00 33:06

gently educates JR on his current state of affairs. He tells them all about how he and the We Hate JR Assembly assembled and decided to buy up all of his soon-to-be-defaulted loans. Cliff is more than aware of the timeline, which is just under a week, that JR has to pay off these loans and nobody's buying all that oil he ordered. JR gets pissed and tells him to leave. Cliff returns a day or so later with, well, I guess it's a few days later because there's only three days left on the deadline. And he offers to sweeten the deal if JR ponies up Ewing number six. Ewing number six has sentimental value because that's the one that Digger Barnes was supposed to have, only he didn't get it. And then Pam and Cliff got it for a little bit, I thought, and then something else happened. Cliff wants Ewing number six. JR still is holding on to Hope because, like I said, he's been through this before. He ain't really tripping. So he goes to the guy who opened the show with him. It was just some rando who had agreed to buy it, but JR still wanted the the high top dollar price. And the guy's like, You tripping, I'm not buying none of this from you. So JR goes back to that guy and he's like, hey, I got a really, really sweet deal for you. I'll give it to you for half price. Da da da da. And the dude's like, nah, nah, nah, I'm just gonna wait for it to bottom out like everyone else. Although I do know one guy who might want to buy it from you. JR gets all excited, really? Ooh, ooh. The kid named um Barlow out of San Angelo, he'd probably buy it from you. And JR is like, well, damn. So he has two choices here. He can eat Crow and pay Barlow, aka Dusty's daddy, give him all that oil, and maybe save his business, or he can pony up Ewing number six to Cliff Barn and get a 10-day extension. Just a little bit more time to get the money back. JR is a very proud man. A very proud, very unself-aware, very stubborn, reckless man. So instead of choosing the sure thing, he tucks his tail between his legs, he removes his hat, and he humbly sloths into Cliff Barnes' office to ask for the 10-day extension and signs over Ewing number six. Cliff is elated. It does kind of feel like he Googled how to laugh with his supervillain laugh at the end, but he has JR sign over everything and he says, you know, dude, this is just delay to the end. You know you ain't finna come with that money. You know that, right? He cackles into the credits roll while JR gives him the most vicious side eye. Oh, one last thing. Cliff finally gets to say the words he's been waiting to say. He's like, after all these years, I finally whipped J.R. Ewing, and then he begins to cackle into the credits roll. End

Final Thoughts Plus Makeup Tangent

SPEAKER_00 36:12

scene. I enjoyed it. Not a whole lot going on. I care less and less about the crossover between Knott's Landing and Dallas. They really are their own shows at this point, and there's so much going on. I wish I had watched these in real time. I think once I'm done with everything, I'll go back and watch them together so I could piece it together just a little bit better. But you know what? Things are working out the way they need to work out. I really do want to know what's going on with Mitch and Dr. Chickenbone Jones. Also, there's this weird thing with Dominique Deborah joining the cast of Dynasty. I'm getting to see how far makeup has come. Now, I knew back in the day, hell, even when I started wearing makeup, it was sometimes difficult to find black girl makeup. Of course, we have the line Fashion Fair, who I would have assumed had a contract with NBC or ABC, so they would do Dominique Debreau's makeup, and it looks good 99% of the time. Diane Carroll has probably been doing her makeup by herself for many, many moons. So you do the best you can, but there's always this sort of ashy cast if they don't get it just right. Like maybe the fashion fair lady wasn't available, so she's got this sort of ashy cast. It's still flawless. Thank God she has beautiful skin because she knows she's doing. But I noticed particularly on Dallas, they don't know how to tan the Wajite people, the Caucasian people. Dr. Chicken Bone Jones and Mitch, I'm assuming, have been on vacation during their free time, so they come back tan, and it's like there's this smudgy, it's not quite orange, it's not quite brown color that they slather all over these men and they look crazy. The women never look weird. Never ever, but it's when they put makeup, particularly on the older gentlemen and on like Mitch and this doctor in this scene, it just is hitting so weird. Maybe it's because it's an HD. We weren't supposed to see that back in the day, but now it is beyond distracting. So if you know any insight on how makeup was achieved back in the day, let your girl know. Because they've got to be mixing up something weird for these dudes. All right, guys, that's it. That's all for this episode. Join me next time as we jump into another vintage primetime soap opera. We're going to Knott's Landing, and then we're gonna do Dynasty. I'm gonna watch both of those today and just riff on them afterwards. Remember, you have the option to leave me a voice note, a text, or an email. You can look in the show notes, click the link that says send it as a text. I'd love to hear from you. You can also send them a voice note. I think you get a minute and 30 seconds. If you run out of time, click it again. I want to hear all of it, okay? If you'd rather type out your thoughts, you can reach me at soapfloorpodcast at gmail.com. That's S-O-A-P-L-O-R-E, C-O-D-C-A-S-T at gmail.com. In the meantime, in between time, don't take advice from your work and probably trying to get you, but also spend more than seven dollars on your team. Trust me on that one. Stay hydrated, stay moisturized, microphone, all of your phone.